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would not a daughter be a natural candidate to spend the old age with?

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Why do people want to stay with their sons or daughters?
Why not live on your own?

What is driving this behaviour/desire/need?
--> economical dependence?
--> emotional dependence?
--> health dependence?
--> physical (chore) dependence?
--> societal pressures/expectations?
 
It is always better to plan in advance for financial independence after retirement.In order to lead an dignified life after retirement, non dependence on the children is a must.Son or daughter,leave them alone to lead their life of their own and you stay away from them .That will to a very great extent help in maintaining not only a cordial relationship but also our own dignity as an individual.
 
kiruku said:
Why do people want to stay with their sons or daughters?
Why not live on your own?

What is driving this behaviour/desire/need?
--> economical dependence?
--> emotional dependence?
--> health dependence?
--> physical (chore) dependence?
--> societal pressures/expectations?
Click to expand...

kirukku, any one of the above. also you missed out: pressure from the children itself - some good, some for selfish reasons.
 
sadasivam.sridharan said:
It is always better to plan in advance for financial independence after retirement.In order to lead an dignified life after retirement, non dependence on the children is a must.Son or daughter,leave them alone to lead their life of their own and you stay away from them .That will to a very great extent help in maintaining not only a cordial relationship but also our own dignity as an individual.
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sadasivam,

i think the issue here is that many parents today come close to bankruptcy educating their children plus spending on daughters' marriages. it is like burining the candles at both ends.

unless we come to rationalize the other expenses, moneys saved for retirement are going to be burnt soon.

re education, i think there is no choice. we do not want, atleast most of us, for our children to come out with bank debt at the start of their careers, if we can help it.

but marriage expenses. marriage expense, atleast in my family, started the day the girl was born. every penny saved, was spent in buying some nagai, or nattu. some pathrams. or something else, which could be given away at marriage time.

my own personal estimate is that 50% of the wedding expense has already taken place at marriage time. so even when i appeal for a 50 50 split of marriage expense, those moneys spent on jewellery, pathrams and all such, will never be recovered. it is all biased still against the girls' parents.

and then we have someone called sarvajith, who in another post, is upset at the tilt towards fairness. what can you do with such attitudes in place?
 
Kunjs,

You know what..we should actively promote TB forum to the older generation so they will be busy online and keep their minds active with all the drama here.
 
Kunjappu Sir. I would like to point out that actually there is a world of change from what you say and what happens today. The girls save for themselves. No more expenses on paathrams. Maybe it is not as such down in the South. Things have changed. No more talk of dowry. Girls emancipation has evened out a lot of irritants. Unfortunately, though they have removed many irritants, they remain the irritants. For a change why not the tambram community give up those age-old family customs and volunteer to perform marriages like 'gandharva style' marriages. In spite of all the changes, the others in the business drain out the parents' money. In these days of traffic jams, jaanvasam can be dispensed with. First you have to plan for daughter's admission to KG when she is in the womb and after a gap plan to book the marriage hall for her. The hall fellows take your whole life to give you his house just for a day or two. Why not perform the marriage in your own house? We have given ourselves in to all problems. I think only the parents are responsible for such state of affairs. Please do not tell your wife that I write like this!
 
Wise parents will save enough to provide for their old age. As one of my sad friend remarked to me. I spent all my money on my children, their education abroad and what not. Now I am neither with my children nor with their love. I am all alone they are too busy to even enquire my health. This man , son to rich bankers abroad, has to at his age travel by bus in the hottest of summers. He lives completely by his means- rent from an apartment. In youth he counted his money saving every bit for his kids in old age he is counting every bit of his money to ensure that somebody will atleast put him and his wife in a hospital when there is a need for the same. Very sad.
 
I live with my daughters in a foreign country; there is complete understanding among the members of the family including those of the inlaws. It all depends on the upbringing and the love and affection of the relationship(Incidentally, I have no son) developed over the years.
 
If you are lucky enjoy it; if you are not, do not curse yourself. Nobody knows tomorrow nor does anybody no others including the other person in you.
 
Iyyarooraan said:
Kunjappu Sir. I would like to point out that actually there is a world of change from what you say and what happens today. The girls save for themselves. No more expenses on paathrams. Maybe it is not as such down in the South. Things have changed. No more talk of dowry. Girls emancipation has evened out a lot of irritants. Unfortunately, though they have removed many irritants, they remain the irritants. For a change why not the tambram community give up those age-old family customs and volunteer to perform marriages like 'gandharva style' marriages. In spite of all the changes, the others in the business drain out the parents' money. In these days of traffic jams, jaanvasam can be dispensed with. First you have to plan for daughter's admission to KG when she is in the womb and after a gap plan to book the marriage hall for her. The hall fellows take your whole life to give you his house just for a day or two. Why not perform the marriage in your own house? We have given ourselves in to all problems. I think only the parents are responsible for such state of affairs. Please do not tell your wife that I write like this!
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iyya,

maybe our friend sarvajith51 the psycho thread initiator should read this. wonder what he would think.

btw what is a gandharva marriage? heard about the terminology, but not familiar with the details.

most of the girls, nowadays, from what i gather, earn 3 - 8 lakhs per year starting depending on where you graduate. assuming you graduate at 22, you have 3 - 4 years to save up money for marriage, for an average family.

things are changing for the better for middle class, i feel. but we could do more. simple temple marriage, and ONE FEAST ONLY. a reception. is that not enough?
 
Gandharva marriage

Here the 'boy' meets the 'girl' shake-hands (paanigrahanam) and they become husband and wife. Nowadays paanigrahanams do not result in marriage.
 
Iyyarooraan said:
Here the 'boy' meets the 'girl' shake-hands (paanigrahanam) and they become husband and wife. Nowadays paanigrahanams do not result in marriage.
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I thought it was more an exchange of garlands, rather than the shaking of hands! Somehow I have a feeling Indian girls don't like their hands to be shaken...
 
biswa said:
I thought it was more an exchange of garlands, rather than the shaking of hands! Somehow I have a feeling Indian girls don't like their hands to be shaken...
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From what I know..it involves exchanging of garlands most of the time.
A Gandharva Marriage (Sanskrit: गन्धर्व विवाह, pronounced gənd̪ʱərvə vɪvaːhə) is a historic marriage tradition from the Indian subcontinent based on mutual attraction between a man and a woman, with no rituals, witnesses or family participation.[1] The marriage of Dushyanta and Shakuntala was a historically-celebrated example of this class of marriage.[2] From Wikipedia..



Just a quick question here..here it says that based on mutual attraction between a man and a woman,with no rituals,witnesses or family participation..the marital status of both the man and woman are not touched upon here..so if a married man decides to marry another married lady without the knowledge of anyone is it still considered a Gandharva marriage and is it valid(not legally i mean) in the eyes of God ?
 
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renukakarthikayan said:
From what I know..it involves exchanging of garlands most of the time.
A Gandharva Marriage (Sanskrit: गन्धर्व विवाह, pronounced gənd̪ʱərvə vɪvaːhə) is a historic marriage tradition from the Indian subcontinent based on mutual attraction between a man and a woman, with no rituals, witnesses or family participation.[1] The marriage of Dushyanta and Shakuntala was a historically-celebrated example of this class of marriage.[2] From Wikipedia..



Just a quick question here..here it says that based on mutual attraction between a man and a woman,with no rituals,witnesses or family participation..the marital status of both the man and woman are not touched upon here..so if a married man decides to marry another married lady without the knowledge of anyone is it still considered a Gandharva marriage and is it valid(not legally i mean) in the eyes of God ?
Click to expand...

Good question.Lets wait for answers.
 
renukakarthikayan said:
Just a quick question here..here it says that based on mutual attraction between a man and a woman,with no rituals,witnesses or family participation..the marital status of both the man and woman are not touched upon here..so if a married man decides to marry another married lady without the knowledge of anyone is it still considered a Gandharva marriage and is it valid(not legally i mean) in the eyes of God ?
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Well.. no rituals, no witnesses, may be they may not even know each other's background (married or not married), it is all based on attraction... I would say it should be acceptable to all concerned (not sure about GOD).
 
kiruku said:
Well.. no rituals, no witnesses, may be they may not even know each other's background (married or not married), it is all based on attraction... I would say it should be acceptable to all concerned (not sure about GOD).
Click to expand...

I agree with you here Kiruku.Anyone can fall in love with anyone at any given time.
 
iyya,

probably only a small percentage fail. even smaller percentage end in divorce.

it takes a lot of guts to separate. especially when you have children. easier to remain status quo.

atleast i think so.
 
renukakarthikayan said:
Just a quick question here..here it says that based on mutual attraction between a man and a woman,with no rituals,witnesses or family participation..the marital status of both the man and woman are not touched upon here..so if a married man decides to marry another married lady without the knowledge of anyone is it still considered a Gandharva marriage and is it valid(not legally i mean) in the eyes of God ?
Click to expand...

Does God care about marriage? If so, why should he only want humans to get married and not elephants, tigers and flies?
 
biswa said:
Does God care about marriage? If so, why should he only want humans to get married and not elephants, tigers and flies?
Click to expand...

biswa, just because the elephans, tigers and flies, do not invite you or me to their weddings, it does not mean they do not get married. we simply are not invited. just like when prince charles and diana, or kate middleton/william windsor nuptials. :)
 
Interesting. Though monogamy does not seem to be a virtue in the animal world as lions, tigers etc. seem to get married to multiple people all at once.

Now what about plants? O Mr. Kunjuppu, do plants get married as well?
 
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