How common is IC marriages among TB community in Delhi?

[XLR8R]

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Good post, but are women more likely to marry out than men?

I would say yes, but the reasons are not what one might think.

In my marriage search I came across a good number of women whose mother is Tamil Brahmin and father is not. Tamil or otherwise.

More women I spoke to are more ready for IC compared to men. It is not limited to the TB community.

The reasons are that generally in Indian family system the girl leaves her family and joins the boy's family post marriage and in most cases that means living with or being involved with the boy's parents. Irrespective of caste of boy the girl needs to adjust to a new atmosphere so for her point of view the effort is the same whether or not there is IC marriage.

From men's point of view most men who live with parents or otherwise have regular involvement of parents in life decisions aspire to marry a girl who will be obedient to and compatible with the boy's parents. In this sense they feel that someone who understands our lifestyle and culture will be better.

In case both are not living anywhere near to parents or the parents are not really engaged in the childrens' lifestyle, these two things do not apply, but such cases are still not more than 20%.

Another point of note is that women have recently found freedom and independence in last two generations and wish to exercise free will in selecting life partner. They are less likely to accept compromises on this because the memory of their mother's compromises is still fresh in their minds. So there is a tendency to prioritize convenience and freedom, but the same women later have a second crisis when their half-caste kids are not perceived well by the society.

I spoke to several TB mothers who told me they raised their girl/boy with full Brahmin education and values and now find it difficult to get suitable match because NB lifestyle and values do not match and TBs/others negatively see half-caste kids. Finding love based match is not for everyone in the end, and even in arranged marriage one may not be compatible with every open minded match.

 

[Super1223]

I feel that Super1223 has an opinion, and is determined to get someone else to corroborate it. Why not state your opinion? You have proven that you are biased, and anti-feminist.
Let us hear your side.

LOL, Indian culture is itself anti feminist, you think Punjabis or Jaats doing female infanticide are feminist lol?
The fact that we educate our daughters and the fact the we are not into female infanticide is feminist enough for this country.
Yes I'm biased, I understand all cultures are not equal and I'm looking to understand the stuff which happened in Delhi, so that we can avoid further damage.

 

[Super1223]

If we observe the animal kingdom, the female doesnt simply give in to any male who tries to court her for continuation of species.
She finally chooses to allow the male whom she feels will be the most conducive for survival of the species.

Well I suppose I can't find any species which does rampant female infanticide, like the fellows in Punjab and Delhi do, can we really compare animals with Humans in this case.

 

[Super1223]

I would say yes, but the reasons are not what one might think.

In my marriage search I came across a good number of women whose mother is Tamil Brahmin and father is not. Tamil or otherwise.

More women I spoke to are more ready for IC compared to men. It is not limited to the TB community.

The reasons are that generally in Indian family system the girl leaves her family and joins the boy's family post marriage and in most cases that means living with or being involved with the boy's parents. Irrespective of caste of boy the girl needs to adjust to a new atmosphere so for her point of view the effort is the same whether or not there is IC marriage.

From men's point of view most men who live with parents or otherwise have regular involvement of parents in life decisions aspire to marry a girl who will be obedient to and compatible with the boy's parents. In this sense they feel that someone who understands our lifestyle and culture will be better.

In case both are not living anywhere near to parents or the parents are not really engaged in the childrens' lifestyle, these two things do not apply, but such cases are still not more than 20%.

Another point of note is that women have recently found freedom and independence in last two generations and wish to exercise free will in selecting life partner. They are less likely to accept compromises on this because the memory of their mother's compromises is still fresh in their minds. So there is a tendency to prioritize convenience and freedom, but the same women later have a second crisis when their half-caste kids are not perceived well by the society.

I spoke to several TB mothers who told me they raised their girl/boy with full Brahmin education and values and now find it difficult to get suitable match because NB lifestyle and values do not match and TBs/others negatively see half-caste kids. Finding love based match is not for everyone in the end, and even in arranged marriage one may not be compatible with every open minded match.

@XLR8R so more women have married out than men have? Lot of unmarried TB men in north India or Delhi, am I correct?

 

[XLR8R]

@XLR8R so more women have married out than men have? Lot of unmarried TB men in north India or Delhi, am I correct?

Let's put it this way:

At age 25, difference is none to very little.

At age 32, 30% more unmarried men in TB & Telugu Brahmin community compared to women.

Age 40+, 50-60% more men than women.

Reason being: Boys and girls are not in same location, both are unable to agree on relocation (also lack of opportunities), girls move with any local or nearby boy who is generally not Brahmin, boys keep waiting that they will get a Brahmin match.

 

[XLR8R]

@XLR8R so more women have married out than men have? Lot of unmarried TB men in north India or Delhi, am I correct?

Let's put it this way:

At age 25, difference is none to very little.

At age 32, 30% more unmarried men in TB & Telugu Brahmin community compared to women.

Age 40+, 50-60% more men than women.

Reason being: Boys and girls are not in same location, both are unable to agree on relocation (also lack of opportunities), girls move with any local or nearby boy who is generally not Brahmin, boys keep waiting that they will get a Brahmin match.

I am also searching but I have come to the point that if it is in the destiny to remain single or to accept a non-Tamil wife then I should accept that reality.

I am a north Indian born Tamil Brahmin with no remaining family in south India and I find it very difficult to strike a deep connection with someone born in a traditional south Indian household from south India. Although the parents' generation understands me as many of them moved throughout the country for jobs, the TB girls who have largely remained in 2 or 3 cities nearby each other are unable to. I don't blame them....just wish everyone the best to find good match.

 

[XLR8R]

Sorry there is a duplicate posting....I pressed the reply button twice by mistake. I request the admin to delete the post #55 in this thread....

 

[Super1223]

Let's put it this way:

At age 25, difference is none to very little.

At age 32, 30% more unmarried men in TB & Telugu Brahmin community compared to women.

Age 40+, 50-60% more men than women.

Reason being: Boys and girls are not in same location, both are unable to agree on relocation (also lack of opportunities), girls move with any local or nearby boy who is generally not Brahmin, boys keep waiting that they will get a Brahmin match.

I am also searching but I have come to the point that if it is in the destiny to remain single or to accept a non-Tamil wife then I should accept that reality.

I am a north Indian born Tamil Brahmin with no remaining family in south India and I find it very difficult to strike a deep connection with someone born in a traditional south Indian household from south India. Although the parents' generation understands me as many of them moved throughout the country for jobs, the TB girls who have largely remained in 2 or 3 cities nearby each other are unable to. I don't blame them....just wish everyone the best to find good match.

Why are men not interested in local women? So quite of lot of them remained unmarried?

 

[XLR8R]

Well I suppose I can't find any species which does rampant female infanticide, like the fellows in Punjab and Delhi do, can we really compare animals with Humans in this case.

It's not Punjab but rather Haryana and some parts of Rajasthan. Since Haryana touches Delhi you could say some small area of Delhi too. Although many Haryana people are also Punjabi by ethnicity it is important to make the distinction.

The ironic reason is that their girls generally choose to marry south Indians once they study and work in metro cities, the families feel threatened.

What's even worse is that these same families boys then search for south Indian, Bihari and Bengali girls to marry....

 

[Super1223]

It's not Punjab but rather Haryana and some parts of Rajasthan. Since Haryana touches Delhi you could say some small area of Delhi too. Although many Haryana people are also Punjabi by ethnicity it is important to make the distinction.

The ironic reason is that their girls generally choose to marry south Indians once they study and work in metro cities, the families feel threatened.

What's even worse is that these same families boys then search for south Indian, Bihari and Bengali girls to marry....

The child sex ratio in Punjab, Haryana has averaged 800 for 60 years now, <snipped> do not post allegations without proof </snipped>

 

[prasad1]

SuperSir,
In 2024, the sex ratio of the total population in Punjab will be 110.415 males per 100 females.

Punjab population 2024 - StatisticsTimes.com

Population, decadal growth rate and net change of Punjab from 1901 to 2011. District wise population of Punjab.

statisticstimes.com

That is 90%.

Tamil Nadu population 2024 - StatisticsTimes.com

Population, decadal growth rate and net change of Tamil Nadu from 1901 to 2011 as per census. District wise population of Tamil Nadu.

statisticstimes.com

In 2024, the sex ratio of the total population in Tamil Nadu will be 99.611 males per 100 females.
That is 100.3%

Do you think women are like cattle, that they can be chained and traded I believe you are scared that women have found their independence and are going to fly the coop because people like you cannot romance an educated woman and get her to marry you. I am not sorry to see that disorders like yours will become extinct.

 

[prasad1]

The child sex ratio in Punjab, Haryana has averaged 800 for 60 years now, I doubt they are searching for girls from south india, mostly they abduct women from Bengal and Bihar.

Can you prove it?

 

[XLR8R]

Why are men not interested in local women? So quite of lot of them remained unmarried?

Because men are still in the old mindset of woman will adjust to my lifestyle, my culture and my family, which will not work in circumstances like these. In such cases men themselves have to adapt and adjust to the reality.

Remember that as one gets older it becomes harder and harder to adjust, people's expectations also keep increasing.

Any educated 35 year old woman has different expectations than a 25 year old woman. So thinking that I can get the same kind of match I thought I could get when I was 25 is sure to get you much disappointment.

In simple words you need to be a better man than the locals for a local woman to consider you. Which is of course possible but only if you put ego aside which many do not.

 

[Super1223]

Why are men not interested in local women? So quite of lot of them remained unmarried?

@XLR8R any idea?

 

[Super1223]

Can you prove it?

Google child sex ratio

 

[Super1223]

SuperSir,
In 2024, the sex ratio of the total population in Punjab will be 110.415 males per 100 females.

Punjab population 2024 - StatisticsTimes.com

Population, decadal growth rate and net change of Punjab from 1901 to 2011. District wise population of Punjab.

statisticstimes.com

That is 90%.

Tamil Nadu population 2024 - StatisticsTimes.com

Population, decadal growth rate and net change of Tamil Nadu from 1901 to 2011 as per census. District wise population of Tamil Nadu.

statisticstimes.com

In 2024, the sex ratio of the total population in Tamil Nadu will be 99.611 males per 100 females.
That is 100.3%

Do you think women are like cattle, that they can be chained and traded I believe you are scared that women have found their independence and are going to fly the coop because people like you cannot romance an educated woman and get her to marry you. I am not sorry to see that disorders like yours will become extinct.

Lol, why don't you tell this to Punjabis and Jaats who do female infanticide and treat women like cattle? Lol, I'm sorry you are comparing cultures where women are not killed and treated like humans VS culture where women are killed even before they are born and then not educated even if they are let to live, if we encourage boys to pursue girls in college in our culture, do you think parents will be willing to send their daughters to school lol, it's amusing how we find the most delusional mentality among our boomers, those clowns(Jaats and Punjabis) don't invest in women coz they can anyway get them from elsewhere, while we are foolish enough to let that happen, coz our boomers think that we are restricting women's choice, while I have no issues encouraging boys to chace women, unfortunately boomers will cry, boomers won't change or adapt and are curse to the young, it's because of these boomers that girls prefer to marry out.

 

[Super1223]

Because men are still in the old mindset of woman will adjust to my lifestyle, my culture and my family, which will not work in circumstances like these. In such cases men themselves have to adapt and adjust to the reality.

Remember that as one gets older it becomes harder and harder to adjust, people's expectations also keep increasing.

Any educated 35 year old woman has different expectations than a 25 year old woman. So thinking that I can get the same kind of match I thought I could get when I was 25 is sure to get you much disappointment.

In simple words you need to be a better man than the locals for a local woman to consider you. Which is of course possible but only if you put ego aside which many do not.

So lot of men choose to remain unmarried than look for a local wife?, do men change after they have reached thier 30s?

 

[XLR8R]

So lot of men choose to remain unmarried than look for a local wife?, do men change after they have reached thier 30s?

Most families easily accept if their boy marries outside the community but have issues if the girl marries outside the community.

From a 30s man point of view:

Most of the TB/SIB boys who grew up in Delhi are either abroad or not in Delhi for job.
75-80% SIB (South Indian Brahmin) boys in Delhi are first generation migrants.

Unlike women, boys get grilled about property holdings, finances, future investments, inheritance. Basically when it comes down to it, it is very difficult to beat a local boy on these aspects unless you're in the super rich 5%.

So from girl's point of view and especially her parents, they think this guy's properties are too far away to be useful in future (since in most cases the accumulated wealth is in the place of birth)

Would a girl rather marry someone with own house in Delhi or someone who pays 30-40% of salary on rent?

The only realistic options for TB boys/SIB boys is to marry someone from their hometown who will shift to Delhi, or find a girl who is not a native of Delhi and has come there for study or work. Since such girls themselves have no base in Delhi, they don't mind a boy who also doesn't have the base.

Ideally this should work out, but like I said, for Brahmin community 70-80% boys end up leaving the city of birth after the age of 23, whereas 70-80% girls stay within 200km of their place of birth/upbringing.

Meaning that in Delhi, the 70% migrant male community of Brahmins has only a 30% pool of girls irrespective of ethnicity.

One way of sidestepping this is to ignore the caste or ethnicity but even then the problem applies to the combined population.

Now the north Indians, East, NE Indians have an advantage:

Their boys and girls are ready to move anywhere in the country.
So they can in fact look for a boy/girl in Bihar or Assam and be assured he/she will move to Delhi or Bangalore or Chennai after marriage irrespective of job.

For South Indian Brahmins this option does not exist. Both men and women of South Indian community will list the usual "my state + 2 neighbours" as the preference.

So if he or she is from Maharashtra the match has to be from Karnataka, Maharashtra or Gujarat.

South Indian Brahmin women in general will avoid any aspect of going outside comfort zone. Generally speaking, they refuse to move to any state north of Maharashtra even when relocation is possible by work commitments.

"I don't like Delhi, MP, Odisha, Rajasthan, etc." I have commonly heard from these girls.

So basically south Indian culture has a problem: a fear of north India, which the rest of India does not have. This affects marriage prospects of south Indians in general living in north India.

The other problem:

North Indians know very little about Tamil/South Indian Brahmins now because population in Delhi is no longer significant. They feel like background check and genuineness of Brahmin claim is tough to check. I have had to explain a lot about who Iyers/Iyengars are and what are the subsects. Most feel safer going with a population group they are familiar with.

The blame squarely falls on us for this one though, our community chased the money out of the nation.

A final solution is to do a love marriage, but like I said earlier, love is not for everyone and love is not always successful.

 

[prasad1]

Lol, why don't you tell this to Punjabis and Jaats who do female infanticide and treat women like cattle? Lol, I'm sorry you are comparing cultures where women are not killed and treated like humans VS culture where women are killed even before they are born and then not educated even if they are let to live, if we encourage boys to pursue girls in college in our culture, do you think parents will be willing to send their daughters to school lol, it's amusing how we find the most delusional mentality among our boomers, those clowns(Jaats and Punjabis) don't invest in women coz they can anyway get them from elsewhere, while we are foolish enough to let that happen, coz our boomers think that we are restricting women's choice, while I have no issues encouraging boys to chace women, unfortunately boomers will cry, boomers won't change or adapt and are curse to the young, it's because of these boomers that girls prefer to marry out.

You are wrong, ignorant, and judgmental. You are sprouting the same lie the Western media was propagating. Check your facts.

Number of reported infanticide cases across India in 2022, by state​

Tamil Nadu ted for the 3rd spot and Panjab was 10th.

India: number of reported cases of infanticide by state 2022 | Statista

The Indian state with the highest number of infanticide cases reported in 2022 was Maharashtra, with 25 cases.

www.statista.com