Marriage expenses of Tamil Brahmins

[kunjuppu]

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It is not just the girl's parents, it is often the girl herself. Her attitude is, "I am only getting married once (presumably), so why not make it a big once-in-a-lifetime occasion?" Or "My sister had a big wedding, so I should have a bigger wedding!"

And of course not just girls to blame. For the wedding of my brother-in-law, they (the boy's side) employed 4 photographers and 2 videographers! Not a joke! And that too for a middle-class family.

biswa, the sad fact, is these pix are seen a few times immediately after they are published. and then put away in a cupboard, and opened a few years later only to find them eaten up by book lice or silver fish

 

[tbs]

Oh yes! I forgot the photographer in my list!!

hi RR madam,

i have a dream....the boy and girl spend their own money for their own marriage.... both parents just witness and bless the couple...

without arguing each other....its should be arranged marriage.....mainly orphanage kids will be main invitees....nice food/cloth for

them.....blessings and best wishes from orphange children....should be a tambram wedding....IDHU EPPADI IRUKKU?...its just

my dream....

 

[Raji Ram]

Let your sweet dream come true, TBS Sir!

 

[tbs]

Let your sweet dream come true, TBS Sir!

hi

thanks madam.....

 

[renuka]

Dear RR ji,

Yesterday my cousin told me that her friend a Telugu girl was getting an arranged marriage with Telugu guy.
The Telugu guys parents told the girl that in their house..Tamil is not allowed to be spoken and she should only speak Telugu.

Now the problem is this girl does not know much Telugu but is fluent in Tamil and she is getting scared if her future in laws will find out she is not that fluent and prefers to speak Tamil.

So my cousin was telling me that her friend is afraid if she should actually get married to this guy.

I told my cousin tell your friend to get married to that guy and after marriage every 12 midnight sing this song and eventually MIL will get scared and allow Tamil to be spoken at home!

raa raa sarasaku rara
raa raa chentaku chaera
praName needira aelukoraa dora
swaasalo swaasavai raa raa


<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: arial; font-size: 12px; letter-spacing: 1px; background-color: rgb(252, 252, 252);">[video=youtube_share;SUjNPCi5GtY]http://youtu.be/SUjNPCi5GtY[/video]

 

[sarang]

As long as each side spend from their resources and do not demand anything from the other side, it is fine. Why restrictions on spending? We are not in emergency days or in dire penury.

Anyway, a simple temple wedding with limited guests is always available. Why or? donation to charity and feeding of orphanage kids can `be done without leaving out other planned actions. I prefer "and" to "or".

hi RR madam,

i have a dream....the boy and girl spend their own money for their own marriage.... both parents just witness and bless the couple...

without arguing each other....its should be arranged marriage.....mainly orphanage kids will be main invitees....nice food/cloth for

them.....blessings and best wishes from orphange children....should be a tambram wedding....IDHU EPPADI IRUKKU?...its just

my dream....

 

[tbs]

As long as each side spend from their resources and do not demand anything from the other side, it is fine. Why restrictions on spending? We are not in emergency days or in dire penury.

Anyway, a simple temple wedding with limited guests is always available. Why or? donation to charity and feeding of orphanage kids can `be done without leaving out other planned actions. I prefer "and" to "or".

hi sarang,

u know SEER AND ETHIR SEER in tambra weddings......these are mere ego practice.....in spending..where is lakshman rekha?....

any way i told....ITS MY DREAM.....MAY BE DAY DREAM....OR PAGAL KANAVU..... many weddings conducted with blessings of

famous acharyas....where VARA DAKSHINA WAS NOT SUPPOSE TO GIVEN/TAKEN ...BUT WHO CARES?.....

 

[sarang]

Varadakshinai is perhaps a lesser evil with tambrams. It is a big big evil in non brahmin communities. Many a time the distinction between, voluntarily given - forced to give, blurs. It is also not economic status dependent - rich also demand. Of course, one must dream and stick to his principles. Demand nothing, but allow others to follow their wishes.

 

[Raji Ram]

........... Anyway, a simple temple wedding with limited guests is always available. Why or? donation to charity and feeding of orphanage kids can `be done without leaving out other planned actions. I prefer "and" to "or".

Dear Sir,

The planned actions are done with utmost care whereas seldom the donations are thought of!! :sad:

Unless both the bride and groom's parties agree for a simple wedding and extra money for donation,

a good amount of donation it is not possible.

 

[prasad1]

As long as each side spend from their resources and do not demand anything from the other side, it is fine. Why restrictions on spending? We are not in emergency days or in dire penury.

Anyway, a simple temple wedding with limited guests is always available. Why or? donation to charity and feeding of orphanage kids can `be done without leaving out other planned actions. I prefer "and" to "or".

It is rare but I endorse this view whole heartedly. It is between the two sides, enjoy if you are invited.

 

[prasad1]

Varadakshinai is perhaps a lesser evil with tambrams. It is a big big evil in non brahmin communities. Many a time the distinction between, voluntarily given - forced to give, blurs. It is also not economic status dependent - rich also demand. Of course, one must dream and stick to his principles. Demand nothing, but allow others to follow their wishes.

Twice in row, I agree with this view.
Live, and let others live by their POV.

 

[sarang]

Donation is mindset. One will find resources if the will is there. Excess food because expected guests did not turn up, can be given, but to do it as an independent activity is also possible. To spend an additional one lakh when ten lakhs is spent on catering is not difficult. For many years, I spend my share of eating out in a restaurant (an average of rs 500 per occasion) on varkaris, old people, beggars and similar causes.

Dear Sir,

The planned actions are done with utmost care whereas seldom the donations are thought of!! :sad:

Unless both the bride and groom's parties agree for a simple wedding and extra money for donation,

a good amount of donation it is not possible.

 

[sathya_9]

thanks for showing interest in this thread..
sathyanarayanan

 

[tbs]

hi
atleast a lot of wastage food in lavish weddings....can be useful for orphanage......katti saadham is extra waste,,,,better fill orphan

stomach....its just my dreams....may not fit for everybody....somebody's medicine is somebody's poison....

 

[renuka]

Dear Sir,

The planned actions are done with utmost care whereas seldom the donations are thought of!! :sad:

Unless both the bride and groom's parties agree for a simple wedding and extra money for donation,

a good amount of donation it is not possible.

Dear RR ji,

Starting off a married life needs money..so best is to keep wedding simple and save the rest of the money for starting a home.

 

[psnarasimhan]

Not only kattu sadham is a waste but also the 4 or 5 varieties of tiffin being supplied before dinner. Instead a cup of hot tea or coffee may be offered upto 6 PM. and then a cup of appitiser.

 

[Raji Ram]

In Sing. Chennai we have to attend two or three weddings on the same day!

So we choose to eat tiffin in one wedding reception and skip dinner in the other!

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Renu,

In tambram weddings there is a list of 'angu maNi sAmAn'. The girl's parents give Sugar, rice and other provisions needed

for cooking for about a fortnight, all packed in pet jars of different sizes!

 

[sarang]

Really! If discussions in this forum are a guide, both the boy and the girl are well padded, have a well paying iT job, overflowing bank account, wallet full of credit, debit and value cards and carry goods worth a lakh+ (mobile, laptop etc.).

Even in the divyaprabhanda goshti, oldies use tattered xerox pages; youngsters use ebook readers, ipads and notes.

Instead of we advising parents what to do, it will be interesting to hear from a parent set and bride-groom set on the topic of splashing on a once-a-lifetime event (not fpor long!)

Our mad rush to the western model will soon lead to more than 50% ending in divorce, an average male and female having 4 or 5 partners in the active period. No prediction or forecasting is needed; as enough evidence is available.

Dear RR ji,

Starting off a married life needs money..so best is to keep wedding simple and save the rest of the money for starting a home.

 

[Raji Ram]

....... Our mad rush to the western model will soon lead to more than 50% ending in divorce, an average male and female having 4 or 5 partners in the active period. No prediction or forecasting is needed; as enough evidence is available.

Dear Sir,

At least for the sake of money spent in 'search' of the soul mate and gAlA wedding, the couple should not think of divorce!!
Now, the matrimony sites have different packages, the highest rate is for 'the wedding within one month'!! :faint:

 

[sneelakantan48]

Marriage expenses:

It is true that we waste considerable money in marriages, girl's side bearing the brunt of the expenses. Boy's side too spend money. Much of it is in jewellery, catering, dress for near relatives etc. Although dowry has practically disappeared from at least higher middle class TAMBRAMS, demand for jewellery has not vanished. It is not demanded directly but subtly.

These days people are not interested in lengthy rituals. Most people are interested in "reception" only. I think instead of wasting/spending money on lavish marriages, we should conduct simple marriage in the temple followed by a grand lunch. All the money saved can be given to the daughter in the form of a long term deposit. It will benefit all

 

[psnarasimhan]

Not only on lavish marriages but also we must restrict the betrothal to only our near and dear instead of spending huge amounts in celebrating the same in kalyana mandapams. This way we can definitely save a minimum one lakh rupees.

 

[Raji Ram]

Betrothal ceremony is arranged by groom's side and that is the occasion in which they show their money power!

My cousin sister bought a silk saree costing twenty two thousand rupees for her daughter for the betrothal ceremony

and the groom's side presented another saree costing twenty thousand to the bride to be! No one thought it was lavish!!

 

[psnarasimhan]

Betrothal ceremony is arranged by groom's side and that is the occasion in which they show their money power!

My cousin sister bought a silk saree costing twenty two thousand rupees for her daughter for the betrothal ceremony

and the groom's side presented another saree costing twenty thousand to the bride to be! No one thought it was lavish!!

Mam,
Do you think that this is not a waste of money. Is this the way groom's side show their MONEY POWER. If your answer is YES then God bless us all including the poor middle class. Since no one thought it was lavish, i think the gathering must belong to affluent class. Is the bride going to wear these costly sarees daily?

 

[sneelakantan48]

Not only on lavish marriages but also we must restrict the betrothal to only our near and dear instead of spending huge amounts in celebrating the same in kalyana mandapams. This way we can definitely save a minimum one lakh rupees.

Yes. Fully agree with you. We spend money on showing off rather than on needy things