I received this in an e-mail from a friend. I can easily identify with the sentiment.
Please note – The Self, Parents, Grand-parents are representative
Brahmin characters of 3 generations below.
It does not reflect ME or my predecessors entirely.
WITH MALICE TOWARDS NONE.....
· My great grand-father never went to coffee hotel. My
grand-father secretly went to the coffee hotel. My father openly went
to hotel on need basis. I go to hotel everyday for survival; sometimes
to Velu military hotel too! So what?
· My great grand-father never tasted coffee. My grand-father
started having coffee and devised a style for Kumbakonam coffee. My
father has 4 cups a day and gets head-ache (read as addiction to
caffeine) if he misses the turns. He takes tea too. I take all forms
of drinks now! So what?
· My great grand-father piously did 3 times Sandhi. My
grand-father at least did once a day, and sometimes more than that. My
father rarely did Gayatri. But, catches up once a day Sandyavandhanam,
after retirement. I don’t know to do Sandyavandhanam. So what?
· My grand-father had no hesitations in saying “Abhivadhayae”
in public when he saw elders. My father knew it, but never displayed
it as obedience to elders, in public. Probably, he found that practice
embarrassing. I neither know Abhivadhayae, nor care about it! So what?
· When Kingdoms existed, probably Royal families endorsed
Brahmins and supported them. My great grand-father either was ringing
bell in one of the sanctum-sanctorum or helping the Brahmin and Royal
community conduct Hindu rituals. Today, Kingdom doesn’t exist and
Brahmins rendering such service are rare; those who render such
service do it for a big fee. So what?
· Today’s Sastrigal don’t do Sandhi regularly and do not
follow Brahminical norms. They treat their work as job and recite &
conduct rituals and go; sometimes cut it short, if they know, we don’t
know! They treat their appearance, with small tuft of late, as their
dress code only and carry no sanctity. They eat in hotels and chew
paan/gutka. Some are regulars in TASMAC shops too. This is being
treated now as a profession and not service. So what? I have
hesitation in calling them and even if I do, have reservations in
falling at their feet. So what?
· My great grand-father was sporting a tuft and shaved his
beard clean. My grand-father removed the tuft and sported a
cropped-hair but still was clean shaven. My father sported a moustache
with a loose cut during his younger days. I sport a Goatee and
sometimes a full beard; I color my hair black routinely. Some of those
bald headed Brahmins, sport a wig even. So what?
· My grand-mother showed perfect obedience to her in-laws,
despite her in-laws and naathanaar tortures. My mother showed little
restraint and moved away decade later. My wife and I started our
family as “Thani kudithanam” from Day 1. When I search alliance for my
son, I will tell them openly during engagement, to move away after
marriage. I will start looking for an old-age home for myself. I know,
what is sent, comes back!
· My father prostrated without hesitations to elders. I do it
when insisted by my parents. My children will never do it. So what?
· When my parents come to my home, they are not welcomed.
Years later, when they departed, my wife asked me to observe
Mahaalayapaksha for Pitrus, as we think that our good place in heaven
is linked to it! So what? So will my son and daughter or may not be
too.. So what?
· My grand-parents kept ancestral names to my father. My
father kept my name as Suresh, Ramesh, Mahesh etc for fancy. I keep my
wards name as Akil, Nikil, Tejas, Shreyas etc for easy pronunciation
and corporate appeal. My son will keep his children’s name as
Bob-balsu, Sherin Shriya, Tony Tarun, Mohd Mahesh for universal appeal
depending on whether he is in USA/Europe or Middle-east. So what?
· My Children dislike using words like “Avaa, Ivaa, Aathukku,
Poraelaa, Varaelaa, Jalam / Thootham, etc.” and they shifted to
non-brahminical language like “Veedu, Thanni, Poriyal etc”. So what?
· We don’t like kids addressing us as Maamaa/Mami etc.
Uncle/Aunty sounds better to us. Most of this generation don’t want to
use words like Authukaarar/Aathukaari (not regularly, as a rare quote
too). We don’t know the meaning of Orpudi, naathanaar, Shuddagarr etc.
So what?
· My great grand-mother never uttered my great grand-father’s
name. My grand-mother sometimes called my grand-father as “Indha
Brahmanan” during distress. My mother had no hesitation in telling my
father’s name but called him “Vaango, Pongo”. My wife calls me by name
and “vaada, podaa” more to prove some point than a necessity. So what?
· The age difference between Brahmin couples has narrowed down
since ages. I also see some marriages where the boy is younger than
the girl. So what?
· Marriages were for the keeps during my grand-parent’s times.
My father’s days, one or two marriages ended up in divorce and they
were treated as social out-caste. Today, if slightly provoked, people
go to family courts. My son and daughter may go for pre-nuptial
agreement and courtships. So what?
· Brahmin Society pushed my grand-father to the city for
survival. It pushed my father to other states in India. Society pushed
me outside the country and told me to go to the “U.S.A”. If I did not,
the Brahmin society ridiculed me as incompetent. My son and daughter
wants to stay in the “U.S.A” and most likely will get me a “Durai or
Durasaani” as Mappilai or Maatuponnu. So what?
· My great grand-father never ate in a marriage hall as the
food was prepared by a parjaaragun. My grand-father ate, but my
grand-mother stayed away and prepared her food in “kumutti-aduppu”
along with few others of her age and ate “madi saappadu”. My father
ate in Brahmin and non-Brahmin marriages but stayed Vegetarian. I eat
in all marriages and don’t hesitate to eat “all” types of food
outside! My son would prepare non-veg at home. So what?
· My grand-mother strictly followed madi and aachaara
(Yechall, Patthhu etc). She will ask me to help her to pull out one of
the madi saree from the Kodi with a stick and give it to her (on the
stick) after her bath. My mother knew such practices but never
followed. My wife does not know it. So what?
· My grand-mother stayed in kollaipuram with insects bites,
scary thoughts, weird sounds during her menses period. People cruelly
sent her to the backyard, 3 days a month. My mother was inside the
house in the city but was in a different room. My wife and I live in
apartment and stay side-by-side all the days. So what?
· My grand-father was respected as “Iyeru” by kudiyanavan. My
father was ignored by them as Kudiyanavan’s children started studying.
I studied and work with some of them. When I was young, they made fun
of me as “Iyeru dei”. And teased me and my language. I never reacted
to them; I just bent my head when such things happened. My son is not
and will not be aware of such changes and differences. So what?
· My grand-father married the girl, whom my great grand-father
pointed (and the girl did the same too on her side). He or she had no
choice. My father had the option to see the girls that my grand-father
showed. I selected my wife from matrimony sites; the families not
known to each other in any ways. My son and daughter will select
partner from Coffee shop, DATING sites and courtship. So what?
· Today most Brahmin family (or their cousins) has some
non-Brahmin daughter or son-in-law. Tomorrow, we may start selecting
boy and girl from other communities too. So what?
· My great grand-father went to Kaasi, learnt Vedas and
carried out Purohitham as his profession or brahminical service. He
was living in penury, with kings not there to support such people!
Brahmin society made fun of him as “Yezhai Sastry”. My grand-father
took up government job and my father became a graduate and worked
for a private firm. I did B.Tech & MBA and work for a Global MNC. We
have moved away from the laid out Brahminical norms slowly and
steadily through generations. So what?
Today, all of us call ourselves as “Traditional, Conservative but yet
Modern upbringing”, especially when searching for alliances. I don’t
know what exactly this means. But, I think, this is an inference of
the above summary. If it is, I am one among them too.
I see quite a few elders (must be retired Senior bankers, Government
servants or retired from MNC and definitely not true Sastrigal)
advising youngsters not to go after money but to tread in Brahminical
path. With due respects to them, I see lots of hypocrisy in their
statements. They played the role described as a Father in the previous
summary. I would ask all the elders to take the quote from poet
Kannadasan before advising others. In all of Kannadasan’s books
(especially “Arthamulla Indu madham”) he states on the first page, “I
have lived my life, in ways it should not have been lived. I have the
right to tell others, how life should be lived”.
Most often, we advise others what we never practiced. I feel I am not
worthy enough to advise anybody; so are others! Brahmins have changed;
so did our customs and practices. Our Children inherit from us. They
just echo what we did earlier, but more loudly.
I don’t know if such changes are some kind of progression or erosion
of Brahmin values and ethos. It is arguable whether this is good or
bad. Whatever it is, I am part of it and hence a catalyst. If I want
things to change, I need to change first.
Ummacchi Kanna Kuthum.............
*Thank you!*
**
With warm regards
Please note – The Self, Parents, Grand-parents are representative
Brahmin characters of 3 generations below.
It does not reflect ME or my predecessors entirely.
WITH MALICE TOWARDS NONE.....
· My great grand-father never went to coffee hotel. My
grand-father secretly went to the coffee hotel. My father openly went
to hotel on need basis. I go to hotel everyday for survival; sometimes
to Velu military hotel too! So what?
· My great grand-father never tasted coffee. My grand-father
started having coffee and devised a style for Kumbakonam coffee. My
father has 4 cups a day and gets head-ache (read as addiction to
caffeine) if he misses the turns. He takes tea too. I take all forms
of drinks now! So what?
· My great grand-father piously did 3 times Sandhi. My
grand-father at least did once a day, and sometimes more than that. My
father rarely did Gayatri. But, catches up once a day Sandyavandhanam,
after retirement. I don’t know to do Sandyavandhanam. So what?
· My grand-father had no hesitations in saying “Abhivadhayae”
in public when he saw elders. My father knew it, but never displayed
it as obedience to elders, in public. Probably, he found that practice
embarrassing. I neither know Abhivadhayae, nor care about it! So what?
· When Kingdoms existed, probably Royal families endorsed
Brahmins and supported them. My great grand-father either was ringing
bell in one of the sanctum-sanctorum or helping the Brahmin and Royal
community conduct Hindu rituals. Today, Kingdom doesn’t exist and
Brahmins rendering such service are rare; those who render such
service do it for a big fee. So what?
· Today’s Sastrigal don’t do Sandhi regularly and do not
follow Brahminical norms. They treat their work as job and recite &
conduct rituals and go; sometimes cut it short, if they know, we don’t
know! They treat their appearance, with small tuft of late, as their
dress code only and carry no sanctity. They eat in hotels and chew
paan/gutka. Some are regulars in TASMAC shops too. This is being
treated now as a profession and not service. So what? I have
hesitation in calling them and even if I do, have reservations in
falling at their feet. So what?
· My great grand-father was sporting a tuft and shaved his
beard clean. My grand-father removed the tuft and sported a
cropped-hair but still was clean shaven. My father sported a moustache
with a loose cut during his younger days. I sport a Goatee and
sometimes a full beard; I color my hair black routinely. Some of those
bald headed Brahmins, sport a wig even. So what?
· My grand-mother showed perfect obedience to her in-laws,
despite her in-laws and naathanaar tortures. My mother showed little
restraint and moved away decade later. My wife and I started our
family as “Thani kudithanam” from Day 1. When I search alliance for my
son, I will tell them openly during engagement, to move away after
marriage. I will start looking for an old-age home for myself. I know,
what is sent, comes back!
· My father prostrated without hesitations to elders. I do it
when insisted by my parents. My children will never do it. So what?
· When my parents come to my home, they are not welcomed.
Years later, when they departed, my wife asked me to observe
Mahaalayapaksha for Pitrus, as we think that our good place in heaven
is linked to it! So what? So will my son and daughter or may not be
too.. So what?
· My grand-parents kept ancestral names to my father. My
father kept my name as Suresh, Ramesh, Mahesh etc for fancy. I keep my
wards name as Akil, Nikil, Tejas, Shreyas etc for easy pronunciation
and corporate appeal. My son will keep his children’s name as
Bob-balsu, Sherin Shriya, Tony Tarun, Mohd Mahesh for universal appeal
depending on whether he is in USA/Europe or Middle-east. So what?
· My Children dislike using words like “Avaa, Ivaa, Aathukku,
Poraelaa, Varaelaa, Jalam / Thootham, etc.” and they shifted to
non-brahminical language like “Veedu, Thanni, Poriyal etc”. So what?
· We don’t like kids addressing us as Maamaa/Mami etc.
Uncle/Aunty sounds better to us. Most of this generation don’t want to
use words like Authukaarar/Aathukaari (not regularly, as a rare quote
too). We don’t know the meaning of Orpudi, naathanaar, Shuddagarr etc.
So what?
· My great grand-mother never uttered my great grand-father’s
name. My grand-mother sometimes called my grand-father as “Indha
Brahmanan” during distress. My mother had no hesitation in telling my
father’s name but called him “Vaango, Pongo”. My wife calls me by name
and “vaada, podaa” more to prove some point than a necessity. So what?
· The age difference between Brahmin couples has narrowed down
since ages. I also see some marriages where the boy is younger than
the girl. So what?
· Marriages were for the keeps during my grand-parent’s times.
My father’s days, one or two marriages ended up in divorce and they
were treated as social out-caste. Today, if slightly provoked, people
go to family courts. My son and daughter may go for pre-nuptial
agreement and courtships. So what?
· Brahmin Society pushed my grand-father to the city for
survival. It pushed my father to other states in India. Society pushed
me outside the country and told me to go to the “U.S.A”. If I did not,
the Brahmin society ridiculed me as incompetent. My son and daughter
wants to stay in the “U.S.A” and most likely will get me a “Durai or
Durasaani” as Mappilai or Maatuponnu. So what?
· My great grand-father never ate in a marriage hall as the
food was prepared by a parjaaragun. My grand-father ate, but my
grand-mother stayed away and prepared her food in “kumutti-aduppu”
along with few others of her age and ate “madi saappadu”. My father
ate in Brahmin and non-Brahmin marriages but stayed Vegetarian. I eat
in all marriages and don’t hesitate to eat “all” types of food
outside! My son would prepare non-veg at home. So what?
· My grand-mother strictly followed madi and aachaara
(Yechall, Patthhu etc). She will ask me to help her to pull out one of
the madi saree from the Kodi with a stick and give it to her (on the
stick) after her bath. My mother knew such practices but never
followed. My wife does not know it. So what?
· My grand-mother stayed in kollaipuram with insects bites,
scary thoughts, weird sounds during her menses period. People cruelly
sent her to the backyard, 3 days a month. My mother was inside the
house in the city but was in a different room. My wife and I live in
apartment and stay side-by-side all the days. So what?
· My grand-father was respected as “Iyeru” by kudiyanavan. My
father was ignored by them as Kudiyanavan’s children started studying.
I studied and work with some of them. When I was young, they made fun
of me as “Iyeru dei”. And teased me and my language. I never reacted
to them; I just bent my head when such things happened. My son is not
and will not be aware of such changes and differences. So what?
· My grand-father married the girl, whom my great grand-father
pointed (and the girl did the same too on her side). He or she had no
choice. My father had the option to see the girls that my grand-father
showed. I selected my wife from matrimony sites; the families not
known to each other in any ways. My son and daughter will select
partner from Coffee shop, DATING sites and courtship. So what?
· Today most Brahmin family (or their cousins) has some
non-Brahmin daughter or son-in-law. Tomorrow, we may start selecting
boy and girl from other communities too. So what?
· My great grand-father went to Kaasi, learnt Vedas and
carried out Purohitham as his profession or brahminical service. He
was living in penury, with kings not there to support such people!
Brahmin society made fun of him as “Yezhai Sastry”. My grand-father
took up government job and my father became a graduate and worked
for a private firm. I did B.Tech & MBA and work for a Global MNC. We
have moved away from the laid out Brahminical norms slowly and
steadily through generations. So what?
Today, all of us call ourselves as “Traditional, Conservative but yet
Modern upbringing”, especially when searching for alliances. I don’t
know what exactly this means. But, I think, this is an inference of
the above summary. If it is, I am one among them too.
I see quite a few elders (must be retired Senior bankers, Government
servants or retired from MNC and definitely not true Sastrigal)
advising youngsters not to go after money but to tread in Brahminical
path. With due respects to them, I see lots of hypocrisy in their
statements. They played the role described as a Father in the previous
summary. I would ask all the elders to take the quote from poet
Kannadasan before advising others. In all of Kannadasan’s books
(especially “Arthamulla Indu madham”) he states on the first page, “I
have lived my life, in ways it should not have been lived. I have the
right to tell others, how life should be lived”.
Most often, we advise others what we never practiced. I feel I am not
worthy enough to advise anybody; so are others! Brahmins have changed;
so did our customs and practices. Our Children inherit from us. They
just echo what we did earlier, but more loudly.
I don’t know if such changes are some kind of progression or erosion
of Brahmin values and ethos. It is arguable whether this is good or
bad. Whatever it is, I am part of it and hence a catalyst. If I want
things to change, I need to change first.
Ummacchi Kanna Kuthum.............
*Thank you!*
**
With warm regards
