Women and engineer problem in marriage

[prasad1]

Share:

Facebook X (Twitter) LinkedIn WhatsApp Email Share Link

No body changes another person's pov. One can hope to influence others pov, but can not impose it.
I am lucky that I had an arranged marriage, and married well above my level. If I have to fight in the present market I am afraid it would be difficult. I was not trained in the art of wooing girls, actually we were kept apart by society.

 

[KRS]

Dear Sri Prasad1 Ji,

you said:

I am lucky that I had an arranged marriage, and married well above my [COLOR=#DA7911 !important]level[/COLOR]

I am with you on this! Except in my case, it was not arranged, but I did do just what you described. My feeling is that if most men dare to admit, this would be the case.

Regards,
KRS

 

[prasad1]

Relationship Study Finds Link Between Depression And Unsupportive Spouses

When it comes to your mental health, it's true that being alone is better than being in bad company, according to a new study from the University of Michigan.


Psychiatrist Dr. Alan Teo, who led the study, found that people with unsupportive or critical spouses were significantly more likely to be depressed than people who were not in a "steady, marriage-like relationship."

Relationship Study Finds Link Between Depression And Unsupportive Spouses


So people who are single (by choice or otherwise) can claim that they are happier. It all boils down to your perspective on life.

 

[kunjuppu]

Dear Shri Ravi,


The world has its own way of correcting extremes and it has its own pace of doing it. Modern man fails to understand this and interferes in his ignorance with the working of nature and just like a pestering dog getting a solid kick from a mighty elephant, man also gets the reward for his unwise interference with the mighty nature. This is my humble view.

very true.

 

[renuka]

My only suggestion (to you) is that even a husband or male having one or two gunas less should be made eligible to get or keep a wife!

Dear Sangom ji,

Yes you are right...no one in this world actually can have all 6 gunas as mentioned.

Anyway who wants that 6 wordly gunas!LOL

Aren't we all supposed to get the Supreme 6 gunas to qualify as a Bhagawan?

 

[biswa]

Dear Sri Ravi Ji,

If I may intrude, please.

Just my opinion.

This world is built on a single axion : SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST.

The most basic and the fundamental quality of any human being on earth is to survive, and survival starts with self and then to adding progeny.

From this one can construct a model to explain our predicament on this topic today.

Regards,
KRS

KRS ji,

Yours is not an opinion, it is a fact. I was actually reading the book that most mammals including man establish a pecking order. The alpha males dominate the tribe and collect most of the females for mating. Lions, horses, sea lions, Arab sheikhs, every body tries to maintain a harem.

The non-dominant males lose out on mating opportunities and eventually their reproductive systems shut down. Of course that doesnt seem to be the case with humans.

 

[renuka]

Shri Ravi,


I am not clear about what you are referring to
when you talk about "These ways and means can give them sexual satisfaction without cheating
on some one and without being scared of exploitation in hands of some one."

Dear Sangom ji,


It is simple...not complicated.

One just needs a good internet connection and a safe and secure place with no CCTV/spy cam around for a simple Pooja.

The Istha Devata being Sunny Leone!

 

[biswa]

Renuka,

For equal opportunity/no discrimination, you also need to think about the gays amongst us. Here is the premier gay icon Imran Khan:

Unfortunately, he himself is straight and already married...

 

[renuka]

Renuka,

For equal opportunity/no discrimination, you also need to think about the gays amongst us. Here is the premier gay icon Imran Khan: View attachment 2686

Unfortunately, he himself is straight and already married...

Dear Biswa,

The Chikna type of guy.

 

[Karthik681]

I'm realizating the world through the puranas and it gives brillant answers for todays events and give a caution note.

Take for instance the dance of shiva at Thillai forest, both shiva and shakti dance, at the end shiva lift his leg up, shakti can, but out of respect she does not lift her leg.
The message here its possible for equality of both sexes, but for love, it needs to compromise with respect with another.

I'm not saying this as I'm a man, but the puranas there to guide us.

In Mahabharat, its women that caused destruction and brought down families.

real reason of Mahabharata war | Sulekha Creative

we don't need a blog to show it , if one reads mahabharat fully and understand its message, then you know the root cause.

 

[tbs]

No body changes another person's pov. One can hope to influence others pov, but can not impose it.
I am lucky that I had an arranged marriage, and married well above my level. If I have to fight in the present market I am afraid it would be difficult. I was not trained in the art of wooing girls, actually we were kept apart by society.

hi
very true....even im the same boat......when i had arranged marriage.....i had more than 50 offers.....in different mediums...

but i was in love at that time...i rejected many.....but i got rejected my love too...so failure in the love is success in life...

even after my marriage.... i got more than 10 offers....


If I have to fight in the present market I am afraid it would be difficult.

 

[renuka]

even after my marriage.... i got more than 10 offers....

LOL!


You must be some Manmatha Rasa....you see if a married guy is still getting offers that too 10 offers after marriage..that is certainly not arranged marriage proposals..so it has to be proposals coming to you from people who are attracted to you.

TBS Garu...so kindly train the young unmarried boys here how to attract girls like you do.


BTW just to add...even after I got married I had an arranged marriage offer!LOL

That time I was working in another private clinic and my son aged 2 then.
I was 32 years then.

One nice elderly Indian couple who were my patients used to tell me about their son who had just graduated from medical college and they were looking for a bride for him.

I thought they wanted my help to look for a doctor bride for him.

Then they approached a senior Indian nurse and they were telling her about looking for a bride for their son and I could hear the nurse saying outside the room "aiyooo.. she is married and has a 2 year old son and she is 32 and not young like your son"

Then I asked my nurse what was going on and she told me that the elderly couple wanted the nurse to tell me that they wanted to propose their son for me!

The next day the elderly couple came to see me again and said sorry cos they said they thought I was not yet married.

So TBS Garu..I only had 1 marriage proposal after I got married but you had 10!LOL

I salute you!

 

[sarang]

When my inlaws had short listed me for their tall daughter, I noticed one of their relatives always jostling to stand by my side, so that all concerned could check my 'relative height' to the girl and ensure conformance without asking inconvenient questions!

Dear Renu,

Very true! When Ram's niece who is 5' 9" tall had a good alliance form a well educated groom,

her father told her to mention her height as 5' 7" because he feared that the groom who was

5' 10" might reject her! They are happily married and now their kids are in college!

 

[tbs]

LOL!


You must be some Manmatha Rasa....you see if a married guy is still getting offers that too 10 offers after marriage..that is certainly not arranged marriage proposals..so it has to be proposals coming to you from people who are attracted to you.

TBS Garu...so kindly train the young unmarried boys here how to attract girls like you do.


BTW just to add...even after I got married I had an arranged marriage offer!LOL

That time I was working in another private clinic and my son aged 2 then.
I was 32 years then.

One nice elderly Indian couple who were my patients used to tell me about their son who had just graduated from medical college and they were looking for a bride for him.

I thought they wanted my help to look for a doctor bride for him.

Then they approached a senior Indian nurse and they were telling her about looking for a bride for their son and I could hear the nurse saying outside the room "aiyooo.. she is married and has a 2 year old son and she is 32 and not young like your son"

Then I asked my nurse what was going on and she told me that the elderly couple wanted the nurse to tell me that they wanted to propose their son for me!

The next day the elderly couple came to see me again and said sorry cos they said they thought I was not yet married.

So TBS Garu..I only had 1 marriage proposal after I got married but you had 10!LOL

I salute you!

hi
LOL..thanks

 

[KRS]

Dear Sri Biswa Ji,

Thank you for validating my opinion.

It just breaks my heart to see so many of our youngsters unhappy, not being able to start a family. There are other ways to start a family, if only their survival instincts kick in, overcoming man made obstacles.

Regards,
KRS

KRS ji,

Yours is not an opinion, it is a fact. I was actually reading the book that most mammals including man establish a pecking order. The alpha males dominate the tribe and collect most of the females for mating. Lions, horses, sea lions, Arab sheikhs, every body tries to maintain a harem.

The non-dominant males lose out on mating opportunities and eventually their reproductive systems shut down. Of course that doesnt seem to be the case with humans.

 

[palindrome]

Lack of brides maybe indigenous to specific communities or specific regions presently. But except Kerala and Pondicherry (where there are excess females available per 1000 males), the rest of the country has fewer females per 1000 males. Currently Haryana, Delhi and Chandigarh are the most affected. However, appears the problem may become widespread in other places also, over time.

In China, one child policy has resulted in excessive males. Some claim entire villages there have no female children. It is apparent in future they are going to have a big problem (some rumor to handle this, men will be enlisted in droves in military ranks and may be sent to acquire new territories; that way the country can put them to good use for their self-benefit. Maybe that is a contributing reason why PLA is growing the way it is, and may become the world's largest army and a very sophisticated one too).

In an increasingly competitive world maybe all of this is nature's way of ensuring survival of the fittest. If one wants progeny the best bet wud be to junk all man made differences and heed for Kerala and Pondicherry, where with luck one may find a bride.

 

[XLR8R]

With respect to post #185 of renukaji:

1)Girl should be highly educated and earning well.

Yes, I do expect this solely because the girls also expect this; and because this is in the best interest of any future children. I also expect her to keep working till it is possible and she will have my full support for this.

2)Good looking

But this is subjective; good looking to you may not be good looking to me, etc. - so I'd actually call this a non issue as different people have different preferences; so everyone has an equal chance in the end.

3)Most will want fair skinned girls

Not really....a good girl is important; one who is responsible and well-mannered, not necessarily skin tone. Of course; I speak only for myself.

4)Must still be a traditional girl in dressing.

As long as she wears something that is acceptable to society and kids at large; I am cool with it. Just none of those miniskirts after marriage in public - come on; that's just plain immature: you're not 17 anymore

Guys do not want change..they want a traditional "housewife" types of girl with a career.

Not true; I am prepared to help out with housework as I truly believe in the equality concept - if she works like me; I must cook and do housework like her.......

The problem is that girls have a hard time believing this from me. In fact; many cannot accept guys existing with modern thinking such as mine

So you see..one has to expect some changes in meals and life style...one can only make 100% traditional meals when we have lots of time like on weekends.

I actually feel that if the wife works; it is the husband's duty to adapt and help her out in the kitchen and for housework. I personally would because I'd know my wife is very tired from working all day and would like to comfort her as much as is possible (plus: more effort = better work).

a tambra gal problem is different from others esp in sing. chennai.....

I still think this is not just limited to tabras. Many tamil and malayali girls I met are of this "free ticket" mentality. The problem is that they assume too much. Girls of other states also have this mentality but warm up a lot after learning the guy can actually help with housework and believes in equality: Not so with the tamils and malayalis; they seem to firmly believe in achieving success on the shoulders of a more accomplished man....

It is just my observation over the years.

I remember having a discussion with a girl five years my senior about marriage and she iterated her need to be close to her family and I said that it is not necessary that you have to move in with the boy and it can be the other way around also in the age of equality. The Marathi girl was significantly pleased when I said that either the husband and wife should be at a place close to both families; or the families must make an arrangement such that one child stays close to the parents and the other is "given away" in marriage (irrespective of gender). IMO this is the best solution. However; saying this to a tamil or malayali girl still doesn't change her attitude even one bit.....they are more rigid in their opinions than others IMO.

TB girls are like some Rakshasis and TB guys are like Lord Rama.

In all fairness I think both sides are unwilling or reluctant to make compromises and that is what has led to the current situation. I find too much rigidity in the TB community at large. TB guys need to try harder to convince the girl.....money is a factor but it is not the factor for most girls, I know this from experience. Some good dialogue will sort it out but it isn't happening for whatever reason.

sadasivam.sridharan[/URL]]There is an actual case where the father of a girl turned down a marriage alliance with a boy of same cast with perfect matching of horoscopes just because the boy is a MCA graduate ( university rank holder) and his darling daughter is a BE from one of remote engineering colleges mushrooming all over tamil nadu.No amount of counselling by a well meaning mediator explaining the boy's academic achievements, his top notch professional standing in a reputed MNC with many BE and M.Tech graduates working under him ,his handsome salary and perks did not convince him a bit.He got his daughter married to a BE graduate of moderate income.After the marriage the girl finally landed in the job under the same MCA boy whom her father considered as inferior as for as the educational qualification is concerned.

I have seen this in non-Brahmin Tamils as well.....this is a problem with how you have raised the girls. It is significantly lesser the further you move north (where the salary and qualification/job matters more than the name of the degree) or even east. Did you know, for example, that M.Tech Computer Science and M.Sc Computer Science are mostly the same courses with only the name and eligibility changed (if you don't believe me, check the syllabi)....It is stupid to even think that one is better than the other, but nobody seems to make an effort to clarify the facts (like I mentioned, dialogue problem....)

If the parents of boys start learning this bitter lesson the earlier the better. Otherwise there will be very many unmarried boys of 50 or even 60 among the tabras, very soon, who are unhappy because they could not taste sex.

Well, when this happens; it will happen to the future generations as well and the women themselves will see the prices of their own folly.....it is cyclic....if the men suffer; the women will too invariable and vice versa. One can just reject arranged marriage altogether and start marrying non-Tamils; that might just put the women on alert mode if done in a large enough scale.....

But frankly; I feel dialogue is necessary and urgent between tabra boys and girls. Too many misconceptions about each other and about gender roles in general going about!!!

Dear RR ji,

You are right about the height part...you see girls surely want a man taller to us by at least 4 -5 inches so that if we wear [COLOR=#DA7911 !important]high heels​

the guys wont be shorter to us.​

Definitely not true.....just ask me....

There are ways to compensate all flaws. Just need to find them and master them

Hence, there is nothing that can be told to the girls who

are continuing to hold on to their unreasonable demands at their age of 30-35+ and better chose to remain single rather making reasonable compromises before its too late.

Such women have believed this for many years. An interested male should put forth effort to shake them out of it. One of the greatest things about being 30+ is that the voice of reason plays a very important role in anything you do and if you put enough of an effort their reason will speak to them and help you out (from my experience). Put forth the effort; show them things can be good even if the male isn't to their expectation; show them a couple of new things along the way which they would not have known about or expected. At 30+ they do care about you as a person a lot more than they do at 20+.....

It just breaks my heart to see so many of our youngsters unhappy, not being able to start a family. There are other ways to start a family, if only their survival instincts kick in, overcoming man made obstacles.

Not getting a wife won't stop me....there are so many needy kids without parents; if I don't get married I'll simply adopt and raise them as my own (and also raise them to get rid of these evil gender misconceptions).....who says you need to get married to have a good family life? Sure; it's a lot more effort, but the one who wants to do it will put in that effort. Not being married doesn't mean I shouldn't move on.....at least I will have given a new lease of life to some poor kids while at the same time proving to society I am not that bad a parent after all.... [/COLOR]

 

[Raji Ram]

Lack of brides maybe indigenous to specific communities or specific regions presently......

I don't think that is the reason because ALL the weddings do not happen with a community or region, now a days!

Higher education, career ambition, need to support parents are few of the reasons why girls postpone their weddings.

In the previous generation the age difference was even a decade in a few cases and men married around their 30s.

Now the girls want guys in their own age group and so boys feel very old when they hit 30!!

 

[biswa]

Cmon Ms RR, 30 is the new 20!

 

[Raji Ram]

Cmon Ms RR, 30 is the new 20!

I guess so!

P.S: Whatever pains our parents developed, come to us one decade earlier!!

 

[renuka]

Dear RR ji,


I agree with Biswa..30 is the new 20 cos you see even though I am 43 years old...I am very sure I do not behave and think like a 43 year old of my parents era.

When I was 17 years old and my mum aged 43 then..I remember she was never like me at all.

Times have changed..we are getting younger as we get older!LOL

 

[palindrome]

I don't think that is the reason because ALL the weddings do not happen with a community or region, now a days!

Agree. Male to female sex ratio is getting skewed everywhere. One divorcee found luck when he found a bride from Kerala (maybe influence of movies like Vinnaithandi varuvaaaya or Ye maaya chesave nowadays Kerala is a very preferred destination for brides); and he said malayalee girls are a tad dominating but are excellent homemakers (and i thot i figured why he is one happy guy ) Also, in this generation as long as a guy or girl finds someone of their wavelength, appears they are increasingly just not bothered about religion. Elders require good health insurance plans.

 

[Raji Ram]

........ When I was 17 years old and my mum aged 43 then..I remember she was never like me at all.

Times have changed..we are getting younger as we get older!LOL

Very true Renu! I think of my mom too!

She would never wear a churidhar ever in her life but I do even after celebrating my 'maNi vizhA'! :lol:

 

[Raji Ram]

...... . Elders require good health insurance plans.

Very true!

 

[tbs]

Very true Renu! I think of my mom too!

She would never wear a churidhar ever in her life but I do even after celebrating my 'maNi vizhA'! :lol:

hi RR madam,

now many pattis wearing churidhar in sing chennai....many pattis wear nighties through day and night in chennai....

here paatti means grandmas.....