Brahmin Marriages - Assertiveness/Aggressiveness of Girls - History and introspection

[Jaykay767]

Share:

Facebook X (Twitter) LinkedIn WhatsApp Email Share Link

Lets compare the cultures.

South Indian men & women - are in general docile & soft across all communities. It has both positives & negatives, & I would say it has more positives. South India stood against Islamic Invasion for 700 yrs where as North India despite all its aggresiveness could not. why ?. when people are generally docile & soft, they will be very conservative, they will come together very closely, support each other, & find strength in numbers, phenomenal loyalty - you will not see any south Indian betraying their own community in history unlike a Mir Jaffer who betrayed Tipu Sultan or many such cases in history.

So lets appreciate our culture & its strength. If you teach your kids - aggression, then they will take huge risks in life & that will lead to bigger disasters. They will someday beat someone to death & land up in Jail !!. Aggression spawns aggression & you can see how that culture shapes the violence & killing, rapes etc.. in North.

Now coming to this question of Brahmin men not getting married.

1. Brahmin Boys & Girls are both very choosy today & they want to marry only the dream man or dream girl This is not only true for Brahmins, also for all other communities.

2. Brahmin girls marry outside due to the pressure by their parents to settle down or they fall in love. The problem here is the kids from this mixed marriage will never be able to marry into Brahmins & this is already a huge issue today. so these families lose their brahmin identities forever.

3. Brahmin boys on the other hand are not under such pressure to settle down, so they keep delaying till they find the right person.

This has nothing to do with the fact that South Brahmin boys are docile & hence the girls dont want to marry !!

 

[Raghy]

Sri.Jaykay Greetings.

..South India stood against Islamic Invasion for 700 yrs where as North India despite all its aggresiveness could not. why ?. when people are generally docile & soft, they will be very conservative, they will come together very closely, support each other, & find strength in numbers, phenomenal loyalty -

Personally I am not so sure about that. Chalukyas and Rashtrakudas followed by Vijaya Nagar greatly blocked muslim invasion towards south. Soft and cuddly persons could not have blocked a mulim invasion of those years. It would have taken persons with fighting spirit to do that.

2. Brahmin girls marry outside due to the pressure by their parents to settle down or they fall in love. The problem here is the kids from this mixed marriage will never be able to marry into Brahmins & this is already a huge issue today. so these families lose their brahmin identities forever.

Sorry, but this doesn't make sense. In the first line, a NB boy could get a girl from brahmin community. But in the second line, a child from that union may not be able to marry a brahmin..... why? Can't that child get a brahmin boy/girl like his/her father did? In fact since that child would be a 1/2 brahmin, chances would be very high.

Cheers!

 

[Jaykay767]

Sri.Jaykay Greetings.


Personally I am not so sure about that. Chalukyas and Rashtrakudas followed by Vijaya Nagar greatly blocked muslim invasion towards south. Soft and cuddly persons could not have blocked a mulim invasion of those years. It would have taken persons with fighting spirit to do that.


Sorry, but this doesn't make sense. In the first line, a NB boy could get a girl from brahmin community. But in the second line, a child from that union may not be able to marry a brahmin..... why? Can't that child get a brahmin boy/girl like his/her father did? In fact since that child would be a 1/2 brahmin, chances would be very high.

Cheers!

you are assuming soft & cuddly means they have no fighting spirit or they are cowards. If you watch carefully, you will find the most toughest guys are those who are quiet & appear soft. Those who talk loudly & posture to fight will generally not stand a chance in a hand to hand combat.

All the south Indian kingdoms came under Vijayanagar & blocked the Islamic Invasion for 100s of years. that collaboration comes from a soft culture !! The many north indian kingdoms could not come together to fight the Birtish !!.


Regarding your point 2, most of the kids from the mixed marriages face so much rejections from Brahmins, almost all of them will marrry outside forever !!

 

[Raghy]

Sri. Sankara Sharma, Greetings.

I refer to your messages in the opening posts #1 and #2. I liked many points in those messages. But could not agree completely. Possibly your choice of presentation may have painted a different picture to what you have been intending.

I am not good in English. I will not even try to correct you.

Most persons consider 'aggression' associated with anger. Unfortunate, but true. Usually before getting into a fist fight I used to smile... would look almost like enjoying the company... result at the end of the fight usually doesn't matter. That initial smile and that inevitable, almost stupid grin' during the fight is mostly inevitable.

I agree brahmin boys are not outgoing. I can cite example even in this forum. Only few days ago I suggested one youngster to contact me.... so far nothing. There are four girls in my close circle. Had I been given half an opportunity, I would have gone for it... at least would have tried it.

If you mean brahmin boys are not quite pushy to convert half chances, I tend to agree.

It is not easy to get a girl to take notice of you. It is even harder to get her to talk to you. I don't want to generalise but have seen few boys not willing to take any efforts in that area at all.

Like I said, I like the general tone of your message.

Cheers!

 

[Raji Ram]

......... I can cite example even in this forum. Only few days ago I suggested one youngster to contact me.... so far nothing. ........

I think newbies can not send or receive PMs thro' this forum. Unless the members give their contact e-mail id in the related thread,

it is impossible for them to get in touch! But there is a problem! Sri. TVK's mail was hacked the very day he posted it in forum! :spy:

 

[Raghy]

I think newbies can not send or receive PMs thro' this forum. Unless the members give their contact e-mail id in the related thread,

it is impossible for them to get in touch! But there is a problem! Sri. TVK's mail was hacked the very day he posted it in forum! :spy:

I know newbies can't send PM just like that. But if there is a will, there is always a way. Sending information to me is the challenge, is it not? I am not going to post my email id.

I hunted once. I know what lengths I went to make contact. It is easy for a boy to talk to a girl. but what would it take for the girl to respond to him favourably?

Kindly look at the length he goes to attract a female bird! I am sure you may like this......

[video=youtube;VjE0Kdfos4Y]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjE0Kdfos4Y[/video]

I am talking about exercising extra initiation. Rule # 1 is not to expect the girl delivered on a plate. One has to work for her...

Cheers!

 

[Jaykay767]

Raghy,

I agree the Brahmin boys dont go & talk to the brahmin girls in general. However this is changing, in a num of families, the boys & girls talk to each other, choose their life partners & get their parents blessing. It will take 1 or 2 generations to percolate to all levels with in the community.

However this is NOT the reason for non marriages.

Parents of the brahmin boys & girls come up with a num of alliances & even the girl before marrying outside meets a num of boys with in the community. Both the boys & girls are very very choosy & say no to a num of good alliances which they later end up regretting. It is also true for other communities.

It is part of the liberalisation, freedom, high eduction etc.. & eventually after one of two generations, people will start marrying faster & in their 20s learning from others experience. thats how humans have evolved in history & in the future as well. if you remember the americans went through this in their 70s & 80s, now conservatism / religion are back in the USA with a bang !!

yes, during this transition a lot of families will undergo hardships due to this.

Cheers,
JK

 

[renuka]

I wonder why it is generally thought that Brahmin guys do not talk to girls.

When I was in college I remember 2 post graduate doctors..the guy was a TB and the girl a Gounder.

Both guy and girl were good looking and matching..they were a couple..once when I took the short cut through the mortuary block after finishing my duty.. I saw them kissing!

I was thinking what a place to kiss..at the morgue block that too at night!LOL

As far as I know they got married even though their parents were against the match.

 

[Bhajagovindam]

Dear Sir,

Most Indian older women irrespective of caste do not tolerate their husbands!LOL

This made me genuinely chuckle!

 

[Raji Ram]

.........at the morgue block that too at night!! ...

Dear Renu,

May be they thought that at least some ghosts will support their wedding, if not their parents!!

 

[Raji Ram]

Thank you Raghy Sir for the nice video! I too posted a similar one with added dance numbers by cute birds and here it is:

Birds-of-Paradise Project Trailer - YouTube

But the problem is that the demand form girls are much higher than those of the previous generation. They want only 100%
match and nothing less. The parents of girls have the upper hand now a days and I find many of them are rude. Money talks!! opcorn:

 

[tbs]

hi renu,

I was thinking what a place to kiss..at the morgue block that too at night!LOL

it is best place on earth.....safe and no human disturbances.. ONLY HOLY SPIRITS AROUND THEM.....lol

 

[suraju06]

Tambrahm Girl’s search-case 2.

This boy too was well qualified, well employed. His parents were well educated and matured. The family appeared to be from a decent background. He looked handsome. After the preliminaries like horoscope matching, exchanging family details, identifying common acquaintances etc., the parents of the boy said the boy preferred to meet me in an informal atmosphere at some restaurant of our choice. My parents said ok. They asked me to choose a good highend veg restaurant and the day and time was informed to the boy. We had already exchanged photographs and were satisfied with what we could see in the photos. So on the D day we (me and the boy alone) met at the restaurant. It was a fairly short conversation and most of the talking was done by me. All my efforts to bring him out from his reticence to find a common denominator from which I wanted to develop further conversation failed. His replies were all cryptic and questions were very few and mostly about inanities. I was very careful not to make it look like an interview. I told him that such meetings are highly uncomfortable events but there is no other format available in a search for a mate for arranged marriage. He agreed but was very withdrawn. We had our parathas and manchurian and he ordered for water in bottle. When the water came he did not care to pour it in the glass and drank directly from the bottle like a child sucks a feeding bottle. Then I ordered for another bottle of water and I offered(to avoid his getting offended) casually that I preferred just cold water and not the chilled variety. I got an impression that he realised his indiscretion. He became more reticent. That encounter and conversation brought out many differences in our perceptions, our likes and dislikes, and even in our basic values. Finally we agreed that we are not made for each other.

My only small problem was explaining all this to my parents. But they undestood and were very supportive. And my search continued.

 

[Jaykay767]

Tambrahm Girl’s search-case 2.

This boy too was well qualified, well employed. His parents were well educated and matured. The family appeared to be from a decent background. He looked handsome. After the preliminaries like horoscope matching, exchanging family details, identifying common acquaintances etc., the parents of the boy said the boy preferred to meet me in an informal atmosphere at some restaurant of our choice. My parents said ok. They asked me to choose a good highend veg restaurant and the day and time was informed to the boy. We had already exchanged photographs and were satisfied with what we could see in the photos. So on the D day we (me and the boy alone) met at the restaurant. It was a fairly short conversation and most of the talking was done by me. All my efforts to bring him out from his reticence to find a common denominator from which I wanted to develop further conversation failed. His replies were all cryptic and questions were very few and mostly about inanities. I was very careful not to make it look like an interview. I told him that such meetings are highly uncomfortable events but there is no other format available in a search for a mate for arranged marriage. He agreed but was very withdrawn. We had our parathas and manchurian and he ordered for water in bottle. When the water came he did not care to pour it in the glass and drank directly from the bottle like a child sucks a feeding bottle. Then I ordered for another bottle of water and I offered(to avoid his getting offended) casually that I preferred just cold water and not the chilled variety. I got an impression that he realised his indiscretion. He became more reticent. That encounter and conversation brought out many differences in our perceptions, our likes and dislikes, and even in our basic values. Finally we agreed that we are not made for each other.

My only small problem was explaining all this to my parents. But they undestood and were very supportive. And my search continued.

LOL !!!. Most silly reasons to say no....

The boy was obviously shy & nervous so was not talking much !. Most of the girls & boys in the first meeting are scared to talk because they dont want to do say anything negative.

Most of the South Indians/Brahmins are good people. Instead of focussing on such silly things, they should just get married & get on with life !!

Sad to say, this girl will also be in the list of unmarried for a long time !!

 

[கால பைரவன்]

LOL !!!. Most silly reasons to say no....

The boy was obviously shy & nervous so was not talking much !. Most of the girls & boys in the first meeting are scared to talk because they dont want to do say anything negative.

Most of the South Indians/Brahmins are good people. Instead of focussing on such silly things, they should just get married & get on with life !!

Sad to say, this girl will also be in the list of unmarried for a long time !!

Hi Jaykay,

The reasons may appear silly to many of us. But doesn't these real life examples provided by Suraju confirm what members like Sankara Sharma and Raghy opined? That the brahmin boys are reticient in comparison with girls and that is one of the main reasons for non-marriage of brahmin men!

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Raju Sir,

With the following conditions, how many possible grooms can we expect? :noidea:

(1)The boy should not be more than 3 years older than me. Can be relaxed by one more year if the other parameters are satisfactory.

(2)He should be atleast a PG. and well employed. His annual income is not a criterion. He may be earning less than me or more than me.

(3)He should be tall like me, healthy and handsome. No handicaps. Should not be suffering from any disease.

(4)His family should be a decent one. Parents should not take offence if enquiries are made about the family. If they give references for validations that would be excellent. The parents should be well educated.

(5)He should not have bad habits. Not even social drinking. Not even just one cigarette a day.

(6)If he has brothers and sisters elder to him they should be already married.

(7)Though we are not sold on astrology, we would look for horoscope matching. If it does not match for us and matches from the boy’s side it is ok with us and we will move forward.

(8)I have no problem living with in laws as I know its value. But being a working women I expect a lot of understanding from their side about my limitations to adjust my time between demanding time-lines in my work life and my household duties at home. I don’t even expect to express this to my inlaws in so many words and that is what I mean by understanding.

I am surprised to read this:

That encounter and conversation brought out many differences in our perceptions, our likes and dislikes, and even in our basic values. Finally we agreed that we are not made for each other.

I don't understand why the girl waited till the 'interview' day, to know the likes and dislikes, having so much of advancement
in technology like video chats! :ranger:

 

[suraju06]

Dear Raju Sir,

With the following conditions, how many possible grooms can we expect? :noidea:


I am surprised to read this:


I don't understand why the girl waited till the 'interview' day, to know the likes and dislikes, having so much of advancement
in technology like video chats! :ranger:

Dear RR,

Please wait for the girl to complete giving the rest of her experiences. I will get her answers to your questions. If I give an answer now it will be just my answer. My role is just editing and some times expanding the posts she sends me. She reads the posts in this forum.

Cheers.

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Raju Sir,

Some girls are lucky (shall I say like our Renu) to get the perfect match! There are many handsome Iyer boys in high salary

bracket, as they call it now, but too many conditions delay the marriage for a long time. I think, in the previous generations,

the parents believed more in karmA theory and proceeded with the earliest good alliance, thinking that it will materialize only

if it is fated to happen! Now, the parents are scared with many imaginary troubles!

 

[suraju06]

Dear RR,

Dear Raju Sir,

Some girls are lucky (shall I [COLOR=#DA7911 !important]say like[/COLOR] our Renu) to get the perfect match! There are many handsome Iyer boys in high salary

bracket, as they call it now, but too many conditions delay the marriage for a long time. I think, in the previous generations,

the parents believed more in karmA theory and [COLOR=#DA7911 !important]proceeded[/COLOR] with the earliest good alliance, thinking that it will materialize only

if it is fated to happen! Now, the parents are scared with many imaginary troubles!

I agree with you to some extent. the girl too may agree with you. I do not know. Let us wait.

Cheers.

 

[P.J.]

Hi folk,

I asked a brahmin girl to contribute to this forum. After studying some of the posts in this forum and the topics discussed she sent me this. Please read this.

I am a brahmin girl. I am 26 years old. I am intelligent, fair and beautiful though I may not be mirror-cracking material. I am tall, healthy and slim. I am a post graduate and am well employed. My annual earnings are in the seven figure range. My parents are healthy and are self dependent both financially and otherwise. I have a younger sister who is also well employed after her graduation. When my parents asked me whether I am ready for a marriage so that they can find a suitable match for me I told them yes. But I retained the final say as to accept or reject a match. My parents agreed to this and started looking for a match for me. I am going to tell you the real life story of my experience in finding a suitable match for me. When I started this exercise I never thought that it would turn out to be so difficult. My requirements or expectations, which were worked out in a meeting of the family council (this council consists of father, mother, myself and sister and my grandma ) were these:

(1)The boy should not be more than 3 years older than me. Can be relaxed by one more year if the other parameters are satisfactory.

(2)He should be atleast a PG. and well employed. His annual income is not a criterion. He may be earning less than me or more than me.

(3)He should be tall like me, healthy and handsome. No handicaps. Should not be suffering from any disease.

(4)His family should be a decent one. Parents should not take offence if enquiries are made about the family. If they give references for validations that would be excellent. The parents should be well educated.

(5)He should not have bad habits. Not even social drinking. Not even just one cigarette a day.

(6)If he has brothers and sisters elder to him they should be already married.

(7)Though we are not sold on astrology, we would look for horoscope matching. If it does not match for us and matches from the boy’s side it is ok with us and we will move forward.

(8)I have no problem living with in laws as I know its value. But being a working women I expect a lot of understanding from their side about my limitations to adjust my time between demanding time-lines in my work life and my household duties at home. I don’t even expect to express this to my inlaws in so many words and that is what I mean by understanding.

Having finalised this list we decided that (1) it would be too much to give this complete list to each boy or his parents when an approach is made. We know the nature of egos and how they play out.(2) We would not mention my earnings in the initial stages. We would just say well employed. So we started receiving proposals and in some cases we made proposals and followed them up relentlessly when recommended by friends, relatives neighbours etc. and started looking at each one with an open mind sincerely with the intention to take it to the final level. But my experience was not a very happy one.

Case 1.

This boy met most of our requirements. He was taller than me, was a PG from one of the premier institutes, was well employed. He looked handsome too. His parents told us the horoscopes matched well. So we did not go to the astrologer. After the preliminaries were over, My parents invited them to our house one day so that we, the boy and girl, can meet. They came and they impressed us as a good family. The boy and I were given an opportunity to speak to each other alone. The boy was frank and told me that he was a social drinker. He said he had excellent control over his drink. He never got drunk. His parents were not aware about his drinking habit. After they left we discussed whether it is okay to take the risk and move ahead. While my parents were particular that the proposal is not okay I was confident that I could manage because I liked the frankness with which he spoke about his habit, knowing fully well that our family will consider it unacceptable. We decided that we should make more enquiries. My parents visited the boy’s house one day. After a cup of coffee and introductions and then the usual concerns etc., the father of the boy went in and called out some name and out came a full grown Alsatian dog . It, rather he, was introduced as a member of the family and he made appropriate noise acknowledging the compliment with a bow wow. My parents decided that moment that this was not for us. They took leave and came home and by that time the private detective who was engaged to inquire about the boy too gave a report that the boy visits bars with his friends/colleagues. The report was not of much use as it did not contain any previously unknown info. My Dad politely informed them that we are not interested in the alliance and wishing the boy a happy marriage soon.And we added one more requirement in our list that there should be no pets at home as we are all allergic to that.

More cases will follow.


I will post more cases when I receive them. Cheers.

suraju06 Sir

All conditions laid down from the Girl's side seems to be ok except Condition no 6
Which states: If he has brothers and sisters elder to him they should be already married.

Looks like one condition from "
Manal Kayaru'

How come such a well educated girl could possibly post such an impossible condition?
What if the boy has one elder brother or sister not yet married ,and in what way it is a problem to her in her married life?

Such conditions only make the matters worst.

 

[C RAVI]

suraju06 Sir

All conditions laid down from the Girl's side seems to be ok except Condition no 6
Which states: If he has brothers and sisters elder to him they should be already married.

Looks like one condition from "
Manal Kayaru'

How come such a well educated girl could possibly post such an impossible condition?
What if the boy has one elder brother or sister not yet married ,and in what way it is a problem to her in her married life?

Such conditions only make the matters worst.

Shri PJ,

The girl said clearly that the check list was prepared in a family discussion among each and every member including grandma. Give importance to the attendee - "grandma".

Grandma must be of the opinion that, a younger sibling getting married before his elder brother may lead to many forms of issues in due course of time when the elder brother gets married later. As well, very unpleasant and embarrassing issues may crop up if there is an unmarried elder brother in the family, who is more in need obviously.

The other members of the family who don't belong to grandma's generation can explain the grandma about many things due to which people now a days don't mind if younger son is married off before the elder son.

1) The family might be simultaneously looking alliance for both the sons and may end up getting the right alliance for the younger son while for the elder son there may not be any prospective alliance at hand.

2) The younger son might be moving out of country for a career prospects or due deputation and parents want him to be married off and move with his wife, though the finalization of alliance for the elder son might have not materialized yet.

3) The elder son may have some physical issues and might have decided never to marry. Or may be under treatment and have planed to marry after couple of years. This, the parents of the boys may not be willing to share with the girl and her parents.

4) The elder son may be in abroad and getting a good alliance for him must be delaying. He himself must have advised/suggested his parents and convinced his younger brother to get married without delay, if he happen to get a good girl of his choice and liking.

 

[sankara_sharmah]

Sri. Raju and others.

Your case studies and other posts do not reflect the problems of the segment of Tamil Brahmins I am bothered about.

Let me illustrate.

A Boy of age 35 years who is a clerk in a private company or govt., auditor or may be even an engineer aged around 35.

He is drawing a salary of around Rs. 35000 P.M

Stays in Chennai, Kumbakonam, Salem , Trichy.

Lives with his parents.

His father a retired school teacher, govt clerk or a temple priest or sasthirigal.

He has bought a small flat/house out of his earnings and may be got his two sisters married. So had no time to think of marriage till now.

Would like to live with his parents permanently and support them in their old age.

Has no intention of moving out of Chennai, Kumbakonam, Trichy or Salem.

Religious, does santhyavandanam with Pancha patra (not under the tap in th bath room). Believes in the words of the Acharyas, Vedas, scriptures implicitly.

Sattvic to a fault, good natured (except when you question the scriptures and the Acharyas), Mild mannered, and generally liked by every one. He believes in the superiority of the Brahmins and does not believe that material prosperity or fame is the ultimate end in life.

By and large contented.

These boys are finding it almost impossible to get married.

These people are the back bone of our community. They represent Brahminical values which we have all forgotten.

The question is how do we help them.

These people rarely if ever post here. They are shocked by the posts of people like me.

I will start a discussion as to How the Tamil Brahmin community has forsaken the people who have continued to uphold Brahminical values.
If you have case studies of Boys like these please post.

Not advice about why they should give up these values and go abroad.

Or how the world has passed them by and that they are fools. Do not add insult to injury.

 

[sangom]

suraju06 Sir

All conditions laid down from the Girl's side seems to be ok except Condition no 6
Which states: If he has brothers and sisters elder to him they should be already married.

Looks like one condition from "
Manal Kayaru'

How come such a well educated girl could possibly post such an impossible condition?
What if the boy has one elder brother or sister not yet married ,and in what way it is a problem to her in her married life?

Such conditions only make the matters worst.

I know a real incident. The prospective boy had two elder brothers (all tabras, of course) both unmarried, not even SSLC passed, and looking after the family cultivation, coconut orchard etc. (This is a Kerala case, pl. note.) The girl stoutly refused the proposal even in the preliminary stage itself because she said there was something " fishy" in that.

 

[sangom]

Sri. Raju and others.

Your case studies and other posts do not reflect the problems of the segment of Tamil Brahmins I am bothered about.

Let me illustrate.

A Boy of age 35 years who is a clerk in a private company or govt., auditor or may be even an engineer aged around 35.

He is drawing a salary of around Rs. 35000 P.M

Stays in Chennai, Kumbakonam, Salem , Trichy.

Lives with his parents.

His father a retired school teacher, govt clerk or a temple priest or sasthirigal.

He has bought a small flat/house out of his earnings and may be got his two sisters married. So had no time to think of marriage till now.

Would like to live with his parents permanently and support them in their old age.

Has no intention of moving out of Chennai, Kumbakonam, Trichy or Salem.

Religious, does santhyavandanam with Pancha patra (not under the tap in th bath room). Believes in the words of the Acharyas, Vedas, scriptures implicitly.

Sattvic to a fault, good natured (except when you question the scriptures and the Acharyas), Mild mannered, and generally liked by every one. He believes in the superiority of the Brahmins and does not believe that material prosperity or fame is the ultimate end in life.

By and large contented.

These boys are finding it almost impossible to get married.

These people are the back bone of our community. They represent Brahminical values which we have all forgotten.

The question is how do we help them.

These people rarely if ever post here. They are shocked by the posts of people like me.

I will start a discussion as to How the Tamil Brahmin community has forsaken the people who have continued to uphold Brahminical values.
If you have case studies of Boys like these please post.

Not advice about why they should give up these values and go abroad.

Or how the world has passed them by and that they are fools. Do not add insult to injury.

Dear Shri Sharmah,

The boys of the type you refer to have to first widen their search; instead of insisting on sub-sect, non-sagotra, matching horoscope, minimum educational qualificationetc., these boys should also consider girls from other cross-sections like gurukkals, archakar or, even vegetarian Saiva Pillai families. Otherwise, it will be really impossible for them to get married, imo.

 

[P.J.]

Shri PJ,

The girl said clearly that the check list was prepared in a family discussion among each and every member including grandma. Give importance to the attendee - "grandma".

Grandma must be of the opinion that, a younger sibling getting married before his elder brother may lead to many forms of issues in due course of time when the elder brother gets married later. As well, very unpleasant and embarrassing issues may crop up if there is an unmarried elder brother in the family, who is more in need obviously.

The other members of the family who don't belong to grandma's generation can explain the grandma about many things due to which people now a days don't mind if younger son is married off before the elder son.

1) The family might be simultaneously looking alliance for both the sons and may end up getting the right alliance for the younger son while for the elder son there may not be any prospective alliance at hand.

2) The younger son might be moving out of country for a career prospects or due deputation and parents want him to be married off and move with his wife, though the finalization of alliance for the elder son might have not materialized yet.

3) The elder son may have some physical issues and might have decided never to marry. Or may be under treatment and have planed to marry after couple of years. This, the parents of the boys may not be willing to share with the girl and her parents.

4) The elder son may be in abroad and getting a good alliance for him must be delaying. He himself must have advised/suggested his parents and convinced his younger brother to get married without delay, if he happen to get a good girl of his choice and liking.

RAVI Sir

Thanks for your reply

one of my distant relative, highly educated did not want to marry and settled in Australia; his younger brother and other sisters, one elder and two younger to him got married.
there are such cases where the boy did not 'LIKE' to get married.

This type conditions coming probably from older generation needs to be reviewed.