Worth Reading article about how parents are facing problems nowadays

[P.J.]

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Update for P J Sir.

Fees for cooking for fifteen persons (maximum) on poojA / sradhdham day = Rs.1,500/
If there are 20 persons, it is Rs. 2,000/ opcorn:

That's Royal charge for single day cooking!!

I thought it is around Rs 500/- and now Cooking Maamis can compete with highly paid professionals it seems!!

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Krish Sir,

Living for 29 years in this sweet home, I have had only four servant maids so far. First one, a girl, worked for 5 years, till her wedding.

Then came the next one in mid fifties and helped me for 12 years, till she grew very old and not able to work. The third one is with

me till now. The salary at first was 200 and now ten fold. Sweeping the front portion, cleaning the floor and vessels are the only

three jobs she does. Washing the clothes and maintaining the bathrooms are my job!

But generally, servants do not stick for so long in other houses. By God's grace, I got virtuous maids.

My cousin brother needs a full time maid to take care of his bedridden mom. He gets them through some agencies but not all of them

are sincere. Within 9 months, he has engaged four maids! :sad:

 

[krish44]

Dear Krish Sir,

Living for 29 years in this sweet home, I have had only four servant maids so far. First one, a girl, worked for 5 years, till her wedding.

Then came the next one in mid fifties and helped me for 12 years, till she grew very old and not able to work. The third one is with

me till now. The salary at first was 200 and now ten fold. Sweeping the front portion, cleaning the floor and vessels are the only

three jobs she does. Washing the clothes and maintaining the bathrooms are my job!

But generally, servants do not stick for so long in other houses. By God's grace, I got virtuous maids.

My cousin brother needs a full time maid to take care of his bedridden mom. He gets them through some agencies but not all of them

are sincere. Within 9 months, he has engaged four maids! :sad:

what goes wrong in my opinion is many ladies[housewives] believe in close supervision which turns off many maids.also there are alternate occupation for maids -some go for acting bit parts in TV serials in chennai[I am not joking-absolute truth]for a handsome payment . I had one in chennai which used to regularly cut for this purpose. many in delhi go for political rallies -free transport ,food and good allowance.absenteeism is rampant. they are not bothered in case of firing from job. they get an alternate job immediately at higher rate.by international standards payments in india are very low.it is about 5or6 hundred rupees per piece of job. three pieces net them couple of thousands.
getting persons for patient care - the agencies which supply maids take away quite a bit. some christian agencies provide them for jobs such as child care and bedridden patients. the ladies they provide are destitutes . the average time they last is not more than 3 months or so. many find it difficult to manage them. for terminally ill it is best to go to live in flats meant for them in some hospitals . there are some in chennai who offer this facility. doctors regularly visit them and they are good in old age care.

 

[Raji Ram]

There are alternate solutions to take care of bedridden patients. But 'status' plays an important role, right?

Hence it is essential to live in a three bedroom posh flat and search for a care taker maid, which is not as easy as we think!

 

[krish44]

There are alternate solutions to take care of bedridden patients. But 'status' plays an important role, right?

Hence it is essential to live in a three bedroom posh flat and search for a care taker maid, which is not as easy as we think!

there is lot of wisdom in your post RRji- extraneous conditions prevent logical solutions.
we carted once an old lady from delhi to chennai to look after a bedridden relative paying her transportation and hefty money so that the ailing person could be managed home. bad economics definitely. however false prestige sometimes prevents decent response

 

[P.J.]

Raji Madam

When my sister was laid down due to Cancer, her family engaged 24 hour Care provided by Nurses, each nurse worked for 12 hours, and got Rs 800/- per shift.

Thet were very well trained in taking care of terminally ill patients.

Such services from reliably authorized agencies/ through doctors are available in Chennai.

 

[krish44]

Raji Madam

When my sister was laid down due to Cancer, her family engaged 24 hour Care provided by Nurses, each nurse worked for 12 hours, and got Rs 800/- per shift.

Thet were very well trained in taking care of terminally ill patients.

Such services from reliably authorized agencies/ through doctors are available in Chennai.

if it is a long illness stretching over months ,these might be a very expensive option. it would be best to locate a regular salary person with a nursing background and give a live in job.there are so many looking for a decent living in cities.

 

[vgane]

Terminally ill such as Cancer patients do not share their agony...They would like to live in this world & work till the last date...One of my relatives died suddenly..I had met her a year before & she was hale & healthy....It is only after her death that I came to know that is on account of Cancer..She had managed herself all the days..

 

[P.J.]

vgane Sir

Some Cancer types gives lot of pain to the patient, and they need pain relieving medicines to be administered by well trained nurses.

Since my sister was suffering from one type of blood cancer, the family engaged 24 hour care nurses to look after her as per Doctors advise.

The family was able to bear the cost of nurses as her living days were only a 2-3 months .

 

[krish44]

Terminally ill such as Cancer patients do not share their agony...They would like to live in this world & work till the last date...One of my relatives died suddenly..I had met her a year before & she was hale & healthy....It is only after her death that I came to know that is on account of Cancer..She had managed herself all the days..

vgane ji
cancer at early stages is curable. most common among ladies is breast cancer. more common among men is smoke induced. many live normal lives after treatment. it is the trauma and the feeling why me that is difficult to face. besides painful treatment ,the loss of hair due to chemo treatment can create psychological problems in ladies. I have seen some near ones going thru it . its not a pleasant experiece let me assure you

 

[vgane]

vgane Sir

Some Cancer types gives lot of pain to the patient, and they need pain relieving medicines to be administered by well trained nurses.

Since my sister was suffering from one type of blood cancer, the family engaged 24 hour care nurses to look after her as per Doctors advise.

The family was able to bear the cost of nurses as her living days were only a 2-3 months .

Thank you PJ Sir

In my relatives case, it was breast cancer..But we did not know that her life was limited

Poor woman..She kept everything to herself!

 

[Nacchinarkiniyan]

Yet another article blaming the younger generation.

How were the parents treated in the good old days. You can read some of the old Tamil novels.

In my village most of the people had left for the metropolitan cities for earning a living. The parents stayed in the village. The grand children were dumped on the Grand parents when they were young. The children came once a year. Even that stopped when the grandchildren grew up.

The children were very reluctant to take the parents to their homes in Metropolitan cities as they were ashamed of the village parents. he parents were taken only when the lands in the village had to be sold to finance the purchase of a house in the city. Then they were dumped in a small room. Sometimes in an outhouse. I can go on and on about how the parents were treated horribly in the so called good old days. There are many movies on this produced in the fifties.

It is sheer hypocrisy for such a generation to blame the younger generation. You reap what you have sown

The generation which was mainly responsible for the breaking of the Joint family system now writes about the glory of it.

II wonder if there is any member who can claim that he/she is still a part of the joint family system and staying in the village.

 

[P.J.]

Staying in the village is not the point, Children keeping the parents with them wherever they are is the point.

We are now in US with our son, so also many parents stay with their children wherever they are.

The OP is about children dumping their old aged parents in some old age homes etc.

 

[Nacchinarkiniyan]

The parents were left to rot in Villages when their children were staying in comfort in Cities.

We talk about retirement communities now and not old age homes. They are quite good.

Retirement communities exclusively for Indian Americans have been started in U.S and they are quite good and successful also.

ShantiNiketan 2

Staying in a Retirement community is becoming a dream. Imagine staying in a resort all your life.

After an exhaustive tour of the retirement communities, I find that the number of people who are opting to move into them are increasing. People are happy there. Actually the resistance is more from the children as they are afraid of being accused (unfairly) of dumping the parents.

 

[kunjuppu]

The parents were left to rot in Villages when their children were staying in comfort in Cities.

We talk about retirement communities now and not old age homes. They are quite good.

Retirement communities exclusively for Indian Americans have been started in U.S and they are quite good and successful also.

ShantiNiketan 2

Staying in a Retirement community is becoming a dream. Imagine staying in a resort all your life.

After an exhaustive tour of the retirement communities, I find that the number of people who are opting to move into them are increasing. People are happy there. Actually the resistance is more from the children as they are afraid of being accused (unfairly) of dumping the parents.

right on nachchi!! as always, you hit the nail on the head.

thanks for posting re shantiniketan. just reviewing it with mrs K. looks a grand place..and an option for us, to escape the cold winter.

 

[krish44]

right on nachchi!! as always, you hit the nail on the head.

thanks for posting re shantiniketan. just reviewing it with mrs K. looks a grand place..and an option for us, to escape the cold winter.

I sincerely hope retirement home bug does not spread in US.the children are forced to support parents there and at worst send them to India for which there is a heavy price of travel. if these option is available in US more indian senior citizens will end up there and not cared for.
in poorer sections of society in india ,the senior citizen,unemployed ,widows hang together in a family as an economic compulsion than what society thinks. it is the middle class {TBs?]with affluence the retirement home concept is becoming common place.affluence is bad for all . this is my theory. after mortgage crisis, break up of families were postponed,divorce rates came down all because of bad economics. moral -become poor and get good family life.return with family to india and hole up somewhere . good for you. forget the american dream. it is a nightmare for senior citizen

 

[P.J.]

Kunjuppu Sir

not easy to shift to some unknown place leaving your friends, familiar surrounding , whatever that place provide you all the facilities.

After living in Calcutta for about 20 years, i was transferred to Chennai; neither my wife, nor me or the kids liked the place as at that severe water shortage was there in Chennai.

I have seen old senior citizen couples living in their own home in spite of their son/ daughter are well to do and begging them to stay with them.

Think twice before shifting to any unknown place.

 

[krish44]

Kunjuppu Sir

not easy to shift to some unknown place leaving your friends, familiar surrounding , whatever that place provide you all the facilities.

After living in Calcutta for about 20 years, i was transferred to Chennai; neither my wife, nor me or the kids liked the place as at that severe water shortage was there in Chennai.

I have seen old senior citizen couples living in their own home in spite of their son/ daughter are well to do and begging them to stay with them.

Think twice before shifting to any unknown place.

kunjuppu sir
I hope you will listen to P J sir and stay put where you are

 

[prasad1]

I have been involved with retirement communities in USA and India.

Mr. IGGY who started the Shantiniketan is good friend of mine and wanted me to invest in his venture some 10 years ago. One my hotel partners invested in this venture.
Mr. Iggy is a great salesman, and has good vision. He did struggle during the economic downturn in real estate.

Good things:
It is an independent Adult living for pIO's.
With vegetarian and no-vegetarian Indian food.
Initially there was problem in selling the units. He started as a short time rental units.

Cons:
It is about 40 miles from Orlando, Fl.
Unless you drive you are in a tough spot.
There is a site called village The Villages - Florida's Friendliest Retirement Hometown - New Home Sales, Home Resales, Build Your Dream Home, Brownwood Paddock Square which is lot more convenient (No Indian food).
There are better sites like:
My Indian Nursing Home


We have seen senior living facility in Coimbatore and chennai.
My main concern was to get South Indian food.
Serene Soundaryam ? Coimbatore - Welcome to India's Most Trusted Retirement Community
This facility was very reasonable.

There is various gradation of senior living.
Adult independent living, Assited living, nursing home etc.

I seen retirement homes with all level of services, and you can progressively move according to your needs within the same organization.

We had a friend (who used to officiate as pujari) had to be moved to a nursing home by his family when they themselves became old. That old man was bitter as the facilities were not as luxurious as he wanted.
So there is a lot to be researched.

I am building a age restricted housing development where one of the owners has to be 55+.
I wanted it to be for PIO's and a lot of interest was shown by members of my community, but I could not get commitments. So I had to market it to all Americans.

 

[Nacchinarkiniyan]

right on nachchi!! as always, you hit the nail on the head.

thanks for posting re shantiniketan. just reviewing it with mrs K. looks a grand place..and an option for us, to escape the cold winter.

I have met Iggy Ignatius the promoter of the project Shantiniketan. He had promoted Iggy Resorts in India and was a pioneer in promoting resorts.

Bharat Vilas - a Retirement Community for Seniors from India

It makes sense going to a retirement community in U.S for Indian Americans and Indian Canadians. Coming to India involves such a long journey which is difficult even when you are young.

People talk about going to new places and living with strangers. But they seem to forget all that when it comes to going to U.S or U.K.

I am sure in the last few months a number of Indians living in New Jersey would have been longing for the hot weather of Chennai. Living in all that snow is not worth it for any human being.

I am moving into a Retirement community in couple of months. I spent the last month staying in one and studying the thes. I will post my observations in a separate thread.