How common is IC marriages among TB community in Delhi?

[XLR8R]

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Good post, but are women more likely to marry out than men?

I would say yes, but the reasons are not what one might think.

In my marriage search I came across a good number of women whose mother is Tamil Brahmin and father is not. Tamil or otherwise.

More women I spoke to are more ready for IC compared to men. It is not limited to the TB community.

The reasons are that generally in Indian family system the girl leaves her family and joins the boy's family post marriage and in most cases that means living with or being involved with the boy's parents. Irrespective of caste of boy the girl needs to adjust to a new atmosphere so for her point of view the effort is the same whether or not there is IC marriage.

From men's point of view most men who live with parents or otherwise have regular involvement of parents in life decisions aspire to marry a girl who will be obedient to and compatible with the boy's parents. In this sense they feel that someone who understands our lifestyle and culture will be better.

In case both are not living anywhere near to parents or the parents are not really engaged in the childrens' lifestyle, these two things do not apply, but such cases are still not more than 20%.

Another point of note is that women have recently found freedom and independence in last two generations and wish to exercise free will in selecting life partner. They are less likely to accept compromises on this because the memory of their mother's compromises is still fresh in their minds. So there is a tendency to prioritize convenience and freedom, but the same women later have a second crisis when their half-caste kids are not perceived well by the society.

I spoke to several TB mothers who told me they raised their girl/boy with full Brahmin education and values and now find it difficult to get suitable match because NB lifestyle and values do not match and TBs/others negatively see half-caste kids. Finding love based match is not for everyone in the end, and even in arranged marriage one may not be compatible with every open minded match.

 

[Super1223]

I feel that Super1223 has an opinion, and is determined to get someone else to corroborate it. Why not state your opinion? You have proven that you are biased, and anti-feminist.
Let us hear your side.

LOL, Indian culture is itself anti feminist, you think Punjabis or Jaats doing female infanticide are feminist lol?
The fact that we educate our daughters and the fact the we are not into female infanticide is feminist enough for this country.
Yes I'm biased, I understand all cultures are not equal and I'm looking to understand the stuff which happened in Delhi, so that we can avoid further damage.

 

[Super1223]

If we observe the animal kingdom, the female doesnt simply give in to any male who tries to court her for continuation of species.
She finally chooses to allow the male whom she feels will be the most conducive for survival of the species.

Well I suppose I can't find any species which does rampant female infanticide, like the fellows in Punjab and Delhi do, can we really compare animals with Humans in this case.

 

[Super1223]

I would say yes, but the reasons are not what one might think.

In my marriage search I came across a good number of women whose mother is Tamil Brahmin and father is not. Tamil or otherwise.

More women I spoke to are more ready for IC compared to men. It is not limited to the TB community.

The reasons are that generally in Indian family system the girl leaves her family and joins the boy's family post marriage and in most cases that means living with or being involved with the boy's parents. Irrespective of caste of boy the girl needs to adjust to a new atmosphere so for her point of view the effort is the same whether or not there is IC marriage.

From men's point of view most men who live with parents or otherwise have regular involvement of parents in life decisions aspire to marry a girl who will be obedient to and compatible with the boy's parents. In this sense they feel that someone who understands our lifestyle and culture will be better.

In case both are not living anywhere near to parents or the parents are not really engaged in the childrens' lifestyle, these two things do not apply, but such cases are still not more than 20%.

Another point of note is that women have recently found freedom and independence in last two generations and wish to exercise free will in selecting life partner. They are less likely to accept compromises on this because the memory of their mother's compromises is still fresh in their minds. So there is a tendency to prioritize convenience and freedom, but the same women later have a second crisis when their half-caste kids are not perceived well by the society.

I spoke to several TB mothers who told me they raised their girl/boy with full Brahmin education and values and now find it difficult to get suitable match because NB lifestyle and values do not match and TBs/others negatively see half-caste kids. Finding love based match is not for everyone in the end, and even in arranged marriage one may not be compatible with every open minded match.

@XLR8R so more women have married out than men have? Lot of unmarried TB men in north India or Delhi, am I correct?

 

[XLR8R]

@XLR8R so more women have married out than men have? Lot of unmarried TB men in north India or Delhi, am I correct?

Let's put it this way:

At age 25, difference is none to very little.

At age 32, 30% more unmarried men in TB & Telugu Brahmin community compared to women.

Age 40+, 50-60% more men than women.

Reason being: Boys and girls are not in same location, both are unable to agree on relocation (also lack of opportunities), girls move with any local or nearby boy who is generally not Brahmin, boys keep waiting that they will get a Brahmin match.

 

[XLR8R]

@XLR8R so more women have married out than men have? Lot of unmarried TB men in north India or Delhi, am I correct?

Let's put it this way:

At age 25, difference is none to very little.

At age 32, 30% more unmarried men in TB & Telugu Brahmin community compared to women.

Age 40+, 50-60% more men than women.

Reason being: Boys and girls are not in same location, both are unable to agree on relocation (also lack of opportunities), girls move with any local or nearby boy who is generally not Brahmin, boys keep waiting that they will get a Brahmin match.

I am also searching but I have come to the point that if it is in the destiny to remain single or to accept a non-Tamil wife then I should accept that reality.

I am a north Indian born Tamil Brahmin with no remaining family in south India and I find it very difficult to strike a deep connection with someone born in a traditional south Indian household from south India. Although the parents' generation understands me as many of them moved throughout the country for jobs, the TB girls who have largely remained in 2 or 3 cities nearby each other are unable to. I don't blame them....just wish everyone the best to find good match.

 

[XLR8R]

Sorry there is a duplicate posting....I pressed the reply button twice by mistake. I request the admin to delete the post #55 in this thread....

 

[XLR8R]

Well I suppose I can't find any species which does rampant female infanticide, like the fellows in Punjab and Delhi do, can we really compare animals with Humans in this case.

It's not Punjab but rather Haryana and some parts of Rajasthan. Since Haryana touches Delhi you could say some small area of Delhi too. Although many Haryana people are also Punjabi by ethnicity it is important to make the distinction.

The ironic reason is that their girls generally choose to marry south Indians once they study and work in metro cities, the families feel threatened.

What's even worse is that these same families boys then search for south Indian, Bihari and Bengali girls to marry....