Finding A Match For A Tamil Brahmin

[CHANDRU1849]

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1. Is it a sacrifice? BTW, modern girls seldom like any type of madisAr!

2. Many smarthas have Vaishnavite names, though you may not like it!

Raji Ram

Since Smartha customs accept Vaishnavite Gods also, Smarthas have Vaishnavite name, which is not a new thing.

 

[krish44]

Returning to the subject of the thread after a gap of a week

some more inputs

a question -what should the ideal age difference between boy and girls marrying.

in our days decades back girls accepted boys even 6 -7 years older than them .now the trend has changed . most

educated working girls prefer a maximum of 2-3 years. even same age or few months younger are acceptable to

both.

most girls would like boys to be more educated than them and earning more is a must. Girls would like to look upto

them and find them superior to them in education ,jobs. I tend to think , many do not want want an equal

relationship in marriage.lol

most girls i addition to talking on line on skype etc , would like to do so several times before meeting them

personally face to face. even if boys say yes to marriage, they would like to go out with them separately atleast once to ensure

and be clear what they are getting into.lol

the new generation is wise. they would like to be doubly sure about their mates before going through with

engagement and marriage

 

[krish44]

the period between engagement and marriage is a difficult period.

more for boys than girls. Boys have to be on their best behaviour so as not to damage their image as the ideal husband

material.They need to hide their cigarette packets , ot smell of tobocco , rinse their mouth and brush before

meetings to remove traces of alcohol and dress soberly. also they need to stuff their pockets with money to spend so

that girls should not think they are tight with cash.they should foot all the bills with a smile. I saw a film éngeyum

eppodum'where girl splurges boys money so that he can look decent.lol

similarly girls are more demure , dress in sarees, talk minimal and extract more info out of boys to find out their bad

points . similarly discreetly find out aout prospective inlaws[sister and mother] and degree of attachment of boy to

to them.they also find out food preferances[non veg etc] .and the boys friends [to decide who should not be let into

house after marriage.lol

the longer the period of wait before marriage worser it is for boys

 

[prasad1]

the period between engagement and marriage is a difficult period.

more for boys than girls. Boys have to be on their best behaviour so as not to damage their image as the ideal husband

material.They need to hide their cigarette packets , ot smell of tobocco , rinse their mouth and brush before

meetings to remove traces of alcohol and dress soberly. also they need to stuff their pockets with money to spend so

that girls should not think they are tight with cash.they should foot all the bills with a smile. I saw a film éngeyum

eppodum'where girl splurges boys money so that he can look decent.lol

similarly girls are more demure , dress in sarees, talk minimal and extract more info out of boys to find out their bad

points . similarly discreetly find out aout prospective inlaws[sister and mother] and degree of attachment of boy to

to them.they also find out food preferances[non veg etc] .and the boys friends [to decide who should not be let into

house after marriage.lol

the longer the period of wait before marriage worser it is for boys

Krishji,
AAp to bade hero nikele.
The time between my engagement and marriage was 5 days. It took us two day to travel to wedding site. No time to even think.

 

[Raji Ram]

Well done Prasad Sir!

I have already written about my friend's daughter, who received a mobile phone as a gift from her would-be-hubby,

after the betrothal ceremony and their lo............ng chats were the main reason to cancel the wedding! :blah:

Whether fixed immediately or after some months, it is the 'give and take' policy that keeps a marriage successful ! :thumb:

In Sing. Chennai, it is difficult to get wedding halls and hence the time gap is needed. Many don't opt for a simple wedding

followed by a grand dinner later.

What the groom's parents say: 'nAnga veRa edhaiyum edhirpAkkalE; kalyANam mattum nannAp paNNik kodungO' !

 

[krish44]

Krishji,
AAp to bade hero nikele.
The time between my engagement and marriage was 5 days. It took us two day to travel to wedding site. No time to even think.

well prasadji
I got caught with match box in pocket on first outing after engagement .

I also had to share a drink with office pals [mixed with coke of course] in a corner of reception hall . they had arrived there with quarters and hip flask.Iam talking of course of early eighties

 

[krish44]

Well done Prasad Sir!

I have already written about my friend's daughter, who received a mobile phone as a gift from her would-be-hubby,

after the betrothal ceremony and their lo............ng chats were the main reason to cancel the wedding! :blah:

Whether fixed immediately or after some months, it is the 'give and take' policy that keeps a marriage successful ! :thumb:

In Sing. Chennai, it is difficult to get wedding halls and hence the time gap is needed. Many don't opt for a simple wedding

followed by a grand dinner later.

What the groom's parents say: 'nAnga veRa edhaiyum edhirpAkkalE; kalyANam mattum nannAp paNNik kodungO' !

these days the number of engagements broken are too many.

mostly girls walk off than boys .

parents many time are culprits also-one boys mother overheard the girls mother referring to her as kandamirugam

and telling 'what does this kandamirugam want now from us '. she must have been exasperated with demands from

this lady, of course the marriage got called off for no fault of boy or girl.

recently I got a boy and girl ,both withone engagement called off married to each other, both were wiser after one

broken engagement.both boys and girls families worship me for this good act

 

[Vaagmi]

Some thoughts:

These days people have become wiser after hearing so much from many cancelled engagements and divorces. In our family we engaged a professional detective agency to gather background of a boy. They gave a very informative report. They took pain to find out the minutest details about our concern areas. We engaged them and in the task sheet specified what info we wanted. We gave 1. habits-all habits including smoking, drinking, addictions and week-end activities. We stipulated that the data fed back to us should be credible and the process adopted should also be given in detail. so they gave us info like the day and the time the boy went for a party and how he said no a cigarette when offered by friends in a group of smokers--just an example. 2.Spiritual inclination--whether he goes to temples etc., We also mentioned that the report should include info on whether he is addicted to spiritualism. LOL. 3. We wanted a brief description of his friends-the type, the interests, the habits and dress etc., 4. His image in his office among colleagues. apart from a few other items.

They charged us a fortune but it was worth it.

When we wanted similar info on a girl who was a prospective match for a boy in the family we got a very useful report. They told us the name, address, age and job of the boy with whom the girl was already going steadily for a long time. We told the father of the girl about this discreetly and suggested to him to settle the marriage at his earliest. He was feeling embarrassed first but thanked us profusely. LOL.

 

[Janaki Jambunathan]

Some thoughts:

These days people have become wiser after hearing so much from many cancelled engagements and divorces. In our family we engaged a professional detective agency to gather background of a boy. .

They charged us a fortune but it was worth it.LOL.

Thupariyum Sambu is replacing Josier Vembu!!

 

[krish44]

Some thoughts:

These days people have become wiser after hearing so much from many cancelled engagements and divorces. In our family we engaged a professional detective agency to gather background of a boy. They gave a very informative report. They took pain to find out the minutest details about our concern areas. We engaged them and in the task sheet specified what info we wanted. We gave 1. habits-all habits including smoking, drinking, addictions and week-end activities. We stipulated that the data fed back to us should be credible and the process adopted should also be given in detail. so they gave us info like the day and the time the boy went for a party and how he said no a cigarette when offered by friends in a group of smokers--just an example. 2.Spiritual inclination--whether he goes to temples etc., We also mentioned that the report should include info on whether he is addicted to spiritualism. LOL. 3. We wanted a brief description of his friends-the type, the interests, the habits and dress etc., 4. His image in his office among colleagues. apart from a few other items.

They charged us a fortune but it was worth it.

When we wanted similar info on a girl who was a prospective match for a boy in the family we got a very useful report. They told us the name, address, age and job of the boy with whom the girl was already going steadily for a long time. We told the father of the girl about this discreetly and suggested to him to settle the marriage at his earliest. He was feeling embarrassed first but thanked us profusely. LOL.

I thank myself that I do not have to need to deal with this type of sambandhi.

It is stupid to deal with a family with this type of nosey parents . these will be a nuisance for all lifetime for boys and girls getting married

this kind of parents are a vanishing tribe luckily'

to reject a girl if she has a relationship with someone is ones choice .

but to tell it to her parents is to be condemned.

some think doing such things are their noble duty.lol

 

[krish44]

best relationships are those in which boy and girl marry accepting each other at face value and not digging out their intimate details like relationships ,friends etc to hold it against them.

girls are in late twenties over 25 and boys in thirtees [28-35 etc].

it is utterly stupid to except girls to be virgins and crystal pure or boys to be brahmacharis .

if they are like that they would be poor marriage material in modern days and something should be wrong with them

all have right to have a relationship before marriage . to have it or not is their choice,, some busybody digs into it , he deserves to be beaten as he has violated the privacy of an individual

some try to preach morality to others.

they would be advised to confine it to their family and not pollute the country with their views

 

[Raji Ram]

nalla vELai! Krish Sir oru Ashrama Guru illai!

makkaL thappiththArgaL! eace:

 

[Vaagmi]

posts by krishji the self identified most intelligent parent on earth:

I thank myself that I do not have to need to deal with this type of sambandhi.

It is stupid to deal with a family with this type of nosey parents . these will be a nuisance for all lifetime for boys and girls getting married

this kind of parents are a vanishing tribe luckily'

to reject a girl if she has a relationship with someone is ones choice .

but to tell it to her parents is to be condemned.

some think doing such things are their noble duty.lol

Every one with hard earned wealth, reputation and a family background that can be boasted about will certainly bother about what he brings into his family. May be those who have nothing to lose may not bother because they may themselves have really nothing-wealth, reputation, family background or anything of that sort. Such light weights would better avoid sambandhis like us because their stinking reputation would soon drive everything away including relationships. Thank God I have never allowed such obnoxious creatures anywhere near us.

You are nosey if you go after your neighbours wife/daughter to find out what she does when she goes out. Not when you want to understand the material you are importing into your close-knit family. Stupid people can never understand this.

Try to get a boy or a girl from any well-to-do family in TN at a fairly high level. You will know what it is like.

The parents were told because they were not aware and were seriously trying to fix an alliance. the father said thanks, you saved from more embarrassment. That is the spirit at that level. any way people at the lower level will never get it right.

best relationships are those in which boy and girl marry accepting each other at face value and not digging out their intimate details like relationships ,friends etc to hold it against them.

girls are in late twenties over 25 and boys in thirtees [28-35 etc].

it is utterly stupid to except girls to be virgins and crystal pure or boys to be brahmacharis .

if they are like that they would be poor marriage material in modern days and something should be wrong with them

all have right to have a relationship before marriage . to have it or not is their choice,, some busybody digs into it , he deserves to be beaten as he has violated the privacy of an individual

some try to preach morality to others.

they would be advised to confine it to their family and not pollute the country with their views

Accepting each other at face value is the age old arranged marriage. The modern days are different. The children want to know each other beforehand. I will have to reproduce the whole lot of inanities you wrote favouring such meetings etc.,

The girls in their late twenties and boys in their late thirties are the most demanding ones. They have heard enough and seen enough things happening to friends and relatives.

Who said that the girls should be pure virgins and boys pure brahmacharis? But there should be line drawn somewhere. changing shirt or undies is different from changing relationships. LOL. They will either do an agnipariksha and then only accept women or be so free that they won't mind bringing in a slut.

MG. Next time before opening up the forum site I should keep one bottle full of L' Homme by the side. LOL.

 

[krish44]

vaagmiji
read my post carefully. I said that what you want in your family is your personal choice.

if after investigation ,you did not find someone acceptable, you could walk away from it

to go to girls parent and talk about private life of his daughter is violation of individual privacy of that girl.

you have no right to snoop on a person and talk about it.

I could understand parent of a nRI groom who called of a wedding since girls parents snooped on them after engagement to verify boys antecedents.

If protecting your family honour means digging into private life of another person by dubious methods. it is to be condemned. and to go and run down a girl making allegations , you deserve the harshest punishment

bt the way , I talked about boy and girl transacting with each other before engagement and marriage.

it does not include parents like you out to protect their wealth and so called family honour whatever it might mean

A girl with a relationship is a slut according to you

Have you found out about your own children first.,?

your kind are available in plenty.

their children remain mostly .either unmarried or have dysfunctional marriages

 

[krish44]

nalla vELai! Krish Sir oru Ashrama Guru illai!

makkaL thappiththArgaL! eace:

rajiramji
you do not realise how much india has changed in the past two decades.

most well educated economically independant ladies are demanding basic freedom of choice of mate and on their terms.

we cannot close our eyes to realities and live in a fancy world of crystal pure boys and girls .in late twenties and thirtees.

they do not exist.

it is foolish to expect such people if they exist to accept parents and live with them

this is the crass reality.

take it or close your eyes and live in a dream world

no one likes the harsh truth around them and most would like to liv in a make believe world of their own making

 

[Raji Ram]

Your posts are equivalent to the advt. where women run after a man, just because he sprays a perfume on him!

Totally disgusting! :sad:

 

[kunjuppu]

What the groom's parents say: 'nAnga veRa edhaiyum edhirpAkkalE; kalyANam mattum nannAp paNNik kodungO' !

dear raji, is it still the girl's side footing the entire wedding expense? add to it the cost of the saris and the jewellery. plus various paraphernalia for the mappilai? and not to mention all the household paathrams, mixie, fridge, wet grinder, bed, fan, A/C, car and what not.

sounds unfair to me, in this age, when both are earning, and both will contribute to the set up of a household.

you have also mentioned that the girls are very picky these days, demanding too, and wishing to maintain her parents after marriage.

somehow, the concept of paying for all wedding expense does not jive with the idea of an independent minded girl wishing to take care of her parents, and not live with her in laws after marriage.

please explain.

 

[krish44]

Your posts are equivalent to the advt. where women run after a man, just because he sprays a perfume on him!

Totally disgusting! :sad:

Truth is sometimes bitter and has to be accepted .

if both both boys and girls mostly say that they will find mates that will suit them and tell parents to get lost ,

no sense in not facing it

it might sound disgusting to conventional parents.

they are only exercising their right of choice.

most of these boys and girls are not youngsters but in late twenties and thirtees.

is their aspiration wrong?

I think not

 

[Vaagmi]

vaagmiji
1. read my post carefully. I said that what you want in your family is your personal choice.
if after investigation ,you did not find someone acceptable, you could walk away from it
to go to girls parent and talk about private life of his daughter is violation of individual privacy of that girl.
you have no right to snoop on a person and talk about it.

2. I could understand parent of a nRI groom who called of a wedding since girls parents snooped on them after engagement to verify boys antecedents.

3. If protecting your family honour means digging into private life of another person by dubious methods. it is to be condemned. and to go and run down a girl making allegations , you deserve the harshest punishment

4. bt the way , I talked about boy and girl transacting with each other before engagement and marriage.
it does not include parents like you out to protect their wealth and so called family honour whatever it might mean

5. A girl with a relationship is a slut according to you

6. Have you found out about your own children first.,?your kind are available in plenty.
their children remain mostly .either unmarried or have dysfunctional marriages

krishji,

I have added numbers for convenience.

1. I have read your post alright. What is the individual privacy affected here. Nonsense. I have my right to know about a person as much as possible when I look at the possibility of bringing in that person into my family. Different people do it in different ways. You may inquire with a common relative or a common friend. That is also snooping. The girl can ask you what right you had to make inquiries about her to a third person. You have used the word snooping loosely. I am unable to agree with your views on this. If the girl had a secret personality and if the parents did not know it themselves or did not want me know it, there can not be any fraud which is worse than that. If the girl or boy, for in stance, had manic depression or some serious such illness, don't I have a right to know it? If the girl/boy is given to drug addiction or was an alcoholic don't I have a right to know it? Will it be violation of privacy if I made inquiries in my own way about it? will it be violation of privacy? Can you certify that all parents are so honest and straight forward that they will reveal all these deficiencies in the first instance to the prospective sambandhis? which world are you living in? And we did not talk to any third party about what we came to know and we did not blackmail any one. We told the father of the girl and none else, that too after he asked us why we did not want to take the alliance proposal forward. We were very much within our rights to do that. The father was rather thankful unlike you. Your understanding of good and bad needs a review.

2. I am not interested in discussing incomplete stories.

3. Digging? Stupid. It is gathering info. Dubious methods? What is dubious about that? If you ever applied for a pass port the police will be digging into your past by dubious methods. Go and file a case in court and stop them doing that or get the inspector of police punished. LOL. Do you know the meaning of the English word allegations and the term "run down". Go refer to a dictionary and brush up your language skills by joining some class.

4. Those who do not have the wealth and honour will never understand what they are. It is better to leave them that way. I do not waste my time educating on these.

5. I did not say that. If you can interpret sentences only this way there is no use replying to you.

6. I understand your anger. LOL. Your wishes do not even deserve a denial. Keep wishing and stew in your juice. When something bad happens in your own family remember these words of you.

RRji is right. You are absolutely disgusting.

 

[Vaagmi]

Truth is sometimes bitter and has to be accepted .

if both both boys and girls mostly say that they will find mates that will suit them and tell parents to get lost ,

no sense in not facing it

it might sound disgusting to conventional parents.

they are only exercising their right of choice.

most of these boys and girls are not youngsters but in late twenties and thirtees.

is their aspiration wrong?

I think not

krishji,

when did you become the sole knowledge source of truths.
It appears you are trying to convert all your failures in your family into success by liberally advising members here to follow you. But it is pathetic. LOL.

I do not intend to continue this conversation any further. I will not be responding if you reply. Thanks.

 

[krish44]

vaagmiji
Great people think alike

I too thought I should terminate this dialog with you.

we are different poles .

we can live and let live.

with best wishes

 

[V.Balasubramani]

stupidity of the first order.

Every one with hard earned wealth, reputation and a family background that can be boasted about will certainly bother about what he brings into his family. May be those who have nothing to lose may not bother because they may themselves have really nothing-wealth, reputation, family background or anything of that sort. Such light weights would better avoid sambandhis like us because their stinking reputation would soon drive everything away including relationships. Thank God I have never allowed such obnoxious creatures anywhere near us.

You are nosey if you go after your neighbours wife/daughter to find out what she does when she goes out. Not when you want to understand the material you are importing into your close-knit family. Stupid people can never understand this.

Try to get a boy or a girl from any well-to-do family in TN at a fairly high level. You will know what it is like.

The parents were told because they were not aware and were seriously trying to fix an alliance. the father said thanks, you saved from more embarrassment. That is the spirit at that level. any way people at the lower level will never get it right.

I thought the sharing of stupidity by the member will stop here but he proceeded further and that follows and my reply further follows it. LOL.



Accepting each other at face value is the age old arranged marriage. The modern days are different. The children want to know each other beforehand. I will have to reproduce the whole lot of inanities you wrote favouring such meetings etc.,

The girls in their late twenties and boys in their late thirties are the most demanding ones. They have heard enough and seen enough things happening to friends and relatives.

Who said that the girls should be pure virgins and boys pure brahmacharis? But there should be line drawn somewhere. changing shirt or undies is different from changing relationships. LOL. Stupid oldies will never understand this. They will either do an agnipariksha and then only accept women or be so free that they won't mind bringing in a slut.

This particular oldie is advised to keep his golden advices to himself and not to open his Pandora's box here. It is stinking upto the heavens. OMG. Next time before opening up the forum site I should keep one bottle full of L' Homme by the side. LOL.

Sir,

That was a very thoughtful post.

The coloured portion are golden words deserving appreciation.

Thanks.

 

[Raji Ram]

dear raji, is it still the girl's side footing the entire wedding expense? add to it the cost of the saris and the jewellery. plus various paraphernalia for the mappilai? and not to mention all the household paathrams, mixie, fridge, wet grinder, bed, fan, A/C, car and what not.

sounds unfair to me, in this age, when both are earning, and both will contribute to the set up of a household.

you have also mentioned that the girls are very picky these days, demanding too, and wishing to maintain her parents after marriage.

somehow, the concept of paying for all wedding expense does not jive with the idea of an independent minded girl wishing to take care of her parents, and not live with her in laws after marriage.

please explain.

Dear Kunjuppu Sir,

Actually for the affluent parents, the wedding of their daughter is a prestige issue and they spend lavishly, without any assistance

from the groom's side. Groom's parents also spend a lot on a reception at their place, to show off. In middle class group, a groom gets

a good match only after a very long search. So, they come forward to share the wedding expenses, to which the bride's parents agree

willingly. Recently, a groom's parents paid the entire charges for the photos and videos for the wedding and reception and shared

the wedding expenses too. I see both trends. And the girl makes sure that at least a big chunk of their income goes to her parents.

Right now those who have daughters are lucky!

 

[krish44]

let us talk of something else pleasanter.

How to write a profile in a matrimonial site to get maximum hits.?

first , the profile should match the maximum numberof profiles of opposite sex and appeal both to the young and the

old.

,one should for example choose Moderate instead of liberal[suiting the young] and Orthodox[liked by conservative

parents] while choosing lifestyle values.this satisfies both.

always choose caste no bar which gets you the maximum eyeballs even if you are a casteist and protective of your

caste.it sends a message to youngsters that you think like them.

complexion -do not choose very fair or dark .place yourself midway -fair which might mean anything.

always say veg in food preferences . Add eggetarian if your conscience troubles you.

languages known, write tamil , hindi ,english though not 100 percent proficient for all india and international appeal.

other languages optional . do not overdo it . many add german,french if they are aiming foreign mate and show they

are upmarket

for food choices -people write chinese, north indian ,mexican even if you like only sambar ,rasam platemeal or chapathi.this is considered sophisticated

for music add carnatic or western even if you like ilayaraja and rehman . parents like carnatik music types as it

conveys you are conventional

next in specs height if you are a girl 5-5'3 -opt only for boys upto 5'6 or 5'7, if you are more, opt 5'7 to 6'plus.

Age -do not choose more than 3-4 years older and even same age is OKif you are a girl. same age guys make the beat friends. Do not marry a mama looking guy. Saves

a lot of time later in filtering profiles.

Photos -this is the most important . Get recent photos , full length and one passport well groomed from a studio

Pl do not use pohtos taken home or used for college application form. photos are a big turn off for most. people do not

care about it .most get rejected on this alone as it is a big turn off for most .A badly shot posted photo decides the fate of many

more in my next post

 

[Janaki Jambunathan]

let us talk of something else pleasanter.

How to write a profile in a matrimonial site to get maximum hits.?

first , the profile should match the maximum numberof profiles of opposite sex and appeal both to the young and the

old.

,one should for example choose Moderate instead of liberal[suiting the young] and Orthodox[liked by conservative

parents] while choosing lifestyle values.this satisfies both.

always choose caste no bar which gets you the maximum eyeballs even if you are a casteist and protective of your

caste.it sends a message to youngsters that you think like them.

complexion -do not choose very fair or dark .place yourself midway -fair which might mean anything.

always say veg in food preferences . Add eggetarian if your conscience troubles you.

languages known, write tamil , hindi ,english though not 100 percent proficient for all india and international appeal.

other languages optional . do not overdo it . many add german,french if they are aiming foreign mate and show they

are upmarket

for food choices -people write chinese, north indian ,mexican even if you like only sambar ,rasam platemeal or chapathi.this is considered sophisticated

for music add carnatic or western even if you like ilayaraja and rehman . parents like carnatik music types as it

conveys you are conventional

next in specs height if you are a girl 5-5'3 -opt only for boys upto 5'6 or 5'7, if you are more, opt 5'7 to 6'plus. Saves

a lot of time later in filtering profiles.

more in my next post

Simple - Hype or Give Cosmetic Cover or both!

I got a profile of a girl for my elder son The girl 's parents are known to us well But this I got by email The Girl studied in Vikasa Matriculation school run by Madura Coats - This is presented like this - She did her schooling in a prestigious public school run by Coats Vialla of UK and had a good laught at this attempt to glorify her scooling!! In fact None of my children joined this school reason - its lower ranking!! They sent this probably they could not identify us by email id! Irony is that the girs mother took over that school when it was for sale! and now she is out of that also started a new school here - Trading in education!