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Women and engineer problem in marriage
- Thread starter Karthik681
- Start date
- Status
SangomJi,
If that is really the case and tabra girls are the devils in disguise themselves, then I completely fail to understand why tabra boys do not look elsewhere, where they will be more valued as a people. If according to pretty much all the moaners in this site, the tabra girls don't want tabra boys, what will the boys and their family get by moaning on and on, ranting on about nasty tabra girls. IMHO its more productive to look elsewhere. If the tabra girls can and do, why not the boys.
renuka
Well-known member
Dear Renu,
One of Ram's friends rejected a proposal from a handsome guy with a handsome salary, for his daughter,
just because he was chewing pAn parAk continuously! P P seems to affect 'that' desire in men, according to him!
OMG RR ji,
Who wants a person who chews Pan Paraag?
It reminds me of all those guys who visit dance houses chewing Pan Paraag and smelling the jasmine flowers tied around their wrist!
sangom
0
Smt. Renukaji,
As a medical doctor, do I need to tell you that normally it is not the good-physiqued males who can think of emulating Krishna (16008 wives) to some marginal extent at least, even in their heydays? On the contrary, I have found thin, wiry (being lean, supple, and vigorous) type of men who are successful with (in seducing) women.
In Malayalam they say "payaṟu polatte oru peṇṇuṃ atupole oru payyanuṃ (a girl like fresh green gram pod and a like boy)" to refer to any enviable (in the bed room) couple.
In addition, one of my close colleagues thought that he should improve his physique and joined a gym way back in the 1960's. He was already married then. He however found that his 'performance' was deteriorating and asked the gym instructor, who replied that all attempts to increase the muscles will result in lower libido and less number and less powerful erections. My colleague then left the gym and then we came to know that the males who are after body-building have to sacrifice one of their important capabilities. You, being a doctor, will possibly know about this better.
sangom
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Kum. amala,
That seems to be the tragedy. Tabra boys are even now mostly influenced more by their mother than by their father. The mother dictates that she would have only a tabra dil whom she will take revenge on for all the sufferings which she (the mother) herself suffered at the hands of her mil. If this fellow marries a girl from some other caste/religion, this mother will be "floored" in the very first engagement or "round" itself and may even go to "parama padam"; that is the fear of most tabra mothers!!
Raji Ram
Active member
This advice stands cancelled since Sangom Sir has posted one important note!
C RAVI
0
What a ridiculous and irresponsible accusations, Sir, with full of venom!!!
What a sweeping generalization and cheap statement, Sir!!
Like many bad MIL's are there in all caste community so are many bad, crooked and dangerous DIL's in all caste community. Just because of these existing negative and hazardous people in the society, making such a sweeping statement in general is highly condemn able.
Just because you came across such Raakshasi TB MIL's in your family/social circle, giving such a bases less info to others is absolutely irresponsible, demonstrating your hatred towards TB MIL's.
This seem to be an another technique, ways and means to propagate negative opinion about TB community, giving false picture to NB's and ironically to fellow TB girls.
Do you mean to say that all other MIL's from other caste community are Devadhais? That, by choosing to marry a NB guy (by love or arranged), the TB girl is guaranteed with very good MIL without any scope of her influencing her Son against his wife (this TB girl) and or herself being mischievous and giving troubles and sufferings to her TB DIL?
It is a shame on TB community to find such irresponsible false accusations made by fellow Brahmins in the pretext of telling the truth and expecting positive change in the society.
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C RAVI
0
I am happy to find at least one member (yourself) telling the facts as it is unlike some other members who either want to be diplomatic, hiding the truth or making broad generalizations with ridiculous & false accusations to please an another member in their attempt to be impressive and look good to other members.
That's what I am saying. If tb girls are soo horrid, why on earth don't the boys find other girls who value them more? Sangom Sir has at least said why in his opinion. Clearly some people don't like his answer. So let me ask again. Why don't TB boys bin the TB girls and look elsewhere?
Raji Ram
Active member
Dear Amala,
All the girls in this generation, whether tambram or NOT, have become more courageous. They are not afraid of the
in laws as it used to be in the previous generations. The financial dependence was more those days and so women
had to be obedient! Now, the guys have to behave well because they will face a divorce otherwise! Got it??
K
kkumar29
Guest
Dear Mr. Ravi,
Here is a case in point. I consider Ms. Amala to be one of the புதுமை பெண். Just because you don't like what she suggests you accuse her of being anti TB. This is exactly what I was referring to when I said the boys are unable to cope with the emergence of the புதுமை பெண். She is not complaining in this forum that TB boys make unreasonable demands, you are the one complaining about girls in live-in relationship, girls making unreasonable demands etc. She is suggesting an alternative to finding girls. You don't have to take her advise.
I am not here to change your views but just to point out that there are other solutions. In my experience of more than 60 years in this world, I have learnt that people make decisions that suit their individual needs and there is no one solution that fits all.
In a number of posts you seem to indicate that you are defending the TB community, but definitely the views don't reflect my views because in most instances it is different to yours.
This will be my last post on this subject.
K. Kumar
Here is a case in point. I consider Ms. Amala to be one of the புதுமை பெண். Just because you don't like what she suggests you accuse her of being anti TB. This is exactly what I was referring to when I said the boys are unable to cope with the emergence of the புதுமை பெண். She is not complaining in this forum that TB boys make unreasonable demands, you are the one complaining about girls in live-in relationship, girls making unreasonable demands etc. She is suggesting an alternative to finding girls. You don't have to take her advise.
I am not here to change your views but just to point out that there are other solutions. In my experience of more than 60 years in this world, I have learnt that people make decisions that suit their individual needs and there is no one solution that fits all.
In a number of posts you seem to indicate that you are defending the TB community, but definitely the views don't reflect my views because in most instances it is different to yours.
This will be my last post on this subject.
K. Kumar
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So is that a good thing or bad thing in your view? This financial dependence long gone and the guys having to behave well? I think it entirely depends on whose point of view one is looking at.
Thank you Kumar Sir. I don't think Ravi was accusing me of being anti TB. It was someone elses answers that got him riled up, but now that you have given him ideas!
. I wasn't even suggesting alternatives. I was merely wondering why don't people look for others who value them. But since Raji mami has said all women these days (not just tb girls) are difficult, then I dunno what more to say. We have only education, women's lib and the vote thrust upon us to blame. Nothing else to say.
sangom
0
Smt. RR,
The problem, at least with our Tabra community, seems to me to be that the mothers do not bring up their sons right from the young age with the input that he will have to lead a family life in peace with his wife and that he should therefore try to look at girls from that pov. This is nothing new to our society because girls had been brought up in the very same way for many, many generations now and it is only during the last ten years that the scales have turned against the boys.
Mothers even now bring up their son/s as a kind of insurance in case the otherwise non-descript husband "drops his head" (maṇṭaiyep poṭṭuṭṭāṉṉā); even though many women will be financially self-sufficient even after the husband dies, still, they seem to need the assurance that they will have someone to order to, someone on whom they can continue to do back-seat driving. It is this selfishness which prevents the tabra mothers to frankly tell their sons that he should ensure that he acts according to his wife's wishes. When this point comes, mothers consider themselves as yet another woman, a competitor to their would-be DIL, even though they may :tape: after the marriage, as you say.
Even if the mothers keep quiet after marriage, I have seen a few women trying to ignite fire subterraneously and finally end up creating discord between her son and her DIL.
Shri Ravi,
Frankly, I don't understand what you want! Do you think that any tabra girl in the marriage market today does not know about tabra women and that they will depend on some Forum posts like mine and then get a very bad opinion about all tabra women? If you think so, you are not at all aware of the girls' abilities even to the extent that a 72-year old ThAthA like myself knows. In case you are already married, then you obviously have a very special, divine kind of wife or she is so shrewd that she has kept all her abilities secretly away from you.
I wrote in reply to Kum. Amala what exactly I feel about the situation. Obviously, the moaning and groaning and chest-beating right from the OP, does not impress unmarried girls at all. My single post is not going to be earth-shaking, after all. I am writing from my knowledge of a few actual cases. May be there are very many saintly mothers with their unmarried sons out there whom I don't know, but I am sure girls will be surely capable of identifying such saintly mothers without much difficulty.
Lastly, just as you try to impress the unmarried 30+ girls that they are going to their doom by not getting married before age 30, I am trying to tell and impress, if possible, that a great deal of change in mind-set of both tabra boys and their mothers is required if the boys are to get married. If my post makes all tabra mamis into Raakshasi MILs, your writing paints the tabra girls above the age of 30 and are still waiting for their best package deals as something very similar. So, please don't throw stones sitting inside a glass palace.
sangom
0
Thank you Kumar Sir. I don't think Ravi was accusing me of being anti TB. It was someone elses answers that got him riled up, but now that you have given him ideas!
amala,
For hundreds, if not thousands of years, tabra men have ruled over women. There were many very well-educated and otherwise talented women among we tabras even in the previous generations, but only some came to be known publicly like Smt. D.K. Pattammal or Smt. T.S. Bhagavati (play-back singer of the 1940's). All the rest had to sacrifice their abilities for the family. Well, I will say it was a very nice arrangement because I am a man. But if only we can think from the women's side can we know the tragedy.
Today, the world has changed and girls want to be heard and respected. But many of what they do (like calling their husband with "DA") will not be pleasant for me. Yet, I am of the view that tabra boys of today must grow accepting this change in society and they should be prepared for the new kind of married life. If they are willing but are unsuccessful in getting a tabra girl, they should look elsewhere, just as you said. If one is unsuccessful even then, he should be prepared to forget about marriage. This may be a big sacrifice but many poor and not-so-good-looking tabra girls have died never married, doing odd jobs in other houses and earning very small amounts. Just as the brahminism has hit back now in the shape of reservation system, the past sins of tabra males has come to hit back this way. It is all the immutable Law of Karma.
tbs
0
hi
I think பாரதி கண்ட புதுமைப்பெண் is starting to emerge and society is unable to cope with this as mentioned by Mr. Sangom
i agreed....mahakavi bharathi's pudumai penn needs more education and responsible wife./affectionate mother....who can take
stand in her own by economically/socially/culturally the best in the world...NOT JUST EGO/GREEDY WOMEN....
I think பாரதி கண்ட புதுமைப்பெண் is starting to emerge and society is unable to cope with this as mentioned by Mr. Sangom
i agreed....mahakavi bharathi's pudumai penn needs more education and responsible wife./affectionate mother....who can take
stand in her own by economically/socially/culturally the best in the world...NOT JUST EGO/GREEDY WOMEN....
tbs
0
tbs
0
hi
i think there are some responsible TB MIL s in this forum itself....they had tambra DILs too...they can answer for these
generalisation statements....
C RAVI
0
Shri K.Kumar,
You seem to have mistaken. No where I have blamed Amala of being anti TB.
If you consider Amala as Pudhumai Penn that's perfectly fine. It is fine with me too.
Lots of Pudhumai Penn are single at their age of 30-35+ and mostly gonna remain single for ever, despite of good education and lots of earning. You may appreciate and encourage such Pudhumai Penns BUT my heart bleads as long as they still continue to yearn for the best deal package and continue at appear in Matrimonial sites, counting on some one to appear for them as a Jack Pot.
I am not here to change any one's view either!! Nor I blame anyone of attempting to change my views.
Dear Sir, if girls are not blaming guys for opting for Live-in-relationship, that doesn't mean that I can not blame such girls nor it means that I support and encourage guys to go for live in relationship. All I said was in terms of Pudhumai Penn who is ready to go for live in relationship.
Off course every one have their right to live their life as per their expectations. No one can raise fingers on any one for their choices, preferences, demands and personal life decisions.
But, when a topic is presented as a case study on a particular issue, certain perspectives to be taken into consideration to figure out what is what, in the ground reality, in general. Especially when it has became a trend and in its peak.
Off course I defend TB Community, I feel for many of these girl's helpless parents as well and many of single guys and girls who are forced to remain single due to girls own unreasonable demands and expectation. Not only yours BUT there are many male and female members here, all of whose views are different to mine.
They are justifying such girls unreasonable demands, expectations, responses etc..etc as a successful outcome of Mahakavi Bharathi's inspirational "Pudhumai Penn" movement. And that, people like me are full of personal hatred and curses on these girls with out any concern towards their personal life and TB society. What ever may be the accusations on us, deliberately or ignorantly, I am personally least bothered.
It is not only my personal issue BUT a social issue. I find many wailing parents and guys who all are decently educated and decently settled and could not get a girl of similar standards. I find many wailing parents of these demanding girls as well who all are forced to keep tight lip and are helpless.
As long as the issues in hand are of social in nature and not just personal alone, I have the tendency to express fully without the need to be diplomatic and attractive.
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C RAVI
0
Dear Sir,
The problem with many thathas is that, they are reflecting the same attrocities of their old generation where DIL's had to suffer in the hands of their MIL and husband.
It is painful to find such thathas generally throwing stones on todays MIL's who all are not in a position to play their foul games if at all they wish to. Todays girls are educated, financially independent and have secured legal ways to get out of marriage by sending her husband and MIL behind the bars. Also, such thathas are giving baseless negative impression to other girls about todays MILs in general and corrupting their already aggressive and ready to fight minds.
My writing certainly projects Tabra girls above the age of 30-35+ and still waiting for their best deal package is Based on the Visible Ground Reality and certainly is not similar to your accusation that Tabra Ladies are just wishful to get their son married off only to Tb girl so that she can successfully accomplish her goal of taking revenge on their TB DIL similar to what these ladies undergone in the hands of their MILs in their older generation.
Any member who hates me for my writings on this subject as well can see the difference between what all I said and what you have said about TB Ladies Motives who want to be MIL of Only a TB girl, though ironically some member seem to agree with your accusations.
If every one is writing here knowing that writing here can not change the ground reality in the real society outside this cyber world, then I wonder why almost every member get into heated argument with each other and even go to the extent of making personal remarks when ever there is a topic of debate on many prevailing issues?
Moreover, Sir, this is a public posting in public forum and even millions of unregistered members can read these posts by googling out, hitting some relevant keys to find answers to their doubts. It is not good to give such a baseless reasoning like what you gave about TB MIL's cheap motives. It would be a severe mistake on your part, IMHO, doing injustice to TB community.
Folks,
This is my experience - take it for what it is worth, which is offered free.
What Sri Sangom Ji is saying has some truth to it. Let me explain.
I have an elder sister. My Athimbere is a well educated man, lived all over the globe. He used to have a broad world vision, but for some reason has turned towards Purva Mimamsa and orthodoxy. They have two sons. The eldest is a gem of a human being, who adored his parents. They hand picked a girl for him who is highly qualified. Soon after the marriage they moved in with them (despite my considered advice) and almost ruined that marriage. It is not a surprise that DIL does not like her in laws.
They handpicked the second girl for the second son, keeping in mind what they thought were the reasons for their 'mistake' in choosing their eldest DIL. The second DIL is the exact opposite of the first DIL in looks and qualification and background. Guess what? The second DIL does not like them also.
This MIL/DIL relationship is a prime cause of friction in our community, judging from the stories I hear every day, even today.
Dear Sri Ravi Ji, I understand what you are saying. But at the same time we need to ask why so many of our girls choose the 'single' path. I do not think it is for just simply waiting for the 'perfect' match. I think majority of them are caught between modernity and orthodoxy. They don't want to hurt their parents, but at the same time are afraid to get in to some bad marriage that they see happening around them.
This is a revolution of sorts, and in any revolution, the innocents get hurt. This is what is happening to some of our boys, possibly including you.
Regards,
KRS
This is my experience - take it for what it is worth, which is offered free.
What Sri Sangom Ji is saying has some truth to it. Let me explain.
I have an elder sister. My Athimbere is a well educated man, lived all over the globe. He used to have a broad world vision, but for some reason has turned towards Purva Mimamsa and orthodoxy. They have two sons. The eldest is a gem of a human being, who adored his parents. They hand picked a girl for him who is highly qualified. Soon after the marriage they moved in with them (despite my considered advice) and almost ruined that marriage. It is not a surprise that DIL does not like her in laws.
They handpicked the second girl for the second son, keeping in mind what they thought were the reasons for their 'mistake' in choosing their eldest DIL. The second DIL is the exact opposite of the first DIL in looks and qualification and background. Guess what? The second DIL does not like them also.
This MIL/DIL relationship is a prime cause of friction in our community, judging from the stories I hear every day, even today.
Dear Sri Ravi Ji, I understand what you are saying. But at the same time we need to ask why so many of our girls choose the 'single' path. I do not think it is for just simply waiting for the 'perfect' match. I think majority of them are caught between modernity and orthodoxy. They don't want to hurt their parents, but at the same time are afraid to get in to some bad marriage that they see happening around them.
This is a revolution of sorts, and in any revolution, the innocents get hurt. This is what is happening to some of our boys, possibly including you.
Regards,
KRS
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