Yet another failed marriage

[renuka]

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The fact that marriage is not sacred is today's situation. It was meant to be sacred.

Dear Sravna,

What sacred yaar?

Who is doing daily Pooja to husband and wife?

None of us get up in morning and recite "Om Purushaya Namah or Om Patnyai Namah" and show Aarti!LOL

Husband and Wife are just sharing their lives after being united by a ceremony to keep them socio-economically contractually bound till the end of either one of their lives.

 

[Raji Ram]

..... The fact that marriage is not sacred is today's situation. It was meant to be sacred. .........

Yes! Once upon a time it was sacred. But now people are scared!! :scared:

 

[sankara_sharmah]

My reply to Sravna

My original posting and answers in Blue.

Sravana's replies in Red.

Marriage is taken as a serious commitment all over the world.

I differ on this sir. The fact that many divorces are filed for flimsy reasons doesn't support your claim.

You mean that the rest of the world does not take marriage seriously. A statemnt which is preposterous to say the least. I have shown how the West and rest of the world also values marriages. Marriage as an institution would not have survived if humanity did not value it.

Just because there are a number of Divorces in the West, it does not mean that the society there does not take marriage seriously. Catholic religion does not permit divorce. Society has always tried to prevent break up of marriages. The catholic religion has tried for centuries to ensure that there are no divorces. But without success.

Divorce is one of the biggest trauma in one's life. Almost everyone who has gone through a Divorce needs psychological counselling. A cursory search on Google would reveal that. And there are also other serious consequences of a Divorce. No one opts for a divorce happily except people like Zsa Zsa Gabor.

At least now it is no longer a trauma that it used to be in India. Things can only get better, fortunately or unfortunately. Please don't mistake that I like to see people traumatized. But the fact is only when you were involved in the relationship you get that emotional reaction.

You are saying that only the tamil Brahmin couples are emotionally involved. The rest of the world is not involved in marriages. No emotional involvement Again a statement which is preposterous to say the least.

I will talk about Trauma later.

The cost of the Divorces to the society is also huge. Many Indians seem to think that the the society in the West is happy about Divorces. The fact is they are not.

Let us not assume that Tamil Brahmins are the only people who value marriages

West is not happy about divorces. But they are not sad about them either.

I got About 15,700,000 results in Google (0.32 seconds) for "trauma of divorce"

Thousands of articles like these

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-5215/How-survive-trauma-divorce.html

http://www.ehow.com/how_5097908_deal-trauma-divorce.html

If there is no trauma why these thousands of articles about it. Do you mean only Tamil Brahmins get traumized and not rest of humanity.

And the value that Tamil Brahmins attach to marriage is so pervasive in the community that one cannot find a single tamil brahmin who devalues marriage.

If rest of humanity devalues marriage as you say, why do people get married? Have you read a magazine called Reader's Digest? it emphasizes family values. Thousands of articles over the years about marriages, how to be happy in one, making marriage work etc. I quoted the Catholic religion. Even Catholics according to you do not value marriage.

In a nut shell your point of view is that only Tamil Brahmins value marriages and so are affected by divorce. I do not know in which world you are living.

So you think the Tamil Brahmins are the only people who value marriage. Not the millions of Catholics. You think people other than Tamil Brahmins get married for the heck of it? Or the fun of it? Especially in the West where you can have sex without getting trapped in a marriage.

Live in relationship is an attempt to address the problem of Divorce. Talking about Live-In relationship, it is a very serious affair. It is not a one night stand as many Indians would like to believe. The Live-In couple think that a marriage is a very serious relationship which should not be entered into unless one is sure about the chances of success.

Can one be happy that it is not just a one night stand? Even an institution that is meant to be sacred and as a lifetime commitment can be desecrated in no time, how long is this live-in alternative going to last?

It is a social experiment. No one has ever predicted that marriages rae going to disappear all over the world.

What we in India especially the Tamil Brahmins are trying to do is to control the lives of their children. You arrange the marriage and think that you shoudl decide whether the marriage should continue or not.

The concerned girl should continue to suffer because the parents want to protect/preserve their standing in the society. This is total selfishness and has nothing to do with principles or values.

Let us not put the blame squarely on one or the other. Each has a part. May be the parents wanted to protect their standing in society. But to tell that their act is totally selfish is an unsupported assertion.

The girl's life is sacrificed for protecting the standing of the parents. Is it a self less act. Which sasthra tells you to sacrifice the welfare of your child for your social standing. Does not the scriptures prescribe a duty for the parents? Do the Tamil brahmins believe the children are to be the sacrificial goats for protecting their standing in the community.

When did social standing become a Brahminicl value? It is not. It goes against the very basics of Brahminical values.

 

[sravna]

Do you mean to tell me that marriage was there between man and women in antiquity?
Animals live and prosper, and continue their species without this "ceremony". Marriage is a binding created by mankind. Other animals form similar bond for survival of their species.
I agree with renuka's position that there is nothing sacred in a manmade rule.

Dear Shri Prasad,

The more deeper from reality one draws one's knowledge from, the more sacred it is, according to me. Marriage was accorded a spiritual or a deeper import by our people. So it is sacred to me. Human has in himself the divinity, doesn't he? To some exalted people of the past that divinity manifested truly imo.

 

[renuka]

Objection your honour! Tambram girls are no more slaves. They have become very bold!

Dear Renu! Please go through the Tamil matrimony site and check the partner preferences of girls.

Then you will understand. Sati has vanished long back. Tambram widows are seen on stage when

their son or daughter gets married. They dress up nicely like any other lady! You are talking about

the previous generation! If a boy's parents happen to be orthodox, the number of alliances reduce

to a great extent. That is trend the of the day! Actually boys are scared to get married! :fear:

Dear RR ji,
I have checked out all these sites before even the TB sites and I have noted that girls these days want a ready made marriage with all facilities in terms of luxury and everyone wants US based guys earning $ this much ..that much..handsome etc (but some girls there put such horrid pics! they should dress up better and put some nice pic)

Then they say they don't want to work after marriage and want maids too.

Endless demands.

I once by chance came across a matrimony add of a Indian origin girl from South Africa.
She was very honest and down to earth.
She said she comes from a broken family and hoping to marry a guy from a happy family to enjoy love which she did not get.

She said she is can cook well and willing to live with guy and his parents cos she wants to have parents around since she grew up without parents around.

She also said she earns this much this much and as long guy earns a fairly decent salary is enough.
She said she was willing to relocate to India if the guy is from India.

Then she also put the pics of her dogs and said she loves them lots and hopefully her future husband will also love her dogs.
All the dogs had nice names.

That was the only add that was really nice and sweet.

 

[Raji Ram]

..... What sacred yaar?

Who is doing daily Pooja to husband and wife?.....

Dear Renu,

Sacred is not doing daily pooja. Please refer to the other meanings (3, 4 and 5)

sa·cred(s

kr

d)adj.

1. Dedicated to or set apart for the worship of a deity.

2. Worthy of religious veneration: the sacred teachings of the Buddha.

3. Made or declared holy: sacred bread and wine.

4. Dedicated or devoted exclusively to a single use, purpose, or person: sacred to the memory of her sister; a private office
sacred to the President.

5. Worthy of respect; venerable.

6. Of or relating to religious objects, rites, or practices.

 

[Raji Ram]

......... That was the only add that was really nice and sweet.

:yo: to that girl Renu!

 

[sravna]

You mean that the rest of the world does not take marriage seriously. A statemnt which is preposterous to say the least. I have shown how the West and rest of the world also values marriages. Marriage as an institution would not have survived if humanity did not value it.[/COLOR]

You are saying that only the tamil Brahmin couples are emotionally involved. The rest of the world is not involved in marriages. No emotional involvement Again a statement which is preposterous to say the least.

If the West valued marriage so much, they would not have sought an alternative to it.

I will talk about Trauma later

I got About 15,700,000 results in Google (0.32 seconds) for "trauma of divorce" Thousands of articles like these
How to survive the trauma of divorce | Mail Online
How to Deal With the Trauma of Divorce | eHow.com

If there is no trauma why these thousands of articles about it. Do you mean only Tamil Brahmins get traumized and not rest of humanity.

I got more results, 163,000,000 for "Taking care of your cat". Please don't go totally by the number of search results.

If rest of humanity devalues marriage as you say, why do people get married? Have you read a magazine called Reader's Digest? it emphasizes family values. Thousands of articles over the years about marriages, how to be happy in one, making marriage work etc. I quoted the Catholic religion. Even Catholics according to you do not value marriage.

In a nut shell your point of view is that only Tamil Brahmins value marriages and so are affected by divorce. I do not know in which world you are living.

So you think the Tamil Brahmins are the only people who value marriage. Not the millions of Catholics. You think people other than Tamil Brahmins get married for the heck of it? Or the fun of it? Especially in the West where you can have sex without getting trapped in a marriage.


The number of marriages is on the decline. This seems to be the trend in the west. Even if there are a lot of people who get married now, it may not be so in the future if the trend continues. The west is increasingly seeing marriage as something dispensable


It is a social experiment. No one has ever predicted that marriages rae going to disappear all over the world.

Good luck with the experiment is all I can say.

The girl's life is sacrificed for protecting the standing of the parents. Is it a self less act. Which sasthra tells you to sacrifice the welfare of your child for your social standing. Does not the scriptures prescribe a duty for the parents? Do the Tamil brahmins believe the children are to be the sacrificial goats for protecting their standing in the community.

When did social standing become a Brahminicl value? It is not. It goes against the very basics of Brahminical values

Why do you want to assume that it is ONLY for the standing in the society that the parents wanted the marriage to continue?

 

[sankara_sharmah]

You mean that the rest of the world does not take marriage seriously. A statemnt which is preposterous to say the least. I have shown how the West and rest of the world also values marriages. Marriage as an institution would not have survived if humanity did not value it.[/COLOR]

You are saying that only the tamil Brahmin couples are emotionally involved. The rest of the world is not involved in marriages. No emotional involvement Again a statement which is preposterous to say the least.

If the West valued marriage so much, they would not have sought an alternative to it.

I will talk about Trauma later

I got About 15,700,000 results in Google (0.32 seconds) for "trauma of divorce" Thousands of articles like these
How to survive the trauma of divorce | Mail Online
How to Deal With the Trauma of Divorce | eHow.com

If there is no trauma why these thousands of articles about it. Do you mean only Tamil Brahmins get traumized and not rest of humanity.

I got more results, 163,000,000 for "Taking care of your cat". Please don't go totally by the number of search results.

If rest of humanity devalues marriage as you say, why do people get married? Have you read a magazine called Reader's Digest? it emphasizes family values. Thousands of articles over the years about marriages, how to be happy in one, making marriage work etc. I quoted the Catholic religion. Even Catholics according to you do not value marriage.

In a nut shell your point of view is that only Tamil Brahmins value marriages and so are affected by divorce. I do not know in which world you are living.

So you think the Tamil Brahmins are the only people who value marriage. Not the millions of Catholics. You think people other than Tamil Brahmins get married for the heck of it? Or the fun of it? Especially in the West where you can have sex without getting trapped in a marriage.


The number of marriages is on the decline. This seems to be the trend in the west. Even if there are a lot of people who get married now, it may not be so in the future if the trend continues. The west is increasingly seeing marriage as something dispensable


It is a social experiment. No one has ever predicted that marriages rae going to disappear all over the world.

Good luck with the experiment is all I can say.

The girl's life is sacrificed for protecting the standing of the parents. Is it a self less act. Which sasthra tells you to sacrifice the welfare of your child for your social standing. Does not the scriptures prescribe a duty for the parents? Do the Tamil brahmins believe the children are to be the sacrificial goats for protecting their standing in the community.

When did social standing become a Brahminicl value? It is not. It goes against the very basics of Brahminical values

Why do you want to assume that it is ONLY for the standing in the society that the parents wanted the marriage to continue?

I give up. You can wake a man who is asleep. But you can not wake a man who is pretending to sleep.

 

[HARE RAMA HARE KRISHNA]

i think marriage bring some control over attraction to opposite sex. if not we may desire every available opposite sex.

 

[amala]

Lol HRHK that is the funniest statement I have heard in a longgg time! ..

 

[amala]

I want to quickly comment on SravnaJi's post somewhere...I agree to an extent about equality and feminism. Liberal feminism is the biggest con in the West!

 

[SANDHYAV]

At least now it is no longer a trauma that it used to be in India. Things can only get better, fortunately or unfortunately. Please don't mistake that I like to see people traumatized. But the fact is only when you were involved in the relationship you get that emotional reaction.

I will talk about Trauma later.

what if the divorce has not occurred. the trauma of living with a partner for life, with a conflict which u cannot resolve, it is always better to get divorced first and then think about what the society will think.

there will be billions of psychiatrists doing billions of studies on divorcees and conclude billions of things. on the battle field u want to get out unhurt first and then think about any thing else.

To add spice to the so called marriage contract or sacred nature of the 2 day laborious chanting ( with due respect to all those who have very strong faith in the rituals - there will be trillions who will believe in trillion rituals for another trillion years), POST DIVORCE, NOW-A-DAYS, the partners on either side are emotionally blackmailed and made to meet. they are asked to consider their ex a friend, sister etc, which may be spiritually satisfying, but if there is no gross mental problem with either of the partners, then this sh*t needs to be removed.

its done and dusted for ever, at-least for the young ones. the old ones can start chanting whatever they want.

BY DEFINITION: DIVORCE means complete cessation of relationship between the two partners.

 

[SANDHYAV]

In this Post divorce Magic:

I know a few,
one side is willing to be friend,
the other side is not willing, and wants to consider his ex an acquaintance, which means he just want to keep a little memory of her. and not to refresh it by going and meeting etc.

This craziness is a gift of the psychologist for sure.

 

[sangom]

I notice that we have left the specific case in the OP and discussions are on very general lines about marriage, divorce, etc.

I feel that marriage is no longer a sacred institution and husband-wife relationship, something to be continued till the end of life of whoever predeceases the spouse. Because of several factors operating over a period of time, marriage today is reduced to selection of a sex-mate and the law of demand & supply operates extremely effectively in the marriage market. AFA the tabra community today is concerned, there are less number of girls in the market than boys, and so the girls command premium value. This truth is known to, more than anyone else, the eligible girls and their parents, imo.

Secondly, the tabra community was, for the last several decades, in the forefront of giving as much education as possible to girl children. This, coupled with the IT industry boom and the continued job prospects in that sector, has ensured that tabra girls generally are able to secure a reasonably well-paying job which makes them capable of living without any financial support from their parents, brothers or even (future) husbands. Therefore, tabra girls look upon their marriage more and more as the legally and socially approved way of leading a conjugal life, without any social stigma. Side by side with all these changes, girls also insist on equality of husband and wife in shouldering all the burdens of their joint household, from the daily chores to child rearing.

Two points which strike me as rather incongruent in the above scenario, are :—

1. Girls are generally reluctant to spend their earnings towards even half of the household expenses. They want their husbands to be the "earning" member for the family, while the wife's earnings are spent by her according to her wishes, either for her parents and siblings or towards her hobbies, pastimes, etc.

2. Girls generally oppose their in-laws coming and staying in their nuclear family even for short periods of one or two months but, at the same time, there are several cases where the girls get the boys agree, even before marriage is finalized, to their (i.e., the girl's) parents living with them on permanent basis.

Considering these points and how much the scales are tilted against themselves, some very eligible tabra boys - well-qualified, very good earnings, no bad habits, good family backgrounds and well-settled abroad/India and having at least one crore or more of assets/savings - going by their incomes (I know two or three such people personally) have decided that it is wiser not to marry. And, they seem to be happy even though they are all nearing their fifties now. May be this is the best solution for tabra boys till the marriage market again turns in their favour

 

[C RAVI]

Shri Sravna,


I gone through all your posts and for me it makes a very true and real sense. I, for sure, hold the same perception.


By going through many others post in this thread, that all are in contrary to that of your view points, I am getting the following impression, -


1) Marriage is considered just as a legal partnership with a perfect and balanced give and take between the spouse and nothing else!! But still, a husband as a MAN should bear the brunt of the failed contract by way of compensations. That is how the legal systems are framed to punish only MEN.

2) Divorce is considered to be the quickest and best way out, the moment there is a sort of disagreement and confusions between the couples. Because, no one has the legal obligation to forgo their likes and preferences just to make other happy and comfortable. And parents should immediately file a divorce case in support of their daughters.


3) If marriage is considered to be sacred it means spouse are subjected to religious bigotry, by which they are forcefully and mercilessly expected to suffer hell in the hands of each other. LOL!!! Thus, never to consider marriage as sacred. It is just a contract, supposed to be a perfect contract till the parties involved could keep getting at most positive, favorable and higly satisfied performance evaluations. Failling which, at any point, the contract should be terminated without wasting the precious time of one's personal life.

4) Marriages are conducted for sons and daughters only to fulfill social obligations and nothing else. LOL!!! Only to Show Off and only to throw party. LOL!! There is no hard rule that the couples who got their union solemnized should try their best to make true sense of their solemnized togetherness. It is just a public declaration of marriage between the two (so that people don't question the moralities of the boy and the girl who are going to be into intimate physical relationship) that got nothing to do with the sense of family/relationship values.


5) Western people do have family values and take mariage as a serious affair. But, they are not fools to lose their personal likes and preferences. Thus, they get into marriage termination even in a very short notice to ensure fulfillment of their personal interest by repeated re-marriage as much as required. They value human needs and their sense of humanity is the best value of their honorable culture.


6) In India, Divorce is a stigma. Parents are afraid of their image in the society and nothing else. This trend need to be changed and people should learn from the Western values of human's personal likes and preferences thought life. People in India should understand that human live once and till the death should not be subjected to any sort of adjustments and compromises. If they are expected to sacrfice a bit and give way to their spouse, it would only mean a lack of sense of humanity and would prove the Indian society only as a primitive society.


-----------

If we need not to consider marriage as sacred, we should not waste our money, time and energy to organized a ritualistic marriage with the help of a purohit, in order to solemnize the event meant for life long journey together. Just a marriage registration in the government office and throwing a party with pomp and show should suffice.


PS. -


1) This post of mine is not meant to attack any member here who all have expressed their diversed views.

2) This post of mine is just my personal impressions that I could get from reading many posts here, in this thread.

3) I have registered my comments by considering the other posts ONLY as different opinions and perceptions that people of Indian origin can hold in this matter. Not considering as the views of any specific member that need to be refuted by attacks.

 

[Raghy]

Greetings.

Discussion in this thread have drifted about general things, away from the OP. After reading the OP once again along with some of the postings, I have a feeling the girl may not have done anything horrible. I have a feeling the boy may not be approaching the whole thing tactfully. Its just a shame.

Unfortunately that is the biggest misgiving in the 'arranged marriage' practices. Neither the boy nor the girl require the 'skills' to attract and retain Mr/Miss Right. For these Indian born boys/girls everything is done by someone else and they get the start on a silver plate with all the trimmings. That's why neither the boy nor the girl seems not to know about the value of a partner.

I have noticed youngsters going through hoops to get the right partner. Applies to both sexes. I really don't think Indian children in India cultivate such skills. When I watch most Tamizh movies, 'love' starts for ridiculous reasons; seldom the guy/girl win each other. I beginning to doubt our youngsters even know the concept of winning a spouse.

Good luck to that girl. But honestly I feel her wedded husband did not deserve her. She was serious enough to go back to him like a boomerang.. he must be nuts not to accept her. Very sad indeed.

 

[Raghy]

So basically long lasting does not mean happiness..its just like the stainless steel plates that can last a lifetime and take in all the dents and finally we get a dysfunctional plate!LOL

you are right...recently i met a guy....who completed his 25th yr marriage anniversaary....i asked abt his family journey....

he summed like wise....it was arranged marriage....so love started after maarage...it lasted abt initial 5 yrs...then he got

first child....after 5 yrs second child....the wife become mother more than a wife....she spends more time with children...

after some yrs...she was completely neglected her husband.....she became fulltime mother ...part time wife....

i asked how was last 25 yrs married life...he just replied....initially koncham kudithanam for first 5 yrs...then balance

20 years verum kuppai kottinen.....குப்பை கொட்டறது என்றல் வெறும் ஒரு அர்த்தம் இல்லாமல் தாம்பத்திய வாழ்கை ...

this is reality for many married guys now a days...

Hi TBS, Greetings.

You seem to have met someone who doesn't know quite a few things. Wife becomes mother after the first delivery.... yes. But that doesn't mean she became any less sexier..... if not more sexier!

To make it worst, this guy seem to have lead a meaningless life for 20 long years!... Come on! He just doesn't seem to be cluey at all!

Girls are just girls even in the late 40s.. early 50s.. If the oven has gone cold, most often it is not the oven's mistake, is it?

A girl would seldom neglect a guy... sometimes the guys got to be more innovative, more imaginative..

You know something?... for any self respecting girl, a new kind of carefree life often starts after menopause!.... it's up to the guy to tap it!

Cheers!

 

[kunjuppu]

Dear Renu,

There might have been a master plan in this story by the girl and her boy-friend. I pity the poor guy who married that girl!

There are many stories of betrayal by girls. One of the close friends of my son, also an IITan, was well settled in the U S of A

with a good salary. His so called girl-friend took monetary help from him to find a good university to continue her studies

and he organized for everything including her air ticket. As soon as she landed there, he met her at the airport only to be greeted

by her with these words, 'You are so great, aNNaa! Even if had a real brother, he would not have helped me so much! I shall

never forget what all you have done for me!' and left with a better looking lover guy, who was also awaiting her arrival! That

'aNNaa' guy had to visit a psychiatrist a few times, to get rid of depression! Some girls are really very smart! hwell:

Hilarious!!

i think you hit the nail on the head with the term 'so called girlfriend'. in her mind, she probably never was, though she suspected the feelings of the boy, and took advantage of it. the rewards were too high (atleast for her) to ignore.

in this case, i really wonder, if the boy ever expressed his feelings to the girl. many a times, we assume that friendship equals to conjugal love. there is a wide gap there, which, maybe, this boy, was not aware or assumed a relationship when all that the girl had for him was an aNNa type of relationship.

i cannot imagine, this girl, or any girl for that matter, having openly confessed her love, and then at the end of it all, aNNafying the whole episode.

though that too might happen.

 

[tbs]

Hi TBS, Greetings.

You seem to have met someone who doesn't know quite a few things. Wife becomes mother after the first delivery.... yes. But that doesn't mean she became any less sexier..... if not more sexier!

To make it worst, this guy seem to have lead a meaningless life for 20 long years!... Come on! He just doesn't seem to be cluey at all!

Girls are just girls even in the late 40s.. early 50s.. If the oven has gone cold, most often it is not the oven's mistake, is it?

A girl would seldom neglect a guy... sometimes the guys got to be more innovative, more imaginative..

You know something?... for any self respecting girl, a new kind of carefree life often starts after menopause!.... it's up to the guy to tap it!

Cheers!

hi raghy sir,
i agreed with u...he is just another innocent tamram guy...he is not smart like you and I....i know what u say....this is typical

AMMANCHI story....any way its look like CERTIFIED USED CAR....may be cheaper than new car..but maintainance cost much

more....new car has maintainance less....but old car may be long run costly...so prefer CERTIFIED USED VEHICLE.....LOL

 

[tbs]

Dear Renu,

There might have been a master plan in this story by the girl and her boy-friend. I pity the poor guy who married that girl!

There are many stories of betrayal by girls. One of the close friends of my son, also an IITan, was well settled in the U S of A

with a good salary. His so called girl-friend took monetary help from him to find a good university to continue her studies

and he organized for everything including her air ticket. As soon as she landed there, he met her at the airport only to be greeted

by her with these words, 'You are so great, aNNaa! Even if had a real brother, he would not have helped me so much! I shall

never forget what all you have done for me!' and left with a better looking lover guy, who was also awaiting her arrival! That

'aNNaa' guy had to visit a psychiatrist a few times, to get rid of depression! Some girls are really very smart! hwell:

i
hi RR madam,

like a tamil movie...taking advantage fully...finally called as ANNAH..... easy way to escape..like tamil sentimental movie...

girl friend suddenly became THANGACHIII...boy friend became a ANNAN....nice story for movie or mega serial for tv...

 

[renuka]

i think marriage bring some control over attraction to opposite sex. if not we may desire every available opposite sex.

LOL!

I agree.

 

[renuka]

I really do not buy this whole marriage stuff as sacred etc..

Look at the meaning of the word Varadakshina..Vara(groom) and Dakshina(fee).

What is so sacred about a marriage when one has to pay the groom a fee to marry a bride.

It's like fixing a price for the male and putting him on sale just like some females pay for some scantily clad male dancer at some joint!LOL

Then it is also argued that Vara Dakshina is actually the girls share of the father's property..so has to be given to the girl.
If that is the case then why call it Vara Dakshina?

It should have been called Vadhu Dakshina(Bride Fee) given by a father to his daughter when she gets married.

Calling it Vara Dakshina only means that the men can start demanding higher amounts eventually.

So for me I feel marriages were never sacred to start with....It is just a socio economic contract for continuation of species.

 

[Raji Ram]

Marriage is a business deal!

Just look at the conditions from a tambram girl... Quite a long list:

What we are looking for

01. Should be well educated and be in a good job and well earning

02. Should be good looking (Complexion not a matter)

03. Should be a tee totaller (i.e. no bad habits)

04. Should be very understanding and caring.

05. Should be really patient.

06. Should love children.

07. Should love me.

08. Should Love music and dance many kinds and also nature

09. Should strongly oppose domestic violence, corporal punishment or any kind of physical abuse.

10. Should have some belief in God and should observe and follow certain traditional values.

11. Should not be too orthodox or too primitive in thoughts. can be modern .

12. Should not have a bad temperament.

13. Should have good moral values and practices.

14. Should be more supportive at all times.

15. Should be able to manage efficiently when i am out of station.

16. Should also share household chores during holidays or so.

17. Should have ideas or other views in common with me.

18. Should willingly help me when needed.


P.S: She could have put it in a nut shell: I need an obedient servant who is an :angel:

 

[renuka]

Marriage is a business deal!

Just look at the conditions from a tambram girl... Quite a long list:

What we are looking for

01. Should be well educated and be in a good job and well earning

02. Should be good looking (Complexion not a matter)

03. Should be a tee totaller (i.e. no bad habits)

04. Should be very understanding and caring.

05. Should be really patient.

06. Should love children.

07. Should love me.

08. Should Love music and dance many kinds and also nature

09. Should strongly oppose domestic violence, corporal punishment or any kind of physical abuse.

10. Should have some belief in God and should observe and follow certain traditional values.

11. Should not be too orthodox or too primitive in thoughts. can be modern .

12. Should not have a bad temperament.

13. Should have good moral values and practices.

14. Should be more supportive at all times.

15. Should be able to manage efficiently when i am out of station.

16. Should also share household chores during holidays or so.

17. Should have ideas or other views in common with me.

18. Should willingly help me when needed.


P.S: She could have put it in a nut shell: I need an obedient servant who is an :angel:

Dear RR ji,

That way I am a good girl..when I was receiving proposals all I wanted was:

1) A professional..an engineer or a doctor.
didnt want lawyers cos lawyers drink lots of alcohol and have non stop parties for clients.

2)A person who is modern in out look and with firm faith in God.
I did not want any Atheist or Agnostic! No way man..can't stand such guys!LOL

3)A person whose looks matched mine so that we will be a matching couple.

4)A person who does not drink or smoke.

5)A person who did not mind me being a vegetarian.

6)A person whose mum and dad are not too traditional.