Wedding between Tamil Brahmin and Seer Karuneegar

[Maash]

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Namaskaram to all!

I am tamil brahmin iyer girl. I like a guy who is not a brahmin. He belongs to a caste called the Karuneegar/Seer Karuneegar Pillai and he belongs to Janaka Maharishi gothram.

I read that Karuneegars are from Kayasthas lineage and that they belong to both brahmin and kshatriya varnas. So can I consider him as a brahmin. Will he be eligible to wear a poonal during our wedding?

I am usually not a person who is so much into castes but this would really help when I am talking to my parents regarding the same.

My mom says if I marry a person who is not a brahmin, I lose my brahmin status and that I am not even allowed to wear madissar ( which is one of my favorite attire ).

Any insights would be very helpful.

Thanks in advance.


Maash

 

[Kuvalayavalli]

Dearest Maash,

Firstly my best wishes to you to get married and live a long and happy married life.

But as regards choosing your life partner, you seem to be confused about your priorities.

If you do not value/honor caste, you ought not to care about the caste of your chosen groom.

If you Love him, you have no business to bother about who will approve or object.

First set your priorities right. Have a clear mind.

You are marrying a Human Being, a Man. You are not marrying a caste, tradition, religion etc.

Wearing Madissar is your most strict personal opinion. No one has any right to object to your wearing whatever dress as long as it is modest.

There is no written law in the Indian Penal Code that you would be penalized for wearing a Madissar if you marry a Non-Brahmin.

Brahmins do not have any copyright or patent for madissar.

Madissar is a costume Women wear.

Talks about losing-brahmin-status do not make any sense.

Few who call themselves brahmins are being brahmins.

You are a brahmin as long as you seek the Truth, live righteously, Love others, virtuous, trust in God, live a Godly, pious life.

My advice is, go ahead and marry the man whom you love.

My best wishes to you and may God bless you.

 

[krish44]

dear maash
my wifes colleague ,a UP kayasth married a tamil iyengar with all tamil iyengar rituals. both of them have been married 30 plus years

she wore madisar sree vaishnavite style and their children carry traditional iyengar names

I am an iyengar , my daughter married a telugu iyer she wears separate three thalis as per tradions of both tamil iyengar and telugu brahmins. in fact her neck is full of

thaalis of various types. most ladies hang their thaalis on bed stand at home after marriage . how many wear it all the time

I am sure you would not wear madisar except at the time of marriage or a few special occassions

at my sons wedding , the girls side wore madisar iyer style as they were iyers and my side iyengar style

all these are not much relevant

if you can get acceptability and agreement on the rituals ,it can go thru smoothly

only your children need to worry about their identity . that when it comes to their marriage . who knows what happens 25 years hence.

good luck to you

krish44

 

[prasad1]

Congratulation.
What others say should not matter to you as you have already made a decision to break one taboo.
You want to wear Madishar or Bikini is purely up to you.
This will not be only obstacle thrown in your path, get used to it.
Wish you all the courage, and good luck.

A friend of mine (iyangar) married an American (WASP) and wears Madishar on special occasions, and even her mother encourages it. Her family is the Guru of Royal family for generations.

 

[CHANDRU1849]

Dearest Maash,

Firstly my best wishes to you to get married and live a long and happy married life.

But as regards choosing your life partner, you seem to be confused about your priorities.

If you do not value/honor caste, you ought not to care about the caste of your chosen groom.

If you Love him, you have no business to bother about who will approve or object.

First set your priorities right. Have a clear mind.

You are marrying a Human Being, a Man. You are not marrying a caste, tradition, religion etc.

Wearing Madissar is your most strict personal opinion. No one has any right to object to your wearing whatever dress as long as it is modest.

There is no written law in the Indian Penal Code that you would be penalized for wearing a Madissar if you marry a Non-Brahmin.

Brahmins do not have any copyright or patent for madissar.

Madissar is a costume Women wear.

Talks about losing-brahmin-status do not make any sense.

Few who call themselves brahmins are being brahmins.

You are a brahmin as long as you seek the Truth, live righteously, Love others, virtuous, trust in God, live a Godly, pious life.

My advice is, go ahead and marry the man whom you love.

My best wishes to you and may God bless you.

Will you give similar advice to a Christian girl if she marries a muslim or hindu?

 

[Jaykay767]

Hi Maash,

Pl always evaluate very thoroughly the pros & cons ofany decision you make. Then think very hard whether you will be comfortablewith it for the next 30+ yrs !!..

For eg, in almost all cases of Brahmin & Non Brahmin marriages,the Kids always always want to marry a Brahmin. And unfortunately it neverhappens & most of the kids will blame their parents.

So your decision will have severe long term impact. Will yoube okay if your Kids come & tell you that they only want to marry a Brahmin25 yrs from now & none of the Brahmin families agree for the alliance ???

Apart from this, you will face problems from day 1 of themarriage from everyone. Priests will notdo the poonal ceremony for the mixed marriage kids… & slowly all the 1000sof yrs of traditions zealously guarded by our ancestors & rightly treasuredby you will die right before your eyes…

Now in the heat of the passion, no one will bother. All thisreal issues will become very important after marriage..

Cheers,
JK

 

[biswa]

You are a brahmin as long as you seek the Truth, live righteously, Love others, virtuous, trust in God, live a Godly, pious life.

My best wishes to you and may God bless you.

Which God are we talking about? MahaVishnu or Jesus Christ? Is a Brahmin allowed to believe in Jesus Christ and still remain a Brahmin?

 

[tks]

Namaskaram to all!

I am tamil brahmin iyer girl. I like a guy who is not a brahmin. He belongs to a caste called the Karuneegar/Seer Karuneegar Pillai and he belongs to Janaka Maharishi gothram.

I read that Karuneegars are from Kayasthas lineage and that they belong to both brahmin and kshatriya varnas. So can I consider him as a brahmin. Will he be eligible to wear a poonal during our wedding?

I am usually not a person who is so much into castes but this would really help when I am talking to my parents regarding the same.

My mom says if I marry a person who is not a brahmin, I lose my brahmin status and that I am not even allowed to wear madissar ( which is one of my favorite attire ).

Any insights would be very helpful.

Thanks in advance.


Maash

Smt Maash

I think you have posed a thoughtful question the way I interpret it.

You want to marry someone who is a non-brahmin but do not want to alienate your parents in the process.

Your parents do care deeply about your welfare and hence it is good that you care about what they think.

It is easy to drop everything and just marry someone - that kind of decision without trying to work other issues is not a wise move in my opinion. Please ignore anyone who suggests to ignore all else and just marry this person.

First, be very sure why you want to marry this person in the first place without thinking about his being not a Brahmin by birth.

If he is someone of strong character he may be right for you. Let your feelings of infatuation not come in this important decision. If you are very sure about his sense of integrity and his competence then you want to seek full support of your mother to ahead with your wedding.

You can tell your mother that Brahmin by qualities (Sattvic, high integrity, focus on excellence, keeps his word, etc) is what is emphasized in our scriptures. You can tell them that he may be born as a non-brahmin but he is a Brahmin by qualities as emphasized in our scriptures such as Bhagavad Gita.

Tell them that aspects like Madisar way of wearing Sari are superficial and are merely cultural expressions of Brahmins. You can tell them there are no books and no person that prohibit doing these cultural activities by anyone. Tell them that your husband will not mind if you follow Brahmin culture/customs along with their customs (find out that this is not going to be an issue first).

If the person you want to marry does not mind your future children being raised in Brahmin culture then it is good to know that and you can share that with your mother as well. If there are objections you want to find out more about what the objections are now itself. If the suggestions are acceptable then you can share that with your mother also.

Assure your mother that you will never give her up and that her blessings are key for your happiness.

If in going through all these steps you find you have a change of heart so be it.

If your resolve to get married to this person is beyond the initial infatuation I am sure most reasonable parents including yours will bless you and support you.

I am probably older than you and so I offer my blessings to you that you end up doing the right thing and that you have a long and prosperous life

 

[sravna]

Dear Maash,

Dilemmas occur when one is confronted with two choices each of them one can chose for seemingly equally strong reasons. I would say which one to choose should be based on the long term happiness one is likely to derive. That would happen by ensuring that the unchosen option doesn't keep haunting you. I see two strong opposing factors in this, one is how deeply you love the person and the other is how strongly would marrying the person antagonize your family. If you deeply love the person, the best thing to do is to try to convince your mother about your love and I think your mother is likely to understand. If you are nor sure about your love, the best thing is to drop off the relationship as you can always find a person as per the wishes of your mother and also truly love him.

 

[renuka]

Dear Maash,

Out here you are going to get 2 types of responses..

The 1st type is "God ahead..If you love him marry him" and encourage you.

The 2nd type which might feel that "Non Brahmin Dulhanya Le Jayenge!" and might discourage you.

So brace yourself for all types of answers.

For me I will be point blank..my answer is not going to be from Bhagavad Geeta or Manu Smirti or talk about Varna Sankar and Gunas blah blah blah..my answer is going to be from the Kama Sutra!

Here goes...I am typing this word for word from an article I read..(no authors name was given in that article..but it was written by a Swamiji).

The Swamiji says:

Vatsyayana in his Kama Sutra speaks about the relationship between husband and wife.It may sound strange..but this is how he explains it.

The relationship between husband and wife begins in sex.The ultimate goal of a married relationship should flower into compassion.
I call this ladder of love as the incremental growth in relation between husband and wife.

Sex--Love--Friendliness---Devotion---Compassion.

The center of sex is lust.

The center of love is caring.

The center of friendliness is non-domination.

The center of devotion is sacredness.

The center of compassion is forgiveness.

The relationship between a husband and wife begins in lust as mentioned above..the next stage is caring------- they feel for each other.

The 3rd stage is friendship that blossoms between the two.

In pure friendship persons can remain in equality.They would not feel that one is inferior to the other.

They would not plot to ruin each other.There is no domination of one over the other.

When friendship develops between the husband and wife..both of them would cherish their relationship as something sacred;they would protect the relationship.

The final stage in this relationship is compassion.The basis of compassion is forgiveness.Whether its husband or wife,it is but natural,mistakes do happen.

Forgiving mistakes made by the other is the last and highest stage of the relationship.Only at this level does the relationship become complete.

Can you transform a sexual relationship into a sacred relationship?
In this process a spiritual intimacy will develop.

If your relationship has forgiving quality,then you dont bug each other but lovingly hug each other.
Only in this space is a relationship fulfilling.

Ok Maash..if you see this happening eventually in your relationship..the go ahead and get married..Prasad ji is right..dont worry too much about attire like Madisar..feel free to wear a Hijab or even a Bikini!

Take care and have fun!

Point to note: Deiviga Kadhal comes in only in final stage!

 

[vgane]

Dear Maash,

Though it is your personal decision more than 80% of Tambrahm girls who married Non Brahmins Hindus or Non Hindu are unhappy with their current plight after just 2 years from their marriage..They are ruing their decisions that was done in the heat of the moment!

Some of them have been thrown out of their NB houses, some are planning remarriage to a Brahmin boy, some are divorced and balance are still caught in the web of marriage and are unable to escape the fangs..They are not liked by their in laws families in most of the cases! I have also seen a few cases where the in laws pressurize the boy to remarry another girl from their own community!The girls loose the support of their siblings too!

My suggestion is for you to take the advice of your parents before marrying a boy from different caste

All the love and infatuation are for a short period..They will wither away after 6 months of marriage

Good luck! Take care!

 

[Raji Ram]

It is very true that parents with I C weddings, where either on of the couple is a brahmin, wish to select only brahmins for their wards!

This might also vanish in a couple of decades, since I C and I R weddings are increasing in number!


In this case, ONLY if the boy and his family will allow Maash to continue her life as a brahmin girl, she can think of wearing madisAr

on auspicious days. So far, when a brahmin girl marries a NB guy, the wedding is only in groom's family style! But when the groom is

an American, there are sAsthirgaLs who perform nAmakaraNam, anna prasannam and poonool ceremony for that guy on the wedding day!

One such guy changed his name as Shankar and all the gentlemen in his family wore poonool over their silk jibbAs! It was really funny!

But will a NB guy's family in India allow these? :noidea:


My friend's daughter married a NB guy and the marriage was in the groom's family style! And, I was happy to see the newly weds

do pAdhapoojai to both their parents, where as in brahmin wedding, the girl's father does it for the groom!

 

[CHANDRU1849]

First, I am not against inter caste marriage, if it is accepted by the families of both sides.

You are marrying a Human Being, a Man. You are not marrying a caste, tradition, religion et

You are perfect convert and a good preacher, without Bible, this time. I think you have married only a man and not his religion and you are following only your parental religion. Otherwise, you are only a good preacher and not a practioner.

Wearing Madissar is your most strict personal opinion. No one has any right to object to your wearing whatever dress as long as it is modest.

Wearing a saree is a common thing among Indian ladies. But Madisar is exclusive to Brahmin ladies, in South India, that too only after marriage. Why do you want to change the custom, when you are not in Brahmins any more?

Since you are a convert, you may not know that there are three types of Madisars for Smarthas, Vaishnavas and Madhwas. If an Iyengar or Madhwa girl marries an Iyer boy, usually the girl will be asked to wear Madisar in line with Smarthas and vice versa. It may not look nice when the girl marries an NB boy and wears Madisar and it will be looked upon differently. Since the girl wants to cross the Lakshman Rekha, why is she giving importance to it? Once becoming an NB after marriage, let her be in NB's fold and criss crossing will confuse everybody.

It clearly shows your frustration that you are finding it difficult to wear Madisar.

If dress code is individual's choice, will it go well if other religious men and women follow the dress code of your priests and nuns? Will your converted religion accept?

Brahmins do not have any copyright or patent for madissar.

Yes. It is exclusive only to Brahmins in South India. Since you are a convert, you probably don't know this. For the sake of curiosity or antagonizing Brahmins, you may wear Madisar and may be laughed at. It will definitely fetch any respect or appreciation.


MUZHUVATHUM NANAINTHA PIRAGU MUKKADU ETHARKKU?

This applies to you also (a perfect convert (?)). Long live your conversion.

 

[krish44]

Dear Maash,

Out here you are going to get 2 types of responses..

The 1st type is "God ahead..If you love him marry him" and encourage you.

The 2nd type which might feel that "Non Brahmin Dulhanya Le Jayenge!" and might discourage you.

So brace yourself for all types of answers.

For me I will be point blank..my answer is not going to be from Bhagavad Geeta or Manu Smirti or talk about Varna Sankar and Gunas blah blah blah..my answer is going to be from the Kama Sutra!

Here goes...I am typing this word for word from an article I read..(no authors name was given in that article..but it was written by a Swamiji).




Ok Maash..if you see this happening eventually in your relationship..the go ahead and get married..Prasad ji is right..dont worry too much about attire like Madisar..feel free to wear a Hijab or even a Bikini!

Take care and have fun!

Point to note: Deiviga Kadhal comes in only in final stage!

great post .renukaji

swamiji might have become one after the sex stage and running away from it all to become a swami realising all the complexities associated with marriage.lol

if you are a man ,it is your duty to remain unmarried as long as possible . if you are a girl get married as early as possible

if any couple reach the friendship stage they should consider themselves lucky

the states of feeling sacred,compassion,spirituality are lofty ideals not for simple marriage relationship.these are matters for tamil/hindi film plots and TV serials

most couple fight like cats and most marriages reaches a stage of little or no communication .

there is no sense in over selling marriage to youngsters .

as it is people are afraid to get into long term relationships . most [specially men] would prefer one night stands and some might reach live in stage

why are you making marriage sound so complicated

learn from poor section of society .

both man and wife are normally economic entities

they marry and go their separate ways if things do not work out

I have a lady who irons my clothes .she used to have a shop where both she and her husband used to share work

when her man preferred the company of his friend and his wife , she coolly got rid of the man and made her son her work partner . the other lady [friends wife]

poor girl has to manage two men [husband and my ironing ladies husband].her husband now stays with his friend and his wife. this group of three has set up a shop two

or three kilometres away for ironing clothes

can higher castes be so radical in managing relationships in which cracks appear.

great arrangement satisfactory for all.

 

[renuka]

It is very true that parents with I C weddings, where either on of the couple is a brahmin, wish to select only brahmins for their wards!

This might also vanish in a couple of decades, since I C and I R weddings are increasing in number!


In this case, ONLY if the boy and his family will allow Maash to continue her life as a brahmin girl, she can think of wearing madisAr

on auspicious days. So far, when a brahmin girl marries a NB guy, the wedding is only in groom's family style! But when the groom is

an American, there are sAsthirgaLs who perform nAmakaraNam, anna prasannam and poonool ceremony for that guy on the wedding day!

One such guy changed his name as Shankar and all the gentlemen in his family wore poonool over their silk jibbAs! It was really funny!

But will a NB guy's family in India allow these? :noidea:


My friend's daughter married a NB guy and the marriage was in the groom's family style! And, I was happy to see the newly weds

do pAdhapoojai to both their parents, where as in brahmin wedding, the girl's father does it for the groom!

Dear RR ji,

I dont get it..why should any Indian Hindu girl even complain that the wedding did not go per her community tradition, when as far as I know Hindus are brought up to follow the tradition of husband..since Gotra Shotra even changes after marriage..so why complain about a wedding?

After all it only a wedding...which ever way it goes one is still husband and wife.

I remember when I was newly wed right after my honeymoon..a lady in the small town I lived in at that time wanted to work as a cleaner for me..she had spoken to my mother earlier and she found out I am a newly wed..one day she asked me where did I go to for my honeymoon.

I told her I went to Penang(North of Msia) and she was shocked ..she said "What! You are a doctor and you did not go overseas for a honeymoon..even people who are holding small jobs go overseas" and she started to laugh.

Then I told her "you see what does one need in a honeymoon?"

She said "I dont know?"

I said "one only needs a room! so whether the room is in the USA or in Penang or even in my own house..it makes no difference"

She kept quiet right away.

So same way RR ji..when its only a wedding...whats the big deal which ever way it goes as long the bride and groom get to be called husband and wife.

The problem with Hindu wedding is everyone else wants to jump it for a satisfaction of some kind.

I feel the groom and bride should decide for themselves what suits them best.

 

[sravna]

Dear Maash,


my answer is going to be from the Kama Sutra!

Here goes...I am typing this word for word from an article I read..(no authors name was given in that article..but it was written by a Swamiji).

......

Point to note: Deiviga Kadhal comes in only in final stage!

I am writing this so that one does not get the impression that kama sutra says that sex be the basis on which a relationship be initiated. I am sure any Hindu text including kama sutra would offer a holistic approach and I think I would be right in thinking that the Swamiji's opinion is either not in accordance with kama sutra or has been taken out of context.

If sex be the basis on which a relationship is initiated you would have no clue on how the relationship is going to turn out. Relationships need to be formed on the basis of the qualities of heart and mind. If anyone has the right balance of this he is an ideal choice for the opposite sex. Otherwise compatibility mainly with respect to the qualities of heart and mind needs to be found out. Our forefathers used horoscope matching to find out this compatibility though today it has become commercialized and provides little help. If a girl has to ensure whether a relationship with a man would be happy two most important qualities she can look for are compassion and pragmatism and especially a right balance of these. If not the judgement becomes more difficult and it is better if she plays it safe and does not complicate things.

 

[krish44]

It is very true that parents with I C weddings, where either on of the couple is a brahmin, wish to select only brahmins for their wards!

This might also vanish in a couple of decades, since I C and I R weddings are increasing in number

In this case, ONLY if the boy and his family will allow Maash to continue her life as a brahmin girl, she can think of wearing madisAr

on auspicious days. So far, when a brahmin girl marries a NB guy, the wedding is only in groom's family style! But when the groom is

an American, there are sAsthirgaLs who perform nAmakaraNam, anna prasannam and poonool ceremony for that guy on the wedding day!

One such guy changed his name as Shankar and all the gentlemen in his family wore poonool over their silk jibbAs! It was really funny!

But will a NB guy's family in India allow these? :noidea:


My friend's daughter married a NB guy and the marriage was in the groom's family style! And, I was happy to see the newly weds

do pAdhapoojai to both their parents, where as in brahmin wedding, the girl's father does it for the groom!

RRji
yours is the voice of experience . in practical terms you have seen what is happening in IC weddings if one is a brahmin and other NB

NB is male,in IC wedding , he and his family should accept the sartorial preferences of brahmin girl'. marriage is normally in NB family style '

american or any forein male would accept any indian style freely

marriage of children become a big issue . communities of both parents do not like inter caste . My close relative a brahmin girl is unable to find a match from both her community and that of her NB husband . the boy is highly educated ,foreign qualified working in MNC with a fat salary .

tamil nadu is highly polarised on caste basis . these IC couple should settle in metros like bombay or delhi far away from TN in case they want a life without caste discrimination

 

[renuka]

I am writing this so that one does not get the impression that kama sutra says that sex be the basis on which a relationship be initiated. I am sure any Hindu text including kama sutra would offer a holistic approach and I think I would be right in thinking that the Swamiji's opinion is either not in accordance with kama sutra or has been taken out of context.

If sex be the basis on which a relationship is initiated you would have no clue on how the relationship is going to turn out. Relationships need to be formed on the basis of the qualities of heart and mind. If anyone has the right balance of this he is an ideal choice for the opposite sex. Otherwise compatibility mainly with respect to the qualities of heart and mind needs to be found out. Our forefathers used horoscope matching to find out this compatibility though today it has become commercialized and provides little help. If a girl has to ensure whether a relationship with a man would be happy two most important qualities she can look for are compassion and pragmatism and especially a right balance of these. If not the judgement becomes more difficult and it is better if she plays it safe and does not complicate things.

Dear Sravna,

What is wrong with sex?

Why does everyone look at it as a four lettered word even though it is only a three lettered word?

Why deny that sex is important in bonding.

Heart and mind comes in much later..this is just evolution of thought.

Even our chakras start from the Muladhara in its climb to Sahasrara!

If one starts right from Deiviga Kadhal Mode one is going to go in reverse direction and become lustful as time goes on and dominates his/her partner and all communication is lost and one becomes a frustrated Maama or Maami.

Deiviga Kadhal Mode also comes with an acute danger..that is men start viewing their wives as demi goddesses(the well known Madonna Whore Complex) and have problems relating with them in the sexual manner cos he respects her too much to even have a meaningful sexual relationship..this is where he starts to stray..cos he loves his wife but he dare not gun her the way he imagines and in that process has one night stands and affairs to live out his fantasy.

So I feel the right advise to a newly wed or anyone contemplating marriage is..learn to embrace sexuality..from lust...let it develop to sacredness..from Muladhara to Sahasrara.

 

[krish44]

Dear RR ji,

I dont get it..why should any Indian Hindu girl even complain that the wedding did not go per her community tradition, when as far as I know Hindus are brought up to follow the tradition of husband..since Gotra Shotra even changes after marriage..so why complain about a wedding?

After all it only a wedding...which ever way it goes one is still husband and wife.

I remember when I was newly wed right after my honeymoon..a lady in the small town I lived in at that time wanted to work as a cleaner for me..she had spoken to my mother earlier and she found out I am a newly wed..one day she asked me where did I go to for my honeymoon.

I told her I went to Penang(North of Msia) and she was shocked ..she said "What! You are a doctor and you did not go overseas for a honeymoon..even people who are holding small jobs go overseas" and she started to laugh.

Then I told her "you see what does one need in a honeymoon?"

She said "I dont know?"

I said "one only needs a room! so whether the room is in the USA or in Penang or even in my own house..it makes no difference"

She kept quiet right away.

So same way RR ji..when its only a wedding...whats the big deal which ever way it goes as long the bride and groom get to be called husband and wife.

The problem with Hindu wedding is everyone else wants to jump it for a satisfaction of some kind.

I feel the groom and bride should decide for themselves what suits them best.

the last line' groom and bride should decide what suits them most' easier said than done

whole of tamilnadu think they should all combine and decide who should marry whom and in what way . it becomes totally the societys concern.

this couple dreaming of IC wedding should vanish from TN at the earliest if they care for each other and marry and be happy saying go to hell to all friends and relatives

and hope the marriage will work out in some other state or country

 

[sravna]

Dear Sravna,

What is wrong with sex?

Why does everyone look at it as a four lettered word even though it is only a three lettered word?

Why deny that sex is important in bonding.

Heart and mind comes in much later..this is just evolution of thought.

If one starts right from Deiviga Kadhal Mode one is going to go in reverse direction and become lustful as time goes on and dominates his/her partner and all communication is lost and one becomes a frustrated Maama or Maami.

Deiviga Kadhal Mode also comes with an acute danger..that is men start viewing their wives as demi goddesses(the well known Madonna Whore Complex) and have problems relating with them in the sexual manner cos he respects her too much to even have a meaningful sexual relationship..this is where he starts to stray..cos he loves his wife but he dare not gun her the way he imagines and in that process has one night stands and affairs to live out his fantasy.

So I feel the right advise to a newly wed or anyone contemplating marriage is..learn to embrace sexuality..from lust...let it develop to sacredness.

Dear Renuka,

There is nothing wrong with sex. What I am saying is sex seen only in isolation is wrong. The relationship should not be formed on the basis of sexual attraction which means none of the other qualities of the other person were more prevailing and hence the basis of the relationship is shaky. Or it may mean you are overwhelmed by sex which does not bode well because you are supposed to have reached some mental maturity by the time you are ready for marriage.

Deiviga kadhal does not mean I see my wife only as a goddess. It means I see the love as sacred. Isn't there a difference?

 

[renuka]

Dear Sravna,

I had edited my post and added 2 lines..I added these:

Even our chakras start from the Muladhara in its climb to Sahasrara!

So I feel the right advise to a newly wed or anyone contemplating marriage is..learn to embrace sexuality..from lust...let it develop to sacredness..from Muladhara to Sahasrara.


Sravna.. I see that sex as the basis of creation.

You even find "sex" in the Bhagavad Geeta when the act of creation is described as placing the seed into the Hiranyagarbha...its this act of primordial sex that brought the world into existence.

Now what is lust? Lust means Kama..Kama means desire.

Lust between husband and wife is desire for each other and sex is its instrument.

This is the natural gravitational pull a male and female have for each other.

Its is not felt with everyone..one can feel it temporary in a one night stand but it goes off the next day.

One feels the full gravitation when one desires a person to be his/her life long stand.


Life is a process of various steps from mundane to sacred.

Just to add..the human mind of the mature or immature functions still very much the same.

Screening of X rated material to a mature or immature person will still record the same bodily reactions.

 

[sravna]

Dear Sravna,

Screening of X rated material to a mature or immature person will still record the same bodily reactions.

Dear Renuka,

You would be surprised to know that is not the case. The maturity of the mind can influence the reactions.

 

[renuka]

Dear Renuka,

You would be surprised to know that is not the case. The maturity of the mind can influence the reactions.

Dear Sravna,


There is only one way to find out!LOL

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear RR ji,

1. I dont get it..why should any Indian Hindu girl even complain that the wedding did not go per her community tradition, when as far as I know Hindus are brought up to follow the tradition of husband..since Gotra Shotra even changes after marriage..so why complain about a wedding?
..............
2. I feel the groom and bride should decide for themselves what suits them best.

Dear Renu,

1. Why? :no idea: But why Maash wants to wear a madisAr saree when she knows very well that Hindu marriages are performed

as per the groom's side?

2. They can, ONLY if they arrange themselves and invite their parents for their wedding - be it in a wedding hall / registered office!

 

[Raji Ram]

............ marriage of children become a big issue . communities of both parents do not like inter caste . My close relative a brahmin girl is unable to find a match from both her community and that of her NB husband . the boy is highly educated ,foreign qualified working in MNC with a fat salary. .......

Hence there is a separate category as IC parents in '*******' matrimony charts !