Women and engineer problem in marriage

[renuka]

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Try asking me again when I'm 30 about this?

Life is in flux....today I might consider myself mature; that might probably change 5 years down the line.

Yes ...I agree with you.

I have no idea why everyone wants to be mature??

Why can't we just be ourselves?

I always feel being matured = boring.

One tends to look older too if one tries to act too matured.

I feel each one of us is a child inside still but many just put up a front to appear sophisticated.

When I was a junior doctor I used to work with a bunch of senior doctors who at that time were around 40-45 years and they used to act so so sophisticated and they would tell us 'oh young ones when you are our age you will mature like us"

I used to think 'No Never..will I want to be like this bunch of boring females"

I am 43 years this year and I am glad that I am not like them and in fact there is a possibility that I am getting immature as I age..but that's the fun part! Ha Ha Ha

 

[C RAVI]

Guys, don't get confused with being light hearted, jovial and remaining cool with that of behaving immaturely like a kid.

Maturity has nothing to do with being serious, harsh, too diplomatic, getting older etc.etc..

Maturity necessarily has nothing to do with outward appearance.

Being serious, introvert, too formal etc. and being jovial, extrovert, fun loving etc are just different shades of individual human's personality.

Maturity has to do with -

1) Give in in a reasonable way to some one to keep some one happy/satisfied/relaxed.

2) The capacity to correctly consider the priorities that would not put others in trouble or in such a way that the other would not be let to feel offended.

3) The capabilities to be sensitive to others feelings and emotions while one self is down.

4) Considering others mistakes in right perspective, in a given situation and not insulting them. Not taking a chance to have some fun out of others mistakes.

5) Forgetting and forgiving. At least not holding on vengeance

6) Keeping away from undesirable/troubling individuals rather keep on poking them, teasing them, insulting them and indulging in back biting.

7) Composing one self such a way that one can willingly appear to be a fool/ignorant to the other (when he/she is really not) rather demonstrating the skill to the extent that the other feel humiliated and insulted in front of others.

8) To be reasonably selfish and reasonably stubborn ONLY to ensure that, by this the near and dear ones gonna be really benefited.

9) Compromises, adjustments and support that paves ways for every one's betterment.

10) Being prudent and knowing when, where and how the truth can be disclosed. Telling lies that can avoid many harms to happen.


All the above 10 points (may be some more) are the qualities that human develops in due course of his/her life. The whole process of life helps one acquiring the above qualities depending of one's individuality. These qualities may be found as inborn tendencies in some that starts showing up from their young age and progress towards refine tuning. Fine tuning such a way that the person learns to differentiate between being Just full and being Fool/Dumb and being at receiving end.

These are the points that many humans lack no matter how old they grow.

Humans can well work towards such maturity while continuing to be jovial, expressive, extrovert, fun loving and cool minded.

 

[C RAVI]

Here are two profiles I got in my mail box (names edited!)

1. 2.

A boy (!) nearing 35 and a girl (!) nearing 33, both settled in Malaysia have different goals! :thumb:


P.S: If this guy goes to the U S of A by the grace of a girl, can he expect her to be a 'responsible householder'??

Shmt.Raji Ram

Evey one have their check-list based on their wishes/expectations. Given the present social and legal scenario, every one seem to be interested in fulfilling their dreams no matter what can be the possible negativity BECAUSE Divorce comes handy and there are plenty of divorcees to pick one for a second/subsequent attempt.

 

[renuka]

Maturity has to do with -

1) Give in in a reasonable way to some one to keep some one happy/satisfied/relaxed.

2) The capacity to correctly consider the priorities that would not put others in trouble or in such a way that the other would not be let to feel offended.

3) The capabilities to be sensitive to others feelings and emotions while one self is down.

4) Considering others mistakes in right perspective, in a given situation and not insulting them. Not taking a chance to have some fun out of others mistakes.

5) Forgetting and forgiving. At least not holding on vengeance

6) Keeping away from undesirable/troubling individuals rather keep on poking them, teasing them, insulting them and indulging in back biting.

7) Composing one self such a way that one can willingly appear to be a fool/ignorant to the other (when he/she is really not) rather demonstrating the skill to the extent that the other feel humiliated and insulted in front of others.

8) To be reasonably selfish and reasonably stubborn ONLY to ensure that, by this the near and dear ones gonna be really benefited.

9) Compromises, adjustments and support that paves ways for every one's betterment.

10) Being prudent and knowing when, where and how the truth can be disclosed. Telling lies that can avoid many harms to happen.

Dear Ravi,


Good I agree with all what you wrote.

Ok lets have a check list:

1) Give in in a reasonable way to some one to keep some one happy/satisfied/relaxed.

Well I think we females do this all the while..sometimes not that we like we are doing but it is easier to give in to avoid conflict after all only for this life we know everyone.

2) The capacity to correctly consider the priorities that would not put others in trouble or in such a way that the other would not be let to feel offended.

Yup...agreed..cos we would not want landing up in jail cos of hurting someone or someone else landing up in jail becos of us...Karma yaar..we need to watch what we do..

Would not want any idiot landing up as my Karmic partner in a next life..so better to give and take.

3) The capabilities to be sensitive to others feelings and emotions while one self is down.

We females do this all the time..even when we are sad or down we are supposed to hear other out..so its a reflex for us. No problems in this.

4) Considering others mistakes in right perspective, in a given situation and not insulting them. Not taking a chance to have some fun out of others mistakes.

Oh this is simple..say what ever we want and just put a disclaimer below what we say or if online just type LOL or put a smiley..so it wont hurt anyone.

5) Forgetting and forgiving. At least not holding on vengeance

Yes you are right..love all and serve all... gays,lesbians included.

6) Keeping away from undesirable/troubling individuals rather keep on poking them, teasing them, insulting them and indulging in back biting.

This is easy to follow in real life but hard to follow online! Ha Ha Ha

7) Composing one self such a way that one can willingly appear to be a fool/ignorant to the other (when he/she is really not) rather demonstrating the skill to the extent that the other feel humiliated and insulted in front of others.

Most of us are fools( me included) to start with..so no need to act ignorant...just be ourselves will do the job.

8) To be reasonably selfish and reasonably stubborn ONLY to ensure that, by this the near and dear ones gonna be really benefited.

Does not make sense..how to be selfish and stubborn and others benefit from it??

9) Compromises, adjustments and support that paves ways for every one's betterment.

Yes..this makes sense not No 8.

10) Being prudent and knowing when, where and how the truth can be disclosed. Telling lies that can avoid many harms to happen.

True..especially for girls..never disclose to husband how many boyfriends one had before marriage.

Guys might think they will disclose to wife to show wife that he is sincere and also sometimes to show that he was not a person who was not desired by girls but the wife could be laughing inside thinking "Oh he only had 1 girlfriend and he thinks he is a Manmatha?"LOL



Analysis: Going by Ravi's 10 commandments of maturity I have scored 9/10 cos I did not agree to point No 8.

So therefore I am 90% mature!

 

[Raji Ram]

Try asking me again when I'm 30 about this?

Life is in flux....today I might consider myself mature; that might probably change 5 years down the line.

Very true, 'excellent writer'!

After all, the 90 + kids are back to adult diapers!! :thumb:

 

[tbs]

Since TBS garu is getting younger at heart..so we will dedicate the remix version for him!LOL

TBS garu this is for you...


[video=youtube_share;k4PMUZ055vc]http://youtu.be/k4PMUZ055vc[/video]

hi renu,

thanks....

அம்மா ரேணு......நோக்கு தெரியுமோ ,,,,,,வடமாளுக்கும் ப்றேச்சரணம் ஒத்துக்காது ....

வடமாளுக்கும் வடகலைக்கும் ஒத்துக்காது ......ஆகையால் பிரமனால் ஆத்து சமசரம்

உனக்கு புரியாது .....வேண்டுமானால் ராஜி மாமியிடம் கேட்டுக்குங்கோ....

 

[biswa]

Try asking me again when I'm 30 about this?

Life is in flux....today I might consider myself mature; that might probably change 5 years down the line.

I think you are quite mature. You should consider marrying somebody 5 years older than you.

But that means you need to start searching now, if you want to marry somebody less than 30!

 

[renuka]

hi renu,

thanks....

அம்மா ரேணு......நோக்கு தெரியுமோ ,,,,,,வடமாளுக்கும் ப்றேச்சரணம் ஒத்துக்காது ....

வடமாளுக்கும் வடகலைக்கும் ஒத்துக்காது ......ஆகையால் பிரமனால் ஆத்து சமசரம்

உனக்கு புரியாது .....வேண்டுமானால் ராஜி மாமியிடம் கேட்டுக்குங்கோ....

TBS garu,

I am having a tough time understanding what you wrote...

all I can make out is you are telling me that vadakalai/vadama and thenkalai will not get along or see eye to eye..and this fact I wont really understand..and to ask Raji madam for some explanation"

TBS garu...next time write in English yaar...I read tamil kind of slow and that too might not understand what I am reading also sometimes...

 

[Raji Ram]

T B S Sir,

The sub-sects are not a big deal now because so many I C and I R weddings happen!

The brahmin parents are happy if their son in law or daughter in law is a brahmin!

Even otherwise, most of them accept the selection in the love marriages! There is no other way!

 

[sadasivam.sridharan]

IC marriages are accepted probably after lot of persuasion,blaming ones fate etc. IR marriages are still opposed and in many cases end up in broken relationship.

 

[kkumar29]

IR marriages are still opposed and in many cases end up in broken relationship.

I am just curious as to how you came to this conclusion. I have been married for more than 35 years and mine is an IR marriage. I know some other members in this forum and elsewhere whose marriage is IR, without any broken relationship.

Many TB marriages also end up in broken relationship, but for the sake of defending one's family honor is swept under the carpet and the couples stay together. I can give numerous examples from my own family circle.

I guess people create facts as they go along

K. Kumar

 

[biswa]

I guess statistics dont serve as proof in either direction. I know of some ICMs which failed, some recently. That set me wondering whether there were additional stresses in those marriages.

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Biswa Sir,

If one of the newly weds finds it difficult to adjust to the new environment, the relationship tends to break.

But it happens in any wedding. Divorce is no more a stigma and the level of toleration has come down!

Even for silly reasons, divorce is sought.

But, in a few weddings, the couple live happily ever after, without visiting their parents! :tsk:

 

[biswa]

Raji madam,

I agree with you in several respects. However here is my question. Nowadays, not many wives agree to stay with the boy's parents. The newly married couple stay separately and create their own environment. And speaking from personal experience, the woman controls 80% of that environment. So how much adjustment would be necessary? And anyway I think men can adjust more easily than women.

Of course I know many ICMs I know are still going strong, so there is no hard-and-fast rule here.

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Biswa Sir,

Time has changed and the financial freedom that women did NOT get in the previous generations is there for the

new generation. And they have two trump cards viz. 'police complaint' and 'divorce'. Now, guys are actually scared!

An elderly lady asked the orthodox type mother, 'Will your daughter give a happy and peaceful life to our boy?'

Ane she replied, 'It all depends how YOUR boy behaves!' So.......... That is the position. :thumb:


Many parents of guys buy their air tickets to the U S of A but the tickets of the girl's parents are bought by the guy

because those parents come only to 'help' the girl!! Such is life.........

 

[renuka]

Nowadays, not many wives agree to stay with the boy's parents. .

Yes! This is the type of Daughter In Law I hope I will get.

I really cant stand suffocating type of living where the whole world in under one roof at home.

We lose our privacy and at times we are forced to behave.

As we grow older we value privacy..in fact since I look after my parents and not my brothers...I stay near to them some 20 minutes away...I dont mind that arrangement but I wont want to stay with my parents either cos my mum is very strict!LOL


I have only 1 requirement for my future DIL.


1)The moment my son and her get married..move out of the house and stay on their own.
So my advise to them would be that look for a house a few months before marriage..so the moment they get married they are on their own.

 

[renuka]

An elderly lady asked the orthodox type mother, 'Will your daughter give a happy and peaceful life to our boy?'

Ane she replied, 'It all depends how YOUR boy behaves!' So.......... That is the position. :thumb:

Dear RR ji,

The answer is perfect..stupid questions should get stupid answers.

I remember once when one guys family came to view me..my mum served them tea and the boys father noticed that I was not drinking tea and he asked me why I was not drinking tea.

I told him I dont drink tea or coffee and only drink milk.

Then he asked me how I managed in India all these years and I was thinking "what a dumb ass..doesnt he know India has abundance of cows?"

So I told him "India is full of cows..so there is no problems to get milk"

And then he said "how were you so sure that you drank cow's milk and not buffalo's milk"

By this time I was already getting pissed..so I cooked up some story and told him that my medical college has a veterinary department too and every morning we students recite suprabhatam and watch the cows being milked.

Then he kept quiet cos he knew that I was pissed with him..so you see ask a stupid question ..you will get a stupid answer!LOL

 

[Raji Ram]

........ Nowadays, not many wives agree to stay with the boy's parents. .....

In many tambram families, the sons are in foreign countries and they must enjoy / suffer the 'thani kudiththanam' only!

The new trend in tambram girls living in India is that if at all they relocate, it should be some foreign country.

If the husband works in India, he HAS to relocate.

 

[renuka]

In many tambram families, the sons are in foreign countries and they must enjoy / suffer the 'thani kudiththanam' only!

The new trend in tambram girls living in India is that if at all they relocate, it should be some foreign country.

If the husband works in India, he HAS to relocate.

Dear RR ji,

I feel once USA gets full of people that relocated from India..next couples will relocate to other planets!

I dont know what is the big deal about foreign husband...I have had a few friends from India who are super rich and yet they wanted guys from abroad esp USA..they said its a matter of pride to have a foreign husband.

These girls are nuts..they are super rich in India ..when you can be King in your land why go to USA and start from the scratch and not live like a King??

 

[Raji Ram]

........... These girls are nuts..they are super rich in India ..when you can be King in your land why go to USA and start from the scratch and not live like a King??

Dear Renu,

The one word answer to your Q is 'FREEDOM'!! :dance:

 

[sarang]

In a recent vaishnava magazine, there were three entries for brides wanted with no special requests. There were six entries for grooms wanted; three girls with US connection - studying or working, and want grooms from US or has capacity to move to US. The balance three did not make any special demands.

In many tambram families, the sons are in foreign countries and they must enjoy / suffer the 'thani kudiththanam' only!

The new trend in tambram girls living in India is that if at all they relocate, it should be some foreign country.

If the husband works in India, he HAS to relocate.

 

[renuka]

Dear Renu,

The one word answer to your Q is 'FREEDOM'!! :dance:

Dear RR ji,

In a way you are right...during mys stay in India for each action of mine I needed to think 10 times before executing it and that included modifying dressing to make sure the locals did not get the wrong idea about us (cos people tend to be judgmental in India).

Further more some males there tend to have Sahasralocana(1000 eyes)..that is they love to stare at girls especially if dress is slightly revealing.

In Malaysia even though we are a Muslim country.. we can still walk around wearing shorts or mini skirts or revealing clothes and no one will stare at you.

So there is freedom to dress the way we like here.

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Renu,

Not many tambram girls in the U S of A, especially those who have gone after their wedding, wear any revealing

dresses. By 'FREEDOM', I meant that no elder will be around to control them which often happens, if they live with

the in laws here! Some girls specifically ask for a groom settled in the U S of A with roots in India!

 

[Haridasa Siva]

Dear RR ji,

In a way you are right...during mys stay in India for each action of mine I needed to think 10 times before executing it and that included modifying dressing to make sure the locals did not get the wrong idea about us (cos people tend to be judgmental in India).

Further more some males there tend to have Sahasralocana(1000 eyes)..that is they love to stare at girls especially if dress is slightly revealing.

In Malaysia even though we are a Muslim country.. we can still walk around wearing shorts or mini skirts or revealing clothes and no one will stare at you.

So there is freedom to dress the way we like here.

Renu,
If a girl/lady walks around wearing mini skirts or shorts or revealing clothes and still she does not get a stare from a man, then either the man does not know how to "admire" "pleasant looks" or the girl/lady does not really "reveal" anything. Ha Ha Ha .
:boom:

 

[sarang]

If indian politicians pass the anti rape act, even staring will become a non bailable offence. Sharad yadhav, janata dal leader is very much against this clause, as it is against (hu)man nature - how can a boy find a mate to love, if staring is banned?

Eve teasing, voyeurism and marital rape are all important issues in the proposed anti rape bill.

Renu,
If a girl/lady walks around wearing mini skirts or shorts or revealing clothes and still she does not get a stare from a man, then either the man does not know how to "admire" "pleasant looks" or the girl/lady does not really "reveal" anything. Ha Ha Ha .
:boom: