Referring to the scripture based on absolutely out dated society with
different life style and expectation, you are forming your own views and finding fault with
present time guys and their parents.
I request you to come out of this views of your generation (and past generation) and get into
the ground realities, breaking all the mental blocks.
It is not in good taste to use such past dated societal scriptures of yore so as to to put present
time guys and their parents in bad picture and instilling negative impressions about boys and
their parent in girls mind, aggravating them and NOT letting them realize what's wrong on their
part.
Without doing any harm in your attempt to downplay and nullify the ground realities of marriage
market Kindly do favors to these girls and their wailing and helpless parents!!
Shri Ravi,
I was not talking about the past (But I disagree that those kinds of social set up are "outdated";
they still exist but not among TBs, that's all.). I know a few cases in which TB boys and their
parents had/have been thinking on these lines and they have been letting others know also of
their hopes, though not in such clear and simple terms. A few isolated instances of TB boys
got a girl earning well - mostly in the IT sector jobs - and such cases are held up as
examples of "God will not let us down because we have not done any harm to
anyone", "If one door is closed, God throws open ten doors elsewhere", etc., and thus
the outdated hopes are kept burning bright, and 'hoping against hope' sustained by such people.
In those isolated cases referred to above, more often than not the concerned boy and his parents
have come to accept today's reality and agreed to the marriage, mostly as per conditions set out
by the girl's side, but guests attending the marriage and/or acquaintances giving a small party
at their home to the newly married couple, do not come to know all the details.
Shri Ravi, You seem to be carry the strong impression that today's girls are under some sort of illusion
and that this makes them wait for a marriage as per their dreams, etc. Even in cases where the girl's
parents may be wailing and helpless (in pesuading their daughter to change her mind towards
the kind of boy she will marry) it is my experience that girls will not listen to any such outside
advice. (In fact why would they do, when they do not want to listen to the advice/suggestions
from their own parents themselves?) Hence expressing views in a forum which forms just a
small nook of the very vast web space, will not be of any effect in changing the mindset of
present day girls in the marriage market, especially those who are well qualified and earning
well, imo. Your method is akin to the popular saying கொக்கின் தலையிலெ வெண்ணை
வெச்சு...(kokkiṉ talaiyile veṇṇai veccu...), I feel. The girls today are wise enough to realize what
all after-effects will there be, for their post-poning the marriage.
Let us not, therefore, mislead ourselves with a feeling that by or through this internet forum
we can bring about any social change / change in the mindset of people.
To taste sex guys have many ways and means. These ways and means can give them sexual
satisfaction without cheating on some one and without being scared of exploitation in hands of
some one. I am only concerned about single girls who too are mere human being!!
I find that generally the tabra boys are very wary of going to CSVs and the most important
reason they give is the fear of STDs and AIDS. I am not clear about what you are referring to
when you talk about "These ways and means can give them sexual satisfaction without cheating
on some one and without being scared of exploitation in hands of some one."
Single girls who delay their marriages must be doing so after weighing all the pros and cons and that
will include the aspect of sexual enjoyment also. May be there is no need for us to feel so much
about such decisions. Additionally, even from the past records of our tabra society, we find that
there were numerous child widows (who were partially ostracized from all society and
strictly prohibited from even talking freely to men, till these widows reached a ripe old age)
and women who opted to remain unmarried throughout their lives. It appears to my limited
understanding that women were (and still are) able to control their sexual urges more effectively
than men.
Disappointment in marriage can take place with any one. No one wish to remain single
expecting possibly getting dashed to utter ruins and being reduced to the position of lap dogs.
As well, I have come across the stories of many happily married couples for years getting
separated based on accusation on each other and that of well established, lavishly living
couples coming to roads.
The current problem among tabras especially, is, in my limited knowledge of recent cases, exactly
how you have put it, viz., "No one wish to remain single expecting possibly getting dashed
to utter ruins and being reduced to the position of lap dogs." But in many cases tabra boys realize
only after the marriage that they are no longer able to replicate the old-style married life which
they have grown seeing, may be their parents, uncles, aunts, and so on. Some of the boys cannot
put up with this and the marriage comes to a crisis and eventually the case goes to the Family Court;
some boys understand the new equations and adjust themselves and so such marriages seem to outsiders
as "happily married couples". The law also acts as a great obstacle in some cases for the husband getting
a divorce (sharing of assets 50-50 is now before a Cabinet sub-committee but since India is almost always
copying its laws on the US model, I feel this also will become law shortly unless Shri Mulayam Singh opposes!!
Since the "empowerment of women" is a comparratively new phenomenon in India and since we do
not have the substrate of a religion like Islam (unlike M'sia) on which our Parliamentary Government is
built upon, we find that women now realize their rights and older women feel how much they had been
deprived. In some cases this results in marital discord even among old-age couples forcing them to
approach the court.
Having given empowerment to women, it is futile to expect them to tow the line of early marriages,
non-refusal of pregnancy etc., I feel, because ultimately the Law of the Land will favour the woman's decision only.
eace: 
