Just to laugh........!!!!!!

[Dr. Anandi Ramakrishnan]

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[FONT=&quot]A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale '

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Lab replies. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'

The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the

CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a

dog would be eavesdropping.'

'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any

younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious

characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.' 'I got married, had a mess of

puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

'Ten dollars,' the guy says.

'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that shit[/FONT][FONT=&quot].[/FONT][FONT=&quot]


[/FONT]

 

[Dr. Anandi Ramakrishnan]

​

1) BRAIN TUMOR:

Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumour.
Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)

Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you?
Mr. Bean: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?

Doctor: Then why are you so happy?
Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain!


2) MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL:

Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
Mr. Bean: 9

Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
Mr. Bean: Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!

3) WHILE IN A DRUG STORE:

Mr. Bean: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson.
Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?
Mr. Bean: Any will do, my grandson doesn't know the alphabet yet!!


5) Marriage:

Friend: How many women do you believe must a man marry?
Mr. Bean: 16

Friend: Why?
Mr. Bean: Because the priest says 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and 4worse.


6) CHATTING WITH HIS FRIEND:

Friend: How was the tape you borrowed from me, is it Ok?
Mr. Bean: What do you mean ok, I thought it's a horror film. I didn't see any picture.

Friend: What tape did you take anyway?
Mr. Bean: Head Cleaner.


7) DEATH OF HIS MOTHER:
Mr. Beancrying) the doctor called, Mom's dead.
Friend: condolence, my friend.

(After 2 minutes) Mr. Bean cries even louder
Friend: what now?

Mr. Bean: my sister just called, her mom died too!


8) MR. BEAN ATTENDING A MEETING:

Colleague: Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs because of a power failure.
Mr. Bean: That's alright, me too...I got stuck on the escalator for 3 hrs.


9) Spelling lesson:

Mr. Bean's Son: Dad, what is the spelling of successful....is it one c or two c?
Mr. Bean: Make it three c to be sure!

 

[somanathan Iyer]

nice jokes for a tired mind.

 

[Dr. Anandi Ramakrishnan]

nice jokes for a tired mind.

Thank you Sir... Anandi

 

[Dr. Anandi Ramakrishnan]

Just to laugh...!!!!

Two husbands were discussing their married lives. Although happily married, they admitted that there were arguments sometimes. Then the first man said, "I've made one great discovery. I now know how to always have the last word."

"Wow!" said the second, "how did you manage that?"

"It's easy," he replied. "My last word is always 'Yes, Dear.' "



His request approved, the photographer used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight. He was told a twin engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.

Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.

He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted. "Let's Go!" The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.

Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, "Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides."

"Why?", asked the pilot.

"Because I'm a photographer for Cable News, he responded, "and I need to get some close-up shots.

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment; finally, he stammered, "So what you're telling me is... you're NOT my flight instructor?"


A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen: "Careful. CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You`re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They`re going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you`re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don`t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What the heck is wrong with you? You think I don`t know how to fry a couple of eggs?" The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I`m driving."



A young man comes home and says "Dad, just got my driver`s license and would like to use the family car."

Father replies, :"O.K., son. But, first, you have to get good grades in school, keep your room clean, make the yard is neat, and cut your hair. Come back in a few months and then we`ll see."

Well, several months pass and the young man comes into the house with his report card in his hand. "Dad, I got great marks on my report card. I`ve been keeping my room as neat as a pin, and the yard is always ship-shape. How about letting me use the car?"

Father replies, "That`s all true, but son you didn`t cut your hair."

Son says, "But, dad, Jesus had long hair."

Father replies, "Yes, son, you`re perfectly right. And he walked everywhere he went."

 

[DrBarani]

Just read a great joke today and thought I will share it with you all -

Cow is a nonvegetarian!

Really! I read it one of the TB posts. I thought that post belonged to this thread (or the Kadi Jokes). So there!

 

[renuka]

just read a great joke today and thought i will share it with you all -

cow is a nonvegetarian!

really! I read it one of the tb posts. I thought that post belonged to this thread (or the kadi jokes). So there!

HOLY COW!!! That must be some Mad Cow!!

 

[Dr. Anandi Ramakrishnan]

[FONT=&quot]oh! Renu.... poor cow.. It may be suffering with [FONT=&quot]Alzheimer's disease[/FONT]. It is totally lapse of mind from its part[/FONT]

 

[renuka]

oh! Renu.... poor cow.. It may be suffering with Alzheimer's disease. It is totally lapse of mind from its part

No I havent done Lumbar Puncture for that Cow yet!! the Cow might ask me where I got my degree from.

 

[Dr. Anandi Ramakrishnan]

Just To Laugh....!!!!
[FONT=&quot] Once a boy was eating candies. a nearby man said: u should not eat to much [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]candies. it is harmful to u.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]boy said:uncle, do u know my grand paa is at the age of 102.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]man:surely coz he would not eat too much candies![/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]boy:no, he always minds his own business![/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]-----------------------------------------------------------------------------[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]1 day a girl got a note from her bf,[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]bf's noteur relationship is off could u send my pictures back?[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]D girl sent pile of pix of diff boys wid msg:[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]" I CANT RMEMBER WAT U LUK LYK COULD U PLZ TaKE UR PICs aND ReTURN D REST?"[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]-----------------------------------------------------------------------------[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]An engineering student to his sweeper brother: I have got degree, I have got [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]knowledge, I can sit in society. What do you have?[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Sweeper: I have the job[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]----------------------------------------------------------------------------[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Women and Magnet[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Magnets have a positive side![/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]----------------------------------------------------------------------------[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]What has one horn and gives milk?[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]A milk truck[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]-----------------------------------------------------------------------------[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Maths teacher asked RAJA : If u have 12 chocalate and u give 5 to PRIYA, 3 to [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]PINKY and 4 to SAPNA then wat will u get ? RAJA replied :Sir! 3 new girl [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]friends [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]-----------------------------------------------------------------------------[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]It's funny when people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE vs ARRANGED. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.[/FONT]

 

[Dr. Anandi Ramakrishnan]

No I havent done Lumbar Puncture for that Cow yet!! the Cow might ask me where I got my degree from.

It is ok... we will wait and watch... first observation then treatment. now you better concentrate and be busy there. We will face together this case later. I will be with you. just for a support. i am always with you. Love Anandi

 

[Dr. Anandi Ramakrishnan]

[FONT=&quot]3 PARROTS[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]A man wanted to buy his son a parrot as a birthday present.
The next day he went to the pet shop and saw three identical parrots in a cage.
He asked the clerk, "how much for the parrot on the right?[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The owner said it was Rs. 2500.
"Rs. 2500.", the man said. "Well what does he do?
"He knows how to use all of the functions of Microsoft Office 2000, responds the clerk.
"He can do all of your spreadsheets and type all of your letters."[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The man then asked what the second parrot cost.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The clerk replied, Rs. 5000, but he not only knows Office 2000,[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]but is an expert computer programmer.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Finally, the man inquired about the cost of the last parrot.
The clerk replied, "Rs. 10,000."
Curious as to how a bird can cost Rs. 10,000, the man asked what this bird's specialty was.
The clerk replies, "Well to be honest I haven't seen him do anything.[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]But the other two call him " BOSS"!![/FONT]

 

[Dr. Anandi Ramakrishnan]

[FONT=&quot]A phone bill came out exceptionally high. Big Dad, the head of household called an immediate meeting of the family.

Dad pleaded, "I do not use our phone unless someone calls at home. I use work phone for local, national and international phone calls."

The son explained, "Me too dad, I use my work phone, or borrow friends' phone but rarely call some one on our home phone"

The daughter said same thing. "Dad I am so busy with work and promotion that I always use work phone and rarely use home phone."

Mom was in line with others and said I use my work phone and never have time to use home phone."

They all looked to maid who was listening. The maid got annoyed and said I am no different and same way, "I work here and use my work phone."[/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]​

 

[Dr. Anandi Ramakrishnan]

[FONT=&quot]Interviewer : Tell me about yourself.
Candidate: I am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele Communication engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.

Interviewer : BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had never heard of this college before!
Candidate : Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an admission into it .
What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly! in 12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good college.
But my father said (I prefer to call him 'baap') - "I can not invest so much of money".(The baap actually said - "I
will never waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this college. Frankly speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be
related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya.

Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your engineering.
Candidate : Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you know, these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate. So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took 4 + 2 = 7 years.

Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.
Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot. I think they should ban it.

Interviewer : Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned.
Candidate : No, no... I am talking about Exams!!

Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?
Candidate : Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I would complete it. In fact, when i flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in BEST (Bus corporation in Maharashtra) through some relative.

Interviewer : Do you have any plans of higher study?
Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower' education itself was so much of pain!!

Interviewer : Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms have you worked?
Candidate : Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my current platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you can see I have experience of different platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are the places in Mumbai)

Interviewer : And which languages have you used?
Candidate : Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet in German, French, Russian and many other languages.

Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?
Candidate : It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a higher version than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up with a new language VD!

Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?
Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.

Interviewer : What is your general project experience?
Candidate : My general experience about projects is - most of th! e times they are in pipeline!

Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?
Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd. Since joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to think that Bench was another software like Windows.

Interviewer : Do you have any project management experience?
Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn't be difficult. I know Word and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to dial for International phone call and use speaker facility. And very important - I know few words like -

'SEI-CMM','quality','versioncontrol','deadlines' , 'Customer
Satisfaction' etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes!

Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?
Candidate : Not much.
1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.
2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.
3. I believe in flexi-timings.
4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear t-shirt and jeans.
5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so as to avoid breakdown due to overwork.
6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term preferably 1-2 months) assignments. Personally I prefervUS, Australia and Europe. But considering the fact that there is Olympics coming up in China in the current year, I don't mind going there in that period. As you can see I am modest and don't
have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?

Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. Welcome to INFOSYS.

The fellow was appointed in a newly created section 'Stress Management' in the HRD of Infosys.[/FONT]

 

[Dr. Anandi Ramakrishnan]

[TABLE="class: MsoNormalTable, width: 100%"]
[TR]
[TD="width: 100%"] [FONT=&quot]Listen before you speak....
Caller[/FONT][FONT=&quot] : Hi, our printer is not working.

Customer Service : What is wrong with it?

Caller : Mouse is jammed.

Customer Service : Mouse? Printers don't have a mouse you fool !

Caller : Mmmm? Oh really? I will send a picture, see idiot...[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]( it was really a mouse)[/FONT][FONT=&quot]

. . .

. . .

. . .

. . .

. . .
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]

[/FONT]
[/TD]
[/TR]
[/TABLE]
[FONT=&quot]Moral: Customer is always right. Listen him thoroughly and believe what he is saying.[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]

 

[Dr. Anandi Ramakrishnan]

[FONT=&quot]
A neighbor who Nasruddin didn't like very much came over to his compound one day. The neighbor asked Nasruddin if he could borrow his donkey. Nasruddin not wanting to lend his donkey to the neighbor he didn't like told him, "I would love to loan you my donkey but only yesterday my brother came from the next town to use it to carry his wheat to the mill to be grounded. The donkey sadly is not here."

The neighbor was disappointed. But he thanked Nasruddin and began to walk away.

Just as he got a few steps away, Mullah Nasruddin's donkey, which was in the back of his compound all the time, let out a big bray.

The neighbor turned to Nasruddin and said, "Mullah Sahib, I thought you told me that your donkey was not here.

Mullah Nasruddin turned to the neighbor and said, "My friend, who are you going to believe? Me or the donkey?[/FONT]

 

[Dr. Anandi Ramakrishnan]

One hot day, Nasruddin was taking it easy in the shade of a walnut tree. After a time, he started eying speculatively, the huge pumpkins growing on vines and the small walnuts growing on a majestic tree.

- Sometimes I just can't understand the ways of God! he mused. Just

fancy letting tinny walnuts grow on so majestic a tree and huge pumpkins on the delicate vines!



Just then a walnut snapped off and fell smack on Mullah Nasruddin's bald head. He got up at once and lifting up his hands and face to heavens in supplication, said:



- Oh, my God! Forgive my questioning your ways! You are all-wise. Where would I have been now, if pumpkins grew on trees!

 

[Dr. Anandi Ramakrishnan]

[FONT=&quot]
A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered
that she was out of credit; she instructed her son - to use his own phone
to pass across an urgent message to daddy who is at site.

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]After the son had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that it was
a lady that picked up daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching dad[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
on the mobile. (Women!!) She waited impatiently for her husband to return[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
from site, immediately she sighted him, she gave him a very hot slap, while
the man was trying to ask why? She repeated the slap, people from[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
neighborhood rushed around to know the cause of this.[/FONT][FONT=&quot]

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]The man asked [/FONT][FONT=&quot]his son[/FONT][FONT=&quot] to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he
called, son[/FONT][FONT=&quot] said……….. the number u are Trying To call Is not Reachable At[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
The Moment. Pls Try Again Later[/FONT]

 

[renuka]

A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered
that she was out of credit; she instructed her son - to use his own phone
to pass across an urgent message to daddy who is at site.

After the son had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that it was
a lady that picked up daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching dad
on the mobile. (Women!!) She waited impatiently for her husband to return
from site, immediately she sighted him, she gave him a very hot slap, while
the man was trying to ask why? She repeated the slap, people from
neighborhood rushed around to know the cause of this.

The man asked his son to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he
called, son said……….. the number u are Trying To call Is not Reachable At
The Moment. Pls Try Again Later

Dear Anandi,

You know when my son was aged 4 this happened when he tried to call my husband and my son was shouting on the phone saying "You give the phone to my appa..You give the phone to my appa..or I will tell my Amma"

I was wondering what was going on and he told me "Amma some woman is not giving the phone to Appa" and when i took the phone it was a female voice saying..."the number you have dialed is currently not reachable..please try again after sometime"

 

[valli]

Dear Anandi,

You know when my son was aged 4 this happened when he tried to call my husband and my son was shouting on the phone saying "You give the phone to my appa..You give the phone to my appa..or I will tell my Amma"

I was wondering what was going on and he told me "Amma some woman is not giving the phone to Appa" and when i took the phone it was a female voice saying..."the number you have dialed is currently not reachable..please try again after sometime"

That was a nice one Renu! I laughed on reading it more than the original joke itself!!! So... cute of your son!

Kind regards

 

[Dr. Anandi Ramakrishnan]

That was a nice one Renu! I laughed on reading it more than the original joke itself!!! So... cute of your son!

Kind regards

yes Valli, you are absolutely right... Children are innocent and true.. they always tell the truth. Bache mann k sache...Anandi

 

[Dr. Anandi Ramakrishnan]

Wonderful Definitions...

School​

A place where Parents pay and children play .

Life Insurance
A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

Nurse:
A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills .

Marriage
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters...

Divorce
Future tense of Marriage.

Tears
The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine water power...

Lecture
An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either" .

Conference
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Dictionary
A place where success comes before work.

Conference Room
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Father
A banker provided by nature.

Criminal
A person no different from the rest
....except that he/she got caught.

Boss
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician
One who shakes your hand before elections and
your Confidence after .

DOCTOR
A person who holds your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Classic
Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Smile
A curve that can set a lot of things straight .

Office
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc.
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience
The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb
An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher
A fool who torments himself during life, to be wise.

 

[Dr. Anandi Ramakrishnan]

Innocence at its best
A little boy, after being shouted at by his mom (sitting sadly)
​

Dad asked : "What happened son?" ​

Kid : "Dad, I can't handle your wife anymore! I want my own wife!"
​

 

[Dr. Anandi Ramakrishnan]

LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION


1 Trevor McDonalds, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work in his cubicle. Trevor works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Trevor never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Trevor is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Trevor can be
10 classed as a high-calibre employee, the type that cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I truly recommend that Trevor be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.


**Addendumhttp://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/enjoythemasti

The idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote this report. Now that he is gone,
kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.

 

[Dr. Anandi Ramakrishnan]

Sardar: I haven't slept all night in the train.
>Friend: Why?
>Sardar: Got upper berth.
>Friend: Why didn't u exchange?
>Sardar: Oye! There was nobody to exchange in the lower berth.