Women and engineer problem in marriage

[C RAVI]

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Shmt.Raji Ram,

Many old mothers are forced to take some interest in disguise. Like learning music, spirituality, yoga, meditation etc..etc. to prove that she is busy doing all this and ONLY because of that can not be at the disposal of her daughter...LOL!!

 

[C RAVI]

Young and active toddlers are put to great task because they hardly get the mother's love they need then!

If a home maker finds it difficult to take care of her kid, I do not know what to say about these girls!

May be "Pudhumai Penn" ??!!??

Because, "Pudhumai Penn" of today who are getting pat at the back by downright feminists being a "Pudhumai Penn" defines herself that -

- It is below dignity to be a house wife, without financial liberty. It is equal to being a slave!

- It is a shame to do house hold chores being educated and having the caliber to earn and have financial liberty

- Taking care of little kids is the responsibility of her husband too. But when he seem to be particular about what he wants and goes to work, I should also be particular about my desires, go to work as a professional. Thus, will let the kids grow in play schools and kill time over there, in bliss, as money is not the problem.

 

[Raji Ram]

....... Many old mothers are forced to take some interest in disguise. Like learning music, spirituality, yoga, meditation etc..etc. to prove that she is busy doing all this and ONLY because of that can not be at the disposal of her daughter...

Oh, Come on Ravi!

Many ladies who have taken care of their kids have no intention to repeat the same with grandchildren too!

At least in their late fifties, they need to spend time for their own interest. So far, they have been living only

for the sake of their children, right? They too need time to live a part of life to their liking!

In Sing. Chennai there are many groups as I wrote in some other thread. They are 'Bhagavad Gita group',

'NArAyaNeeyam group', 'Soundharyalahari group', 'SahasranAmam group', 'Prabandham group', 'AnnamayyA

group', 'NavAvaraNam group' and so on.........

There also exist many touring groups - they travel to temples during every week end! :car:

 

[Raji Ram]

My friend about whom I wrote is in my student's group, AnnamayyA group and a touring group!! :thumb:

 

[C RAVI]

Oh, Come on Ravi!

Many ladies who have taken care of their kids have no intention to repeat the same with grandchildren too!

At least in their late fifties, they need to spend time for their own interest. So far, they have been living only

for the sake of their children, right? They too need time to live a part of life to their liking!

In Sing. Chennai there are many groups as I wrote in some other thread. They are 'Bhagavad Gita group',

'NArAyaNeeyam group', 'Soundharyalahari group', 'SahasranAmam group', 'Prabandham group', 'AnnamayyA

group', 'NavAvaraNam group' and so on.........

There also exist many touring groups - they travel to temples during every week end! :car:

YES!!! Shmt. Raji Ram,

I know this. Also, I can understand how a mother sacrificed her sleep, comfort etc to bring her children up all the years. She certainly need a break and a life to five "for herself".

At the same time there are many old ladies who just want to be relaxed at home, do house hold work at their own sweet time and comfort, just cook something little for her self and her husband as the mood and health is, watching TV, going on evening walk etc and have a smooth and comfortable old age life.

These mothers are found to be a jock pot for some of their married daughters and mothers are demanded to be at their disposal.

To escape from such daughters, many mothers have opted for some personal activities to show that she is busy too. And, off course such activity in due course becomes her passion soon and she starts loving doing that.

 

[renuka]

Yesterday night I was thinking that why Indians overall are not comfortable with remarriage with divorcees/widow/widowers with children.

Indians should learn from our very own Shiva and Parvathi how to life in harmony.

Shiva was technically a widower after the death of Sati.

No doubt Parvati was Sati born again but it is still a 2nd marriage for Shiva.

Shiva had given "birth" to Kartikeya purely on his own without Parvati..so Kartikeya is Appa's boy.

Parvati had given "birth" to Ganesha purely on her own without Shiva..so Ganesha is Amma's boy.

Now Shiva and Parvati have no problems accepting each others children as their own.

So just imagine Parvati telling Shiva "Hey Pati Parameshwar..look how nicely my son is playing with your son?"

I wonder why Shiva and Parvati never decided to have children with each other??

 

[Raji Ram]

....... I wonder why Shiva and Parvati never decided to have children with each other??

Dear Renu,

They are NOT humans!

 

[Raji Ram]

Actually Renu, guys opt to bigamy giving example of every God other than Rama. :lol:

 

[renuka]

Actually Renu, guys opt to bigamy giving example of every God other than Rama. :lol:

Dear RR ji,


Actually I wonder why girls want a husband like Rama?

He will abandon you when you need him the most.

Ravana types of guys are better at least they pay attention to all females in their harems!LOL

 

[renuka]

Dear Renu,

They are NOT humans!

Dear RR ji,

But they were very much "human" in their behavior.

Shiva had Father In Law problems...Daksha was not a good Father In Law and did not respect his Mappillai.

Parvati is lucky...no MIL problems!LOL

 

[sarang]

And Parvati did not listen to her husband, no change even today!

Dear RR ji,

But they were very much "human" in their behavior.

Shiva had Father In Law problems...Daksha was not a good Father In Law and did not respect his Mappillai.

Parvati is lucky...no MIL problems!LOL

 

[kunjuppu]

Shmt.Raji Ram,

Many old mothers are forced to take some interest in disguise. Like learning music, spirituality, yoga, meditation etc..etc. to prove that she is busy doing all this and ONLY because of that can not be at the disposal of her daughter...LOL!!

dear ravi,

i would like to protest.

'she is busy doing all this and ONLY because of that can not be at the disposal of her daughter'..

i read it, as not treating women as equals. they too are like us men, have needs. have suppressed it all these years, tending to in laws, husbands and children.

these days, they are slowly learning to assert themselves and getting involved outside the house. having a life for themselves, a luxury, which the man of the house, took for granted.

i would like to think, the woman concerned, now finds an opportunity, to spend time on her self, FOR ITS OWN SAKE, and NOT as a camouflage for excuses not to take care of grand children.

i see a deep seated bias against women here. i know you would protest it, but if you had really believed in equality, you would not have stated in the manner you did. we need to learn to treat women as equals - we either put them on a pedestal, or denigrate them. both are to be desisted.

again to repeat, women get involved in other activities, same reason as men - interest. not as a way out or camouflage. let us respect that. thank you.

 

[C RAVI]

dear ravi,

i would like to protest.

'she is busy doing all this and ONLY because of that can not be at the disposal of her daughter'..

i read it, as not treating women as equals. they too are like us men, have needs. have suppressed it all these years, tending to in laws, husbands and children.

these days, they are slowly learning to assert themselves and getting involved outside the house. having a life for themselves, a luxury, which the man of the house, took for granted.

i would like to think, the woman concerned, now finds an opportunity, to spend time on her self, FOR ITS OWN SAKE, and NOT as a camouflage for excuses not to take care of grand children.

i see a deep seated bias against women here. i know you would protest it, but if you had really believed in equality, you would not have stated in the manner you did. we need to learn to treat women as equals - we either put them on a pedestal, or denigrate them. both are to be desisted.

again to repeat, women get involved in other activities, same reason as men - interest. not as a way out or camouflage. let us respect that. thank you.

Dear Sir, I didn't say that ladies don't have any interest/hobby or they are not supposed to have one.

I only said that, even the ladies who are not inclined/interested are opting such hobby to keep oneself busy personally with what one really could fancy, being suggested by other ladies. So that, instead of again working the same routine for their daughter's family, they can have their own liberty, space, activity of interest and keep themselves happy.

One of my neighbor in Chennai, a old lady who married off her daughter around 3 years ago was insisted by her daughter to stay with her family so that she can be close to her daughter and grand children and would be a helping hand for her. Within a month, the old lady was suggested to join ISHA Yoga and Meditation Center and be a volunteer to promote the concept for the well being of all, having that lady consulted her neighbor to keep herself busy and not to get used by her daughter and SIL.

Immediately, subsequently to the post, a part of which you have quoted and taken objection, I posted the below post, to make my stand clear..

YES!!! Shmt. Raji Ram,

I know this. Also, I can understand how a mother sacrificed her sleep, comfort etc to bring her children up all the years. She certainly need a break and a life to five "for herself".

At the same time there are many old ladies who just want to be relaxed at home, do house hold work at their own sweet time and comfort, just cook something little for her self and her husband as the mood and health is, watching TV, going on evening walk etc and have a smooth and comfortable old age life.

These mothers are found to be a jock pot for some of their married daughters and mothers are demanded to be at their disposal.

To escape from such daughters, many mothers have opted for some personal activities to show that she is busy too. And, off course such activity in due course becomes her passion soon and she starts loving doing that.

 

[sangom]

What I observe around me here is that mothers are invited by the daughters (especially those living in US etc.) for assistance during pregnancy, delivery and for as much time as possible therefater. But the latest trend (probably because of the US job market, wages, etc.) is that only the mother gets invited and only her airfare is remitted. Fathers have understood the message and they live alone here for that period and some of them do get hospitalized for serious complaints also during this period. Still, the mother-daughter coalition is so strong that the mother does not return to India. The poor father gets OK and has to await his wife's return. In short it seems to be becoming some kind of "alli rAjyam"!

One mAmi who went in c/w her mother's delivery even journeyed, it is reported, across US and performed not a few Bhagavatha Sapthahams there, making a good amount of money also in the bargain. Her status in the local religious circuit simply sky-rocketed as a result and her fees here for conducting bhagavatham sapthahams, Narayaneeyam etc., have been raised steeply. Her competitors in the religious circuit will surely follow the route without much delay,imo.

 

[biswa]

My friend about whom I wrote is in my student's group, AnnamayyA group and a touring group!! :thumb:

How come only sattvik groups? No cinema watching group?

 

[kunjuppu]

What I observe around me here is that mothers are invited by the daughters (especially those living in US etc.) for assistance during pregnancy, delivery and for as much time as possible therefater. But the latest trend (probably because of the US job market, wages, etc.) is that only the mother gets invited and only her airfare is remitted. Fathers have understood the message and they live alone here for that period and some of them do get hospitalized for serious complaints also during this period. Still, the mother-daughter coalition is so strong that the mother does not return to India. The poor father gets OK and has to await his wife's return. In short it seems to be becoming some kind of "alli rAjyam"!

One mAmi who went in c/w her mother's delivery even journeyed, it is reported, across US and performed not a few Bhagavatha Sapthahams there, making a good amount of money also in the bargain. Her status in the local religious circuit simply sky-rocketed as a result and her fees here for conducting bhagavatham sapthahams, Narayaneeyam etc., have been raised steeply. Her competitors in the religious circuit will surely follow the route without much delay,imo.

sangom,

there are two topics here.

re the mama left alone, i think,in many cases, the mama does not wish to go to usa. in reality there is nothing there for him, after the first visit. from whence he gets the bragging right. the reality is - boredom, time hanging on one's shoulders, lot of housework, even more if guests come, taking care of children, no friends,TV (though now thanks to the net you can get tamil shows) and above all home bound, due to distances or vagaries of the weather.

in contrast to this, in india, he has a comfortable retired , friends, society, radio, TV, club (!), tasty hotel food, and what not... and even a respite from the nagging mami.

the only situtation that can throw spanner in the works, is illness.

frankly speaking, i know a few of the mamas here. all of them are udavaakkarais - they do nothing except sit in the house and behave as know-alls. they are bored most of the time, which they cannot even confess when they go to india, for it would mean loss of face.

i feel sorry for that generation of parents, who have to leave india, all in the name of old age security. some cruelties are inflicted by the children, but then others, are self inflicted. i think so.

re the mami making money, through parayanams - i think this is to admired. nothing wrong in that. and all the more glory to free enterprise these mamis bring unique skillsets - one started a business of batchanams, and every summer, when she departed, she used to pack off also, a handsome bank account and no one grudged her for it.

 

[tbs]

What I observe around me here is that mothers are invited by the daughters (especially those living in US etc.) for assistance during pregnancy, delivery and for as much time as possible therefater. But the latest trend (probably because of the US job market, wages, etc.) is that only the mother gets invited and only her airfare is remitted. Fathers have understood the message and they live alone here for that period and some of them do get hospitalized for serious complaints also during this period. Still, the mother-daughter coalition is so strong that the mother does not return to India. The poor father gets OK and has to await his wife's return. In short it seems to be becoming some kind of "alli rAjyam"!

One mAmi who went in c/w her mother's delivery even journeyed, it is reported, across US and performed not a few Bhagavatha Sapthahams there, making a good amount of money also in the bargain. Her status in the local religious circuit simply sky-rocketed as a result and her fees here for conducting bhagavatham sapthahams, Narayaneeyam etc., have been raised steeply. Her competitors in the religious circuit will surely follow the route without much delay,imo.

hi
this is correct in USA....ONLY gal's mother is invited.....even SIL prefer gal's mother than his own mother....i saw more than

3 times gal's mother visited in a year after her pregnancy....not a single time boy's mom never invited....REALLY ALLI RAAJYAM

 

[renuka]

How come only sattvik groups? No cinema watching group?

Cinema???? That is not Non Sattva.

I was wondering why no Cougar Group!LOL

 

[biswa]

If not a cougar group, at least a Surya or Kamal Hassan admirers' group!

 

[renuka]

hi
this is correct in USA....ONLY gal's mother is invited.....even SIL prefer gal's mother than his own mother....i saw more than

3 times gal's mother visited in a year after her pregnancy....not a single time boy's mom never invited....REALLY ALLI RAAJYAM

Dear TBS ji,


I will explain why..

When a women delivers..her body is frail and her moods can take a dip.

Almost everyone gets some form of post partum blues and anything can make us flare up..so it is safer for girls mother to be near her and not MIL cos any fight with DIL -MIL at that time can make relationship permanently sour.

Even husbands female relatives can be a pain!

I will give you one example...when I delivered my son...some of my husbands females relatives were idiots!

One of my MIL's sister aged some 60 who had all daughters and no son(but she adopted a boy).. ..saw my son and said "Oh it would have been better if you had given birth to a daughter and not a son..cos there is nothing like a daughter"

You see that was an uncalled for statement..when visiting a new born one should learn to reserve comments..I could have asked her directly on her face..if she really thought so great about daughters what was the need to adopt a son?

That question was just at the tip of my tongue but I did not ask her cos I did not want her to start cursing my son since she was already not happy to see a baby boy.

So you see..it is better for Mother to handle a daughter post delivery and not a MIL and her troop of female relatives.

 

[tbs]

Dear TBS ji,


I will explain why..

When a women delivers..her body is frail and her moods can take a dip.

Almost everyone gets some form of post partum blues and anything can make us flare up..so it is safer for girls mother to be near her and not MIL cos any fight with DIL -MIL at that time can make relationship permanently sour.

Even husbands female relatives can be a pain!

I will give you one example...when I delivered my son...some of my husbands females relatives were idiots!

One of my MIL's sister aged some 60 who had all daughters and no son(but she adopted a boy).. ..saw my son and said "Oh it would have been better if you had given birth to a daughter and not a son..cos there is nothing like a daughter"

You see that was an uncalled for statement..when visiting a new born one should learn to reserve comments..I could have asked her directly on her face..if she really thought so great about daughters what was the need to adopt a son?

That question was just at the tip of my tongue but I did not ask her cos I did not want her to start cursing my son since she was already not happy to see a baby boy.

So you see..it is better for Mother to handle a daughter post delivery and not a MIL and her troop of female relatives.

hi renu,

i agreed with u...i can understand.....mother is better than anybody for a daughter.....still a dominated and controlling

as an army commander towards daughter/son in law....here son in law is a silent creature in front of mother in law....

in olden days ...delivery used to be in gal's home....there mother care is very important.....but in a nuclear family....

the role of mother is just helper/companionship than a commander....

 

[Raji Ram]

How come only sattvik groups? No cinema watching group?

​Not in mAmis, Sir! Only in girls!

 

[Raji Ram]

Cinema???? That is not Non Sattva.

I was wondering why no Cougar Group!LOL

Dear Renu! I am sad to see such a post! out:

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear T B S Sir,

Rarely even the son's mother goes to help for the delivery. Such occasions are:

1. When ONLY the father of the girl is alive.

2. When the mother of the girl can't travel overseas due to bad health.

3. When the father of the girl needs 24X7 attention due to health reasons.

So, as long as the girl's mother is fit to go abroad, with / without the father, she is given preference. :thumb:

 

[renuka]

Dear Renu! I am sad to see such a post! out:

Dear RR ji,

Do not be sad.

Cougar groups do exists all over the world especially among the rich and famous.