Dilemma on Marriage when parents are very orthodox

[shunyampurnam]

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I am an Iyer and I am at an age where my parents and relatives are very anxious to get me married ASAP. I have been postponing giving all sorts of half-baked excuses. The main reason I am in confusion is because my parents are very very orthodox. Patthu, theetu, madi are followed very stringently in our house and my parents expect their future daughter-in-law to also follow these as well. I follow most of these as well and respect these traditions but I am not dogmatic about it. I believe they were designed at different times when most brahmins were priest/vedic teachers and are not really applicable to westernized brahmins how primarily work in companies. Most Iyer girls today will obviously find it highly sexist if my parents demands that the they sit in a corner of a the room and sleep on the floor on their three days. And the girls are justified feeling this way. On the other hand, I sympathize with my parents as well. They were brought up this way and I can't really blame them for following the rules that their parents have taught them from their childhood.

Things gets further complicated by the fact that my Jathgam is a shuddha jathagam which means that finding a match is quite difficult. On top of this I am told that, for some mysterious reason, that for every unmarried Iyer girl there are roughly 2-3 unmarried Iyer guys. Apart from my parents expectations, I have a lot of expectations as well. I am quite a unique person. I perform trikhala sandyavandahanam and I have studied vedic chanting semi-formally. But I also spend a lot of time playing video games and watching Japanese Anime. I have great interest in Indian philosophy and love the writings of Radhakrishnan and have great faith in the teachings of Ramana Maharishi. I am a die hard fan of Madurai Mani Iyer. Note that these are not contradictory in a way; I just want to point out that this combination of interests is quite rare. I am also researcher at a prestigious institution and would prefer it if my future wife is highly educated (preferably a Ph.D)

All this puts me in an impossible situation. Search for bride who is orthodox, matches my horoscope and at the same time shares my interests and is highly-educated is like searching for a needle in a haystack. This is not much of a problem for me. I am enjoying single life! Maybe I will regret not having a life-partner when I enter 40's and 50's but worrying about it now is pointless. But my parents will be heart-broken if I stay single. Being very orthodox they feel it is their duty to get me married. Moreover they also have the standard desires of playing with grand-children, etc.. Moreover, I have a younger brother and I have been told that it is highly inauspicious for a younger brother to get married when his elder brother is not. Me staying single could possibly affect my brother's chance of finding a bride.

I hope I have made my dilemma clear. What I am to do in this complicated situation? Should I just marry which ever girl my parents choose for me? This is how my parents got married and they seem to be quite happy. Or should I ask my parents to search for a girl who shares my hobbies and interests. What is the point of getting married to a life-partner with whom you cannot share your hobbies and interests? But this may create animosity between my parents and my future wife as she might find parents stringent rules very unfair and discriminatory. I don't want to be stuck in the situation when neither party can really be faulted and both parties feel that they are justified. Or the final option is to avoid all such complicated headaches and just stay single. Sure happiness multiplies when you have someone special to share it with but is it really worth all the trouble?

Looking forward to replies. I would be interested to know what the seniors in this forum feel about my situation. I would be very happy if some ladies also give their viewpoint.

 

[a-TB]

I am an Iyer and I am at an age where my parents and relatives are very anxious to get me married ASAP. I have been postponing giving all sorts of half-baked excuses. The main reason I am in confusion is because my parents are very very orthodox. Patthu, theetu, madi are followed very stringently in our house and my parents expect their future daughter-in-law to also follow these as well. I follow most of these as well and respect these traditions but I am not dogmatic about it. I believe they were designed at different times when most brahmins were priest/vedic teachers and are not really applicable to westernized brahmins how primarily work in companies. Most Iyer girls today will obviously find it highly sexist if my parents demands that the they sit in a corner of a the room and sleep on the floor on their three days. And the girls are justified feeling this way. On the other hand, I sympathize with my parents as well. They were brought up this way and I can't really blame them for following the rules that their parents have taught them from their childhood.

Things gets further complicated by the fact that my Jathgam is a shuddha jathagam which means that finding a match is quite difficult. On top of this I am told that, for some mysterious reason, that for every unmarried Iyer girl there are roughly 2-3 unmarried Iyer guys. Apart from my parents expectations, I have a lot of expectations as well. I am quite a unique person. I perform trikhala sandyavandahanam and I have studied vedic chanting semi-formally. But I also spend a lot of time playing video games and watching Japanese Anime. I have great interest in Indian philosophy and love the writings of Radhakrishnan and have great faith in the teachings of Ramana Maharishi. I am a die hard fan of Madurai Mani Iyer. Note that these are not contradictory in a way; I just want to point out that this combination of interests is quite rare. I am also researcher at a prestigious institution and would prefer it if my future wife is highly educated (preferably a Ph.D)

All this puts me in an impossible situation. Search for bride who is orthodox, matches my horoscope and at the same time shares my interests and is highly-educated is like searching for a needle in a haystack. This is not much of a problem for me. I am enjoying single life! Maybe I will regret not having a life-partner when I enter 40's and 50's but worrying about it now is pointless. But my parents will be heart-broken if I stay single. Being very orthodox they feel it is their duty to get me married. Moreover they also have the standard desires of playing with grand-children, etc.. Moreover, I have a younger brother and I have been told that it is highly inauspicious for a younger brother to get married when his elder brother is not. Me staying single could possibly affect my brother's chance of finding a bride.

I hope I have made my dilemma clear. What I am to do in this complicated situation? Should I just marry which ever girl my parents choose for me? This is how my parents got married and they seem to be quite happy. Or should I ask my parents to search for a girl who shares my hobbies and interests. What is the point of getting married to a life-partner with whom you cannot share your hobbies and interests? But this may create animosity between my parents and my future wife as she might find parents stringent rules very unfair and discriminatory. I don't want to be stuck in the situation when neither party can really be faulted and both parties feel that they are justified. Or the final option is to avoid all such complicated headaches and just stay single. Sure happiness multiplies when you have someone special to share it with but is it really worth all the trouble?

Looking forward to replies. I would be interested to know what the seniors in this forum feel about my situation. I would be very happy if some ladies also give their viewpoint.

I am not a senior but want to say some blunt truths.

For any girl looking at your profile what you have said here about you are all major liabilities. You may be your mama's boy. Steeped in some rituals. Unrealistic wants of a girl who may have her own list in which you will not qualify.

So advice is to say what is so great you can offer that some girl will notice you. Ask only younger women if what you offer is appealing.

 

[tbs]

I am an Iyer and I am at an age where my parents and relatives are very anxious to get me married ASAP. I have been postponing giving all sorts of half-baked excuses. The main reason I am in confusion is because my parents are very very orthodox. Patthu, theetu, madi are followed very stringently in our house and my parents expect their future daughter-in-law to also follow these as well. I follow most of these as well and respect these traditions but I am not dogmatic about it. I believe they were designed at different times when most brahmins were priest/vedic teachers and are not really applicable to westernized brahmins how primarily work in companies. Most Iyer girls today will obviously find it highly sexist if my parents demands that the they sit in a corner of a the room and sleep on the floor on their three days. And the girls are justified feeling this way. On the other hand, I sympathize with my parents as well. They were brought up this way and I can't really blame them for following the rules that their parents have taught them from their childhood.

Things gets further complicated by the fact that my Jathgam is a shuddha jathagam which means that finding a match is quite difficult. On top of this I am told that, for some mysterious reason, that for every unmarried Iyer girl there are roughly 2-3 unmarried Iyer guys. Apart from my parents expectations, I have a lot of expectations as well. I am quite a unique person. I perform trikhala sandyavandahanam and I have studied vedic chanting semi-formally. But I also spend a lot of time playing video games and watching Japanese Anime. I have great interest in Indian philosophy and love the writings of Radhakrishnan and have great faith in the teachings of Ramana Maharishi. I am a die hard fan of Madurai Mani Iyer. Note that these are not contradictory in a way; I just want to point out that this combination of interests is quite rare. I am also researcher at a prestigious institution and would prefer it if my future wife is highly educated (preferably a Ph.D)

All this puts me in an impossible situation. Search for bride who is orthodox, matches my horoscope and at the same time shares my interests and is highly-educated is like searching for a needle in a haystack. This is not much of a problem for me. I am enjoying single life! Maybe I will regret not having a life-partner when I enter 40's and 50's but worrying about it now is pointless. But my parents will be heart-broken if I stay single. Being very orthodox they feel it is their duty to get me married. Moreover they also have the standard desires of playing with grand-children, etc.. Moreover, I have a younger brother and I have been told that it is highly inauspicious for a younger brother to get married when his elder brother is not. Me staying single could possibly affect my brother's chance of finding a bride.

I hope I have made my dilemma clear. What I am to do in this complicated situation? Should I just marry which ever girl my parents choose for me? This is how my parents got married and they seem to be quite happy. Or should I ask my parents to search for a girl who shares my hobbies and interests. What is the point of getting married to a life-partner with whom you cannot share your hobbies and interests? But this may create animosity between my parents and my future wife as she might find parents stringent rules very unfair and discriminatory. I don't want to be stuck in the situation when neither party can really be faulted and both parties feel that they are justified. Or the final option is to avoid all such complicated headaches and just stay single. Sure happiness multiplies when you have someone special to share it with but is it really worth all the trouble?

Looking forward to replies. I would be interested to know what the seniors in this forum feel about my situation. I would be very happy if some ladies also give their viewpoint.

hi

many things are unrealistic in modern world....but you better to be a brahmachari throughout ur life....may be some god's

willl....things may change....but prepared for brahmachari...

 

[krish44]

Dear S. Purnam

You are openly saying what many young men face. Pl do not think your predicament is not shared by other boys.

Life is a compromise.

You can compromise with your parents and agree to some basic minimum of their requirements and do the same with the girls needs.

All you need to do is some tight rope walking .

you can have your cake and eat it too.....

It is the easiest thing in the world to get married.

Float your profile in a matrinmonial site without conceding on your basic requirements which is a right mix of your and parents specs.

All this thing about girls being not available is all gas.

You can easily get one girl in couple of months if you try.

By the way how old are you and what are your academic qual.?

With best wishes

 

[Raji Ram]

A brahmin doctorate girl with madi and AchAram?

May not be possible to find! :sad:

 

[krish44]

A brahmin doctorate girl with madi and AchAram?

May not be possible to find! :sad:

Who told you so?

How many girls like this to be found ?

It takes all sorts to make this world.

if there is a boy from an orthodox family, a good probability a girl might also be there.

If you believe in laws of statistics, there should be girls also.

This boy requires only one girl for marriage.

He should easily find one

 

[shunyampurnam]

Thank you all for replies!

@krish44 I have a Ph.D. in Matheamtics and am currently working as a faculty in a prestigious institution. I am 27 years old.
@Raji Ram I am NOT expecting a brahmin doctorate girl with madi and acharam! I agree there is none. Nowhere did I say that in my post I am looking for this magical unicorn. You have misunderstood my dilemma.
@tbs and a-TB you have also misunderstood my dilemma.

Let me try articulate my dilemma more clearly. Here is the exhaustive list of my expectations and my parents.

Parents: Orthodox girl.
Me: Ph.D. + interesting and varied hobbies.

Also me expecting a girl with a Ph.D. is for a rather stupid reason. I did my Ph.D in an insular research institution where 90% of my friends where are also doing a Ph.D. Even more so, all the female friends I have had after high-school are Ph.D. scholars (my UG was done in an all boys college). All the female faculty in the institution I am working in are also obviously researchers and most of them are my mothers age. Furthermore, all my female cousins are significantly older than me and I do not have a female sibling. In short, I literally have had no interaction with females of my age who are not researchers. So the requirements of a Ph.D. is there only for familiarity sake. I would be glad to marry is a girl who is a commerce student or an engineer or an arts student who also has interesting hobbies that have some similarities with my hobbies. There are literally no other expectations on my side. Don't care about social/economic status or looks/height/weight/complexion and other things are usually mentioned in marriage profiles. This is something that surprisingly my parents and I both agree upon. Of course, my parents would expect horoscope matching and girl younger than me but 90% of the girls on matrimonial websites make these demands so I am not mentioning them.

My dilemma is more on what compromises to make as krish44 seems to have understood. But I find krish44's answer slight unhelpful as I already know that I cannot have the cake and eat it too! My question is how exactly to do a tight rope walk? To put it in abstract terms, how do I intelligently compromise so that I find a girl who simultaneously satisfy these three conditions:

[1]. She is happy marrying me for who I am.

[2]. I am happy marrying her for who she is.

[3]. My parents are happy that she and I are getting married.

a-TB says that everything in my profile is a liability and so according to him there is no girl who satisfies condition [1]. tbs says that I have unrealistic conditions and should be a bhramachari. tbs seem to be to be of the view that there is no girl who will satisfy condition [2]. Raji Ram says that there is no girl who satisfies condition [2] and [3] simultaneously (which is actually rather obvious as magical unicorns don't exist!).

Any more viewpoints are most welcome.

 

[mkrishna100]

This boy requires only one girl for marriage.

Everyone requires only one girl or one boy for marriage but the problem is that the girl / boy and their respective parents have 10 various conditions each and the meeting points are very less and hence the delay and difficulty in marriage .

 

[krish44]

Everyone requires only one girl or one boy for marriage but the problem is that the girl / boy and their respective parents have 10 various conditions each and the meeting points are very less and hence the delay and difficulty in marriage .

Some see only problems in everything.

It is not all difficult , one can accept the critical conditions and ignore the less important.

There is need to simplify not complicate issues.

If one tries in mission mode , it is easy to find a match.

Have you ever gone to Triplicane parthasarathy temple or nanganallur Anjaneyar temple?

You will find many tamil brahmin girls traditionally dressed , many praying for matches.

One can latch on to the most orthodox looking there .

I am not joking.

These are favorite spots for boy meeting girl in chennai.

Many prefer meeting in temples to calling boys home even in arranged matches.

Other alternatives is canteens of govt coed engg colleges.

Only First check they are tamil brahmins before making a move.

Reservation policy does not allow too many of them in such colleges.

 

[mkrishna100]

Have you ever gone to Triplicane parthasarathy temple or nanganallur Anjaneyar temple?

You will find many tamil brahmin girls traditionally dressed , many praying for matches.

One can latch on to the most orthodox looking there .

I am not joking.

I wish to narrate a real life incident . One family wanted a traditional looking girl and did find such a one based on one of their temple visits and after exchanging horscopes etc ( through a third party person ) everything was OK and even for the boy it was OK but the Girl comes from a LIG Brahmin family and her house like typical LIG Brahmin families is situated in one of the narrow streets and is a small crampled apartment and the boys parents were too shocked after seeing this and cancelled the alliance as they felt that the Girls family were far below the class they belonged to . The boy was willing but the boys parents refused to go ahead and cancelled the alliance . The parents feel while they do not expect the girl to be of their same class they expect the girl's family to be at least Middle class and the father to be bit decently employed and here the Girl's father was a Temple Priest .

It is not all difficult , one can accept the critical conditions and ignore the less important.

What is important for the parents , their children ( be it boy or girl ) find it less important and vice versa . That is the problem . First there must be consensus within the parents and their children on what is essential and what is not before they embark on an alliance .I have found that where the consensus is there before hand then the marriage takes place quickly & the problem is when there is no consensus within a family and the children keep rejecting one after the other alliance .

 

[Raji Ram]

Krish Sir thinks everything is easy in fixing a marriage! :couch2:

We know how orthodox Ambis find it difficult to get a match to suit their parents conditions! :ballchain:

I shall give you two episodes in my family circle:

1. One Ambi attached to one of the Sankara mutts, had years of search before the mutt swAmigaLs himself chose a bride,

a Phd in Sanskrit, as his match. Girl's condition was that Ambi has to be in India and should NOT force her to settle abroad.

He has a lot of business abroad but wife stays with his mom. It is very rare to get such matches.

2. Another Ambi got fed up with the AchAram of his parents and chose to marry a half Hindu and settled abroad. Parents who

are unable to digest this are lamenting all the time and we, relatives, are really helpless!

OK! Krish Sir! Why don't you find a match for the OP and help him. We, members will be all elated and :clap2: for you!

 

[Raji Ram]

Born in a doctor's family, we siblings had freedom to move around in our sweet home, except the Swami room, on those three days.

The only condition was that we should have an early morning bath. Ram's parents are extremely orthodox and have a small room

upstairs for the 'special time' and provide just a mat to lie down. Water will be rationed and we are NOT allowed to touch the stored
water. I was so scared that I depended on tablets to postpone those days, if a visit to the village was necessary then! :fear:

 

[krish44]

RRji
OK challenge accepted.

But you have to do some legwork.

I require his CV with edu,job details with salary,parent details, photo , horos. and his specs of girl he wants.with his tel/mob no.

I require more than a clap. like special khana -home cooked which I will collect after marriage finalisation

 

[krish44]

I wish to narrate a real life incident . One family wanted a traditional looking girl and did find such a one based on one of their temple visits and after exchanging horscopes etc ( through a third party person ) everything was OK and even for the boy it was OK but the Girl comes from a LIG Brahmin family and her house like typical LIG Brahmin families is situated in one of the narrow streets and is a small crampled apartment and the boys parents were too shocked after seeing this and cancelled the alliance as they felt that the Girls family were far below the class they belonged to . The boy was willing but the boys parents refused to go ahead and cancelled the alliance . The parents feel while they do not expect the girl to be of their same class they expect the girl's family to be at least Middle class and the father to be bit decently employed and here the Girl's father was a Temple Priest .



What is important for the parents , their children ( be it boy or girl ) find it less important and vice versa . That is the problem . First there must be consensus within the parents and their children on what is essential and what is not before they embark on an alliance .I have found that where the consensus is there before hand then the marriage takes place quickly & the problem is when there is no consensus within a family and the children keep rejecting one after the other alliance .

When we had a similar predicament with boys parents living in a narrow lane in Triplicane, the boy being a MS from a foreign univ, The match was found in a village

a well off farmer with a traditionally brought up girl , a post graduate who had just taken employment in chennai. both parties are happy. now the boy having had a bad

experience of match making has run of with the girl to UK saying he would never return to india.lol

Parents -father ,mother and son could not agree for 2 plus years on any alliance until the right match

 

[Janaki Jambunathan]

Born in a doctor's family, we siblings had freedom to move around in our sweet home, except the Swami room, on those three days.

The only condition was that we should have an early morning bath. Ram's parents are extremely orthodox and have a small room

upstairs for the 'special time' and provide just a mat to lie down. Water will be rationed and we are NOT allowed to touch the stored
water. I was so scared that I depended on tablets to postpone those days, if a visit to the village was necessary then! :fear:

It is not only Those 3 days Problem! It may be 27 X 7 extending to 365 days Madi Vizuppu Pathhu specially keeping cooked food in Frig etc! Needs Give and Take by every one !

 

[krish44]

Born in a doctor's family, we siblings had freedom to move around in our sweet home, except the Swami room, on those three days.

The only condition was that we should have an early morning bath. Ram's parents are extremely orthodox and have a small room

upstairs for the 'special time' and provide just a mat to lie down. Water will be rationed and we are NOT allowed to touch the stored
water. I was so scared that I depended on tablets to postpone those days, if a visit to the village was necessary then! :fear:

You have gone thru interesting experiences . But you have coped well

All do that.

Most would like marriages to,last for a lifetime.

Most do also if there is give and take.

One learns how to reduce the bad and increase the good to make a good marriage.

 

[krish44]

It is not only Those 3 days Problem! It may be 27 X 7 extending to 365 days Madi Vizuppu Pathhu specially keeping cooked food in Frig etc! Needs Give and Take by every one !

I think there is a lot of exaggeration.You belong to last generation.


This generation girls have also better tricks up their sleeve on how to manage.

only this boy is fearing about a wide spread status in many brahmin families.

Girls do get married to boys from these families and make it work.

I am sure this boy will succeed as he is openly expressing his fears.


Other boys hide their family orthodox status.

This boys honesty and openness will see him thru

 

[shunyampurnam]

This thread is going in directions that I had not anticipated. In case it was not clear from my post, I am least worried that I would end up as a bachelor. I do not see what the big deal in being a bachelor is. It would, however, be a big deal for my parents. Hence, the reason I posted it in these forums where there might be many people who might have experience in such delicate issues. I would be very grateful if all of you kindly stick to the topic. The prevalent viewpoint seems to be that I have no chance of getting married if I look for an orthodox girl with Ph.D (which I already knew). My question is how to make suitable compromises (I have elaborated on this in an earlier post which is yet to appear because of moderators) to get a bride. If it is not possible, please say so and elaborate why you feel this way. I can use your reasoning when my parents/relatives start pestering me to get married.

@krish44 I am glad that your willing to actually search for a bride for me but that was not what this thread is about. I politely decline your offer. Nevertheless, I am curious why you want my CV? I was of the impression that a CV is a record of work experience to be sent to a potential employer. In academia, a CV is almost always a document filled with details of research publications and conference talks given. Has search for a life-partner become so much like a job hunt that girls and boys are expected to send CV's !? Also, I also cannot take your suggestion about going to temples and government colleges seriously. That is not how intelligent people look for a bride but how desperate people do. Please don't give suggestions that are irrelevant to my question.

 

[sangom]

Shri Shunyampurnam,
I can definitely say that you are not a "marriageable" boy in today's circumstances. The main fault lies with your parents and yourself. I cannot accept arguments like, "my parents are very very orthodox. Patthu, theetu, madi are followed very stringently in our house and my parents expect their future daughter-in-law to also follow these as well", "I believe they were designed at different times when most brahmins were priest/vedic teachers", "But my parents will be heart-broken if I stay single. Being very orthodox they feel it is their duty to get me married. Moreover they also have the standard desires of playing with grand-children, etc..". These are all statements to cover up the extreme obstinacy of your parents. I am also an old man, born and brought up (designed at a very different time, in your phrase) but have not your parents changed with the times? When I was a young boy, brahmins will not ordinarily leave their traditional agrahAram houses, because the town houses were not considered as good enough for madi since NBs would be staying in adjacent houses or nearby. Have not your parents moved from their old agrahAram house to some flat/quarters in the city?

Does your father read newspaper/watch TV? If so he (and your mother too) must have understood how fast our tabra community has transformed, especially during the last 30 or 40 years. Unless you can find another equally orthodox family who have stopped their daughter's education with SSLC, your chances of getting a wife are nil. Even if you get one, mind it, she will definitely make life hell for both your parents and yourself by filing a police complaint, at a suitable opportunity after marriage (and she will decide when) alleging menatal cruelty, etc., from all of you.

Since you say that you are a researcher, etc., it is up to you to tell your obstinate and incorrigible parents that the choice is theirs — change with the times or forego the pleasures of the family lineage continuing through grandchildren.

I will blame you only squarely for being a typical "amby".

 

[krish44]

sangomji
It is only the boys perception about his parents.

May not be fully correct.

Most orthodox outwardly may have a different mindset.But when it comes to marriage of their children, most orthodox will face reality.

They also realise the pressure of modern times to change .

When it comes to the crunch , they will yield ground.

most fears the boy has may not turn out to be correct.

after one or two experiences , they will arrive at the common parameters for the right match and will succeed.

One has to be a litlle persistent in search ,thats all

 

[Janaki Jambunathan]

sangomji
It is only the boys perception about his parents.

May not be fully correct.

Most orthodox outwardly may have a different mindset.But when it comes to marriage of their children, most orthodox will face reality.

They also realise the pressure of modern times to change .

When it comes to the crunch , they will yield ground.

most fears the boy has may not turn out to be correct.

after one or two experiences , they will arrive at the common parameters for the right match and will succeed.

One has to be a litlle persistent in search ,thats all

True Time heals the wound and the wedding is not only accepted even glorified - Lot of parents I know have accepted after a time saying that this girls is much better than the other d in Laws in the family! It was our folly that we could never imagine this possibility!

 

[krish44]

JJ Ji
You are one sensible person in this forum .

you can separate perceptions from realities.

This boy is unnecessarily fearing change and is torn between his need for a wife who meets his requirements and parents preferance for a traditional girl.

He is only openly expressing his fears .

That is both his honesty and immaturity.

He can be moulded to get what he wants without antagonising anyone,

It is just lack of his exposure to the basic realities of modern living and an older generation which is caught in this modern whirl unable to cope with the rapid changes

having got used

to a particular way of living.

Only yesterday , in one such family , a 33 years old brahmin girl after years of waiting for a suitable match to be fixed by traditonal parents married a non brahmin boy.

She was welll educated and a bharat natyam dancer . She preferred a boy , a choreographer in films who could match her aspirations to be a dance performer of

repute. when young people are driven to desperation by unreasonable parents what options are open to them.Either stay unmarried or take what best one can get

meeting ones aspirations.

If this boy is young, and mature enough ,he will make he right compromises and become successful . else , he will go for desperate options after a few years

 

[Raji Ram]

RRji
OK challenge accepted.

But you have to do some legwork.

I require his CV with edu,job details with salary,parent details, photo , horos. and his specs of girl he wants.with his tel/mob no.

I require more than a clap. like special khana -home cooked which I will collect after marriage finalisation

Come on SP!

Krish Sir is there to help you in the search. Please provide the necessary details to him and we shall await the result.

I can give grand lunch to Krish Sir, when he visits Sing. Chennai, after finalizing SP's wedding! :hungry:

I hope the life of SP will be Shunyam to Purnam!

Is 'Zero to Hero' the possible translation??

 

[Raji Ram]

Shri Shunyampurnam,
I can definitely say that you are not a "marriageable" boy in today's circumstances. The main fault lies with your parents and yourself. I cannot accept arguments like, "my parents are very very orthodox. Patthu, theetu, madi are followed very stringently in our house and my parents expect their future daughter-in-law to also follow these as well", "I believe they were designed at different times when most brahmins were priest/vedic teachers", "But my parents will be heart-broken if I stay single. Being very orthodox they feel it is their duty to get me married. Moreover they also have the standard desires of playing with grand-children, etc..". These are all statements to cover up the extreme obstinacy of your parents. I am also an old man, born and brought up (designed at a very different time, in your phrase) but have not your parents changed with the times? When I was a young boy, brahmins will not ordinarily leave their traditional agrahAram houses, because the town houses were not considered as good enough for madi since NBs would be staying in adjacent houses or nearby. Have not your parents moved from their old agrahAram house to some flat/quarters in the city?

Does your father read newspaper/watch TV? If so he (and your mother too) must have understood how fast our tabra community has transformed, especially during the last 30 or 40 years. Unless you can find another equally orthodox family who have stopped their daughter's education with SSLC, your chances of getting a wife are nil. Even if you get one, mind it, she will definitely make life hell for both your parents and yourself by filing a police complaint, at a suitable opportunity after marriage (and she will decide when) alleging menatal cruelty, etc., from all of you.

Since you say that you are a researcher, etc., it is up to you to tell your obstinate and incorrigible parents that the choice is theirs — change with the times or forego the pleasures of the family lineage continuing through grandchildren.

I will blame you only squarely for being a typical "amby".

I agree 100% to what Sangom Sir has written.

Such Ambis will never get a doctorate wife, if not assisted by a mutt chief!!

 

[Lalita Yeshwanth]

Dear S'puranam
It is really heartening to know that there are still people like you, who do trikhala sandyavandahanam.
Maybe it is folks like you, who ensure that there are still rains and harvests in the country.
I saw your expectations of your prospective bride. It is a bit difficult.
I am a mother of 2 highly educated girls myself, and trust me they will NOT adhere to ancient customs of segregation and madi etc. It will be very difficult to control the situation, especially if parents are dogmatic about it. I have faced this in my youth and still feel scarred. It always made me feel like an inferior being, but I took it since there was no choice.
The situation today is, if the girls are achievers, their outlook is evolved, (I am not saying MODERN), because there can tradition in modernity also. The very mention of ideas like segregation will start controversies.
I sincerely hope you find a suitable partner.
Please remember, finding a match, is not like getting a mannequin! There is no 100% fit!! Infact, there is no right and there is now wrong. It's all in perception
Regards
LY