Marriage expenses of Tamil Brahmins

[krish44]

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true. it varies by cases.

i have a cousin boy. father died early and he was brought up re education by uncle. who also married off his only sister and footed the bill.

now this boy married arranged. they went to live in the usa. the girl's mother was widowed early and the girl had two younger sibliings, sister and brother. with the boy's wages in the usa, the girl married off her sister, educated the brother, and built a nice house for the mother in chennai.

when she comes to chennai she does not even visit the mother in law, who is forced to live alone in palghat. she gets a few ruppees from relatives who stay there when visiting for the ther or ancestral temple. otherwise no income . the mother is too devastated to protest to the boy. the relatives have kept quiet.

or the hubby's sister. the cousin's wife has also brought up her two daughters to disdain hubby family.

our family, since on the receiving end, is aghast. but nothing can be said, as the cousin involved is completely under his wife's thumb.

what to do? you tell me man!!

in such cases going to courts is an option.One of my cousins served a legal notice on his son for not returning the money he spent on his engg education since he had daughters to marry off and son after his marriage refused to support his parents and siblings. ladies who encourage such acts from daughters do not realise that similar things could happen to them when when they reach old age. Looking at this issue from career girls point of view ,they require their mothers as domestic help at least for cooking and baby sitting for their children which they would not be able to make inlaws do that easily . in india brahmin cooks and good creches are just not available in large numbers New house expenditure sharing models other than pooling and spending have to evolve to enable both boy and the girl to meet the demands of extended families.Girls can use part of their income to support her family while son can fund his own family. both can maintain separate bank accounts and contribute some to take care of their monthly house running expenditure. Most middle class parents do not have sufficient funds to meet fully their needs after their retirement. there is hardly any social security worth boasting about.

 

[krish44]

the recent tambram weddings i attended are 50+ lakhs... very easy to add up: 18 lakhs for mandapam alone. and food. and entertainment 2 nights...not counting sari or jewellery cost. parents very proud and boastful to spend so much money.

my belief: love marriage? very good. you chose your spouse. you marry. you spend. i will give you a handsome gift. but it is your affair. that is what happend to my son. we love our son and dil.

but it was a quick affair at the city hall before a judge. just the parents were invited. their friends they had a party in a restaurant. when they came to our home, we invited 50 of our friends to meet n greet. the dil family had no celebration.

many relatives were upset. had it been for mrs K they would have been told and many would have come. but i prevailed. had brought up my children this way. let us see how it happens for my other two kids...

K saheb ,encourage love marriage excellent. there is nothing better than two adults deciding with whom they will spend their life with. such bonds will last longer. at least the marrying couple will not blame you if marriage sours for any reason
registrar/court marriage is overdoing it in my opinion
it would be a good idea to have a decent traditional wedding with some mantras thrown in and limited family friends and a decent reception for friends circle. It should keep everyone happy

 

[mkrishna100]

For those who want to keep the wedding ceremony simple but at the same time not compromise on the very essential fire rituals then the Arya Samaj way of wedding is the best .It is simple , traditional and easy to be arranged and conducted .

In India, the wedding rituals and traditions are mainly based on religion or society. The community only decides the kind of wedding ceremony that a couple would have. The Arya Samaj people in India don`t believe in the grand and elaborate rituals of the Hindu wedding function. For them who are not so particular about their religion and community a special community wedding is conducted that is not so strict in its rituals and customs but also based on particular Vedic rites and rituals. An Arya Samaj wedding can also be blended with any other Hindu community wedding. Swami Dayanand Saraswathi founded that Arya Samaj and the weddings in this society are performed according to the Vedic rites. According to the belief the Arya Samaj conducts weddings only for Hindus, but in case of non-Hindus who want to have an Arya Samaj wedding can get married according to the Arya Samaj traditions. In these types of marriages, they have to be transformed through a practice called `Shuddhi` meaning purification. The main rituals of the Arya Samaj weddings are as follows: Madhuparka - This is the ritual, where the bride and the groom arrive at the venue of the wedding and the groom partakes of `Madhuparka`. It is a mixture of honey, curds and cream. The bride offers the groom water three times, which he sprinkles on his feet, over his body and drinks it the third time. Similarly, the groom also follows this ritual. This ritual denotes the announcement of their journey into a happy married life. The Arya Samaj wedding ceremony is performed in front of the fire along with other elements as the witnesses. They don`t believe in idol worshipping. In an Arya Samaj wedding the mantras are translated into a language that the couple can understand, thus making the wedding ceremony all the more special as the couple can relate themselves to the meaning and significance of the wedding mantras. This wedding is different from the customary Hindu wedding in the sense that it does not involves elaborate rituals and the ceremony not for a long period of time. Simplicity is the central spirit of Arya Samaj wedding. The wedding ceremony lasts for an hour or so and the wedding expense is very low as compared to the usual traditional Hindu wedding. One of the basic rules of the Arya Samaj is that it conducts marriages exceptionally for Hindus, since the movement`s founder Maharishi Dayanand Saraswati sincerely believed Hinduism to be the `original` religion and that conversions reflected the spread of other religions from Hinduism. If in case a couple belonging to religions other than Hinduism wish to get married under the patronage of Arya Samaj, they first have to be converted by "shuddhi".

[TD="class: welcome1, colspan: 2"] Arya Samaj Marrige Rituals Welcome to Nirvana
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[krish44]

For those who want to keep the wedding ceremony simple but at the same time not compromise on the very essential fire rituals then the Arya Samaj way of wedding is the best .It is simple , traditional and easy to be arranged and conducted .

acceptability of aryasamaj is not much in south
however ,reducing some rituals [prohithar will skip some mantras and ,reduce his work if you request him] is definitely feasible. of course the marrying couple will be in front of fire in this case also and tie the thali.

 

[renuka]

FYI, I don't buy expensive sarees for Diwali and wedding anniversary!

Dear RR ji,

You are like me...I dont buy expensive sarees cos it can be expensive and also once you wear it you can not wear it again cos people do notice if we are wearing the same saree..once at a wedding one distant relative asked me 'I thought you wore this same saree before when I saw you at a different wedding"

I was wondering..how on earth can people remember all these details..but some do!

 

[sarang]

Vanity, thy name is woman. In hollywood parties and jane austin balls, new dress and gowns are compulsory, with added planning thrown in.

I really wonder how my mother manage - with limited pattu pudavai, lots of functions to attend - local as well as non local. And for all religious ceremonies.

Dear RR ji,

You are like me...I dont buy expensive sarees cos it can be expensive and also once you wear it you can not wear it again cos people do notice if we are wearing the same saree..once at a wedding one distant relative asked me 'I thought you wore this same saree before when I saw you at a different wedding"

I was wondering..how on earth can people remember all these details..but some do!

 

[sarang]

Steel tycoon lakshmi mittal's brother to spend over 50 million euro for his daughter's wedding in barcelona; attended by select 500 guests (who signed a confidentiality clause) and 200 chefs from india and thailand.

 

[renuka]

Vanity, thy name is woman. In hollywood parties and jane austin balls, new dress and gowns are compulsory, with added planning thrown in.

I really wonder how my mother manage - with limited pattu pudavai, lots of functions to attend - local as well as non local. And for all religious ceremonies.

Dear Sarang ji,

Even most men do not wear the same outfit for even a medical meeting.

Its not vanity but a part of life and work these days.

Further more at medical meets sometimes we are asked to pose for photographs etc and these pics appear in medical magazines..so surely one needs to look good.

If its going to be big time conference where we might meet corporate clients I usually go shopping for a new outfit...Image is important...we never know who will we meet and how first impressions count especially when we want to promote our medical business to the corporate sector.

 

[krish44]

Vanity, thy name is woman. In hollywood parties and jane austin balls, new dress and gowns are compulsory, with added planning thrown in.

I really wonder how my mother manage - with limited pattu pudavai, lots of functions to attend - local as well as non local. And for all religious ceremonies.

sarang ji silk sarees are the most desired possessions of a majority of south indian ladies .no auspicious event is complete without purchase and display of silk sarees. it would be unwise for men to comment on this delicate subject .Secret of successful married life lies in not raising the doubt
whether more of this apparel should be got for women folk and buy it for them without raising your voice and acting very happy about it

 

[Iyyarooraan]

Those who have to and those who can, can please themselves. The unfortunate part is the less fortunate die to ape them. The piece of ads kicks the asinine minds of a large few. The costly saris look good but the personality of the wearer can sober the sari as well as the onlooker. You can say 'personality betrays'.

 

[weblogic]

Atleast in the good old days the silk sarees which were bought have provided the reveue to beholder after all these years as an investment even after its torn but whata about the highly expensive clothing of today. I am sure this cannot be redeemed or recycled for anything valuable?
Same is applicable to most of olden days "seer" but what is provided the fancy ones will it stand the ravines of time is another question?

 

[kunjuppu]

Steel tycoon lakshmi mittal's brother to spend over 50 million euro for his daughter's wedding in barcelona; attended by select 500 guests (who signed a confidentiality clause) and 200 chefs from india and thailand.

this is a sin.

 

[sneelakantan48]

k. saheb you have got me on this one. we should discuss what does taking care mean. If it means subsidising their separate living with doles or helping them for medical care or adding to their pensions for a decent lifestyle.or similar things it appears ok. If it is girls intent to insist'in case you love me love my parents also and push them on the groom soon after marriage they create problems. I have heard of girl asking the boys if they have baggage meaning boys parents to carry after marriage, this is the new age tamil brahmin girl.they come with ideas of weaning the boy away from his parents immediately after marriage , Girls parents specially mothers are solely the culprits encoraging their daughters in this couse of action. property is something parents of the boy have bought thru hard work and sacrifices and they would like to pass it on to their children after their demise and not for hosting sambandhis who have not cared to live life properly and after retirement hoping to live off others including daughters . These girls after after playing games to separate boy from his parents play smart .and In some cases exploit their own parents after they have moved in with them and make them do domestic work and look after their children when they go to work place to chase their career dreams. this is the reality middle class parents with career minded girls and with low pensions have to face. I have seen this happening in innumerable brahmin homes over the last few years

Dear Krish44: What you say is not always true with one or two exceptions. These days children like to live separately. In many cases, work compels them to live separately. Nuclear family is the in thing these days. Again, not all the parents of the girl prefer to live at the mercy of their daughter nor live with them nor accept anything from them.

 

[Raji Ram]

.......... I really wonder how my mother manage - with limited pattu pudavai, lots of functions to attend - local as well as non local. And for all religious ceremonies.

All of us manage with limited pattu sarees, Sir! Just don't worry about the 'REPEAT'!

I buy fancy poly silk sarees in the range of 250 to 600 and they look as grand as the silk saree

if the combination is good and if we make tassels in the pallu! :thumb:

 

[Raji Ram]

Vanity, thy name is woman. .........

Please do not generalize Sir!

There are many exceptions like me!! :lol:

 

[biswa]

I dont think he is saying that all women are vain, but that all who are vain are women!

But that is not true either given how many male members of this forum praise their own looks, their own hair etc. Maybe they have a female streak in them?

 

[sarang]

Certainly not.

this is a sin.

 

[tbs]

this is a sin.

HI

this is not sin ...its more personal choice.....ultimately the gal's parents choice in upper class,,,, if this is sin.....there was

wedding in tamil nadu conducted by jj some years back....the citizen's tax money was used in that wedding.....then what is called

this?...

 

[sarang]

This is ticklish and difficult question to answer. Whenever a senior politician, in theis case, cm, is invited or connected with a function, there is lot of active involvement from various departments of the government and the police. Finally what is the outflow from the treasury decides direct public expenditure. Of course, the ministers, bureaucrats and party officials manage to find many sponsors - hall, eats, decoration, gifts for attendees - and this cannot be counted as public expenditure (of course the sponsors will be reimbursed in some other form!) I am not sure when obama goes on a holiday does he spend from his pocket. It is not expected or necessary.

When narendra modi chose a five star convention centre with air conditioned halls for a sadbhavana fast couple of years ago, the media literally pounced on him for the extravagance. Modi's reply, which stitched the lips of the media - suno bhai, if the function is arranged in a ground, cost of putting up the pandal, providing facilities - seating, toilets, water, decoration etc. will cost around 20 lakh. The convention centre with all facilities was hired for 7 lakhs. Air conditioning came with the auditorium. Abi bolo, tik hai ya nahin.

HI
wedding in tamil nadu conducted by jj some years back....the citizen's tax money was used in that wedding.....then what is called

this?...

 

[Nara]

HI

this is not sin ...its more personal choice.....

If it is not, shame on religion, it should be one ....

 

[kunjuppu]

HI

this is not sin ...its more personal choice.....ultimately the gal's parents choice in upper class,,,, if this is sin.....there was

wedding in tamil nadu conducted by jj some years back....the citizen's tax money was used in that wedding.....then what is called

this?...

two sins do not make one right. two crimes do not cancel each other.

what mittal did was wrong. he could have set a good example donated $50 million in setting up scholarships and charity funds..all in the name of the couple. today's stupid rich parents think that splurging money for their children marriage is a sign of proving success. to me it is only a sign of arrogance and stupdity. sorry to say this.

 

[krish44]

two sins do not make one right. two crimes do not cancel each other.

what mittal did was wrong. he could have set a good example donated $50 million in setting up scholarships and charity funds..all in the name of the couple. today's stupid rich parents think that splurging money for their children marriage is a sign of proving success. to me it is only a sign of arrogance and stupdity. sorry to say this.

we middle classes have a value system which make us view certain actions as sin and others as noble . . we think of classifying the actions of the affluent and powerful as paapa and punya applying our standards of ethical behaviour.when the affluent and powerful organise an event they hardly think of such things .splurging of money which is either not theirs or easily earned is part of their normal day to day living and they do not attach any importance to the views of other classes of society.poor might feel the same way when middle class spend a few lakhs on marriage which they might consider high. do we change our lifestyle depending on how the poor feel about our lifestyle

 

[jaisiyaraam]

Namaste kunjuppu ji and Nara ji,

...he could have set a good example donated $50 million in setting up scholarships and charity funds...today's stupid rich parents think that splurging money for their children marriage is a sign of proving success. to me it is only a sign of arrogance and stupdity. sorry to say this.

I am confused, are you against the amount of money spent (on marriage or any other activity) ? or are you against celebrating marriage ceremony ? or are you against celebrating any event approved by religion ? or are you against celebrating family events publicly ? or are you against celebrating events that YOU interpret as sign of proving success ?

I am really confused, you mean you have donated the money, that you would have spent on a Jim Beam/Johnny Walker/VSOP/Star Bucks/Sharavana Bhavan coffee, in setting up scholarships and charity funds? by drinking country made cheap liqour/home made coffee ? or altogether not drinking liqour/coffee at all ?

I am confused where does WASTAGE of money start and where should it end?

I believe you agree that the same thing applies to YOU from any other person's perspective too ie that you are wasting money by spending on watching movies Blu Ray movies on Ultra HDTV, visiting Temples every weekend in Luxurious car, offering ghee rich costly prasadam, living in a well furnished home in decent neighbourhood, taking kids to Disney land, gifting Victoria Secrete to GFs/Wife etc., affording to have more than one child, sending kids to a decent school, buying/wearing Armani/Gucci/Polo/Arrow/Banana Republic/Raymonds clothes just as a sign of proving success

I am apologize in advance, I am not attributing anything negative to YOU.
All I am trying to say is AMOUNT/QUANTITY/CHARITY is a perspective ie relative term.
There is always a person that is earning/spending less than what YOU have.

****I am sorry by stressing on the word YOU, I mean people that share this kind of opinion, I am sincerely not making comments on you both. I have lot of respect to both of you and I am always eagerly following your posts.***

Also, I am sorry if I have misinterpreted your posts.

I my honest opinion, what&how&why one lives/builds a family/eats/wears/celebrates is a personal affair.

Thanks,
Jai SiyaRaam

 

[Nara]

Namaste kunjuppu ji and Nara ji,

I am confused, are you against the amount of money spent (on marriage or any other activity) ? or are you against celebrating marriage ceremony ? or are you against celebrating any event approved by religion ? or are you against celebrating family events publicly ? or are you against celebrating events that YOU interpret as sign of proving success ?

jaisiyaraam -- k saw sin in the extravagant expenditure, and my dear brother sternly pointed out it is no sin to spend money, any amount of money. "Sin" is a religious concept. Religions have listed lots of silly things as "sins". Given this reality, for this kind of glutenous consumption being "certainly" not a sin is really a shame on these religions.

It is amazing that so many people swear by this crony capitalist system in which there are literally hundreds of millions of people, if not billions of people, who work hard everyday and are unable to live with even a minimal level of dignity, yet there are these super-rich who have amassed so much wealth that spending 50 million euros on a wedding is nothing for them.

 

[prasad1]

I am for individual privacy. If laws of the land are not broken, and there is no outside pressure, what one does in their private life should not bother others. If someone wants to spend extravagantly on a wedding, birthday, or any other even it can be news item, but others do not have the right to judge them.

If promode Mittal spends billions, it is his prerogative, one can be envious that they did not make the list, but is of concern to him alone.