A Brahmin's Voice

[JR]

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The only true problem I see with caste inter-marriage is social stigma. I don't see any other real issue. If the partners are willing to adjust, even the veg/non-veg problem can be won over, as in just restricting to eating non-veg in restaurants and strictly cooking veg food at home.

I see my children married outside of a strict Brahmin marriage. I do not think they are both types that will lend themselves to arranged marriages living in the West. I do not have any problems with that.

 

[prasad1]

The only true problem I see with caste inter-marriage is social stigma. I don't see any other real issue. If the partners are willing to adjust, even the veg/non-veg problem can be won over, as in just restricting to eating non-veg in restaurants and strictly cooking veg food at home.

I see my children married outside of a strict Brahmin marriage. I do not think they are both types that will lend themselves to arranged marriages living in the West. I do not have any problems with that.

JRji,
Most of the members in this site are not from 21st century.
Secondly you are speaking to the most rigidly conservative group who never left their ancestral village agraharam.

It would fall on deaf ears. Good luck

 

[Vaagmi]

JRji,
Most of the members in this site are not from 21st century.
Secondly you are speaking to the most rigidly conservative group who never left their ancestral village agraharam.

It would fall on deaf ears. Good luck

This presumes several things. The reality is different. Where are the agraharams. They are all abandoned and haunted. On the contrary it appears to me that a few unfortunate individuals living far away from TN and having given in to alien cultures and IR or IC marriage are trying to sell their views as the right ones to be adopted by all TBs. LOL.

 

[prasad1]

This presumes several things. The reality is different. Where are the agraharams. They are all abandoned and haunted. On the contrary it appears to me that a few unfortunate individuals living far away from TN and having given in to alien cultures and IR or IC marriage are trying to sell their views as the right ones to be adopted by all TBs. LOL.

I am sorry I did not think my post would fit you. Why anoint yourself as a spokesman for all?

 

[renuka]

I also do not see any problems with Intercaste/Interstate marriage of the Non Brahmin-Brahmin kind...mostly the children seem more open minded and their minds seem very receptive to change as compared with a pure Non Brahmin or a pure Brahmin.

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Renu,

In my circle of friends, a few of them are I C couples. If the mother is a tambram, she always searches for a brahmin guy to marry her

daughter! When she was bold enough to marry outside her caste, why impose some condition when it comes to her daughter? :noidea:

Tambram girls working abroad find a suitable non brahmin guy from their colleagues and get their parent's permission easily. Yesterday,
one of my students had a grand gala IC wedding and everyone seemed to be very happy. :grouphug:

 

[renuka]

Dear Renu,

In my circle of friends, a few of them are I C couples. If the mother is a tambram, she always searches for a brahmin guy to marry her

daughter! When she was bold enough to marry outside her caste, why impose some condition when it comes to her daughter? :noidea:

Tambram girls working abroad find a suitable non brahmin guy from their colleagues and get their parent's permission easily. Yesterday,
one of my students had a grand gala IC wedding and everyone seemed to be very happy. :grouphug:

Dear RR ji,

I think its mainly TBs who had an intercaste marriage that still want their kids to marry a TB.Other state Brahmins do not really impose such rules as far as I know off .

I know intercaste NB-B(Not TB) whose children also marry intercaste of a similar kind or an intercaste of a different kind.

 

[vgane]

hi

the advantages of B gal into NB boy marriages....

1 more freedom in NB home...

2 not much in laws problem....

3 easy to dominate NB family.....

4 no unwanted things...such as dowry/seer varisai etc....

5 physically wild NB boys than ammanji B boys....

6 easily acceptable for gal's parents by NB boy....

7 even gal can support monetary benefits to her parents...

8 no aacharam required in NB home...

9 non veg is optional

10 generally well respected in NB home.....



disadvantages of B gal in NB home....

1 very difficult in new society...

2 meat/non veg food problem...

3 alcohol usages very common in NB home...

4 kid's caste problem....

5 kid's discipline over marriages....

Unfortunately these are published by the so called secular media..I know the following 3 instances where a B girl was tricked into marrying an NB

1. Iyer girl got infatuated with NB boy..Only daughter eloped...After 15 years when parents decided to sell their property she was given a third of the property...The girl's husband lured his father in law to his house and made to part with another third..After 6 months of bonhomie threw him out of the house..As per the father his daughter is forced to flesh trade

2. TB girl got into a relationship with a truck driver who was delivering stuff to their home..Soon she eloped & married him ...The husband pressurized the in laws for some money to buy his own truck..The hapless father in law borrowed the money and purchased him..The girl became mother to a boy..After 6 months the son-in-law vanished..Now the girl & her son are a burden to her parents..What else to do..Pettha kadan??

3. Iyengar girl enticed by a NB guy well educated...Her inlaws very unhappy with her looks...She is darker than them..She was asked to do all types of odd jobs including cooking of Non Veg...Her husband started to live with her own community woman..After 2 years of struggle she ran away only to do odd jobs as a cook..Fortunately there is no kid


If we publish these stories the truth will be out...90% of B-NB are floundering...Let the TB girls marry an NB after reading above posts

 

[renuka]

Dear Vgane ji,

There is risk in all types of marriage..love and arranged and also with same caste too.

What you have mentioned also happens in same caste marriages too if things go wrong.

So its not merely becos of intercaste marriage..its so happened the marriage did not work out.

After all same caste marriages of all communities too end up in divorce at times and fair skinned DIL is always preferred by Indians.

If going by the fact that same caste marriages have high success rate..there wont be any divorces in India.

BTW usage of the words entice and infatuation makes it sound that one party is totally innocent and the other totally guilty. To be fair to both parties..words like "falling in love" is more appropriate.

 

[sarang]

I can add three more cases of brahmin girl marrying out without approval of parents. All ended in misery and the girls saddled with kids and forced to live alone in the beginning and accepted by parents out of pity and sympathy.
A recent survey says, still 80% of Hindu marriages are arranged within same or similar castes.

 

[renuka]

I can add three more cases of brahmin girl marrying out without approval of parents. All ended in misery and the girls saddled with kids and forced to live alone in the beginning and accepted by parents out of pity and sympathy.
A recent survey says, still 80% of Hindu marriages are arranged within same or similar castes.

I can add that I personally know 4 Brahmin women who married outside their caste and community with approval from their parents and still happily married with no problems of any kind ...and all are grandmums today and one is also a greatgrand mum.

But these 4 women are not TBs..they are other state Brahmins.Their Non Brahmin husbands never interfered with they being vegetarians.

Their families lead a Hindu lifestyle. One of them married a Jaat Sikh and their children pray both Hindu and Sikh way...some of the children married Sikhs and many married Tamil Hindus too.

I have a feeling that may be TB girl does not amalgate as well and is not willing for a general Hindu way of life and still want the distinct 100% TB flavor to life and all hell breaks loose and also in Tamil Nadu a TB is always viewed with suspicion and face some amount of prejudice by NBs. Therefore both side inlaws become outlaws and the marriage fails.So I think may be its a problem in Tamil Nadu and not in the rest of the world.

If a person chooses to marry out of caste and community..mostly some amount of changes have to be there..that is the family lives in a blend of 2 cultures and eventually sticks to a general Hindu culture which is very good enough.

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Renu,

Moms of tambram girls (not boys :becky: ) are difficult to please!

They have several demands, be it an arranged marriage or a love marriage! :blah:

 

[krish44]

I have read with a lot of interest all the posts in this thread.

I liked the views of auh ji and his combative style of repartee very unusual for this forum.

side shows of PJsir vs ladies could not derail the subject of the thread.Bad luck

Vaagmi sir as usual stuck to his guns.

He identified TBs of a particular type in india as the biggest enemies of TBs which he called the third category and cautioning all to avoid them like plague

rishikesan sir as usual wanted a meeting with all.

all these prove that nothing much has changed in this forum in terms of views.

opinions have only hardened.

Times have changed. Those who refuse to see the writing on the wall and not change fast to meet the needs of new century are likely to face more misery due to actions

of children wanting more say in choice of spouse

those who respond positively to their children will find easily find matches.

 

[krish44]

Dear Renu,

Moms of tambram girls (not boys :becky: ) are difficult to please!

They have several demands, be it an arranged marriage or a love marriage! :blah:

RRJI
Moms of TB girls would not like their daughters to go thru what they have faced in life

so they are over protective and pass on their infinite wisdom to their girls on what to avoid.

fathers of girls have not set good examples for children to follow. they have ill treated their wives to the extent that mothers do not like their daughters to face things

they have faced in life .

so mothers set harsh terms for prospective son in laws.lol

boys should learn how to please prospective mother in law first

 

[Raji Ram]

.......... all these prove that nothing much has changed in this forum in terms of views. .......

Dear Krish Sir,
When the discussion is about marriage or divorce, most of the views appear like 'arachcha mAvu'! :ranger:

Even then, we never give up! :thumb:

 

[krish44]

Dear Krish Sir,
When the discussion is about marriage or divorce, most of the views appear like 'arachcha mAvu'! :ranger:

Even then, we never give up! :thumb:

You know RRji

I learnt a lot from you how to finalise a marriage.

I provided four months to girls side to prepare for a wedding keeping in view the difficulties girls parents face in booking suitable halls and making wedding

arrangements in south

so your arracha maavu is useful at times.

similarly posts relating to inter caste weddings and exacting requirements of employed middle class girls and their moms made me soften my stance towards

girls and their families looking for suitable grooms .

so keep it up. you are doing a very useful service

 

[Raji Ram]

Thank you Krish Sir for enjoying 'arachcha mAvu' posts!

Gives me great relief because one of my posts was branded 'impolite', in another thread by P J Sir!

 

[renuka]

Gives me great relief because one of my posts was branded 'impolite', in another thread by P J Sir!

Dear RR ji,

Dont change toooo much for PJ sir..otherwise you will become an oldie too soon!LOL

 

[rishikesan]

Dear Krish, After reading criss- cross opinions & feeding more of negative informations which almost encourage the current happenings , like any Brahmin girl can marry any Non Brahmin Boy, with no hesitation. Hope all will agree that the Pain goes with the Girl:s parents. Situation as all of us realize is that we, ultimately resign to the Fact of occurences in this last Yugam?

Should we, Brahmins ,not to consider this Forum as a Tool of upliftment of less privileged , within us ? Instead of getting Bogged down with Topics like this which will not see light of the day,are we not to think of progressive , positive helpful ,solution oriented
topics for the Good of the minority community ? Why do:t you suggest further on my opinion , which can lead to contribution of a number of New members & turn the Tide to really Young women & Men in their THIRTEES & we elders can Follow .I do not hesitate to consider me as old BJP leaders who have no say , since Mody & youngsters have taken the Reigns .
Please restrain & not rush to support or contribute to such never ending Topics, because hand full of us seem to Block the well-intended Forum & give room for the real, progressive matters & there may be enthusiastic Youngsters who may have many Ideas.
Do not mistake me. I am for the ultimate Good, because I am not a narrow mined Guy at this 82 nd Year of Age
Rishikesan

 

[krish44]

rishikesanji
I understand you and your concerns regarding the brahmin community.

we all want to do good for brahmin community . Only we need to understand the needs of

youngsters to choose a spouse of their choice in new india where education and job oppurtunities

take precedence over caste, sub caste considerations, where working educated girls look for an

environment of equitable relationship with option to support their parents in their old age, .


many girls are ready to cross caste barriers if need be to achieve their goals

parents need to realise this and act to fulfill their aspirations and find matches to suit the needs of

girls. sooner they do it ,better it would be for them.

undue exercise of parental authority can lead to disaster for the community as a whole without

serving any useful purpose

 

[Raji Ram]

... Dont change toooo much for PJ sir..otherwise you will become an oldie too soon!LOL

Pre-dinosaur era?? :becky:

 

[krish44]

Thank you Krish Sir for enjoying 'arachcha mAvu' posts!

Gives me great relief because one of my posts was branded 'impolite', in another thread by P J Sir!

RRji

you are in touch with local realities due to your large circle of friends and relatives .

since we are far away [atleast couple of thousand kilometres away] , we have no grass root

understanding of what is happening in brahmin community.

In my experience I have not found it difficult to find matches either for my children or those of my

extended family. only we have to be a bit more open minded in collecting the best out of available

and making a few compromises.

I have found it sensible to find a match when the children are 22-24 yrs after they are educated

and placed in jobs. then it is pretty easy . only when childeren get older , more issues crop up.

my motto is catch them young and push them into marriage.

 

[Raji Ram]

Some more arachcha mAvu:

Any girl with a high bracket income doesn't wish to relocate and hence chooses one of her colleagues as her life partner.

Most of the parents are happy to keep the daughter with them. Some are even happy that they don't have to run around,

searching for a suitable match and take the blame of wrong selection, when some unexpected problem crops up! Cool !!

Only the orthodox parents are put to pressure if their children opt for I C / I R weddings since they have to prove to the

society that they will NOT accept any match from other castes and religions. Poor dears! :tsk:

 

[krish44]

Some more arachcha mAvu:

Any girl with a high bracket income doesn't wish to relocate and hence chooses one of her colleagues as her life partner.

Most of the parents are happy to keep the daughter with them. Some are even happy that they don't have to run around,

searching for a suitable match and take the blame of wrong selection, when some unexpected problem crops up! Cool !!

Only the orthodox parents are put to pressure if their children opt for I C / I R weddings since they have to prove to the

society that they will NOT accept any match from other castes and religions. Poor dears! :tsk:

I can understand well educated girls value their jobs and proximity to parents more than any other

criterion.

perhaps they would like a good looking boy in addition. Most are prepared for other brahmin

communities if it is possible as a compromise with parents wishes.

IC/IR issues arise only if TB boys are not readily available satisfying their requirements.

their IC/IR options are more due to attitude of their stubborn parents who force them into

undesirable alliances based on horoscope , sub caste and family status.

 

[tbs]

I can understand well educated girls value their jobs and proximity to parents more than any other

criterion.

perhaps they would like a good looking boy in addition. Most are prepared for other brahmin

communities if it is possible as a compromise with parents wishes.

IC/IR issues arise only if TB boys are not readily available satisfying their requirements.

their IC/IR options are more due to attitude of their stubborn parents who force them into

undesirable alliances based on horoscope , sub caste and family status.

hi sir,

all these problems meant for MIDDLE CLASS BRAHMINS ONLY....lower and higher end are more flexible and adjustable....higher

end never bothers much....ONLY MUCH MONEY AND STATUS CRITERIA....lower end not bother much...BECOZ SURVIVAL CRITERIA..