Women and engineer problem in marriage

[C RAVI]

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Similarly the problem with many men is that they always think of any woman as lover, not as sister.

At least many such guys think of any woman as lover and would get committed once a girl among many reciprocates equally. This is much genuine, pleasant and appreciable than that of those girls who after a long friendship with a boy friend suddenly gets enlighted that her Boy Friend is in fact like her sweat and dear Brother!!! And that, this Brother will stand by her side to get her love work with an another guy, IF at all this brother is a true human with true brotherly love, care and friendship with her.

 

[amala]

Omg this is soo true. Many men can't even figure out disinterest when its staring in thier faces. Some even when spelled out to them. Without getting into detail why even in this very forum!

 

[C RAVI]

hi ravi,
...so gals change chemistry frequently....

Because her chemistry and frequency works only with a Best Deal!!


This is the fact. But some prefer to remain diplomatic and not to talk about this fact. Some find fault with men who talk about this fact and brand them as cynical and bitter.


I don't remember well as who said it and when. But, in this same forum, some time ago, some one explained something scientifically/biologically, that, the inherent quality of human genes persistently strive to grab the best deal and evolve for better. Its selfish genes that is naturally restless towards achieving more.

Based on that, I feel, the female species is more stronger and more determined than that of male species to be Selfish and Acquire the Best.

This tendency of females species is NOT BAD!! I find it Bad ONLY when the female species under the cover of dominant strength and determination to be Selfish and Acquire the best gets into any limit to achieve finally OR to lose finally.

The tendencies of comparing and competing with other girls/ladies are making these girls today to set higher expectations no matter where they stand personally in their education & career, how old are they getting and or no matter if they end up remaining single ever.

 

[C RAVI]

OMG!

I strongly disagree.

Do you know the mind of every girl in your own community to say not even 1 girl who is committed to chemistry,love and frequency??

Just say this girl finds her chemistry,love and frequency in a Non TB partner..that time everyone will jump on her saying that she has followed her feelings which is just an illusion and left the path of her svadharma blah blah blah(to be lawfully wedded only to a guy of her own caste)

Hey this is really unfair ok..I do admit there are girls who are crazy for money but NOT everyone is money driven.

Looks like it Brahmin girls somehow get bashed left right centre in what ever they do?

Anything and everything they do seems wrong.

Now I am quite convinced that they(girls) might not be entirely at fault!

Some Brahmin Girls find her chemistry, love and frequency in a NON TB partner because of one or more of the following reasons -

1) Her strong liking towards guy's style, yo yo romeo types, well build physique, and his open mind & open choice of eating and drinking anything anywhere with out being embarrassingly questioned by others in their social circle.

2) The best deals that the NB guy can offer her.

3) Not willing to have a Brahmin Husband with Poonal across his chest in Modern Times. His poonal mostly will be dirty and yucky. Does not matches with the present trend and present life style where the whole world has now become a village.

4) Not willing to accept whatever left over Brahminical culture, traditions, systems etc.


May be few other reasons exist!!


In all, its the whole package of that one Best Deal. When this package can be achieved through a NB husband she will do her best to channelize her chemistry, love and frequencies, honestly and efficiently, such that all these would perfectly get compatible with that NB Guy.

All I am saying is, Girls have strongly determined and clear mind. She calculates everything, derives her own formula and then makes up her mind. When her calculations are convincing to her, she derives her conclusions rationally and she automatically would be capable to match her chemistry, frequency, wavelength etc with that of the guy who fits into her derived conclusions.

"Oru Penn Ninaithaal Edhuvum Saathippaal"


Considering the present TB marriage market trend in India/Tamil Nadu, we got to figure out what exactly going on in the minds of TB girls and their parents. Why such higher expectations from marriageable guys of 28 + age (that is practically impossible for the guys at achieve in that age) etc., "we" who are into the market, on the ground (guys and their parents/relatives) could find only FAULT with these Brahmin Girls/Girls Parents.


For that, if the girls/girls parents and other non understanding folks make twist and turns and blame the Brahmin guys/guys parents and the whole of TB community, stating - because of these ridiculous blames on TB Girls, that shows poor/negative/hateful mentality of TB Guys and guys parents towards the Brahmin girls, it is clear that these girls are not entirely at fault!!!! THEN, WHAT CAN WE SAY ABOUT IT? NOTHING!!

 

[C RAVI]

TBS garu,

There is something called body language..by a person's body language we can make out if she/he fancies us.

Usually only hard core criminals are able to conceal feelings well.

The rest of us usually do not conceal as well.

BTW friendship is still the safer bet.

Friendship should not be confused and renamed brother and sister relationship.

But as far as I know..in my college..no guys ever wanted to be brothers to any of us girls.

I myself did not call anyone brother.

BTW people should understand that anyone has the right to like anyone but the person they fancy has the right not to reciprocate.

What TBS garu has said (may be he is hinting his personal experience that he shared here, some time before, to some extent) and what I am highlighting is not about One Sided Failed Love Affairs!!!

Nor we are talking about forced love.


A guy can know what the girl feels with how she moves, talks, reacts and responds to that of each of the guys interactions with the girl. NO doubt, girls are more talented than guys to know what the guy could feel with how he moves, talks, reacts, responds and do more out of his liking, to the extent the girl keeps reciprocating.

It takes no much time for the girl to understand what sort of feelings the guy got for her. Knowing this, there are many girls who would go along with the guy's tempo for a long time, enjoying the love, care, warmth, gifts, outing, dining etc..etc and when she finds that, at the end of the day this guy not gonna offer her "The best deal of her life", she will escape saying she definitely would not be having her own co-born brother as loving and caring as this guy is. This guy becomes her Most Loving and Caring Brother on this Earth. She could sense from the very beginning that this guy LOVES her and would marry her BUT would not come up openly with what's in her mind and heart towards that guy, at an earlier stage.

I do agree that, there are guys of this girls types also. But, these play boys are into switching not for the Best Deal But to use the girl for his pleasure. So, I am keeping these type of guys out of preview of this thread topic.

This thread is about present days girls attitude towards marriage and in that line all I would say assertively is that, its the "Beast Deal as a Package" that the girls are looking for. Looking for Best deal is NO wrong, BUT, expecting some Jack Pot with sky high demands unmindful of practicality, intentions and attitude to build her own family by working hard together with her future husband, and being unmindful of the value of time that waits for no one, is something that I would strongly condemn.

 

[tbs]

hi
'
its the "Beast Deal as a Package" that the girls are looking for.

i like these words.....best deal package.......its basic modern trend in present day brahmin gal marriage market......every body

wants package for best deal.....NB boys are best deal package for brahmi gals...its true tooo.....brahmin guys are unfit for

best deal package....may be brahmin guys are best deal for NB gals....

 

[sangom]

Omg this is soo true. Many men can't even figure out disinterest when its staring in thier faces. Some even when spelled out to them. Without getting into detail why even in this very forum!

Kum. amala,

If you are referring to disinterest in a particular thread/topic, probably your disinterest will not be understood by anyone else and those who find the topic of interest to them, will continue to write. It just can't be helped and you have the easy way of skipping that thread.

If, however, you are referring to "disinterest" of the marital kind which has been expressed either subtly through posts or through pms, then I have no comments, please.

 

[amala]

Sangom sir,

It is for Biswa's post #122 and its not at all about disinterest about a thread or topic. I forgot to quote it his post in my reply.

 

[sangom]

Sangom sir,

It is for Biswa's post #122 and its not at all about disinterest about a thread or topic. I forgot to quote it his post in my reply.

Thanks, amala.

 

[renuka]

Previously in Tamil movies we used to see guys chasing after girls...having sex with them and ditching them.
The girl will be crying and then commit suicide if the guy does not marry her.

But now I see the trend in movies changing.

These days movies are all about guys singing songs that do not trust "Figure"(slang word for girls).
"Figures" will use you..make you spend of her and then marry the person their parents chose.

Then even newer movies show girls ditching guys for richer guys.

I think very soon will be seeing movies where a guy and girl have sex and the next day guy cries and wails that he lost his virginity! LOL

 

[Haridasa Siva]

Are you switched off from Media. don't you read New York Times (print / website), The Atlantic (website/print)./QUOTE]

I condemn the language used by an 'amateur' against the super moderatr of the forum. It does not sound well for the forum or for the TB community for an youngster using such a language against an elderly person.

 

[sarang]

My classmates and I did not approve sarojadevi loving rajendran and then marrying sivaji ganesan (aalayamani, I think). Rajendran's sacrifice was considered noble, but saoja devi's action was against tamil culture.

Previously in Tamil movies we used to see guys chasing after girls...having sex with them and ditching them.
The girl will be crying and then commit suicide if the guy does not marry her.

But now I see the trend in movies changing.

These days movies are all about guys singing songs that do not trust "Figure"(slang word for girls).
"Figures" will use you..make you spend of her and then marry the person their parents chose.

Then even newer movies show girls ditching guys for richer guys.

I think very soon will be seeing movies where a guy and girl have sex and the next day guy cries and wails that he lost his virginity! LOL

 

[renuka]

My classmates and I did not approve sarojadevi loving rajendran and then marrying sivaji ganesan (aalayamani, I think). Rajendran's sacrifice was considered noble, but saoja devi's action was against tamil culture.

BTW what is this Culture Agriculture when it comes to Love?

Most movies of yesteryears show women as pawn in the love game of men..when a guy likes a girl and he gets to know that his friend also likes her..he will do the so called ultimate sacrifice of giving up the girl he loves.

I feel the girl should just ditch her boyfriend and NOT marry his friend too.

A girl should not be just a pawn for men to play the sacrifice game.

Or she can tell them..that she could marry both to solve the problem.

Right away both guys will run from her!LOL and she can safely marry someone else!

 

[sangom]

Are you switched off from Media. don't you read New York Times (print / website), The Atlantic (website/print)./QUOTE]

I condemn the language used by an 'amateur' against the super moderatr of the forum. It does not sound well for the forum or for the TB community for an youngster using such a language against an elderly person.

Dear Haridasa Siva,

While you are free to air your view, I feel there was nothing unparliamentary or disrespectful in Shri Karthik's said post. The proof if you want, is in the pudding : the SM has not pointed out anything against it though 3 days have passed.

Let us not try to be "more pious than god". This is just an internet forum and if the SM also posts like other members, the rest of the people will consider him also as yet another poster. I am sure the labels like amateur mean just the total number of posts made and nothing more. By your token all of us have to simply cower before veterans with >19,000 posts and >2 lakh points!

 

[renuka]

I condemn the language used by an 'amateur' against the super moderatr of the forum. It does not sound well for the forum or for the TB community for an youngster using such a language against an elderly person.

Dear Haridasa Ji,

Many of us here have been following this thread and read what Karthik writes.

I feel many of us here can understand the problems faced by bachelors today to get a bride.

All of us have been interacting with Karthik in this thread..it did not really go in the terms of senior/junior method.

Everyone was sharing their opinions.

So going by that...I don't really think Karthik's post is offending to anyone.

Sometimes we even tell our friends who might be even much older to us (I have doctor friends who are my age and also 60 plus) "hey are you nuts? didn't you read the paper"

So you see that is not really rude...that is just expressing one's feeling of surprise.

 

[Haridasa Siva]

Ref post 139 & 140

I understand your views. I did not like a young man asking an elderly man, "Are you cut off from media?". I do not mean anything in relation to the "status" (veteran, etc.) in TB forum. That is why I put the word amateur in quote to make it sound like tongue in cheek. I did not refer to the points Mr.Karthik has. My comment was in relation to age of Mr.Karthik vis a vis that of Mr.KRS.

Renu, one person's show of disrespect cannot justify that of another person.
I am aware of style of communication in internet forums. We do not have to extend it to an elderly person in TB forum. Members might remember that I am the one who initiated (at Renu's instance) the thread, "I want KRSji back" to request him to come back to the forum. We have that regard for KRSji for his age and knowledge and not merely for his position as a moderator.

 

[Karthik681]

Ref post 139 & 140

I understand your views. I did not like a young man asking an elderly man, "Are you cut off from media?". I do not mean anything in relation to the "status" (veteran, etc.) in TB forum. That is why I put the word amateur in quote to make it sound like tongue in cheek. I did not refer to the points Mr.Karthik has. My comment was in relation to age of Mr.Karthik vis a vis that of Mr.KRS.

What is the age has to do with life in this earth.

I strongly believe Mr Haridasa Siv has not read Mahabharata and the Gita.

Why should Arjun strike Bhisma, even thou he eldest of all, because he wasn't in the circle of Dharma.

Whether you young or old it does not matter, Mr Haridasa, what matters is Dharma.

I have no regrets for ' cut off from media'' is same as ' cut off from dharma'

 

[Ramacchandran]

I was negotiating with a bride's family, and was nearly completed Then I removed my profile from the website, hoping at last marriage settled. Now came a slap, the bride's side objected it! they say they given the profile ID to their relatives!! since it created misunderstanding among their relatives they are not interested. The bride is from Srirangam.

 

[KRS]

Dear Sri Karthik681 Ji,

Thanks for the response. I somehow missed this earlier. Yes, I read a wide range of articles, on various topics. More importantly, I think I reasonably know what is going on in USA in terms of culture. My point is that like anywhere, where majority of folks marry after going out with a person and falling in love, majority of marriages happen within the same social class, as folks are naturally attracted towards folks from similar backgrounds. But, there are also other types of marriages - I myself know several happily married couple where the man came from a lower class socially than the girl. These usually tend to be high school sweet hearts.

This is why I objected when you suggested that the current Indian arranged marriage system is like what is happening in USA.

I read the TOI article - but it applies to India.

Regards,
KRS

Are you switched off from Media. don't you read New York Times (print / website), The Atlantic (website/print).

I'm a journalist, I'm keep track of whats on and whats off in the world events.(to my best)

Thanks for you reply, but
I'm the person whom you are in communication is waiting for that 'Girl' and have experience.

Earlier in 2012 Times of India came out with an article, here is the link

The headline says
Earn less than 50k? Marriage's tough, dude

Earn less than 50k? Marriage's tough, dude - Times Of India

Sir, this what happening now even in India.

just read the comments to the article also, its very intersting.

 

[KRS]

Dear Sri Haridasa Siva Ji,
Nice to see your posts.

I have not taken Sri Karthik Ji's comments as offensive. The way he structured his sentences perhaps gave that slant.

Thank you for your accolades. I agree I am old, but the knowledgeable part escapes me.

Regards,
KRS

Ref post 139 & 140

I understand your views. I did not like a young man asking an elderly man, "Are you cut off from media?". I do not mean anything in relation to the "status" (veteran, etc.) in TB forum. That is why I put the word amateur in quote to make it sound like tongue in cheek. I did not refer to the points Mr.Karthik has. My comment was in relation to age of Mr.Karthik vis a vis that of Mr.KRS.

Renu, one person's show of disrespect cannot justify that of another person.
I am aware of style of communication in internet forums. We do not have to extend it to an elderly person in TB forum. Members might remember that I am the one who initiated (at Renu's instance) the thread, "I want KRSji back" to request him to come back to the forum. We have that regard for KRSji for his age and knowledge and not merely for his position as a moderator.

 

[P.R.RADHAKRISHNAN]

Friends,

Many girls working in I.T.Companies are either working in night shifts or up-to 8 pm or so since the clients are from USA and many of them have boy friends. We cannot make out their preferences. I know a case where my own cousin's daughter was married to one person of our caste. However, when she met her old boy friend, she divorced him and remarried her boy friend. They change their husbands as if we change our shirts. It is better to marry a teacher girl in some school or college, banks, or girls who are educated and like to remain as housewives etc. There are many girls working as CAs etc. The promises made by them during SAPTHAPADI are only lies. Try to get a good girl even if she is not a graduate but will remain a ggod wife. I give below two poems about them :-
(1) AN IDEAL WIFE
RUpeSHU lakshmI, kAreYESHU ManthrI, karaneESHU dasI, bhOjyESHU mAtha, shayanESHU vEshyA, kSHAmayESHU DHarithrI.
(the second one which appeared in these columns; " மசகோமக்குனோ ராத்ரௌ, மாசிக யாசகோ தினே , பிபீலிகாசப்ராயாச
அஹோராத்ரம் து பாததே"
Regards and Aseervaadams for getting a good girl,
P.R.RADHAKRISHNAN (82 years of afe)

 

[renuka]

Friends,

Many girls working in I.T.Companies are either working in night shifts or up-to 8 pm or so since the clients are from USA and many of them have boy friends. We cannot make out their preferences. I know a case where my own cousin's daughter was married to one person of our caste. However, when she met her old boy friend, she divorced him and remarried her boy friend. They change their husbands as if we change our shirts. It is better to marry a teacher girl in some school or college, banks, or girls who are educated and like to remain as housewives etc. There are many girls working as CAs etc. The promises made by them during SAPTHAPADI are only lies. Try to get a good girl even if she is not a graduate but will remain a ggod wife. I give below two poems about them :-
(1) AN IDEAL WIFE
RUpeSHU lakshmI, kAreYESHU ManthrI, karaneESHU dasI, bhOjyESHU mAtha, shayanESHU vEshyA, kSHAmayESHU DHarithrI.
(the second one which appeared in these columns; " மசகோமக்குனோ ராத்ரௌ, மாசிக யாசகோ தினே , பிபீலிகாசப்ராயாச
அஹோராத்ரம் து பாததே"
Regards and Aseervaadams for getting a good girl,
P.R.RADHAKRISHNAN (82 years of afe)

Dear Sir,
I feel there is too much of generalization.

Many girls have boyfriends before marriage and do not run back to them if they happen to meet again.

It is very rare people divorce for nothing at all.

Divorce is not like changing a shirt...it comes with a lot of social and economical change in life.

Failure of marriage can be in any marriage ranging from an uneducated girl right up to a rocket scientist.

I know a person from India who is rich(Brahmin) and married a girl from a village cos he wanted a lesser educated girl hoping she would be religious like him.

But the girl left him after 1 year cos she felt she could not adjust with his family.

Now he chose a girl of his own status and is happily married.

So you see we can not 100% think that a lesser educated girl will make a good wife.

It is circumstances of marriage that decides who will be a good spouse and also none of us know our Karma.

 

[Karthik681]

Thanks,

I don't see any clear difference whats happening in USA, China or India, they are same.

The quantum of the problem that nobody's talking, to be precise, refuse to talk, is that of women's attitude.

From what I have read (reported news articles), marriage is breaking down in US, fewer men are marrying, more and more women are starting parenthood without a husband(read: sperm donor)
Pew Helps Explain Why the Right Man Is Getting Harder for Educated Women to Find. - WSJ.com

They might be many case of your friends whom you know, have settle down, but the news articles speak of whole scenario.

In China, there are more men than women who are bachelors, but offside of that, is there are more educated women who 'REFUSED' to marry a man who is not in equal status of her.
The government termed them 'Leftovers'

In India, In New Delhi, Women Marry Up and Men Are Left Behind - NYTimes.com
The article also speak of women be left behind also.

Take the case from my town, there are women in Bangalore who are aged 28,29,30,31 who are very good both in Education and pay wise. But they insist the partner to be equal and better than them.

What women fail to accept is that, there many many good men and very less men of their expectations, The man of her dreams is happily 'married down' and settled happily.


Please be clear, I'm writing this post from bachelor point of view.

Welcome to new world order.

I'm writing this post so that to know, what the married members plan to avoid these kind of events in future.

I have four brothers who are 24, 25, 26, who all are Engineers through education but still they are jobless.

There are women of age 25 -30 yrs in IT still waiting for their prince to arrive.

Here i am really angered by girl's demands and boys unemployment.

 

[Haridasa Siva]

KRSji: Hope you are keeping well. It is your modesty to say what you have said.

I have nothing against Mr.Karthik. But I felt that it is for his good to learn to put in his view in a more polite manner. He might not have anything to lose in this forum. But the world outside would not always tolerate such a style of communication. I only wanted to warn Mr.Karthik so that he does not get a shock in real life. We all wish he finds a suitable match at the earliest.

 

[C RAVI]

Friends,

Many girls working in I.T.Companies are either working in night shifts or up-to 8 pm or so since the clients are from USA and many of them have boy friends. We cannot make out their preferences. I know a case where my own cousin's daughter was married to one person of our caste. However, when she met her old boy friend, she divorced him and remarried her boy friend. They change their husbands as if we change our shirts. It is better to marry a teacher girl in some school or college, banks, or girls who are educated and like to remain as housewives etc. There are many girls working as CAs etc. The promises made by them during SAPTHAPADI are only lies. Try to get a good girl even if she is not a graduate but will remain a ggod wife. I give below two poems about them :-
(1) AN IDEAL WIFE
RUpeSHU lakshmI, kAreYESHU ManthrI, karaneESHU dasI, bhOjyESHU mAtha, shayanESHU vEshyA, kSHAmayESHU DHarithrI.
(the second one which appeared in these columns; " மசகோமக்குனோ ராத்ரௌ, மாசிக யாசகோ தினே , பிபீலிகாசப்ராயாச
அஹோராத்ரம் து பாததே"
Regards and Aseervaadams for getting a good girl,
P.R.RADHAKRISHNAN (82 years of afe)

Shri P.R . Radhakrishnan,


The present life style with western influences has drastically influenced the mind set of many boys and girls. Irrespective of the nature of work and the Industry type, these type of switching over to Ex boy friend and Ex girl friend, breaking up one's marriage OR maintaining a secret relationship with Ex while in the marital tie, as an extra marital affairs are existing in our society.

BUT, still, as you said, the work schedule and corporate culture in these Call Centers, BPO's, and I.T companies with western modules really have changed/spoiled the behavior and habits of many men and women working in these industries, in some way or other.


1) Long time before when I was working in Chennai, I read an Article in a News Magazine that highlighted the total change over in the mind set and practices of many girls who left their towns and migrated to metros to work for these industries. Many of these supposed to be conservative and cultured girls have not only well adapted themselves to the city/metro life BUT have got into undesirable practices, relationships etc, having ample space in their new found economic and social liberty, away from their home. They went far beyond the limits they could probably have thought before to the extent that they have lost connections with their family back home and have lost themselves in varying degrees.


2) A married guy whom I know through one of my close friends (my school mate), works for a BPO company and his wife too works for an another BPO company. They have different shifts. His wife does the UK Shift from 2pm to 11pm and he works for American clients from 8pm to 5am (Night Shift). This guy have happy marriage life and have a girl bay. After two years of marriage he actively got into engaging Call girls/ladies during the day time when his wife goes to work. He gives his reasoning stating, he works at night and sleep in the morning for 6 hours and when he walks up afresh he don't find his wife to share physical pleasures. And by the time she returns home he would be out of home and reporting for his duty. He also says that he can understand his wife's needs too and just don't want to ponder over how she manages alone at night when he is out. For the fact that, he neither could object her nor can encourage/support her.

3) Many unmarried male and female employees of these BPO and Call Center companies are sharing physical needs among their preferred partners in the office itself, during the night shift breaks. For many, this has created lots and lots of issues after their marriage with some other guy who was not his/her sex partner in the same office, in some way or other.


4) As such, the ground reality is, men and women working in BPO's and Call Centers are left with no choice other than marrying some one from the same industry/office, as others don't want to opt them. The pathetic/ironical part is that, many men and women working in these industries who all are not into exchanging physical needs between their colleagues are themselves not so willing to marry some one from the same industry as they can't be sure if the person they gonna marry carry their same values and have lived by that, so far and if they would be having any secret relationship issues or not.

5) Peer pressures in these industries have gradually changed the mind set of many female employees who all gradually and willingly started to give way to their superiors to use them for their relaxation. This service to their supervisors/team leaders not only help them securing their job BUT helps them in gaining career escalations.


6) Many girls had to suffer in the hands of these sexually abusive seniors and had to quit their job before its too late. Ironically, in the marriage market, these innocent and clear chit girls get into toughest scrutiny by the boys before possible marriage, considering these girls Past Career in these Industries.


Though it is not right and good to paint a broad brush of generalization over men and women working in these industries, there are many men and women outside who are determined well as not to marry a boy/girl who is working in these BPO's and Call Centres. At the end of the day no one want to take chance/risk and suffer possible mishap in their marriage. Exceptions do exists in these and there exists a open and broad mind set of granting free space to their spouse as per their wish as well.