Pl don’t listen to wrong people/wrong advise !!

[kunjuppu]

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If the children will not share their problem with their loving parents, :tape:

I doubt whether they will share it anyone else...:nono:

especially to those who can send the feedback to their parents. :gossip:

Each person has to face his own problems, fight his own wars and win his own victories.

Life is not a bed of roses for everyone... barring the lucky few!

visa,

every parent, including myself, think that we are 'loving'. but it is the kids, who may not think so.

parenting is never 100% right, and it is a 'good' parent, who can get 'pass marks' when evaluated by their children. that is why none of us seeks this feedback from our children, and even if we did, the children may not tell you the whole story.

i have a friend, who says, that we repeat our parents' lives. so when we were young and bringing up our family, our reaction to crisis, day to day affairs and mundane stuff, was probably nasty and uncouth, because that is what we learned from our parents. how many of us, consciously understood each situation, and changed our behaviour, to something more in tune, with the then current day norms.

it is amazing, when i see the behaviour of indian parents and children the world over - no matter how many generation removed, it is the same, across all nationalities (or very similar). the parents shout, the mothers run after the children with the food, the fathers spank etc etc..quite different from white folks or chinese.

so, i think, it is wrong to say, that if kids not confide to 'loving' parents, they wont confide to anybody. they probably have friends or in laws they may feel more comfortable.

all i am saying, is we as parents, need to analyze ourselves, and understand how our kids view us. not as what we imagine how we are.

 

[prasad1]

visa,

every parent, including myself, think that we are 'loving'. but it is the kids, who may not think so.

parenting is never 100% right, and it is a 'good' parent, who can get 'pass marks' when evaluated by their children. that is why none of us seeks this feedback from our children, and even if we did, the children may not tell you the whole story.

i have a friend, who says, that we repeat our parents' lives. so when we were young and bringing up our family, our reaction to crisis, day to day affairs and mundane stuff, was probably nasty and uncouth, because that is what we learned from our parents. how many of us, consciously understood each situation, and changed our behaviour, to something more in tune, with the then current day norms.

it is amazing, when i see the behaviour of indian parents and children the world over - no matter how many generation removed, it is the same, across all nationalities (or very similar). the parents shout, the mothers run after the children with the food, the fathers spank etc etc..quite different from white folks or chinese.

so, i think, it is wrong to say, that if kids not confide to 'loving' parents, they wont confide to anybody. they probably have friends or in laws they may feel more comfortable.

all i am saying, is we as parents, need to analyze ourselves, and understand how our kids view us. not as what we imagine how we are.

Mr. K,
Well written post.

Every older generation thinks they had the best values. I am sure their parents would tell a different story. I am sure the newer genration will say a similar story.

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

ref#50
Dear Mr. kunjuppu,

If everything remains the same everywhere in the world,
as far as people are concerned, then they must be in the genetic code.

Nothing much can be done.

I doubt whether a man or woman would confide their problems to an in-law or an out -law.
Well let them confide to any person they trust more.
If the parents are not in that list, again nothing can be done.

God is in his heaven and
All is right with the world!

 

[C RAVI]

Dear Ravi,

You are so innocent!!

Do you think every married person got a 'true spouse with true sense'??

This appears like searching for water in a mirage!!

Picture courtesy: Google images.

I am just being optimistic about possible future spouse!!!

No one is 100% perfect BUT attitude matters a lot..

 

[C RAVI]

A rare commodity! It all started when we started aping the West!


"The generation Y seems to have lost respect for elders. They are blindly aping the western culture where elders

are considered to be the interfering radical. Massive cultural erosion is corrupting the innocent minds of the young.

They seemed to have lost sanctity for all relationships and are leading a self-conceited life.The young brigade lives

for itself and throws everything else to the wind.

For them, life is a huge party and in their bid to party hard, they are, unconsciously ruining their life. No matter how

much the parents try to ward them off the bad track, the peer pressure is so much that they succumb to it and follow

the herd mentality."


Source: 'Youngsters are blindly aping the western culture' - Indian Express

Spot on!!!

Happy to note your active participation in threads like this..

 

[C RAVI]

When we give a man a fish, we feed him for one day.

When we teach him how to fish, we feed him everyday.

I believe that it is the duty of every parent to see that the child is able to think on

his own, make his/her own decision and tackle the problems which may rise.

We can't be spoon-feeding and guarding/protecting them all our lives.

More independent the children... the more successful the parents!

BUT, When??

Right parenting does not allow a child to explore on his/her own and decide the actions, right from the beginning of the growing process.

There is a considerable time and the ability of the child that has to be taken into account.

The foundation and pillars should be strong enough for a child to venture into self exploration and decisions. They need to be monitored and supported by the parents at the right time, during their process of learning, achieving self dependency and self decision making.

More than School education, children need a lot at home to learn and they need to be transparent with their parents.

When children are well equipped we can rest assured of their decisions and actions with all their liberty. They may go wrong too in their decision but they would know why, where and how they were lacking and what can be the best way out and what can be subsequently done.

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

dear Mr. Ravi,
A good parent will hover over like a guardian angel in the background,
ready to rush to help whenever necessary,
without remote controlling or squeezing or brainwashing or bashing.
My parents never beat any of us five siblings.
Mom might rap on the head occasionally but dad never raised a finger to punish us.
None of us punished our children physically.
They listen to reason and logic while we were making decisions.
That will guide them throughput their lives.

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

I am just being optimistic about possible future spouse!!!

No one is 100% perfect BUT attitude matters a lot..

True to the core! :thumb:

You may see a person either :decision:

as 50% perfect or

as 50% imperfect!!!

 

[C RAVI]

dear Mr. Ravi,
A good parent will hover over like a guardian angel in the background,
ready to rush to help whenever necessary,
without remote controlling or squeezing or brainwashing or bashing.
My parents never beat any of us five siblings.
Mom might rap on the head occasionally but dad never raised a finger to punish us.
None of us punished our children physically.
They listen to reason and logic while we were making decisions.
That will guide them throughput their lives.

Shmt.VR,

Right parenting does not need beating up.

Right parenting with love, care and considerations does not leads to beating up the children.

Yours and your siblings can not be taken as an example to talk about all. Children are of different nature. Their learning process are influenced by the environment at home and the external environment/factors.

Many children are too stubborn and are not ready to listen to their parents to know the pros and cons of the given situation and just want to stick to their own. Such things creates a lot of issue for themselves, for their siblings and for their parents.

Stern parenting is certainly required to keep such children in order, the importance of which the child can realize later if not at present.

How you deal with your children, as parents, depends on the nature of the children as well. In some cases parents need to be stern and that can be the right way of guiding such children. Beating up and harshly punishing need not be the option in strictly dealing with the children.

Some children need to be rescued from being spoilt children by their parents. Otherwise, they will have the toughest and costliest lessons of their life!!

 

[Raji Ram]

If my parents had listened to their parents, probably they will still be tilling some land in TN. If I did not break the tradition, I would still be living in India. If status quo is maintained for "cultural integrity" we would be stagnent, and suffering. Progress happens when you break the mold.

Dear Prasad Sir,

About four decades back, a tambram youngster got a medical representative job after his graduation in Chemistry.

He had an elder brother who had just stepped into engineering college and two younger brothers. Since his father

was not earning much, he took up that job and educated all his three brothers before getting married to my friend.

Such person can NOT be seen now a days. Bank loans will be taken and guys leave for overseas countries for studies.

This is a good change indeed. Nobody wants any sacrifices in the family for his / her sake and they don't have any

intention to repay anyone except the bank!!

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

dearv Mr. Ravi,
Stern parent NEED not necessarily mean bashing blue and black.
There is one easy to remember formula for the role of the parents.
Father must be stern and gentle.
Mother must be gentle and stern.
So the Father is stern without being harsh.
The Mother is gentle without giving in to every whim and fancy.

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

ref# 58

Some children need to be rescued from being spoilt children by their parents. Otherwise, they will have the toughest and costliest lessons of their life!!

வெள்ளத்தால் அழிந்தவர்களைக் காட்டிலும்
செல்லத்தால் அழிந்தவர்கள் அதிகம்

More people are destroyed by the parental pampering
than those destroyed by surging flood water.

 

[Jaykay767]

visa,

every parent, including myself, think that we are 'loving'. but it is the kids, who may not think so.

parenting is never 100% right, and it is a 'good' parent, who can get 'pass marks' when evaluated by their children. that is why none of us seeks this feedback from our children, and even if we did, the children may not tell you the whole story.

i have a friend, who says, that we repeat our parents' lives. so when we were young and bringing up our family, our reaction to crisis, day to day affairs and mundane stuff, was probably nasty and uncouth, because that is what we learned from our parents. how many of us, consciously understood each situation, and changed our behaviour, to something more in tune, with the then current day norms.

it is amazing, when i see the behaviour of indian parents and children the world over - no matter how many generation removed, it is the same, across all nationalities (or very similar). the parents shout, the mothers run after the children with the food, the fathers spank etc etc..quite different from white folks or chinese.

so, i think, it is wrong to say, that if kids not confide to 'loving' parents, they wont confide to anybody. they probably have friends or in laws they may feel more comfortable.

all i am saying, is we as parents, need to analyze ourselves, and understand how our kids view us. not as what we imagine how we are.

wow, now forget about reprimanding the kids to bring them up as responsible adults, parents have to now introspect, analyze, understand how kids view them.

while we are at it, why don't we conduct a opinion poll & ask for a rating from the kids !! what a joke ?,.

so many kids are ruining their lives by not marrying at the right age, & living a lonely life with no one to care for in their old age. so lets give them more freedom, never reprimand them, always love them like sugar leading to this disease.

Many daughters beyond 35+ are unmarried today & since they cannot conceive anymore after this age, they will mostly remain unmarried forever. Instead of reprimanding these idiot daughters & sons to marry at the right age, people here want to ask for opinion poll to rate their popularity - LOL !!!

 

[KRS]

Dear sri Jaykay767 Ji,

Where do you get the idea that women can not conceive anymore beyond the age of 35? They can till menopause.

By the way, a person who is stupid when young, is going to be stupid when old. Unfortunately many parents who fall in to this category, beget bright children . Your assumption that a parent knows best is not correct, in my opinion.

Regards,
KRS

wow, now forget about reprimanding the kids to bring them up as responsible adults, parents have to now introspect, analyze, understand how kids view them.

while we are at it, why don't we conduct a opinion poll & ask for a rating from the kids !! what a joke ?,.

so many kids are ruining their lives by not marrying at the right age, & living a lonely life with no one to care for in their old age. so lets give them more freedom, never reprimand them, always love them like sugar leading to this disease.

Many daughters beyond 35+ are unmarried today & since they cannot conceive anymore after this age, they will mostly remain unmarried forever. Instead of reprimanding these idiot daughters & sons to marry at the right age, people here want to ask for opinion poll to rate their popularity - LOL !!!

 

[Jaykay767]

Dear sri Jaykay767 Ji,

Where do you get the idea that women can not conceive anymore beyond the age of 35? They can till menopause.

By the way, a person who is stupid when young, is going to be stupid when old. Unfortunately many parents who fall in to this category, beget bright children

. Your assumption that a parent knows best is not correct, in my opinion.

Regards,
KRS

Dear KRS,

Just dial your nearby hospital & ask if they would recommend any lady beyond 35+ yrs to conceive, you will get the answer. It has a lot of complications, & child may be born retarded, autistic etc...

Nothing to do with Parents knows best. Ancient wisdom coming down the ages through our parents, grand parents knows best !. It has saved the lives of millions, has stood the test of time for 1000s of generations.

In the new age tidsy bidsy time passer wisdom, all these issues are coming up. In the name of freedom, so many idiot sons & daughters are throwing away their lives & parents are distraught seeing such disasters.

Even at the face of such disasters, you have people coming up with all these suggestions of loving & taking a opinion poll.

Parents need to decide either they want freedom + life down the drain for their kids OR reprimand them to ensure they get married, well settled & live a proper life.

 

[KRS]

Dear Sri Jaykay767 Ji,

You said that 'women beyond 35 CAN NOT CONCEIVE'. You did not say that 'women beyond 35 should not conceive, because of high probability of genetics oriented problems for the off springs".

Our ancient system worked till the early part of 1900s. It was because, kids were married off very young, sometimes even before their teen age years. Horoscope matching came in to play then, because losing a husband (they did not worry that much about losing the wife then), was the worst thing for the families concerned and the girl. Your statement in OP, came because these were children.

Now as you know, we are talking about adult off springs. The story is completely different. I bet, if you approach these children with dhandam, as you advise, the majority of parents will be holding the proverbial bag. It does not matter that the vaunted system worked for all those years, but it won't work anymore because the world as we knew it has completely changed.

Regards,
KRS

 

[KRS]

Dear Sri N.Guruprasad Ji,

This topic has been discussed extensively in our past threads - please search and find.

Regards,
KRS

Would like to know about kaupeenam, i heard that its required for brahmins,if so may i learn from you any of forum friends ? in coimbatore now, anybody in coimbatore so as to learn that

 

[palindrome]

Back in time, women delivered all the way until menopause (because contraceptives were not available then). It depends on the health of a woman, rather than age, as it always has been.

 

[KRS]

Dear Srimathi VR Ji Madam,

I agree that USA has a percentage of poor. But, I believe, to be poor here, it takes effort. The only people who are poor here are the ones who do not want to work. If one works, even in jobs that pay the minimum, one can have a roof and food.

The illegal immigration mainly from Mexico and folks in that community who normally work very hard, often below the government set minimum wages, are not in the defined category of poverty.

There are incentives here to be 'poor', what with the government giving even cell phones freely to those defined as 'poor'.

I would not comment on your statement about people living like animals, except to say that there is a social policy and a culture that is dependent on the largess of the government are the reasons.

I see no fault in people choosing to live in any country. I think that our ancient wisdom of one's soul's development through the scale of 'Dharma', 'Artha', 'Kama' and 'Moksha' applies. I think, USA in general is a 'Dharma', 'Artha' country. I define 'Kama' as attachment, and so I think India is a 'Kama', 'Moksha' country. These, I base on the current overall culture.

But, one should realize that this roughly corresponds to the Maslow's hierarchy of human needs' in one life, applicable to multiple births.

In my opinion, only if one experiences affluence, one has the truth when they eschew it and embrace the alternative life style. I do not put much stock in poor people bad mouthing affluence in their current janma as the truth - except I do not know where they are in their individual soul development cycle I cited above.

For me, I love both USA and India - this perhaps means that I am somewhere between the stages of Artha and Kama in my cosmic development cycle!

Regards,
KRS

The grass is always greener on the other side.

Everything has it plus point and minus points.

U.S.A is not the heaven on earth.

I have seen homeless people, unwed moms,

child mothers and people living like animals.

yes I mean Meet, Mate and Part without any guilt.

 

[prasad1]

Dear sri Jaykay767 Ji,

Where do you get the idea that women can not conceive anymore beyond the age of 35? They can till menopause.

By the way, a person who is stupid when young, is going to be stupid when old. Unfortunately many parents who fall in to this category, beget bright children . Your assumption that a parent knows best is not correct, in my opinion.

Regards,
KRS

I like your post.

To an extent the foolishness of the children is inherited, if not by the genes at least by the environment at home.

 

[C RAVI]

Dear Sri Jaykay767 Ji,

Now as you know, we are talking about adult off springs. The story is completely different. I bet, if you approach these children with dhandam, as you advise, the majority of parents will be holding the proverbial bag. It does not matter that the vaunted system worked for all those years, but it won't work anymore because the world as we knew it has completely changed.

Regards,
KRS

Shri KRS,

Who is suggesting old parents to approach these grown up adult children at 30-35+ with dhandam?

In a story in the OP, dhandam just worked out in favor. Might have failed too and might have even back fired in any of the verities of worst manners.

The mentality of parents, their way of upbringing, their life style etc. plays a major role in incorporating right perception and attitude in the growing children. Imparting values of many aspects of human life and enabling them to understand what and how the things are important in one's phases of life etc..through out the growing process provides considerable positive impact in children's mind set, perceptions and understanding the gist of human life.

Thus, stick and carrot approach matters a lot for the betterment of growing children as, when and if needed.


How world is changing? Who is changing the world?

If this changing world is changing inevitably and need to be accepted by all, why law and order is under stress? Why there is a lot expected properly from law and order?

Every day in and day out there is a struggle going on to establish safe, non-deceitful and descent living among all the humans. Why such an effort when it is never ending? People may say, it is just to control to some extent. But, why should there be a need to control when we want to agree that Humans would act as wild as animals as how were they in the beginning as cave men, inspite of understand and agreeing with the evolution process that has so far attempted towards refinement in human living?

The point I am coming to say is, the world will keep changing for which we would be responsible. Let the world be changing in any way, why should we go along the wrong flow, accepting the drastic changes and let our children caught in no where?

It is the responsibility of all the parents towards their own children and that of other children, to always let them grow and evolve for better and not to get back to the crude living styles of the by gone days. What we gonna achieve by justifying the crude life style of today by citing crude living style of cave men?

Is this what we wanted through all these evolution phases?

 

[KRS]

Dear Sri C.RAVI Ji,

Who is suggesting? Please read these lines from OP:

So when it comes to parenting, do exactly like out grand parents/parents did. Just forget the love shove crap, kids have to come up in discipline.

See, all of you need to understand, kids unfortunately do not have the wisdom at that age, it comes from experience. If as parents people don’t advise their kids, then they will go astray !! that advise many times, will come only when you do a “Shevuta kati… dressing down”..

I equate 'dressing down' to 'dhandam'.

Regarding your other argument:

Why do we think today that 'cave man' living is bad? It obviously worked at that time, otherwise, we will not be here as their descendants.

What changed is the ever evolving culture, shaped by external influences. Unless a culture adapts to these external macro forces affecting the society, it will die. There are great examples about this in history, too numerous to describe here.

Intellectually and value wise, there is no difference between, let us say the Tambrham culture or the Farsi culture. Both are though are adapting to changes in times. Cultures change according to the demands of changing times. But if one does not change his/her style of living, though it is very admirable, the result will be heart wrenching. Please read a short novel by Chaim Potok 'My name is Asher Lev' to understand this.

By the way, I have no issues with folks following orthodoxy and traditions and in fact I admire the true followers devoid of any social misdoing. I am just stating the obvious, in terms of how a changing world affects that lifestyle.

Please don't kill the messenger !

Regards,
KRS

Shri KRS,

Who is suggesting old parents to approach these grown up adult children at 30-35+ with dhandam?

In a story in the OP, dhandam just worked out in favor. Might have failed too and might have even back fired in any of the verities of worst manners.

The mentality of parents, their way of upbringing, their life style etc. plays a major role in incorporating right perception and attitude in the growing children. Imparting values of many aspects of human life and enabling them to understand what and how the things are important in one's phases of life etc..through out the growing process provides considerable positive impact in children's mind set, perceptions and understanding the gist of human life.

Thus, stick and carrot approach matters a lot for the betterment of growing children as, when and if needed.


How world is changing? Who is changing the world?

If this changing world is changing inevitably and need to be accepted by all, why law and order is under stress? Why there is a lot expected properly from law and order?

Every day in and day out there is a struggle going on to establish safe, non-deceitful and descent living among all the humans. Why such an effort when it is never ending? People may say, it is just to control to some extent. But, why should there be a need to control when we want to agree that Humans would act as wild as animals as how were they in the beginning as cave men, inspite of understand and agreeing with the evolution process that has so far attempted towards refinement in human living?

The point I am coming to say is, the world will keep changing for which we would be responsible. Let the world be changing in any way, why should we go along the wrong flow, accepting the drastic changes and let our children caught in no where?

It is the responsibility of all the parents towards their own children and that of other children, to always let them grow and evolve for better and not to get back to the crude living styles of the by gone days. What we gonna achieve by justifying the crude life style of today by citing crude living style of cave men?

Is this what we wanted through all these evolution phases?

 

[C RAVI]

Dear Sri C.RAVI Ji,

Who is suggesting? Please read these lines from OP:


I equate 'dressing down' to 'dhandam'.

Shri.KRS,

In your post no.65, address to Shri.Jaykay, you said that, approaching the adult off springs with dhandam would be back firing. For that, I said, in the OP, this dhamdham fortunately worked for better and that, this story in OP need not to be considered as advice to all the old parents as how to handled their adult off springs. Because, in majority of cases it will be back firing the parents in various manners.

Regarding your other argument:

Why do we think today that 'cave man' living is bad? It obviously worked at that time, otherwise, we will not be here as their descendants.

What was then to say that it worked well at that time. There was not much considerably to say that it was ideal for that time. We evolved to achieve proper living with bad experiences of those day.

What changed is the ever evolving culture, shaped by external influences. Unless a culture adapts to these external macro forces affecting the society, it will die. There are great examples about this in history, too numerous to describe here.

True!! BUT, only those culture would continue to survive in a proper shape that has adopted the change without leading to sever negative impacts and deterioration. The others would get to the square one where cave men were surviving.

Intellectually and value wise, there is no difference between, let us say the Tambrham culture or the Farsi culture. Both are though are adapting to changes in times. Cultures change according to the demands of changing times. But if one does not change his/her style of living, though it is very admirable, the result will be heart wrenching. Please read a short novel by Chaim Potok 'My name is Asher Lev' to understand this.

Almost all the communities have adopted the changing world!! Humans would continue to cope up or get tempted to adopt with what is prevailing around no matter to which community they belong to. The changes have devastated many families belonging to all these culture. The question is what sort of changes you have accepted and what you have ignored? This makes the great difference in who you are now and gonna be in future. If every one adopts all the changes and go away from the frame work of family and society, then all gonna be going back to the square one, unanimously on one fine day!

By the way, I have no issues with folks following orthodoxy and traditions and in fact I admire the true followers devoid of any social misdoing. I am just stating the obvious, in terms of how a changing world affects that lifestyle.

If one don't adopt the changing trend of live in relationship, choosing to be a single parent by begetting a child out of wedlock, etc..etc, it doesn't mean that one is stuck with some rigid orthodoxy and they need to be admired as some odd men out, standing alone as a fool, but need to be respected for his/her personal convictions in line with his/her orthodoxy.

Please don't kill the messenger !

Regards,
KRS

]

I am not

 

[kunjuppu]

wow, now forget about reprimanding the kids to bring them up as responsible adults, parents have to now introspect, analyze, understand how kids view them.

while we are at it, why don't we conduct a opinion poll & ask for a rating from the kids !! what a joke ?,.

so many kids are ruining their lives by not marrying at the right age, & living a lonely life with no one to care for in their old age. so lets give them more freedom, never reprimand them, always love them like sugar leading to this disease.

Many daughters beyond 35+ are unmarried today & since they cannot conceive anymore after this age, they will mostly remain unmarried forever. Instead of reprimanding these idiot daughters & sons to marry at the right age, people here want to ask for opinion poll to rate their popularity - LOL !!!

kids in my terminology, means adult grown up children here in this context.

you may be one who believes your parents were 100% right in bringing you up, and maybe you will follow the same formula. and maybe your grownup children will do likewise.

i think, this causes many ill adjusted and dysfunctional families. when we have children, we need to discuss with our spouses, the best habits of both the households, and bring them into practice. and avoid the worst.

it is not that i practised it. it takes two to tango, and i will tell you, in an arranged, many things are status quo. there is not much room for change of behaviour. which is unlike a love marriage, i mean a mature love marriage, where there is unity of ideas and goals and thoughts.

i would suggest again, instead of being sarcastic, you can contribute with solid counter arguements. so far all you have suggested is violence - physical or verbal. i think those will not work in the long term for most folks.

indian parenting indeed has come a long way. yesterday's parents did not have to deal with internet or cell phone or co ed workspace or financially independent daughters. now to try to whack them into marrying some bozo because her biological clock is running out, i wonder, if that would be convincing enough to a modern woman. she would just walk out, and her parents, dependent on her income for the luxuries of life, would chase after her. you bet!

 

[C RAVI]

indian parenting indeed has come a long way. yesterday's parents did not have to deal with internet or cell phone or co ed workspace or financially independent daughters. now to try to whack them into marrying some bozo because her biological clock is running out, i wonder, if that would be convincing enough to a modern woman. she would just walk out, and her parents, dependent on her income for the luxuries of life, would chase after her. you bet!

True!!

BUT, do you think each and every girl is not a bozo? That each and every girl is above the qualification, intelligence and financial strength of each and every guy on this Earth?

Sir, the problem arises when a girl expects everything that other girl could get no matter where she is in comparison to that other girl.

Life can not be lived that way, Sir!

A girl as a human, born and brought up in a hut in a slum area can also wish to marry a guy in suit coat, tie, shoes etc working for a MNC company. I will not condemn that girl or any girl for that matter. But, such slum dwelling girls understand who she is and where she is and finally makes up her mind to marry some one with whom she can have her life journey. The not so well educated slum girls are also working and are financially independent to the extent to take care of herself BUT marries a suitable guy of a similar standard, wishing to have her own family with a kid and to strive to live a better life along with her husband.

You your self have admitted the truth, some time ago, in some thread, that, in America and Canada even educated and decently working ladies marries a cab driver. Is that such ladies are actually bozo and that's why have married bozo guys?

The problem in our TB society is, almost every girl wants the best in her marriage no matter who she is. She just wants the same or almost near to same of what her cousins, friends and others in her neighborhood got. These girls, counting on their expectations continue to remain single and may mostly end up remaining single ever. Fortunately they become more matured and intelligent to convince themselves that - they are far better to be single and independent, rather marrying a bozo.