Women and engineer problem in marriage

[Raji Ram]

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......... two instances of where the man's pay mattered. everyone has such stories. the husband was earning $400,000 per year as a doctor, the wife $18,000 as a book editor. she grew very jealous and has told me that it is not 'fair' that the while she 'worked' harder than her husband, she earned so little. after two children, the couple split, but in the meanwhile, she made life so difficult for him. dont know why still, because otherwise, she is a very intelligent and pleasant woman. this is a white family......

Dear Kunjuppu Sir,

I never knew that even whites have ego clashes!

In our extended family, there is one S S O husband (simply sitting officer). His wife works in an office

from 9 to 5 and hence leaves the house after finishing cooking and packing her lunch. When she returns

home, he will order for a hot boost drink! This, he thinks, is a way to keep his wife under control!! :whip:

 

[prasad1]

Dear Kunjuppu Sir,

I never knew that even whites have ego clashes!

In our extended family, there is one S S O husband (simply sitting officer). His wife works in an office

from 9 to 5 and hence leaves the house after finishing cooking and packing her lunch. When she returns

home, he will order for a hot boost drink! This, he thinks, is a way to keep his wife under control!! :whip:

Rajiji,
I have seen young Tamilian Men do it in this day and age, and wives comply. To an extent that is some of the Bachelors problem.

 

[rishikesan]

final assessment

Rajiji,
I have seen young Tamilian Men do it in this day and age, and wives comply. To an extent that is some of the Bachelors problem.

After reading what is vividly explained by the Indian Canadian, I can conclude that what has been written by me & few others are reflecting the ground reality. Now, what is required is that our young couples would realise, before it is too late that Family & overall happiness is paramount & let the flag of Tamil brahmins all over the world

Rishikesan

 

[Raji Ram]

......... I have seen young Tamilian Men do it in this day and age, and wives comply. To an extent that is some of the Bachelors problem.

How else do you expect the sweet home to be peaceful, Prasad Sir?

Only the lady of the house was submissive, so far. Now, I find some gentlemen also submissive!

 

[rishikesan]

I feel it is time to move from this Topic, since Mr Kunjuppu &Mrs Raji have analysed the writing of all oters as Seniors & taking part in every topic. Let these 2 veterans give an objective conclusion, so that the T. B. Boys/ Girls could read the writing on the Wall ?

Rishikesan

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Rishikesan Sir,

No one wants to listen to advises now a days. Even during the late teens, girls and boys want to take their own decisions.

We are presenting different characters we see around us, in this forum. I can only say that boys can not dominate the

girls as it used to be in previous generations. Women have the capacity to earn for themselves. If the couples have mutual

respect for each other, life will be happy. As I said in another post, helping the family should be considered only as an act of

affection towards others and not as slavery!

 

[prasad1]

I feel it is time to move from this Topic, since Mr Kunjuppu &Mrs Raji have analysed the writing of all oters as Seniors & taking part in every topic. Let these 2 veterans give an objective conclusion, so that the T. B. Boys/ Girls could read the writing on the Wall ?

Rishikesan

Mr. Rishikeshan,
I have no problem with Mr. K ji, and Ms. Rajiji giving advice to any one, and you requesting them to do so.
But your post is rude to other members. You are a new member, so we will let it pass.
Just remember that there are other members, and you insulted them all.

 

[biswa]

Seriously, are these issues which lack answers? Sure some form of common pool could be created to fund family expenses.

What is more important here is the right of a woman to spend as per her wish which is not the norm. Surrendering the salary is not quite the way out. Many a woman would have pitied her plight on seeing her husband squander her hard earned money. It is not that all husbands are so nurtured so as to hand over the monies (earned by the lady) to the spouse whenever required.

The answers may be obvious to you, but they are not obvious to me. How much should be in the common pool, 10%, 50%, 100%? Who contributes how much to the pool and keeps how much for the private slush fund? The devil is in these details my friend.

Nobody surrenders the salary or hands over cash these days. For almost all professionals, the salary gets directly deposited to an account in the bank. Whether that account is a private account or a joint account is what depends on the understanding between the couple.

 

[Delhi6]

I am back from my trip and would first respond to moderators and fellow members.

1. I can assure everybody that I am both the de jure as well as de facto composer of my posts :biggrin1:. Although C Ravi might have reasons for being cross with me , it was sad to see a senior member indulging his suspicion and asked him to second guess my identity. I am my own person and though I don't really like doing this,should the moderators want they are free to establish my identity.

2. It seems my use of Punju and Hindi words has not got down well with some. I apologise, not because I said something wrong(far from it). Simply because of cultural arrogance that most of us in North have, for we tend to believe that ALL Indians are comfortable in Hindi.
SO I wont be using hindi/punju unless very necessary. I mean English is a foreign language for me , so at times I may not be able to express myself so well in it.

3. I was going through a thread Why targetting us?.

I came to know that TB's and their customs are mocked as a routine in Tamil Nadu. Now this may lead to a heightened sensitivity towards criticism( real or perceived) by an outsider. So if despite my disclaimer anyone amongst you chafed at my post in this thread what is Tamil Brahmin "CULTURE"? and thought one more jerk who is mocking us, trust me it was unintentional. For the love of sweet God Badri Vishal I can assure you that is just NOT how I roll.

Regards
Abhisheik

 

[Delhi6]

Now before I behave like a Paki* and proceed ahead to draw a Radcliffe line between moi self and the estranged elder brother I would also like to thank all the ladies and gentle-mards ( gentlemen) who have welcomed me.

*I am calling myself as a Paki for I feel like a Northern Light and crisp Infantryman post my Kargilian intrusion in this thread, what with elder bro resorting to heavy artillery barrage.:biggrin1:

Double thanks to Amla and Renukaji for covering my back.

Raji Ma'am

Oh! It is the way we fondly call the youngsters.

Some of us use 'paa' when talking to ladies our age group too!

Got it paa??

This paa got it and could sense your affection as well. Much thanks.


Sangom Sir,

Shri Abhisheik,

Your posts are very enjoyable. Kindly continue your active participation.

I am waiting for your "one other poster who I am very tempted to toy around with( blame my new age tidsy bidsy time passer wisdom for that)."

.

Not Happening. Please see point no. 3 in my previous post.

Prasad 1 Sir,

Yes sir it was a compliment. Here in this site everything is controversial, and confrontational. You need to be able to stand your ground, we expect nothing less. But it is all discussion, we do not go beyond that. Then there is a moderator, who keeps the lid down so it never boils over.

So again, welcome to the site.

Thanks for your encouraging words.As for the portion in bold, I shall do the same in threads that are not this sensitive in nature. I don't want to come across as someone who is abusing hospitality of his hosts.

tbs Sir,

hi'


3. Aaj kal ki kudiyaan bhery bhery bad.

haan ji....kisne bola ....jaise punjabi meih kahte hai......JATT JATTNI SE KAHAA....AGAR IS GAAV MEIN RAHNA TOH

UUNTU KO BILLI LE GAYII...HAAN JI .. HAAN JI KAHNA HAI....AAJ KAL MUNDA BHI THEEK NAHI....KUDIYON KA BAATH

CHODO....PIND TO VICH KUSH RAHO BHAI....

I initially decided to but now the Paki in me feels emboldened by the Aman ki Asha-esque welcome he got from the fellow members. So there may be frequent incursions across LOC so to speak :biggrin1:.

For those who do not know punju, PIND means native/ancestoral village. and the sentence in red means be happy in your native village.



Also a request to everyone, Please do not call me ji, Simply Abhisheik. Elders calling me ji is inappropriate and for those who are younger to me all I can say is do not make it this obvious. Allow me to feel young even if I am a YUTE by Youth Congress standards only :biggrin1:.

 

[Delhi6]

C Ravi,

From your posts it is pretty obvious that you do not have a very high opinion of me. To add to it you have made a lot of insinuations. I can reply to all of them, however since I never wanted to be confrontational or run you down when I first addressed you, I will not reply to them except for one which pertains to my identity. You questioned my integrity for all practical purposes so I do need to respond.

Although it is touching to see your certitude regarding my " De-Facto identity" as evidenced in your reply to Sangom Sir's question, sadly it has no basis in reality. Please lay your ghosts to rest on this account. Whatever may have transpired between you and any other member had no bearing on my posts.

Also to repeat, I was NOT needling you when I addressed you. Neither on my own nor on somebody Else's behalf as you alleged.

This is how I see our interaction :

I saw an idealistic young man with a traditional bent of mind who came across as deeply concerned about how the winds of change are affecting his community. I saw how in his anguish, he was painting things with a very broad brush and the tone of his post was becoming increasingly despondent. Again this was my perception. .

So when I addressed you, all I did was 2 things:

1. I called you out for painting things with a very broad brush which I felt was not fair and amounted to losing a sense of proportion. I did this WITHOUT impugning your right to hold on to your traditionalism. See this is what I said.

Now coming to C Ravi,

.........
As I see it, in this thread you have expressed three major concerns.

1. Preservation of your culture and way of life AS YOU SEE IT.

This is a perfectly legitimate aim .............

.

Thus I did accept your right to a POV, all I wanted to say was have a little empathy with folks who think differently and also have a sense of proportion.

2. I tried to reach out to you as your post suggested an increasing sense of despondency. Again as I perceived it.

Let me clarify the despondency part, lest you may have misconstrued it. When I said despondent I did not mean desperate to get married and desperate for anything that comes with it. What I meant was NO SOLUTION was forthcoming from your side and there seemed to be creeping bitterness in your posts. Again as I saw it.

I thought you are feeling low and thus chose to reach out. You know like an internet version of comfort hug " Hey mate crap happens, cheer up and live to fight another day".

In hindsight it was a bad bad call. It seems your past interactions with other members has left you with heightened sensitivity towards criticism(real or perceived). Not only that, anonymity of internet and it being a written medium deprives the audience of checking the body language to ascertain where the other party is coming from.

A bad call on my part and have learnt my lesson really well. Wont be reaching out to someone over internet in a hurry. Add to it my irreverent language seems to have riled you up.

To repeat I was NOT picking on you. NO more on this from my side. Peace.

May Shri Hari grant all that you desire and then some more.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On a lighter note, you were asking moderator permission for giving me back in Hindi( and Sindhi :shocked. Chill, you have my permission. I mean why refuse anything when somebody is giving it for free.:biggrin1:

However since you complained that the range of your giving back to me would be constrained by your comprehension of these languages, may I suggest you give back in cash. Its a universal language:tongue1:

Plus the mirth my " hilariously refreshing" posts provided you, would merit some kind of a payback. No? So what do ya say? Deal??

Regards

'Dai' Abhisheik

 

[prasad1]

Mr. Delhi6 anything other than that dreaded hell on earth name. If I wanted to insult anyone, and I can not come with a 4 letter word, that would be the four letter word. My daughter never got a leather soccer ball as all soccer balls sold in USA were from that country. Do you understand my passion?????
In UP and northern Bihar even a child is addressed with respect, irrespective of the age.

 

[amala]

I feel uncomfy with that four letter word. Where I currently reside using that word will land in jail for racism and it is used against all of us brown people and not just people from that country. It is equivalent to the "N" word. Also signing off with a "Dai" is weird. Dai or more commonly spelt as "dey" is actually a rude and angry way of addressing people in Tamil.

 

[Delhi6]

aiyyo It seems that my post before post # 634 seems to have been held in moderation. It goes like this.

I am back from my trip and would first respond to moderators and fellow members.

1. I can assure everybody that I am both the de jure as well as de facto composer of my posts . Although C Ravi might have reasons for being cross with me , it was sad to see a senior member indulging his suspicion and asked him to second guess my identity. I am my own person and though I don't really like doing this,should the moderators want they are free to establish my identity.

2. It seems my use of Punju and Hindi words has not got down well with some. I apologise, not because I said something wrong, far from it. Simply because of cultural arrogance that most of us in North have, for we tend to believe that ALL Indians are comfortable in Hindi. Although if I am allowed to be a tad accusatory, I am not the only one who has been this way. Witness this :

Dear Mr.Praveen/Moderator,


Kindly advice this Delhi6 to not to address me with funny punjabi tittles/words along with my name.... .

.

I assure you I wont be using hindi/punju unless very necessary(Please allow for next few posts). I mean English is a foreign language for me so at times I may not be able to express myself so well in it.

3. I was going through a thread http://www.tamilbrahmins.com/general-discussions/12279-why-targetting-us.html.

I came to know that TB's and their customs are mocked as a routine in Tamil Nadu. Now this may lead to a heightened sensitivity towards criticism( real or perceived) by an outsider. So if despite my disclaimer anyone amongst you chafed at my post in this thread http://www.tamilbrahmins.com/general-discussions/12246-what-tamil-brahmin-culture.html and thought one more jerk who is mocking us, trust me it was unintentional. For the love of sweet God Badri Vishal I can assure you that is just NOT how I roll.

Regards
Abhisheik

 

[Delhi6]

Prasad Sir,

I did my schooling from a Defence School, so I perfectly understand your passion regarding that word. It was an attempt at self deprecatory humour.

Amala,

I didnt know what Dai meant. Didnt even bother to google it. Just that I saw Ravi itching to use it, so I thought why not me. Its not going to devalue me nor do I take such things seriously.

As to the other four lettered word, I know its import. Just that it was an attempt at self deprecatory humour by me.

 

[Raji Ram]

Mr. Rishikeshan,
I have no problem with Mr. K ji, and Ms. Rajiji giving advice to any one, and you requesting them to do so.
But your post is rude to other members. You are a new member, so we will let it pass.
Just remember that there are other members, and you insulted them all.

Dear Prasad Sir,

Please don't take it serious! Since we write in all the threads, Rishikesan Sir has requested. He is a very senior man

and has lot of interest for betterment of poor tambrams even at this age. Please do not take it as an insult. Thanks.

 

[biswa]

There is nothing wrong with the word Paki. It is in wide-spread use and not in a derogatory manner. It is similar to Desi, Tam, Bong or Gult.

Some place try to be more PC than others because of some historical context. The spanish word for black is negro, and there is nothing racist about it. Only if it is used as a cuss-word it is a cuss.

 

[C RAVI]

C Ravi,


This is how I see our interaction :


..........I saw how in his anguish, he was painting things with a very broad brush and the tone of his post was becoming increasingly despondent. Again this was my perception. .

So when I addressed you, all I did was 2 things:

............... all I wanted to say was have a little empathy with folks who think differently and also have a sense of proportion.

'Dai' Abhisheik

I can understand your sense of agony with all your misunderstanding and confusions on reading my posts, having been influenced for a purpose.

There is something seriously wrong with you as per my understanding of you.

I am ignoring all your posts where you have given reference to me, considering your state of affair. I am gonna ignore you further as well.

Take care of yourself my little brother.

 

[Delhi6]

I can understand your sense of agony with all your misunderstanding and confusions on reading my posts, having been influenced for a purpose.

There is something seriously wrong with you as per my understanding of you.

I am ignoring all your posts where you have given reference to me, considering your state of affair. I am gonna ignore you further as well.

Take care of yourself my little brother.

Back off Ravi and back off big time. Keep your condescension to yourself. It seems my civility was lost on you. As far as there being something seriously wrong with me, well I will let other members be the Judge who amongst both of us is so afflicted.

 

[auh]

The answers may be obvious to you, but they are not obvious to me. How much should be in the common pool, 10%, 50%, 100%? Who contributes how much to the pool and keeps how much for the private slush fund? The devil is in these details my friend.

Nobody surrenders the salary or hands over cash these days. For almost all professionals, the salary gets directly deposited to an account in the bank. Whether that account is a private account or a joint account is what depends on the understanding between the couple.

I will leave it at that.

 

[renuka]

Back off Ravi and back off big time. Keep your condescension to yourself. It seems my civility was lost on you. As far as there being something seriously wrong with me, well I will let other members be the Judge who amongst both of us is so afflicted.

Dear Delhi 6,

To be frank I did not want to get involved when I saw Ravi's post #643 but now I will state my opinion.

When I read what you wrote today explaining yourself to Ravi in a very Muhjse Dosti Karoge ishtyle....I thought that Ok this is good...Ravi and Delhi6 will become good friends.

But surprisingly it did not go that way.

So I am disappointed to read post #643.

All I can say to Ravi is just be cool yaar.

 

[prasad1]

Back off Ravi and back off big time. Keep your condescension to yourself. It seems my civility was lost on you. As far as there being something seriously wrong with me, well I will let other members be the Judge who amongst both of us is so afflicted.

You win some you loose some. Just chalk it to loss and move on.
Best of luck.

 

[prasad1]

There is nothing wrong with the word Paki. It is in wide-spread use and not in a derogatory manner. It is similar to Desi, Tam, Bong or Gult.

Some place try to be more PC than others because of some historical context. The spanish word for black is negro, and there is nothing racist about it. Only if it is used as a cuss-word it is a cuss.

Biswaji,
I do not have difficulty with the alphabets P A K I. I have difficulty with the country it represents, and its inhabitants. It is my personal problem, and what that word represents to me.

 

[Delhi6]

Biswaji,
I do not have difficulty with the alphabets P A K I. I have difficulty with the country it represents, and its inhabitants. It is my personal problem, and what that word represents to me.

Prasad Sir,

I can very well understand your revulsion towards that country and its inhabitants. I share the same. Heck when I have to go to take a dump in morning at times say I am going to Pakistan.

Frankly in my conversations whenever the topic of the s**ts next door comes up I refer to that country as Najistan (filth dump), so in a way Pakistan doesn't remind me of that country.

The word Pak and Paki has been relegated to mocking and humour in my vocabulary over the years. It started during the time when I was appearing for UPSC exams to be a diplomat. It was used liberally by friends to denote their mock displeasure or for leg pulling. Since then it has stayed with me.

Here I was trying to be self deprecatory and also mocked our policy towards them by giving Aman ki Asha reference. I seem to have fallen flat on my face.

Maafi de do bura laga to( Please forgive).

hope no hard feelings

 

[amala]

To be frank I do not feel comfortable at all with this kind of blatant racism towards Pakistanis. To explain my background, I am not from India and I am extremely blessed to be South Indian and hence I do not have this inherent anti Pakistani/Muslim baggage that I see many people having. And if I were to be really really honest, where I live now there are heaps and heaps and heaps of Punjabis both Indian and Pakistani and honest to God I do not see the difference between them. They are the same, ironically for me, a South Indian ethnic person, not an Indian national, they are all the same, culturally/linguistically, hell they even eat the same stuff! they are closer; those Punjabi Hindus/Sikhs/Muslims to each other than to my lot! This is the real Indian tragedy as far as I'm concerned. To be utterly racist on ones own kind. Then where is the hope for the rest of us!