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Brahmin Girls Marrying (Attracted towards) NB Boys

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Marriage and Age

Dear Vanamji,

I am a brahmin and also proud to say so. I expressed my view only with respect to the present circumstance i.e two are already in love and wants to get married. Not with an intention to question or oppose our tradition. Under the given circumstances when they are in love is it possible to forget / part that easily ? Even if they part and get married as per their parents would like, the past will definitely be disturbing them silently. What is your view on this?

Rajan
 
Simple! In most cases when the boy is elder than girl by 5-6yrs, he'll have a fine control over her. But, if the girl is only 4yrs(or less) younger than the boy he'll find it hard to control her! Surely after a few years of marriage, your friend will be hen-pecked. But I'm not intending that. Let there be a happy understanding between them(Take the case of Tendulkar!). But we don't know what's going on inside his(Sachin's) family(Hee!Hee!)!!
 
srikrish,

have you noticed men and women in the grandparents generation?

the man is sometimes 10 years older than the woman, but still he is henpecked :gossip: :)
 
Dear All,
These days I am seeing a huge change in the trend in which the Brahmin girls used to think and act. They are much interested towards NB boys and they want to marry them irrespective of any problems that occur from their parents side.

Last week I was shocked as I get the news from my wife that my sister in law is going to marry a NB boy. She has fought with her parents and shouted them saying that I wont come and stand in front of you after this. Poor parents without any way to go they agreed and the Boys family has never rised any red flag on this and they are happy to accept the Brahmin girl and Brahmins as their sambhandi. I was shocked to hear this as she is jus finishing the college and I dont know how much courage these days people get. Her parents have given them a BE degree and with in a matter of second she ditched all of them.

Poor father he is very orthodox and his roots are from Chidambaram who has seen 6 kala poojais of Lord Nataraja. He was pained to death and he was speechless while telling this info to me as his mootha mappilai.

This girl is asking questions like this to his father
You are seeing horoscope and doing my kalyanam in big range. Whats the probability that I wont come weeping again to you so better do in this way which I like

I was shocked by this. I was not against love but this is too much going and doing a intercaste marriage is not a crime but its against our mythological things which is having roots from 1000 and 100 of years in india.

This way our Brahmin community will get lost its identity as the offsprings of them will have the tag of Dravidians.

I hope many people would have encountered the same and I just want the thread to have some useful discussion in regards of the following matter
1.How come now a days Brahmin Girls are not interested towards our guys
2.How come these girls are getting courage. On seeing these kind of girls, I am astonished on how our amma, patti, chithi and athai had lead a peaceful life without having much of conflicts and even though they have conflicts how they have digested those. That’s the power of Brahmin women which is getting lost these days.


Thanks,
Ram
I see the total frustration in Ram's letter. I am in a situation like that in my own life. Our daughter raised in the U.S.A has been dating a white boy for a year now. She is in colllege by herself and she has become very independent. Along with education comes the audacity and disrespect for the parents. There is nothing we can do anymore since we have raised a bunch of arrogant and disloyal group of kids. I join in sympathy with folks like you. My sister had the same problem with the the daughter marrying a NB and having a baby and then divorcing each other only for the daughter to go ahead and marry another NB! There is nothing that stops them from doing what they want when they can make their own living.
 
No-win game

Sat, 06 Sep, 2008,04:25 PM​
. The Tamil film Dhanam, which has just been released in Tamilnadu, tells the story of a prostitute entering into a wedlock with a Brahmin boy, who hails from an orthodox family, how they insulted her and how she liberates herself from them after liquidating them all.

The screenplay is full of denigration and ridicule against the Brahmin community and even comedians are characterised in a manner that creates a sense of revulsion.

. This is not the first time, and will not be the last time, that a movie insulting Brahmin community is produced and released in the state. After all, the Brahmin community is the eternal punching bag of all and sundry in this land of rationality.

It is also an irony that, a good number of producers, directors and actors, who form part of such movies, hail from the same Brahmin community.

This may have something to do with the identification factor, as Brahmins despite being classified (notionally) as being in the Forward Community have generally been objects of ridicule in a culture that has been carefully created and nurtured by the powers that be in the last four or five decades.

To put it bluntly, there is actual apartheid practised against the Brahmins in Tamilnadu. A film like Dhanam may just be a manifestation of this existing ethos.

The small screen, which is much more in sync with the ground realties, also deals with the Brahmin community in a manner that leaves a bitter aftertaste.

Perhaps, it may have something to do with the fact that most of the TV channels are owned by either the Dravidian parties or those who owe their allegiance to them.

At every opportunity, whether it is a serial or a topic presentation or a debate show, the community is insulted. The vernacular media too uses a pen dipped in vitriol while dealing with Brahmins.

Anti-Brahmin tirades at least had a context when the original iconoclast, E V Ramasamy Naicker aka Periyar, got it all started in the fifties and sixties.

The Dravidian movement since then, driving on the steam provided by the maverick mentor, has kept the guns trained on the Brahmins, even though the times and the tenor have changed unimaginably.

That is the essential duplicity of the Dravidian cult. It is not uncommon to still hear Karunandhi, Veeramani and others of the ilk talking about Brahminism being the biggest evil ever, and ever will be.

The anti-Brahmin banner-holders are also emboldened on the sly by anti-Hindu forces (missionaries and the mullahs). The Dravidian cult members and the other two forces have formed a triumvirate but each with his own agenda.

Brahmins, numerically insignificant, have never been cohesive enough to be seen as an acrimonious force, indulging in atrocities and vile acts.

There may be some communities that have treated the Dalits with condemnable contempt, yet Brahmins, for some inexplicable historical bias, have been singularly held guilty.

Somebody like Karunanidhi, who takes personal glee in besmirching Brahminical symbols, still refuses to stop pouring the venom and has created a Brahmin anti-Brahmin divide within the larger matrix of Hinduism.

This has lead to the Brahmin community deserting the Dravidian land and settling in other states or abroad. In a sense, Tamilians and Tamilnadu have been the losers in this no-win game.

Films like Dhanam only serve to underline the fact that the game, wittingly or unwittingly, is always on.
---

The above is an editorial in the News Today.
 
I see the total frustration in Ram's letter. I am in a situation like that in my own life. Our daughter raised in the U.S.A has been dating a white boy for a year now. She is in colllege by herself and she has become very independent. Along with education comes the audacity and disrespect for the parents. There is nothing we can do anymore since we have raised a bunch of arrogant and disloyal group of kids. I join in sympathy with folks like you. My sister had the same problem with the the daughter marrying a NB and having a baby and then divorcing each other only for the daughter to go ahead and marry another NB! There is nothing that stops them from doing what they want when they can make their own living.
“The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers.”

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Socrates (470 BC-399 BC)
 
http://www.katsandogz.com/onchildren.html

On Children (Kahlil Gibran)

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let our bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.
 
Talking about such marriages, last week i came to know of a Brahmin girl who had this affair with a NB guy for about 3 years. She is still studying and has a long way to go before she can even think of such things. Her parents were shocked to know of her affair. I know we live in the 21st century and all but this is something which i did not expect from a brahmin girl. Do u think this is acceptable in our community? No matter how modern our families are, such acts cannot be tolerated. What are your views on this?
 
Talking about such marriages, last week i came to know of a Brahmin girl who had this affair with a NB guy for about 3 years. She is still studying and has a long way to go before she can even think of such things. Her parents were shocked to know of her affair. I know we live in the 21st century and all but this is something which i did not expect from a brahmin girl. Do u think this is acceptable in our community? No matter how modern our families are, such acts cannot be tolerated. What are your views on this?

it is my hunble opinion that no one has the right to question or judge any individual's actions/opinions/emotions....but if we are convinced that one's actions is fuelled by ignorance, then we can go ahead to offer our help but here again the individual holds the right to accept or reject what we have to offer....the core of vedanta is that you choose your karma...
 
Brahmins Marrying NB affecting their relatives too

I fully agreeing this one. I was suffered becasue, my cousin married a NB boy and my marriage was stopped suddenly. The reason was simple, they (the girl's side) did not want to make sambandham with us. Becasue, my cousins parents accepted her daughter's wedding and she is visited their home (even our home) frequently.

Even though it was happened 4 years back, still my parents are searching for a girl for me.

Srinivas
 
varattu vedhanta!!!

it is my hunble opinion that no one has the right to question or judge any individual's actions/opinions/emotions....but if we are convinced that one's actions is fuelled by ignorance, then we can go ahead to offer our help but here again the individual holds the right to accept or reject what we have to offer....the core of vedanta is that you choose your karma...

It is pity to give more importance to an individual and the individual rights, where it is completely depending on the core of the society or any community as a whole. we are the only people giving the explanation of karma.. that too not affecting that individual in particular,, Is anybody in the family or their parents can accept the things wholeheartedly,, i am sure that the kind of suffering they undergo cannot be explained through discussions.. The true thing we need is to educate the youngsters about the value of ourselves,, there is no question of karmic reaction,, i truely say it is nothing but an escapism, iN NO OTHER COMMUNITY THIS MUCH OF FREEDOM IS AVAILABLE AND ACTUALLY IN THE COMMUNITIES OF NB BOYS WHO MARRY THE BRAHMIN GIRLS TAKE IT AS A BOON FOR THEIR FAMILY REGARDING PURVA PUNYAM... AT THE SAME TIME IT IS VERY HORIBLE FOR THE BRAHMIN FAMILY,,
IN THE TRUE SENSE, WE HAVE OUR OWN LIMITS AND NO COMMUNAL LIMIT IS THERE AND WE NEVER SEEK OUR GURU'S PERMISSION TO DO SUCH THINGS, IT IS THE DRAWBACK, WE NEVER VALUE THE TRUE SENSE OF COMMUNITY..AND OUR GURUS, IF WE TRUELY FOLLOW, WILL THEY DO SUCH THINGS,, ELLARAIYUM MATHIKUM MANAM VENDUM ATHEY NERAM INDIVIDUALITYUM VENDUM,, NENJU PORUKKUTHILLAYE.......ENDHA......
 
iN NO OTHER COMMUNITY THIS MUCH OF FREEDOM IS AVAILABLE AND ACTUALLY IN THE COMMUNITIES OF NB BOYS WHO MARRY THE BRAHMIN GIRLS TAKE IT AS A BOON FOR THEIR FAMILY REGARDING PURVA PUNYAM... AT THE SAME TIME IT IS VERY HORIBLE FOR THE BRAHMIN FAMILY,,
Dear Ganesh-ji,

I do not know how it works in families that are exclusively tamil, but i can say for sure that families which are telugu or have a telugu-hangover are tooo highly materialistic.

They will accept anyone as long as the other party has money. There have been instances when relationships were sought to be broken up by the older fuzzy folk, merely bcoz the other party did not meet their expectations as regards finances even after a formal nischyatartam. What to do, the golti buddhi is such that they like to flauntu their wealthu :laugh:

They recognize only 2 castes: one with money, another without money. And i think in the present times, everyone has become materialistic ( i know how girls used to be so much in 'love' but they wud not think much when it came to dumping the guy to go after another with more money - looks like they 'loved' the money more - this was such a common feature, and still is common am told). So, its not just the teluguwallahs being so hung to the materlistic side of things to such a crass extent anymore.
 
It's not girls or boys, its a tricky thing. Read on!

Have we all thought where we all can improve? Of course the girls are attracted towards other boys who are not of this cast (I personally do not like to categorize with the term brahmins, non-brahmins thing). It is attraction. No one can say what attracts a person. It is individual choice and brought-ups. It is a competitive world nowdays and the Brahmins ought to compete here too. Though I may sound ridiculous, think the big picture.
How many Brahmin boys are really those 'cool' guys? How many of them are really strong, physically? How many of them are ready to stand up for their friends and community as a whole when a need arises? How many of these boys are the first to run away and close their doors when they can stop a unrighteous thing? I think the percentage falls more for the last question. This is a reality, no abuses please.

We are weak!

We are physically weak. NO. Don't read me that you should go and consume meat and other non-vegetarian things to grow stronger physically. But we need to be physically strong. We should be united. This is the bloody need of the hour. If you are not united, you will be crushed in the time to come. This is a brutal truth. Better get it straight.
I love humanity. I love Indians. I love Brahmins. I am a Brahmin. But I hate to say that my community is weak, not so broad-minded in helping others and both men and women are champions in gossip! Yes, this is so bloody true.

The girls get attracted because that is how they are designed. The boys get attracted because it is their design. Attraction is the keyword. Even the street dog wants to go with the mightiest one among the others.
It is a shame indeed to throw the blame on the Brahmin girls alone. Not to say anything personally to the gentleman who posted this question so bravely but in general. You get out of a disease by growing stronger, not by begging the disease 'go away please' says Swami Vivekananda.
Compete in this area too and soon ye shall find that the attraction thing works magic for brahmin boys too, who are mostly good looking!
 
Welcome Jaagratha,

Practical thoughts in your post...

Yes the majority of the brahmin male populace have this tendency, and it needs to be addressed to... and a strong physique always helps...

But reflecting on the topic, I believe that it has to do more with the mental strength than that of the biceps...

While endorsing your views, I would just highlight that it is also the calmness, courage and presence of mind that captivates young minds (whether a boy or a girl)...

But while I feel that this may be one important factor, it may not just be all...

Regards,
Seshadri
 
Hello all,
It is time for think about future generations.........'.varna sangara 'is very
dangerous phenomena in 21st century.Every family has think and act.
I am from USA and i can understand reality here.The days are gone..
economical and educational progress makes our life unhappy and
more complicated.There is real independence as a girl thinking about
marriage. Marriage is sacred ceremony. Marriage is not a union
of single individuals.....it is union of two families..


Regards
tbs
 
Doctors the world over only advise healthy (sound) mind in a healthy body. Strength does not lie in 'body-building' or obtained thro' gymnasium alone. Mental courage with practical outlook is what needed.
 
To build a robust mental makeup, one definitely needs to tone up the body, which would give the confidence one needs - maybe not a six pack ab... but still...

And when bullied by aggressive elements, physical strength would give the courage to stand up to the occasion.... and in this context, most young girls would admire such a quality...

So, while a gym may not be the only solution, it is an essential ingredient not to be left out!!!

P.S. I would go the extent of suggesting that the trust-to-be-formed (!?) should have free gym facilities for brahmins...
 
Last edited:
HI ALL,
This is about brahmin marriage. My own personal experience..i was serving
in Indian Army...many girl's parents rejected me ..because iam in Army...
Then i got married from delhi based brahmin girl.but this is community
attitude.. sorry to say...i had 2 choices..i have to service the country..
my mother land or getting married in local chennai or else where.
i chose first option... to serve my country....in my prestigious INDIAN
ARMY.......not with a hypocratic/narrow minded community attitude.
dont defended.Now i got volunteer retirement and based in USA
now.


Regards,
tbs
 
..There is real independence as a girl thinking about
marriage. Marriage is sacred ceremony. Marriage is not a union
of single individuals.....it is union of two families..Regards tbs

tbs,

can you please explain the first sentence, if you don't mind. are you implying that our community is impacted due to 'girls' thinking independently?

do you think it is fair to just single out the girls? what about our guys?

i am not so sure that it is either one of the group as much as managing expectations. with each year, i thinnk, we are, as a community, overall, are prospering and becoming quite familiar with global practices and norms.

i think, this is quite different from the times of our grand parents, and even somewhat different from our parents' time.

it might not be a bad thing after all, for our children to be independent, after all, how would a person with a 20th century mindset find a fit in the 21st century.

even though we may want to consider that a marriage is between two families, the realities of today, when both the partners are income earners, is it not as important for the girl to achieve some of her expectations.

i fear, that i interpret from your comments, that much of the 'varna sangara' is caused by women due to their independence. to look at it mirrorwise, i think, that our boys' families want the girls' income and expect her to behave like her grandmother.

i do understand the angst of the current youngsters having difficulties finding brides through the traditional manner. not too long ago, the brides' family was held at random, and i personally, have the sorrows of my parents and uncles at 'disposing' of their daughters.

i also agree that increasingly our boys' parents, in their anxieties, are willing to be 'generous', but i consider these 'concessions' to be too little, too late and many a times insincere.

in these instances, i think, once the marriage is settled, many a times, the old norms of snide remarks at seer, dowry and seedhanam, come back to the fore. it is in this context, i would rather prefer to consider a marriage, as an institution between two people, without the unwanted interference of the parents, siblings et al.

perhaps, the current generation potential bridegrooms, need to revise their business plan, in their endeavours, to find and attract a bride, within our community.

thank you.
 
hi
i dont mind girl's thinking independently, i feel personally our guys are very open minded in this new generation.now girl's parents are demanding more than guy's parents.overall our community is prospering but growth may be negative.education/job are the part of the life.it supports family life.


Regards

tbs
tbs,

can you please explain the first sentence, if you don't mind. are you implying that our community is impacted due to 'girls' thinking independently?

do you think it is fair to just single out the girls? what about our guys?

i am not so sure that it is either one of the group as much as managing expectations. with each year, i thinnk, we are, as a community, overall, are prospering and becoming quite familiar with global practices and norms.

i think, this is quite different from the times of our grand parents, and even somewhat different from our parents' time.

it might not be a bad thing after all, for our children to be independent, after all, how would a person with a 20th century mindset find a fit in the 21st century.

even though we may want to consider that a marriage is between two families, the realities of today, when both the partners are income earners, is it not as important for the girl to achieve some of her expectations.

i fear, that i interpret from your comments, that much of the 'varna sangara' is caused by women due to their independence. to look at it mirrorwise, i think, that our boys' families want the girls' income and expect her to behave like her grandmother.

i do understand the angst of the current youngsters having difficulties finding brides through the traditional manner. not too long ago, the brides' family was held at random, and i personally, have the sorrows of my parents and uncles at 'disposing' of their daughters.

i also agree that increasingly our boys' parents, in their anxieties, are willing to be 'generous', but i consider these 'concessions' to be too little, too late and many a times insincere.

in these instances, i think, once the marriage is settled, many a times, the old norms of snide remarks at seer, dowry and seedhanam, come back to the fore. it is in this context, i would rather prefer to consider a marriage, as an institution between two people, without the unwanted interference of the parents, siblings et al.

perhaps, the current generation potential bridegrooms, need to revise their business plan, in their endeavours, to find and attract a bride, within our community.

thank you.
 
tbs,

i am in agreement with you.

perhaps, the boys are too perplexed to figure out a solution? how does one deal with this situation of a critical feature of one's life?

certainly, the community values are changing faster than one significant section of our community can handle.

this opening of mind has been rather forced due to circumstances, but i will agree that many in their desperation maybe getting bitter at these change of rules, to their detriment.

perhaps, it is not a bad idea to seek out mates from other groups? and inculcate them into our values?

that will definitely take the pressure out of the situation for the boys' side. and perhaps, it might give something for the girls' people to think about :)
 
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