concepts to generate love - agree, disagree or add a point more

[renuka]

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There is child in every man and who would not like attention from ladies . Only some cannot reciprocate to the dismay of some
Man comes as a package with positive traits and many failings. It is upto to the ladies to find love or hate. It is upto a person to find love and union of hearts or hate and spit on the sidewalk on seeing the man

Not all males like attention from females..some males prefer attention from fellow males.

Why should anyone spit upon seeing a male?

I do not like to see such scenes in Tamil Movies where the heroine spits on a guy she does not like or takes her slipper to hit him..that is only asking for trouble cos anyone is bound to take revenge on a female who does that.

So no need to spit or hate..if we dont like someone..just divert our attention. Being polite goes a long long way.

 

[krish44]

Not all males like attention from females..some males prefer attention from fellow males.

Why should anyone spit upon seeing a male?

I do not like to see such scenes in Tamil Movies where the heroine spits on a guy she does not like or takes her slipper to hit him..that is only asking for trouble cos anyone is bound to take revenge on a female who does that.

So no need to spit or hate..if we dont like someone..just divert our attention. Being polite goes a long long way.

madam in india spitting is a national custom and mildly denotes disapproval of the person if not hate. of course ignoring is an option but gets mistaken for weakness and inability to respond. being polite is saying pagaivanukku arulvai

 

[tks]

Thats like being taken for granted. If we love someone say it.

I dont feel taking others for granted is right by saying "Love is not having to say I love you"

Love is meant to be expressed in Thought,Word and Deed.

After all even religion advocates coordination of Thought,Word and Deeds.

So Think "I Love You", Say "I Love You" and Do "I Love You".

The problem is we Indians tend to keep verbally silent when it comes to love..

and end up singing:

Hamein Tumse Mohabbat Hai, Bataana Bhi Nahi Aata
I am in love with you... but I can't even tell you...

You are all right - My quote (incomplete and of course said in 'tongue in cheek' manner) reflects how us Hindu males are unromantic bunch.

These days women at work place pick up ideas like 'how their significant other(s)' sends some women flowers etc on Valentines day!
Hindu Males like to keep women in dark on such matters but now the 'cat is out of the bag' creating a competition among women who dont get anything!

I witnessed a conversation sometime ago. The wife told her husband how big the flower arrangements were that their female coworkers received (and she got nothing).. The husband said our backyard is full of flowers and available to you all day and night for you to look at - just tell them that

 

[Naina_Marbus]

The intention of OP was, imo, to find out how to “break the ice” to generate and develop and sustain “carnal love” between a man and a woman for the sake of eventual commitment to a married life.

Post #2 and #4 offer one and the same solution

Post #3

The surest and fail proof way to generate love is not expect anything back in a relationship, not even love.

This solution will work only if the parties believe in and practice Platonic love.
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English language is very promiscuous in the usage of the word love. This is not unlike the word pani (பனி) in Tamil to describe all of the phenomena represented by the words snow, ice, dew, frost etc in English .

Certainly, a mother having intense feelings of emotion for her baby and vice versa, or a brother’s feelings for his sister and vice versa, or a citizen’s feeling for his country, a person’s devotion to God or a person’s feelings for a putative spouse are not all of the same caliber/timbre.

In English you just indiscriminately say: I love you mommy (or baby), I love you brother, I love you sweetheart, I love God, I love my country, whatever.

Instead of saying “she was the love of his life”, a Tamil may say “அவள் என் உயிருக்கு மேலானவள்” (Google translates it as ‘She is more to my life”!).

Instead of saying that she loved her son, the tamil saying would be அம்மாக்கு பிள்ளை மேலேஅப்படிஒருபாசம் ( Google translates it as “Such an affection for the child to mother”

I leave it to members to offer suggestions for the following:

Instead of “I love you” between husband/wife, what would a tamil guy say?

 

[sravna]

Post #3 This solution will work only if the parties believe in and practice Platonic love.

Dear Shri Naina_Marbus,

The fact that you do not expect anything back does not mean you will got get back anything. IMO that is when you get the best of both worlds. You are most likely to get back because such an exceptional feature will definitely move your partner and even if you do not get back , not a problem and you are not affected because you did not expect anything back and so could not have done better.

 

[Naina_Marbus]

Then why is it an oft repeated sentence in a country, which the Indians like to ape?

"I love you!" - Reply will be "I love you too!!!"

I tell you why. In the country that you refer to, there is a great deal of insecurity for people not only to have a 9 to 5 job, but continue to have one without suddenly getting a 'pink slip' one fine morning. So, to ingratiate the bosses at work, people have to rush early morning with the reassuring security phrase "I love you" to the young kids not ready yet to be sent to nursery, or preKG, KG, etc. So this habit gradually takes root as babies grow up. And the child learns to reciprocate with "I love you too". Till the working mom gets back home, only a baby-sitter looks after the children. So where would 'love' come from?

 

[Naina_Marbus]

Dear Shri Naina_Marbus,

The fact that you do not expect anything back does not mean you will got get back anything. IMO that is when you get the best of both worlds. You are most likely to get back because such an exceptional feature will definitely move your partner and even if you do not get back , not a problem and you are not affected because you did not expect anything back and so could not have done better.

If the man or the woman has no good personality, good job and likeable features, in 9 out of 10 cases, one may get 'something' especially if they are young because of the hormonal rush, but no lasting commitment such as what will be needed to have a monogamous marriage.

 

[Naina_Marbus]

The problem is we Indians tend to keep verbally silent when it comes to love..

Indian men prefer to show their feelings through actions rather than words. A guy is in effect saying "I love you" to his wife by doing odd jobs and fixing things around the house, tidying up the garden, or walking to the vegetable market every morning to get those fresh vegetables, buying groceries from the local Chettiar-shop – things that will clearly make his wife’s world a better place.

When a husband is listening to his wife talk, he probably may chime in with a "yes" or "I see" every now and then. It's his way of saying, "I'm listening." But some men may not do this. Just because a man isn't saying anything doesn't mean he's not listening. He may prefer to listen quietly and think about what his wife is saying. If he did not have love, he would have walked away.

 

[renuka]

Indian men prefer to show their feelings through actions rather than words. A guy is in effect saying "I love you" to his wife by doing odd jobs and fixing things around the house, tidying up the garden, or walking to the vegetable market every morning to get those fresh vegetables, buying groceries from the local Chettiar-shop – things that will clearly make his wife’s world a better place.

When a husband is listening to his wife talk, he probably may chime in with a "yes" or "I see" every now and then. It's his way of saying, "I'm listening." But some men may not do this. Just because a man isn't saying anything doesn't mean he's not listening. He may prefer to listen quietly and think about what his wife is saying. If he did not have love, he would have walked away.

Dear Sir,

Kind and loving words reach our heart faster than actions.

After all its by mouth to ear even the Vedas is transmitted.

Even a devotee in ecstasy of Bhakti will break into song.

No one tells God.."by my actions you can see my Bhakti"..everyone sings and tells God how much they are devoted to Him.

Just imagine if Saint Thyagaraja decided to keep silent and "speak" by actions and not words?? Wonder how the Carnatic music scenario would have been.

So whatever said and done..saying "I love You" in whichever language known to us goes a long long way.

May be the reason most people do not say I LOVE YOU cos Love might not actually be present in the relationship anymore and only mutual respect remains.

 

[mkrishna100]

This is a passage from the book "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People " by Stephen R Covey

My wife and I just don't have the same feelings for each other we used to have. I guess I just don't love her anymore and she doesn't love me. What can i do?"
"The feeling isn't there anymore?" I asked.
"That's right," he reaffirmed. "And we have three children we're really concerned about. What do you suggest?"
"love her," I replied.
"I told you, the feeling just isn't there anymore."
"Love her."
"You don't understand. the feeling of love just isn't there."
"Then love her. If the feeling isn't there, that's a good reason to love her."
"But how do you love when you don't love?"
"My friend , love is a verb. Love - the feeling - is a fruit of love, the verb. So love her. Serve her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her. Are you willing to do that?”
― Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change

 

[krish44]

Dear Sir,

Kind and loving words reach our heart faster than actions.

After all its by mouth to ear even the Vedas is transmitted.

Even a devotee in ecstasy of Bhakti will break into song.

No one tells God.."by my actions you can see my Bhakti"..everyone sings and tells God how much they are devoted to Him.

Just imagine if Saint Thyagaraja decided to keep silent and "speak" by actions and not words?? Wonder how the Carnatic music scenario would have been.

So whatever said and done..saying "I love You" in whichever language known to us goes a long long way.

May be the reason most people do not say I LOVE YOU cos Love might not actually be present in the relationship anymore and only mutual respect remains.

In older generation Where people lived in joint families, love between couples was never expressed verbally or openly in any forum. The bedroom was the only place for it if they had a separate one. Underplaying the verbal aspect was the norm.Openly screaming about it takes place in only bollywood films. now times have changed. the younger lot are more open in expressing their feelings verbally ,both love and verbal fights are open .fights are more interesting for those who happen to be in the vicinity