Brahmin girls falling trap of love jihadi's and converted to islam.

[H.Krishnamurthy]

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Mr. Manoj,
I could understand your feeling.
It is really sad .
But if you analyse the reason , the problem lies with us.
I have heard in so many Brahmin families that Male child are preffered over Female one for the reason that a male child is for vamsa vridhi and female is going to some other Family and Gothram.
First of all we have to educate the parents of such idiotic thinking that both sex are equal.
As our friend pointed out that to search for a political solution which am sure will lead to more complication.
Educate Female kid in par with male kid, give them all the priority which is given to a male kid.
Take female child into confidence for taking any Major decision.
Avoid using abuse language on Female kids like '

வயசு பொண்ணு வீட்டுல வெச்சுண்டு வயத்துல நெருப்பு கட்டிண்டு இருக்கேன் .
பொட்டச்சி தானே படிச்சு கிழிச்சது போரும் போய் அம்மா கிட்டே வீட்டு வேலை கத்துக்கோ.
இன்னொத்தனோட போய் குடும்பம் நடத்தி குப்பை கொட்ட போறதுக்கு எதுக்கு இவ்வளவு ஒசத்தி படிப்பு. ஏதோ தையல் கம்ப்யூட்டர் நு பார்ட் டைம் கத்துக்கோ போரும் .
Educate parents to avoid such language on Female kids. The things will improve .

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

So even if we seem to be the masters of our own destiny...

we are really not so!

It is the higher power which guides us to do things they

way we do them!

So now the unanimous prayer should become

"Let good sense dawn in every mind!

or to quote the popular prayer

Sab ko sanmathi de Bhagavan!! ray:

You are right..thats why Lord Krishna said "Karmanyevaadhikaraste Maa Phaleshu Kadacana".

Thats why I believe I will just do my duty as a wife and mother and what ever will be will be.Its not in my hands to know the destiny of even myself or my son.

 

[H.Krishnamurthy]

சாரி Mr மனோஜ் ,
என்னோட போன மெயில் ஒரு வெறுப்புல எழுதினது.
அதுக்கு இந்த உதாரணம் படிச்சா புரியும் ன்னு நம்பறேன்
ஒரு பொண்ணு கொழந்தை 5 லேருந்து 6 வயசு ன்னு வெச்சுக்கலாம்.
அதுக்கு ஒரு தங்கை பாப்பா பொரக்ருது ன்னு வெச்சுப்போம்.
பாக்க வந்த கெழம் கட்டைகள் என்ன சொல்லும் .
ஐயோ இதுவும் பொண்ணா எப்படி கரை சேக்க போறோனோ .
அப்ப அந்த பெரிய பொண்ணு மனசுல மொத அடி.
அதுலேருந்து ஒவ்வொரு stagelayum ஒரு ஒரு அடி.
வேற ஜாதி பையனே பரவா இல்லே ரிஸ்க் எடுக்கலாம் ன்னு அந்த பொண்ணு மனசுல காயம்
இதே எல்லாம் ஒழிக்ர வரை இதுக்கு முடிவே இல்லே.

 

[kunjuppu]

Dear Mr. Saiyeen,

I usually keep my eyes and ears wide open and mouth shut tight!.

So I have learned more about the working of human minds, than those who speak more and listen less.

My own son has married a Malaysian girl. She is a pure vegan and worships Budhdha.

Yet I have watched the number of adjustments he has to make and the level of tolerance expected of him.

Since it is his own choice, he does not complain! Yet as a mother I realize the amount of sacrifices and adjustments involved in keeping such a marriage successful and happy.

So what will the number and nature of adjustments involved in a wedding between a vegetarian & non vegetarian or
people who believe in different religions and Gods?

I have heard this incident related by one of my illustrious friends. Her brother who is a staunch Iyengar married an American lady.

They are happy. But still he yearns for the tasty "puliyodhara" prepared by his mother, when he was young and wonders whether he had chosen the right bride!

with best wishes and regards,
Mrs. V. R.

a very well written note, i should say, with a frank honesty that i appreciate and beyond my expectation !!

congrats.

any marriage is adjustment, and i have to say, that mrs K and yours truly, come from as close a background as one can - palghat ancestry, culture, food, values and above all a liberal attitude in many respects re jadhagam, dowry, et al.

still, we have had our ups and downs, and this with many many things, that we never even have to say or explain. because it was understood, because our home values were the same. when we set up our home, most things we never even had to discuss, because we grew up with the same values.

i still remember the first phone call mrs K made after our marriage - the first words to her mom were, that the keerai molagoottal in my home tasted the same as theirs. 'இந்தாத்தே சமையல் நம்மாத்து மாதிரி தான் அம்மா' were her words, gleefully spoken.

if it is across religions, and if one of them is of fervent faith, then there is also an issue. more issue if you live in india. personally, if there is marriage across religions, i would not live in india. too many governmental and social constrictions. still folks have done it, and have been apparently successful, from the looks of it. kudos to those folks.

i feel, that now a days, across language and caste lines. socio economic parity, is more a factor, than food or customs, as people are not that ritual enough to exclude newcomers, there is a blend of traditions, and above all, with an urban lifestyle mixed with career, food habits tend to be adventurous and eclectic. except the occassional craving for mom's puliotharai

i have only thing to say about the iyengar guy - to sum up his marriage to the white girl, if after all the years of marriage, all that he misses at home is 'his mother's puliyodharai', i would consider it a great marriage.

no one can cook puliodharai like mom did. that is why she is MOM.

personally, i buy MTR mix and make the puliyodharai in my home, as mrs K hates puliodharai tastes yum too. my mother came from north malabar, and more familiar with lemon rice than puliyotharai!!

best wishes V.R. and progeny

 

[kunjuppu]

சாரி Mr மனோஜ் ,
என்னோட போன மெயில் ஒரு வெறுப்புல எழுதினது.
அதுக்கு இந்த உதாரணம் படிச்சா புரியும் ன்னு நம்பறேன்
ஒரு பொண்ணு கொழந்தை 5 லேருந்து 6 வயசு ன்னு வெச்சுக்கலாம்.
அதுக்கு ஒரு தங்கை பாப்பா பொரக்ருது ன்னு வெச்சுப்போம்.
பாக்க வந்த கெழம் கட்டைகள் என்ன சொல்லும் .
ஐயோ இதுவும் பொண்ணா எப்படி கரை சேக்க போறோனோ .
அப்ப அந்த பெரிய பொண்ணு மனசுல மொத அடி.
அதுலேருந்து ஒவ்வொரு stagelayum ஒரு ஒரு அடி.
வேற ஜாதி பையனே பரவா இல்லே ரிஸ்க் எடுக்கலாம் ன்னு அந்த பொண்ணு மனசுல காயம்
இதே எல்லாம் ஒழிக்ர வரை இதுக்கு முடிவே இல்லே.

i think those days are gone HK. long gone.

i have many many cousins proud parents of 2 daughters, and no complaints or sweat.

today's girls are as equal if not better than their male counterparts. one never loses a daughter, but the son, after marriage, is mostly indifferent to the parents, and trusts his wife to mend the relation and keep it together, in many cases.

with the at par earning potential of the girls, the girls and their parents, are being more careful re selecting grooms for their daughters. i remember one close relative, pleasantly surprised at the inundation of responses to a website advertisement.

very picky and choosy she was. no only sons. no job in the same place as the inlaws. and so on it went. the girl is happily married in the usa now, and so is her sister. no sweat finding husbands. the tables have turned in favour of the female.

in this case, the grils' father was wealthy enough and proud to show off his wealth. but in another instance, the wealthy boy's family, so delighted in getting a girl of their choice (it was a love marriage, and the boy's parents came 'asking' for the girl) they split the expense 50/50.

HK girls are worth their weight in gold these days. and look at the price of gold today

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

Dear Mr. Kunjuppu!

I wonder what made you doubt my "frank honesty"-even after knowing me for almost a year!

I am sure you have read my posts "The Citizens of the world" running to 7 posts, in my thread Life is Like that.

I could have just kept quiet if i wanted to hide it.

In any case thank you for your good wishes to me and my progeny! Can I extend your good wishes and blessings to their progeny also with your permission?

with warm regards, ray2:
Visa(lkshi)

a very well written note, i should say, with a frank honesty that i appreciate and beyond my expectation !!

congrats.

any marriage is adjustment, and i have to say, that mrs K and yours truly, come from as close a background as one can - palghat ancestry, culture, food, values and above all a liberal attitude in many respects re jadhagam, dowry, et al.

still, we have had our ups and downs, and this with many many things, that we never even have to say or explain. because it was understood, because our home values were the same. when we set up our home, most things we never even had to discuss, because we grew up with the same values.

i still remember the first phone call mrs K made after our marriage - the first words to her mom were, that the keerai molagoottal in my home tasted the same as theirs. 'இந்தாத்தே சமையல் நம்மாத்து மாதிரி தான் அம்மா' were her words, gleefully spoken.

if it is across religions, and if one of them is of fervent faith, then there is also an issue. more issue if you live in india. personally, if there is marriage across religions, i would not live in india. too many governmental and social constrictions. still folks have done it, and have been apparently successful, from the looks of it. kudos to those folks.

i feel, that now a days, across language and caste lines. socio economic parity, is more a factor, than food or customs, as people are not that ritual enough to exclude newcomers, there is a blend of traditions, and above all, with an urban lifestyle mixed with career, food habits tend to be adventurous and eclectic. except the occassional craving for mom's puliotharai

i have only thing to say about the iyengar guy - to sum up his marriage to the white girl, if after all the years of marriage, all that he misses at home is 'his mother's puliyodharai', i would consider it a great marriage.

no one can cook puliodharai like mom did. that is why she is MOM.

personally, i buy MTR mix and make the puliyodharai in my home, as mrs K hates puliodharai tastes yum too. my mother came from north malabar, and more familiar with lemon rice than puliyotharai!!

best wishes V.R. and progeny

 

[kunjuppu]

Dear Mr. Kunjuppu!

I wonder what made you doubt my "frank honesty"-even after knowing me for almost a year!

I am sure you have read my posts "The Citizens of the world" running to 7 posts, in my thread Life is Like that.

I could have just kept quiet if i wanted to hide it.

In any case thank you for your good wishes to me and my progeny! Can I extend your good wishes and blessings to their progeny also with your permission?

with warm regards, ray2:
Visa(lkshi)

visa,

i simply do not read your threads. mostly out of lack of interest and time. nothing personal. maybe an odd exception or two, but that is a rarity.

perhaps, that explains my comments, which was, meant and please read, as complements brimming with appreciation.

hope this explains.

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

Dear Mr. Kunjuppu,

Now you can KNOCK me with a feather.

You were the first mentor whom I met in the Forum.

I thought you refrained from commenting on my

posts. But that you DO NOT read them is NEWS to

me. Well, I can only write my posts! I cannot make

people read them at knife point.

Hence forth I will assume that whosoever never

sends me feed back or like or dislike my post,

does not read my posts!

Thank you for the eye opener.

I never seem to stop learning!

Thanks for the appreciation and good wishes to my

family members,

with warm regards.
Visa(lakshi).

visa,

i simply do not read your threads. mostly out of lack of interest and time. nothing personal. maybe an odd exception or two, but that is a rarity.

perhaps, that explains my comments, which was, meant and please read, as complements brimming with appreciation.

hope this explains.

 

[kunjuppu]

visa,

as a rule, when i am in a thread, i cannot refrain from comments. it is my weakness

please do not read too deeply into my avoidance of your threads. it is just mostly lack of time. and also the topics subjects.

apologies if i rubbed you on the wrong side with this fact, but never never meant to.

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

Dear Mr. Kunjuppu,

I have a DUCK'S BACK and a LION'S HEART!.

So no harm done

I too do not read many threads due to lack of time

and also of interest. So I do understand you perfectly

well.

with warm regards,
Visa(lakshi).

visa,

as a rule, when i am in a thread, i cannot refrain from comments. it is my weakness

please do not read too deeply into my avoidance of your threads. it is just mostly lack of time. and also the topics subjects.

apologies if i rubbed you on the wrong side with this fact, but never never meant to.

 

[Iyyarooraan]

Hindus should not only be Hindus but appear to be so. Times change and everyone of us are changing with or without our knowledge. We do not pretend that we are exactly what our 'three-rishis' have been in appearance or in conducting ourselves. Attires have been changing according to the compulsion of the times. In these 'crowdy' days you cannot travel in local trains or mofussil buses wearing panchakachcham or mamapazhakattu saree. There is a sure fear that as you get down you may become a shot for 'youtube'. Before you reach your office the world will have seen you in your unenviable dress code. Of course, there are still people who still brave all these chances. But whatever you wear and wherever you work you must bear the stamp of Hindu/Indian. If you are capable of pretending otherwise in other situations it is okay. It is utterly nonsense and idiotic when you have to pretend that you are a non-Tamilian or non-Indian in Tamilian/Hindu/Indian family functions. It will only say that you are a characterless person. When you have practised certain basic duties as a TB with heart and soul, you are bound to betray that quality. Otherwise, you will only be pretending actor.:sorry:

 

[vvskoman]

the whole debate is interesting. the change must start from us only not from outside.
our mamas and mamis should be ready to take a good girl from a good family background (here i mean moral back ground)
instead of seeing and matching the bloody imaginery status. In mumbai when i visited a matrimonial (brahmins only) centre
for my friend i was amused to see that our mama mamis could match only us boys with us girls engg. boys with engg.girls
doctor boys with doctor girls. please clarify my doubt do we think a cross category marriage will not produce results!.
Bullshit. you keep on matching like this till ur daughter is 30+, there is 99% chance of she going with a mohammed mama or david chacha. ha, ha, ha

 

[tbs]

hi
the gulf money and poverty of palakkad brahmins are main reason behind......money and love makes the different....brahmin system

in kerala very rigid....love is blind....they attract innocent brahmin girls.....they got laddu....a brahmin girl....even some times

brahmin girls are also responsible......now a days money is the only criteria....பணம் பந்தியிலே ....குணம் குப்பையிலே .....

regards
tbs

 

[srinikarthik]

There is another reason for the girls marrying the muslim guys. There is a sex ratio mismatch in Kerela. I saw this once in a news channel that because of the sex ratio difference i.e. more girls per boy the Kerela girls are getting married to Harayana Boys where it is reverse. Please find an article attached on the context.

Bride-starved Haryana imports girls from other states

 

[kunjuppu]

srini, tbs,

i have asked many a young tambram unmarried guy or their mother, as to why they do not offer to marry for free, or foot the bill for the wedding. i am yet to meet one to take up this challenge, either in this forum, and there are single guys here, or outside.

no one wants dowry these days, but 'simple wedding' is a code word, that the bride family foot the bill. these are also the ones who moan here about our girls seeking marriage elsewhere. is there a bigger hypocracy than this.

the boy's parents have not changed their mindset with the times. their expectations are way beyond what many a girl's family can meet - all this with the girls working and earning money, which will automatically now be deposited to the husband's account.

these boy's mothers - initially there is arrogance, then complaints, then despair and finally anger. if you peruse the various threads over time in this forum, you will see all the phases.

the fault is within the community. not outside. if the outsiders take advantage of it, that is reality. no use shedding crocodile tears.

that is my take on this thread.

 

[kameshratnam]

The blame is full on the girls side and especially the girl's mother. The mothers of these girls are over ambitious. The current marriage stats for a wanted bridegroom Vadama is
TCS/INFOSYS/CTS/ IIM/IIT Salary 10 lakhs pa / own house/own car

Are u asking for a business partner of life partner

 

[tbs]

The blame is full on the girls side and especially the girl's mother. The mothers of these girls are over ambitious. The current marriage stats for a wanted bridegroom Vadama is
TCS/INFOSYS/CTS/ IIM/IIT Salary 10 lakhs pa / own house/own car

Are u asking for a business partner of life partner

hi kamesh,
the girl's mother is greedy than any other now a days........they want money partner than a life partner....marriage is deal now a days.

ultimately the girl has to suffer...so the divorce rate is going up in many IT couples......

regards
tbs

 

[kameshratnam]

TBS ji,
You are right. I myself have been a victim. No wonder divorce rates are up these days

 

[sarang]

4 Case studies/marriages, all tambrams, which are refreshingly different.
All the parents are professionally qualified, doing well in life, are or close to retirement. All willing to follow all rituals, with all paraphernalia.
All the boys and girls are also well qualified (post graduates) and handsomely employed; all have a healthy respect for traditions
Two iyengar boys have married iyer girls known to them with the full approval of both sides. As suggested by the vathiars and fully endorsed by the parents, iyer tradition was followed for the girl till main event, and iyengar tradition after that.
The third, an iyengar-iyengar combination was also a love marriage approved by the parents; only the fourth, the girl's was an arranged marriage through the proper route - horoscope exchange, pen parthal (with kesari) in the presence of elders, a one hour familiarization lunch of the boy and girl in a hotel, before they said 'yes'.
There was no explicit demand or talk about dowry in cash or kind in all the cases. Even the wedding expenses were shared by both parents - not exactly 50-50 but by event. Mandapam was paid by one family, reception/food expenses by the other. Everything went well and there was no hint of the 'traditional sambandi sandai'.
Iyengar-iyer couples work abroad; the iyengar-iyengar couples have sttled in india. All the four weddings happened in the last 18 months.

 

[sarang]

Muslim men luring white, hindu and sikh girls in the UK is also seen as a serious problem by the UK government! But our government looks the other way.

Quote:
Jan 10, 2011
AMRITSAR: A day after UKs' former home secretary Jack Straw blamed some Pakistani muslim men for targeting "vulnerable" white girls sexually, UK's Hindu and Sikh organizations also publicly accused Muslim groups of the same offence.

Straw, in an interview to the BBC recently, had said, "...there is a specific problem which involves Pakistani heritage men...who target vulnerable young white girls...they see these young women, white girls who are vulnerable, some of them in care ... who they think are easy meat."

Feeling emboldened by Straw's statement, UK's Hindu and Sikh organizations have also come in open and accused some pakistani men of specifically targeting Hindu and Sikh girls. "This has been a serious concern for the last decade," said Hardeep Singh of Network of Sikh Organizations (NSO) while talking to TOI on Monday.

Sikhs and Hindus are annoyed that Straw had shown concern for White girls and not the Hindu and the Sikh teenage girls who have been coaxed by some Pakistani men for sex and religious conversion.

'Not just White girls, Pak Muslim men sexually target Hindu and Sikh girls as well - The Times of India

 

[kameshratnam]

Brahmin guys are the worst affected till date. I know many of them are well qualified and yes there are cases where mothers demand Silk and diamond but again in 80 % of the cases the girls mother is at fault.
I know a girl who completed law from NLS earning 5 lakhs a month, now what will they do?

 

[vikrama]

The subject of IC, IR marriages has been discussed in this forum several times earlier in this forum under different threads. Still it keeps cropping up and the solution is eluding us because

1 It is impossible to define a Brahmin. It is a loose organisation with its members ranging from one extreme to the other.

2 There is no Pope to issue fatwas and if there is one we are the last people to abide by an authority in social matters.

3 At the personal level we have adopted many changes but we want our community to remain in 19th century.

4 Individually every Brahmin is bold, creative and sensitive. But as a community we are the weakest, foolish and insensitive.

In spite of the above there is a feeling of 'we' running through all of us. What brings us under one roof?

It is the rituals. We have peculiar rituals of our own like Upanyanam, Sumangali Prarthanai etc. and even in the case of common rituals like marriage, obsequies we perform them differently. This we consider as our culture and we fear the end of our culture through IC, IR marriages.

What could be done?

Make the half-Brahmins into full Brahmins, that is, if your son or daughter marries a NB, accept the newcomer as a Brahmin. NB girls are more easily absorbed into our culture as they have no vedic rituals. It is the NB son in law that causes some uneasiness. Such SILs, if they are willing, can be asked to undergo a simple purification ceremony and be adorned with a poonool. Most of them would be rady, I suppose. Arya Samaj is conducting such conversions. This is not something revolutionary as to raise eyebrows. History is replete with mass conversions into Brahmin fold.

But who will bell the cat or throw the first stone?

No one can. No one need. The change is already taking place. I give three examples from my extended families.

The first two are almost identical. The girls married NB boys without the consent of their parents. After some time there was a truce. The Valaikappu was celebrated with relatives of both sides present. Seemantham was given up. This made the other side remark, "Future functions may be celebrated as per Brahmin customs." When the child was born, the SIL was in Brahmin costume with pancha kaccham, uttariyam, poonool etc. A Vadhyar came and performed the Punyahavacanam and the SIL repeated the mantras sincerely. Now both the SIL and the FIL are wearing poonool. Neither of them perform Sandhayavandanam. Neither of them knows anything about Veda.

In the third case, the boy fell in love with a dalit girl. Parents on both sides tried to dissuade, but in vain. The boy's father celebrated the marriage in Brahminic way. The girl's father came in panchakaccham, poonool etc. and made kanyadanam seating his daughter on his lap. The relatives of the girl were happy that they have got recognition. Boy's relatives had to bear it with a grin. But time will normalize everything. Now the girl is a pucca Brahmin DIL.

 

[renuka]

Why cant we just be Hindus without anyone needing to get accepted into any Varna?
After all.. all of us are in the Sanathana Dharma fold.
So are we maintaining culture or are we maintaining religion?
Which is more important? Religion or Individualized Varna Culture?
If we have pure Hindu culture guidelines there is no more compare and contrast.
So anyone for a Standardized Hindu way of life?

 

[sarang]

No. Hinduism/ sanatana dharma has a better chance of survival only if all varna-jati-kula divisions are accepted, respected and no one steps on the toes of others.
Of course those who do not want to be in the jati system are free to leave; who is holding them back?
There is no standardized Hindu way of life. Each group sets its own standards. No religious personality or leaders like gandhi, vivekananda have objected to the system of varna-jati. Caste discrimination is a different kettle of 'fish' and it definitely stinks.
Our politicians and secularists, talk of casteless society, but zealously promote caste distinction and hierarchy. Are they not hypocrites?

 

[renuka]

No. Hinduism/ sanatana dharma has a better chance of survival only if all varna-jati-kula divisions are accepted, respected and no one steps on the toes of others.
Of course those who do not want to be in the jati system are free to leave; who is holding them back?
There is no standardized Hindu way of life. Each group sets its own standards. No religious personality or leaders like gandhi, vivekananda have objected to the system of varna-jati. Caste discrimination is a different kettle of 'fish' and it definitely stinks.
Our politicians and secularists, talk of casteless society, but zealously promote caste distinction and hierarchy. Are they not hypocrites?

Dont get me wrong.I am not hinting about caste abolishment.I dont object to Varna Sytem even though I dont practise it.

I am just asking for Hindu Culture that all.Some standard guidelines.
Like a standard form of preforming marriages for example.
In Vedic times the Mangalsutra was not even there.