i think the opening post of this thread, if not meant seriously by the author, would have been a good candidate for black humour 
i think, long gone are the days, when one could threaten, scold, anger, anguish, beg, or blackmail one's son or daughter, to submission. there are many factors, of which all of us are familiar, - ie education, urban life, changed and constantly changing mores, technology, and above all, often left unsaid, the double values and hypocracy of the parents.
many of the lectures of the parents, i think, are born out of fear. fear of the unknown. what if my child marries out of caste? what will then happen to me? will i be left in the streets in my old age? will i lose respect within my family and friends? will my dil behave the same way my mother behaved to my wife (the traditional mil dils)?
it would have worked in my generation. my mother would have gone through all loops and hoops, to prevent me, not only marrying out of caste, but to insist that i marry the girl of her picking (i did!). fear of authority worked then. i dont know if the situation is the same now.
also, there were few role models then. now we have not only public figures, but almost in atleast one family that we know, one oddity - ie someone single for life or IC/IR marriage. funnily enough the children of the IR/IC marriages of yester years, many of them are in the arranged marriage market. not sure how these are faring in our caste jadhagam 'respect' driven society - i mean not just us tambrams, but other tamil hindus.
if at all anything, i have come to understand, thanks to neeya naana, that the rigidity of caste is firm with most of the rural and NB groups, than us. it has been mentioned in a couple of NN episodes, that tambrams are very liberal in their attitude re IC marriages. to someone expecting an armed posse, the prospect of a slammed door, should indeed, appear liberal, i guess.
whatever it may be, i think, the focus should be getting involved and understanding our children from age zero. as they move on in the world, our influences shrinks, but it is at these times, our challenges increase, in keeping pace to continue our friendship and exchange of ideas.
the best gift, a son/daughter can give to his/her parents, at any age, is 'trust'. trust does not appear by itself. it has to be earned by the parent. each family situation is different, but you know that you have lost the trust of your child, when you hear something pertaining to him or her, from someone else. your child simply does not think you are 'worth it'. that is indeed a harsh rejection, and a rejection, that many parents cannot handle. so they deny it absolutely, or blame the world media friends books internet facebook and cellphone.
nary a moment, do they stop, to blame themselves.
instead, they resort to, 'Shevuta kati rande Kuduppa, everything will be alright'. good luck to them.
pity the kids for having to put up with such ignorant parents. neanderthals.
i think, long gone are the days, when one could threaten, scold, anger, anguish, beg, or blackmail one's son or daughter, to submission. there are many factors, of which all of us are familiar, - ie education, urban life, changed and constantly changing mores, technology, and above all, often left unsaid, the double values and hypocracy of the parents.
many of the lectures of the parents, i think, are born out of fear. fear of the unknown. what if my child marries out of caste? what will then happen to me? will i be left in the streets in my old age? will i lose respect within my family and friends? will my dil behave the same way my mother behaved to my wife (the traditional mil dils)?
it would have worked in my generation. my mother would have gone through all loops and hoops, to prevent me, not only marrying out of caste, but to insist that i marry the girl of her picking (i did!). fear of authority worked then. i dont know if the situation is the same now.
also, there were few role models then. now we have not only public figures, but almost in atleast one family that we know, one oddity - ie someone single for life or IC/IR marriage. funnily enough the children of the IR/IC marriages of yester years, many of them are in the arranged marriage market. not sure how these are faring in our caste jadhagam 'respect' driven society - i mean not just us tambrams, but other tamil hindus.
if at all anything, i have come to understand, thanks to neeya naana, that the rigidity of caste is firm with most of the rural and NB groups, than us. it has been mentioned in a couple of NN episodes, that tambrams are very liberal in their attitude re IC marriages. to someone expecting an armed posse, the prospect of a slammed door, should indeed, appear liberal, i guess.
whatever it may be, i think, the focus should be getting involved and understanding our children from age zero. as they move on in the world, our influences shrinks, but it is at these times, our challenges increase, in keeping pace to continue our friendship and exchange of ideas.
the best gift, a son/daughter can give to his/her parents, at any age, is 'trust'. trust does not appear by itself. it has to be earned by the parent. each family situation is different, but you know that you have lost the trust of your child, when you hear something pertaining to him or her, from someone else. your child simply does not think you are 'worth it'. that is indeed a harsh rejection, and a rejection, that many parents cannot handle. so they deny it absolutely, or blame the world media friends books internet facebook and cellphone.
nary a moment, do they stop, to blame themselves.
instead, they resort to, 'Shevuta kati rande Kuduppa, everything will be alright'
. good luck to them. pity the kids for having to put up with such ignorant parents. neanderthals.
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