Women and engineer problem in marriage

[sangom]

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At this age of 37 with so much of experiences in my life, having seen many aspects of life with sorrow, happiness, ups and downs etc among many humans, I can assertively say that - "Out of 100 single guys and girls, certainly 95% of them are those who hide the truth behind their choice of remaining single and say that they are happy to be single by their choice. In fact, in due course of time/life these are the folks who have forced themselves to accept their life as it is and struggling to remain happy in their inner self when they are all alone, out of the crowd"

Shri Ravi,

What you say may be true in some cases, but 95% seems to me to be an overstatement. I know of one case (that gentleman may or may not be alive today, I don't know; may his noble soul rest in peace!) in which this eldest son sacrificed his life (and marriage) for the sake of 9 younger siblings and widowed mother. He was 50+ years when I met him. He was very frank and told me that even at that age sexual urge is a problem which he said he controlled by taking a cold water bath and praying to his ishta devata Chandikaa whenever lust seemed to get the upper hand of him. But, at the same time he was happy that his sufferings/poverty and house circumstances compelled him to forego marriage because, according to him, marriage is a definite obstacle in one's spiritual progress. I then felt that probably that was why great persons like Adi Shankara deliberately avoided marriage.

Today, I find one or two eligible bachelors who are well employed abroad, earn very high salaries and all that who refuse marriage. Hence not all 95% of chronic bachelors/spinsters may be "hiding the truth" as you say.

 

[C RAVI]

Shri Sangom,


The crux of my post is that, there will be very very few single Men and Women who are truly happy till the end for having opted to remain single for ever.

Majority of the single folks have chosen to remain single because their life was unfair and cruel in some way or other AND as such, they are some what happy for being single that has helped them in some way or other. When the life is so unfair and cruel, it is off course better to make one's life meaningful by contributing for near and dear ones and feel contented (as mentioned in your post). Its a kind of happiness in disguise!!

How many of us can peep into their heart and say, YES, these people are feeling absolutely happy to have never married and have no family?



As far as those singles are concerned who have similar goals like that of Adi Shankara, to remain single purely for spiritual growth, I bet, there will be only 1 such person from among 1000 people, at least. They are the exceptions and and they don't belong to marriage market.



Some in my neighborhood, some in my other social circle and many unknown Brahmin guys are there who are smart looking, well qualified, decently settled and wish to marry. It is pathetic that they could not fix marriage for themselves yet and its ironical that these unreasonably demanding girls are still not satisfied and are ready to delay their marriage beyond 30-35+ of age so as to have only "the best deal".

 

[tbs]

At this age of 37 with so much of experiences in my life, having seen many aspects of life with sorrow, happiness, ups and downs etc among many humans, I can assertively say that - "Out of 100 single guys and girls, certainly 95% of them are those who hide the truth behind their choice of remaining single and say that they are happy to be single by their choice. In fact, in due course of time/life these are the folks who have forced themselves to accept their life as it is and struggling to remain happy in their inner self when they are all alone, out of the crowd"

hi ravi,
i agreed with u....but better gay/lesbian than being a single....even though i personally against gay/lesbian....but for the

sake of emotional companionship.....i dont know much abt gay/lesbian sexual part....may be like trial and error method....

******* can try gay/lesbian than a bachelor life....any way kids/sampradayams came latter part of life....

 

[C RAVI]

hi ravi,
i agreed with u....but better gay/lesbian than being a single....even though i personally against gay/lesbian....but for the

sake of emotional companionship.....i dont know much abt gay/lesbian sexual part....may be like trial and error method....

******* can try gay/lesbian than a bachelor life....any way kids/sampradayams came latter part of life....

Shri tbs,

Can a person beget offspring and have a family set up being a gay or lesbian??

For emotional companionship, one can chose a good friend and can devote his/her life in spirituality, social services etc.


Homosexuality can just aid one to acquire sexual stimulation other than emotional support. BUT, can not get one a family setup with own biological offspring.


All I believe is, gays and lesbians who ever remains so, at certain point of time would become psychos. They may get into kind of mental sickness, psychological imbalance and sort of depression, sooner or later.

 

[biswa]

Can a person beget offspring and have a family set up being a gay or lesbian??

The answer is yes. There are many gays/lesbians agitating for the right to get married and have a family. Having a child via a surrogate where half the child's DNA comes from one of the parents, is absolutely possible using current medical technology.

You may be 100% straight but calling gays psychos, sickos etc because their sexuality is different from yours is rather condescending and cruel IMHO.

 

[biswa]

If you say, men who want to have a family life as being pathetic due to their non marriage,

Nope, dont think so at all. I actually think they are living a charmed life that some married people may envy. Quite serious. It is just that some people regret being unmarried while others regret being married (and saddled with kids etc.)

 

[renuka]

Either you lack the understanding of alarming issue in Tambrams society in Tamil Nadu, where every x y z from all the communities are laughing reading the terms, conditions & expectations of Brahmin Girls in Matrimony OR you just want to make some post in retaliation. If later is the case, this is absolute irresponsibility as a grown up adult and as a parent, IMHO.

I am really shocked to note the utter lack in realizing on part of some of the posters here, on the visible stupidity in girls in "marriage market"


Even a child can question that, if Girls choose to remain single and be happy by that, than "why 1000s have registered their profile in Matrimonial sites as paid members" with the unreasonable expectations?

I am seeing plenty of such profile id's being online and into chat. Either the girl or her brother, father or mother are online and in chat with prospective alliance.


1) If the profiles of these girls are posted by their parents or sibling ONLY, with such expectations, definitely it would not be the case with every single girl.

2) The basic fact is either the parents or the girls or both together are in imaginary world and have posted profiles with such unreasonable and impractical expectations.

As long as 1000's of such girls profiles are reflecting across plenty of Matrimonial sites, I don't think any one would consider it as girls choice to remain single!!

I hope members, at least grown up matured members, at least who all are parents, be responsible in sharing their views constructively IF they care not only for the Tambram society BUT for the well being of the girls as well.

It is not right to compare the western culture where being single is the Self Pride (May be) and encourage the same trend in our Society, just because few Indians have opted it.


Life can be healthy, charm full and contended with reliability and security only if one have one's own family relationship. Those girls and guys are cowards who don't dare to have commitment and responsibility of a family life with a reasonable resources, hopes, right perceptions and positive attitude.


May the Almighty show right path to these girls and shield them from undesirable encouragements by other fellow humans!!!

Dear Ravi,

You seem not to understand anything at all.

There is something called Karma or since you are in Dubai I would rather use the word Takdir..you see..not everyone has the Karma to get married..some have the Karma to be unhappily married and some have the Karma to be happily single by choice and some have the Karma to be single and keep lamenting about it!

So you see..none of us knows what really lies ahead...getting married isn't the only thing in life.

Tell me what do bachelors in this forum get by ranting non stop about the lack of understanding of girls these days blah blah blah!

You guys only get even more frustration and become dejected and depressed.

The best is leave everything to God to decide..if there is meant to be a partner for you...so be it it.

In the matrimony section of this forum there is a poor brahmin family looking for a groom for their educated but unemployed daughter.

Why don't you bachelors try to get in contact with that girl?

If you want something..you need to work hard.

I can safely say now most guys are actually toooooooo demanding..I have no idea what they want.
They seem to want an educated girl who will earn well and yet be a door mat to them and still be a traditional wife.

Wake up guys...it is not possible to have everything rolled into one.

 

[kkumar29]

Dear Ravi,

Tell me what do bachelors in this forum get by ranting non stop about the lack of understanding of girls these days blah blah blah!

You guys only get even more frustration and become dejected and depressed.

The best is leave everything to God to decide..if there is meant to be a partner for you...so be it it.

In the matrimony section of this forum there is a poor brahmin family looking for a groom for their educated but unemployed daughter.

Why don't you bachelors try to get in contact with that girl?

If you want something..you need to work hard.

I can safely say now most guys are actually toooooooo demanding..I have no idea what they want.
They seem to want an educated girl who will earn well and yet be a door mat to them and still be a traditional wife.

Wake up guys...it is not possible to have everything rolled into one.

Bravo! Someone had to say it

K. Kumar

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Renu,

I find the demands by both highly place boys and girls too much. In the tambram circle, girls earning around

20 K /p.m also search for the 'high bracket' income guys and since the major expenses of the weddings are

by the girls' parents, they too consider it as a 'one time investment' to get a luxurious life for their daughter!

Now a days, girls have the upper hand and there is no doubt about it.


But I am surprised to find that guys who are in the very high income group also wish to marry a girl with same

income and expect her to do all the house hold chores too! This is too bad. EMI for a decent flat in Sing. Chennai

is around 40 K and the salary of the wife is used by many guys for this payment. I have seen a couple of such guys

in my extended family. Everyone wants to live a very luxurious life and the power of money is slowly destroying

the good qualities in people. May be this is the trend of 'modern age'!!

 

[renuka]

Dear RR ji,

May be India should adopt what we Msian Indians do.

Girl's side pays for engagement expenses and Boy' side pay for the wedding.

In India since girls side still pay most the expenses for wedding so may be that is why this problem is happening.

In Msia we don't see this much problems and demands during marriage.

But from what I can make out from Forum is the guys seem to have unrealistic expectations like:

1)Girl should be highly educated and earning well.

2)Good looking

3)Most will want fair skinned girls

4)Must still be a traditional girl in dressing.

I am sure guys will control what their wives wear and not expect them to be modern in dressing.

5)Girl must know how to whip up a traditional meal and also if possible draw a Kolam before going to work.


Before in Forum I used to sympathize with guys but now I am starting to feel the problem is mainly with the guys and that is why girls are running away from thought of marriage with such guys.

Guys do not want change..they want a traditional "housewife" types of girl with a career.

Believe me it is not 100% possible to juggle home and work.


Yesterday was a holiday for me and I spent my time taking my son out for half the day..before that I woke up at 6am to exercise and do housework and cooked lunch.

Then when we came back I was still doing housework and cooked dinner too and managed to read Chapter 2 of Geeta before going to bed.

The reason I am saying this is that life as a working wife is not as a easy cos we have to do extra work and a husband can not expect perfection in terms of meals and lifestyle at home.

I did not make a traditional meal yesterday cos it takes time...I cooked Quiona(only needs boiling) pressure cooked kidney beans and chickpeas,added fresh vegetable like tomato and red bell pepper and sliced mango and made dressing from raspberry and olive oil.

So this was lunch a bright colorful mix of fruits and vegetables and beans and Quiona.

So you see..one has to expect some changes in meals and life style...one can only make 100% traditional meals when we have lots of time like on weekends.

So a husband should be willing to wait till weekends to get traditional meals and also not to expect a wife to be drawing a Kolam every morning.

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Renu,

Many guys want their spouses to wear modern dress. That is not a problem at all! And many girls do not

know how to draw a kolam and stickers are available to make life easy! So that is not an issue. Pizzas and

pastas have gained popularity and many tambrams do not like traditional food too. The major problem arises

when the girl has dependent parents and wishes to help them financially.

 

[tbs]

Dear Renu,

Many guys want their spouses to wear modern dress. That is not a problem at all! And many girls do not

know how to draw a kolam and stickers are available to make life easy! So that is not an issue. Pizzas and

pastas have gained popularity and many tambrams do not like traditional food too. The major problem arises

when the girl has dependent parents and wishes to help them financially.

hi RR madam,
renu has difficulty to understand a typical indian tambra gal problem....she generalize and talk like global phenomena.....

a tambra gal problem is different from others esp in sing. chennai.....

 

[renuka]

hi RR madam,
renu has difficulty to understand a typical indian tambra gal problem....she generalize and talk like global phenomena.....

a tambra gal problem is different from others esp in sing. chennai.....

Dear TBS Garu,

I do agree with you that I may fail to understand the TB gal scenario but the pictures guys in forum are painting seems like as if TB girls are like some Rakshasis and TB guys are like Lord Rama.

But there is a reason why I tend to generalize and make it a "global phenomenon".

You see ...I did not choose to use the word Surphanaka above and used the general term Rakshasi cos Surphanaka is not a good example...she did not care how much Rama or Lakshmana earned or if they had to take care of their parents or if they were married to start with!LOL.

In fact she did not even bother to ask Rama or Lakshmana about their lineage...all she wanted was love and she never gave up.

So I hope you understand now why I sometimes tend to generalize when I write cos being specific might not suit the situation being described by guys here!LOL

 

[renuka]

The major problem arises

when the girl has dependent parents and wishes to help them financially.

Dear RR ji,

I feel the present day scenario was started by males in the past.

In the past males expected their wives to be disconnected from their families especially the financial part where wives were never allowed to help their parents financially and all these had made the average Indian women defensive.

So the defensiveness were passed on to the present generation of girls who have decided to make sure their rights come first and take care of their own interest first.

Just like how doctors in the past could freely treat patients cos patients were nice and respectful...now patients can be a pain to deal with and they can sue you for anything they are not happy with..so doctors have become defensive and play defensive medicine.

When a patient walks in at the back of our mind we think "how to make sure I leave no stone un turned so that I give no one a chance to find fault with me"..Ok now all these translates to extra test and extra cost.

Sometimes when we tell a patient that a blood test might not be needed they start demanding for one..so we think Ok since he is demanding just go along to make sure he does not sue us in case we might miss something.

The free will to treat is gone becos patients refuse to be patients and want to play doctors these days.

So same way..if males were kind enough to wives in the past and treated her as an equal partner and this would not have happened.

So may be we can say its Karma too...all the tortured wives of yesteryears were born as demanding girls today and their mean husbands were born as today's males who keep lamenting for a wife!

 

[sadasivam.sridharan]

There is an actual case where the father of a girl turned down a marriage alliance with a boy of same cast with perfect matching of horoscopes just because the boy is a MCA graduate ( university rank holder) and his darling daughter is a BE from one of remote engineering colleges mushrooming all over tamil nadu.No amount of counselling by a well meaning mediator explaining the boy's academic achievements, his top notch professional standing in a reputed MNC with many BE and M.Tech graduates working under him ,his handsome salary and perks did not convince him a bit.He got his daughter married to a BE graduate of moderate income.After the marriage the girl finally landed in the job under the same MCA boy whom her father considered as inferior as for as the educational qualification is concerned.

 

[renuka]

There is an actual case where the father of a girl turned down a marriage alliance with a boy of same cast with perfect matching of horoscopes just because the boy is a MCA graduate ( university rank holder) and his darling daughter is a BE from one of remote engineering colleges mushrooming all over tamil nadu.No amount of counselling by a well meaning mediator explaining the boy's academic achievements, his top notch professional standing in a reputed MNC with many BE and M.Tech graduates working under him ,his handsome salary and perks did not convince him a bit.He got his daughter married to a BE graduate of moderate income.After the marriage the girl finally landed in the job under the same MCA boy whom her father considered as inferior as for as the educational qualification is concerned.

Dear Sir,

May be there could have been some other factor why the girls side did not agree to the proposal and they were using the excuse of the degree just to push off the proposal.

You see in the case you wrote...if money is what everyone wants why did the family settle for a groom with a lesser income then the 1st guy??

So there must have been some factor why the girls side did not want the proposal.

Believe me its hard to be point blank to grooms side..so girls side have to cook up lots of stories just to push off a proposal.

 

[tbs]

There is an actual case where the father of a girl turned down a marriage alliance with a boy of same cast with perfect matching of horoscopes just because the boy is a MCA graduate ( university rank holder) and his darling daughter is a BE from one of remote engineering colleges mushrooming all over tamil nadu.No amount of counselling by a well meaning mediator explaining the boy's academic achievements, his top notch professional standing in a reputed MNC with many BE and M.Tech graduates working under him ,his handsome salary and perks did not convince him a bit.He got his daughter married to a BE graduate of moderate income.After the marriage the girl finally landed in the job under the same MCA boy whom her father considered as inferior as for as the educational qualification is concerned.

hi
may be this gal is not his karma.....i beleive that the marriage is pre-destined.......i beleive in karma and destiny.....so the gal

is meant for somebody....not for this boy......

 

[C RAVI]

There is an actual case where the father of a girl turned down a marriage alliance with a boy of same cast with perfect matching of horoscopes just because the boy is a MCA graduate ( university rank holder) and his darling daughter is a BE from one of remote engineering colleges mushrooming all over tamil nadu.No amount of counselling by a well meaning mediator explaining the boy's academic achievements, his top notch professional standing in a reputed MNC with many BE and M.Tech graduates working under him ,his handsome salary and perks did not convince him a bit.He got his daughter married to a BE graduate of moderate income.After the marriage the girl finally landed in the job under the same MCA boy whom her father considered as inferior as for as the educational qualification is concerned.

Shri S.S.

I doubt, if some of the members could understand the validity in our complaints? There are many many such idiotic rejections from girls side.

I chose not to highlight such funny cases showing the stupidity in selecting the partner by girls and their parents ONLY because, people here would most probably think that I am making up my own stories. Thus, I made it a point and till now refrain from referring to such cases.

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Renu,

In the previous generations, women were taking care of home front and many did not go for work outside.

The scenario was totally different. Each family had a few sons and daughters, out of whom at least some

were ready to take care of the parents in their old age. Now each family has one or two children and many

have both daughters! The dependent parent have no other go than to expect the daughter to help them.

So, conditions are laid before the wedding that they will have to support their parents and it should not be

objected.

The parents who can take care of their needs by themselves are blesses ones!

 

[C RAVI]

Dear Ravi,

You seem not to understand anything at all.

There is something called Karma or since you are in Dubai I would rather use the word Takdir..you see..not everyone has the Karma to get married..some have the Karma to be unhappily married and some have the Karma to be happily single by choice and some have the Karma to be single and keep lamenting about it!

So you see..none of us knows what really lies ahead...getting married isn't the only thing in life.

If you want to talk about karma and justify the alarming issues collectively raised by girls and their parents, will you justify a systematic harassment, discrimination, cheating etc by a set people against you and refrain from talking about this to any one ever, on the basis of karma theory?

Tell me what do bachelors in this forum get by ranting non stop about the lack of understanding of girls these days blah blah blah!

Request Mr.Praveen to Ban/Restrict any thread topic that are meant to focus on certain issues in the ground reality, that all are related to Brahmin Girls in the marriage market.

If you can't do that, I advice you and like minded members to refrain from visiting such threads and make irrelevant post just to counter argue without any basis.

As long as such thread exists, there will be few members including myself who would not desist from highlighting the truth, just to remain diplomatic & attractive

You guys only get even more frustration and become dejected and depressed.

The best is leave everything to God to decide..if there is meant to be a partner for you...so be it it.

There were/are many threads for full swing discussions on social issues, religious controversies, caste issues, GOD, etc here in this forum and every one were/are in toes to highlight their part. So, is this thread and will be the same in such threads.

No one gonna be frustrated and distressed. Life goes on with hectic professional and personal schedules/issues for each and every one.

In the matrimony section of this forum there is a poor brahmin family looking for a groom for their educated but unemployed daughter.

Why don't you bachelors try to get in contact with that girl?

Do you have any idea if any one here contacted that family you are referring to? Do you know what's the age of that girl and what's the age of guys here who are highlighting the issues, being singe at 30+ age?

Do you have any idea as what is acceptable and what is not by that girl and her family?

If you want something..you need to work hard.

This is what every men and women are doing!! No one on the roads are complaining for not getting a girl for him.

I tell the same to the girls who all have considered marriage as a business proposition. I want them to just have reasonable expectations and work hard along with husband to build the family.

Its the responsibility of both the working couple to share every work at home without any complaints. Enjoy the burden of life together and find happiness in compassionate companionship.

I can safely say now most guys are actually toooooooo demanding..I have no idea what they want.
They seem to want an educated girl who will earn well and yet be a door mat to them and still be a traditional wife.

This is just a tit for tat statement, just for the sake of it!! There are, but very few who "wish" to treat their wife as door mate. Such nonsense trend can not and does not exist in the present time, except few exceptional cases.

In present globalized environment, no one is traditionally fanatic and expecting the wife to be highly traditional. Just because Brahmin guys respect, love and want to follow certain traditions including karma related procedures as and when necessary, wear poonal and do poonal related stuffs it is not right to highlight them as traditionally fanatic and unreasonably demanding, such that they are projected in bad picture. Only folks from other religion, other caste would do that!! As well only those Brahmin girls who wish to marry only NB guys would make such false allegations to justify themselves.

Wake up guys...it is not possible to have everything rolled into one

.

This advice is what most essentially needed for todays Brahmin Girls!!

 

[sangom]

Shri S.S.

I doubt, if some of the members could understand the validity in our complaints? There are many many such idiotic rejections from girls side.

I chose not to highlight such funny cases showing the stupidity of selecting the partner by girls and their parents ONLY because, people here would most probably think that I am making up my own stories. Thus, I made it a point and till now refrain from referring to such cases.

Dear Shri Ravi,

Though I have difference with you about the percentage of happy unmarried males, I agree that among our tabras, the grils' side have got the upper hand now and they dictate the terms of the marriage, which is like the mirror image of the position some decades ago when the boys' side used to behave like tyrants and used to dictate every "nut and bolt" of the marriage and also the married life of the girl.

As Smt. Renuka has wisely observed, may be the girls' side is taking maximal advantage of the prevailing "demand & supply" situation of tabra boys in the marriage market and are choosing the best of the best deals they can get.

But one point which I have observed is that the boys and their parents have still not become "really aware" of the ground realities and are hoping (against hope, that is) that at least in their individual case, the fortunes will smile on them and their son so that they will succeed in getting for their son a wife who satisfies the adage:

कार्येषु मन्त्री करणेषु दासी भोज्येषु माता शयनेषु वेश्या ।
धर्मानुकूला क्षमया धरित्री भार्या च षाड्गुण्यवतीह दुर्लभा ॥

kāryeṣu mantrī karaṇeṣu dāsī bhojyeṣu mātā śayaneṣu veśyā |
dharmānukūlā kṣamayā dharitrī bhāryā ca ṣāḍguṇyavatīha durlabhā ||

(She should be like a wise minister [to the king, that is], like a maid-servant or dāsī [in executing the husband's orders/commands], like the husband's mother when it comes to serving him meals, like a very adept prostitute in the bed, [she should be] always on the side of dharma, should possess patience like mother earth, and such a wife possessing all these six gunas is really scarce.)

I am of the confirmed view that the tabra boys and their parents should completely get out of the above syndrome and get into the marriage market like one carrying merchandise to the village shanty, fully and realistically aware of the fact that their goods or சரக்கு (carakku) has very poor demand, and try to get the best possible sale price, that is the best of the offers which come. Once their son is married, the boys' parents should also be ready to forget about any financial support from him (and this is nothing very inequitable, because our society made the girls' parents to forgo their daughters' earnings, not so long ago and all the money used to be enjoyed by the boys' parents. This is how the great Law of Karma works just as the reservation system has now cornered the brahmins into a tight spot with no escape; when I or somebody else says that this is the accumulated collective Karmaphala of brahmins, it is immediately branded as 'brahmin bashing' and all that. But Karma and Karmaphala is the most powerful forces which even the supreme-most gods imagined by human minds can never overrule.)

If the parents of boys start learning this bitter lesson the earlier the better. Otherwise there will be very many unmarried boys of 50 or even 60 among the tabras, very soon, who are unhappy because they could not taste sex. And there will be equal or more number of married tabras who are unhappy because they got married and have been disappointed due to all their expectations having been dashed to utter ruins and themselves being reduced to the position of lap dogs.

 

[C RAVI]

hi
may be this gal is not his karma.....i beleive that the marriage is pre-destined.......i beleive in karma and destiny.....so the gal

is meant for somebody....not for this boy......

Shri tbs,

Going by your Karma theory and that of few others, probably all the girls who all are into imaginary world, unreasonable and impractical expectations etc have collectively favored the Karma of plenty of eligible guys!!

And these girls also became pray of their own Karma and are remaining single still beyond 30-35+ age.

Going by that, unfortunately these guys and girls are incapable to fight against their karma and make their life.

Thus, does it proves that mere humans (men & women) are absolutely helpless and that the girls are forced to have such unreasonable expectations due to their own karma as well?


If we can wind up highlighting the marriage issues in ground reality based on Karma theory, it is clear that all the threads that are to highlight castism, racism, personal/social/political discriminations and attracities etc etc, can be closed the moment the 1st post after the OP appears as a reply with 1 world - "KARMA"

??

 

[C RAVI]

Dear Shri Ravi,


But one point which I have observed is that the boys and their parents have still not become "really aware" of the ground realities and are hoping (against hope, that is) that at least in their individual case, the fortunes will smile on them and their son so that they will succeed in getting for their son a wife who satisfies the adage:

कार्येषु मन्त्री करणेषु दासी भोज्येषु माता शयनेषु वेश्या ।
धर्मानुकूला क्षमया धरित्री भार्या च षाड्गुण्यवतीह दुर्लभा ॥

kāryeṣu mantrī karaṇeṣu dāsī bhojyeṣu mātā śayaneṣu veśyā |
dharmānukūlā kṣamayā dharitrī bhāryā ca ṣāḍguṇyavatīha durlabhā ||

(She should be like a wise minister [to the king, that is], like a maid-servant or dāsī [in executing the husband's orders/commands], like the husband's mother when it comes to serving him meals, like a very adept prostitute in the bed, [she should be] always on the side of dharma, should possess patience like mother earth, and such a wife possessing all these six gunas is really scarce.)

I am of the confirmed view that the tabra boys and their parents should completely get out of the above syndrome...

Referring to the scripture based on absolutely out dated society with different life style and expectation, you are forming your own views and finding fault with present time guys and their parents.

I request you to come out of this views of your generation (and past generation) and get into the ground realities, breaking all the mental blocks.

It is not in good taste to use such past dated societal scriptures of yore so as to to put present time guys and their parents in bad picture and instilling negative impressions about boys and their parent in girls mind, aggravating them and NOT letting them realize what's wrong on their part.

Without doing any harm in your attempt to downplay and nullify the ground realities of marriage market Kindly do favors to these girls and their wailing and helpless parents!!

........very soon, who are unhappy because they could not taste sex. And there will be equal or more number of married tabras who are unhappy because they got married and have been disappointed due to all their expectations having been dashed to utter ruins and themselves being reduced to the position of lap dogs.

To taste sex guys have many ways and means. These ways and means can give them sexual satisfaction without cheating on some one and without being scared of exploitation in hands of some one. I am only concerned about single girls who too are mere human being!!

Disappointment in marriage can take place with any one. No one wish to remain single expecting possibly getting dashed to utter ruins and being reduced to the position of lap dogs. As well, I have come across the stories of many happily married couples for years getting separated based on accusation on each other and that of well established, lavishly living couples coming to roads.

 

[renuka]

If you want to talk about karma and justify the alarming issues collectively raised by girls and their parents, will you justify a systematic harassment, discrimination, cheating etc by a set people against you and refrain from talking about this to any one ever, on the basis of karma theory?





Request Mr.Praveen to Ban/Restrict any thread topic that are meant to focus on certain issues in the ground reality, that all are related to Brahmin Girls in the marriage market.

If you can't do that, I advice you and like minded members to refrain from visiting such threads and make irrelevant post just to counter argue without any basis.

As long as such thread exists, there will be few members including myself who would not desist from highlighting the truth, just to remain diplomatic & attractive




There were/are many threads for full swing discussions on social issues, religious controversies, caste issues, GOD, etc here in this forum and every one were/are in toes to highlight their part. So, is this thread and will be the same in such threads.

No one gonna be frustrated and distressed. Life goes on with hectic professional and personal schedules/issues for each and every one.





Do you have any idea if any one here contacted that family you are referring to? Do you know what's the age of that girl and what's the age of guys here who are highlighting the issues, being singe at 30+ age?

Do you have any idea as what is acceptable and what is not by that girl and her family?




This is what every men and women are doing!! No one on the roads are complaining for not getting a girl for him.

I tell the same to the girls who all have considered marriage as a business proposition. I want them to just have reasonable expectations and work hard along with husband to build the family.

Its the responsibility of both the working couple to share every work at home without any complaints. Enjoy the burden of life together and find happiness in compassionate companionship.






This is just a tit for tat statement, just for the sake of it!! There are, but very few who "wish" to treat their wife as door mate. Such nonsense trend can not and does not exist in the present time, except few exceptional cases.

In present globalized environment, no one is traditionally fanatic and expecting the wife to be highly traditional. Just because Brahmin guys respect, love and want to follow certain traditions including karma related procedures as and when necessary, wear poonal and do poonal related stuffs it is not right to highlight them as traditionally fanatic and unreasonably demanding, such that they are projected in bad picture. Only folks from other religion, other caste would do that!! As well only those Brahmin girls who wish to marry only NB guys would make such false allegations to justify themselves.



.

This advice is what most essentially needed for todays Brahmin Girls!!

Aiyoo!

After reading what you wrote I have come to the conclusion that you really need an outlet.

 

[renuka]

कार्येषु मन्त्री करणेषु दासी भोज्येषु माता शयनेषु वेश्या ।
धर्मानुकूला क्षमया धरित्री भार्या च षाड्गुण्यवतीह दुर्लभा ॥

kāryeṣu mantrī karaṇeṣu dāsī bhojyeṣu mātā śayaneṣu veśyā |
dharmānukūlā kṣamayā dharitrī bhāryā ca ṣāḍguṇyavatīha durlabhā ||

(She should be like a wise minister [to the king, that is], like a maid-servant or dāsī [in executing the husband's orders/commands], like the husband's mother when it comes to serving him meals, like a very adept prostitute in the bed, [she should be] always on the side of dharma, should possess patience like mother earth, and such a wife possessing all these six gunas is really scarce.)

Dear Sangom ji,


I can't stop laughing reading this stanza cos sometime back last year some Religious Non Hindu female doctor got into a lot of trouble cos she was preaching that a wife should be like a very adept sex worker in bed.

So that time everyone was lashing out at her and as usual many Indians here were saying that Hindus don't think this way and were saying that the Non Hindu doctor was degrading women.

Now I am starting the believe the saying that "There is no knowledge that is not Indian".

BTW I have a doubt here...how will a man be able to judge the skills of his wife as in comparison with a sex worker if he had not been frequenting some haunts??LOL

BTW as usual all sayings are always gender biased...so lets have a male version to describe a husband.


He should be like a King in riches ,like a slave or dāsa [in executing the wife's orders/commands], like the 5 star hotel chef when it comes to serving her meals, like a very adept gigolo in the bed, [he should be] always on the side of dharma, should possess patience like Adishesha who holds the earth and a husband better be possessing all these six gunas otherwise he gets no bride!