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What to look for in a bride - I am an Iyer boy

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Hi Renuka,

No need to get emotional or angry. If you want to OR donot want to compare, it is your choice.

Out of a list of prospective life partners, people will automaticallychoose those with similar characteristics. that's the limited point here.

Since you chose to compare yourself with your mother, letme comment here.

Your answers should be limited to the way people behavewithin a relationship, not with the external world.

Outspoken or docile is to be compared within therelationship, not about public speaking skills etc..

for eg, within the 2 people in a relation, who is moreoutspoken or docile comparatively. Similarly who is dominant & who is thefollower in “that” relationship.

Cheers,
 
krish44 said:
males are also humanbeings like you with similar wants and desires in marriage may be with minor

differences
Click to expand...

I know males are also human like me....but it is just that I dont want to imagine being a male cos male cant wear lipstick, high heel shoes and males cant afford to act dumb.

Being a female...I have the greatest advantage of playing dumb sometimes.

You want to see me playing dumb?

Check out my posts tomorrow!LOL
 
SIYER said:
Hi,

I open this thread for some senior as well as recently married boys to give their opinion on what to look for in a bride.

My parents are currently looking for a bride for me from the Iyer (Kerala) community. My family is reasonably well-to-do. I look handsome and very fair, as per general public.

What is important?


  • Should the bride be beautiful or just homely and presentable
  • Should I attach any importance to the girl's family's financial status.. Would it affect my and my wife's life if her parents are a little low in the financial security? For e.g. no own house; no decent income
  • My parents (I can see in a discreet way) have presently been considering a girl who is a little brownish but homely and presentable, reasonably educated but from a struggling family, very simple and residing in a rental house. My Parents are shortly going to ask my opinion on this girl before they take it forward, hence my question. They obviously consider such a girl is the most suitable to our family..
  • I don't have any opinion now, but would like to know from you seniors please...
Click to expand...
today is another day
relecting on your parents choice

a homely girl coming from a financially not so well off family , residing in rental house, reasonably

educated might give a feeling of security to your parents as she might adapt herself better to your

family.

but you may have to support your in laws also in addition to your family financially at least.in such

a dispensation. the financial support gets traded for physical support from them in terms of

services for eg, baby sitting for your children or helping with services for schooling of your children.

they also need to live close to you with a lifestyle matching yours and you have to be an enabler.

if these are acceptable go ahead. perhaps the girl they have chosen could be a career oriented girl

to provide financial stabiltity to your family and inlaws. a double income ,one kid is the norm these

days for reasonable living
 
Dear Krish ji,

I cant understand why the arranged marriage scenario in India seems so business transaction like.

I too had an arranged marriage but it was not a transaction deal at all.

It is just make a pick from a bunch of professional men with similar background and the one who made my heart flutter and gave me the Kuch Kuch Hota Hai feeling when I saw him was the one I married.

There was no transaction deal like to decide to marry or not...cos all candidates were similar in education and financial status..so that is when the Kuch Kuch Hota Hai factor decides who we marry..there must be some element of chemistry too.

So I feel a potential bride and groom should also have chemistry as a criteria.
 
renukaji
for kuch kuch hota hai feeling one should feel for the person one is marrying

what kind of feeling do you expect for an unknown person with paper credentials?

it is just a transaction for getting a human for lifetime keep in marriage

shandai

we buy cows and buffaloes by the amount of milk it can yield . for humans it is a little more elaborate. thats all
 
Jaykay767 said:
Some key criteria for selection:

1. Always always choose a “good person” as your life partner. You will never go wrong. They will stand by you for life, they will also turn you into a “good person”. Good is as contagious as bad.
2. Don’t focus on beauty/looks/fairness etc.., it will defocus you from choosing a “good person
6. People rooted in religion/traditions, philanthropy/charity,etc. will mostly be good & will always try to do the right thing
So, how do you judge?

1. All girls will mirror their mothers in time, so if the mother is aggressive, or talkative, or docile, that’s how the girl will turn out to be
Click to expand...
Let me give my suggestions/opinions based on my life experience.
1. Good person - absolute must - overrides every other consideration.
2. Nice to have - will keep the interest
6. Based on what I have seen, stay away from people with religion cover up. I will not touch anybody who follows a living guru.

i think children pick up their values and expectations from what they see within their family / circle. The attitude and expectations tend to rub off from generation to generation. So, by observing the parents, you can figure out the person ( there may be exceptions - here we are talking generalisation).

All the best!
 
ref point 6 of kirukuji, when my son wanted to marry a girl he was in love with , the girls father

approached his guru to get his blessings for the alliance.

my son cheekily said, 'Ï did not take gurus permission for falling in love''.lol

However now my son lovingly looks at gurus framed photo in his home mandir hung by his wife

every day

it appears there are some good gurus also favouring love marriages . this is for info. of tamil

ambis falling in love
.
 
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Chemistry?

renuka said:
Dear Krish ji,

I too had an arranged marriage but it was not a transaction deal at all.

So I feel a potential bride and groom should also have chemistry as a criteria.
Click to expand...
My wife is a strong believer of the "chemistry" theory. (That is her reason for why she married me! It was an arranged love (?) marriage.)
i accept the "chemistry" factor.
 
krish44 said:
renukaji
for kuch kuch hota hai feeling one should feel for the person one is marrying

what kind of feeling do you expect for an unknown person with paper credentials?

it is just a transaction for getting a human for lifetime keep in marriage

shandai

we buy cows and buffaloes by the amount of milk it can yield . for humans it is a little more elaborate. thats all
Click to expand...

Mannangatti!

You can feel something at first sight.

All other mappilais I saw I felt nothing but when I saw my husband I felt some kind of 'Lovvu" right away.

But my story is very interesting cos I did not know at all a Mappillai was coming to see me..my father only told me only the morning.

I was what?? OMG.

I was not really too interested cos I thought he would be like all the other boring ones I said No to earlier.

But the strange thing is the night before I had a dream that I was at a temple and in front of an Idol of Lord Ganesha and milk and honey was oozing from the idol and a priest gave me the oozing honey and milk and a purple orchid flower.

I was wondering what the dream meant and when my husband came to view me he told my parents that he is a Ganesh bhakta and I then remembered my dream and I asked him what his favorite flower was and he said purple orchid.

Then right away I felt some "Lovvu" cos it matched my dream and also at that time I was fond of an actor and my husband resembled him ..so I said YES.

So Krish ji...Lovvu at first sight does happen OK!LOL

But after marriage I asked my husband if he had any dream of any Devata giving recommendation for me..he said Nope.
 
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kiruku said:
My wife is a strong believer of the "chemistry" theory. (That is her reason for why she married me! It was an arranged love (?) marriage.)
i accept the "chemistry" factor.
Click to expand...
engineers are weak in chemistry unless they are chemical engineers.

love needs to get engineered through specific action[ dating holding hands, falling on one knee,

movies , beach - kadalai put by girls to boys] before acceptance by the loved one
 
kiruku said:
My wife is a strong believer of the "chemistry" theory. (That is her reason for why she married me! It was an arranged love (?) marriage.)
i accept the "chemistry" factor.
Click to expand...

Yes Yes...true..chemistry is important..biology follows next.
 
post # 36 renukaji

you seemed to have ESP about the person you married.

your man seems to have fully satisfied you also by falling on one knee in public and proposing

what more yaar? he should turn religeous not you. you have every reason to be fully satisfied .lol
 
RRJi
you are the only person with experience of finding a match.

all of us throw stones for the mango to fall . sometimes we succeed

from all your experience, how to choose a girl?

by the way how did you choose/ accept your devatha
 
Last edited:
A good question from Krish Sir!

Flash back:

Parents selected through horoscope matching.

My dear sis V R Ji gave 'agmark' - Ram lived in the same township in Vizag.

Met in person - of course in my parent's sweet home, with bajji + sojji! :hungry:

Wedding finalized. All lovvu ONLY after the wedding! :lol:
 
How we chose our d i l ...

Our son did not fall in love; we were requested to find a match. As per tradition, horoscope matching was done.

Selected two girls whom we thought will be compatible. Son came from Boston on a short vacation to see them.

In fact, we wanted him to talk even before seeing those girls but he said he likes to decide like a 'Samurai' :D

So........ After short chats, he selected his Rani. :)
 
Raji Ram said:
A good question from Krish Sir!

Flash back:

Parents selected through horoscope matching.

My dear sis V R Ji gave 'agmark' - Ram lived in the same township in Vizag.

Met in person - of course in my parent's sweet home, with bajji + sojji! :hungry:

Wedding finalized. All lovvu ONLY after the wedding! :lol:
Click to expand...
No chat before wedding? how could you ?

pulling a fast one?

only renuka is honest in this forum
 
Raji Ram said:
How we chose our d i l ...

Our son did not fall in love; we were requested to find a match. As per tradition, horoscope matching was done.

Selected two girls whom we thought will be compatible. Son came from Boston on a short vacation to see them.

In fact, we wanted him to talk even before seeing those girls but he said he likes to decide like a 'Samurai' :D

So........ After short chats, he selected his Rani. :)
Click to expand...
did you oversee the chat and guide him what to say to the girls.lol
 
krish44 said:
No chat before wedding? how could you ?

pulling a fast one?

only renuka is honest in this forum
Click to expand...
ada Rama! Those days we had only land lines and no cell phones / skype! :nono:

I was in a village with my parents, after my master's degree and Ram was in Vizag! So no chats! You have to believe me! :)

P.S: Why miss a chance to brag about my degree ! :D
 
krish44 said:
only renuka is honest in this forum
Click to expand...

dear Krish ji,

I even played the piano on the 1st day of viewing cos my FIL saw the piano and asked me if I played and I said yes and my father asked me to play a song for everyone.

So I played some songs on the piano and everyone liked it.

So in a way mine was like a traditional arrangement where I played a musical instrument for mappilai and family.

Lucky my dad did not ask me to sing too..but I dont mind singing too provided I like the mappillai!
 
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