Why most members do not show their real Photo in their profile here ?

[P.J.]

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I want this change from everyone in our society. It should not be like, "Show me the woman; I'll show the law".

Raji Madam

You seems to be exceptional in your thoughts; that is why you got the gift of writing poems!!

 

[sangom]

If a well to do lady does, it becomes a trend and if a poor widower lady does it , it is an arrogant move; that is how it is.

Dear Shri PJ,

I have not seen such treatment of widows among the NB communities here in Karala. Since most of these NBs were poor and belonged to the lower- and lowest strata of society till about 20 or 30 years ago, the women did not have the kind of ornaments given to them at wedding time. Of course, now they have overtaken the tabras in this regard and even a middle class nair bride is given about 100 sovereigns of gold ornaments. After death of husband these NB women did not change much in their dress because white mundu, a blouse and a white upper cloth were the age old dress even for a married woman. Some aristocratic nair ladies used to imitate the brahmins by wearing an all white dress and not mixing much with people after being widowed, etc., but these were rather the exceptions.

In our tabra community it is the womenfolk who do not tolerate a widow being not ostracized, imho. The sumangalis possibly get a vicarious pleasure from the treatment meted out to the widowed women. But there is also an underlying reason perhaps for this. I think most of our members will swear by a vaideeki type of marriage and will not prefer to have a simple civil marriage. The vaideeki marriage presupposes that the bride will live as a sumangali till death. The following mantra in the vivaaha is significant :-

मा त्वं विकॆश्युर् आवधिष्ठा जीवपत्नी पतिलोके विराज पश्यन्ती प्रजाँ सुमनस्यमानः
(mā tvaṃ vikeśyur āvadhiṣṭhā jīvapatnī patiloke virāja paśyantī prajām̐ sumanasyamānaḥ)

Let there be no occasion for you to beat your breasts with dishevelled hair; shine radiant in your husband's house as the wife of one who is long-lived, in your husband's house with agreeable children.

Consequently a woman who could not live up to such expectations was considered to be somewhat lower in standards and the society added many kinds of mistreatments to a widow. I feel that our tabra society should exhibit the courage to adopt civil marriage and then treat widows as equal to any other woman in all respects. Our own womenfolk may not welcome this, I feel.

 

[P.J.]

Dear Sangom Sir
I sincerely appreciate your views; thanks.

 

[Raji Ram]

I feel that our tabra society should exhibit the courage to adopt civil marriage and then treat widows as equal to any other woman in all respects. Our own womenfolk may not welcome this, I feel.

Dear Sangom Sir,

F Y I, I am Mrs. Raji Ram!! And I hope you have read my earlier posts. Thank you!

 

[prasad1]

Dear Sangom Sir,

F Y I, I am Mrs. Raji Ram!! And I hope you have read my earlier posts. Thank you!

LOL
I am sure that post was not meant for you, Renuka and others. I assumed when he said womenfolk he meant in general women at large. There is a tradition of women going along with what men propose meekly. There were smart women who broke with the rank and file. I know my mother was one like you, and I salute these women.

 

[sangom]

Dear Sangom Sir,

F Y I, I am Mrs. Raji Ram!! And I hope you have read my earlier posts. Thank you!

Smt. Raji Ram,

What I wanted to convey by "our own womenfolk" was general tabra womenfolk, not the women members of this Forum, please.

 

[Raji Ram]

Thank you Sangom Sir.

Yes! We are a 'special' kind!! :lol:

 

[Raji Ram]

......... There were smart women who broke with the rank and file. I know my mother was one like you, and I salute these women.

:yo:

 

[sun244]

I hope this post makes it, I do not know the reason for my posts NOT appearing immediately. I thought of making good use of the forum about Srirangam temple earlier and the post has not even appeared. Why this bureaucracy?

Sunder

 

[renuka]

I feel that our tabra society should exhibit the courage to adopt civil marriage and then treat widows as equal to any other woman in all respects. Our own womenfolk may not welcome this, I feel.

Dear Sangom ji,

Not only TB's but everyone else also should adopt what you suggested.

Believe me Non Brahmins too make a big fuss about this widowhood thing here.

If they see some widow dressing up nicely..next we will hear people talking ill about her.

I personally do not like to attend any pooja for Sumangalis( I attended once when my cousin called me).

Through out the pooja I was having an internal conflict as "why are woman segregated as Sumangali and Amangali..why is a Sumangali glorified and an Amangali looked down upon when the same Atmic Principle pervades everyone?"

So I stopped attending these Poojas cos I feel there is no use I say follow principles of Advaita if I am going to sit down and let myself be glorified just becos I am a Sumangali.

People assume that Sumangalis will bless people are are auspicious and Amangalis are inauspicious and are jealous of people.

But frankly speaking good auspicious thoughts can be in anyone be it Sumangalis or Amangalis and speaking about jealousy..jealousy knows no bounds..even very young unmarried women can be jealous and wish ill for others.

 

[sankara_sharmah]

I wanted to write this earlier in another thread when there were a number of posts criticizing expenditure on marriage.

Marriage is just not only about a Girl getting married to a boy. This is also a function which has been used for long as a gathering of the family from allover. I remember the marriage of my cousin ( he is the eldest son of the eldest brother of my father) . Eldest male member of the family so to say. The entire family gathered in the village from all parts of India and stayed together for about three days. The same family get together was repeated when my eldest sister got married. (The first daughter of the family to get married). After that there have been many marriages, but not much of a family gathering.

Recently my younger brother's son get married. He is the last son of the family to get married. The family members came from all over the world. U.S, U.K, Canada and all over India. The marriage had all the old customs/rituals. Almost a three day marriage. Money was spent like water. Though some family members did murmur about what they called "ugly display of wealth", everyone was happy. Because there will not be a marriage in the family for at least 10 more years and many of the elders may not be alive at that time.

A civil marriage can not replace a traditional marriage which is a family function where the entire family gathers.

Sometimes that is about the only time you can meet all the members of the family. I met nieces, nephews, cousins during the wedding mentioned above. I was meeting many of them after a gap on decades. Most probably I may not meet them again at all.

This is one spect of marriage which has to be considered.

 

[Raji Ram]

........... Believe me Non Brahmins too make a big fuss about this widowhood thing here......

Dear Renu,

Not only there... Even in Tamil Nadu! I remember to have written earlier about a non-brahmin lady, who wanted her young

widowed daughter-in-law to go through all the rituals, as shown in Tamil movies (e.g: the movie 'Ezhumalai'), though that girl

cried and pleaded not to do so. Some women are really cruel. They think so high of themselves, just because their husbands

are alive! They may be fighting everyday, who knows!

I read a story some years back, in which an elderly brahmin invites all the widows in his family and gives them new dress after
a nice feast! I thought that he should have called everyone and treated them equal, instead inviting only widows. :grouphug:

The society has to change Renu! The discrimination should vanish just like the practice of 'sati'.

 

[P.J.]

Raji Ram Madam

Sumangali Puja is sort of invoking the blessings of Sumangali ancestors in the family;

Naturally widowed women are excluded.

When doing Viratham (before the marriage) all ancestors including widowed women ancestors are invited to Bless, there is discrimination there.

Please advice How do i shorten my ID here like PJ ? thanks,

 

[Anand Manohar]

Dear Paddu Sir

Sorry, for butting in late - yes I had put up my picture too - but it caused
nightmares for people like Dr Renu, [ she sees too many ghosts ] - so quickly
withdrawn.

She reverted by replacing her 'Diva' avatar with that of a horrible looking RAT !
[ She actually looks 100 times prettier than Monita Rajpal - CNN ]

The Sheikh followed-suit her style by putting up a dumb CAMEL. I think they are
scared of "Drishti".

You are right - we could soon have a whole zoo for pictorials of the TB forum.

I don't mind posting my picture again - the shock is on the onlooker !

Yay Yem

 

[P.J.]

Anand Manohar Sir

Thank you for calling me Paddhu Sir, I wish everyone here calls me either Padhu, Paddhu, whichever easier for them; that brings some closeness in friendship!!
Reg every member posting " Their own photo" , It is better than giving replies to someone hiding behind.

 

[prasad1]

Dear Renu,

Not only there... Even in Tamil Nadu! I remember to have written earlier about a non-brahmin lady, who wanted her young

widowed daughter-in-law to go through all the rituals, as shown in Tamil movies (e.g: the movie 'Ezhumalai'), though that girl

cried and pleaded not to do so. Some women are really cruel. They think so high of themselves, just because their husbands

are alive! They may be fighting everyday, who knows!

I read a story some years back, in which an elderly brahmin invites all the widows in his family and gives them new dress after
a nice feast! I thought that he should have called everyone and treated them equal, instead inviting only widows. :grouphug:

The society has to change Renu! The discrimination should vanish just like the practice of 'sati'.

I totally agree with you. It has to hammered in, I am appalled that the attitude has not changed, and to a great extent the so-called religious leaders perpetuate them. The protest has to come from all corners of our society. There are no leaders like Raja Ram Mohan roy or the government with the back bone to make social changes.

 

[prasad1]

Anand Manohar Sir

Thank you for calling me Paddhu Sir, I wish everyone here calls me either Padhu, Paddhu, whichever easier for them; that brings some closeness in friendship!!
Reg every member posting " Their own photo" , It is better than giving replies to someone hiding behind.

Mr. PJ sir,
You can request Praveen to change your Id.
I do feel awkward to address you Formally with a nickname.
will Padduji work for you?

 

[Raji Ram]

......... will Padduji work for you?

Please add one 'h', Prasad Sir!

Otherwise it rhymes with Laddu!!

 

[prasad1]

Please add one 'h', Prasad Sir!

Otherwise it rhymes with Laddu!!

:clap2::embarassed::doh:

 

[prasad1]

Most members do not want to scare away the few cyber friends them have here.
So they hide behing the ID.
Then again they would not like their physical family and friends to find out about their secret views, LOL

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Prasad Sir,

Recently one leading Carnatic vocalist lost her husband, at the age of 39. One of her concerts was telecast yesterday

with the note 'pre-recorded', almost throughout the program. You know very well for what reason! :dizzy:

 

[P.J.]

Mr. PJ sir,
You can request Praveen to change your Id.
I do feel awkward to address you Formally with a nickname.
will Padduji work for you?

Thanks Mr Prasad,
I will send a private message to him.

 

[Raji Ram]

........ Then again they would not like their physical family and friends to find out about their secret views, LOL

Be happy!
At least we are brave enough to give our real names!! :typing:

 

[renuka]

Dear Paddu Sir

Sorry, for butting in late - yes I had put up my picture too - but it caused
nightmares for people like Dr Renu, [ she sees too many ghosts ] - so quickly
withdrawn.

She reverted by replacing her 'Diva' avatar with that of a horrible looking RAT !
[ She actually looks 100 times prettier than Monita Rajpal - CNN ]

The Sheikh followed-suit her style by putting up a dumb CAMEL. I think they are
scared of "Drishti".

You are right - we could soon have a whole zoo for pictorials of the TB forum.

I don't mind posting my picture again - the shock is on the onlooker !

Yay Yem

Dear Anand Ji,

I really liked your pic of you and your wife which used to be your avatar for a very short while before.
But what to do you removed it too fast.

I had put many pics of mine before..then I used a Rat Avatar, then Fantastic 4 Avatar and now I am using a Jalra Avatar.

The reason I removed my pic cos it restricted me..as long as my pic was there I had to be relatively good cos my face is visible..now since my face is not visible..I can be BAD! Ha Ha Ha

 

[renuka]

Dear Renu,

Not only there... Even in Tamil Nadu! I remember to have written earlier about a non-brahmin lady, who wanted her young

widowed daughter-in-law to go through all the rituals, as shown in Tamil movies (e.g: the movie 'Ezhumalai'), though that girl

cried and pleaded not to do so. Some women are really cruel. They think so high of themselves, just because their husbands

are alive! They may be fighting everyday, who knows!

I read a story some years back, in which an elderly brahmin invites all the widows in his family and gives them new dress after
a nice feast! I thought that he should have called everyone and treated them equal, instead inviting only widows. :grouphug:

The society has to change Renu! The discrimination should vanish just like the practice of 'sati'.

Dear RR ji,

Last year in November my male cousin got engaged and we were short of women to carry trays so we asked our widowed aunt to help us carry trays.

My aunt refused saying that the girls side might not like it and if anything happens then everyone would blame her saying that a widow carried a tray for the engagement and that's why bad happened.

We Hindus still have a long way to go.