Time For Brahmins To Change At Least in Marriages

[renuka]

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There is something called self-control. Someone religious enough and well-versed in spirituality knows how to practise it. It often appears sex is a central part of our existence, when the reality is that it is but a drop in the ocean.....



.

But if one is so called religious enough and well versed in spirituality then how come they do not know that its also religious obligation for a girl to get married?
So why all the delay?

 

[renuka]

hi doctor mam,

you know better than anybody....you stayed and studied.....just lesbians are more in the hostels...lol

I knew in my hostel there were a very very few lesbians but majority were straight.

 

[Raji Ram]

......... 1. Yes, this is the well-known "free ticket" formula. My reverse question to you is: Why can girls not do the same? I have seen it happen, but not in a single Tamil (let alone Brahmins).

2. As for relocating, I believe both the boy and the girl should be equally willing to relocate. There should be NO compromises on this end, and no double standards either.

1. Are you talking about girls taking boys for studies? Shows you are yet to get experience in this world!

If girls are sent for higher education by parents - which mostly happens, since they rarely get aid from any university! - they take the

upper hand in the family and select a person (mostly from other castes / religions) themselves! :hug:

2. If you talk about equality, then why do girls want taller, more qualified partner who earns more than them? Many IITan girls I know

have refused to marry boys educated in less known institutions, after entering it with a capitation fee!

 

[yesmohan]

And who gives the logic that a girl HAS to marry a better educated man?

What makes you think a B.Tech from one institute is actually better than a BSc from another?

Why this shallow thinking? Where did it come from? Clearly, we claim to be Brahmins but have forgotten that education is not what is written on the paper but what goes inside our head....[/COLOR]

Only conventional thinking has been leading to the logic that a girl HAS to marry a better educated man.
After, all we are all not wishing, matrimonial alliance between two pieces of papers.... degree certificates?
To start with, Who is to bell the cat?
the parents ? are the girls themselves?
the cinematic scenes where a Auto driver / manual labourer is being madly loved by a doctor girl and marry him at the end after a climax?
We also wish it to happen in the silver screen.
For a difference, visualising some distant scenes in future, the role of "house husbands" instead of " housewives" is also a welcome change.
Nothing is ruled out, as the most of the unmarried Ambis / Mamaas are not adequately qualified and lacking behind to girls.
We can't expect any change unless growing Ambis an their parents have the realisation at the early stage itself.

 

[XLR8R]

Are you talking about girls taking boys for studies? Shows you are yet to get experience in this world!

What does my experience have to do with a simple question? I asked you why they cannot find it in their hearts to do it. Are you suggesting women have less altruism in their hearts by default? That they are more selfish as a matter of nature? I don't believe it - if this happens, it's because they have been raised that way.

It's an age of equality - time for women to take responsibility of the facts as well.

Girls wanting taller, more qualified men is again the result of brainwashing, passed down from generations, thanks to media (film, literature, etc.) and dominance perspectives (taller is supposed to dominate....). It is the result of conventional thinking, which often arises from an inability to properly use the brain.

BTW, IIT and capitation fees? Explain. As for IITian girls refusing to marry non-IITians, this is a well known problem in society, which is why women face problems making it to higher positions in any organisations (because everyone is aware that a woman, thanks to brainwashing, may reject men on frivolous grounds owing to ego generated from a high position). It is cyclic and the root cause is you yourselves. Wake up. Change your thinking. Teach your kids better.....

For a difference, visualising some distant scenes in future, the role of "house husbands" instead of " housewives" is also a welcome change.
Nothing is ruled out, as the most of the unmarried Ambis / Mamaas are not adequately qualified and lacking behind to girls.
We can't expect any change unless growing Ambis an their parents have the realisation at the early stage itself.

True, and that is why we need to change on a community and society level.

 

[tbs]

[/B][/FONT][/COLOR]
What does my experience have to do with a simple question? I asked you why they cannot find it in their hearts to do it. Are you suggesting women have less altruism in their hearts by default? That they are more selfish as a matter of nature? I don't believe it - if this happens, it's because they have been raised that way.

It's an age of equality - time for women to take responsibility of the facts as well.

Girls wanting taller, more qualified men is again the result of brainwashing, passed down from generations, thanks to media (film, literature, etc.) and dominance perspectives (taller is supposed to dominate....). It is the result of conventional thinking, which often arises from an inability to properly use the brain.

BTW, IIT and capitation fees? Explain. As for IITian girls refusing to marry non-IITians, this is a well known problem in society, which is why women face problems making it to higher positions in any organisations (because everyone is aware that a woman, thanks to brainwashing, may reject men on frivolous grounds owing to ego generated from a high position). It is cyclic and the root cause is you yourselves. Wake up. Change your thinking. Teach your kids better.....



True, and that is why we need to change on a community and society level.

hi

who will tie the bell the cat?......even highly educated developed nations are also problem of GENDER INEQUALITY......we are

just developing nation.....never developed so far....

 

[Raji Ram]

1. What does my experience have to do with a simple question?

2. I asked you why they cannot find it in their hearts to do it. Are you suggesting women have less altruism in their hearts by default? That they are more selfish as a matter of nature? I don't believe it - if this happens, it's because they have been raised that way.

3. It's an age of equality - time for women to take responsibility of the facts as well.

4. Girls wanting taller, more qualified men is again the result of brainwashing, passed down from generations, thanks to media (film, literature, etc.) and dominance perspectives (taller is supposed to dominate....). It is the result of conventional thinking, which often arises from an inability to properly use the brain.

5. BTW, IIT and capitation fees? Explain. As for IITian girls refusing to marry non-IITians, this is a well known problem in society, which is why women face problems making it to higher positions in any organisations (because everyone is aware that a woman, thanks to brainwashing, may reject men on frivolous grounds owing to ego generated from a high position). It is cyclic and the root cause is you yourselves. Wake up. Change your thinking. Teach your kids better.....

1. Experience makes us see and understand how the modern trend differs! :decision:

2. Have you not heard 'Vanity, thy name is woman'?

You must hear the way moms of girls to be married, talk to the boy's parents! (again experience! )

3. Most of the women have the responsibility - to take care of their parents and seldom their in-laws!

4. Tall boys waiting for tall girls (sometimes the reason for delayed marriage) and vice versa will never change.

And, never the reverse of Big B and Jaya!

5. You missed the point. Capitation fee for less known institutions - meaning low percentage of marks. :sad:

I wish the parents of the boys give them good education and enable them to take up prestigious jobs!

A girl will never ever accept a less educated and less earning spouse! :nono:

 

[renuka]

[/B][/FONT][/COLOR]

Girls wanting taller, more qualified men is again the result of brainwashing, passed down from generations, thanks to media (film, literature, etc.) and dominance perspectives (taller is supposed to dominate....). It is the result of conventional thinking, which often arises from an inability to properly use the brain.
.

Dear Accelerator,

I would beg to differ about this...its not brain washing that females prefer taller males.
It could have an emotional basis.

Height of a male is seen as being capable and protective for a female..when we have to look up a little to someone that person exudes a sense of authority and we females might finally "submit'.

A male who is of our same height or even shorter than a female..somehow does not get the same regard or respect as a taller male.

A female looks for a potential mate that can make her feel secure..if a male is taller than her it makes her feel cared for and protected..but if a male is shorter than her or the same height a female will either get maternal feeling or sisterly feelings.

So its not as if the brains of a female is not working well..its just that taller means a better sense of security.

Now coming to other factors..

Height is a very important physical attribute for both male and females.
A good height adds confidence and poise.

Beauty too only gets recognition when it comes with height.

Aishwarya Rai is 5 feet 7 inches a good height for a woman but if she was even 1 inch shoter she would have never been a Miss World cos height too is a criteria for beauty as a whole package.
Beauty isnt just about a face..its face,hair, healthy skin,height,body and not to mention character and intellect.

Coming to males..a good height can compensate for lack of a handsome face cos height does confer a good personality.

There are very few men who are not too tall but have striking personalities.

I can only think of Shah Rukh Khan..he is only 5 feet 8 but has a striking personality which covers his lack of height..otherwise most not so tall men get totally unnoticed.

So I guess Godzilla rules! Size does matter!

BTW I wonder..when it comes to marriage males have a long list of attributes they want in a female ranging from skin color to beauty and dowry..that time how come the lack of brains reasoning is not applied for a male?

I wonder????

Lastly..some of us females love to wear high heels with some outfits..so husband surely has to be taller otherwise he will look shorter!LOL

 

[Raji Ram]

We had a real tough time to select a good match for a girl (IITan) in my extended family because she is 5' 11'' in height;

double Masters degree holder, settled in the U S of A. Her birth star added more problems, while the search was on.

Anyway, all is well that ends well. She got married to a PhD. :thumb:

 

[renuka]

As a female surely we want someone of our own rank and education status.

A matching wave length and IQ is very important to sustain a good marriage.

Marrying someone who does not match our IQ is asking for trouble cos men can get an inferiority complex very fast if his wife is more qualified than him.

So its safe to marry an intellectual and professional equal.

 

[Raji Ram]

...... Lastly..some of us females love to wear high heels with some outfits..so husband surely has to be taller otherwise he will look shorter!LOL

Not to worry, dear Renu! Look here:

Source: Google images

 

[Raji Ram]

Well said, Renu!

Compromise can be in age but not in intellect!

 

[renuka]

Dear RR ji,

Wearing shoes for a male to look taller is not enough cos shoes are not passed down genetically!LOL

Surely we would want our kids to inherit the tall gene if possible and not inherit the tall shoes.

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear RR ji,

Wearing shoes for a male to look taller is not enough cos shoes are not passed down genetically!LOL

Surely we would want our kids to inherit the tall gene if possible and not inherit the tall shoes.

Dear Renu,

But some tall fathers beget short sons and it is because of the height of grand parents!

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Renu,

You will be surprised to know that the 5' 11'' girl's parents are like Big B and Jaya, in height!

She took her father's gene!

 

[renuka]

Dear Renu,

But some tall fathers beget short sons and it is because of the height of grand parents!

dear RR ji,

yes you are right..that is why I wrote "to inherit the tall gene if possible".

But it worked out well for me..,my tall husband and rather tall me and my son is very tall.

 

[XLR8R]

1. Experience makes us see and understand how the modern trend differs! :decision:

2. Have you not heard 'Vanity, thy name is woman'?

You must hear the way moms of girls to be married, talk to the boy's parents! (again experience! )

3. Most of the women have the responsibility - to take care of their parents and seldom their in-laws!

4. Tall boys waiting for tall girls (sometimes the reason for delayed marriage) and vice versa will never change.

And, never the reverse of Big B and Jaya!

5. You missed the point. Capitation fee for less known institutions - meaning low percentage of marks. :sad:

I wish the parents of the boys give them good education and enable them to take up prestigious jobs!

A girl will never ever accept a less educated and less earning spouse! :nono:

1) Experience is not following the trend: Experience is to understand and find alternatives to trends. And to figure out where flaws are and how to correct them.

2) If men have changed, so must women. This is a two way street. Do not paint a negative trait (being vain) as a feminine quality.

3) So do most of the men. Some just choose to outsource it to their wives and/or siblings (also a wrong thing).

4) Bears and elephants are taller than man, yet man is the dominant species. Why? Because survival and progress depends on brains, not height and weight.

5) Again with this marks mentality. Who told you that marks = knowledge or aptitude? Wrong attitude. I will repeat that one must not claim to be Brahmin if one does not understand that knowledge is what you learnt in your mind and heart and not what you acquired on paper.

6) What defines "prestige"? 1 Lakh per month package in BPO where you deliver bad customer service day after day to unsatisfied customers? A nice IT job where you serve client after client from x and y nation at odd hours? If money defines the prestige you should know that traditional job of Brahmins was never a very rich affair (priestly duties).

7) I know the reality. But the reality will change as people become educated. It is useless to stick to old idioms and norms that cannot possibly be considered rational in current age.

BTW I wonder..when it comes to marriage males have a long list of attributes they want in a female ranging from skin color to beauty and dowry..that time how come the lack of brains reasoning is not applied for a male?

Also stupidity. Needs to go out the window. I am not a person of double standards, I will call out anything I see as unfit.

Marrying someone who does not match our IQ is asking for trouble cos men can get an inferiority complex very fast if his wife is more qualified than him.

Generalisations. I have observed the exact same phenomenon in ladies. Should I start passing it out as the truth?

But it worked out well for me..,my tall husband and rather tall me and my son is very tall.

Again, the magnitude of mental thought holds ten thousand times more importance than the appearance of security via physical means. That being said, people will learn this at their own pace. Meanwhile, we can all celebrate our respective heights....

 

[XLR8R]

But if one is so called religious enough and well versed in spirituality then how come they do not know that its also religious obligation for a girl to get married?
So why all the delay?

Why the hurry?

who will tie the bell the cat?......even highly educated developed nations are also problem of GENDER INEQUALITY......we are

just developing nation.....never developed so far....

Since we are developing ("growing") nation, we have a chance to right several wrongs. It saddens me that people are not taking efforts.....

 

[Raji Ram]

1) Experience is not following the trend: Experience is to understand and find alternatives to trends. And to figure out where flaws are and how to correct them.

2) If men have changed, so must women. This is a two way street. Do not paint a negative trait (being vain) as a feminine quality.

3) So do most of the men. Some just choose to outsource it to their wives and/or siblings (also a wrong thing).

4) Bears and elephants are taller than man, yet man is the dominant species. Why? Because survival and progress depends on brains, not height and weight.

5) Again with this marks mentality. Who told you that marks = knowledge or aptitude? Wrong attitude. I will repeat that one must not claim to be Brahmin if one does not understand that knowledge is what you learnt in your mind and heart and not what you acquired on paper.

6) What defines "prestige"? 1 Lakh per month package in BPO where you deliver bad customer service day after day to unsatisfied customers? A nice IT job where you serve client after client from x and y nation at odd hours? If money defines the prestige you should know that traditional job of Brahmins was never a very rich affair (priestly duties).

7) I know the reality. But the reality will change as people become educated. It is useless to stick to old idioms and norms that cannot possibly be considered rational in current age.

1. Experience is different from decisions / reforms!

Dictionary says: ''experience
- noun

1. practical contact with and observation of facts or events.

2. an event or occurrence which leaves an impression on someone.''

2. Please talk to some mAmis whose children have had education from reputed institutes and also to girls from such

institutions.

3. That was in my generation! Now, girls have given nick names to parents in law and keep them away! :lol:

4. We don't have to bother about bears and elephants since they can't be mates to humans! :nono:

5. OMG! But when a person searches for a job, what is ON the paper is given more value!

6. Money makes the world go round and hence many brahmins have quit their traditional jobs long long back!! :bolt:

But we should not forget that some sAstrigaLs are richer than many officials.

7. Oh! This rational thinking IS the reason for IC and IR weddings!

 

[XLR8R]

1. Experience is different from decisions / reforms!

Dictionary says: ''experience
- noun

1. practical contact with and observation of facts or events.

2. an event or occurrence which leaves an impression on someone.''

2. Please talk to some mAmis whose children have had education from reputed institutes and also to girls from such

institutions.

3. That was in my generation! Now, girls have given nick names to parents in law and keep them away! :lol:

4. We don't have to bother about bears and elephants since they can't be mates to humans! :nono:

5. OMG! But when a person searches for a job, what is ON the paper is given more value!

6. Money makes the world go round and hence many brahmins have quit their traditional jobs long long back!! :bolt:

But we should not forget that some sAstrigaLs are richer than many officials.

7. Oh! This rational thinking IS the reason for IC and IR weddings!

1) Decisions and reforms (if any) are a direct result of experience.

2) I have. You'll be surprised to know not all educated women are like this. I too believed that it was the general case....well, living outside TN has been a boon to me because I have not seen too many of such cases.

3) Seems that certain women are becoming haughty. Well, not my concern. In laws are as much my family as hers. Now if someone else thinks differently, so be it.

4) You won't necessarily be mating with the tallest African tribal man either. It depends on a lot of things. Mating is done for survival. Survival is not dependent on physical features, it is dependent on intellect. To ignore that means eventual extinction (why did dinosaurs go away?).....If you are legitimately worried about the state of the community, then hear me out when I say this is where we are headed.

5) Did you know that Brahmins were always a minority? In olden days, we never cared what the majority thinks. The majority population deems that as good which it can digest, and which is easily accessible to it. We weren't that, and yet we weren't outcasts and were integrated into society.

Using this example....what people think isn't as important as what you have fulfilled yourself. In your heart and in your mind. It has to karmically make sense, or else it is worthless.

6) Nothing wrong with earning money - you can be uneducated and still earn in lakhs, or you can be educated and not earn much. Results aren't really significant - what you learnt getting there is....

7) IC and IR is going to increase because eventually more and more people will realise that certain things are just plain nonsensical. Why would I want to even get involved in a society that only cares about my money and qualification, shallow things like height and weight, and gives less importance to my background, personality, or my aims and objectives in life?

Maybe I (or anyone else) can find like-minded people outside the community, and hence will decide accordingly?

Apathy is death. To be apathetic to changing scenarios spells doom for the community. It's time to open your minds.

 

[Raji Ram]

Debate turning towards X rate! :shocked:

Let me bid good bye to this thread but not before saying that tambram girls are good enough to think for themselves and if they

are allowed to work for a couple of years after studies, they will seldom listen to what their parents say! That is today's scenario! :wave:

 

[XLR8R]

Debate turning towards X rate! :shocked:

Let me bid good bye to this thread but not before saying that tambram girls are good enough to think for themselves and if they

are allowed to work for a couple of years after studies, they will seldom listen to what their parents say! That is today's scenario! :wave:

All that is fine - I fully support letting girls (or boys) make their own decisions. What that decision is will ultimately be a function of their own mentality (obviously, very variable).

 

[sarang]

In the west too one century ago marriages were between known families irrespective of social status. Migration out of community, opportunities for making money, women's liberation etc has widened the choice of mates with or without pre marital experience.
We know in which direction divorces.and stable family are heading in the west..They too want to lower marriage age for many reasons. Wild marriages bypassing family and social norms will.bear their own wild fruits.

 

[XLR8R]

In the west too one century ago marriages were between known families irrespective of social status. Migration out of community, opportunities for making money, women's liberation etc has widened the choice of mates with or without pre marital experience.
We know in which direction divorces.and stable family are heading in the west..They too want to lower marriage age for many reasons. Wild marriages bypassing family and social norms will.bear their own wild fruits.

Speaking of divorce rates, here's a little article:

http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-myth-of-the-high-rate-of-divorce/

Divorce rate is high when marriage age is low, because of the lack of emotional maturity.

our society really has two very separate divorce rates, a lower rate (by half) for college-educated women who marry after the age of 25 and a much higher rate for poor, primarily minority women who marry before the age of 25 and do not have a college degree. (Most of the research focused on women; the little I read about men suggested similar outcomes.)

... Early marriage, early pregnancy, early divorce is a cycle of broken families that contributes significantly to maintaining poverty. The cost to our society is enormous.

 

[yesmohan]

[h=2]Dr. Kalman Heller's statement was made after analysing the data collected from a country in which he dwells. That may be correct or nearer to truth for the society in the country from which random samples are taken and analysed.[/h]That survey result need not hold good for Tamil Brahmins, whose culture is diametrically different. We can not come to a conclusion by comparing incomparable.