Dear Shri Sangom, Greetings!
...I know I am intruding in your discussion with Madam Visalakshi.
It is an honor to have you in the discussion.
Please correct me if I am wrong, I think your main observation is that there is nothing called platonic love, it is all physical. I have to say, I don't disagree completely, but our view may diverge depending upon what we mean by physical. IMO, physical love is not limited to just coital union. I will come to this in just a minute, but first, the main point of my response to sister Visalakshi was, at a mere mundane, ephemeral level, our children need and deserve our love and support, without predicating them upon fulfilling our notions of social propriety. In my reply to her I have described my stand in more detail.
Back to platonic love -- at the core of the lives of all the species all around us, including we humans, is the instinct to survive, pass our genes down to the next generation, and increase the chances for our off-springs to do the same. Young animals go to extreme lengths to attract mates. Some even offer their own lives in return for sex, viz. males of some preying mantis species. The choice of mates is dictated by chances of healthy off-spring and if careful rearing of the off-spring is necessary, the likelihood of sharing of rearing responsibility. The male and female members of each species have developed their own ways of advertising these desirable qualities.
In humans, physical beauty, and a corresponding attraction to it, are surrogate indicators for healthy egg and sperm so that the off-springs are likely to be healthy. Promise of monogamy -- whether kept or not (more important for men from his mate than for a woman from her mate) -- IT job, huge salary, convoy of cars, "good" family, these are surrogates for sharing of rearing responsibility.
After the child is born, the parents undertaking extraordinary sacrifices for the educational/professional success of the children, teaching them music, dance, slogams, conformity to social norms, etc., these are to make sure the children are successful in surviving, finding healthy and dependable mates, and procreating, so that our own genes survive another generation.
What we call love is just emotions churned out of all these physical needs, in other words, all love is physical. At an young age the feeling of love is a product of procreation imperative and to an equal extent, sharing of rearing imperative. If only procreation imperative was present, one may look to only physical beauty. If it was just coital, then one would witness simultaneous multinomial attraction crisscrossing in all directions. But we are attracted not just by physical beauty, but also by the care our lovers show, the sharing of feelings, a warm kind of attachment. These are surrogates for a promise to share in rearing responsibilities. Even though these are not feelings directly linked to physical beauty, they are physical all the same as these feelings are generated by changing hormones and brain chemicals.
Next is love for children, and it is no more platonic than any other kind. At the core of parental love for children is the rearing imperative that is so essential to ensure that our genes get passed further down the generations. Parents of girls are driven to maximize the girl's chance of producing children and making sure those babies survive to healthy adulthood. For the girl to be able to rear her children well, she needs the support of her mate and the larger society. This is the driving force behind making sure the girl conforms to the prevailing norms and mores so that she finds a mate who can deliver on both counts, producing babies and making sure those babies are reared to a healthy adulthood. Paradoxically, the parental love that impels them to selflessly sacrifice everything for their children, is, at its core, a supreme selfish act, to ensure their own genes succeed into the next generation.
So, all love is physical, the love between two young people impelled to make babies, or the love of parents to make sure their babies can grow up and make even more babies. The barbaric instinct is coded in the DNA of not just humans, but all spices that rely on sex for reproduction.
Love is indeed the same old wine. Old Tamils had a practice called மடல் ஊர்தல். This ritual finds praise in our Tamil literature. It finds mention even in Tamil Bhakti literature. Parangusa Nayaki (Thirumangai Azhvar in Nayaki bhavam) says she is not going to let Lord Sriman Narayana jilt her, she is going to perform மடல் ஊர்தல் even though it is prohibited for girls to do over a boy she seeks.
அன்ன நடையார் அலர் ஏச ஆடவர் மேல்
மன்னும் மடல் ஊரார் என்பது ஓர் வாசகமும்
தென் உரையில் கேட்டு அறிவதுண்டு, அதனை யாம் தெளியோம்
....
and ends this long poem with
உலகறிய ஊர்வன் நான் வண்டறைய பூம் பெண்ணை மடல்
In the ancient times love between a boy and a girl found its celebration in poems. These days it is extolled in the present day popular medium, silver screen. The same sweet wine, in a different bottle, but enjoyable all the same, and what an enjoyment it is. The stolen glances, the half smile sends you to heaven and back. Even though this love is coming from hard coded instinct bursting forth from our DNA, when we are swimming in it, who cares where it is from, sip it, enjoy it, we don't need to tell our DNA we know the truth.
A love song even in a language we don't understand is beautiful.
Here is one, enjoy. For Tamil movie buffs from yesteryears, can you name the Tamil song copied from this one?
Cheers!
