I am a Thengalai Iyengar, loving a non-brahmin girl

[renuka]

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This is side stepping the issue. The answer sought by Chandra was:
"will she marry a Christian or Muslim and live without following their customs - without wearing ring or burka? Girls who have such mindset are scrupulously follow the customs of Abrahamic Religions without any deviation, after marriage, probably fearing persecution."

That answer only the girl would know if she would be forced to follow the dictates of an Abrahamic religion.

That is why I love Hinduism..there is no compulsion to follow anything and we can always have a philosophical answer to anything and everything...the last time one old lady out here in Msia tried to insult me badly becos I did not wear my thAli..I spoke in soft tones of Advaita and spoke about the transient nature of everything and nothing last the same forever...confused her with some Sanskrit words here and there..dragged in Maya etc told her the only thread that mattered was our thread of actions blah blah blah...finally she became so dazed and confused and didnt say a word.

So as a Hindu I get to delude others too!LOL

 

[zebra16]

That answer only the girl would know if she would be forced to follow the dictates of an Abrahamic religion.

That is why I love Hinduism..there is no compulsion to follow anything and we can always have a philosophical answer to anything and everything...the last time one old lady out here in Msia tried to insult me badly becos I did not wear my thAli..I spoke in soft tones of Advaita and spoke about the transient nature of everything and nothing last the same forever...confused her with some Sanskrit words here and there..dragged in Maya etc told her the only thread that mattered was our thread of actions blah blah blah...finally she became so dazed and confused and didnt say a word.

So as a Hindu I get to delude others too!LOL

You are a sakala-kalAvallavi

 

[krish44]

That answer only the girl would know if she would be forced to follow the dictates of an Abrahamic religion.

That is why I love Hinduism..there is no compulsion to follow anything and we can always have a philosophical answer to anything and everything...the last time one old lady out here in Msia tried to insult me badly becos I did not wear my thAli..I spoke in soft tones of Advaita and spoke about the transient nature of everything and nothing last the same forever...confused her with some Sanskrit words here and there..dragged in Maya etc told her the only thread that mattered was our thread of actions blah blah blah...finally she became so dazed and confused and didnt say a word.

So as a Hindu I get to delude others too!LOL

Your brain is your biggest friend and enemy.

You can end not only mixed up and be miserable sometimes and totally mess up those around you at other times.

Being a hindu complicates it more .

So being a hindu with capacity to reel off sanskrit verses at will can screw up all old men and women around you.

Most brahmins can recite sanskrit slokas without knowing their meaning.

When somebody out talks quoting sanskrit verses, they do not know what to do and start praising you.

It must be difficult for close relatives to live with you since you love challenges and you challenge first and think later what to say in defence.

 

[renuka]

When somebody out talks quoting sanskrit verses, they do not know what to do and start praising you.

It must be difficult for close relatives to live with you since you love challenges and you challenge first and think later what to say in defence.

Exactly! Even in one movie Vivek was acting as a fake Swamiji and was saying "Yada Yada Kawasaki..Yada Yada Mitsubishi" yet everyone fell on his feet thinking he is reciting Sanskrit words!LOL

Nope...its not hard for anyone to live with me...In fact its hard for me to live with others cos hardly anyone understands how my mind works!


I don't like challenges..I like monotony and from time to time I seek major revamp and a new monotony.

Monotony is easier on the mind..brain does not have to think much.

 

[Raji Ram]

This is side stepping the issue. The answer sought by Chandra was:
"will she marry a Christian or Muslim and live without following their customs - without wearing ring or burka? Girls who have such mindset are scrupulously follow the customs of Abrahamic Religions without any deviation, after marriage, probably fearing persecution."

Well said, Sir!

Brahmins do not opt violence. Hence girls become very bold and do whatever they like.

BTW, Satya says there is NO objection from the girl's parents. Naturally!
They will play something different, if their daughter's choice was from SC or ST! :drum:

 

[Raji Ram]

There is no point in an endless wait! Thirteen years is too lo................ng a period! :clock:

If the hesitation goes on for ever, the wedding might end up as 'maNi vizhA'!!

All the best, Satya!

 

[Vaagmi]

........ clipped.........

I don't like challenges..I like monotony and from time to time I seek major revamp and a new monotony.

Monotony is easier on the mind..brain does not have to think much.

And all the monotonies collected together form a bunch with variety. And there goes monotony overboard. LOL.

 

[Vaagmi]

1)If she is 54 so what?
2)I am male about 70 plus but think young.
3)I do not perform any rituals nor I have a thread.
4)I used to smoke in my fiftees . I drink the best alcohol and hold my drink better than most.
5)As a brahmin male I can do that why cannot 54 yr lady do what she does?
It is her personal preferance. She is not harming anyone being what she is and consuming bajias and chai.
6)I also like mirchi bajjis on roadside and chai in nearby shack along with labourers.
7)I like her preferance for film stars and cricketers.
Bless this lady . She is open and daring.

krishji,

LOL.

1) That makes all the difference. She should have said all this when she was 20 and then done all that. Now it is from safe territory.
2) You HAVE to say that just as she HAS to tom tom it.
3) What are you trying to convey? Is it your case you required the courage of Alexander the Great to do all that and did it and so needs to be recognized and be given an award?
4) Again is it brandied about as an achievement? or what else?
5) She can do it jolly well and she is doing it. Brahmins have no problems either with you or with her. They can have you and her in their fold and yet survive as a commun ity. Nothing earth shaking is going to happen.
6) So you are speaking about your comeraderie. Well. You are good. anything more?
7) A whole lot of brahmin men and women of a range of ages have similar likings. So you are in good company. But nothing unique there.

Open and daring at 54? That is a joke, tells my wife. She is much more open and daring but does not brag about it in a blogspot.

 

[krish44]

Exactly! Even in one movie Vivek was acting as a fake Swamiji and was saying "Yada Yada Kawasaki..Yada Yada Mitsubishi" yet everyone fell on his feet thinking he is reciting Sanskrit words!LOL

Nope...its not hard for anyone to live with me...In fact its hard for me to live with others cos hardly anyone understands how my mind work



I don't like challenges..I like monotony and from time to time I seek major revamp and a new monotony.

Monotony is easier on the mind..brain does not have to think much.

You can be less complicated. Try playing the dumb doll and enjoy all the attention.

Ultimate reason for living is greater happiness for self.

Going from one monotony state to another will take a toll on you.

Basically you are insecure to trust anyone.

And want to decide everything yourself and suffer more.

More involvement with all and forgiving faults in those around being less critical of their perceived stupidity can make you less introvert.

Mixing and getting involved is the key to happiness. Of course whether you like only what is the harsh truth and isolate yourself more from imperfect people around you

they will think you are queer and would leave you with your monotony to grapple with. Bond and all will reciprocate. This is my philosophy. Try it for a change.

 

[krish44]

krishji,

LOL.

1) That makes all the difference. She should have said all this when she was 20 and then done all that. Now it is from safe territory.
2) You HAVE to say that just as she HAS to tom tom it.
3) What are you trying to convey? Is it your case you required the courage of Alexander the Great to do all that and did it and so needs to be recognized and be given an award?
4) Again is it brandied about as an achievement? or what else?
5) She can do it jolly well and she is doing it. Brahmins have no problems either with you or with her. They can have you and her in their fold and yet survive as a commun ity. Nothing earth shaking is going to happen.
6) So you are speaking about your comeraderie. Well. You are good. anything more?
7) A whole lot of brahmin men and women of a range of ages have similar likings. So you are in good company. But nothing unique there.

Open and daring at 54? That is a joke, tells my wife. She is much more open and daring but does not brag about it in a blogspot.

vaagmiji
!. Dancing -there is no age limit for dancing. Anyone can dance for their own happiness.Dancing they do solo or with a partner. It is their wish

2.If you are doing something , why not brag. There is no law yet against bragging.Who knows the new govt might enact a law who can brag except the supreme leader.

3.In a tradition bound brahmin society, it takes some guts and homnesty to say openly that you do what you do.I may not want an award but I would not like to be

lynched either by a culture czar.
4.It is a boast. How many can hold a drink and not vomit making a spectacle of themselves?

5.. Thanks for realising we can still be part of brahmin communiy. Happy you do not feel threatened.

6.i am not talking of comraderie alone but also about my love for street food.

7. Do not say I am unique. Only I have the right to be as I love to be and have own preferances in films, cricket . Never said it was unique. But many do not like women

to have such preferances or like her to brag about it.. These women would like discretion as it might harm their relationship with their male husbands who are basically

insecure men.

.

 

[Vaagmi]

vaagmiji
!. Dancing -there is no age limit for dancing. Anyone can dance for their own happiness.Dancing they do solo or with a partner. It is their wish

2.If you are doing something , why not brag. There is no law yet against bragging.Who knows the new govt might enact a law who can brag except the supreme leader.

3.In a tradition bound brahmin society, it takes some guts and homnesty to say openly that you do what you do.I may not want an award but I would not like to be

lynched either by a culture czar.
4.It is a boast. How many can hold a drink and not vomit making a spectacle of themselves?

5.. Thanks for realising we can still be part of brahmin communiy. Happy you do not feel threatened.

6.i am not talking of comraderie alone but also about my love for street food.

7. Do not say I am unique. Only I have the right to be as I love to be and have own preferances in films, cricket . Never said it was unique. But many do not like women

to have such preferances or like her to brag about it.. These women would like discretion as it might harm their relationship with their male husbands who are basically

insecure men.

.

From what you have posted I get an impression that you have lived in a cloistered society for too long and so conditioned that way. So any day light is revolution for you.

LOL.

I am from a traditional brahmin household and people are known to live a sAtvik life style. No drinks, no disrespect to elders, a deep belief in God, pursuit of knowledge with a passion, humility when achievements come as milestones, defiance when odds turn against you, hard work, respect for womenfolk in home and outside etc., are the corner stones of this environment.

The women in our family-this includes immediate family as well as cousin's families-are all a happy lot enjoying freedom, right to education, right to own property, right to stick to their opinion, right to expression of views and finally right to differ with the men folk in the family and hold on to their position.

So there is nothing great or new about this Iyengar woman. She is just another women. I am not impressed the way you appear to be. But then I understand we come from different backgrounds perhaps.

As long as you do not harm the family with your views or actions it is okay--this is the bottom line when you live in a family environment. And that gives one a lot of moving space.

 

[krish44]

From what you have posted I get an impression that you have lived in a cloistered society for too long and so conditioned that way. So any day light is revolution for you.

LOL.

I am from a traditional brahmin household and people are known to live a sAtvik life style. No drinks, no disrespect to elders, a deep belief in God, pursuit of knowledge with a passion, humility when achievements come as milestones, defiance when odds turn against you, hard work, respect for womenfolk in home and outside etc., are the corner stones of this environment.

The women in our family-this includes immediate family as well as cousin's families-are all a happy lot enjoying freedom, right to education, right to own property, right to stick to their opinion, right to expression of views and finally right to differ with the men folk in the family and hold on to their position.

So there is nothing great or new about this Iyengar woman. She is just another women. I am not impressed the way you appear to be. But then I understand we come from different backgrounds perhaps.

As long as you do not harm the family with your views or actions it is okay--this is the bottom line when you live in a family environment. And that gives one a lot of moving space.

I understand your background and lifestyle.

As long as the next generation of your family can put up with it, it is fine.

I hope they believe in what you have stated as existing in your family.

In a fast changing society the existing order gets challenged .

Most families are unable to cope with the changes and the existing order collapses to give raise sometimes to something better.

One cannot live in a make believe world of own and not face realities around

iyengar/iyer women have changed.

Yesterday I attended a wedding of an NRI boy with a delhi iyer girl-daughter of a building contractor with middle east projects.

The women folk of NRI , they were dressed with painted faces, weird hairstyles, dancing ,talking in an accent both tamil and english, boisterous made me wonder how

much these have changed. Our delhi types also outdid them .Money can change people a lot. A lifestyle these people could have does not match with your description of

tamil brahmins to put it mildly.

Families evolve and respond to changes to cope with them .Whether the family gets harmed or it is just an adjustment at superficial level ,only time will tell.

 

[Vaagmi]

I understand your background and lifestyle.
As long as the next generation of your family can put up with it, it is fine.
I hope they believe in what you have stated as existing in your family.

The next generation and the upcoming generation next to that are all quite comfortable living in this environment. So you need not have an iota of doubt. And I do not have to lie.

In a fast changing society the existing order gets challenged .
Most families are unable to cope with the changes and the existing order collapses to give raise sometimes to something better.

Challenge we must. But not madly everything that is there. It will be then like my friend doing an atma pradakshina at every road junction believing that that will save him from any accident. That is madness. Similarly one who challenges traditions for the sake of challenging is just mad.

One cannot live in a make believe world of own and not face realities around

Realities are viewed differently by different people.

iyengar/iyer women have changed.

yes. They have changed just as the men have also changed. Change is ever present. Change does not spare anyone on the basis of gender.

Yesterday I attended a wedding of an NRI boy with a delhi iyer girl-daughter of a building contractor with middle east projects. The women folk of NRI , they were dressed with painted faces, weird hairstyles, dancing ,talking in an accent both tamil and english, boisterous made me wonder how much these have changed. Our delhi types also outdid them .Money can change people a lot. A lifestyle these people could have does not match with your description of tamil brahmins to put it mildly.

This obsession with and ogling at money is disturbing me. Now let me give up my restraint. We are rich. We do enjoy our wealth and the comfort that money brings with a lot of confidence and satisfaction. We are not the Newly Rich. Perhaps that may be a reason why money does not go to our heads. If I had attended the marriage that you mentioned, the dress, the hairstyle, the dancing, the accent etc would not have been even noticed by me. I would have just tried to understand the persons behind all these clutter even without realising I was doing it. May be because I am used to a lot of such situations that I have become efficient with my metrics. LOL. And yet all this would not affect my family's basic style of life. And most importantly we wont even care to discuss the weird styles amongst us after coming back from the marriage. That is what we are.

Families evolve and respond to changes to cope with them .Whether the family gets harmed or it is just an adjustment at superficial level ,only time will tell.

Again a doubting Thomas in you thumping his nose.

We (men and women) do know about the power and force of the changes and we have our own methods of handling these impinging forces. Particularly our women are far more balanced and intelligent and can handle all these forces well. The doubting Thomas in you can sleep peacefully or with acid secretions in stomach. LOL.

 

[Raji Ram]

Sometimes it is disgusting to see the dhobbAji mAmis with see-through sarees and heavy makeup,

dance to dappAnkoothu songs during mAppiLLai azhaippu, in brahmin weddings.
But it is their own freedom and whoever doesn't want to see them may keep away! eace:

 

[Vaagmi]

Sometimes it is disgusting to see the dhobbAji mAmis with see-through sarees and heavy makeup,

dance to dappAnkoothu songs during mAppiLLai azhaippu, in brahmin weddings.
But it is their own freedom and whoever doesn't want to see them may keep away! eace:

Similarly when I see dhobbaji mamis or mamas dancing a kuthu item in the audience when there are music competitions/bhajans going on in the stage I find it silly. Example Super Singer competition and Udayalur bhajan sessions.

 

[kunjuppu]

Sometimes it is disgusting to see the dhobbAji mAmis with see-through sarees and heavy makeup,

dance to dappAnkoothu songs during mAppiLLai azhaippu, in brahmin weddings.
But it is their own freedom and whoever doesn't want to see them may keep away! eace:

dear raji, good lady, do you know if there are any videos of such in the public domain

 

[Raji Ram]

Similarly when I see dhobbaji mamis or mamas dancing a kuthu item in the audience when there are music competitions/bhajans going on in the stage I find it silly. Example Super Singer competition and Udayalur bhajan sessions.

What about the famous 'Rangamma' bhajan of Sri. Vittaldas?

Enjoy: Rangammaa

 

[CHANDRU1849]

The pattern of song and dance sequences, as it seems, are direct import from Christian Evangelism. Only the God has been changed; it is Rama or Krishna.

 

[CHANDRU1849]

All this customs imposing is only for females..males do as they please.

I have seen even in NB community..they view a person who does not wear a thAli worse than a suicide bomber.

Yes. It prevails in all Religions. Only Hindu girls, especially B girls, in the pretext of oppression choose a boy from Abrahamic Religions, when situation arises, and follow their customs; probably an eye on meat items.

 

[krish44]

Vaagmiji
#163, I have given you a thumbs up more for your confidence than its content.

I wish it is true. Again you will say I am a doubting thomas.

Brahmins normally have a projection and reality gap.

They write what they would want to be a or how others should view them.

All this window dressing can please you .

We will continue to be doubting thomases discounting 50% of what you have written.This is also brahmin trait only.lol

 

[renuka]

Sometimes it is disgusting to see the dhobbAji mAmis with see-through sarees and heavy makeup,

dance to dappAnkoothu songs during mAppiLLai azhaippu, in brahmin weddings.
But it is their own freedom and whoever doesn't want to see them may keep away! eace:

Dear RR ji,

No one knows what problems a person faces in life..what goes thru their minds...a moment of dance and leisure might just let a person forget his/her problems for a moment.

I like to watch older people dance...you can see a child in them again.

A child dances without thinking about the world..so does an older person.

As we age..we actually become a child once again...so to be young again we need to let ourselves age.

 

[renuka]

You can be less complicated. Try playing the dumb doll and enjoy all the attention.

Ultimate reason for living is greater happiness for self.

Going from one monotony state to another will take a toll on you.

Basically you are insecure to trust anyone.

And want to decide everything yourself and suffer more.

More involvement with all and forgiving faults in those around being less critical of their perceived stupidity can make you less introvert.

Mixing and getting involved is the key to happiness. Of course whether you like only what is the harsh truth and isolate yourself more from imperfect people around you

they will think you are queer and would leave you with your monotony to grapple with. Bond and all will reciprocate. This is my philosophy. Try it for a change.

LOL!

Well I have to agree with part of what you wrote...I at times find it hard to trust anyone but I do know who to trust at least 99.99%.

There is nothing 100% in this world..even I do not trust myself 100% cos the human mind is fickle and it change directions anytime.

Nothing really wrong with that.

But I do not find fault with others..I think you can see in forum that I am diplomatic...even if I want to tell someone to go to hell I write a reply in such a way that one feels he has been invited to heaven!LOL

What is there to forgive when I have never judged anyone?

Only when we judge someone we see actions as right or wrong and expect an apology, we need to be forgiving.

I prefer solutions to any situations...that is a better approach cos expectations will not be high.

I do not view others as stupid or intelligent cos in the real sense no one is entirely intelligent or entirely stupid..we need both wisdom and ignorance to survive.

At the end of the day we all do not have answers to all questions and do not have questions for answers that are evident.

The veil of ignorance envelops everyone...dumb and dumber alike.

But I have to agree with you..I prefer being an introvert these days.

 

[krish44]

Renukaji
I like your answer.

You agree and disagree at the same time.

When someone talks about people talk about issues which require solution.lol

Say you are not judgemental and think what a mean guy .

Say who am I forgive and wait for a chance to fix the impertinent guy.

When you find someone stupid , say most are alternately stupid and intelligent praying some wisdom dawns on this character.

There are layers and layers .

A very intelligent introvert who prefers to be the way she is and cannot be easily made to accept any change.Lol

 

[Janaki Jambunathan]

When will we accept the social realities?
Times have changed and so have girls.
Being traditional and orthodox is no longer acceptable to girls.

This is social reality !

Back in the dark ages a Love Marriage was when you married the first guy you had sex with while an Arranged Marriage was when you married the first guy your parents wanted you to have sex with. First-time-sex was an important component of the whole business because we were raised to believe that virginity was practically as important as a beating heart when evaluating a woman’s fitness for wifedom. Plus our college was run by Catholic nuns and the Virgin Mary was a minor celebrity and a major role model of modesty and virtue – two very important traits in a wife.

“Marriage Bureaus are basically Tinder for arranged marriages,” my very sassy niece recently informed me. The only difference between the two is that in the case of a Marriage Bureau your mum, dad, and an assortment of nosey relatives are doing the swiping left. Or is it swiping right? As if to corroborate her point i then met a young man, we will call him Deepak, who told me that his parents were giving him serious grief about getting married. To avoid a scene with his over-zealous mother he had agreed to “see” some girls. He did and then unbeknownst to either set of parents he dated a few of them.

Every generation is the same and will do exactly what they want. If you really want to protect your girls then learn to trust their judgment. Because otherwise you run the risk of farming them out to the Deepaks of the world who are very much out there using your good offices as an alternative to a dating app.

https://www.google.co.in/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwjF1ITFiojMAhWBi5QKHT2ACVAQqQIIHDAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fblogs.timesofindia.indiatimes.com%2Fread-it-and-weep%2Fparent-approved-tinder-once-upon-a-time-there-used-to-be-marriage-bureaus%2F&usg=AFQjCNGuuZYTsg_LdOjTMUnF9jMRPd5A8A&sig2=arY_ZLD1FAJ120SOEYHvMQ

 

[Vaagmi]

Vaagmiji
#163, I have given you a thumbs up more for your confidence than its content.

I wish it is true. Again you will say I am a doubting thomas.

Brahmins normally have a projection and reality gap.

They write what they would want to be a or how others should view them.

All this window dressing can please you .

We will continue to be doubting thomases discounting 50% of what you have written.This is also brahmin trait only.lol

Well krishji,

I told you right in the beginning that I have no compelling reasons to lie. And you are indirectly telling me that I may be window dressing reality. You may have a gap between your projections and reality in which you live. But I have no such problem. May be Delhi is a weird place where the people live a different life altogether. LOL.

And I do not write for the thumps ups or down here. I am sure you are aware of my forthright presentation of views (good or bad). I do not fear nor do I mince words to be just nice to people. If you want please tell me I can ask another friend here to add a thumps down to neutralize your thumps up as it appears you have given it halfheartedly. I never do thing halfheartedly and I would advice that discipline to any one. Or if you can, please take it back. I do not want/need it. I just do not bother. Thank you.