Shri KRSji,
I hope you get well soon.
Perhaps as an unmarried girl this is not my arena at all but I find it slightly disconcerting that you would need help (i think you said therapy in another post) if at all you were sexually attracted a woman who is not your wife. I feel that is too harsh a statement to make of oneself.
I did not make this statement of-handedly. Once one is in love with one person totally and completely, I do not understand how a sexual thought about another person would even rise in one's mind. If it happens, then obviously one is not in total love or affected by something that would override the implications of being in love. In the latter case, yes, I would go to a therapist to understand what is happening.
Surely it is entirely normal for someone to be sexually or otherwise attracted to other people as long as he/she doesn't act on it and commit rape or infidelity or be unfaithful to ones spouse. I am not at all advocating random infidelity.
Yes, we are all attracted to others while we are in love. But the operative adjective here is 'sexual'. Obviously, while being married, I have come across a few women that I felt attracted to, but to tell you the truth, not sexually. I may think that a person is beautiful, but that does not automatically transfer to being sexually attractive. In fact, whenever I have seen ladies wearing sexy clothes with behavior matching with it, I have always felt sorry for them. In my opinion such women usually suffer from low esteem.
If one cheats on ones spouse then I agree they need help sorting out their marriage, if they wish to. If one is merely sexually attracted to someone else but never acts on it and probably its just a phase and they get over it, I completely fail to see what help they need.
To me, sex is one but a tool to express one's love. I reject the idea that where there is full expression of love, with the sexual part fully available, one can separate the two. Sex aspect when there is love, is always subordinary to it. Of course, when one is not in love, then, I would assume that one's mind will be subject to various sexual attractions based on one's libido.
In this day and age we are more than ever bombarded with information saying that apparently it is not natural for humans to be monogamous and how monogamy is forced upon us by society etc. We as women are also told that men who succumb to other womens sexuality, does not mean he doesn't love us because for men sex and love are different
Sorry, I do not buy both theories.
1) Monogamy is based on love. And this is the basis for the spiritual growth for all human beings (despite Lord Krishna's example). Of course there are exceptions, but I truly believe that monogamy and the attendant love/devotion is a starting point for a human being to understand how we are all connected as humans.
2) To me, this is the biggest non truth. As I have said, if one puts the mechanics of sexuality ahead of love, then how can one claim that one loves the lady he has cheated on, and also as importantly 'use' the other woman as nothing but a toy for his own gratification. We all know that women have the power of seduction, to make men fall in love with them (progeny, stability, etc. are the reasons), but that does not mean that a woman who willingly enter in to a relationship with men are doing it for sex alone - of course there may be exceptions. So, overall, I put the issue right at the feet of men, who for their own gratification, will justify this behavior.
Of course this is my personal opinion and applies to me and in no way judges others who may have their own reasons to behave the way they do, because I am not in their shoes.
!
