Initiative towards Improving people's interpersonal skills

[sravna]

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This I have to to agree.

A bright intelligent person..totally manipulated.

Dear Renuka,

I agree. Even a spiritually inclined person can be affected when he is attacked in a personal way. The difference is a spiritually inclined person does not go on an offence. If a person shows equanimity when under personal attack is most fully evolved.

 

[renuka]

Dear Renuka,

I agree. Even a spiritually inclined person can be affected when he is attacked in a personal way. The difference is a spiritually inclined person does not go on an offence. If a person shows equanimity when under personal attack is most fully evolved.

Dear Sravna,

Equanimity can also be feigned.

There used to be a girl in my class who used to be the epitome of equanimity.

She would never get angry and try to be the perfect Christian."If you slap me right cheek I give you my left cheek kind"

Everyone used to think she could be the 2nd coming of Christ! She was that good..always smiling and always helpful.

But I always had my doubts.

She used to have a best friend who was also a goody two shoes Christian.

One day her best friend got married and she showed me the pics of her best friends wedding.

She asked me what I thought of the pics.

I said 'Not bad"

Then all of a sudden she got very angry with me and said loudly "WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY NOT BAD..I FEEL THEY LOOK GREAT AND YOU THINK THEY ARE JUST NOT BAD?"

I was totally shocked with her outburst!

Then she realized that the cat was out of the bag..she was not all that much an angel..it was all a fake show like a silicone implants fake boobs!LOL

 

[sravna]

Dear Sravna,

Then she realized that the cat was out of the bag..she was not all that much an angel..it was all a fake show like a silicone implants fake boobs!LOL

As you say it cannot be faked for long. The cat will be out of the bag sooner or later

 

[renuka]

Dear Sravna,

I have noted that many spiritually inclined people get offended very very easily.

Sometimes its hard to even deal with them in many aspects.

They expect everyone to be like them and feel that anyone who is not like them is surely wrong.

They are always sure they are right.

 

[prasad1]

I have noted that many spiritually inclined people get offended very very easily.
I do not know if I can be classified as spiritual?

Sometimes its hard to even deal with them in many aspects.
I suppose I am hard to deal with sometimes.!!!!!

They are always sure they are right.
Of course I am right.!!!!!!!! LOL

People get offended because they are asked difficult questions of their belief, fot which they have no rational answers.

 

[sravna]

In the present times it is the uncompassionate that rule the world. One of the surest ways to cure people of their lack of compassion is to show to them that the power or force they usually display is just illusory. That they are trying to be proud of something which is not of their doing. This is because the force of selfishness that the uncompassionate people project comes forth because emotions are controlling them. The person is not under control and all the force or power that he projects is not coming from his own volition.

Think what people would think of one who is under the control of emotions. Would they naturally more regard a person who is very prone to emotions, patent or repressed, or one who is self composed all the time? The answer unequivocally would be, one would naturally be impressed by and respect the latter a lot more. If displaying negative emotions in general heart of hearts, is not considered desirable, then why are people trying to project their emotions? Simply because they are not able to control them. It is exactly such people who are under the grip of emotions who are not able to show or sustain compassion. Secondly such people get away in practice by the display of emotions and no one thinks that they are not doing it out of volition.

But the real problem is one who is compassionate and well intentioned is also under the control of his emotions and is forced to fall in line with the selfish and not powerful enough to influence the selfish juggernaut , though from the point of view of ability to control emotions , he is at a higher rung compared to the selfish people.

A remedy for this is to systematically teach people that one who is under the control of emotions is actually a slave. Right teaching would help making people realize the truth that coming out of emotions is very desirable even if difficult. The greatest freedom would be to come out of that hold and be able to think independently.

My view is that a person who is able the win this battle by sincere and constant efforts could not win a greater battle. I would say it is equivalent to conquering the whole of universe. One can feel so much worthy about oneself if one can accomplish that. Though that indeed is the design of nature, it may be part of the design that at some point people put in sincere conscious efforts towards overcoming emotions.

 

[renuka]

But the real problem is one who is compassionate and well intentioned is also under the control of his emotions and is forced to fall in line with the selfish and not powerful enough to influence the selfish juggernaut , though from the point of view of ability to control emotions , he is at a higher rung compared to the selfish people.

.

Dear Sravna,

I understand what you want to convey but why use the word that the compassionate person is at a higher rung than a selfish person?

Why grade people?

When we grade people that is where all problem starts..some try to act Holier Than Thou and others retaliate and even the compassionate start fighting.

I guess it all depends on approach.

Everyone is selfish to a certain extent.Even the compassionate are selfish for they want to establish a compassionate reign.

The best is accept what we are and live with it.

BTW I dont find anything wrong in projecting emotions as long it does not cause harm to others.

If I could go back in time I would change one thing..that is I wish I could have been more assertive in my life. Sometimes the lack of assertiveness and always thinking of others is actually not too good for emotional health.

Assertiveness and Aggression are not the same.

Assertiveness is Ahimsa.

Aggression is Himsa.

 

[sravna]

Dear Sravna,

I understand what you want to convey but why use the word that the compassionate person is at a higher rung than a selfish person?

Why grade people?

When we grade people that is where all problem starts..some try to act Holier Than Thou and others retaliate and even the compassionate start fighting.

I guess it all depends on approach.

Everyone is selfish to a certain extent.Even the compassionate are selfish for they want to establish a compassionate reign.

The best is accept what we are and live with it.

BTW I dont find anything wrong in projecting emotions as long it does not cause harm to others.

If I could go back in time I would change one thing..that is I wish I could have been more assertive in my life. Sometimes the lack of assertiveness and always thinking of others is actually not too good for emotional health.

Assertiveness and Aggression are not the same.

Assertiveness is Ahimsa.

Aggression is Himsa.

Dear Renuka,

I am not trying to grade people. I think there is nothing wrong in stating the facts. A selfish person is definitely less able to control his emotions than an unselfish person. Sometimes it is necessary to call spade a spade and point out the problems if you want things to improve.

 

[renuka]

Dear Renuka,

I am not trying to grade people. I think there is nothing wrong in stating the facts. A selfish person is definitely less able to control his emotions than an unselfish person. Sometimes it is necessary to call spade a spade and point out the problems if you want things to improve.

Dear Sravna,

You would be surprised to know that the most selfish ones are the ones who have perfect control of their emotions.

They excel in making others angry and always come out as Mr Nice guy..I know many like this.

Sometimes an innocent sincere person could get angry very easily too.

So its really hard to call a spade a spade if emotion display is the yard stick.

Most psychopaths are cool and calculative.

That is why I never trust anyone who is too good to be true.

A sincere person isnt afraid of showing his emotions.

 

[sravna]

Dear Renuka,

Emotions need not always be patent. The cool calculative ones are those who harbor hidden negative emotions in them. They really are not able to control emotions but outwardly they are able to not display them.

 

[renuka]

Dear Renuka,

Emotions need not always be patent. The cool calculative ones are those who harbor hidden negative emotions in them. They really are not able to control emotions but outwardly they are able to not display them.

So how are you going to know the difference?

Believe me its not easy to even know..I have seen many of these types in my work place too when I worked in a hospital before.

The only way is to play a defensive game and not let them get a foothold anywhere and they have to slither away.

The worst part is these types desperately try to make friends.

 

[sravna]

So how are you going to know the difference?

Believe me its not easy to even know..I have seen many of these types in my work place too when I worked in a hospital before.

The only way is to play a defensive game and not let them get a foothold anywhere and they have to slither away.

The worst part is these types desperately try to make friends.

You are right Renuka. It may take some time to figure that out. It is usually in our times of difficulty that we may find that out or we may find out from their attitude towards others.

 

[renuka]

You are right Renuka. It may take some time to figure that out. It is usually in our times of difficulty that we may find that out or we may find out from their attitude towards others.

Dear Sravna,

Its not easy to know..it took me some almost 20 years to actually developed a defensive mechanism with such people.

 

[sravna]

An important question in the minds of many people is that if one were to be compassionate then one is prone to exploitation by others. In that case, should one try to be wary of all as a precautionary measure or can one still be compassionate when one feels to be so?

My answer is it depends on your ability to discern. But as a general rule, one could wear a cloak over one's naturally compassionate nature and get a sense of the other person's nature. The crucial thing here is one is not trying to change one's basic good nature but in fact trying to prevent it from being corrupted. It is always desirable to have that cloak until you are comfortably sure that the other person is well meaning in his relationship. Thus you should be able to dispose off the cloak at will and be able to reveal your good nature.

But what normally happens is that people tend to become overly cautious of others and the negative feelings slowly tend to prevail over the natural good feelings. With some events reinforcing their negative feelings they begin to fundamentally adopt the negative attitude.

But I would say using the cloak approach is a better way of handling people without the need to change oneself for the worse. If one is really self confident one could go even a step further and see if their good nature can prevail upon others and change the attitude of the latter for better.