GENDER EQUALITY - in India - what we practice and what is on paper

[Raji Ram]

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Dear Amala,

Not to worry. All the tambram boys, once petted by moms and dads not to do household chores

are toiling in the kitchen and garden in the U S of A!! :ballchain:

 

[C RAVI]

A bachelor who for years was/is jumping from one hotel to other to have something to eat for the sake of it, every day in and day out, would obviously and eagerly waiting to marry a girl who is ready to be a housewife and be happy and proud to do her part to comfort her husband, as her expressions of love, care and concern.

Thank God that, in India, as per our culture that goes hand in hand with the basic instincts and natural inclinations of male and female species, we still have such girls in India who as a house wife would be willing to cook for her husband and care his health while he is scratching himself to meet the ends.

They are the ill-fated guys who had to force themselves, push themselves to prove in all the aspects that, he care his house wife, love her and value her when the wife is determined that she is doing a great favor to her husband by bearing and delivering his child to "him" and that is more than enough to be a wife.

Such girls should marry such a guy or be in "live-in-relationship" with a guy who would not expect anything from the lady other than her presence to his visible eyes whenever he wants to see her and be with her. Such guys are true Men who knows what the liberty of a lady is and what the liberty of a Man is.

 

[renuka]

renu has the mbbs, and the respect that goes along with it, and raji/visa are wives of senior managers, amala is an advanced student - afaik of all these people. strip away that coat of education, status and position.

and..let us, the public share your feelings, of helpless or disadvantage of situations, just because you are a woman.

Dear Kunjs,


Sorry for late reply...only saw this post today and the question posed to us female members.

To start with..I had a very sheltered life being the only daughter and was not allowed to go out anywhere without anyone escorting me.

Once when I was 19 I had gone to the mall opposite my house and I came back a bit late
..that is 6pm! and my mum was panicking 'what happened to her..why is she gone so long" and she was almost going to phone the police!

So you see being a girl was a constant problem not for me but for my parents!

Ok being a female doctor has a disadvantage sometimes that patients are not "afraid" to voice their dissatisfaction but patients are scared of male doctors!

At work when I used to work at hospital before since I am not the type to brag what I know..many have mistaken me for a Bimbo and I had no problems with that too cos you see let the person who thinks he is super intelligent be in charge.

I personally do not like being in charge so I would gladly let any show off male lead.

Some males like to lead and be the Alpha Male and Alpha Females who want some recognition would often fight with them.

For me I wont fight cos why waste time fighting to get recognition...I know what I am and what I can do and what I can't do..so I wont try to show "female power".

But one major drawback of being a female is people expect you to BEHAVE!

This is what I dislike..everyone will say "OMG you are a woman..how can you behave like this..blah blah blah"

Even when I was in college I was known as a talkative person and many girls used to tell me that men do not like talkative girls so try to be less talkative.

This is what I do not like...why should we try to be what we are not!

I also dislike glorification cos glorification is another form of subjugation.

Everyone will expect us to be Miss Goody Two Shoes.

Motherhood is sometimes over rated and a woman is expected to be the best mum but a man is mostly even allowed to be the not so good dad.


No one imposes such rules on a male.

One more "disadvantage" is as we age we will realize that parents expect more attention from daughters and any mistake of ours is seen with zoom 200% compared to sons.

So as I have aged I have realized that a daughter sometimes ends up as a punching bag for her parents and sons get away scott free or parents are very careful in dealings with their sons.

But to a certain extent I can say that I still have some stereotyped thinking when it comes to doing household work.

Even though my husband shares household work with me..I still feel a bit guilty if he has done more work at home than me and just say he is doing some housework and I am watching TV cos I had already done my share..I would still try to find some work and get busy instead of seeing TV while he is doing work cos I dont want him to feel bad that his wife is enjoying seeing TV when he is doing housework.

Last but not the least...I am not too concerned if a male does not see me as his equal cos his opinion does not really matter to me cos as I said I know what I am and capable of.

I only want equal legal, socio-economic and religious rights for both male and females.

At an individual level no 2 humans can be equal as in a carbon copy of each other in thought words and deeds..so there is bound to be some difference either for the good or for the bad.

Even though I might have views that can at times seem outlandish or even radical but I can safely say I am NOT a feminist.

Feminist are no different from Male Chauvinist..both are forms of gender biased terrorism.

 

[Raji Ram]

1. A bachelor who for years was/is jumping from one hotel to other to have something to eat for the sake of it, every day in and day out, would obviously and eagerly waiting to marry a girl who is ready to be a housewife and be happy and proud to do her part to comfort her husband, as her expressions of love, care and concern.

2. Thank God that, in India, as per our culture that goes hand in hand with the basic instincts and natural inclinations of male and female species, we still have such girls in India who as a house wife would be willing to cook for her husband and care his health while he is scratching himself to meet the ends.

3. They are the ill-fated guys who had to force themselves, push themselves to prove in all the aspects that, he care his house wife, love her and value her when the wife is determined that she is doing a great favor to her husband by bearing and delivering his child to "him" and that is more than enough to be a wife.

3. Such girls should marry such a guy or be in "live-in-relationship" with a guy who would not expect anything from the lady other than her presence to his visible eyes whenever he wants to see her and be with her. Such guys are true Men who knows what the liberty of a lady is and what the liberty of a Man is........

Dear Ravi,

If guys continue to live like their fathers and forefathers, dominating their spouses, they will never be happy.

1. Please learn cooking! Most of us ladies learnt to cook full meal, only after our wedding!

2. In this generation, many girls expect help from the spouse, be it cooking, washing cloths / vessels.

3. Ram's nephew says girls can outsource kids, IFF they want to have kids! idea, right?

4. Live in relationship and just 'seeing'?? Are you kidding Ravi? :lol:

 

[C RAVI]

Dear Ravi,

If guys continue to live like their fathers and forefathers, dominating their spouses, they will never be happy.

1. Please learn cooking! Most of us ladies learnt to cook full meal, only after our wedding!

2. In this generation, many girls expect help from the spouse, be it cooking, washing cloths / vessels.

3. Ram's nephew says girls can outsource kids, IFF they want to have kids! idea, right?

4. Live in relationship and just 'seeing'?? Are you kidding Ravi? :lol:

4) LOL!! I just said just seeing and be with her whenever he/they wants, to say in a different manner to what exactly I was supposed to say.

Shmt.Raji Ram,

1) I know cooking. We siblings know cooking. We were trained in house hold chores from our childhood. We brothers and sister share our house hold work as and when needed.

2) Girls expecting help from spouse is no wrong! When ever I go home on my vacation, I do all this work, with pleasure. If I am happy to see my mum relaxed by my work, the same would gonna be in future with my future wife (if at all I have one). Expecting genuinely is different from avoiding to do, so that it is forced to be done only by husband.

We brothers help our sister a lot, doing household chores in her home, whenever we used to visit her. It comes to us naturally. We siblings are close friends and we never had done anything out of obligation. We do as our natural inclinations with all our love and care.

3) Girls outsourcing kids is very very very very idea.

 

[Raji Ram]

......... 3) Girls outsourcing kids is very very very very idea.

Credit goes to Ram's nephew!

 

[sarang]

Surrogate kids?

Many westerners and NRIs come to india for getting kids.

Visas are given for couples to visit india, and stay for extended time till the child is delivered.

The government is now mulling to add a condition - the couples must be married. I am not sure what to call it - feminist friendly or not.

3. Ram's nephew says girls can outsource kids, IFF they want to have kids! idea, right?

 

[Raji Ram]

Surrogate kids?..........

No Sir! He meant ONLY adoption. They can check the beauty and color of the kid!!

 

[Raji Ram]

........ The government is now mulling to add a condition - the couples must be married. I am not sure what to call it - feminist friendly or not.

That should not be a problem because DINS couple also exist!

 

[sarang]

DINS? I know only DIN, german standards.

That should not be a problem because DINS couple also exist!

 

[Raji Ram]

DINS? I know only DIN, german standards.

DINK = Double Income No Kids.

DINS = Double Income No S*X! :thumb:

 

[kunjuppu]

i thought i will publish mrs sujatha interview here. it is a telling story of expecatations of life vs reality. as usual in those days, it is the woman who paid the price. there is nothing abusive or wrong in the interview. i think. it is an honest appraisal.

... it looks like she grew up a princess, and had to settle for a housewife. she is perfectly ok in her views.

i have instances in my own family, where marriage was hell, and the woman got liberated and ended up with a outstanding career and personal satisfaction after the husband's death. she was suppress so much!!

. பொதுவா கலை உலகைச் சேர்ந்தவர்கள் வேற உலகத்துல வாழ்வாங்கன்னு சொல்வாங்க. அதை என் கணவர் விஷயத்துல கண்கூடாப் பார்த்தேன். அவரோட மனநிலை எப்ப, எப்படி மாறும்னு யாருக்கும் தெரியாது. தன்னோட அந்தரங்கத்துக்குள்ள அவர் யாரையும் அனுமதிச்சதில்லை. எப்பவும் எழுதறது, படிக்கறது, ஸ்டோரி டிஸ்கஷன் என்று ஒரு வட்டத்துக்குள்ளையே இருப்பார். மனைவி, குழந்தைங்க பத்தின சிந்தனை அவருக்குக் கிடையாது. சுருக்கமாச் சொல்லணும்னா பசங்க என்ன படிச்சாங்க, எப்படிப் படிச்சாங்கன்னு கூட அவருக்குத் தெரியாது. பசங்களாப் படிச்சாங்க.... அவங்களா வேலையைத் தேடிகிட்டாங்க... அவங்களா பிடிச்ச பெண்ணைத் திருமணம் செய்துகிட்டாங்க... மத்தபடி அப்பாவா அவர் எந்த ஸ்டெப்பும் எடுத்ததில்லை.

இந்த மனநிலையை மனைவியான என்னிடமும் செலுத்தினார். நான் சாப்பிட்டனா....தூங்கினனா... எனக்கு என்ன வேணும்... எதையும் அவர் கேட்டதில்ல...செஞ்சதில்ல..அவர் எழுதினதை நான் படிச்சா அவருக்குப் பிடிக்காது. ........

குடும்பத்தைத் தாண்டிப் பெண்கள் வெளில வரக்கூடாதுனு நினைப்பார். இதுக்குக் காரணம், அவர் வளர்ந்த விதம்.

அவரோட உலகம் ரொம்பச் சின்னது. ஸ்ரீரங்கத்ல பாட்டி வீட்லதான் வளர்ந்தார். அந்த அக்ரஹாரம்தான் அவருக்கு எல்லாம். அதைத் தாண்டி அவர் சின்ன வயசுல வந்ததில்லை. வளர்ந்தபிறகு கூட மனதளவுல அந்த அகரஹாரப் பையனாத்தான் இருந்தார்.

ஆனா எங்க வீட்ல அப்படிக் கிடையாது. பெண்களுக்கு எல்லா உலக விஷயமும் தெரியணும், அவங்களும் படிக்கணும்னு நினைச்சாங்க. அப்படித்தான் என்னை வளர்த்தாங்க. எங்க தாத்தா ஆங்கிலேயர் கிட்ட வேலை பார்த்தவர். அதனால எங்கம்மாவுக்கு ஆங்கிலத்தையும், அறிவியலையும் தாத்தா ஸ்பெஷலா ஒரு ஆங்கிலோ இந்திய டீச்சரைப் பிரைவேட்டா நியமிச்சு படிக்க வச்சார்.

என் தங்கை டாக்டருக்குப் படிச்சுட்டு அமெரிக்காவுல இருக்கா. ஒரு தம்பியும் அமெரிக்கால செட்டிலாயிட்டான். இன்னொரு தம்பி சென்னைல நல்ல வேலைல இருந்து ரிடையர் ஆகியிருக்கான்.

இப்படிப்பட்ட குடும்பத்துலதான் 20 வருஷங்கள் வளர்ந்தேன். திடீர்னு கல்யாணமாகி வேறொரு சூழல் அமைந்சதும் முதல்ல ஒண்ணும் புரியலை. கிட்டத்தட்ட பத்து வருஷங்கள் ரொம்பச் சிரமப் பட்டேன். அப்புறம் என் கணவரோட உலகம் எனக்கு பழகிடுச்சு. அவரோட உலகத்துக்குத் தகுந்த உயிரினமா வாழ ஆரம்பிச்சேன்.

பலநாட்கள் அம்மா மடில படுத்து அழுதிருக்கேன். திரும்பி வந்துடறேன்னு கதறிருக்கேன். ஆனா, குழந்தைகளோட ஒரு பொண்ணு தனியா வாழ முடியாது அட்ஜஸ்ட் பண்ணிக்கன்னு சொன்னாங்க. அந்த காலகட்டம் அப்படி. அதுவே இன்றைய சூழ்நிலையா இருந்திருந்தா எங்கம்மா கிட்ட யோசனை கேட்டிருக்க மாட்டேன். குழந்தைகளோட தனியா வந்திருப்பேன்...

அவருக்கு மனைவி குழந்தைகள் மேல அனுப்பு இல்லைன்னு சொல்ல முடியாது. ஆனா, அதை வெளிப்படுத்தத் தெரியாது. வெளிப்படுத்தாத அன்பால யாருக்கு என்ன பயன்? உறவுன்கர சக்கரம் சுழல அன்புதானே அவசியம்? அவரை முழுசாப் புரிஞ்சிக்க எனக்குப் பத்து வருஷங்களாச்சு. அதுக்குப் பிறகு, என்னோட சுயத்தை விட்டுட்டு, அவருக்காகவும், பிள்ளைகளுக்காகவும் வாழ ஆரம்பித்தேன். அவருக்கு ரெண்டு பைபாஸ் சர்ஜரி நடந்தது. அதனால அவரால எங்கயும் போக முடியாது. துணையா நான் இருந்தேன்.....

எங்களுக்கு ரெண்டு பசங்க. ரெண்டு பேருமே அமெரிக்காவுல வேலை பார்த்துகிட்டு இருந்தாங்க. அவர் காலமானதும் பெரியவன் சென்னைக்கு வந்துட்டான். சின்னவன் அமெரிக்காவுலதான் இருக்கான். எனக்கு வர்ற மருமகள் தமிழ்ப்பெண்ணா இருக்கணும்னு ஆசைப் பட்டேன். அது நடக்கலை. பெரியவன் பஞ்சாபிப் பெண்ணையும், சின்னவன் ஜப்பானியப் பெண்ணையும் விரும்பிக் கல்யாணம் செஞ்சுகிட்டாங்க. ஆனா ரெண்டு மருமகள்களுமே தங்கமானவங்க.. என்னைக் கைல வச்சுத் தாங்கறாங்க.....

இதுவரைக்கும் கணவன், மாமனார், மாமியார், அம்மா, அப்பா, பிள்ளைகள்னு மத்தவங்களுக்காகவே வாழ்ந்துட்டேன். இப்பதான் எனக்காக வாழ ஆரம்பிச்சுருக்கேன். கோயில், யாத்திரைகள்னு பொழுது போகுது. அமெரிக்காவுல இருக்கற சின்னவன் வீட்டுக்கும், தம்பி, தங்கைகள் வீட்டுக்கும் போய் வர்றேன்...விருப்பப்பட்ட புத்தகங்களைப் படிக்கிறேன். என்னோட நேரங்கள் எனக்கானதா செலவாகுது. பெரிய எதிர்பார்ப்புகள் எனக்குக் கிடையாது. அதனாலேயே சந்தோஷமா இருக்கேன். ஏன்னா, எதிர்பார்ப்பு இருந்தாதான் ஏமாற்றம் ஏற்படும். என் வாழ்க்கை எனக்குக் கத்துக் குடுத்த பாடம் இது..."

என்று சொல்லும் திருமதி சுஜாதா கடைசிவரை யாருக்கும் பாரமாக இருக்கக் கூடாது என்பதில் கவனமாக இருக்கிறாராம். இவர் விலங்கியல் துறையில் பட்டப் படிப்பு முடித்தவராம்.

 

[kk4646]

i thought i will publish mrs sujatha interview here. it is a telling story of expecatations of life vs reality. as usual in those days, it is the woman who paid the price. there is nothing abusive or wrong in the interview. i think. it is an honest appraisal.

... it looks like she grew up a princess, and had to settle for a housewife. she is perfectly ok in her views.

i have instances in my own family, where marriage was hell, and the woman got liberated and ended up with a outstanding career and personal satisfaction after the husband's death. she was suppress so much!!

. பொதுவா கலை உலகைச் சேர்ந்தவர்கள் வேற உலகத்துல வாழ்வாங்கன்னு சொல்வாங்க. அதை என் கணவர் விஷயத்துல கண்கூடாப் பார்த்தேன். அவரோட மனநிலை எப்ப, எப்படி மாறும்னு யாருக்கும் தெரியாது. தன்னோட அந்தரங்கத்துக்குள்ள அவர் யாரையும் அனுமதிச்சதில்லை. எப்பவும் எழுதறது, படிக்கறது, ஸ்டோரி டிஸ்கஷன் என்று ஒரு வட்டத்துக்குள்ளையே இருப்பார். மனைவி, குழந்தைங்க பத்தின சிந்தனை அவருக்குக் கிடையாது. சுருக்கமாச் சொல்லணும்னா பசங்க என்ன படிச்சாங்க, எப்படிப் படிச்சாங்கன்னு கூட அவருக்குத் தெரியாது. பசங்களாப் படிச்சாங்க.... அவங்களா வேலையைத் தேடிகிட்டாங்க... அவங்களா பிடிச்ச பெண்ணைத் திருமணம் செய்துகிட்டாங்க... மத்தபடி அப்பாவா அவர் எந்த ஸ்டெப்பும் எடுத்ததில்லை.

இந்த மனநிலையை மனைவியான என்னிடமும் செலுத்தினார். நான் சாப்பிட்டனா....தூங்கினனா... எனக்கு என்ன வேணும்... எதையும் அவர் கேட்டதில்ல...செஞ்சதில்ல..அவர் எழுதினதை நான் படிச்சா அவருக்குப் பிடிக்காது. ........

குடும்பத்தைத் தாண்டிப் பெண்கள் வெளில வரக்கூடாதுனு நினைப்பார். இதுக்குக் காரணம், அவர் வளர்ந்த விதம்.

அவரோட உலகம் ரொம்பச் சின்னது. ஸ்ரீரங்கத்ல பாட்டி வீட்லதான் வளர்ந்தார். அந்த அக்ரஹாரம்தான் அவருக்கு எல்லாம். அதைத் தாண்டி அவர் சின்ன வயசுல வந்ததில்லை. வளர்ந்தபிறகு கூட மனதளவுல அந்த அகரஹாரப் பையனாத்தான் இருந்தார்.

ஆனா எங்க வீட்ல அப்படிக் கிடையாது. பெண்களுக்கு எல்லா உலக விஷயமும் தெரியணும், அவங்களும் படிக்கணும்னு நினைச்சாங்க. அப்படித்தான் என்னை வளர்த்தாங்க. எங்க தாத்தா ஆங்கிலேயர் கிட்ட வேலை பார்த்தவர். அதனால எங்கம்மாவுக்கு ஆங்கிலத்தையும், அறிவியலையும் தாத்தா ஸ்பெஷலா ஒரு ஆங்கிலோ இந்திய டீச்சரைப் பிரைவேட்டா நியமிச்சு படிக்க வச்சார்.

என் தங்கை டாக்டருக்குப் படிச்சுட்டு அமெரிக்காவுல இருக்கா. ஒரு தம்பியும் அமெரிக்கால செட்டிலாயிட்டான். இன்னொரு தம்பி சென்னைல நல்ல வேலைல இருந்து ரிடையர் ஆகியிருக்கான்.

இப்படிப்பட்ட குடும்பத்துலதான் 20 வருஷங்கள் வளர்ந்தேன். திடீர்னு கல்யாணமாகி வேறொரு சூழல் அமைந்சதும் முதல்ல ஒண்ணும் புரியலை. கிட்டத்தட்ட பத்து வருஷங்கள் ரொம்பச் சிரமப் பட்டேன். அப்புறம் என் கணவரோட உலகம் எனக்கு பழகிடுச்சு. அவரோட உலகத்துக்குத் தகுந்த உயிரினமா வாழ ஆரம்பிச்சேன்.

பலநாட்கள் அம்மா மடில படுத்து அழுதிருக்கேன். திரும்பி வந்துடறேன்னு கதறிருக்கேன். ஆனா, குழந்தைகளோட ஒரு பொண்ணு தனியா வாழ முடியாது அட்ஜஸ்ட் பண்ணிக்கன்னு சொன்னாங்க. அந்த காலகட்டம் அப்படி. அதுவே இன்றைய சூழ்நிலையா இருந்திருந்தா எங்கம்மா கிட்ட யோசனை கேட்டிருக்க மாட்டேன். குழந்தைகளோட தனியா வந்திருப்பேன்...

அவருக்கு மனைவி குழந்தைகள் மேல அனுப்பு இல்லைன்னு சொல்ல முடியாது. ஆனா, அதை வெளிப்படுத்தத் தெரியாது. வெளிப்படுத்தாத அன்பால யாருக்கு என்ன பயன்? உறவுன்கர சக்கரம் சுழல அன்புதானே அவசியம்? அவரை முழுசாப் புரிஞ்சிக்க எனக்குப் பத்து வருஷங்களாச்சு. அதுக்குப் பிறகு, என்னோட சுயத்தை விட்டுட்டு, அவருக்காகவும், பிள்ளைகளுக்காகவும் வாழ ஆரம்பித்தேன். அவருக்கு ரெண்டு பைபாஸ் சர்ஜரி நடந்தது. அதனால அவரால எங்கயும் போக முடியாது. துணையா நான் இருந்தேன்.....

எங்களுக்கு ரெண்டு பசங்க. ரெண்டு பேருமே அமெரிக்காவுல வேலை பார்த்துகிட்டு இருந்தாங்க. அவர் காலமானதும் பெரியவன் சென்னைக்கு வந்துட்டான். சின்னவன் அமெரிக்காவுலதான் இருக்கான். எனக்கு வர்ற மருமகள் தமிழ்ப்பெண்ணா இருக்கணும்னு ஆசைப் பட்டேன். அது நடக்கலை. பெரியவன் பஞ்சாபிப் பெண்ணையும், சின்னவன் ஜப்பானியப் பெண்ணையும் விரும்பிக் கல்யாணம் செஞ்சுகிட்டாங்க. ஆனா ரெண்டு மருமகள்களுமே தங்கமானவங்க.. என்னைக் கைல வச்சுத் தாங்கறாங்க.....

இதுவரைக்கும் கணவன், மாமனார், மாமியார், அம்மா, அப்பா, பிள்ளைகள்னு மத்தவங்களுக்காகவே வாழ்ந்துட்டேன். இப்பதான் எனக்காக வாழ ஆரம்பிச்சுருக்கேன். கோயில், யாத்திரைகள்னு பொழுது போகுது. அமெரிக்காவுல இருக்கற சின்னவன் வீட்டுக்கும், தம்பி, தங்கைகள் வீட்டுக்கும் போய் வர்றேன்...விருப்பப்பட்ட புத்தகங்களைப் படிக்கிறேன். என்னோட நேரங்கள் எனக்கானதா செலவாகுது. பெரிய எதிர்பார்ப்புகள் எனக்குக் கிடையாது. அதனாலேயே சந்தோஷமா இருக்கேன். ஏன்னா, எதிர்பார்ப்பு இருந்தாதான் ஏமாற்றம் ஏற்படும். என் வாழ்க்கை எனக்குக் கத்துக் குடுத்த பாடம் இது..."

என்று சொல்லும் திருமதி சுஜாதா கடைசிவரை யாருக்கும் பாரமாக இருக்கக் கூடாது என்பதில் கவனமாக இருக்கிறாராம். இவர் விலங்கியல் துறையில் பட்டப் படிப்பு முடித்தவராம்.

A honest opinion about a great writer...Sometimes it do happen to a writer to forget everything & to think ONLY about his creation and its development.. But it is not an isolated incident for people in cultural field alone..Many scientists, Engineers suffered/suffer from this ...Some kith&kin adjust&understand but many do not..

[Sorry for my english comment for the Tamil posting..Since I have not seen TB for quite sometime & chided by Syamala I have posted in English]


TVK

 

[Raji Ram]

........... ... it looks like she grew up a princess, and had to settle for a housewife. she is perfectly ok in her views............

Dear Kunjuppu Sir,

This is generally commented as 'kiLiyai vaLarththu poonai kaiyil kodukkiRathu!' OR 'kurangu kaiyil poomaalai!'

There exist even some males who face similar situation by the dominating wife! Those who are earning less are

constantly nagged by the wife and mentally tortured 24 X 7 X 365.25!! Any law to save these poor souls? :noidea:

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear T V K Sir,

Why do you need anyone to chide you to write in our forum?

Is it not your will and wish?

BTW, where is mAm Shyamala?

 

[kk4646]

Dear T V K Sir,

Why do you need anyone to chide you to write in our forum?

Is it not your will and wish?

BTW, where is mAm Shyamala?

Shyamala has grouse..whatever posted by her as comment..not allowed by moderator...called screening.. so she has stopped posting but viewing..

There is no specific reason for not seeing the TB... just like that....I am happy the Gender Equality has taken different Avatar....Ha..Ha..how many more to come...?

TVK

 

[renuka]

There exist even some males who face similar situation by the dominating wife! Those who are earning less are

constantly nagged by the wife and mentally tortured 24 X 7 X 365.25!! Any law to save these poor souls? :noidea:

Dear RR ji,

Ask those poor souls to get a Chinna Veedu!

 

[kk4646]

Dear RR ji,

Ask those poor souls to get a Chinna Veedu!

Ha..Ha.. Getting chinnaveedu is not that Easy...I have few friends..whose experience in getting chinnaveedu can be written as voluminus story..!!

TVK

 

[renuka]

Ha..Ha.. Getting chinnaveedu is not that Easy...I have few friends..whose experience in getting chinnaveedu can be written as voluminus story..!!

TVK

Dear TVK ji,

May be you can share with us what Chinna Veedus expect from a guy these days since the talk is always about girls being demanding in marriage blah blah blah..so what do Chinna Veedus expect?? Only IT Soft ware professionals??

 

[prasad1]

 

[kunjuppu]

A honest opinion about a great writer...Sometimes it do happen to a writer to forget everything & to think ONLY about his creation and its development.. But it is not an isolated incident for people in cultural field alone..Many scientists, Engineers suffered/suffer from this ...Some kith&kin adjust&understand but many do not..

[Sorry for my english comment for the Tamil posting..Since I have not seen TB for quite sometime & chided by Syamala I have posted in English]


TVK

this is the biggest risk in an arranged marriage. any time, because the girl, overnight, abandoning her home parents environment and put on show with strangers - no matter how well meaning and goodness they may be. the girl, if she is pliable, no expectations, and not too smart, can make herself out to be a great daughter in law. otherwise she gives up a lot.

we know someone, who was a veena prodigy. at 18, after high school, she was married off, and the in laws had no ears for music. the veena is in the paran for the pas 50+ years. the lady is so bitter, that years later, when she could set up thani kudithanam, in another town, she would not start her veena playing. reason being her husband sided with his parents and discouraged her veena ambitions (kutcheri, concerts, competitions).

i have girl cousins, close to my age, treated practically as indentured labourers in the in laws house, after a princessly childhood. overnight everything changed, and fortunately for one, widowhood gave her the liberation, and the other one, moving out of india.

in arranged marriages, parents cannot understand and feel out the compatibility of the couple or the in law family. such things are impossible to communicate, as these come with familiarity of the family. and the person.

i myself, did not give too much thought when i married. it was arranged, and i decided to make it work. in thani kudithanam, the man has to adjust a lot too, which is often discounted. i just don't think about what could have been. for 'what could have been' is among the saddest words in any language. such is life!!

i am not complaining about my life. but i find, that happy love marriages, their relationships, are constantly at a level up in terms of communication and care. there is something 'soft' in their relationship. i have close relatives who have been such fortunate, and i can only look at them with a good natured sort of envy.

i feel for mrs sujatha - she probably had ambitions like her younger sister, to be a doctor or something. her brothers could travel abroad. atleast she consoles herself, her sons exercised their freedom to marry whoever they wanted, and live a life of their choice. poor lady!

 

[kkumar29]

My responses are in blue.

this is the biggest risk in an arranged marriage. any time, because the girl, overnight, abandoning her home parents environment and put on show with strangers - no matter how well meaning and goodness they may be. the girl, if she is pliable, no expectations, and not too smart, can make herself out to be a great daughter in law. otherwise she gives up a lot.

I agree with you completely except for one word, not too smart. When girls married those days they were in their teens. It had been drummed into their head that they need to be like "நாணல்". They were also brainwashed into thinking "கல்லானாலும் கணவன், புல்லானாலும் புருஷன்". They didn't have any choice but to bury their ambitions.

we know someone, who was a veena prodigy. at 18, after high school, she was married off, and the in laws had no ears for music. the veena is in the paran for the pas 50+ years. the lady is so bitter, that years later, when she could set up thani kudithanam, in another town, she would not start her veena playing. reason being her husband sided with his parents and discouraged her veena ambitions (kutcheri, concerts, competitions).

You were not supposed to talk about my mother here She was the only child, from a slightly affluent family and exposed to the world a little more than normal. She had attended convent school of those days and could converse fluently in English. She was not a Veena prodigy, but very good Veena player. She was 16, when she got married (early 1940s). All this did not sit well with my father's family (he had lost both his parents). Though my father's family loved carnatic music, they did not let her play the Veena. She had to wait till they moved to Delhi before she could touch the Veena again. My father didn't mind her playing the Veena, but it took another 10 - 15 years before he would let her play in public, in one of the Tyagaraja utsavams. Mind you he loved carnatic music When he got married he was very conservative, but opened his mind about lot of things in the next few decades.

i have girl cousins, close to my age, treated practically as indentured labourers in the in laws house, after a princessly childhood. overnight everything changed, and fortunately for one, widowhood gave her the liberation, and the other one, moving out of india.

in arranged marriages, parents cannot understand and feel out the compatibility of the couple or the in law family. such things are impossible to communicate, as these come with familiarity of the family. and the person.

i myself, did not give too much thought when i married. it was arranged, and i decided to make it work. in thani kudithanam, the man has to adjust a lot too, which is often discounted. i just don't think about what could have been. for 'what could have been' is among the saddest words in any language. such is life!!

i am not complaining about my life. but i find, that happy love marriages, their relationships, are constantly at a level up in terms of communication and care. there is something 'soft' in their relationship. i have close relatives who have been such fortunate, and i can only look at them with a good natured sort of envy.

The communication generally is at a much higher level in love marriages. But let me tell you from experience it is no bed of roses either. The situation is the other extreme. You know nothing about the other person, and everything starts from scratch. The trials and tribulations one has to go through to reach an acceptable solution is quite large. The big difference is that both make the adjustments and there is no one "upmanship". The one big advantage you have is that you know your spouse's general outlook, which is the reason you got married.

i feel for mrs sujatha - she probably had ambitions like her younger sister, to be a doctor or something. her brothers could travel abroad. atleast she consoles herself, her sons exercised their freedom to marry whoever they wanted, and live a life of their choice. poor lady!

It is, like I had mentioned in one of my earlier posts, no different to many TB women of that era.

K. Kumar

 

[kk4646]

Who can give guarenty that love marriages or arranged marriages are the only successful..? Both are having plus and minus points..But whatever the way followed it should be remembered as an 'Institution' not an 'Arrangement' ...


TVK

 

[prasad1]

Who can give guarenty that love marriages or arranged marriages are the only successful..? Both are having plus and minus points..But whatever the way followed it should be remembered as an 'Institution' not an 'Arrangement' ...


TVK

I am in semi-agreement with you. Does it need to be an institution? I seen people love outside of "traditional Marriage". My next door neighbor shared his life (after his wife died a quadriplegic) with a wonderful lady for 10 years. He just passed away last month. He always talked highly of both ladies.

 

[kk4646]

Dear TVK ji,

May be you can share with us what Chinna Veedus expect from a guy these days since the talk is always about girls being demanding in marriage blah blah blah..so what do Chinna Veedus expect?? Only IT Soft ware professionals??

I will post later ...But like marriages Chinnaveedu for some people do happen 'accidently'....Expectations...?...What a wife will expect from husband.?..[don't include house hold work..]

TVK