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Women and engineer problem in marriage

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Shri P.R . Radhakrishnan,


The present life style with western influences has drastically influenced the mind set of many boys and girls. Irrespective of the nature of work and the Industry type, these type of switching over to Ex boy friend and Ex girl friend, breaking up one's marriage OR maintaining a secret relationship with Ex while in the marital tie, as an extra marital affairs are existing in our society.

BUT, still, as you said, the work schedule and corporate culture in these Call Centers, BPO's, and I.T companies with western modules really have changed/spoiled the behavior and habits of many men and women working in these industries, in some way or other.


1) Long time before when I was working in Chennai, I read an Article in a News Magazine that highlighted the total change over in the mind set and practices of many girls who left their towns and migrated to metros to work for these industries. Many of these supposed to be conservative and cultured girls have not only well adapted themselves to the city/metro life BUT have got into undesirable practices, relationships etc, having ample space in their new found economic and social liberty, away from their home. They went far beyond the limits they could probably have thought before to the extent that they have lost connections with their family back home and have lost themselves in varying degrees.


2) A married guy whom I know through one of my close friends (my school mate), works for a BPO company and his wife too works for an another BPO company. They have different shifts. His wife does the UK Shift from 2pm to 11pm and he works for American clients from 8pm to 5am (Night Shift). This guy have happy marriage life and have a girl bay. After two years of marriage he actively got into engaging Call girls/ladies during the day time when his wife goes to work. He gives his reasoning stating, he works at night and sleep in the morning for 6 hours and when he walks up afresh he don't find his wife to share physical pleasures. And by the time she returns home he would be out of home and reporting for his duty. He also says that he can understand his wife's needs too and just don't want to ponder over how she manages alone at night when he is out. For the fact that, he neither could object her nor can encourage/support her.

3) Many unmarried male and female employees of these BPO and Call Center companies are sharing physical needs among their preferred partners in the office itself, during the night shift breaks. For many, this has created lots and lots of issues after their marriage with some other guy who was not his/her sex partner in the same office, in some way or other.


4) As such, the ground reality is, men and women working in BPO's and Call Centers are left with no choice other than marrying some one from the same industry/office, as others don't want to opt them. The pathetic/ironical part is that, many men and women working in these industries who all are not into exchanging physical needs between their colleagues are themselves not so willing to marry some one from the same industry as they can't be sure if the person they gonna marry carry their same values and have lived by that, so far and if they would be having any secret relationship issues or not.

5) Peer pressures in these industries have gradually changed the mind set of many female employees who all gradually and willingly started to give way to their superiors to use them for their relaxation. This service to their supervisors/team leaders not only help them securing their job BUT helps them in gaining career escalations.


6) Many girls had to suffer in the hands of these sexually abusive seniors and had to quit their job before its too late. Ironically, in the marriage market, these innocent and clear chit girls get into toughest scrutiny by the boys before possible marriage, considering these girls Past Career in these Industries.


Though it is not right and good to paint a broad brush of generalization over men and women working in these industries, there are many men and women outside who are determined well as not to marry a boy/girl who is working in these BPO's and Call Centres. At the end of the day no one want to take chance/risk and suffer possible mishap in their marriage. Exceptions do exists in these and there exists a open and broad mind set of granting free space to their spouse as per their wish as well.
hi ravi,

its reality...i know one story like this in USA...the gal was working in BPO/CAll CENTRE in india ...she had boy friend

in the same office....she got married with USA guy....with lavish and attended by even ministers ...with her

previous experiences.....she continued with her ex through email....this poor guy learned later and had a lot

of domestic violence...finally separated and divorced before first wedding anniversary...
 
hi ravi,

its reality...i know one story like this in USA...the gal was working in BPO/CAll CENTRE in india ...she had boy friend

in the same office....she got married with USA guy....with lavish and attended by even ministers ...with her

previous experiences.....she continued with her ex through email....this poor guy learned later and had a lot

of domestic violence...finally separated and divorced before first wedding anniversary...


Shri TBS,

YES!! There are such cases and many serious cases too where a lady after marriage continued to have physical affair with her Ex Boyfriend who is/was her colleague.

There are such husbands too, from these BPO/Call Centre industry.

I remember, long back, a guy in his early 20's said that, if boys and girls want to have great socialization, great fun and loads of pleasures and experiences should get into soft skills and Foreign Accent training courses and get into a BPO/Call Center jobs. The industry is a one stop shop for everything!!! From money to honey!!


Majority of divorces cases today are of the couples working in BPO/I.T./Call Centers. Either both or one of the couples working in such industries.

Majority of couples who ironically get into fight on issues of checking each others mobile phones for possible messages and phone call records, are those who are working for BPOs/Call Centers.

How sad is the situation!!! People work in these industries to improve their financial positions. The industry offers better life for many and at the same time has turned out to be a messing up platform.

 

I saw the profile of a girl who has finished her MCA and started her own I T company. She has about six

persons working under her. Her income is given as 16 lakhs PA. Earlier, the expectation was that the

groom should earn 24 lakhs PA. She wants her partner to allow her to continue as an entrepreneur and

support her in all her ventures. This profile is in a site for nearly one year and just a few days back, there

was a 'like your profile' mail for Ram's nephew! This girl's profile is edited and now the expected income

of partner has come down to 16 lakhs!! Since the letter of interest came three times, Ram wished to talk

to them. Her father was keen in meeting us but he wanted us to talk to his wife! That mAmi interviewed

Ram for about half an hour ( the telephone bill is ours!) and finally told that the girl has to talk to the boy

and no need for the family to meet first. The girl sent an SMS to him saying that she is very busy and will

call our nephew later when she is free! And ten days have gone :tape: !!
 
Shmt Raji Ram,

After reading your post no.153, I just laughed out ironically. Hope you do understand.


I would like to suggest you for Mr.Ram's nephew to register his profile in
http://bharatbrahminmatrimonial.com/ , if you are not aware of this matrimonial service.

I feel, it would be better to look for a girl as well who is qualified just with basic degree and is working for some decent company, banks etc OR may not be working at all, from a middle class family. A Good family and a good girl is what that can give a contented life to a boy. In fact, would give a peaceful and harmonious married life to the couple.



 

Dear Ravi,

This page was in my mail box and I wish to share it here. You will surely like it! :)

===================================================================

Why Some Men Have a Dog And No Wife:


1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

4. A dog's parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.

7. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

8. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"

9. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

10. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

11. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.

And last... but not least:

12. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.


To test this theory:

Lock your wife and your dog in the garage for an hour. Then open it and see who's happy to see you. :dance:
 

dear ravi,

this page was in my mail box and i wish to share it here. You will surely like it! :)

===================================================================

why some men have a dog and no wife:


1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

4. A dog's parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.

7. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

8. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "if i died, would you get another dog?"

9. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

10. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

11. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.

And last... But not least:

12. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.


to test this theory:

lock your wife and your dog in the garage for an hour. Then open it and see who's happy to see you. :dance:

lol!!!
 
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......... I am sure the labels like amateur mean just the total number of posts made and nothing more. By your token all of us have to simply cower before veterans with >19,000 posts and >2 lakh points! ;)
Dear Sangom Sir,

When did you start counting posts and points? :confused:

FYI, Of late, I am seeing quite a few veteran newbies!!

'veteran' because of three years of registration;

'newbie' because of posts < 10. :D
 
As I mentioned in my earlier post, life is a cycle. Earlier (up to Y2k) men dictated terms. Now, women do thanks to their education and income. Unfortunately, it just happens that some people are at the wrong ends at the wrong time. This trend would would change in may be 20 years' time and some other trend would emerge. I do notice one trend that women prefer career to life. They must understand that career is part of life and is not life itself. Earning fancy salary is all fine. But it gets a meaning only when there is a happy family. Money or position should not bring arrogance and should not blind one to the risks of time. It is more important to be happy than to be wealthy. Youth hood is a rainbow. Nerves can be active only till the curves are there (LOL). May be parents can play a role here, if only kids listen!:director:
 
As I mentioned in my earlier post, life is a cycle. Earlier (up to Y2k) men dictated terms. Now, women do thanks to their education and income. Unfortunately, it just happens that some people are at the wrong ends at the wrong time. This trend would would change in may be 20 years' time and some other trend would emerge. I do notice one trend that women prefer career to life. They must understand that career is part of life and is not life itself. Earning fancy salary is all fine. But it gets a meaning only when there is a happy family. Money or position should not bring arrogance and should not blind one to the risks of time. It is more important to be happy than to be wealthy. Youth hood is a rainbow. Nerves can be active only till the curves are there (LOL). May be parents can play a role here, if only kids listen!:director:

I find it odd that all the advice is directed to girls/women and none to boys/men or their parents. In a changing world all participants need to adapt or they become extinct.

I wonder why boys/their parents think they don't need to change? Don't they have daughters and don't they put similar conditions when they look for a match for their daughters?

Strange!!!

K. Kumar
 
Ref post 161.

I believe the trend of postponng marriage for the sake of career is more with the girls. Hence I wrote about it. I am in no way biased against women. My post (and not advice) mentioned about girls because they have child bearing (li)ability. So, it is important for them to get married on time. Laying unreasonable conditions would give an impression that one has got arrogant because of money. If a girl decide to stay alone, it is her own choice. I am not saying that girls must get married. I am not worried at this stage about the potential of human species becoming extinct.:peace:
 
Dear Mr.Haridasa Siva,


Hope men and women understand the basic concern that you have reflected in your posts.

I fail to understand why some men and women could not understand the crux of the issue and its genuine expressions and start feeling offended.
 
Thanks to Mr. Haridasa for mentioning the biological clock that for most women starts to tick in their 30s. Unfortunately for many men the biological "clock" (ie the urge to get a partner) starts to tick when they are 16!

That's why you see many bachelors lamenting in this forum, but no girls. Presumably they can get a partner with a snap of their fingers!
 
Dear Friends, All the comments reveal the trend in the last 10/ 15 years. It is a fact of life that
Life/Death are common. Likewise the biological cycle for men/ women is fixed. Study/ earning/ marrying/ getting children & all following life for the next few decades & getting old & concentrate on their children for the same purpose which we all have followed, with ups & downs ---But still live fairly decent life & earn good name in the Society If the present day , otherwise shrewd Boys/ girls can follow this proven path & simultaneously add healthy ideas for inclusive growth of their families without giving chance to break- away. For ensuring this, they have to be practical in their approach , so that the main purpose / flow of life is uninterrupted by any whims ?
I would request you to be objective in strengthening the centre point of the matter, which only bring unity to our society of Tamil Brahmins.
A.Srinivasan
 
Ref. post no.164

Joke of the Night!!! :pound:


If girls can get their partner with a snap of their fingers, I wonder why lots of girls in their age of 30 - 35+ are still unmarried??

Also, are there that much of guys available in the market who all can match with the exclusive special check list of these girls and are just waiting for them to snap their fingers, to get selected, for a position of husband??

LOL!!

Positively Expecting their unreasonable conditions to be fulfilled, these girls can not lament about not getting a guy for marriage.


By the by, would like to know how many unmarried girls are here as a member of this forum and how many can dare to lament, wailing for their unmarried status still at their age of 30+ ??


 
As I mentioned in my earlier post, life is a cycle. Earlier (up to Y2k) men dictated terms. Now, women do thanks to their education and income. Unfortunately, it just happens that some people are at the wrong ends at the wrong time. This trend would would change in may be 20 years' time and some other trend would emerge. I do notice one trend that women prefer career to life. They must understand that career is part of life and is not life itself. Earning fancy salary is all fine. But it gets a meaning only when there is a happy family. Money or position should not bring arrogance and should not blind one to the risks of time. It is more important to be happy than to be wealthy. Youth hood is a rainbow. Nerves can be active only till the curves are there (LOL). May be parents can play a role here, if only kids listen!:director:

i am not particularly replying to haridas, but more an observation of this and suchlike posts. again, i am not defending or opposing any pov. what i wish to write is observations. based on 60 + years in this planet, and living in multiple cultures over time.

i think, not only we tambrams, but indian society as a whole is moving towards a different paradigms. the west went through it a few decades ago, and now it is our turn.

already the marriage age has moved to mid twenties and beyond. now we are seeing a group of youngsters unable to marry. but also, i think, within us, there are folks who do not want to marry or raise a family. it is not everyone's desire to have a family - except in the previous generations folks had no choice - influenced by societal values. of that time.

any change, i believe, while welcomed by a group, causes angst in others. my aunt joined IRAS in 1960, and was heaped verbal abuses for taking a senior position away from men (read family supporters) and also neglecting her children. today, such abuses, i think, are seldom heard, as female participation in the work force has become a norm. and the thought of additional increase in standard of living, is but a tempting fruit, which most of urban livers can seldom refuse.

in the course of human progress, this may be another way for population to reach a steady state and ultimately decrease. for how long mother earth can be pillaged and ra*ed and still sustain its sanity? the western populations are in decline. the tambram is in decline or steady state, because in order to increase one should have more than 2 children.

that in the course of career advancements and such like, we tending to postpone marriage or having children, does have a social shock, passed on to generations coming after us. today, there is no longer any lily white society in europe - the large scale migrations of coloured people after world war 2 has permanently marked its features on those societies (unless another hitler arises and conducts a mass selective genocide).

our own tamilnadu, the agraharams are lying vacant, ruins or occupied by other castes and in some cases by other religions. i do not know when the concept of agraharam started, but i bet it atleast a few hundred years old. and unless we have a model one built for musem sake, there are none anymore. and unlikely to be in future.

these are my observations, done with an effort for objectivity and in a dispassionate manner. but one cannot have a pang of sorrow, at such observations, particularly of our own community, when it is reaching its zenith of prosperity, it also faces the long decline in its numbers, and along with it, whatever influence it had, in tamil society.

on a similar point, the annual sujatha awards, in memoryof the writer, and awarded by his memorial trust is being awarded. i went through the list of i think, 8 winners, mostly male young tamil writers, and not a single tambram in the list. i, who enjoy, kalki, t janakiraman, jothirlatha girija, asokamithran, now focus on jeyamohan, poomani, manushyaputhiran and such, the latter all top notch writers, and console myself, that in the overall picture, we are all TAMILS and who cares what caste or community they belong. in many aspects of tamil life, including in the literary scene the tamil brahmin has passed on to history. there are no more young tamil literateurs from our community, that i know.

such is life!!
 
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Ref. post no.164
Joke of the Night!!! :pound:


What's so funny? The plight of the unmarried men? Or the fact that most of them make one post cursing women and then disappear? I would hardly call them forum members as they just use this as a rant forum.
 
............ That's why you see many bachelors lamenting in this forum, but no girls. Presumably they can get a partner with a snap of their fingers!
Dear Biswa Sir,

There are not many girls in our forum to lament. If at all they lament, it would be only for NOT getting the

best deal yet! When I was discussing the present day scenario to Ram's nephew, who is on the partner

search, that the only problem a girl still has is that she can not make her husband go through pregnancy!

He coolly replied, 'Some girls do not care to go through pregnancy and know that they can very easily

'outsource'! Howzzzat?

BTW, my younger sister has seen an ad. in a Malayalam matrimony site, by a girl, who has specifically

mentioned that she doesn't want to have children and those who have the similar views need to apply! :dizzy:
 
What's so funny? The plight of the unmarried men? Or the fact that most of them make one post cursing women and then disappear? I would hardly call them forum members as they just use this as a rant forum.


There is an elaboration on the Joke I figured out and expressed in my post no.166. You seem to have ignored reading the elaboration and seeking clarification, having yourself stuck with that one line of mine with a smilie that you have quoted.

If you say, men who want to have a family life as being pathetic due to their non marriage, I am in shock thinking of the plight of unmarried girls. Thinking, do they really wish to have a spouse and child in their life and how could they manage with their natural influences of human's physical body??


 
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Dear Biswa Sir,

BTW, my younger sister has seen an ad. in a Malayalam matrimony site, by a girl, who has specifically

mentioned that she doesn't want to have children and those who have the similar views need to apply! :dizzy:


Shmt.Raji Ram,


Considering the Women empowerment, professional success, financial and social independence, I am now of the opinion that, such girls need to be given a big round of applause.

There are many experienced Men who could identify the strength and intelligence of such girls and could pat their back to keep them encouraged, I feel, I should also resort to that mental make up and join them to cheer up these girls!!!
 
I was just wondering how come no guy thinks he must be lacking in something or the other and that could be a reason why girls did not accept the marriage proposals.

Every guy seems to think that there should be no reason why a girl should reject them.

Sometimes we need to do a self check to see if we have the requirements that meet the demands.

Just like a business we need to provide service that has market value and meets the demands and expectation of the clients.


I am reminded of a marriage proposal for me when I was younger from a family whose son was a doctor(Orthopedic Surgeon)...the family just could not take No for an answer.

They were asking my family.."on what grounds your daughter did not agree to the proposal"

They wanted to know what was lacking in their son?

His parents said that their son was an Orthopedic Surgeon etc..so what could be wrong?

You see....he being an Ortho Surgeon was no big deal for me cos I am also a doctor.

The truth is I did not like his looks.

But I can't tell his parents that I do not like their son's looks(that is impolite)..so my family just found some excuse or the other to decline the proposal politely.


That is what I am saying...males somehow think that when they propose to a girls family the girl has to say yes.

Girls might have their own reasons of saying yes or no.
 
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Unfortunately for many men the biological "clock" (ie the urge to get a partner) starts to tick when they are 16!

That's why you see many bachelors lamenting in this forum, but no girls. Presumably they can get a partner with a snap of their fingers!


LOL! I fully agree.

These days its guys who seem to be despondent and lamenting due to a lack of a mate.

Girls seem stable and can also accept the fact that they could lead a single existence.

I have met many girls and have many friends who are happily single by choice.
 
LOL! I fully agree.

These days its guys who seem to be despondent and lamenting due to a lack of a mate.

Girls seem stable and can also accept the fact that they could lead a single existence.

I have met many girls and have many friends who are happily single by choice.



Either you lack the understanding of alarming issue in Tambrams society in Tamil Nadu, where every x y z from all the communities are laughing reading the terms, conditions & expectations of Brahmin Girls in Matrimony OR you just want to make some post in retaliation. If later is the case, this is absolute irresponsibility as a grown up adult and as a parent, IMHO.

I am really shocked to note the utter lack in realizing on part of some of the posters here, on the visible stupidity in girls in "marriage market"


Even a child can question that, if Girls choose to remain single and be happy by that, than "why 1000s have registered their profile in Matrimonial sites as paid members" with the unreasonable expectations?

I am seeing plenty of such profile id's being online and into chat. Either the girl or her brother, father or mother are online and in chat with prospective alliance.


1) If the profiles of these girls are posted by their parents or sibling ONLY, with such expectations, definitely it would not be the case with every single girl.

2) The basic fact is either the parents or the girls or both together are in imaginary world and have posted profiles with such unreasonable and impractical expectations.

As long as 1000's of such girls profiles are reflecting across plenty of Matrimonial sites, I don't think any one would consider it as girls choice to remain single!!

I hope members, at least grown up matured members, at least who all are parents, be responsible in sharing their views constructively IF they care not only for the Tambram society BUT for the well being of the girls as well.

It is not right to compare the western culture where being single is the Self Pride (May be) and encourage the same trend in our Society, just because few Indians have opted it.


Life can be healthy, charm full and contended with reliability and security only if one have one's own family relationship. Those girls and guys are cowards who don't dare to have commitment and responsibility of a family life with a reasonable resources, hopes, right perceptions and positive attitude.


May the Almighty show right path to these girls and shield them from undesirable encouragements by other fellow humans!!!
 
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I have met many girls and have many friends who are happily single by choice.


At this age of 37 with so much of experiences in my life, having seen many aspects of life with sorrow, happiness, ups and downs etc among many humans, I can assertively say that - "Out of 100 single guys and girls, certainly 95% of them are those who hide the truth behind their choice of remaining single and say that they are happy to be single by their choice. In fact, in due course of time/life these are the folks who have forced themselves to accept their life as it is and struggling to remain happy in their inner self when they are all alone, out of the crowd"
 
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