Are seniors (whose children are in the US) taken for granted?

[Raji Ram]

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Dear Krishna Sir,

I too have seen such mAmAs in my family circle. The basic problem is that boys are NOT allowed even to wash the plates

in which they had eaten, branding them as 'purushA'! I hate this concept which prevails in most of the brahmin families. I

used to argue with my M I L ,who wished that all the gents should be fed first and then only the ladies! Whoever is hungry

should eat first - that is my view. The gender superiority seeded deeply in the heart during very tender age makes most

of the mAmAs adamant to do any work in the house! I have written about this in 'eNNa alaigaL' thread too!

 

[Raji Ram]

BTW, where is Kunjuppu Sir? eep:

 

[Vaagmi]

These mamas are stuck up. I just don't know how you people can drink the coffee you people make, chicory, yuk. If you shop for coffee beans assiduously, and make the coffee with proper equipment, and use proper truly organic milk, coffee you can make in the U.S. is just superb, infinitely more blissful than the sugary brown liquid that passes for coffee in Singara Chennai's Brahmin homes, and that is my considered fact

Nara,

Per every kilogram of coarsely ground coffee powder:

Peaberry of first quality -- 400 grams. These seeds are more round in shape and smaller in size.
Plantation A variety -- 600 grams.(These seeds are flat and are a little bigger in size.you have the freedom to increase or decrease this by just 50 grams this way or that way to suit your individual taste)

Both these varieties of seeds should have been roasted to appropriate levels. The Plantation should have been roasted lesser than the Peaberry.

The grinding should be to a level at which you still can feel the micron level pieces of the seeds. It should not be ground fully.

The logic in determining the share of the two varieties of seeds is this. While peaberry seeds gives the unique flavour, the plantation variety gives the characteristic bitterness which is the delight of the coffee drinker.

Adding chicory is unnecessary if the coffee powder is prepared properly according to the standards mentioned here.

Singara Chennai's brahmin homes have developed filter coffee making to the levels of a fine art. When you come here next please come to my home. You will take the coffee powder with you back to US of A.

Thanks.

 

[vgane]

Nara,

Per every kilogram of coarsely ground coffee powder:

Peaberry of first quality -- 400 grams. These seeds are more round in shape and smaller in size.
Plantation A variety -- 600 grams.(These seeds are flat and are a little bigger in size.you have the freedom to increase or decrease this by just 50 grams this way or that way to suit your individual taste)

Both these varieties of seeds should have been roasted to appropriate levels. The Plantation should have been roasted lesser than the Peaberry.

The grinding should be to a level at which you still can feel the micron level pieces of the seeds. It should not be ground fully.

The logic in determining the share of the two varieties of seeds is this. While peaberry seeds gives the unique flavour, the plantation variety gives the characteristic bitterness which is the delight of the coffee drinker.

Adding chicory is unnecessary if the coffee powder is prepared properly according to the standards mentioned here.

Singara Chennai's brahmin homes have developed filter coffee making to the levels of a fine art. When you come here next please come to my home. You will take the coffee powder with you back to US of A.

Thanks.

We use the 50:50 ratio of the above at Chennai

I like the aroma of the coffee brewn in US & drags me to the coffee vending machine installed in the Hotels/Motel

But taste wise I prefer the Chennai one

 

[Raji Ram]

.......... I like the aroma of the coffee brewn in US & drags me to the coffee vending machine installed in the Hotels/Motel ........

Very true! Similar to the saying:

Courtesy: Google images.

 

[rishikesan]

Dear All, Things have changed a lot year by year, Parents & children realize as to what they are supposed to do when they go to live with their son/ daughter for 6 months It is not to be called as Baby sitting & belittle ourselves & our children. In the First visit , we all visit U.S & look after not only our little grand children & even attend the hospital when delivery takes place there, & the parents can surely become U.S citizens . Coming to the point of Mamis they manage well, especially if she is the mother of her daughter , with the fullest co-operation of the Son-in- law ? Second & Third visits till they get much older & the grand children grow=up & the need of Paati will not be there. As a matter of fact 2nd or 3rd trips are done mostly by the mothers of Son/ Daughter. Ofcourse both plan meticulously so that Date of journeys are chosen in such a manner that both the ladies will criss= cross in Frankfurt ?
The sons/ daughters definitely make them very comfortable & surely take to places & they all feel proud & are legitimately discuss with such ladies , back in India .
They buy Flats provide Cars or insist you to use only Call taxis ( have you ever seen now=a=days an aged Thatha or Paati go by Bus ? Which we, invariably do in our day-to-day life As a matter of fact we prove to be KANJOOS even after a few visits to U.S spending a few lacs , which we would not have dreamed in our life ?
I welcome positive, thought= provoking comments, keeping in mind that we, Tamil brahmins are not to be badly criticised ?

Sincerely,
A.Srinivasan ( Rishikesan)

 

[Raji Ram]

​சுகமான சுமைகள்!

அமெரிக்க நாட்டில் குடிபுகுந்த மகன்;
அழைக்கிறான், வந்து உதவி செய்ய!

உழைத்து ஓய்ந்த நிலையிலிருந்தும்,
விழைந்து செல்லுகிறோம் தட்டாமல்!

நம் வாரிசின் செல்ல விளையாட்டுகள்
நம் கண்களை விட்டு அகன்ற பின்னர்,

வாரிசின் வாரிசுதான் அக் காட்சிகளை
வாரி வழங்கிவிடும், கணம் தவறாமல்!

இந்தியாவை விட்டுச் சென்றால், நாம்
இங்கு முதலில் செய்யும் பணிகள் பல!

தொலைபேசி, கைப்பேசி, 'இன்டர்நெட்',
தொடர வேண்டிய பணிப் பெண், L.P.G.,

ரேஷன் என்று பலவற்றையும் பார்த்து,
தேவையான ஏற்பாடுகள் செய்திடவும்,

திரும்பிய பின், அனைத்தையுமே நாம்
திரும்பப் பெற்றிட அலையவும், என்று

பல தொல்லைகள் வரிசையிலே வந்து
பல நாட்கள் உறக்கத்தைக் கெடுக்கும்!

பணியாட்களின் உதவியின்றி, அங்கு
பணிகள் புரிவது கடினமே; ஆயினும்,

மயங்க வைக்கும் மழலையின் சிரிப்பு,
தயங்க விடாமல், பயணிக்க வைக்கும்!

சுகமாகத் தினமும் வாழ்வதைவிடவும்,
சுகமான சுமைகளைச் சுமப்பது சுகமே!

:ballchain: . . . :dance:

 

[Raji Ram]

........... I welcome positive, thought= provoking comments, keeping in mind that we, Tamil brahmins are not to be badly criticised ?..........

Dear Sir,

I write about the majority of mAmAs who have been pampered by their mothers during their young age and become adamant

to do any household work. It is not a criticism. It is a fact. I am happy that when such boys land in the U S of A, they learn house

keeping and cooking so well and surprise us! But many mAmAs who go especially from Sing. Chennai, just sit idling their time

doing nothing except morning walks! I am sorry to say this but this is also a fact. I have seen madisAr mAmis adjust so well to

their new environment and I guess that is why women are supposed to be 'shakthi's for the 'sivan's!! :thumb:

 

[kunjuppu]

as someone who was in canada, and who married from madras, here is my experience of 35+ years ago and since

i already had a home with a fully equipped kitchen when mrs K joined me after marriage. i was proficient in cooking - veggie pasta mexican soups as well as basic palkad. which was a surprise to her. over the months, it was agreed that i should leave palkad cooking to her. the rest i keep, and we take turns at cooking every week, alternating north south and west cuisines.

the kids have no concept of specified gender roles. my first born used to call me daddymummy and mrs K mummydaddy.

when the first was born, we handled it ourselves. ofcourse there were offers from my parents and mrs K's. but both of us felt confident enough to handle the arrival of the baby, and being young we had energy and confidence

when the twins came a few years later, mom was widowed and stayed with us for the first 2 1/2 years. she had more fun than babysitting, as the twin girl always developed earlier than the boy, and it was a delight to see them interact and grow. the twins were easier to raise, as they kept each other company and did not want anything to do with us.

so all in all, we cannot understand the fuss people make about kids. even now i have a niece in chennai, with a 2 1/2 year old son. it takes 3 people - the mother, grandmother and great grandmother to take care of him. simply ridiculous, i felt, when i saw, them running to his each beck and call. there is a way of bringing up kids, and there IS a WAY of BRINGING up kids.

parents really dont need the grandparents, as most americans do not have the grandparents coming and living with them for child birth. only indians, chinese and filipinos do this. i think the women are spoilt or ignorant. there are enough advice, help books and videos in case you have doubts about child health issues and such. but overall, in the early stages of the baby arriving, it may be easier for the couple to handle the baby, than have a mother who brings her 30 year old views, and a father who is more a drone than any help.

this is what i think.

 

[kunjuppu]

here is an experience of a close male cousin relative of mine.

his son had twins in the usa. both son and dil are phds earning pots of money. but my cousin paid for his own and wife's airfare. they stayed for 6 months and then the wife's parents did for 6 months.

by then my cousin's turn came again. this time, due to some technicalities they totally stayed for over a year, dont know the details. mainly because the wife parents refused to come, due to winter and due to health issues (i think).

i met cousin recently in chennai. they had considered immigrating to usa and abandoned it. he was glad to be back in chennai where he said that he can live in dignity and self respect, instead of dependency.

what was most poignant - he said that it was the duty of parents to help out their children. the minute the help is completed, they become a burden, and he did not want that with his children. his wife is a bit upset, but he is back in chennai, and at 71 with a job and routine.

and then, i have another girl cousin, whose inlaws moved in with them, the day after their marriage 28 years ago. the parents were sponsored by the sister and as soon as the son married and set up a household, they moved in. it was tense household for my cousin, but somehow she has managed. i could not understand why old people, who were so well off in madras, give up everything and become direct or indirect burdens on their children.

i am sure, all the children need, is a word of confidence that the parents are well and can handle themselves. not easy to handle such situations and no one solution for everyone.

.. and parents need to think very deeply about unrooting themselves from india and moving abroad. a trial period of say, 6 months, including winter, may not be a bad idea.

 

[P.J.]

PJ Sir

I get your point but wanted to state that you just cant be suddenly useful at Old age one fine morning unless u develop that trait right from young age .I have seen many old people in my own family who are basically good people but a big nuisance as they are dependent on almost everything on others ( like wife , husband as the case may be or children and servants ) and they have not learned to be self reliant right from a young age and the problem is when they grow old they are a burden both to themselves as well as to others and such people are never happy either in India or in USA/UK/Canada .
Life is a continuous learning journey and retirement is only for the job we do but not for life and we must constantly keep learning and evolving ourselves as much as we can ( at least till we are physcially and mentally sound and healthy ) so that we are a less of a burden to others and more useful to them .
I will later share case of how lack of self reliance in simple things by old people is causing bitterness in many familes .

mskrishna Sir

Everyone knows that one should be useful always; the op is about seniors spending their old age with Foreign settled son/ daughter/ with grand children.

Is it unfair for the son/ daughters to use their aged old parents to travel that distance to help them out and doing baby sitting or should they lead an independent staying in their own place and by going around etc etc. This is the point of discussion.

In that respect only I answered; also most of the other replies are in that respect.

However one might be useful, he or she is not accepted to stay permanently with other family; in olden days, a widowed childless Aunt, used to stay with her brother’s family doing all sorts of household works; in some families they are respected and in some cases, they are not.

If some one has lot of property and other forms of assets in their name, they may be invited to stay with their relatives only to get a major part of that property.

But in olden days, brothers and sisters kept their own widowed issueless sister with them with affection (in most cases)

 

[Nara]

...... When you come here next please come to my home. .

Vaagmi, thanks for the invitation, I appreciate it. Perhaps coffee in your home may be the exception!!

 

[renuka]

Nara,

Per every kilogram of coarsely ground coffee powder:

Peaberry of first quality -- 400 grams. These seeds are more round in shape and smaller in size.
Plantation A variety -- 600 grams.(These seeds are flat and are a little bigger in size.you have the freedom to increase or decrease this by just 50 grams this way or that way to suit your individual taste)

Both these varieties of seeds should have been roasted to appropriate levels. The Plantation should have been roasted lesser than the Peaberry.

The grinding should be to a level at which you still can feel the micron level pieces of the seeds. It should not be ground fully.

The logic in determining the share of the two varieties of seeds is this. While peaberry seeds gives the unique flavour, the plantation variety gives the characteristic bitterness which is the delight of the coffee drinker.

Adding chicory is unnecessary if the coffee powder is prepared properly according to the standards mentioned here.

Singara Chennai's brahmin homes have developed filter coffee making to the levels of a fine art. When you come here next please come to my home. You will take the coffee powder with you back to US of A.

Thanks.

Dear Vaagmi ji,

You drink coffee? Surprised!

Coffee is habit forming.. and is classified as Rajas!


Rajasic (stimulant) foods.

Stimulant foods, also called mutative foods, mutable foods or rajasic foods, are foods that often provoke mental restlessness. They are not completely beneficial, nor are they harmful, to body or mind. Foods that cannot be categorized as either sentient or static are classified in this food group.
These foods are thought by some to cause aggressive and dominating thoughts, especially towards others[SUP][citation needed][/SUP].
Stimulant foods energize and develop the manipura (navel) chakra and body but do not promote advancement in the higher chakras.
Such foods include: caffeinated drinks such as coffee, tea (both black and green), cola drinks, energy drinks, brown or black chocolate, gingko biloba, spicy food, salt, and unfertilized egg.

 

[Vaagmi]

Dear Vaagmi ji,

You drink coffee? Surprised!

Coffee is habit forming.. and is classified as Rajas!


Rajasic (stimulant) foods.

Stimulant foods, also called mutative foods, mutable foods or rajasic foods, are foods that often provoke mental restlessness. They are not completely beneficial, nor are they harmful, to body or mind. Foods that cannot be categorized as either sentient or static are classified in this food group.
These foods are thought by some to cause aggressive and dominating thoughts, especially towards others[SUP][citation needed][/SUP].
Stimulant foods energize and develop the manipura (navel) chakra and body but do not promote advancement in the higher chakras.
Such foods include: caffeinated drinks such as coffee, tea (both black and green), cola drinks, energy drinks, brown or black chocolate, gingko biloba, spicy food, salt, and unfertilized egg.

Renukaji,

If you happen to meet me you will have more surprises. LOL. Do you remember I asked you a question some time back about Saibaba? You chose to wriggle out and did not answer my question. Please recall that question and try to find an answer. You need not record it here. The answer when you get it will be useful to you. The answer to your expression of surprise is this: I drink coffee when I choose to be rajasic. Did you get it? Thanks.

 

[renuka]

Renukaji,

If you happen to meet me you will have more surprises. LOL. Do you remember I asked you a question some time back about Saibaba? You chose to wriggle out and did not answer my question. Please recall that question and try to find an answer. You need not record it here. The answer when you get it will be useful to you. The answer to your expression of surprise is this: I drink coffee when I choose to be rajasic. Did you get it? Thanks.

Dear Vaagmi Ji,

I had directed you to Sai Thread to find your answers which I guess you haven't wiggled in yet!

BTW I think I get it now...so that means Whenever you desire to be Rajas or Tamas you become so and on other occasions you apply the तस्य लोपः and delete the effect and get back to Sattva.

 

[Raji Ram]

Vaagmi, thanks for the invitation, I appreciate it. ...........!

If I remember correct, Prof Sir has no intention of visiting Sing. Chennai ever!

 

[Nara]

If I remember correct, Prof Sir has no intention of visiting Sing. Chennai ever!

Love from a distance dear Mrs. RR, for familiarity breeds ....

There was a time when we seriously contemplated retiring in Chennai, I even took sabbatical and spent close to 5 months in Chennai, and thats what did it. It brought the horrors of Chennai life in very clear relief. I really feel sorry for those who are trapped there, with all the dust, noise, traffic, heat, humidity, and astonishingly selfish, unruly and uncivil people, I just don't want to spend another minute in that godforsaken city if I can help it. In this case I find it easy love individual people than the aggregate.

However, I can never say never, who knows, slings and arrows of outrageous fortune may force me to visit, and if and when that happens, I hope I will not be seen as a heathen to be studiously avoided ....

 

[guruvayurappan]

#10
DEAR VR !
it all depends how we take the things.
மனம் விரும்பி செய்யும் எதுவும் இன்பம்தான் .
guruvayurappan

 

[palindrome]

There was a time when we seriously contemplated retiring in Chennai, I even took sabbatical and spent close to 5 months in Chennai, and thats what did it. It brought the horrors of Chennai life in very clear relief. I really feel sorry for those who are trapped there, with all the dust, noise, traffic, heat, humidity, and astonishingly selfish, unruly and uncivil people, I just don't want to spend another minute in that godforsaken city if I can help it. In this case I find it easy love individual people than the aggregate.

Same here. Kids absolutely hated Chennai. As long as i stayed in Chennai felt sick. Couldn't breathe black soot / smoke /dust which is supposedly 'normal-air'. Biggest joke was mom kept pestering me to do deep breathing exercises (lmao). Sickening traffic, noise, pollution, humidity, not to mention very difficult people. Further down south is comparatively a relief...

 

[P.J.]

Problem with Chennai like Cities is that, due to its climate and pollution, it gets periodic epidemics like Dingu Fever, Madras Eye and many more; Throughout the Year , one or the other type of epidemic are wide spread in Chennai!!; any disease spreads very fast due to lack of civic sense among the public, and they use the public places as Toilets and dustbins!!



Normally, you can see people waiting for a Doctor in large number in a clinic with common ailments like, fever, or stomach related problems etc, which is very rare in US.

Things are no doubt improving with the introduction of daily collection of wastes from each homes, but generally people throw anything on the roads, with the result , more insects are generated causing these epidemics.

 

[kunjuppu]

i am not sure, i like folks putting down chennai or madras, whatever you may call it.

it is my hometown, and had it not been for some accidents in life, i would be still living there. i visit chennai every year, for the past 10 years, and some years, more than once. i have never been disappointed, as with each visit, i get more thrills and excitement.

ofcourse there is dust poverty pollution corruption therichflauntingtheirwealth arrogance rudeness inefficiency and youcannameeveryhumanfailingsanditwillbethere in chennai.

but it is my town. there is music dance mangoes restaurants itcchola galleries sankarahall satyamtheatres and woodlands all of which makes madras uniques. i like the sounds and flavours of the new malls. i like visiting my alma mater iit as well the marina beach, crowded but i enjoy the crowd for these are my folks speaking my language. there is the kapali temple, the ther and aruvathi moovar, all annual exciting stuff. the deepavali in madras is still something to savour, though kolu might have lost its shine due to extreme apartmentization

.. and then, in my old neighbourhood, during xmas time, on saturday nights, there are the caroling folks, with sweet simple melodius tamil carols which provide a warmth to the december chills. soon to be accompanied by mlv's maale manivanna, blaring from the nearby temple, to add to the religiosity of maargazhi.

my children loved madras each time they came. they enjoyed meeting the people and attending the functions.

from rural north malabar, madras gave life and living to my father so that he could start a business, marry, have two children, educate them, marry his daughter and have a fulfilling life. even to this day, every visit, i meet autorickshaw drivers or pharmacists, who are immigrants from the districts, and who are amazed at the old madras stories that i have to share.

maybe we have moved out of india. maybe we consider ourselves fortunate to escape the corruption and the pollution. but that has happened only by the sleight of a chance in life. to millions of chennaivasis, chennai is home. it may not look thus to NRIs, but to the residents, it is still singara chennai

 

[P.J.]

Kunjuppu Sir

I am also a Chennai Vasi, born and brought up there,love the place, love to walk on the Marina, eat at Saravana Bhavan Sambar Vadai, meet my friends and relatives, go to my place and see my Village Temple and many more; the point we are discussing is about NRI children visiting Chennai and how do they feel about it; the first time when they visit, they may be astonished to see Cows , and different types of Transports plying over there, but generally they hate the climate since most of them go there during the high summer!!

In US , Schools are closed from end May to first week of September, some schools open in Mid August; so this period is not good to visit Chennai especially when power cuts are there!!

I always go to Chennai after the end of peak Summer, but Chennai has only Hot, hotter, Hottest Climate during the year.

May be some other parts of India are pleasant during even Summer, many are discussing only about Singagara Chennai!or Stink kara Chennai

picture source:Google
The Hindu : Tamil Nadu / Chennai News : “Corporation must make city clean”

 

[Nara]

..... but that has happened only by the sleight of a chance in life.

Yes, this is so true, and I am ever so thankful that the sleight of a life chance took me away from dreadful Chennai. I love all the things you love about Chennai, but they are not enough for me to compensate for the things I just can't stand about Chennai. I can love Chennaites on a one-on-one basis, and there are many such, but on the aggregate, the less I have to interact with them, the better it is for me.

 

[kkumar29]

I love all the things you love about Chennai, but they are not enough for me to compensate for the things I just can't stand about Chennai.

I visit Chennai because I have to and the countdown starts the minute I enter into the walkway from the plane. I can't stand the humidity, the noise the pollution and the constant worry of stepping on to something that is foul. I consume 4-5 big bottles of water every day and if by chance the water happens to be of shady quality then I have to fall back on "Immodium" to see me through the couple of days that I spend there.

I used to have fond memories of Delhi when I used to visit, however even Delhi has become a nightmare. However, as Kunjuppu mentioned, Delhi is the place I grew up in so tolerance level is a little high to enjoy and savor the childhood memories. But all that vanished when my daughter visited Delhi for the first time and after 5 minutes wanted to go back home. She could not tolerate the noise, the pollution, the traffic and the whole lot. So now a days I don't visit India unless I have to. This has been the case for the last 20 odd years.

K. Kumar

 

[Raji Ram]

People safely settled abroad might speak ill of Chennai. :blah:

But for me it is Sing. Chennai for ever, be it full of noise and dust pollution.

P.S: Only a few Sing. Chennai members like to have get together at my sweet home! :thumb: