Yet another failed marriage

[biswa]

Share:

Facebook X (Twitter) LinkedIn WhatsApp Email Share Link

I assume this argument holds for females desiring multiple partners too (perhaps one macho and the other sensitive)?

But then it becomes a communal marriage.

Dear RR ji,

It is kind of a misunderstood fact that being non monogamous is purely for physical pleasure.

Most of the while that is not the case..I have noted that some people need a mental partner that is a partner whose IQ matches.
It could very well be platonic too sometimes.

Remember Sage Yajnavalkya had 2 wives..The 1st wife was just a regular types of woman who used to cook and clean with no desire for any intellectual discussion.

The 2nd wife Maitreyi was his intellectual equal or I would also say even better than him at times...if we observe all their discussions.

That is what I am saying..each partner has a different role to play.

 

[Raji Ram]

Difference in 'wave lengths'........ Watch this:

Sindhu Bhairavi - Sivakumar Insults

 

[Raji Ram]

Nice.

1. But no vegetarian requirement?

2. Also help with household chores only during holidays? Free pass on weekdays?

3. Also how about: will not look at other women, even when I am not around.

Guess work:

1. Who cares about what he eats! Anyway, she will not prepare!

2. Subway food on week days! So no need to cook.

3. Once married, the partner may hate all females!! :lol:

 

[renuka]

I assume this argument holds for females desiring multiple partners too (perhaps one macho and the other sensitive)?

But then it becomes a communal marriage.

Good point but wait..provided both the macho and the sensitive fit into this:

01. Should be well educated and be in a good job and well earning

02. Should be good looking (Complexion not a matter)

03. Should be a tee totaller (i.e. no bad habits)

04. Should be very understanding and caring.

05. Should be really patient.

06. Should love children.

07. Should love me.

08. Should Love music and dance many kinds and also nature

09. Should strongly oppose domestic violence, corporal punishment or any kind of physical abuse.

10. Should have some belief in God and should observe and follow certain traditional values.

11. Should not be too orthodox or too primitive in thoughts. can be modern .

12. Should not have a bad temperament.

13. Should have good moral values and practices.

14. Should be more supportive at all times.

15. Should be able to manage efficiently when i am out of station.

16. Should also share household chores during holidays or so.

17. Should have ideas or other views in common with me.

18. Should willingly help me when needed.

 

[Raji Ram]

I assume this argument holds for females desiring multiple partners too (perhaps one macho and the other sensitive)?

But then it becomes a communal marriage.

NeengLum pudhu 'idea' kodukkAdheenga, Sir!!

 

[renuka]

Difference in 'wave lengths'........ Watch this:

Sindhu Bhairavi - Sivakumar Insults

Dear RR ji,

But one fact remains is men will have load of excuses..

If the 1st wife is an intellectual types..husband might want a regular types for second wife and vice versa.

If they get someone who is a perfect package of everything..he will get an inferiority complex.

Basically polygamous behavior gives a sense of control thats all..like how a person controls cattle in a farm.

When he is in control he gets a high feeling.

So control freaks might actually be closet polygamous individuals.

 

[tks]

Dear RR ji,

It is kind of a misunderstood fact that being non monogamous is purely for physical pleasure.

Most of the while that is not the case..I have noted that some people need a mental partner that is a partner whose IQ matches.
It could very well be platonic too sometimes.

Remember Sage Yajnavalkya had 2 wives..The 1st wife was just a regular types of woman who used to cook and clean with no desire for any intellectual discussion.

The 2nd wife Maitreyi was his intellectual equal or I would also say even better than him at times...if we observe all their discussions.

That is what I am saying..each partner has a different role to play.

Dr Renu

I am wondering who would be a role model couple

How about Bill Clinton and Hillary Clinton ...

They both are life long friends - it is hard to fake the affectionate looks they give each other when they have been photographed in private.

He is a like a சாப்பாட்டுராமன் (one who love to eat) and she hates to cook -

But they like each other intellectually and in every other way - team work, power play, love of politics, making money etc

So she does not want him to have emotional entanglement with anyone but if he needs a snack now and then - she says why not provided she does not have to cook.

They may even discuss in detail what a wonderful snack he had ...She loves him so much that she can share his joy!

She never wants him to get caught and then helped to bail him out due to her deep love and affection.

Married to each other, love each other, love each other to the point she supports all his interests, love their daughter, intellectually turned on by each other, respect each other, praise each other in private and public and vow to be married forever.

VP Al Gore who seemed the clean one could not keep his marriage intact.

True love means allowing your husband to have fun

I wrote the above in jest - not to offend anyone who likes to worship the concept of marriage

 

[renuka]

Dr Renu

I am wondering who would be a role model couple

How about Bill Clinton and Hillary Clinton ...

They both are life long friends - it is hard to fake the affectionate looks they give each other when they have been photographed in private.

He is a like a சாப்பாட்டுராமன் (one who love to eat) and she hates to cook -

But they like each other intellectually and in every other way - team work, power play, love of politics, making money etc

So she does not want him to have emotional entanglement with anyone but if he needs a snack now and then - she says why not provided she does not have to cook.

They may even discuss in detail what a wonderful snack he had ...She loves him so much that she can share his joy!

She never wants him to get caught and then helped to bail him out due to her deep love and affection.

Married to each other, love each other, love each other to the point she supports all his interests, love their daughter, intellectually turned on by each other, respect each other, praise each other in private and public and vow to be married forever.

VP Al Gore who seemed the clean one could not keep his marriage intact.

True love means allowing your husband to have fun

I wrote the above in jest - not to offend anyone who likes to worship the concept of marriage

Dear TKS ji,

I read somewhere that she had an ambition to become the 1st lady and then paved her way hoping to be the 1st female president of USA in the future (if people vote her).

So she has always planned and groomed him and shaped him to be the president...that is what I read once before..so if she over reacts to any Lewinsky she could lose her ambition.

Now coming true love is allowing husband to have fun..I have seen many cases here like that cos the wives too are having fun!LOL

Well we should not judge anyone...Ha Ha Ha..

 

[tks]

Dear TKS ji,

I read somewhere that she had an ambition to become the 1st lady and then paved her way hoping to be the 1st female president of USA in the future (if people vote her).

So she has always planned and groomed him and shaped him to be the president...that is what I read once before..so if she over reacts to any Lewinsky she could lose her ambition.

Now coming true love is allowing husband to have fun..I have seen many cases here like that cos the wives too are having fun!LOL

Well we should not judge anyone...Ha Ha Ha..

I tend to think that they do like and love each other - they do not fall into a traditional definition..
I dont think it is all linked only for power only. It is hard to fake her admiration & affection for him.

Anyone having preconceived notions about marriage and partnerships are the ones shocked. They do not have a 'open marriage' though they may be fairly self secure to allow the other one to play (mostly Bill I guess )

Who are we to say theirs is not genuine affection and assign ulterior motives?

During the whole impeachment time I thought the ones who were most critical of them are the ones who in my limited sample untrustworthy.

The ones who keep talking about sanctity of marriage repeatedly are not to be trusted..

 

[renuka]

The ones who keep talking about sanctity of marriage repeatedly are not to be trusted..

Dear TKS ji,

I fully agree..these are the smooth criminal types!LOL

 

[sravna]

Dear Sri. Sravna, Greetings.

I quite agree with you when you say we should not act on our instincts ( but that's what I do most of the times!). Yes, we should be thinking, we should be analysing, looking at the pros and cons. But what happens if the thinking goes too far? In my opinion, we do. All these checking horoscopes, checking this and that... often times almost splitting the hair type of analysing.. can just be too much.

Any relationship should be respected. Then again, every individual should be respected as an individual too. First thing is an individual.. then comes relationship. Most often than not, such concepts don't happen. That's when the relationship starts disintegrating.

In the case of a man and wife, the relationship gets more complicated. Personally I haven't quite mastered it so, I should refrain from commenting.

Cheers!

Dear Shri Raghy,

The advantage in placing the relationship above the individual is that you don't get easily offended by what is a personal attack. If you can do this, you can definitely not offend the individual and give him the necessary respect. So respecting the individual is actually a consequence of respecting the relationship but it is not vice versa.

It is very difficult to have a balanced thinking. So we should expect that at least thinking be such that it doesn't offend or hurt others. One driven by emotions and instincts is often not very healthy, not only to others but also to self.

 

[rishikesan]

Dear All, I am reading all the above. My outlook &opinion is simple. Once the Couple is married , either live separately within the country, within the city or in U.S, as is the case in 90 percent, what is to be understood is this = When you start the family life, whatever the Status, start with the idea of doing things , including day-to-day small helps for the other & vice-versa.
It means you express your love thru. small/ positive actions, which would unconsciouly create a bond , that will bring you so close , when you are intimate & make LOVE all the while. Either the Husband or the Wife in all such positions would fa
ll for one another. What else one need to create the Foundation of a HAPPY married life.?
After getting responses I can write further & even ready to counsel over Phone if any indiv
idual or couple need I am 80 & my wife is 70 & can be contacted at (044) 24806871/24842279 , includ
ing Astrological solutions to problems.

A.Srinivasan (Rishikesan) for this Forum )

& mrs Janaki
& make LOVE all the while.
ive actions which will ples
includind day-to-day small things
stood is
%., what is to be understood is{-

 

[Raji Ram]

.......The ones who keep talking about sanctity of marriage repeatedly are not to be trusted..

:boom:

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Rishikesan Sir,

Many tambrams are loosing their faith in 'horoscope matching', because of the increase in number of divorces!

A silent girl chosen is found to be a 'mental' but the efficient Kerala astrologers (Two of them were consulted)

could not find 'this' out and said that the horoscopes match perfectly. It is so sad to hear the news of divorce

within three months of conducting a grand gAlA wedding!

 

[sravna]

The ones who keep talking about sanctity of marriage repeatedly are not to be trusted..

Dear Shri TKS,

You are generalising. Yes I agree there are people who are hypocrites. But there are also people, albeit small in number who are genuine. Let us not brand both the types in the same way.

 

[SANDHYAV]

Dear Sandhya,

She did the right thing..this type of guys are selfish..after all even the President of USA has time to spend with family.

One does not study 24/7 even for a Phd..so why couldn't he pay her some attention?

This is what I call taking a person for granted.

Just to use this example a bit more. the parents on either side can have a bigger role in this. if it is purely arranged marriage, then for years parental voice remains on either side. the guys parents could have played a major role in him not visiting, inspite of there being no monetory constraints. this is where BEHAVIOUR BECOMES important. what i mean is physical visits are more important than phone chats or forum typings. cos, phone and chats are more ATTITUDES and THOUGHTS. how can you like someone, who is chatting over the net and having vvvvvvv good online behaviour and finally showing a big B*M, which is s*xually/physically distasteful. ..........a problem with purely arranged marriage, even a very poor girl/boy watches tv/cinema and knows what is grossly distasteful to him/her.

some parents - in - laws are perceived as a big bull doing some business by the affected partner and i know of parents even after years of marriage working in a unilateral way supporting either partners, instead looking at the couple as a unit.

MUCH WATER HAS PASSED UNDER THE TABLE in this thread.

If there are children then it becomes basically a bit difficult i think as of now, but with enough back up this can be thwarted as well, i am yet to come across someone with children going through divorce, although there are enough stories available on the cine/dailies.

 

[tks]

Dear Shri TKS,

You are generalising. Yes I agree there are people who are hypocrites. But there are also people, albeit small in number who are genuine. Let us not brand both the types in the same way.

The key word is 'repeatedly' - yes that is subjective ..I do not care to comments about anyone here in the forum..But those who repeatedly talk about such things are more likely than not hypocrites.

Those 'gay bashers' - politicians and preachers turned out to be themselves gay in many instances ..

"The lady doth protest too much, methink" quote summarizes the point

 

[SANDHYAV]

the example is here:

I know a girl who threw her husband out of her rented flat just becoz she saw her b*m completely only 3 months after marriage and she hated his physique to the core. The hatred came becoz he was doing a phd and although rich and staying in a near by city, did not visit her at all for 2 years. and after his phd when they both finally settled down in a flat, this guy thought he will be more comfy showing off everything and this girl then thought what the heck. and threw him out.

of course the guy was rich and got a divorce easily paying 5 lacs per sitting with the lawyer.The guy even got married withing few months.

 

[sravna]

Dear Rishikesan Sir,

Many tambrams are loosing their faith in 'horoscope matching', because of the increase in number of divorces!

A silent girl chosen is found to be a 'mental' but the efficient Kerala astrologers (Two of them were consulted)

could not find 'this' out and said that the horoscopes match perfectly. It is so sad to hear the news of divorce

within three months of conducting a grand gAlA wedding!

Dear Smt. RR,

I think it is basically not the case of wrong prediction. This is something due to the effect of the time or age we are in. I think we need to factor that into the prediction. What is not good in a satya yuga or the golden yuga may be good in a kali yuga. So it would be actually ok to be more selfish in a kali yuga just to protect oneself from the ubiquitous wickedness around.

I am not that much well versed in astrology but learned members may throw some light on this.

 

[tbs]

hi sandhya....

Origi

nally Posted by SANDHYAV

I know a girl who threw her husband out of her rented flat just becoz she saw her b*m completely only 3 months after marriage and she hated his physique to the core. The hatred came becoz he was doing a phd and although rich and staying in a near by city, did not visit her at all for 2 years. and after his phd when they both finally settled down in a flat, this guy thought he will be more comfy showing off everything and this girl then thought what the heck. and threw him out.

of course the guy was rich and got a divorce easily paying 5 lacs per sitting with the lawyer.The guy even got married withing few months.


i guess some fishy...he might be GAY....who knows?

 

[ozone]

But werent we a while ago drilled down to view everyone - gay, a mental, a handicap with the same degree of respect, admiration, capability and not discriminate them because of their make up. Why is it when it comes to personal choice we find these as defects and expect the astrologers to read their real minds and give them the correct (read expected) response?

 

[Raji Ram]

........ I think it is basically not the case of wrong prediction. This is something due to the effect of the time or age we are in. I think we need to factor that into the prediction. What is not good in a satya yuga or the golden yuga may be good in a kali yuga. So it would be actually ok to be more selfish in a kali yuga just to protect oneself from the ubiquitous wickedness around.

I am not that much well versed in astrology but learned members may throw some light on this.

Dear Sir,

The efficient and learned astrologer's help is sought to find the perfect match for a groom or bride. The astrologer predicts many

aspects about the would be partner, after reading the horoscope thoroughly. I shall tell you just two examples. An efficient astrologer

predicted that one of the grooms in my close family circle will get a very fair partner. But he got a not-so-fair girl as partner. When

we asked the astrologer about this, he said that if the wedding was fixed before the transit of Rahu she would have been a fair girl!

It is said that the partner we get is by our karmA in previous birth and so it should be the one and only person! How can the predicted

'fair girl' become dark by the transit of Rahu? We were totally confused!!

The same astrologer said after reading a girl's horoscope not to proceed with the alliance, because within one year of marriage,

she will get separated from the person she marries. So we did not proceed. Later on we learnt that she got married to someone

from Delhi but came back to her parents within six months! So, should we believe astrology or not???

 

[sangom]

suraju06 Sir

" Living in a family together is a beautiful experience. It ends only when one of the two members die"


Is a realistic view of those couple live when their son/ daughter families are in a foreign land; our son with his family is in US and our daughter with her family is in UK; so we decided to live with our son's family and visit occasionally our daughter who is in UK.
Both of us are old, i am nearing 74 , my wife 67; so we decided to apply for Green card and got it; we can now visit India/UK any time after completing a stay of 180 days in US; but we must re enter US before the expiry of another 180 days. This gives us a sort of freedom to go round as we have 5 year UK visa too.
As you have rightly said 'Living in a family together is a beautiful experience. It ends only when one of the two members die' is going to come any day to us.
To some extend , the love from grand children, son, daughter in law can compensate but not altogether.
I am of the opinion a woman can manage to stay alone without her husband with son's family, but for a man without wife might prove a difficult task.
Don't know how other members react to this.

Shri PJ sir,

I see many members writing here to the effect that marriage is a sacred relationship, etc., but they also add that it ends only when one of the two members (spouses) die. I do not look upon marriage as a "sacred" relationship. Smt. RR has written, in her post # 129 above that the word 'sacred' also means the following :—

a. Made or declared holy.

b. Dedicated or devoted exclusively to a single person.

c. Worthy of respect; venerable.

But, I find that all the above can be ascribed only in association with religious reverence, to the word sacred and not in a mundane way.
The nearest that my understanding of marriage comes to is "a solemn promise to make each other their spouse", and, because the laws applicable to Tabras does not permit polygamy or polyandry as of today, this solemn human promise works to restrict a man/woman from having sexual contact with any other.

But, within this human (and not sacred) contract, I feel that the relationship just does not end as soon as one person dies. It continues till both the persons die and may be it lasts even beyond that, but we are unable to know anything beyond death.

Our so-called "sacred-relationship" lobby's bluff seems to be exposed by their own repeated assertion that all this sacred wish-wash goes off, the very moment one of the spouses throws the head (maṇṭaiyaip poṭuvatu)! That is all the sacredness they find in it, strange!

As regards your post, living with son/daughter and grandchildren in a foreign country is a very sweet dream as long as it is a dream, but it is not that likeable when the dream is translated into actuality. Of course, some people may be lucky to have a "foreign death" just as our forefathers wished for their death in Kasi! Beyond that, all families living abroad, be it son or daughter will feel the old parents/in-laws as a burden only but, depending on their refinement, they may or may not express it to our discomfort. Old parents will be tolerated as long as these old people can at least look after themselves and the grandchildren and be of some "use" but once you are sick or bed-ridden, you are no longer old age but become "garb-age". So, I for one, will not support going and settling on a long-term basis with our children.

 

[sravna]

Dear Sir,

The efficient and learned astrologer's help is sought to find the perfect match for a groom or bride. The astrologer predicts many

aspects about the would be partner, after reading the horoscope thoroughly. I shall tell you just two examples. An efficient astrologer

predicted that one of the grooms in my close family circle will get a very fair partner. But he got a not-so-fair girl as partner. When

we asked the astrologer about this, he said that if the wedding was fixed before the transit of Rahu she would have been a fair girl!

It is said that the partner we get is by our karmA in previous birth and so it should be the one and only person! How can the predicted

'fair girl' become dark by the transit of Rahu? We were totally confused!!

The same astrologer said after reading a girl's horoscope not to proceed with the alliance, because within one year of marriage,

she will get separated from the person she marries. So we did not proceed. Later on we learnt that she got married to someone

from Delhi but came back to her parents within six months! So, should we believe astrology or not???

Dear Smt.RR,

Astrology rules imo can be logically explained but I think no such effort has been so far made. So it is still accepted by faith by those who are religious minded. But wrong predictions can have an effect on that faith.

In my opinion astrology can be explained logically rule by rule if someone can decipher the intuition.

 

[C RAVI]

Sri Sangom Sir's post #126 for reference:



In the மஞ்சள் பத்திரிகை (invitation printed in yellow paper) the word விவாஹ is followed by சுப முஹூர்ததம் . I do not think that the visesena vaahayati iti has any diabolical connotatiopns as is made out in the post. It is like the westerners interpreting Shivling as Shiva's phallus. Yes carrying away is certainly the essence of the marriage. But not stealing away like cattle rustling. In any case you dont carry away a girl and consider it as an auspicious occasion (சுப முஹூர்த்தம்). Every word and expression used by Hindus can be given a spin by plain transliteration and thus every underlying idea can be ridiculed. Marriage is certainly a means to satisfy the desire for sex not only in the male but also in the female and for progeny. But it is not just that alone. Both these ends can be achieved by going to a professional commercial sex worker. There is no need to live together for a life time much longer than the sexually active period in a couple's life. It is two young people coming together and taking several vows. Sometimes irreconcilable differences set in and the vows are forgotten and the marriage breaks unfortunately. But these are exceptions and are not the rule. Living in a family together is a beautiful experience. It ends only when one of the two members die.

Cheers.

:thumb: