OP
OP
P.J.
0
Raji Madam
This link gives some answers to your/ renuka madams Questions
"Recently I went to the temple for some special puja, after all the puja finished the gurukkal (priest) asked for three sumangalis to perform aarati, then came three ladies to perform the aarati, of which one of them is a widow. Immediately one of the ladies told her that she cannot do the aarati because she is a widow, later arguements broke out. I was very upset about the incident, more over it happened in a temple. The worst thing is that the widow cursed the
other lady saying that she will also be a widow one day."
Response by a Swamiji to the above question posted in that link
In Hindu tradition widows can choose to remarry or remain single. Widows who intend to stay single dedicate their life to the upbringing of their family, to live for a cause or to live in the pursuit of spiritual enlightenment. If a widow chooses this path she is respected as a brahmacharini (celibate women dedicated to spiritual pursuits), and is generally enjoined to live a life similar to monastics. One of the signs that they have choosen this path of life is that they wear plain white clothing (though these days many will wear either whitish saris or white saris with designed borders).
Widows who choose not to remarry may also be initiated by a swami to be a sannyasini and may wear yellow or orange saris. These widows follow the tradition of sannyasins, where they do not participate in community functions such as weddings except to observe and give their blessings. They may however, lead prayer groups during holy festival, give discourses if they are qualifed to, and can certainly do pujas and perform aarati on such occasions or on any occasion where there is gathering of people for spiritual purposes.
Widows who intend to remarry will follow the customs of an unmarried girl. Her attire would be what she normally uses, though she is enjoined not to use the red kungkumum on her forhead and as with an unmarried girl, use the black kungkumum instead. These signify that she is open to marriage proposals.
These are the general guidelines for widows in Hindu culture. Widows have a choice on how they apply them. For instance, a widow who choses not to remarry may still her usual attire and wear the red kungkumum as a remembrance of a late husband. There is no bad karma in this and the community is enjoined to respect her wishes. There is actually no Hindu scriptural reference that regulate what a widow should wear and what she should not, or what she can or cannot do. In general Hindu society, widows are given the choice of indicating their status by what they choose to wear. By status I don't mean whether they are a widow or not, instead it is to indicate whether they intend to remarry or not. I must also state that these same guidelines also apply to a husband who has lost his wife. However, if you observe our community men are not enjoined by the community to observe the guidelines as much as women.
When it comes to the incident in the temple you brought up, the simple answer is that, it would have been alright for the widow to perform the aarati along with the other ladies. In this situation, the priest should have known better and advised the congregation to avert the arguement.
I can see why the arguement took place. This is because of the misunderstanding about the concept of sumangali, which has created a ridiculous taboo about widowhood. The basic mistake in this situation is where people understand sumangali to mean good luck when actually it means the bearer of goodness, and has nothing to do with good or bad luck. The tradition of sumangali was created to culturally and ceremoniously honour womanhood as the nurturer and nourisher of society (the Lakshmi of the society).
According to the tradition of sumangali any lady or girl can be a sumangali for any occasion that calls for it. There is however a general hierarchy in who is given the first consideration to take on the responsibility of the sumangali. In this hierarchy the first choice is given to mothers (the sumangali can also be a highly respected elder mother of the community even if she is widowed), the second choice is given to ladies who are married though are not yet mothers. The third level of this privilege is given to unmarried women or girls, this includes widows who intend to marry. So as you can see, even a widow can perform the duties of a sumangali.
Concerning widowhood there is also unjustified taboo about widows wearing white in the community. Many widows who intend not to remarry shun this practice because of the misplaced view of the community where wearing white is associated with bad luck, when in actual fact this is a noble and profound tradition. White, in Hinduism, is the colour of spirituality. It indicates the purity, virtue, justice and dedication to high-minded causes. It is simply so far from the truth that white colour is associated with bad luck or anything of the sort.
The information that I am sharing with here was learned from highly respected and learned priests in India, the Sivachariyas and the Deekshitars.
Aum Shanti,
Swami
Widowhood in Hinduism
Please go through this.
Probably this clears most of the misconceptions about women widower.
If you have any questions on Hinduism or Hindu culture you can send them to [email protected].
This link gives some answers to your/ renuka madams Questions
"Recently I went to the temple for some special puja, after all the puja finished the gurukkal (priest) asked for three sumangalis to perform aarati, then came three ladies to perform the aarati, of which one of them is a widow. Immediately one of the ladies told her that she cannot do the aarati because she is a widow, later arguements broke out. I was very upset about the incident, more over it happened in a temple. The worst thing is that the widow cursed the
other lady saying that she will also be a widow one day."
Response by a Swamiji to the above question posted in that link
In Hindu tradition widows can choose to remarry or remain single. Widows who intend to stay single dedicate their life to the upbringing of their family, to live for a cause or to live in the pursuit of spiritual enlightenment. If a widow chooses this path she is respected as a brahmacharini (celibate women dedicated to spiritual pursuits), and is generally enjoined to live a life similar to monastics. One of the signs that they have choosen this path of life is that they wear plain white clothing (though these days many will wear either whitish saris or white saris with designed borders).
Widows who choose not to remarry may also be initiated by a swami to be a sannyasini and may wear yellow or orange saris. These widows follow the tradition of sannyasins, where they do not participate in community functions such as weddings except to observe and give their blessings. They may however, lead prayer groups during holy festival, give discourses if they are qualifed to, and can certainly do pujas and perform aarati on such occasions or on any occasion where there is gathering of people for spiritual purposes.
Widows who intend to remarry will follow the customs of an unmarried girl. Her attire would be what she normally uses, though she is enjoined not to use the red kungkumum on her forhead and as with an unmarried girl, use the black kungkumum instead. These signify that she is open to marriage proposals.
These are the general guidelines for widows in Hindu culture. Widows have a choice on how they apply them. For instance, a widow who choses not to remarry may still her usual attire and wear the red kungkumum as a remembrance of a late husband. There is no bad karma in this and the community is enjoined to respect her wishes. There is actually no Hindu scriptural reference that regulate what a widow should wear and what she should not, or what she can or cannot do. In general Hindu society, widows are given the choice of indicating their status by what they choose to wear. By status I don't mean whether they are a widow or not, instead it is to indicate whether they intend to remarry or not. I must also state that these same guidelines also apply to a husband who has lost his wife. However, if you observe our community men are not enjoined by the community to observe the guidelines as much as women.
When it comes to the incident in the temple you brought up, the simple answer is that, it would have been alright for the widow to perform the aarati along with the other ladies. In this situation, the priest should have known better and advised the congregation to avert the arguement.
I can see why the arguement took place. This is because of the misunderstanding about the concept of sumangali, which has created a ridiculous taboo about widowhood. The basic mistake in this situation is where people understand sumangali to mean good luck when actually it means the bearer of goodness, and has nothing to do with good or bad luck. The tradition of sumangali was created to culturally and ceremoniously honour womanhood as the nurturer and nourisher of society (the Lakshmi of the society).
According to the tradition of sumangali any lady or girl can be a sumangali for any occasion that calls for it. There is however a general hierarchy in who is given the first consideration to take on the responsibility of the sumangali. In this hierarchy the first choice is given to mothers (the sumangali can also be a highly respected elder mother of the community even if she is widowed), the second choice is given to ladies who are married though are not yet mothers. The third level of this privilege is given to unmarried women or girls, this includes widows who intend to marry. So as you can see, even a widow can perform the duties of a sumangali.
Concerning widowhood there is also unjustified taboo about widows wearing white in the community. Many widows who intend not to remarry shun this practice because of the misplaced view of the community where wearing white is associated with bad luck, when in actual fact this is a noble and profound tradition. White, in Hinduism, is the colour of spirituality. It indicates the purity, virtue, justice and dedication to high-minded causes. It is simply so far from the truth that white colour is associated with bad luck or anything of the sort.
The information that I am sharing with here was learned from highly respected and learned priests in India, the Sivachariyas and the Deekshitars.
Aum Shanti,
Swami
Widowhood in Hinduism
Please go through this.
Probably this clears most of the misconceptions about women widower.
If you have any questions on Hinduism or Hindu culture you can send them to [email protected].
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