Finding A Match For A Tamil Brahmin

[krish44]

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JJ ji
parents do not bond with children and do not care to know their preferances are regarding matches or what they are upto.

in fact fathers know the least.mostly girls in association with mother decide on matches in most families. father has to be a front

man with both not caring for his preferances. Many fathers learn painfully that though they might be big bosses in

office but on the issue of marriage ,their role is reduced to a postman conveying messages. after one or two

incidents of the type you have mentioned, they learn their lesson.lol

 

[krish44]

most youngsters know how to post on facebook and social sites . but they are not very good in bonding online with

prospective mates. the first precaution boys need to take is delete/block their offending posts on facebook and social

sites and remove their photos if possible. Girls have a way of reading them to find out what kind of a fellow he is before talking online

Boys and girls require to talk online without seeing each other on skype so that comfort develops first. most require

two to three sessions on line

boys do not know how to handle peospective matches online . many can talk to girls but when it comes to marriage

, their smartness fails them. when girls ask probing questions, the boys do not know how to respond. parents should

help them to respond in an appropriate way so that the girl does not terminate and run away. only after two or

three mishaps boys develop sense of what not to say.lol

t takes a lot to make boys realise that they shiould make themselves acceptable to girls and not show their

smartness or exhibit their intellectual superiority.lol

I have witnessed such disasters and boys getting rejected.

I have even told them what to respond when they are cornered by girls online and escape with honour .lol

 

[Raji Ram]

........... Boys and girls require to talk online without seeing each other on skype so that comfort develops first. most require two to three sessions on line.........

ALaiyE pArkkAmal enna online pEchchu vENdikkidakku! :lol:

hone: pOdhumE!

 

[krish44]

ALaiyE pArkkAmal enna online pEchchu vENdikkidakku! :lol:

hone: pOdhumE!

most see the photo of boys and girls on matromonial profile on web before talking on line.

only chatting on web with person concerned without seeing increases the comfort. it is impersonal and can be terminated in case there is no bonding or matching of views. even after skype ,seeing each other outside, many decide not to proceed further if the actual person in flesh and blood has odd dressing or mannerism or food tastes besides other undesirable traits. for boys it is worse than a corporate interview in MNCs. most have a minimum of two or three rejects before succeeding to trap a girl for marriage

 

[Raji Ram]

Better to talk on phone rather than talking to a computer screen! Is it a method to save the fat phone bill? opcorn:

Anyway, rejections happen even after the betrothal ceremony; so what is the big deal in skyping with webcam ON!

 

[CHANDRU1849]

Very much acceptable, Sir!

After all, they pray to Hindu Gods only and are grouped as brahmins. So be happy!

Similarly, when a vaishnavite girl marries a smartha boy, she follows only smartha customs!

Smartha customs accept Vaishnavite Gods also; but not in the case of Vaishnavite customs.

Hence, if an Iyer girl marries an Iyengar boy, it is nothing but conversion within the caste. How many Iyengars name their children with the name of Saivite Gods.

Therefore, arranged marriage between Iyer girl and Iyengar boy is not advisable.

 

[CHANDRU1849]

my iyer dIL did not have to sacrifice anything. Iam an iyengar by accident of birth. not my fault really .lol

Change of dress itself is a sacrifice, since Smarthas have different madisar.

What is the name of your DIL's children? Does any child have the name of Saivite God?

 

[krish44]

Change of dress itself is a sacrifice, since Smarthas have different madisar.

What is the name of your DIL's children? Does any child have the name of Saivite God?

I realise it is a sacrifice.to wear an iyengar madisar. that is the price of love.lol

chandruji one needs to love before marriage someone.

madisar wearing for a few hours is a small sacrifice to marry ones lover.

shiv iyengar appears a novelname . shall consider it .we are not blessed with a grand child.even chandru is a good name.

 

[kunjuppu]

Smartha customs accept Vaishnavite Gods also; but not in the case of Vaishnavite customs.

Hence, if an Iyer girl marries an Iyengar boy, it is nothing but conversion within the caste. How many Iyengars name their children with the name of Saivite Gods.

Therefore, arranged marriage between Iyer girl and Iyengar boy is not advisable.

we have a friend, an iyengar married to a saiva pillai. son named shiva.

 

[Raji Ram]

1. Change of dress itself is a sacrifice, since Smarthas have different madisar.

2. What is the name of your DIL's children? Does any child have the name of Saivite God?

1. Is it a sacrifice? BTW, modern girls seldom like any type of madisAr!

2. Many smarthas have Vaishnavite names, though you may not like it!

Raji Ram

 

[krish44]

1. Is it a sacrifice? BTW, modern girls seldom like any type of madisAr!

2. Many smarthas have Vaishnavite names, though you may not like it!

Raji Ram

it is a conspiracy of iyengars -chandruji would like to believe.

in srirangam you will find lot of iyers with iyengar names. it is very common in fact . they also pray at the sri vaishnavite temples.

 

[Janaki Jambunathan]

it is a conspiracy of iyengars -chandruji would like to believe.

in srirangam you will find lot of iyers with iyengar names. it is very common in fact . they also pray at the sri vaishnavite temples.

This Naming mindset of Iyegars I had comented upon in a different thread I have good liberal Iyegar friend who has an Iyer D in L When a male child was born to her my friend's wish prevailed Child was named Prhalad He imagined that this child will recite only Naryana and will never think of Siva! though this name is not common with Iyegars Subtle way of enforcing his mindset

 

[kunjuppu]

it is a conspiracy of iyengars -chandruji would like to believe.

in srirangam you will find lot of iyers with iyengar names. it is very common in fact . they also pray at the sri vaishnavite temples.

my dad's name was venkatachalam. have not heard of any iyengars with that name, though i know of a few iyers and naidus.

 

[krish44]

Returning to the subject of the thread, one issue that most face is checking out regarding the so called character of

the boy .The risk element of getting into a marriage with an unknown boy is pretty high .

Most try to check about them from their place of work .

if the boy is from a far off place say a foreign country it is often difficult to check out .

My relative discovered that a boy had a crimnal case though petty [drunken driving evading arrest when cop tried to

stop in US]. This is very common in india.many do not get caught . but it damaged a good alliance.

another girl I know had her marriage called off since girls family tried checking onprospective groom ,a NRI.the boys

side got enraged that the girl side did this.

when I got married, someone I do not know gave a guarantee that I was a good guy. his logic was a person working

in a good pSU cannot be bad. this man told me this several months after marriage when I ran into him accidentally.

this is a serious issue. in these days iof late marriages, many boys or girls are bound to have had a relationship which

would have not worked out for various reasons. how to guard against already married ,divorced or separated.

there is no easy answer to this.

how does one check out discreetly. private investigation agencies?

I have no answers.

if a person is from a far off place in india or is from a foreign country it is very risky to get into a marriage

relationship.

but most girls have a hang up about foreign types as it is a passport to freedom and better life.

will some NRI throw some light on how to check out a guy who has spent 7 to 8 years in US/canada?

 

[tbs]

Returning to the subject of the thread, one issue that most face is checking out regarding the so called character of

the boy .The risk element of getting into a marriage with an unknown boy is pretty high .

Most try to check about them from their place of work .

if the boy is from a far off place say a foreign country it is often difficult to check out .

My relative discovered that a boy had a crimnal case though petty [drunken driving evading arrest when cop tried to

stop in US]. This is very common in india.many do not get caught . but it damaged a good alliance.

another girl I know had her marriage called off since girls family tried checking onprospective groom ,a NRI.the boys

side got enraged that the girl side did this.

when I got married, someone I do not know gave a guarantee that I was a good guy. his logic was a person working

in a good pSU cannot be bad. this man told me this several months after marriage when I ran into him accidentally.

this is a serious issue. in these days iof late marriages, many boys or girls are bound to have had a relationship which

would have not worked out for various reasons. how to guard against already married ,divorced or separated.

there is no easy answer to this.

how does one check out discreetly. private investigation agencies?

I have no answers.

if a person is from a far off place in india or is from a foreign country it is very risky to get into a marriage

relationship.

but most girls have a hang up about foreign types as it is a passport to freedom and better life.

will some NRI throw some light on how to check out a guy who has spent 7 to 8 years in US/canada?

hi

since im in the USA more than 2 decades....generally ABCD's will clearly tell their choices to the parents...they wont do

double acting....generally as we do in india....like we like somebody but never tell to the parents,,,,pretending like

pious cow...

 

[krish44]

then the engagement of boy and girl . most publicise the engagement calling a lot of people , sastrigal and partying.

it is the most foolish thing to do as many alliances do not go beyond the engagement stage and get broken on flimsiest of grounds leading to a lot of damage for boy and

girl . girls get more damaged and often it is difficult to find another match easily.

I know of engagement breaking even in one day of engagement .

IMHO , engagement should be discreet affair with boy and girl with parents with three or four more. It can just be a exchange of lagna pathrikai with no money

transaction so that both parties can go back if it is broken without damage to each other.

only yesterday , my close friend in chenna whose son got engaged four months back had a set back and girl backed out after knowing him for 1 month.

my friend is unable to cope with it .

since it is becoming a common phenomenon in brahmin families, it is best engagement is not given much publicity and kept secret among a few.

I think it is worthwhile.

I got my grand nephew engaged with just 10 people including boy and girl with just exchange of rings with tambulam and no money transaction.six weeks back.

I feel it was the wisest thing to happen . Both sides are happy that there is no money transaction or fanfare

 

[Raji Ram]

I am sorry to say this Krish Sir!

No one is ready to listen to your 'ideas'!

 

[krish44]

Why?RRji

 

[Raji Ram]

People like to have grand betrothal ceremony with the hope that signing the 'agreement paper' with many witnesses will be

a good start for the wedding that follows. But now a days people seldom care for the agreement signed / the words uttered! :sad:
Groom's side wants to show off their money power in that ceremony. So, the pomp and show will continue for ever! arty:

 

[biswa]

hi

since im in the USA more than 2 decades....generally ABCD's will clearly tell their choices to the parents...they wont do

double acting....generally as we do in india....like we like somebody but never tell to the parents,,,,pretending like

pious cow...

Holy Cow! LOL

 

[krish44]

RRji
Money power damages marriages

One should use money sensibly for good items of utility of use to the marrying couple.

similarly marriages should be overnight affairs with minimal numbers [mostly relatives and very close friends] for religeous ceremony and a reception for friends.

this really reduces marriage expenses.also one retains privacy and only invite people one cares for. Booking of marriage halls is just for 24 hours preferably on a

weekend so that nobody is inconvenienced. i have all family weddings only on sunday. Outstation People can come on saturday afternoon and leave sunday afternoon. it facilitates

these people . It is more important to care for people who attend than make a show of grandeur.It takes very little to do this. Girls parents are normally happy as it

reduces their financial burden. Some boys parents who are well off can definitely take some more expenses on themselves to facilitate marriage celebrations

 

[sudeshwer]

Smartha customs accept Vaishnavite Gods also; but not in the case of Vaishnavite customs.

Hence, if an Iyer girl marries an Iyengar boy, it is nothing but conversion within the caste. How many Iyengars name their children with the name of Saivite Gods.

Therefore, arranged marriage between Iyer girl and Iyengar boy is not advisable.

in my family, Iyer boy married iyengar girl. it is working very well - srinivasan

 

[sudeshwer]

Though Paramacharya was a very highly learned saint, for matters relating to marriage, it is only practical and pragmatic approach which will help in the long run.

If a Smartha girl marries a boy from a staunch Vaishnavite background, invariably the girl has to sacrifice her smartha background totally. Is it OK and acceptable?

What do you mean by 'even Rao brahmin can also be considered'? Madhwa Brahmins are part of Vaishnavite brahmin sect. They are dominating the sect in Karnataka and Maharashtra. The sect has produced some outstanding personalities. If Paramacharya made the above statement, it is rather strange that he did not know about Rao sect, despite the fact that he was a Kannada Smartha.

I highly appreciate you have kindly rated Paramacharya as 'a very highly learned saint'. when 'a very highly learned saint' says
something it carries weight. y see Paramacharya noted that brahminisom is going down at every angle, he suggested such approach. when inter subcasts in iyers and iyengars marry why not other brahmin sects!! possibly y know, I read somewhere that iyers came first followed by ayengars; that is why iyers worship vaishnava Gods also. another interesting story: one of my another relative married an english white lady and can you believe that they did thread ceremony for their son recently in Chennai. It all depends upon how you view. one shud read Paramacharya's comments on various issues to understand Him well. Kalki magazine always publishes His comments at the first page on every issue. Kindly go through - srinivasan

 

[CHANDRU1849]

Very much acceptable, Sir!

After all, they pray to Hindu Gods only and are grouped as brahmins. So be happy!

Similarly, when a vaishnavite girl marries a smartha boy, she follows only smartha customs!

Yes. But Smartha customs are not exclusive as in the case of Iyengars. There is a vast difference in it.

 

[CHANDRU1849]

we have a friend, an iyengar married to a saiva pillai. son named shiva.

It is the question of marriage between Iyer girl and Iyengar boy and not IC marriage, between Iyengar and NB.