Brahmin Community - Disintegrating by settling abroad !!

[renuka]

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Hi Renuka,

Sorry, have to strongly disagree here!!.

Extra-marital affairs are totally unacceptable because one causes unimaginable hurt to their spouses by doing it. This hurt remains a lifetime even if the spouse forgives & stay together, most cases end up in divorce.

so a person indulging in extra-marital affairs is bad & immoral & to be shunned by society as an example for others !!

Cheers,
JK

dear JK,

Thats why there should be a good back up plan so that a person doesnt get caught!!LOL
Now you understand why ignorance is bliss?

You know its actually hard to shun anyone cos we might not know if we had indulged in such behavior in a previous birth so better not shun anyone for any reason.

 

[C RAVI]

Dear Renuka,

Are you so sure???

You know what? One of my Ex Muslim colleague is very active in extra marital affairs. He justifies his acts, saying that he apologize to God for his affairs, cheating on his wife.

My intention is not to degrade any religion. All religion teaches good morality, responsibility, trust, honor, respect and righteousness. It's only we humans, irrespective of our caste and religion, who use religions principles and teachings of performing penance to suite our whims and fancy.

Dear Ravi,

Extra marital affairs doesn't mean a person is a bad person.Some humans are addicted to the thrill of a new encounter.
It can also be sex addiction which is a treatable medical condition.

They are hooked on the high feeling of an new 'connection' but you see even then your colleague didn't forget God.


Thats what I am saying...some people might claim to be Uttamans but will describe God in worst of words if things do not go their way.

So its hard to say who is better..anyway being good is thought word and deed.
So some guy who didnt have an extra marital affair could be yearning for it each time but just didnt get a chance yet.

There is much more than what meets the eye.LOL!!!

Dear Renuka,


I was not emphasizing on the devotee's fear and trust on his God by way of his 5 time prayers and all. If you dwell deep in my statements, probably you can understand that, He has a strong feelings that his sense of betrayal to his wife and his wrong deeds would be warded off by offering prayers. His God will forgive him as long as he keeps doing prayers 5 times a day. It seems people can offer prayers for 5 times, or confess to a priest and take for granted that their God will come to their rescue, even if they do what ever they feel like doing.

For me it does not appear to be a honorable sense of not forgetting God. It does not appear to me as great reverence to God/spirituality. All that appears to me is - Forgetting one's commitment, morality, trustworthiness and love & respect towards one's spouse AND that one can do anything in any ways, having God as a simple and effective tool to keep one self going with his/her deeds without any sense of guilt & what is right and what is wrong. And still he will be protected by the supreme being.

As far as Hindus showing disrespect/anger to God is concerned, in general. when you find Hindus shouting and screaming on God due disappointments in spite of their spiritual activities, they would be those who have indulged in tough penance and have remained righteous with full dedication to God, in their hopes to get relieved from their bad/tough situation.


So, you mean to say that all the people who don't indulge in premarital or extramarital affairs are those who couldn't get a chance? Otherwise all will do? Including yourself?? LOL!!!!

All humans have the desire to enjoy the life of humans to the fullest, having all sorts of feelings and needs. That is what is normal and natural. It differs only with how you achieve them.

A sense of perversion and lust may crop up looking at others. But a person who value the values of one's culture and respect relationships would never make an attempt to fulfill such stimulation. He/she will not indulge by praying to God, saying God is above all and just asking apology to him and praying him will be enough to carry on. Rather, he/she will refrain from such indulgence with sense of respect and trustworthiness towards his/her spouse. Even if at all he/she slips by chance would remorse for his/her deeds and either would be bold enough to tell and ask apology and refrain from such things in future honestly or would not tell BUT would ever be truthful with his/her own firm and balanced sense.

Whether it's about an attempt towards pre/extramarital affairs or any other unethical/immoral activities, all that matters is IF you finally have stepped in to do it OR NOT? If you have cheated and pained any one or not? If you have lost yourself or not?

It is sounding nice to say that, a wrong thought is enough to make you a sinner. Such statements off course helps human to restrict one self with such ideas that may lead to actions. BUT, what you do and what you impact is what helps us all to live in peace and pleasure and with sense of love and respect or otherwise, among we humans, in our society.

So, you are saying that, some humans are addicted to the thrill of a new sex encounter due bodily conditions and they are just similar to drug addicts and mental patients who all can be treated? Are you kidding?

Perverted minds that are hooked on the high feelings of a new connection can not be medically treated. Such people can change only through self or forced refinement by way of making them realize some or other ways. Some perverted people can be considered as medical case and can be treated only if they have some psychological disorders due some or other bitter reasons.

There is much more than what a civilized mere human can realize about the purpose of God, spirituality and cultural values, dear Renuka!!

 

[C RAVI]

dear JK,



You know its actually hard to shun anyone cos we might not know if we had indulged in such behavior in a previous birth so better not shun anyone for any reason.

Come on dear Renuka!!!! Why are you kidding again and again???

So basically are you saying that the society should be mindful of each and every one's past deeds and leave the immoral/unethical practices to exist?

Common Renuka, don't be irresponsible in this public forum at least and say that immoral sexual behavior, sex trafficking, narcotic drugs trafficking and any other immoral/unethical practices by fellow humans need not be condemned and restricted by considering the previous unethical/immoral deeds of each of the other humans in their previous life.

The Hindu society does not work towards justifying the previous karmas of the folks. It work towards betterment of the present and the future period of the folks in the society, living their present life, for the well being of all.

So, don't give such improper suggestions, even if you mean it in a funny way. As a person, much inclined towards spirituality and being a humanist, don't suggest anything that would not make any right sense.

Now, don't get angry and tell me that, I am going over board and offering you an unsolicited suggestion...

 

[Raghy]

Dear Sowbagyavathy Renuka, Greetings.

Dear Raghyji,

Sometimes in Hindu poetry the meaning should not be taken literally.
It might appear disrespectful at a glance but the meaning is much deeper than what meets the eye.

The opening words of the poem I quoted in my message in post #42 is to be taken literally. The first word Sundaramurthi Nayanar used was indeed 'பித்தா!' literally meaning what it says. Here is the reason.....

The epic Periyapuranam states[SUP][who?][/SUP] that while Sundarar was being married, the service was interrupted by an old ascetic who asked for Sundarar as his servant, claiming that Sundarar's grandfather pledged him according to an ancient palm leaf manuscript in his possession. Sundarar and those assembled at the wedding were outraged and called the old man a madman (piththaan: Tamil). But a court of Vedic scholars concluded that the palm leaf was legally valid. Crestfallen, Sundarar resigned himself to servitude in the old man's household and, following him to Thiruvennainallur village, was led to the Thiruvarutturai Shiva temple.
The old man was said to be Shiva himself, who told him: "You will henceforth be known as Vanthondan, the argumentative devotee. Did you not call me a mad man just a short while ago? Begin your hymn addressing me 'O mad man!'".[

.... Sundarar - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

That is one of my favourite poems.

Cheers!

 

[biswa]

The Tamil Brahmins go for study to US and enamoured by the high quality of living, Equality of Opportunity and tremendous scope for career advancement stick over there...US is considered as a meltng pot of cultures and it assimilates various cultures, nationalities, languages seemlessly which is a point of envy and admiration.

These reasons are common across India....Currently Telugu & Gujarati communities throng US and almost 2/3rd migrants from India belong to these 2 States...

I was in Chicago a few years back & visited the the Balaji temple at Aurora...I was amazed after observing the way the Hindu culture and traditions are being maintained there...So I don't think that we would be morally loose only on account of migration. I have provided the link here.
Sri Venkateswara Swami (Balaji) Temple of Greater Chicago

Well said. Not only the Aurora Chicago temple, but I will also request people to visit the Vishnu temples in Pittsburgh or in Livermore CA and compare with the temple situation in India. I think we would be hard-pressed to conclude that the worshippers or the worship is inferior abroad in any way. Of course God is the same everywhere ...

 

[biswa]

I keep visiting US very often, have a lot of friends/colleagues there. In one of my visits to a Indian family, the next gen kids did not know anything about Deepavali, Ramayana, Mahabarata, had not heard the word Vedas etc.. They were the kids of a mixed marriage between a TB & Chinese.

I do not think this is very typical. I personally go to a program every year where little Indian children perform a Ramayana play. At least 200 children participate in various aspects. Of course it depends on the location.

On the other hand if somebody has married a Chinese, it is not unexpected either. Specially if the mother is Chinese, she will have a heavy influence. For all we know the Chinese side is lamenting that the children are not celebrating the Chinese New Year or Mao Tse Tung's birth anniversary.

 

[prasad1]

I agree with you Biswa, it is that people who left TN, or India, maintain more of the culture than the people who remained back. I do see some TN TB living very conservative life, but I also see some TN TB are too modernized(?), and have adopted new morals. Without judging there is changing culture. PIO's even celebrate India's Independence day, and republic day.

I do not want to make it as a TN TB's vs non TN TB's.

Mr. JK,
I hope you realize why I was reluctant to comment on this thread. We are all caught up in circumstances beyond our control. We may think we have the choice of selecting where we should, but it is not easy.
When I visit India, and tried to find a vacation home in TN, I did not fit in with the local culture. The little things like getting simple things in life is chore in India. I would return to India for convenience of getting full time help, or Vegetarian Tamil food, but I have nothing in common with others. I do not share the love of Tamil Movies, Carnatic music, or Tamil Nadu politics. Our children are in USA, I would be rather here helping them (as long as I am needed).

 

[renuka]

So, you mean to say that all the people who don't indulge in premarital or extramarital affairs are those who couldn't get a chance? Otherwise all will do? Including yourself?? LOL!!!!

Dear Ravi,

Simple answer to this :yahan kal kya ho kisne jaana...none of us really know tomorrow LOL!!

Ravi..there are 2 types of Good people..

1)Those who are truly good with no seeds of vice to sprout
2)Those who are apparently good cos the seeds of vice havent yet sprouted.

No one is born perfect..its takes countless births to attain perfection.After all didnt Lord Krishna say in Geeta that


Out of many thousands among men, one may strive for perfection, and of those who have won perfection, hardly one knows me in truth [or in essence]. [Bhagavad Gita 7:3].

 

[biswa]

Mr. Ravi I agree with you that we should not condone unethical behavior. But perhaps Smt. Renuka also has a point that we should not always judge a person by his/her past actions. Since the Ramayana has been mentioned, we need not look further than its author Valmiki. As we all know, Valmiki did not come from a high-class, priestly background. He was a highway robber. Yet by self-transformation he produced a body of work that led him to be highly regarded in India for thousands of years.

 

[renuka]

Come on dear Renuka!!!! Why are you kidding again and again???

So basically are you saying that the society should be mindful of each and every one's past deeds and leave the immoral/unethical practices to exist?

Common Renuka, don't be irresponsible in this public forum at least and say that immoral sexual behavior, sex trafficking, narcotic drugs trafficking and any other immoral/unethical practices by fellow humans need not be condemned and restricted by considering the previous unethical/immoral deeds of each of the other humans in their previous life.

The Hindu society does not work towards justifying the previous karmas of the folks. It work towards betterment of the present and the future period of the folks in the society, living their present life, for the well being of all.

So, don't give such improper suggestions, even if you mean it in a funny way. As a person, much inclined towards spirituality and being a humanist, don't suggest anything that would not make any right sense.

Now, don't get angry and tell me that, I am going over board and offering you an unsolicited suggestion...

Dear Ravi,

I am not angry with you..why should I be?
What you said have points too.Cos life is always viewed at either end of the spectrum.

My post do not encourage immoral behaviour but I am just being brutally frank about what happens in life.

I have a few friends who have cheated on their wives.
I do not view them with disgust cos I still value their friendship with them cos some have been my childhood friends.

I do not offer them advise too unless they ask me.
When I were to meet their wives I do not even hint what their husbands are doing cos its none of my business and divulging unpleasant truth can ruin an apparently stable marriage.

Yes you are right..I am inclined towards spirituality..I too have been harshly judgemental in the very recent past week but do not want to be so now.
May be I have even harshly judge those who even speak ill of God but now I realized that even that is none of my business.

We learn lots of things daily and this is what I feel.

 

[sudeshwer]

well, I wish to narrate my own experience. I live abroad most of the time in a year. here there are brahmins who wish to maintain their culture; aviniavittam, all pujas, tharpanam, srardham are followed and done religiously. we speak with our grandchildren in tamil although they reply in english. why we talk about brahmins settled abroad. TB settles in other states in India. they assimilate with local culture viz. rakshabandan, karwachouth etc which many TB follows. there is nothing wrong in that. if there is will, TBs can maintain their identity. I do daily sandhyavandanam; ofcourse I am above 70. my son may not be so rigid in following the rituals but do prayer every morning, light the lamp in puja room, ensure his children pray sometime. In California where I live most of the time, he rituals are better done than in India, for that matter in TN. so, let us not loose heart. we are TBs and we should be proud of. as Dr Renuka mentions, Pattars(Palghat brahmins) hails from Thanjavur district and Pattars are well integrated with malayalies;some time they despise easteners(kezakethians) and avoid even marry with them although things are changing.

 

[Jaykay767]

Hi Prasad, Sudeshwer,

first off, let me clarify. I am settled outside of TN. so the issue is not about settled in TN or outside. Phalghat Iyers follow all the brahmin rituals/traditions. South Brahmins (other than TB) follow all of our traditions very well & even better . Infact those settled in India dont face this issue. many settled in Delhi/Calcutta, continue our traditions for the last 60+ yrs.

The issue is for those settled abroad specifically in western countries. I know that many many people attend the Balaji, Rama temples in US, but these are all mostly first generation & their kids.

Pl look at the next gen kids (2nd, 3rd), they will not follow these rituals, most will marry outside & then the cultures are completely lost.

I know Biswa was commenting that the Chinese are lamenting that their culture is lost, so similarly I am lamenting that our culture is lost I mean I am on TB.com not on chinese.com portal

There are many many issues in settling back in India not only in TN due to logistics, quality of life etc.. But unfortunately that is the only way to preserve out culture & traditions. Also there are other cities like Bangalore, Hyderabad, Mysore etc that I can look at.

Mr. Prasad, yours is a unique situation where your family follows the Hindu culture/traditions. However if you look at the statistics of those who migrated in 50s/60s/70s, most of them are lost in 1 to 2 generations.

Pl dont get me wrong. This thread is NOT to finger point to those settled abroad, but I have my friends & colleagues (not only brahmins, including Gujaratis & Bengalis - u know how much the Bengalis love their language ) settled in west lamenting about 1000s of years of "unique" family traditions being lost !! -

Cheers,
JK

 

[ozone]

Dear shri Sudeshwer,
I note your point. Sri JK's comment is not about you and your generation - what he calls first generation.
His point is - have you transferred this culture to your grand chidren, or only join them in their christmas, thanks giving celebrations. I think JK agrees that going abroad is not the issue, only leaving behind the culture and not taking it along is.

 

[C RAVI]

Dear shri Sudeshwer,
I note your point. Sri JK's comment is not about you and your generation - what he calls first generation.
His point is - have you transferred this culture to your grand chidren, or only join them in their christmas, thanks giving celebrations. I think JK agrees that going abroad is not the issue, only leaving behind the culture and not taking it along is.

Exactly!!!!

 

[C RAVI]

Mr. Ravi I agree with you that we should not condone unethical behavior. But perhaps Smt. Renuka also has a point that we should not always judge a person by his/her past actions. Since the Ramayana has been mentioned, we need not look further than its author Valmiki. As we all know, Valmiki did not come from a high-class, priestly background. He was a highway robber. Yet by self-transformation he produced a body of work that led him to be highly regarded in India for thousands of years.

Mr.Biswa, I am not talking about judging any one personally. All I am saying is, in our human society we do define what is right and what is wrong considering our cultural values.

We as an individual can not and should not point fingers on others personal choice of living. But we can well realize what wrong or right the other individual is doing. We can well instill good values into our children which can not be possible without pointing out what is bad/wrong. We can not/should not tell our son/daughter - Yes, that person is doing all wrong things and it's his/her personal choice of indulgence. So, if you are fascinated with that, you can do the same as your personal choice of indulgence for which neither any other person can question you nor you need to compromise. Can we, Mr.Biswa??

Whether it's a religious or secular society we do need a system to check on wrong/immoral activities and shun them. That's how the society works and is working.

Yes, I know about Valmiki who was a high way robber who used to rob the people on their way before killing them. We know that the folks passing through the highway were not happy with him and were not honoring him. He was enlightened by Narada Muni and upon the robber's request to transform himself, Narada Muni asked him to repeat Lord Rama's name. That's how great Valmiki emerged out of sinful robber doing "wrong" things.

I am not saying that people who do wrong things are supposed to be humiliated and killed, considering other common folks equal to God..LOL!!!!

Honestly, I could not understand what you were conveying to me while elaborating Renuka's POV.?

Whether it is previous Valimiki as highway robber, or Auto Shankar or today's corrupted politicians or Premananda or unethical/immoral common folks of the society etc..etc..etc, the common thing among them is ,they did and are doing wrong things.

This thread is about "sustaining culture". In these lines, I would say that, the changing trends are taking away the desirable and charm full values of Indian culture of all the communities, both in India and outside India. We all have hell lots of issues in India and are forced to migrate in search of greener pasture. We have lots of challenges to sustain our Indian culture and we are the ones to see what we want and where we go. We all are concerned about material comfort and security and we weigh things to decide what is "the must" for us. It's all fine if at all we could sustain our Indian culture, dwelling outside, from one generation to many following generations BUT that is what seem to be impossible.

To provide solace to our self, IMHO, we can not say that "what is our own special culture, to be fascinated about"? OR "We are not the only community that is losing our unique culture. So what's the big deal"? etc..etc..

As the OP says, disintegration between individuals of minority Brahmin community within India and disintegration due to settling down in a foreign land is certainly leading to loss of our culture, over a period of time.

 

[prasad1]

Mr, JK, Ravi, and others,

I have raised this point, I did not get a clear answer, What is 'culture', that is being lost by going abroad? Is this culture universal to TN TB's?
I agree culture is evolving in each place according to the local condition. So in this respect the old values are lost at various speeds.

I am more disappointed to see the rampant superstition, very poor understanding of true Hindu values. The philosophy's of Shankara and Ramana Maharishi is replaced by the cult of various gurus and swamis. The TB's are fighting in the race to the bottom. I would not call that culture.

The present day TB children may be following the rituals of the past, but they do not understand it. The very first instance they are out of the earshot of their parents, drop all pretense and abandon all cultural practices. Even today the young TB's come here to states and eat non-vegetarian food, drink alcohol, and co-habitats. They may be do Sandyanavandanam.

 

[Jaykay767]

Hi Prasad,

what is your definition of culture ?.

As I said earlier, in my visit to US, I went a TB/Chinese family, they did not know anything about Ramayana, Mahabarata, Deepavali, never heard the word Vedas !!. They were celebrating Christmas, thanks giving festivals !!. So I hope we are on the common page when I say this family has lost its Hindu traditions/culture ??

Cheers,
JK

 

[C RAVI]

Hi Prasad,

what is your definition of culture ?.

As I said earlier, in my visit to US, I went a TB/Chinese family, they did not know anything about Ramayana, Mahabarata, Deepavali, never heard the word Vedas !!. They were celebrating Christmas, thanks giving festivals !!. So I hope we are on the common page when I say this family has lost its Hindu traditions/culture ??

Cheers,
JK

Mr.Jaykay767,

You have said the above simple thing before too and your are right in your observations.

For an example, I came in touch with a PIO who once had interactions with Brahmin Samajam outside India. The person does not know what is Kaardaiyan Nombu, Aarudra Darshanam and few other stuffs.

I understand that in this fast moving and fast changing globalized world these rituals, festivals may not be of great significance to a person as per his/her choice of living.

But the fact remains as it is. The cultural/traditional values and significance are lost. The sense of festivity with all its charm and reverence are lost.

With due intimation and respect to dear Renuka, she said long before that she found herself sharing "Paalum Pazhammum" as newly wedded couples in their respective homes (that is done to solemnize new member's entry in in-laws home), in front of group of relatives was too embarrassing and irritating. That is the impact on PIO's owing to their wider knowledge and intellect and the sense of exploring relevancy of this tradition with respect to the present Globalized era, where there exists the practices of Live in Relationship anywhere, below the roof.

Shri Prasad,

You are saying that the culture is changing, that is inevitable and we are saying that, we are losing our culture. The only difference is, you could graciously welcome the change and are enjoying it. We feel pained to see our culture and tradition progressing towards death.

 

[prasad1]

Hi Prasad,

what is your definition of culture ?.

As I said earlier, in my visit to US, I went a TB/Chinese family, they did not know anything about Ramayana, Mahabarata, Deepavali, never heard the word Vedas !!. They were celebrating Christmas, thanks giving festivals !!. So I hope we are on the common page when I say this family has lost its Hindu traditions/culture ??

Cheers,
JK

I understand your point and I agree with that. But that happens when a TB marries a Non-Hindu Bengali Girl. That is not due to being in USA.

Or it may happen even when a TB marries a girl from "self respect" group. Culture is maintained and nurtured generally by women (even in this day). I know my nieces, and other friends who have married people of other religion, but still teach Hindu culture, visit India , and maintain relationship with the Indian side. It is the boys who marries girl from other community who are lost to Indian ways.

 

[prasad1]

Mr.Jaykay767,

You have said the above simple thing before too and your are right in your observations.

For an example, I came in touch with a PIO who once had interactions with Brahmin Samajam outside India. The person does not know what is Kaardaiyan Nombu, Aarudra Darshanam and few other stuffs.

I understand that in this fast moving and fast changing globalized world these rituals, festivals may not be of great significance to a person as per his/her choice of living.

But the fact remains as it is. The cultural/traditional values and significance are lost. The sense of festivity with all its charm and reverence are lost.

With due intimation and respect to dear Renuka, she said long before that she found herself sharing "Paalum Pazhammum" as newly wedded couples in their respective homes (that is done to solemnize new member's entry in in-laws home), in front of group of relatives was too embarrassing and irritating. That is the impact on PIO's owing to their wider knowledge and intellect and the sense of exploring relevancy of this tradition with respect to the present Globalized era, where there exists the practices of Live in Relationship anywhere, below the roof.

Shri Prasad,

You are saying that the culture is changing, that is inevitable and we are saying that, we are losing our culture. The only difference is, you could graciously welcome the change and are enjoying it. We feel pained to see our culture and tradition progressing towards death.

Ravi,
I agree with you and it also pains me that our culture is changing. I was shocked to go to Dinner and get Rasam that is sweet (i was told it is pineapple), then eat thiar shadam with Raisins, and avaikai with Garlic. We have our gripes.

It is again the same the food is generally women's control, boys have no say in it, so our culture changes, with intercaste, interrace, intercultural marriages. It is a reality.

To me in Tamil Nadu the Avidya, the ignorance, the following of superstitions is more damaging, than the changing of food, dress, or social mores. I guess it depends on what is more important.

You will agree that Renuka's child will get lot more Information about Tamil culture, than from a christian Bengali mother (a random group), or a catholic American mother.

AR Rahman is a loss to Hindu culture. I do not know if a TB will agree to that. LOL

 

[Jaykay767]

Ravi,
To me in Tamil Nadu the Avidya, the ignorance, the following of superstitions is more damaging, than the changing of food, dress, or social mores. I guess it depends on what is more important.

Hi Prasad,

while this may be true, I dont think it is as important as lost families & culture. TN needs to change & will change in time due to modernization.

Many families have been completely lost settling abroad in 1 to 2 generations & this is a real issue & people need to review if they want to settle abroad for the long term or go make money, come back & settle in india !!

Cheers,
JK

 

[C RAVI]

Ravi,

You will agree that Renuka's child will get lot more Information about Tamil culture, than from a christian Bengali mother (a random group), or a catholic American mother.

Shri Prasad,

Getting information as GK is different than what you could clearly understand, honestly accept, graciously value and happily follow, as a PIO.

 

[prasad1]

We will agree to disagree.
To quote from a good friend
The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything, they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

 

[Iyyarooraan]

There are Tamil Brahmins families settled abroad for years have touch with their own culture and there are others who have strayed away currently. If select families from both groups have to return to India for the same reason they went abroad for, then imagine the predicaments of those who have severed their identity. If we cannot maintain our identity, if others too cannot do so, the scenario all over the world will be chaotic. It is the identity of an individual, of a family, of a nation only, I suppose, holds everything together. If the individual destroys his own identity, he might see others as Frankenstein or others could see him as one. Maybe, it does not look that bad now and I will fervently wish the world becomes one without suspicion, hatredness and with fraternal feeling. Let us hope for the best but fear for the worst.

 

[Jaykay767]

well, if Irish Americans, Europeans, Jews are so focussed on preserving their culture, religion, Identity, then we have every right to worry about our Hindu culture & Identity !!

Lets not lose focus on the issue by getting into semantics of TN v/s rest, non hindu marraiges in India etc..

Most of the families settled abroad (west) have lost their identities/culture in 1 to 2 generations. & it is something we need to worry about & do something !!