women domination

[gopaindu]

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The women domination is like Government encouraging a quota for under developed/undeveloped communities. The main reason for women domination is indulgence by parents of the girl before marriage. Secondly, just by getting themselves educated that they can think like men i.e. in the same manner as men forgetting the fact that women guided more by emotion than by rationalism in their decisions. The women do no desire relocation by themselves or their parents just because, the old adage of seeing in-laws as partial, inimical,etc. It is no wonder that if the parents are near even after marriage, women feel secure. In case no-in-laws are there, then they could seek the advice of mothers to solve the problems. Last but not the least, as brahmins are marginalised for their forefathers' fallacies, men are also marginalised for their forefathers' fallacies. Hope this would make the forum an interesting reading i.e. the comments that would follow. bye.

 

[sangom]

The women domination is like Government encouraging a quota for under developed/undeveloped communities. The main reason for women domination is indulgence by parents of the girl before marriage. Secondly, just by getting themselves educated that they can think like men i.e. in the same manner as men forgetting the fact that women guided more by emotion than by rationalism in their decisions. The women do no desire relocation by themselves or their parents just because, the old adage of seeing in-laws as partial, inimical,etc. It is no wonder that if the parents are near even after marriage, women feel secure. In case no-in-laws are there, then they could seek the advice of mothers to solve the problems. Last but not the least, as brahmins are marginalised for their forefathers' fallacies, men are also marginalised for their forefathers' fallacies. Hope this would make the forum an interesting reading i.e. the comments that would follow. bye.

Shri gopaindu,

I presume you have used "fallacies" where "faults" may be more appropriate. Even if you intended 'false beliefs' by using the word 'fallacies', may be it is correct to some extent.

I agree that women, particularly, among tabras, were sidelined and were the "door-mats" till very recently. But during the last 50 years or so, there has been rapid 'emancipation' among them, the most important causes being higher education and well-paid employment opportunities. The IT/BPO boom during the last few years has accentuated the fact that women (girls, female youth) and men (male youth) are equally capable in almost all types of work. But men tend to think in the conventional way even now; young men in search of a suitable bride for themselves, seem to imagine that the wife-to-be will be a stereotype doormat but, at the same time, they do not want a girl who has stopped her education with 7th. or 8th. class, can do only cooking and other household chores in the conventional way - with ammikkallu, ATTukkallu, thirukai, ulakkai, viRaku aDuppu and kari aDuppu, etc., and will excel in preparing good original tabra meals as also murukku, thaTTai, thenkuzhal, porivilankaay, manoharam, athirasam and so on.

Thus, you see, gopa, the fallacy is equally with the male youth of today also. They want a modern, highly educated, very beautiful (and, in truth sexy-looking and attractive), high-earning wife who can be 'flaunted' before their friends and peers, but would like such a girl to be a perfect door-mat like the show successfully put on by their mother and what they have assimilated in their minds from hearing (and, probably) relishing stories of naLAyini, sAvitri, etc.

I say "show successfully put on" because I can honestly say that the male of the species has always been the weaker party in almost all aspects of life and even two or three generations ago, the illiterate old women used to 'dictate' to their husbands but the society was such that the 'iyerwall' used to appear forbiddingly authoritarian to the world but was a mouse before his wife or sometimes even wives, who could merely 'click' him and get their commands obeyed to the dot, without affecting the fragile 'forbiddingly authoritarian' image.

Today's girls/wives either do not have that knack or may be they just don't care. Plus, the law is now very much in favour of women domination. Further, the sex-ratio is highly skewed against the unmarried male in the tabra community, at least. Hence both boys in search of brides and their parents have to wake up to the realities and to accept the subordinate position of the male in future domestic units. Men who refuse to do this will get marginalized by the sheer efflux of time, by nothing else, imho.

 

[guruvayurappan]

sri.sangom sir hascorrectly explained the present day realityinthe post #502 and it will a eye opener to many.i like his comment


Today's girls/wives either do not have that knack or may be they just don't care. Plus, the law is now very much in favour of women domination. Further, the sex-ratio is highly skewed against the unmarried male in the tabra community, at least. Hence both boys in search of brides and their parents have to wake up to the realities and to accept the subordinate position of the male in future domestic units. Men who refuse to do this will get marginalized by the sheer efflux of time, by nothing else, imho.

 

[Raji Ram]

If guys do not educate themselves, get a good placement and money power, soon the word 'house husband' will be
added in the dictionary! :ballchain:

 

[nannilam_balasubramanian]

Women nowadays in India are generally influenced by the programs and
reforms that are being brought up towards their upliftment. They have
started working in Army, Air force and Police, etc. It is mainly because
they are now educated, socially aware, rather prove competent, have
a strong sense of individuality to undertake any assignment, and apart
from that, they look forward towards newer avenues for self protection and
self expression. They contribute for the welfare of the family now a days
for a strong economical set up of the family.

Balasubramanian
Ambattur

 

[nannilam_balasubramanian]

If guys do not educate themselves, get a good placement and money power, soon the word 'house husband' will be
added in the dictionary! :ballchain:

There is a proverb .. purusha lakshnam
to go for job and not sit at home (whatever may be the nature of job). So far
this title has not been added except .. some people say, thathari, useless fellow, fit
for nothing, thinnuto thinnuto veetule utkarthirungikiran, enda velaikku pogakoodatha, etc

Balasubramanian
Ambattur

 

[sangom]

There is a proverb .. purusha lakshnam
to go for job and not sit at home (whatever may be the nature of job). So far
this title has not been added except .. some people say, thathari, useless fellow, fit
for nothing, thinnuto thinnuto veetule utkarthirungikiran, enda velaikku pogakoodatha, etc

Balasubramanian
Ambattur

Shri Bala,

House husband will not mean people of the type mentioned by you; they will be the counterparts of the earning wives of yesteryears—they will supplant the family income but all final decisions will be of the wife

 

[nannilam_balasubramanian]

In fact I should have added Udhyoga lakshanam. No doubt final decision rests with wife.
But, the children will think otherwise. If one is a Mirasdar having lot of land, property,
getting yields from land, rent from property, interest from money given to others as loan,
etc. I have my own suspicion that one will get respect in the family not only from his
wife but also from his relatives if he is an unearning husband either from an office or profession/business etc.

Balasubramanian
Ambattur

 

[guruvayurappan]

dear RR !
if a boy get employed, he give life(or sharing the life ) to unemployed girl .but at the same time the employed girl wants to marry a person who is earning more than her salary for a luxurious life. why not they marry a person of equal status even though they are not ready to marry a self employed well settled decent boy. so educating is necessary for both boys and girl.every body should keep in mind that married life is sharing,give &take .vittu koduthavargal kettu povathu illai

 

[guruvayurappan]

Shri Bala,

House husband will not mean people of the type mentioned by you; they will be the counterparts of the earning wives of yesteryears—they will supplant the family income but all final decisions will be of the wife

good definition of house husband

 

[Raji Ram]

My definition of 'House Husband' differs from what Sangom Sir writes!

A HH will do everything from A to Z like cooking, washing, taking care of children etc, maintain the house spic and span and obey

his earning partner, as a 'house wife' of yester years was doing! This is because, if a lady starts working outside the house and

earns, she is defined as a 'working woman / lady' and not as a HW. :thumb:

 

[Raji Ram]

............ they will be the counterparts of the earning wives of yesteryears—they will supplant the family income but all final decisions will be of the wife

Dear Sir,

Already in many houses it is Madurai Atchi only!!

Note: In my house it is 'Chidhambaram'.

Regards.........

 

[nannilam_balasubramanian]

You are correct. As Raji Madam has rightly put it, Aachi's have the major role
in the household affairs in places like Karaikudi, Madurai, etc.

Balasubramanian
Ambattur

 

[nannilam_balasubramanian]

My definition of 'House Husband' differs from what Sangom Sir writes!

A HH will do everything from A to Z like cooking, washing, taking care of children etc, maintain the house spic and span and obey

his earning partner, as a 'house wife' of yester years was doing! This is because, if a lady starts working outside the house and

earns, she is defined as a 'working woman / lady' and not as a HW. :thumb:

Thank you for the definitions.

Balasubramanian
Ambattur

 

[sangom]

Dear Sir,

Already in many houses it is Madurai Atchi only!!

Note: In my house it is 'Chidhambaram'.

Regards.........

Smt. Raji Ram,

You ask any married woman, and she will tell the same "In my house it is chidambaram" but I have seen that reality is different in many such cases!

So without a fact-finding judicial commission, one cannot say.

In my house it is perhaps "kAnADukAtthAn" in between Madurai and Chidambaram. My wife does not know anything about finances but her opinions are almost always sought and taken into consideration; in other domestic matters the reverse holds good.

 

[Raji Ram]

..........
You ask any married woman, and she will tell the same "In my house it is chidambaram" but I have seen that reality is different in many such cases!

So without a fact-finding judicial commission, one cannot say.........

Dear Sir! Should I say God promise?!! :decision:

 

[kunjuppu]

dear RR !
if a boy get employed, he give life(or sharing the life ) to unemployed girl .but at the same time the employed girl wants to marry a person who is earning more than her salary for a luxurious life. why not they marry a person of equal status even though they are not ready to marry a self employed well settled decent boy. so educating is necessary for both boys and girl.every body should keep in mind that married life is sharing,give &take .vittu koduthavargal kettu povathu illai

Dear guru,

I regularly browse the ads of iyer girls (wanting grooms) in ssmatri.net.

I am yet to find one girl, who is satisfied with the salary of her potential groom, less than hers. Maybe less than 5% willing for the same salary. The majority want husbands to earn 50,000 per month minimum, many going as high as a lakh pm. in many cases, this is two or three times what the girls themselves earn! wow!

I find it very unreasonable for setting up expectations so high. How can someone, who should be less than 30, have 2 or 3 degrees, and earn 1 lakh per month. How many boys can achieve this? I think these girls are stupid for not putting themselves in the shoes of the boys. There is such a focus and importance attached to money, that I find it disgusting.

I have found that even though there is an expectation of good salary is there, in the west, generally, girls go more by looks/character/compatibility than by money alone. It is not uncommon, and it is socially accepted, for a cab driver to marry a lady doctor. I know one anyway. Or a female lawyer to marry an army sergeant. I know one of this too.

There are many many professions where the boys can get handsome salaries, but girls’ minds, I find are so warped, that they have to have someone earning twice their salary in a particular field, even a starters to qualify to be their husband? Next to horoscope matching, I find this is the most ridiculous of all customs that we have, pertaining to a marriage? And we are forward thinking community? HA!

 

[sangom]

Dear Sir! Should I say God promise?!! :decision:

I will like to learn from your husband, pl.

 

[sangom]

Dear guru,

I regularly browse the ads of iyer girls (wanting grooms) in ssmatri.net.

I am yet to find one girl, who is satisfied with the salary of her potential groom, less than hers. Maybe less than 5% willing for the same salary. The majority want husbands to earn 50,000 per month minimum, many going as high as a lakh pm. in many cases, this is two or three times what the girls themselves earn! wow!

I find it very unreasonable for setting up expectations so high. How can someone, who should be less than 30, have 2 or 3 degrees, and earn 1 lakh per month. How many boys can achieve this? I think these girls are stupid for not putting themselves in the shoes of the boys. There is such a focus and importance attached to money, that I find it disgusting.

I have found that even though there is an expectation of good salary is there, in the west, generally, girls go more by looks/character/compatibility than by money alone. It is not uncommon, and it is socially accepted, for a cab driver to marry a lady doctor. I know one anyway. Or a female lawyer to marry an army sergeant. I know one of this too.

There are many many professions where the boys can get handsome salaries, but girls’ minds, I find are so warped, that they have to have someone earning twice their salary in a particular field, even a starters to qualify to be their husband? Next to horoscope matching, I find this is the most ridiculous of all customs that we have, pertaining to a marriage? And we are forward thinking community? HA!

Dear K,

Some 60 or so years ago, a tabra woman playback singer (well-known in those days) married a cook (a tabra of the same sub-sect). This man was very happily and peacefully married and he used to manage the cooking and all other household chores as per RR's defn. of a HH. afaik, there was no complexes or great marital records, but somehow we have lost all contacts with their next generation.

So, such HH marriages are definitely workable. But today's young girls view most everything - be it husband, child, house, car, jewellery, anything - as "possession" and a valuable possession is what everyone is after, something which can be flaunted before friends and relatives. Hence the husband also has to be a SRK look-alike with at least 1% of his income!

 

[kunjuppu]

i think many prominent carnatic lady singers' hubbies were happy kooja thookkies.

they served many a purpose, - provided constant security of a ‘man’ during the constant travelling needed by these artistes, many a times, to the remote mofussils of india, arranging their contracts,

ensuring proper accommodation is provided for the pakka vaadhyams, giving some ‘muscle power’ in instances of recalcitrant paymasters, giving these succour in blues periods, fixing their alcohol or other drug habits...

apart from their duties in bed ofcourse

The concept of ‘power couple’ came only these days. Ie spouses in competition with each other, as to who will take the top position.

 

[Iyyarooraan]

I will like to learn from your husband, pl.

It is never late to learn anything. But Sangom Sir, is your desire not very late in the day? BTW, you want to learn or teach?!

 

[Raji Ram]

This thread is getting hot again...

Many boys employed in non IT fields lament that they are unable to find partners. Since they earn between 30 to 40 K p.m,

girls reject them outright. Business guys have a different problem. Two brothers have a family business of plywood trade in

Kerala. First son got married to a CA girl and she helps in their office. When they went in search of a bride for the second son,

the parents of many girls demanded partition of the property before the wedding! After nearly 3 years, they could find a

tam.brah girl from somewhere in the north.

Now a days, even if the girl wishes to stay at home as a non working lady (may be at home too!) she wants her better half to

earn more than at least half a lakh p.m. Sometimes it is disgusting. Credit card is the culprit, I think. In our generation, taking

loans used to be rare. People knew how to live within their earnings. But now even before a person joins work, emails and

SMSs rush from all companies to buy their products - flat, car, fridge, A.C, microwave oven, washing machine and as the like,

on monthly installments. So more than the amount earned is spent! வரவு எட்டணா; செலவு பத்தணா!!

opcorn:

 

[Raji Ram]

I will like to learn from your husband, pl.

May NOT be possible, Sir! He has no interest to read the posts in this site... Not even what I write. :typing:
I send my blogs to some of his friends who wish to read. This might be the same with most of the other members too! :grouphug:

So, you have to believe me, Sir.

 

[nannilam_balasubramanian]

As compared to boys, Girls have good education these days and they are
also employed and possess a good status in the society of working women.
No doubt they draw handsome salary. Sometimes it may not be digestible.
What to do. When matrimonial topic comes up, these days girls clearly say
that real life is not like movies, when a muscle man suddenly appears and
protects the other. That gives the thread to a love story and continues.
But present day girls clearly spell out that they need only a soul-mate.
No doubt, the demands are very high compared to those yester years.
As both husband and wife go for employment, they need to have adequate
facilities, enough earning to buy other household essential items like TV,
Washing Machine, Refrigerator, Oven, Air Conditioner, Adequate Furniture,
well furnished house, Four wheeler or at least an independent two wheeler
to both of them (owing to their varying office timings). Above all this, they
need a person who can protect them by providing with a decent place to live
without any worry for shelter, healthy foods, with true affection. Certainly
they look for a boy with a decent college back ground and would be able to
earn a decent salary to meet the above requirements. Why they need even
one who has clean habits and a teetotaler and do not resort to NV items in
the Hotels along with their friends.

Balasubramanian
Ambattur

 

[kunjuppu]

Dear bala,

I see a level of ignorance in these girls. what happened to the adage, of ‘buillding’ a home together out of a house. Is there not a thrill, in getting an empty house, and filling it over time with memories.

If all the reqd items are got on day one, what is left for the rest of the married life?

Also what I find, is that the girls do not look upon ‘total household income’ concept. Let us say that in today’s Chennai, a monthly income net of 50k is good for a great living, why don’t someone drill into the girls’ heads, that between her and hubby, the net should be 50. instead I only see in ads, blind statement like 60 or 70k when she herself is earning 45 k. there simply are no boys even with good career prospects to earn such salaries.

I think today’s girls would do good, to lower the salary expectations of their hubbies, and instead look to joint income concept as a feasible benchmark for good life. Together.