Clean Jokes

[P.J.]

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Clean Jokes


No idea whether these jokes were already shared here; however worth reading it again!!



Sign Boards



Signboard outside Heaven:

"Lying naked with somebody in bed and screaming 'Oh God.. Oh God'... will not be considered as prayers."

Signboard outside a Prayer Hall:

"Please Do Not Leave Your Bags, Wallets, Cell Phones Unattended.. Others Might Think Those Are The Answers To Their Prayers."

Signboard outside a prostitute's house:

"Married Men are not allowed.. We serve the NEEDY, not the GREEDY.."

Signboard outside GARAGE:
"If we can't repair your brakes, we make your horns louder.."

Signboard outside A Bar:

"Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please do Pay In Advance."

Signboard outside Driving School:

"If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don't Stand In Her Way..."

Signboard outside Library:

"Statutory Warning:
While reading 'Kamasutra please hold book with Both hands


Salary Increase


maid wanted a salary raise?
madam wanted 3 reasons why she
wanted a raise
maid: I can cook Better than you?
Madam: who told you that
Maid: your husband told Me!
Madam: Ok, second reason
Maid: I can iron Better than you
Madam: who told you that
Maid: Your husband told Me
Madam: Ok, and the third reason?
Maid: I am also Better in bed than you!,
This time madam was furious & was getting ready to break her head
Madam: Did my husband say that?
Maid: No the driver told me that I'm better in bed than you are
Madam: Please lower your voice I will increase your salary.....

http://www.bcmtouring.com/forums/threads/jokes-only-clean-jokes-here-please.20/page-553

 

[renuka]

Dear PJ sir,

If you call all the jokes here clean ..I wonder what you consider dirty?LOL

 

[Brahmanyan]

Here are a few "Clean jokes" I read recently ::

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: Tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Student: No sir, I don’t have to, my mom is a good cook.
------------------
A man was being interviewed for a post of a commando in Army! Interviewer: We want a person with suspicious mind , always alert, merciless, ready to attack, acute sense of hearing, detective ability and most importantly having a killer instinct!!! So do you think you are eligible???

Man: Sir.... Can my wife apply?
-------------------
Parents asked college watchman,"Is this a good college?"
watch man: "probably the best. I did my engineering here & got campus placement.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brahmanyan,
Bangalore.

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Renu,

Clean jokes are different for different persons!

And.... we know the yard stick of Sri. P J Sir.

 

[renuka]

Dear Renu,

Clean jokes are different for different persons!

And.... we know the yard stick of Sri. P J Sir.

Dear RR ji,

I remember when I was teen..my elder brother was telling me and my younger brother some not so clean jokes and we were laughing like mad.

My father started to suspect that something is not right and asked my elder brother if he was telling me and my younger bro off color jokes.

My elder brother said..'yes I am telling them dirty jokes"

my father said "how could you do this..spoiling the younger ones"

my elder brother then said "I told them that a dog fell into mud and became dirty..so its a dirty joke"

Then me and my younger bro started laughing even more cos we knew my elder bro was lying!

But actually those jokes he told were kiddy dirty jokes come to think of it!LOL

 

[P.J.]

Dear PJ sir,

If you call all the jokes here clean ..I wonder what you consider dirty?LOL

Situation Story

fox and Grape story!!!

once, a fox was very hungry.


He searched for food.


At last he saw a bunch of grapes hanging from a grapevine.


His mouth started watering.


He wanted to eat the grapes.


So, he jumped and jumped, but in vain.


But he could not reach the grapes.


“Those grapes are sour.!” So, the fox went away saying,





http://www.english-for-students.com/The-Fox-and-The-Grapes-1.html

 

[P.J.]

Dear PJ sir,

If you call all the jokes here clean ..I wonder what you consider dirty?LOL

Situation Song


Mudiyumendra


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xj5OHpe1k7I

 

[Raji Ram]

​:lol: . . . :lol:

 

[renuka]

Situation Story

fox and Grape story!!!

once, a fox was very hungry.


He searched for food.


At last he saw a bunch of grapes hanging from a grapevine.


His mouth started watering.


He wanted to eat the grapes.


So, he jumped and jumped, but in vain.


But he could not reach the grapes.


“Those grapes are sour.!” So, the fox went away saying,





http://www.english-for-students.com/The-Fox-and-The-Grapes-1.html

With each jump the fox got closer to the grapes and with his keen sense of smell the fox got a whiff of the grapes and it emitted a sourish odor.
The fox came from a respected lineage of wine makers...so his sense of smell for grapes used in wine making was very refined.
He just knew these grapes were not good enough for consumption.

 

[P.J.]

With each jump the fox got closer to the grapes and with his keen sense of smell the fox got a whiff of the grapes and it emitted a sourish odor.
The fox came from a respected lineage of wine makers...so his sense of smell for grapes used in wine making was very refined.
He just knew these grapes were not good enough for consumption.

I know i know... how a woman's mind work!!!

you like more refined Clean ( dirty of course) jokes?? !!!

 

[renuka]

I know i know... how a woman's mind work!!!

you like more refined Clean ( dirty of course) jokes?? !!!

That shows you do not know the minds of every women.

You see PJ sir..I do not like anything refined.

I do not eat refined or polished rice..I only eat brown unpolished rice.
I do not take white sugar..I only use unfiltered raw honey if I really need a sweetener.
I use cold pressed unrefined coconut oil for cooking.


So keeping in mind that I like things unrefined.. so you need to know I like my jokes unrefined too..in other words HARD CORE!

 

[auh]

...
I use cold pressed unrefined coconut oil for cooking.

doc, this is not about dirty or clean jokes.. but about this particular part about unrefined coconut oil.

About 4 months back I started using unrefined coconut oil (instead of the EV olive oil (EVOO) I regular use) to see the impact on cholesterol levels, after reading about how it is a super food etc.. Not that I had cholesterol but wanted to see if it could affect it. When I took a reading, during my regular 6 month visit, to my surprise, there was an increase in Triglycerides and total cholesterol. LDL, though had reduced. The doc said that I should not continue coconut oil as it is saturated and might tamper with cholesterol levels. Hence back to EVOO.

I have no other complications of any sort, and run/exercise regularly.

Does it debunk the coconut oil benefit thingy?

 

[renuka]

doc, this is not about dirty or clean jokes.. but about this particular part about unrefined coconut oil.

About 4 months back I started using unrefined coconut oil (instead of the EV olive oil (EVOO) I regular use) to see the impact on cholesterol levels, after reading about how it is a super food etc.. Not that I had cholesterol but wanted to see if it could affect it. When I took a reading, during my regular 6 month visit, to my surprise, there was an increase in Triglycerides and total cholesterol. LDL, though had reduced. The doc said that I should not continue coconut oil as it is saturated and might tamper with cholesterol levels. Hence back to EVOO.

I have no other complications of any sort, and run/exercise regularly.

Does it debunk the coconut oil benefit thingy?

You are right...I did test my blood levels before and after coconut oil and I have seen that my LDL did go up a little..but my triglycerides came down..my HDL (good cholesterol) is high cos I exercise 5 x a week.

But I am still taking coconut oil cos I feel these days the levels of LDLs seems to be lowered too much as compared to yesteryears.

Previously a normal LDL was not more than 3.34 but now a normal LDL is supposed to be not more than 2.58.

I somehow feel pharma companies launching drugs for cholesterol have a role in this..to lower te LDL to very low levels to boost the sale of drugs.

Anyway today I have sent my blood again for test cos I have been using ghee too for my cooking along with coconut oil..I need to check my levels again.

If the LDL gets screwed I would have to consider not taking ghee as much.

I usually experiment on myself..will let you know the findings.

 

[auh]

You are right...I did test my blood levels before and after coconut oil and I have seen that my LDL did go up a little..but my triglycerides came down..my HDL (good cholesterol) is high cos I exercise 5 x a week.

But I am still taking coconut oil cos I feel these days the levels of LDLs seems to be lowered too much as compared to yesteryears.

Previously a normal LDL was not more than 3.34 but now a normal LDL is supposed to be not more than 2.58.

I somehow feel pharma companies launching drugs for cholesterol have a role in this..to lower te LDL to very low levels to boost the sale of drugs.

Anyway today I have sent my blood again for test cos I have been using ghee too for my cooking along with coconut oil..I need to check my levels again.

If the LDL gets screwed I would have to consider not taking ghee as much.

I usually experiment on myself..will let you know the findings.

Thanks for your feedback.

Yes, I noted that my HDL shot up to 79 from around 55 in the interim months that I exercised and took up coconut oil... wouldnt relate that to oil though...

And I too take ghee as a coolant for my system.

Could our food before the test decide the level of triglycerides? I read that if we eat fatty foods just before the test or have an alcoholic drink, it could spike up triglycerides as it is directly related to the recent food we eat. I had paneer before the test

My next test would reveal some interesting facts. An MD whom I saw had the same opinion as you. He said not to worry about any cholesterol levels even if it is around 200-250 if we do 1/2 an hour of daily exercise provided that there are no other concerns.

I miss coconut oil since I love its smell and taste. :-(

 

[vgane]

Today I had a Keralite dish Olan which is tastes good on account of a sprinkling of coconut oil..Use a small spoon..Not a Table spoon

 

[renuka]

Thanks for your feedback.

Yes, I noted that my HDL shot up to 79 from around 55 in the interim months that I exercised and took up coconut oil... wouldnt relate that to oil though...

And I too take ghee as a coolant for my system.

Could our food before the test decide the level of triglycerides? I read that if we eat fatty foods just before the test or have an alcoholic drink, it could spike up triglycerides as it is directly related to the recent food we eat. I had paneer before the test

My next test would reveal some interesting facts. An MD whom I saw had the same opinion as you. He said not to worry about any cholesterol levels even if it is around 200-250 if we do 1/2 an hour of daily exercise provided that there are no other concerns.

I miss coconut oil since I love its smell and taste. :-(

Ok my results are back.

I guess I have to stop coconut oil..cos I have been experimenting for the last 6 months and monitoring my blood levels..and my LDL and Total Cholesterol has been going up steadily.

The Triglycerides are low..HDL(good cholesterol) is much higher cos that I attribute to my exercise.

So I have to quit coconut and ghee to get my levels back to normal.

Lets see after 3 months what my results would be.

 

[yesmohan]

All "He" foxes?? Had it been a "SHE" fox it would have succeeded.

 

[Raji Ram]

All "He" foxes?? Had it been a "SHE" fox it would have succeeded.

Females might be more intelligent. :thumb:

They can find the sour taste just by looking at the grapes! :spy: