an ode to all mothers.............

[kunjuppu]

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who miss their sons, who live far away. and also not so far away.

british-airways-bets-on-okra-but-humble-bhendi-will-win

corny movie?

yes. but i guess my mom must have felt the same, in the 1970s and 80s, when phone call had to booked and it was $4 a minute. and when parents and children did not even say 'i love you' let alone, 'i miss you'.

mom's long gone now. dad even longer. but now, with my own first born living in another city/country about an hour away, we still miss him. separated by oceans timezones costlytelephony, i can only imagine the heartaches of my parents. or can i?

 

[Raji Ram]

I guess the son will react this way till he gets his better half!

Now a post from K Sir without comments!

obviously the mil was living nearby or could move nearby. why bring the mother into the same flat, unless misconstrued guilt. it was a functioning family, and this idiot son ruined it. we should know that once married, priority is towards the wife/children. anything else, only if wife or child buys in.

idiot son. even more idiot mother.

 

[Raji Ram]

I think women have the long lasting love for their parents throughout their lives.

This is an ode to my mother, written on the Mother's day last year.

என் அன்னை!

மங்கையாகப் பிறந்தது மாதவம் என எண்ணி,
மங்காப் புகழ் தரும் தாய்மைப் பேறும் பெற்று,

அன்புடன் அமுதமூட்டி, ஆவலுடன் தாலாட்டி,
பண்புடன் வழிகாட்டி, நேசமுடன் மருந்தூட்டி,

எப்போதும் மகிழ்வூட்டி, ஊர் மெச்சச் சீராட்டி,
தப்பாது பாசம் காட்டி, நான் உயரக் கரம் நீட்டி,

என் சிறப்பே உன் பரிசு என்பதும் நிலை நாட்டி,
என் உயர்வே உன் வாழ்வு என வாழ்ந்து காட்டி,

என்றும் கருணை மிக்க அன்னையே! உன்னை
இன்று மட்டுமா என் உள்ளத்தில் நினைப்பேன்?

அன்னையர் தினம் இன்றே எனினும், மறவாது
உன்னையே வாழ்த்துவேன், தினமும் தவறாது!

தாய்மை வாழ்க! :hail:

 

[renuka]

I guess the son will react this way till he gets his better half!

Now a post from K Sir without comments!

Dear RR ji,

I feel that after a child gets married..responsible parents will realize that they need to "withdraw" from their child's life and let the child and his spouse have their own space.

One should realize that the child is now grown up and has his own family..and even if the MIL/FIL stay with the child and his spouse..the MIL especially should know not to dominate and not to be in charge.

The mistress of the house is the DIL and not the MIL.

Most Indian MIL act like the an Elephant Alpha Female(see National Geographic) who is in charge of the herd till the next in line succeeds the "throne".

A MIL should now that if she wants to stay on with her son..it better get into her head that her reign is over and just live quietly without causing trouble.

The problem is the MIL still wants to be in charge..partly is becos the Indian mind set that intimacy declines with age makes the MIL look for attention from her son..what I love to call the "Reverse Oedipus Complex".

So if both FIL and MIL are alive..it is better a smart DIL tries to make sure the FIL and MIL spend time alone and try to make them more romantic and loving towards each other.

If that fails..then try to make FIL have a Chinna Veedu and MIL will be all worked up and try to get back her man and not bother DIL as much!LOL

 

[renuka]

I think women have the long lasting love for their parents throughout their lives.

Dear RR ji,


I really do not know if it becos of love alone cos you see when we "know" people for a long time we get fond of them and care for them.I feel its is mainly attachment.

This feeling also extends to inanimate objects.

For example I just realized that I am too attached to my car.

My car is 14 years old and my husband suggested for me to change it cos it is quite old.

But the very thought that I need to change it makes me almost cry.

I feel that it has served me well all these years and it is my very 1st car I bought the day I went to work.

I used to have attachments for cars even when I was a kid.

I remember crying and not wanting to get out my fathers car when he sold his car to buy a new one many many years ago.

So you see..if we can get attached to an inanimate object..so surely living beings have a special place in our hearts.

Sometimes I do not think it is blood ties alone but just the feeling of attachment that make us care for anyone or anything.

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Renu,

I too believe in staying away from son / daughter! I always write in favour of senior citizen homes! :thumb:

But just two comments for your quote:

.........1. So if both FIL and MIL are alive..it is better a smart DIL tries to make sure the FIL and MIL spend time alone and try to make them more romantic and loving towards each other.

2. If that fails..then try to make FIL have a Chinna Veedu and MIL will be all worked up and try to get back her man and not bother DIL as much!LOL

1. Romantic at 'that' age?

2. The MIL might think 'good riddens' and bother the DIL more! :whip:

 

[Raji Ram]

There lives a mAmi in the ground floor room of a senior citizen home in Coimbatore with a condition that
mAmA should be given a separate room in the first floor, to live happily ever after!! eace:

 

[renuka]

1. Romantic at 'that' age?

2. The MIL might think 'good riddens' and bother the DIL more! :whip:

Dear RR ji,

1)Romance is for any age.

Romance is good for general well being.

Romance need not be always ending in sexual intercourse but I have read before of a Non Indian old couple who still take baths together just to feel close and hug and sleep.

Being romantic is being there for the person..showing you care..hugs and kisses..saying a few nice words.

2)Ok if MIL feels its good riddance..then try to hook her up with some guy!

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Renu,

Chinna veedu is not the only way to keep a person active. There are activities like singing, teaching, gardening, painting,

writing, chanting, chatting and so on......... I tell all my friends to take up different activities to keep their brain also active.

:gossip: The best solution may be to join in our forum! :typing:

 

[C RAVI]

Emotions are very fragile and emotional attachments are very special & now a days seems to be rare.

Neither emotionally attached people are idiots nor emotionally detached people are great!!


Humans's mundane life is complex and none of these folks are senseless.


The best way to manage with loneliness & detachment is to fool one self and humans are capable to do that.

The ways and means are many to overcome lack of sharing mutual emotional closeness and attachment with physically being available near to each other But however you succeed in overcoming, you will be haunted by thoughts of your loved ones, almost every day, at least for few minutes

 

[V.Balasubramani]

Emotions are very fragile and emotional attachments are very special & now a days seems to be rare.

Neither emotionally attached people are idiots nor emotionally detached people are great!!


Humans's mundane life is complex and none of these folks are senseless.


The best way to manage with loneliness & detachment is to fool one self and humans are capable to do that.

The ways and means are many to overcome lack of sharing mutual emotional closeness and attachment with physically being available near to each other But however you succeed in overcoming, you will be haunted by thoughts of your loved ones, almost every day, at least for few minutes

Sir

Pranams,


IMHO, the attachements and emotions of children when they marry and settle in life is something like Pole Vault event. In this event, the vaulter needs the aid of the pole to take off from the ground and once he is up, he is supposed to release the pole and cross over the bar. He cannot hold the pole tightly, and when he is up, he has to necessarily throw the pole. This is the rule of this event. Parents are like pole I believe. In general, once the children are married and settled, the need of the parents will wither s....l.....o.....w......l....yOf course, there may be exceptions too.




With regards

 

[kunjuppu]

Sir

Pranams,


IMHO, the attachements and emotions of children when they marry and settle in life is something like Pole Vault event. In this event, the vaulter needs the aid of the pole to take off from the ground and once he is up, he is supposed to release the pole and cross over the bar. He cannot hold the pole tightly, and when he is up, he has to necessarily throw the pole. This is the rule of this event. Parents are like pole I believe. In general, once the children are married and settled, the need of the parents will wither s....l.....o.....w......l....yOf course, there may be exceptions too.




With regards

it changes with age bala.

soon after marriage, no, we discard our parents, but as we age, we find more an appreciation, and need for them. atleast for me.

the same i find with whites in canada, that i know. surprising numbers, willingly take in their parents who are in their 80s and take care of them, till such point, when they need full time care.

my mother predicted this turn of events, long ago. and (as always) she happened to be right.

 

[vgane]

The parents have a soft corner for the daughter always as she has gone to a different house and expectations from her are less

But in case of son, expectations are more

There should be no discrimination on account of gender...Why only a son...Even a daughter has equal responsibilities for the parents


From a legal angle too both have responsibilities as both are legal heirs to parental wealth

 

[C RAVI]

There should be no discrimination on account of gender...Why only a son...Even a daughter has equal responsibilities for the parents


From a legal angle too both have responsibilities as both are legal heirs to parental wealth

Son and daughter's love towards their parents should never be on account of parent's wealth. Children's love and respect towards their parents should be for the relationship that is beyond any material and monetary resources that parents have.

I have come across couple of cases were sons and daughters have hated and ignored their parents for ever, just because parents could not satisfy all their needs and have nothing to offer after their death.

As well, there are children who pretend to be sweet, caring and respecting their rich parents while secretly being mischievous and counting on days for their death.


I have seen and came across so much that, I could believe in true love of a son or a daughter towards their parents only when I could find them going out of their way, compromising, adjusting and forgoing some of their needs and comforts at least for a moment to make sure that they could do the needful to their parents in some way that they deserve.

 

[sravna]

Just wanted to add, true love cannot be just shown to your parents and not to others. If you are able to offer true love to your parents that enables you to show love to everybody. I can say that your love for your parents is not true if you cannot be loving to others. That is the beauty of higher qulities . They are always true.

 

[renuka]

The parents have a soft corner for the daughter always as she has gone to a different house and expectations from her are less

But in case of son, expectations are more

Dear Vgane Ji,

I disagree to a certain extent.

I do not know if they have a soft corner for their daughter or not but one thing is for sure they expect daughters to be emotionally present for them all the time.

They always know they can depend on a daughter when it comes to love and emotions.

Daughters too are expected to sort of be their punching bags sometimes when things do not go too well with their sons.

Parents do not expect any money from daughters but they surely expect you to love them unconditionally.

 

[renuka]

Just wanted to add, true love cannot be just shown to your parents and not to others. If you are able to offer true love to your parents that enables you to show love to everybody. I can say that your love for your parents is not true if you cannot be loving to others. That is the beauty of higher qulities . They are always true.

Dear Sravna,

Going by what you have said that means higher qualities translates to being able to love everyone right?

Then in that case it is an open system and one should be able to take more than 1 wife or 1 husband!LOL

One can always say that becos of higher refined qualities of love one can take more than 1 spouse and have Sattva love only for them sans any Rajas activity.

 

[sravna]

Dear Sravna,

Going by what you have said that means higher qualities translates to being able to love everyone right?

Then in that case it is an open system and one should be able to take more than 1 wife or 1 husband!LOL

One can always say that becos of higher refined qualities of love one can take more than 1 spouse and have Sattva love only for them sans any Rajas activity.

Renuka ! Higher qualities do translate to being able to love everyone. But being able to love everyone doesn't translate to marrying more than one person. If you truly love a person why have to marry? That need makes it a bit gross, right?

 

[renuka]

Renuka ! Higher qualities does translate to being able to love everyone. But being able to love everyone doesn't translate to marrying more than one person. If you truly love a person why have to marry? That need makes it a bit gross, right?

Dear Sravna,

That means we only marry the people we truly do not love?? or you propose loving without marriage as in live in relationships??

BTW in another thread someone mentioned that the act of procreation itself is seen as a sacrifice like Homa sorts.

So what is wrong in getting married..at least we are "Homa" friendly!

 

[C RAVI]

Renuka ! Higher qualities do translate to being able to love everyone. But being able to love everyone doesn't translate to marrying more than one person. If you truly love a person why have to marry? That need makes it a bit gross, right?

May be Renuka means to say that, a loving husband or Wife with his/her high qualities of love and compassion towards every one can marry an another person who is in dire need of emotional & moral support, love and care etc..etc.

What I could conclude on the above is, Such decisions can be highly appreciable and feasible only if the SPOUSE of a person who wants to offer his/her love to another person by marrying him/her as well, unanimously agree with his/her decision.


Sounds so great, though seems impossible!!!!

 

[sravna]

Dear Sravna,

That means we only marry the people we truly do not love?? or you propose loving without marriage as in live in relationships??

BTW in another thread someone mentioned that the act of procreation itself is seen as a sacrifice like Homa sorts.

So what is wrong in getting married..at least we are "Homa" friendly!

Dear Renuka,

What I meant was if you truly love a person why only have to marry? There is no need for a sexual relationship. That is what I meant when I said the relationship becomes a little gross.

 

[renuka]

Dear Renuka,

What I meant was if you truly love a person why only have to marry? There is no need for a sexual relationship. That is what I meant when I said the relationship becomes a little gross.

Dear Sravna,

The higher forms of union does not have sex even though partners are husband and wife.

BTW why do you consider physical union gross?

 

[renuka]

May be Renuka means to say that, a loving husband or Wife with his/her high qualities of love and compassion towards every one can marry an another person who is in dire need of emotional & moral support, love and care etc..etc.

What I could conclude on the above is, Such decisions can be highly appreciable and feasible only if the SPOUSE of a person who wants to offer his/her love to another person by marrying him/her as well, unanimously agree with his/her decision.


Sounds so great, though seems impossible!!!!

Exactly!

But just a reminder...it is not a Mission Impossible!

It can be possible..who knows..Yahan Kya Ho Kisne Jana

 

[sravna]

May be Renuka means to say that, a loving husband or Wife with his/her high qualities of love and compassion towards every one can marry an another person who is in dire need of emotional & moral support, love and care etc..etc.

What I could conclude on the above is, Such decisions can be highly appreciable and feasible only if the SPOUSE of a person who wants to offer his/her love to another person by marrying him/her as well, unanimously agree with his/her decision.


Sounds so great, though seems impossible!!!!

Dear Ravi,

I understand. But can't you be the brother of the woman rather than being her husband if all she wants is love and affection. You can be the brother to any number of persons but being a husband to many is different. The duties you have to fulfill are different. You just can't stop with being loving and caring to her.

 

[renuka]

Dear Ravi,

I understand. But can't you be the brother of the woman rather than being her husband if all she wants is love and affection. You can be the brother to any number of persons but being a husband to many is different. The duties you have to fulfill are different. You just can't stop with being loving and caring to her.

Dear Sravna,

All this non biological Brother Sisterly feeling does not really work from what I have noted.

Many such relationships start of as Din Mein Sister and ends up as Raat Mein Bistar!LOL