Divorce - situation

[renuka]

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I am told a crying man is not considered attractive to women. For all their own emotional selves, women dont like emotional men.

Not true...crying is a normal human reaction.
There is nothing sexier than a man who admits how he feels instead of having a man who tries to act as if he is in total control of everything.

Man who always try to put a bold front usually end up with some form of addiction to release pent up emotions.
These are the types who drown in alcohol,substance abuse and also commit adultery.

But the crying has to be for a valid reason and not crying "waah waah waah..I miss my mummy's cooking" LOL!

 

[biswa]

Or how about "waah waaah waah... Moderator, that person insulted me in the forum...." ?

 

[renuka]

I agree with Raghy ji's point here. Children reflect the image of God. What makes them special is the innocence of childhood. I see my own children and can relive my long forgotten childhood. They like everybody, want to play with everybody and want to believe anything they are told. They are so dependent on their parents and trust them with their lives.

Sure, sooner or later life hardens everybody (parents' divorce is one example), but let us not snatch their childhood too early from them.

I never consider children innocent at all cos I knew how my brain worked when I was 8 years old.

I used to have a teacher who used to scold me for nothing at all cos she did not like my mother.

So I used to sit staring at this teacher in class just hoping I would set her on fire with my stare.

She used to ask me "what are you staring at?"

I would sweetly reply "teacher you are so pretty" but inside my mind I used to think "even my dog looks better than you!"

So believe me...I have been a kid and I was no innocent one!LOL

All kids are potential adults just waiting to unveil..no one is born innocent.

Dear Biswa..so if children reflect the image of God..which God was I? Hades?

 

[biswa]

All kids are potential adults just waiting to unveil..no one is born innocent.

I thought it is the other way. Everyone​ is born innocent, until the system corrupts them. Perhaps, if the teacher was not so nasty, you would have still been innocent?

 

[renuka]

Or how about "waah waaah waah... Moderator, that person insulted me in the forum...." ?

LOL!....I thought I wrote this line once upon a time.

 

[renuka]

I thought it is the other way. Everyone​ is born innocent, until the system corrupts them. Perhaps, if the teacher was not so nasty, you would have still been innocent?

I do not think so..cos I had a passion for fire.
When everyone was asleep I would get up and try to play with fire.

I liked to look at fire.
But I knew the potential danger so I always tried all fire stunts in the bathroom so that I can put it out if fire goes out of hand.

I would like to burn stuff and watch fire at the age of 8.This lasted till the age of 9.

Then at the age of 9,I developed passion for water.Would love to spend time just soaking in the bath tub and holding my head under water for a long time.

Sounds weird right?

 

[biswa]

But that exactly is innocent behavior. Not knowing the dangers of fire and water and experimenting with them. It is only when the elders come and say: "Dont do that" does the confidence get stunted.

Lack of fear is the privilege of the young.

 

[renuka]

Hardly there are some humans who would never ever have anything called emotions. Would never be emotional to self and to others. Would never ever can understand that Emotionally going High and Emotionally Going Down is the Basic Human Tendency, no matter how old a human is. Living with such a person would be really gruesome!!!!

Not really...these kind of people offer soothing words to others and comfort to others but just remain one step away from being emotionally entangled with anyone or any situation.

So far no one has complained living with me is gruesome.
When I was in college lots of my friends used to search for me when they had a problem cos they felt I was compassionate and understanding but deep down inside I always felt a bit aloof from everyone cos I could make out many were not sincere.

I remember once my late Mother In Law told my mum that "renu has no emotions and feelings..cos I can not understand how she can inject her own baby and feel no emotions for it..she can only be a doctor but not a mother"

You see Ravi...so perception differs.

My MIL felt that a mother should be emotional and not inject her own child where else I felt I will inject my baby cos I will do it gently for him so that he feels less pain.

Most of my female doctor friends can not inject their own kids even they have asked me "how on earth can you do this"

Once a doctor asked me to stitch his wife's injury cos he said he had no heart to inject and stitch her.

For me I had even stitched my husband facial cut once cos I told him I will do it well for you so that there will be no scar.

So basically a person who appears emotionally stable has intense love for others but just that they are able to keep themselves away from being carried away by sentiments.

 

[renuka]

But that exactly is innocent behavior. Not knowing the dangers of fire and water and experimenting with them. It is only when the elders come and say: "Dont do that" does the confidence get stunted.

Lack of fear is the privilege of the young.

Biswa..I was quit aware..I knew fire and water is dangerous..so all experiments would be within limits and also with door open so that if any emergency anyone can get help.

 

[venkat2206]

Biswa..I was quit aware..I knew fire and water is dangerous..so all experiments would be within limits and also with door open so that if any emergency anyone can get help.

This is called as human psychology - knowing fully well something is dangerous - still experimenting or going for the same for the sake of excitment / thrill / timepass. As long one is within the boundary - nothing wrong in this. Some more examples are:

Smoking is injurious - lot of people smoke
Kudi Kudiyai Kedukkum - Prnited on bottles / written all over shops - highest ever collection in Liquor shops
Every second day we read in newspaper that so and so drowned in the lake / sea - still lot of youngsters everyday go for the thrill. At times, I may even call this as over confident and their attitude that nothing will happen to them.

In my view, things which can be avoided should be avoided - I refer only to water and fire.

Venkat K

 

[sarang]

Marriage too, as that is the topic of the thread. It too burns and drowns who are adventurous.

But for the majority of sane persons, marriage is the balm that warms, heals and cools.

In my view, things which can be avoided should be avoided - I refer only to water and fire.

Venkat K

 

[renuka]

Actually marriage is just a phase in life..I have no idea why people feel it is the ultimate goal or some big deal.

Life really never acutely changes for us.

I have been married for 13 years and till today I do not feel as if I am married cos my true self has been the same.

Everyone says marriage is a responsibility ..for me I will ask "what responsibility?"

Unless some one views life as a burden only then he/she will view everything as an added responsibility.


Marriage too is like a garment worn by us in our life which we give up upon death.

Love is innate human nature..marriage is a ritual.

There can be love without marriage, marriage without love and also marriage with love...so the combinations are many but ultimately a true human is one who is love personified.

 

[suraju06]

Dear Renuka,

Not really...these kind of people offer soothing words to others and comfort to others but just remain one step away from being emotionally entangled with anyone or any situation.So far no one has complained living with me is gruesome.
When I was in college lots of my friends used to search for me when they had a problem cos they felt I was compassionate and understanding but deep down inside I always felt a bit aloof from everyone cos I could make out many were not sincere.
I remember once my late Mother In Law told my mum that "renu has no emotions and feelings..cos I can not understand how she can inject her own baby and feel no emotions for it..she can only be a doctor but not a mother"
You see Ravi...so perception differs.
My MIL felt that a mother should be emotional and not inject her own child where else I felt I will inject my baby cos I will do it gently for him so that he feels less pain.
Most of my female doctor friends can not inject their own kids even they have asked me "how on earth can you do this"
Once a doctor asked me to stitch his wife's injury cos he said he had no heart to inject and stitch her.
For me I had even stitched my husband facial cut once cos I told him I will do it well for you so that there will be no scar.
So basically a person who appears emotionally stable has intense love for others but just that they are able to keep themselves away from being carried away by sentiments.

I understand well what you say. But generally such individuals are not understood well by the society. If you have some one who understands your aloofness and yet loves you for that and many other things in you, you are blessed indeed. Usually people keep a distance from or just tolerate such "jeevanmuktas". Many a time the communication transactions of such individuals with others get crossed and fall flat without reaching the destination unaffected. But no doubt that such people have a unique personality.

Cheers.

 

[Raghy]

I am told a crying man is not considered attractive to women. For all their own emotional selves, women dont like emotional men.

Don't they? I didn't know that. I am an emotional person. I have broken down emotionally few times in fron of women.. strange women.. not just my wife. ( In front of men there was no need to break down. It's all about ego. Can't express ego at the same footing towards women. have to buckle down; have to let her have a go at you). I thought women don't like calculative men. Then again, attration and trust are two different things. I don't know what women like or hate.. If I feel like crying, I just cry.Usually don't care about what others think of me.

Cheers!

 

[renuka]

Some people might view marriage as a major responsibility for the following reasons:

1)Controlling finances and saving money for future

2)Bringing up children the right way suited to time and place.

3)Being able to face adversity of any kind for family/spouse.


But frankly speaking this is just our duties in life and even if a person is single he/she would be preforming similar duties for themselves or for parents or any other person dependent on them.

The only difference is in marriage one is doing duties with a partner.

Most people feel if they were single they would be more care free and less responsible but it is not true cos an irresponsible person will be the same if he/she is single or married.

Hence I choose to say that our true innate self never really changes pre marriage or post marriage.

 

[renuka]

Dear Renuka,



I understand well what you say. But generally such individuals are not understood well by the society. If you have some one who understands your aloofness and yet loves you for that and many other things in you, you are blessed indeed. Usually people keep a distance from or just tolerate such "jeevanmuktas". Many a time the communication transactions of such individuals with others get crossed and fall flat without reaching the destination unaffected. But no doubt that such people have a unique personality.

Cheers.

Dear Sir,

I am very frank about my nature in forum, I can be very caring and cry for even people I do not know but at the same time I can still draw a line where to stop without hurting anyone or myself.

I feel may be to a certain extent years of training as a doctor and seeing transient nature of life and death(I call death transient too cos what is dead will be born again too)..have made me realize that frankly speaking nothing is really in our hands..so just be loving without being too emotionally involved.

One thing I am glad is I can tune off my mind from anything.
I will just have to tell myself a loud No! and I will not think about it anymore.

Thank you for understanding.

 

[renuka]

Don't they? I didn't know that. I am an emotional person. I have broken down emotionally few times in fron of women.. strange women.. not just my wife. ( In front of men there was no need to break down. It's all about ego. Can't express ego at the same footing towards women. have to buckle down; have to let her have a go at you). I thought women don't like calculative men. Then again, attration and trust are two different things. I don't know what women like or hate.. If I feel like crying, I just cry.Usually don't care about what others think of me.

Cheers!

Dear Raghy,

You see women sometimes can be idiotic!LOL

They want a man to fuss around them and be lovey dovey but when he is feeling down they expect him to be macho.

The fact is simple...if man were not supposed to cry God would not have given them tear glands.

Tell me what a woman has that a man does not have?
Ok hold on do not jump to the 10 points of what a man sees in a woman!!LOL

Every organ in the male has an analogous organ in the female and vice versa.

So guys if you want to cry..just cry!

 

[ShivKC]

Dear Raghy,

Tell me what a woman has that a man does not have?
Ok hold on do not jump to the 10 points of what a man sees in a woman!!LOL

Every organ in the male has an analogous organ in the female and vice versa.

So guys if you want to cry..just cry!

answer is quite simple. man can copy cat some act of dog.

both male and female dogs can piss on the wall !!

 

[renuka]

answer is quite simple. man can copy cat some act of dog.

both male and female dogs can piss on the wall !!

Ha Ha Ha...once a person of Indian origin in Facebook(when I was there..now I am not there anymore) wrote the same and also said that as a man he can even sit outside of his house without a shirt and can you woman do this?

You see woman can do anything they like too..I guess that guy has not seen people go topless.

Ok coming to aiming at the wall..when I was 13 years old and was in India,my first trip..I remember watching many men aiming at the wall in B'lore town(now I hardly see this).

Some were even drawing patterns.

Well women too can draw patterns is they wish...it is all the technique that's all!!LOL

 

[manoharkumar]

One thing I am glad is I can tune off my mind from anything.
I will just have to tell myself a loud No! and I will not think about it anymore.

Renuka Maam,

That should be complemented with a big WOW!! tune off your mind !!! Chance hi nahi!! and here mortal souls like me are searching for a guru to guide on bringing the mind under control... have been doing meditation for the past few years and still not able to tune off mind!!
As i mentioned in some other thread " Maam u R Unique and listening & reading your thoughts is woth the time spent.. I am coming across a person with steady thoughts and things with the mind and not heart!! I am more like Mr.Raghy , emotional and have shed tears of emotion on the completion of a duty very succesfully-like marriage of my daughter, or when my daughter stood first in her school exams. Different type of tears!! But still cry!! my younger brother does not get emotional at all and is more like you. Like Ms.Amala commented in this thread , i am also envious of a person like you.

Cheers!!

 

[tbs]

Dear Raghy,

You see women sometimes can be idiotic!LOL

They want a man to fuss around them and be lovey dovey but when he is feeling down they expect him to be macho.

The fact is simple...if man were not supposed to cry God would not have given them tear glands.

Tell me what a woman has that a man does not have?
Ok hold on do not jump to the 10 points of what a man sees in a woman!!LOL

Every organ in the male has an analogous organ in the female and vice versa.

So guys if you want to cry..just cry!

hi renu
i cried many times in my life....still sometimes i like to cry.....i have a lot of emotions.....i feel cry ...when im lonely,,,,still i control

now a days......i feel cry in love failures in anybodys life.......in my home ..men cry a lot....women folks cry less....may be some

genetical theory....lol

 

[renuka]

Renuka Maam,

That should be complemented with a big WOW!! tune off your mind !!! Chance hi nahi!! and here mortal souls like me are searching for a guru to guide on bringing the mind under control... have been doing meditation for the past few years and still not able to tune off mind!!
As i mentioned in some other thread " Maam u R Unique and listening & reading your thoughts is woth the time spent.. I am coming across a person with steady thoughts and things with the mind and not heart!! I am more like Mr.Raghy , emotional and have shed tears of emotion on the completion of a duty very succesfully-like marriage of my daughter, or when my daughter stood first in her school exams. Different type of tears!! But still cry!! my younger brother does not get emotional at all and is more like you. Like Ms.Amala commented in this thread , i am also envious of a person like you.

Cheers!!

Dear sir,

Actually there is no need to be envious cos I was not born this way.
Experiences in life made me so.

During my convocation I saw even guys cry when they were given the MBBS degree.

I did not feel emotional cos I always attribute every success in life as borrowed from God.

I am not competitive by nature.I do not like to compete with others and only compete with my own self by setting the standards higher on my own scale after taking into account my plus point and draw backs.

At my marriage I saw my mum emotional and crying and I told her "amma my house is just nearby to you..I am always in front of your eyes..I am not dead so don't cry".

She started laughing hearing me say that.

I saw my parents cry when my younger brother got married without letting us know cos he had married a muslim.

I realized then that nothing is really in our hands.

We can only try our best but outcome is totally not in our hands.

I have seen a near and dear person get depressed for quite a long time when his mother died and I realized that too much love and attachment can also affect our personal life and well being.

I have seen patients here today and gone for good(dead) the very next day.

So sir..I am no mahan..just very normal.

I just want to add this.. years of reading the teachings of Sathya Sai Baba makes anyone very practical,loving and less emotional.

 

[renuka]

hi renu
i cried many times in my life....still sometimes i like to cry.....i have a lot of emotions.....i feel cry ...when im lonely,,,,still i control

now a days......i feel cry in love failures in anybodys life.......in my home ..men cry a lot....women folks cry less....may be some

genetical theory....lol

Hey you cry a lot ok..much more than the average rain fall of some countries!!LOL

I have a feeling you are crying too much cos you are remembering some past event that you still haven't got over.

Like movie Autograph!! Ha Ha ha

 

[renuka]

We also can learn a lot from terminally ill patients.

I had a patient who had stage 4 breast Cancer and she used to come here for dressing of her Cancer wound which used to ooze pus and blood.

She always had a smile on her face and she told me that she takes this as Takdir(Fate) and never even one time felt angry with life cos she felt that she has spent a happy life even though poor and since death is inevitable she just waits for her last days and spends time reading the Quran.

In admire most of my Malay Muslim patients..they never give up faith in God no matter what.

 

[sarang]

May be in the past; now all english and tamil heroes in movies cry whenever they get an opportunity.

I am told a crying man is not considered attractive to women. For all their own emotional selves, women dont like emotional men.