Brahmin Girls Marrying (Attracted towards) NB Boys

[Raghy]

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Sri.Vasudevan Sir,

Greetings. I wish yourself and your son a great success in finding a very suitable bride at the earliest.

We have registered in Bharat matrimony.For the past 6 months we have beeb searching for a suitable girl ,we have not been able to find any.

One more option through friends and relatives is to seek a bride from a 'not so well to do family'. I have noticed many parents seek compatability by the way of status and education from the parents too. As the 'Swayamvaram' functions seem to show a demand for brides, it is not too surprising to see many suitors approach a girl; it may not be possible to reply immediately. In my opinion, 6 months is not a very long period. I would be slightly concerned if it takes over 18 months.

.....the brides are affected by what is called the IEIC syndrome.That is I Earn I Choose .

Sir, a girl does not have to earn. She should have an option to choose. When one seeks a groom, one would love the daughter to choose. I see that as a very normal procedure.

Most of the parents who may have lived a normal middle class life in their early years do not want to lose the affluent lifestyle they now afford due to the phenomenal earnings of their daughter(s) and so they also do not want their girls to get married .

Sir, kindly allow mw to disagree with this statement, please. From my personal experience, I have a son who does not seriously seek a bride. From the same Bharat Matrimony site, I had so many interested parents/ relatives ring me on behalf the bride. I really feel for them. Yes, it is my son's lack of seriousness. I hid his picture to reduce attractions. I took few other stern actions too. But at the end of the day, I can't force him to marry someone, can I? Sir, you may have noticed, I spoke from the shoes of groom's parent.

Sir, I went through so many photos in Bharat Matrimony. There are plenty to choose from. Then there are details without pictures. we may ask for the picture; move on if we don't get to see the picture. Sir, it is really hard to find a suitable bride. From my experience, I seek bride from any caste, any community. The girl has to like my son; he has to like her. You may like to take such a stand too. It is just a suggestion. I think, most girls take notice of such a guy, even from the same community.

I request all parents and prospective bnrides to kindly ponder over these points

I think I look at everything a bit differently. I think the points raised by you should be pondered by all the parents and prospective grooms. They may have to come forward to offer something more to 'catch a suitable bride'.

Cheers!

 

[kunjuppu]

I agree with you. I have seen in my own life two cases of brahmin guys who have grown out of poverty. However they did not have any question of gratitude. Rather they started arguing that they got the assistance on the basis of merit.

However the divine law showed them the place but it was too late for them. UNGRATEFUL attitude is one of the great sin which are never forgiven by the divinity leave alone humans.

i hate to generalize as all generalization, including this one, is flawed.

a while ago, this forum, supported a female student. after receiving the money, nothing was heard, inspite of appeals by the donor, the admin and potential new donors. it is sort of sad, that this is a reflection on the community.

 

[Krishvasu]

Dear Raghu swamy,Thanks for the feedback.shall follow them ,Adiyen vasudevan

Sri.Vasudevan Sir,

Greetings. I wish yourself and your son a great success in finding a very suitable bride at the earliest.

One more option through friends and relatives is to seek a bride from a 'not so well to do family'. I have noticed many parents seek compatability by the way of status and education from the parents too. As the 'Swayamvaram' functions seem to show a demand for brides, it is not too surprising to see many suitors approach a girl; it may not be possible to reply immediately. In my opinion, 6 months is not a very long period. I would be slightly concerned if it takes over 18 months.

Sir, a girl does not have to earn. She should have an option to choose. When one seeks a groom, one would love the daughter to choose. I see that as a very normal procedure.

Sir, kindly allow mw to disagree with this statement, please. From my personal experience, I have a son who does not seriously seek a bride. From the same Bharat Matrimony site, I had so many interested parents/ relatives ring me on behalf the bride. I really feel for them. Yes, it is my son's lack of seriousness. I hid his picture to reduce attractions. I took few other stern actions too. But at the end of the day, I can't force him to marry someone, can I? Sir, you may have noticed, I spoke from the shoes of groom's parent.

Sir, I went through so many photos in Bharat Matrimony. There are plenty to choose from. Then there are details without pictures. we may ask for the picture; move on if we don't get to see the picture. Sir, it is really hard to find a suitable bride. From my experience, I seek bride from any caste, any community. The girl has to like my son; he has to like her. You may like to take such a stand too. It is just a suggestion. I think, most girls take notice of such a guy, even from the same community.

I think I look at everything a bit differently. I think the points raised by you should be pondered by all the parents and prospective grooms. They may have to come forward to offer something more to 'catch a suitable bride'.

Cheers!

 

[sangom]

Dear Sir, I second your opinion .

I am a thenkalai Iyengar from srirangam looking for a bride for my younger brother ,working in Abu Dhabi as a Research scientist.He is a non smoker and Teetotaller .We hail from a traditional ,respectable family.

We have registered in Bharat matrimony.For the past 6 months we have beeb searching for a suitable girl ,we have not been able to find any.Most of the brides or their parents do not even have the basic etiquette to either mail us or phone us and tell "sorry our interests don't match,pl.excuse us .Then what is the use of their American / English education ? if they cant use it for a meaningful communication .The main reason for this is the brides are affected by what is called the IEIC syndrome.That is I Earn I Choose .Most of the parents who may have lived a normal middle class life in their early years do not want to lose the affluent lifestyle they now afford due to the phenomenal earnings of their daughter(s) and so they also do not want their girls to get married .

This is a bitter pill to swallow no doubt.But it is the truth.

The US based brides are more American than Born Americans and think us Indians as "Bloody Indians".They put up their CVs on many matrimony sites just for fun due to peer pressure or parents compulsion.They do not even have the courtesy (Especially those based in the US,who value their time and efforts when dealing with people of any nationality in the US but do not reciprocate the same ideals when dealing with fellow countrymen i.e.those who live outside India) to decline an offer and keep the grooms in animated suspension.

Due to the IEIC syndrome the would be brides keep on postponing their marriage till 30 .By the time the Girl becomes the Boys who are going to marry these girls would be 35.Even after marrying these couples do not want to beget children at least for 2 to 3 years in order to enjoy life .Though it is difficult to believe but most likely to happen ,25 years from now this would lead to a situation wherein brahmin women and men (They would no longer be girls and boys due to the delayed marriageable age)
will only be performing shashtyabdhapoorthi as their first marriage instead of first getting married,then celebrating silver jubilee and then performing shashtyabdhapoorthi in that order as is the practice in the(G)olden days.

Another Irony is that many girls do not even post their fotos on the matrimony sites which can only be accessed by members , whose activities can be tracked easily by the administrator of the matrimonial sites for fear of being morphed for tarnishing their image.This is unjustified fear as only registered members can access these matrimony sites and can easily get caught if they do anything wrong.These very same girls post their fotos in all sorts of bare and dare costumes on social networking sites such as facebook and orkut which anyone can ogle at by googling .Also in the guise of becoming a friend they can do all sorts of nonsense with their contact details publicised on facebook/orkut etc.,

I request all parents and prospective bnrides to kindly ponder over these points


Thanks

Vasudevan

Dear Shri Vasudevan,

In view of the acute shortage of girls in the marriageable age group, there is, now, a reversal of the problems or experiences and what a girl's parents had to go through till one or two decades ago, is now being experienced by the parents of boys. Even so, as our veteran member Kunjuppu mentioned, normally well-employed boys do get married and only real சோப்ளாங்கி boys find it rather difficult. Since your brother is well-placed in the gulf it should be possible to get a bride, provided you are open to any TB bride without restricting your choice to your particular sub-group/sub-caste etc.

While on this topic, I came to know reliably that some girls register their names "just for fun" to see who among them gets maximum response. Perhaps it is in such cases that the girls don't give their photographs. Then, the matrimonial websites do not remove the cases of girls whose marriage is fixed/over, and even if they advise about it to the matrimonial website. This is to keep the number of girls high. One of my friends has come to know from the girl's side that they had indeed advised the website. There are also cases of girls' parties who just don't bother to advise the website at all. Lastly, even if photographs are given they will mostly be photo-shopped; even photo studios nowadays ask whether we want the copies untouched or "touched-up".

 

[R. Ramanujan]

ok sir.

 

[Raghy]

Sri.Vasudevan Sir,

Greetings. A correction in my last message; instead of mentioning 'your brother', i mentioned 'your son'. Kindly bear with me. I am not supposed to provide links for other matrimony sites here; However, I assume you have exhausted contacts in this forum. You may google 'parivarthan' and take it from there. They have a huge data base with addresses.

Cheers!

 

[hoover]

regarding the issue

it is not far future that we will have to choose ways of Jews, if this secondary citizen like behaviour continues with us. any way I want to mention here that besides the given statistics some other things are also responsible those are 1. the acceptance shown by our community and esp. by the concerned families to these couple this acceptance encourages others to commit the same thing . remember ACCEPTANCE IS ENCOURAGEMENTin these matters. within framework of constitution the concerned families atleast should end all kinds of contacts with such girls and couples forever. it is sufficiant as deterant.
2. some of us mentioned repeatedly about the wrong practices within our community. I must mention here that this cannot be an excuse for intercast or inter religious marriages of girls. There exist much more cruel and vicious practices including physical violance in other communities with whom these girls marry. we are much more human and righteous.
3. one practical solution to this problem is to inter marriages among various Brahmin communities in India. It is better to marry a kashmiri pandit or a UP brahmin than marrying intercaste or interreligion. set of values, faith, rituals, view of life is nearabout same of all brahmin. and if anyway the young generation is breaking the code of brahmin values like vegetarianism then stiking to sub caste is wrong. such inter brahmin marriages provide much larger pool of brides and grooms. It will also satisfy the curiosity and quest of fancy of boys and girls esp girls about their partner. and it may increase the servival instinct, which esp. southern brahmin communities lack, and norther brahmins have in abundance. they have much fighting spirit.
4. as mentioned in my previous post and statistics it is a plan to make us secondary citizens. the numbers in table may differ slightly according to system in various states but in general it is true. for instance open catagory candidate has only four attempt allowed in UPSC exam and others have 7 to no limit. many crack this exam in their seventh attemt aqiring the seat for open catagory. If one studies it throughly he will understand truth in my post. as said in other posts engineering from an avrage college doesnt provide any satisfactory job. It is equal to high class labour. meaningful jobs are got by only graduating through reputed colleges which are few. for medical seats are limited and nearabout everywhere the reservation policy exist and so my statistics. only rich can afford to study in foeign countries and paid seats. it is not applicable to whole community.
5. there are steps in this plan . one. lands were snatched from us by way of violance intimidation and harrassment, second govt. services and education institutions are closed for us by way of reservations. and last our women are being snatched from us by way of these intercast marriages which will reduce our number considerablya and it will push us towards extinction.

 

[R. Ramanujan]

I agree with some points.

 

[Raghy]

Sri.Hoover said with respect to Brahmin girls marrying/getting attracted to NB boys and in general about the state of caste Brahmin community in India/ Tamil Nadu -

1. the acceptance shown by our community and esp. by the concerned families to these couple this acceptance encourages others to commit the same thing . remember ACCEPTANCE IS ENCOURAGEMENTin these matters. within framework of constitution the concerned families atleast should end all kinds of contacts with such girls and couples forever. it is sufficiant as deterant.

Sri.hoover, Greetings. This is not practical. Blood is thicker than water. After the initial anger, most parents calm down and accomadate the relationship. It is quite normal too. I do not know about others; if my children like to choose their partners amoung NBs, I wouldn't have a problem. Sri. Hoover, exclusivity is not the answer; inclusion is more smoother than silk in this situation.

2. some of us mentioned repeatedly about the wrong practices within our community. I must mention here that this cannot be an excuse for intercast or inter religious [COLOR=#DA7911 ! important][COLOR=#DA7911 ! important]marriages[/COLOR][/COLOR] of girls. There exist much more cruel and vicious practices including physical violance in other communities with whom these girls marry. we are much more human and righteous.

Are you referring 'Tamil Brahmins/caste Brahmins on the whole' as more human and righteous? If the answer is 'yes', then we (why not, I shall join the crowd too!) are neither humane nor righteous. Sir, we don't have any such qualities. We have done some good deeds to counter social injustices, where we could have done much more. Sorry sir, I can't quite agree to this point, please.

3. one practical solution to this problem is to inter marriages among various Brahmin communities in India. It is better to marry a kashmiri pandit or a UP brahmin than marrying intercaste or interreligion. set of values, faith, rituals, view of life is nearabout same of all brahmin. and if anyway the young generation is breaking the code of brahmin values like vegetarianism then stiking to sub caste is wrong. such inter brahmin marriages provide much larger pool of [COLOR=#DA7911 ! important][COLOR=#DA7911 ! important]brides[/COLOR][/COLOR]
and grooms. It will also satisfy the curiosity and quest of fancy of boys and girls esp girls about their partner. and it may increase the servival instinct, which esp. southern brahmin communities lack, and norther brahmins have in abundance. they have much fighting spirit.

If the south Indian caste Brahmins lack fighting spirit, why would a north India even consider marrying a south Indian? The fountation itself for this point is shaky. I have a different solution for the same situation. My solution would be based on inclusive principles.

4. as mentioned in my previous post and statistics it is a plan to make us secondary citizens.

Sir, any community that lacks proper representation would end up as 'second class citizens'. We saw Harijans got the 'second class citizen' treatment for a very very long time due to the lack of representation. Sri.B.R.Ambedkhar brought some representation for them.We need representation. கலகத்தில் பிறப்பதுதான் நீதி.

5. there are steps in this plan . one. lands were snatched from us by way of violance intimidation and harrassment, second govt. services and education institutions are closed for us by way of reservations. and last our women are being snatched from us by way of these intercast marriages which will reduce our number considerablya and it will push us towards extinction.

Sir, you are looking at half empty glass. We should learn to look at half full glass. Recently I visited my niece and her NB husband. (married for the last 4 years). I found him to be well behaved, his mother treated her DIL like a treasure. Inclusion Sir, my niece included him and his clan to voice their support! ( I did not address about the land. I don't know if any of the land was forcefully taken away).

Maybe I got டப்சா (lopsided) eyes. I seem to look at things very differently. I am more than happy to talk all the above points in detail, if necessary.

Cheers!

 

[hoover]

shri raghy sir,
may be it is exclusively your case. you should speak with the same intensity about miserable conditions of brahmin and injustice.
SELF CRITICISM IS HABIT OF BRAHMIN which is weakening us further. You speak like all odds with community are being done by brahmin. no. a community immersed upto its neak in philosophical speculation cannot do that and when it is just 1 to 5 percent then it is impossible. What so called worrier communities achieved is the bruttaly exploited dalits and when time came to pay for it easily shifted the guilt to brahmin. brahmin werent tyrants. and except our exclusion there is no atrocity on our account. we followed exclusivity and it is our right as far as we follow it in our personal sphere. philosophical minded brahmin unwittingly accepted the whole guilt. why after 60 or 70 years we are harping the same tune. you will have to accept that we are deprived of opportunity and it is affecting us socially also i.e. intercaste marriages of our girls. i must clear here two points also. there was forign rule in this country for nearabout 1000 years before independance then how we are responsible for happenings here. no one was enclined towards knowledge when knowledge was for sake of knowledge. when knoledge became qualification all turned towards knowledge. no one was enclined towards govt. services when there was strict rules and compulsion, one has to go to remote place for living. once transportaion increased and govt. services became just timepass all turned towards it. there was always opportunity for others to learn languages like Urdu and English which werent languaes of brahmin why no one learned that for progress. always living under guilt for sin not committed. i suggest that everyone should go through History of mr. B. R. Ambedkar. many maharashtrian brahmin helped him even in his childhood. this kind of guilt ridden rhetoric must be stopped now atleast nearabout 100 years of anti brahminism and 80 yrs of of caste based reservatin. about north indian community: they faced much more brutal times so devloped fighting spirit, not mingled in just intellectual rhetoric and they mentained their numbers. I am not looking at the half empty glass but towards a near future when the whole glass will be empty. and if nb s are so good why they want just girls of brahmin they should marry with other caste also in same percentage of population it is not happening. all tend to target brahmin. and like brahmin girls do tell other caste to marry their girls in lower caste than theirs and to other religion. only then,maybe the caste barriers will be down before some years of next pralaya. BRAHMIN SPEK LIKE WE ARE TAKEN COTRACT OF ALL SOCIAL REFORM. If this continues caste will not end because it is a kind of BIODIVERSITY, only brahmins will end to exist.

 

[wrongan]

2. some of us mentioned repeatedly about the wrong practices within our community. I must mention here that this cannot be an excuse for intercast or inter religious marriages of girls. There exist much more cruel and vicious practices including physical violance in other communities with whom these girls marry. we are much more human and righteous.

 

[wrongan]

2. some of us mentioned repeatedly about the wrong practices within our community. I must mention here that this cannot be an excuse for intercast or inter religious marriages of girls. There exist much more cruel and vicious practices including physical violance in other communities with whom these girls marry. we are much more human and righteous.

The dharmasastras say even it is your sister or mother Don" t stay alone in a room.But alas the working environment specifically the IT job involves the violation. this is the main cause for girls marrying boys without cosideration of caste or religion. The only criteria is they are of differnt gender. Rearing your beloved one with good habits and with charecters only will protect the girls resorting to undesired way.

 

[Iyer]

Is it OK if a brahmin boy marries a non-brahmin girl?

There are as many cases of brahmin boys marrying non-brahmin girls as there are the converse.

I think inter-caste marriage is doing more good than bad. It eliminates caste differences and moves the society towards a casteless one. Caste is an agent impeding the progress of our nation.

 

[kunjuppu]

2. some of us mentioned repeatedly about the wrong practices within our community. I must mention here that this cannot be an excuse for intercast or inter religious marriages of girls. There exist much more cruel and vicious practices including physical violance in other communities with whom these girls marry. we are much more human and righteous.

wrongan,

where did you get the impression that 'we are much more human and righteous'. not if you ask the half a dozen girls of my family, who have had to put up with abuse. i suspect that there is such instances in many families (barring yours ofcourse, as you never seem to have heard about it).

spouse abuse knows no caste or creed my dear. Tamil Brahmins are indeed as cruel as they come. or as sweet as they come too. all shapes and sizes and flavours... just like any other community. we are no special. acknowledging this, is the first step to accept a more balanced view of communities and groups.

thank you.

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

Dear Sir,
Proximity develops affinity! A law in Physics governs the attraction between two bodies (not human bodies just any two bodies)!
The closer they are, the stronger the attraction! These days women study as well as the men do, take up all kinds of jobs men do and earn as much as men do!
They have a lot of exposure, develop courage and individuality and soon become independent. Being a master of her own finance makes the girl bold enough to challenge her parents and defy the normally accepted concepts and practices.
Love and infatuation covers her eyes and according to her "All is right in war and love"!
Every other inter caste marriage taking place today, involves either a brahmin boy or a girl! By marrying a brahmin boy the non brahmin girl also can be said to have become a brahmin and so also the children she will bear to the man.
Conversely the brahmin girl who marrys a non brahmin will acquire his caste and so too her children.
Love makes these people short sighted and later on also short tempered. For any inter caste marriage to succeed both the spouses will have to make a lot of adjustments and sacrifices. Unless they both are ready to do so, their relationship is bound to crumble and marriage will eventually end in a divorce.
with best wishes,
Visalakshi Ramani.

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

நரியும் நாரியும்.

காகமும், நரியும் என்ற குட்டிக் கதையை
குழந்தைகளும் கூட நன்கு அறிவார்கள்.
கதையின் போக்குச் சற்றே மாறிவிட்டதால்,
கதையின் தலைப்பும் சற்று மாறிவிட்டது.

நரன் என்பது ஒரு மனிதனைக் குறிக்கும்;
நாரிமணி என்றால் ஒரு சிறந்த பெண்மணி.
நரியின் குணத்துடன் நாரியை வெல்லும்,
நரனின் தந்திரமே இங்கு காணப்போவது.

பொறுமையில் சிறந்தவள் பூமியைப் போல;
கருணையில் சிறந்தவள் ஒரு தாயைப் போல;
அறிவில் சிறந்தவள் ஒளிர் சூரியனைப் போல;
அன்பில் சிறந்தவள் குளிர் நிலவைப் போல.

இத்தனை சிறப்புகள் இருந்தபோதிலும்,
எத்தன் நரனிடம் அவள் ஏமாறுவது ஏன்?
மெத்தப் படித்தவளாக இருந்த போதிலும்,
மொத்தமாக ஏமாந்து போவது எப்படி?

தாம் பெற்ற பிள்ளைகளை, அவர்கள் முன்
தாமே புகழக்கூடாது என்கிறது மனு நீதி.
நற்குலத்தில் உதித்ததால், அவள் என்றும்
பெற்றோரின் புகழ்ச்சியைக் கேட்டதில்லை!


நரன் ஒருவன், நரியின் தந்திரத்துடன் வந்து,
நிரம்ப அதிகமாகவே அவளைப் புகழ்வான்
அவள் அறிவை முற்றிலும் மயக்கிவிட்டு,
ஆழ் குழியில் தள்ளி, அவளை அழிப்பதற்கு!

புகழ்ச்சியைக் கேட்டறியாத நாரிமணியும்,
புகழ்ச்சியில் ஏமாந்து மயங்கியே நிற்பாள்!
காகம் தொலைத்ததோ ஒரு சிறு வடையையே.
கன்னி தொலைக்கப்போவதோ தன் வாழ்வையே.

ஆதாயம் இல்லாமல் எவரும் ஒரு பாயும்
ஆற்றோடு போய்விடமாட்டார் அன்றோ?
ஆதாயம் என்ன தேடுகின்றார் என்று நன்கு
ஆராய்ந்து, ஆபத்தைத் தவிர்ப்பீர் நாரிமணிகளே!

ஐந்து அறிவு படைத்த காகம் ஏமாந்ததே
இன்றுவரை அழகிய கதையாக உலவுகிறது.
ஆறு அறிவு படைத்த நீங்கள் ஏமாந்தால்,
அது எத்தனை காலம் பேசப்படும் அறிவீரா?

வாழ்க வளமுடன்,
விசாலாக்ஷி ரமணி.

 

[R. Ramanujan]

point noted mr. iyer.

 

[R. Ramanujan]

oh......................

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

[FONT=arial black,sans-serif] மன்மதனா? அந்தகனா?

இயற்கையின் விநோதங்களில் ஒன்று
எதிர்மறைப் பொருட்கள் கவர்ச்சி கொள்வது!
எள்ளும் அரிசியும் போன்ற எதிர்மறைகள்
எள்ளளவும் தயக்கமின்றி இணைந்து கொள்வது!

சிறிய உருவம் கொண்ட ஒரு மனிதன்
பெரிய வடிவப் பெண்ணை விரும்புவதும்;
தங்கம் போன்று மின்னும் ஒரு பெண்
தர[/FONT]ங்கெட்ட ஒருவனை விரும்புவதும்; [FONT=arial black,sans-serif]

எழுப்பும் நம் உள்ளத்தில் ஒரு கேள்வி,
"ஏன் பல முறை இப்படியே நிகழ்கிறது?
மலர் அம்பு எய்து மனிதரை மயக்கும்
மன்மதன் என்பவன் ஒரு அந்தகனா?"

காதலில் "விழுந்தோம்" என்கின்றார்கள்.
காதலில் "எழுந்தோம்" என்று யாரேனும்
ஒருவரேனும் கூறியது உண்டா இதுவரை?
ஒவ்வாதவர்கள் வேறு என்ன கூற முடியும்?

காதலுக்கு கண் இல்லை, உண்மைதான்.
காதலுக்கு அறிவுத் திறனுமா இல்லை?
கண்ணிமை போலத் தன்னைக் காத்தவரை
கண நேரத்தில் தூக்கி எறிவது எப்படி?

பட்டு மெத்தையும், பால் சோறும் தந்த
பாசம் மிகு தாய், தந்தையரை மறந்து,
நெஞ்சில் கொஞ்சமும் ஈரமில்லாது - அவர்[/FONT]
[FONT=arial black,sans-serif]நெஞ்சங்களைக் கலங்க வைப்பது எப்படி?[/FONT]
[FONT=arial black,sans-serif]
நான், நான் எனத் தன்னையே மையப்படுத்தி
தான்தோன்றியாகச் செயல்படுவதும் எப்படி?
நன்றி மறந்து, சுற்றமனைத்தும் வெறுத்து
நானிலத்தில் உலவித் திரிவதும் எப்படி?

"மன்மதனே! உனக்கு ஒரு வேண்டுகோள்;
மலர்க்கணை விடும் முன்னர் சற்றே யோசி,
மனமும், குணமும், குலமும், கல்வியும்,
மண் துகள் அளவேனும் பொருந்துமா என்று!"

வாழ்க வளமுடன், விசாலாக்ஷி ரமணி.




[/FONT]

 

[kunjuppu]

visalakshmi,

very nice poems.

only thing, is that they appeal to the pathos of the worst outcome of the situations.

though i have never fallen in love and had an arranged marriage, i see my children in love. let me tell, there is no other feeling that beats it. it is a sheer joy to watch to young ones in love.

i think, you are portraying selfish parents - who still want to control their children and not let them grow up. it is best the parents that you have in mind, let go of that mindset. otherwise they are in for a lot of sorrow.

please remember, it is the parents who brought the children into this world, through their sex acts. the children did not ask to come here.

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

Brahmins being attracted by non brahmins

Dear Sir,

Love is wonderful feeling no doubt! It makes the whole world appear green, all the seasons appear as Spring and all the nights Pournamis.

But are our children mature enough to think about the long time commitments, adjustments and self sacrifices in store for them-in order to live happily ever after?

If so, why is the number of divorces ever increasing- to alarming proportions?

All the parents want THE BEST for their children. No one can question or doubt this point. The children look at their lovers in a "subjective manner" while the parents look at them in an "objective manner".

There is a lot of difference between these two views. The first one is biassed and the second one is nuetral and unbiassed!

The parents are one generation older and have much more worldly experiences than the young and immature calves "falling" in love!

I know many couples who marry in haste for the sake of their "true love" and suffer in silence for the rest of their lives- since they feel too humiliated to come out of the wedlock they themselves have entered into-disregarding the words of wisdom of the elders in the family!

Even if people marry in their own caste, community and religion, a successful marriage needs so many minor adjustments! What can I say about the inter-national, inter-religion and inter-caste marriages?

No good person will sit quietly and watch the youngsters-
blindfolded by LOVE-who rush to jump off a hill top. We will give the warning signals. Whether or not people want to heed to this and escape is, their own choice!

Thanks for your valuable feedback.
with warm regards,
Visalakshi Ramani.

 

[shankar_ganeshk]

Namaskaram,
I would like to comment on this thread with ideas which I think are right(I hope it is accepted and everyone thinks about it).Please read the whole comment properly before drawing any conclusion.This comment is for Brahmins as a whole(without any difference between Boys or Girls).
The reasons why intercaste marriages were not prefered (even prohibited) by Brahmins are
1.There is a loss of the HOLY tradition being followed by Brahmins(the couple in many cases forget the tradition of either sides, and without culture and tradition humans are just intelligent ANIMALS).
2.Brahmin community has been the one safe guarding the great principles of HINDUISM, which is the basis for the INDIAN CULTURE and India is respected for its culture. Brahmin community is the strongest source for Vedas and shastras,spiritual enlightnement and ultimate peace,(let me remind you that this spiritual awareness is what draws thousands of foreigners to our country....when foreigners understand the importance of our philosophy, why are we loosing faith in our own system?)
3.Hinduism is not just a religion but a way of life,(as stated by SWAMI VIVEKANANDA).Intercaste marriages destroy this pride of ours.
4.We were meant to be examples to other human beings,(show them how to live an honest life, impart philosophy of peace and DHARMA, and most important of all,being pure hearted)-I donot mean all brahmins lived this way, but a vast majority, say atleast 80% were pure hearted and believed in DHARMA.
5.We were meant to win the hearts of others by our way of life and our good nature, and inspire others to follow Dharma, which is the base of peace, if everyone followed Dharma there would be no disputes and wars!Intercaste marriage destroy or atleast degrade this system and one day there may be no such principle.(Dont think fo comparing the western nations with us,let me remind you of their culture.)Our culture is the best in the world because we belive in Dharma,and brahmins should be there to show the right way to others
Dont you'll think these great principles are to be transfered to future generations and on and on?
The fate of HINDUISM lies in our hands.
I dont know how many will appreciate this but I'll be happy if even few of you all reading this would even think about all this
Please give me your valuable comments on my view.

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

Dear Sir,

Thank you for your feedback!
You have expressed your views logically and beautifully! I am much impressed!

I agree with your point that there is loss of traditions of both the spouses in an inter caste marriage. Very true! Even otherwise there is a gradual deterioration of values, traditions and culture all over the world-noticable among the elites, who are supposed to be the torch-bearers and protectors of our culture and tradition.

We were supposed to be the guardians of Dharma, Culture, Traditions, Epics, Puranaas and the very value of Values!
We were able to the "command respect" of the other people, by our "simple living " and "high thinking".
We did not have to 'demand respect' as we seem to be doing now!
Are we still the living examples to the society?

One out of two inter-caste wedding involves a brahmin(boy or girl). Apparently the other communities are able to control their off springs by employing one of the four methods of defusing an explosive situation ...The Saama, Dhaana, Bedha and Dhanda means!

I have heard a person saying in a TV programme watched by millions of people all over the world that, if his children went against his wishes-they will be seen only in photos decorated with garlands! He meant "honor killing' even though he did not utter the word openly!

We are far too tolerant and passive even to think of something similar. We accept everything as God's wish and are broadminded enough bless the people who hurt us and put us to shame, in our society!

We have to blame the Kali yuga for all these happenings, since such things are bound to happen in this yuga. The scary predictions of seers and sages about this yuga will send shivers down the spine of any one who reads them.


Let us hope for the best and prepare for the worst!
with warm regards,
Visalakshi Ramani

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

கலி தரும் இன்னல்கள் .

கலி காலத்தில் நடப்பவை எல்லாம்,
கிலி அளிப்பனவாக இருந்திடுமே!
ஆயிரம், ஆயிரம் ஆண்டுகள் முன்பே,
அறிந்திருந்தார் இதை ஞானியர் அன்றே!

பொறுமை, இரக்கம், மனிதனின் ஆயுள்,
அறிவு, ஞானம், சுத்தம், குறையும்.
பொருளே பெரியது; குலம், வம்சம்,
திறமை, உண்மை, நேர்மை அல்ல.

கணவன் பேச்சை மனைவி மதியாள்,
கனவான் கூற்றை சிறியவர் மதியார்.
மனைவி சகோதரன் கை ஓங்கி நிற்கும்,
தனது சகோதரர்க்கு எங்கும் இடம் இல்லை .

வர்ணங்கள், ஜாதி பேதங்கள் அழிந்திடும்,
தர்மம் , தானம், தவம் குறைந்திடும்;
திருமணம் என்பது இரு மனப்பொருத்தம்;
ஒரு ஆண், ஒரு பெண் மட்டுமே தேவை.

கோத்திரம், கல்வி, குடும்பச் சூழ்நிலை,
கேட்கவே வேண்டாம் வேறு எதையுமே!
இல்லற இன்பமே அனைவரின் தேவை;
இல்லறம் நல்லறம் புரிவதற்கு அல்ல!

கல்வியை விற்று பல அந்தணர்களும்,
பொருட்களை விற்று மற்றவர்களும்,
கற்பை விற்று பல பெண்களும், அறம்
பெருந்தாத வாழ்க்கை வாழ்ந்திடுவர்!

வணிகம் என்றாலே வஞ்சகம் தான்,
அனைவரும் செய்வதால் அதுவும் சரியே.
நாணயம், நேர்மை, என்று நினைத்தால் ,
அனைத்தையும் இழந்து, நிற்க வேண்டும்.

திறமையும், அறிவும் நன்கு பயன்படும்,
தன் குடும்பத்தினரை பேணுவதற்கே!
சிறந்த அறங்கள் செய்வார் பலரும்,
தம் பெயர் புகழுடன் விளங்குவதற்கே!

வேலியே பயிரை மேய்வது போலே,
வேந்தனே மக்களைச் சுரண்டிடுவான்!
பொன், பொருள், பெண் என்ற எல்லாம்
தன்னது என்றே பறித்துக் கொள்வான்

அதிக வெய்யில், அதிக வெப்பம், புயல்;
அதிகக் காற்று, அதிக மழை , வெள்ளம்;
பஞ்சம் என்று இயற்கையும் தன் பங்குக்கு
வஞ்சனை செய்யும்; வாட்டி வதைக்கும்!

வருமுன் காப்போம், மிகவும் கவனமாக;
கலியின் பற்பல இன்னல்களில் இருந்து;
இறைவன் திருஅருள் நம் மீது இருந்தால்,
இது முற்றிலும் சாத்தியம், சத்தியமே!

வாழ்க வளமுடன், விசாலாக்ஷி ரமணி

 

[Nara]

Dear Madam, Greetings!

You write nice poems, alas they are so bleak. Love only inspired bards of all places and times, from Thiruvallurvar to Kannadasan to Paul McCartney. It is sad the same love seems to make you despondent.

When children seem immaturely in love, should the parents also behave immaturely? Is it fair for them to insist on a repayment for the nights and days they gave them பால் சோரு in பட்டு மெத்தை? Is parental love a mere investment, the return for which is a future quid pro quo from their wards? What a quid pro quo you demand, one that asks for a pound of flesh from their heart?

Why is mere love from children towards parents is not enough? Why must the children submit to every whim of the parents, the whim that springs from nothing more than their own notion of honor drilled into them by nothing more significant than mere tradition, but shrouded with appeals to practicality, rupees and paisa, caste and religion, bragging rights among relatives and friends, holding one's head high in the so called society? What is this tradition anyhow, one that the parents themselves have blissfully abandoned and don't even want to admit it? Is it anything more than what was told and admonished never to question?

Love of any kind, parental, or that of a paramour, is not something that conforms to expectation, fulfilling expectation is not love. Giving unconditional love is a parent's duty and a child's right. Denying this right in the name of tradition is foolishness whose victim is not just the perpetrators, namely the parents, but the victims of denial -- the children -- as well, a double whammy. There is nothing more selfish and destructive than demanding guilt induced compliance from children -- the kind of guilt that oozes out of these poems -- it is the supreme act of selfishness bar none.

Loving our children who find love is nothing short of pure bliss. But, giving them succor, if that love goes sour, is the supreme duty of parents. There is no greater "sin" than to reprove them -- the I-told-you-so kind -- in their hour of need.

Cheers!