Brahmin Girls Marrying (Attracted towards) NB Boys

[Singleliner]

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Going back to the roots? To which date? 1600AD just before Biritish, or 700AD , or 3000 BC?

 

[C RAVI]

Dear Mr.Ram,

The point of discussion that you have initiated is truly very important.

This acute issue prevailing in our society certainly need to be addressed.

The behavioral aspect of today's Brahmin Girls in terms of marriage is really utter disgusting.

I am 33 years old unmarried Iyer boy working in Dubai. During my past days while working in Chennai, I could come across many discussions with some of the Brahmin and Non-Brahmin girls and could come to know many points.

I could well understand the prevailing psychology of the Brahmin girls in terms of choosing a life partner.

I could derive the following points that I feel are the reasons for todays Brahmin Girls preferring Non-Brahmin boys.

The list goes like this..

1) THE FEEL THAT BRAHMIN BOYS ARE STUBBORN, HOUGHTY AND UNFRIENDLY IN COMAPRATION TO NB BOYS

[BRAHMIN GIRLS SHOULD UNDERSTAND THAT BRAHMIN BOYS PREFER TO LIVE WITH PRINCIPLES, DIPLOMACY AND DIGNITY. THEY ARE SMARTER AND MUCH RESPONSIBLE IN MAJORITY]


2) BRAHMIN GIRLS AS WELL LIKE OTHER GIRLS (AS BASIC HUMAN PSYCHOLOGY) NEEDS A LIFE PARTNER AS A FRIEND. SO THEY ARE ATTRACTED TO NB BOYS WHO GETS CLOSER TO GIRLS MUCH BETTER THAN BRAGHMIN BOYS.

[A RESPONSIBLE GIRLS SHOULD NOT GET CARRIED AWAY BY SHOW OFFS & OVER FRIENDLINESS OF THE PEOPLE]

3) TODAYS BRAHMIN GIRLS WANTS TO ENJOY LIFE TO THE MAXIMUM EXTENT (DUE INFLUENCE OF WESTERN CULTURE]. THEY WANT TO DATE AROUND, THEY WANT A GUY HOW ALLWAYS DELIVER EXTRA ORDINARY DIALOGUES AS OUR FILM HEROES, THEY WANT THEIR LIFE PARTNER TO BE ATHLETIC, TALL AND CARE FREE & MOST IMPORTANTLY SHOULD BE OPEN FOR ALL WESTERN TYPE LIFE STYLE. THAT MAY INCLUDE ANYTHING THAT THE WESTERNERS ARE INDULGING IN EVEN AFTER BECOMING A FAMILY MAN.

[THEY SHOULD UNDERSTAND THAT MOST OF WE BRAHMIN BOYS ARE MORE PRACTICAL THAN NB BOYS AND IN MOST OF THE CASES NEVER FREAK AROUND GIRLS JUST FOR THE SAKE OF ENTERTAINMENT]

4) TODAYS BRAHMIN GIRLS DON'T HAVE PATIENCE AT ALL. THEY WANT EXTRAVAGENT LIFE STYLE AND A MAN WHO CAN ALLWAYS EXHIBIT HEROISM.

[THEY SHOULD UNDERSTAND THAT A BRAHMING BOY WHO RESPECT OUR CULTURE, RITUALS, POOJAS, MANTRAMS AND BE SPIRITUAL ARE THE GREATE HEROES. BECAUSE ONLY THESE QUALITIES IN A BRAHMIN COUPLE CAN PROSPER THE WHOLE FAMILY AND WOULD BE EVER LASTING]

5) TODAYS BRAHMING GIRLS THINK THAT BRAHMIN GUYS ARE BORING, EGOISTIC, HYPOCRITE AND DOMINATING. SO THEY WANT TO GET RID OF ALL THESE AND BE A WIFE OF SOME ONE WHO DON'T HAVE CULTURE LIKE US, WHO DON'T HAVE ANY STRICT RELIGIOUS RESTRICTIONS, WHO DON'T CHANT MATRAS, SHLOKAS, PERFORM SANDHYA VANDHANAM, BE SPIRITUAL AS A PART OF LIFE AND DEMANDS THE WIFE TO BE INVOLVED SPIRITUAL WHENEVER AND WHEREVER REQUIRED.

[BRAHMIN GIRLS SHOULD LEARN TO ENJOY THIS [TRADITIONAL] LIFE STYLE AS WELL ALONG WITH MODERN LIFE STYLE THAT WE GUYS DO LOVE AND ARE COMPLYING WITH. THEY SHOULD ENJOY WEARING MADISAAR DURING OCCASSIONS, THEY SHOULD ENJOY DOING POOJA AT HOME, THEY SHOULD ENJOY OUR RIGHT CULTURE AND LOVE THEM TILL THE END OF LIFE. THEY SHOULD UNDERSTAND THAR AS WE BRAHMIN GUYS ARE ALSO LIVING IN A SOME SOCIETY WHEN NON-BRAHMINS ARE AS WELL DOMINANT IN A SOCITY/OFFICE AND NEED TO BE BEFRIEND WITH THEM, WE NEED TO BE BIT HYPOCRITICAL TO TACKLE NON-BRAHMIN GUYS...ONLY THAN A HEALTHY SOCIAL REALATIONSHIP CAN BE DEVELOPED.


I allways dream....

How wonderful it would be if a brahmin girl and a brahmin boy join hands together (get married) and embark on a ride called LIFE that is spiritual, knowledgeable, romantic, loving & caring and reach the destiny as good friends.

In fact life is boring and meaningless without spiritual involvement, without following our rich brahmin traditions. All our committed spiritual activities would help us maintaining or improving our individuality, helps attaining clear thinking, helps to be a kind hearted human and be a successful, respectful and a descent couple/family in a society.

I wish our Brahmin Girls (who are in fact the most beautiful in terms of their intelligent, their softness, their culture, piousness & behavior [that’s how girls supposed to be]) take initiatives to understand the importance of family file, understand the importance of pairing with a brahmin boy, understands the values of a brahmin family and love our culture.

Let us keep our fingers crossed and hope for the best...


Cheers...

RAVI

 

[msmani]

Dear All
I think the issue originally raised by R Prasad is something that needs to be given a serious thought.
I request Mr.Nacchinar to kindly give reference to the previous thread he is referring to.

This problem of inter-caste and marriages in general in the community has been discussed in an earlier thread.

Where are we going?

I opened the forum today with a view of writing about this and I found that alredy a thread is open on this topic.

Also I agree with an opinion expreessed here that why we talk of only girls and boys marrying NB girls. yes, as both are like two sides of a coin the issue is common for boy and girl , however I think the number is more of girls.
I think as an educated lot we also need to address the issue smarlty.
Q1-Is this really an issue for us as a community ?
I think yes, because even if a boy marries a girl from outside our community or a girl does the same, as a community we have a reluctance to accept their offsprings as brahmins. The issue has become so common that if we decide not to marry our kids to a family without intercast marraiges , you will now find it rather very diffiuclt .What I mean to say here is it has become so common in our community.

Also the issue is a question of adjustments for the girl or boy -post marriage when they start living together.Food, culural values , habbits , the list may be longer. The couple relaise the differences only afte marriage . This has resulted in problems leading to break in marriage .
Somebody has mentioned it is the happiness of the child that is important. I fully agree, however longivity of the happiness and its long term impact also needs to be thought of. Incase of arranged marriages the support of both the families and cultural continuity helps.
Q2: What are the causes for increase in such intercast marriages?
Education , liberal upbringing ,independance of our girls and boys may be a reason.
I do agree with someone mentioning the age and harmonal effect.
In most cases the other community elders agree as the girl/boy is a brahmin with very good background/education/ social standing , hence the reluctance is mostly "'token".
Further now adays the value of "love" is blown so big in movies or serials that we watch every day with our children. They grow up assimilating the thinking that to love is "great" or correct way of life.
I am not against "love". "love" is the bassis of keeping a couple together. As someone mentioned in a previous post, kids should be educated to understand between infactuation and true love.
Q3: If we think as a community it is detrimental to our youngsters , what are the steps to stem the practice?
Parents should understand the needs of their children and give them emotional support rather than seeking results from them.
In some cases the expectation of our community that all expenses of marriage to be borne by the ""girl's side" could be one of the reaons. hence we need to neutralise the effect of affordability.
Kind regards
Mani

 

[s5surya]

namaskaram

This trend is only invited by the Brahmin familieis only. Educated and Elite families of bramins if they are rich will not allow their boys married to a poor girl. A BE/MSc boy's parents will not see matching of poor girls of bramin community. I am sorry and deeply worried!. Sir please heaven's sake visit the agraharams of tirunelveli/thanjavur/tiruchirappalli in tamilnadu - we may have to see the pathetic plights of poor brahmin families. I pray the lord CHANDRAMOULISHWARAR AND GODDESS KAMATSHI to pull us from the trap.

thank u

 

[s5surya]

Sir, i do not know why you feel someone is targetted.

I did some counting and found that the number of brahmin boys married to NB girls, i know of, is higher than the number of NB boys married to brahmin girls (inclusive of brahmins of other states).

As regards caste (which i'd rather call the feeling of community in this case), each community has its own expectations of how their children should be settled. This is esp true of biz families running succesful companies who wish to enhances biz contacts or forage alliances thru the marriage of their children (which i think is rather sick on their part). If the children choose a spouse outside of that ambit, it upsets the elders.

No matter what caste, it does seem always better for a marriage to be contracted b/w equals. If a couple were the same caste too, dunno know how far a relationship wud be trouble-free if it involved a huge disparity wrt to financial background of both parties. It all seems to depend on luck and fate...

As regards other castes, came across a case that happened abt 20 years ago. An ezhava-thever couple were forcibly seperated by the boy's parents, they were made to divorce and the boy was married off to his atthai's daughter soon after the divorce. The couple were friends with someone known to us. I was young then. And conservatism levels were much higher then.

When i bcame a teenager, i only saw girls running after boys with sleeveless t-shirts or ray-ban glasses. And boys running after anything in skirts or salwars with low cuts. The names were all mixed - hindu, muslim, christian. As teenagers dunno how much religion figured on anyone's mind when it came to love (lust or filmi attraction mostly i'd call it for that age).

Boys who took busses, rode cycles, tvs50, scooters, etc were all immediately rejected by the girls. Only a guy riding a bike or a car was considered suitable. This however did not deter the other boys from professing their love thru love letters, writing on walls, etc. A guy having more than one girlfriend was not uncommon either.

Past the teens, in the early 20s, naturally these outwardly things did not seem to really matter for the younsters. Love happened among those who studied, lived or worked in close proximity with each other. In my late 20s, i found out that girls having more than one boyfriend was getting rather common.

Anyways, relationships that started in those teen years resulted in atleast 3 mixed religion marriages i know of later (one is a hindu-muslim, another is muslim-christian and another hindu-christian). They might very well be SCs and STs, have never asked them their castes.

An NB i know married a bengali recently. Checked out of curiosity and found that the boy comes under the SC category. Am told that by interacting with the boy and his folks, it wud be very tuf to say they are SC (all are well educated, decent ppl, the boy is a professor in his 30s, good-looking, from a well-off background). There was no fuss or opposition from both sides. i won't be surprised if more such weddings take place in future.

So you see sir, not only those involving brahmins, there certainly are mixed religion and mixed caste marriages amongst NBs taking place as well (perhaps in greater numbers than those involving brahmins).

PS: sir, it may be possible that you are speaking from the politics point of view, where as i have spoken from what have seen and known so far in life (nothing to do with politics, its perhaps an outcome of industrialization, growing economy, globalization, greater interaction, etc).

sir

is there any statistics to show the number of NB Girls marrying B boys or vice versa.
As a miniscule community, i feel the punch is heavy on my face and on my community. i again pray that day should not be there to go back to history to verify the community of Brahmins. The only way to make the lustily boys and girls of B community interested to marry from NBs through love or what we may define, to discard them with the anthrathma and be peaceful with the name of god.

 

[RVR]

Sri S5Surya's suggestion seems to be good. It is always better, rich brahmin boys marrying poor brahmin girl. There will be economic upliftment of entire community.

 

[happyhindu]

sir

is there any statistics to show the number of NB Girls marrying B boys or vice versa.
As a miniscule community, i feel the punch is heavy on my face and on my community. i again pray that day should not be there to go back to history to verify the community of Brahmins. The only way to make the lustily boys and girls of B community interested to marry from NBs through love or what we may define, to discard them with the anthrathma and be peaceful with the name of god.

No sir i don't think any such statistics are available.

i mentioned abt people i know of, within my circle of relatives, friends and acquaintances. And among them the number of couples involving brahmin boys and non-brahmin girls is more then NB boys and brahmin girls. It was in reponse to Sriniranga ji who felt that brahmin girls are being targetted. Unfortunately there is political section who does this. But there is also a social section that are far too yuppy for politics and who do this because of modernization.

 

[drsundaram]

Dear All,
These days I am seeing a huge change in the trend in which the Brahmin girls used to think and act. They are much interested towards NB boys and they want to marry them irrespective of any problems that occur from their parents side.

Last week I was shocked as I get the news from my wife that my sister in law is going to marry a NB boy. She has fought with her parents and shouted them saying that I wont come and stand in front of you after this. Poor parents without any way to go they agreed and the Boys family has never rised any red flag on this and they are happy to accept the Brahmin girl and Brahmins as their sambhandi. I was shocked to hear this as she is jus finishing the college and I dont know how much courage these days people get. Her parents have given them a BE degree and with in a matter of second she ditched all of them.

Poor father he is very orthodox and his roots are from Chidambaram who has seen 6 kala poojais of Lord Nataraja. He was pained to death and he was speechless while telling this info to me as his mootha mappilai.

This girl is asking questions like this to his father
You are seeing horoscope and doing my kalyanam in big range. Whats the probability that I wont come weeping again to you so better do in this way which I like

I was shocked by this. I was not against love but this is too much going and doing a intercaste marriage is not a crime but its against our mythological things which is having roots from 1000 and 100 of years in india.

This way our Brahmin community will get lost its identity as the offsprings of them will have the tag of Dravidians.

I hope many people would have encountered the same and I just want the thread to have some useful discussion in regards of the following matter
1.How come now a days Brahmin Girls are not interested towards our guys
2.How come these girls are getting courage. On seeing these kind of girls, I am astonished on how our amma, patti, chithi and athai had lead a peaceful life without having much of conflicts and even though they have conflicts how they have digested those. That’s the power of Brahmin women which is getting lost these days.


Thanks,
Ram

Such intercastecate marriages happening too much nowadays. The reasons are, according to me, females are also stand to highly educated, open to media and all other normal exposure attarcting them. They also think independantly. Society has given them equal stature. They are not of what we thought of olden days restrictions. Naturally they are not just in disciplinary controls of parents.

 

[RVR]

In my surrounding, I am seeing more girls getting attracted towards other community boys even though no accurate statistics are available.

Let rich and well to do Brahnmin boys marry poor girls from our community. This will remove economic disparity among brahmins and at the same time stop poor brahmin girls getting attracted to the other community boys.

Effective parenting is solution to the problem. Let psychologists among our members come out suggestions.

Is it possible to conduct a survey among eligible girls and boys through forum? Organisers please decide. Let us try to ascertain the minds of our youngsters first.

 

[vgane]

Hi,
I feel that the issue has reached alarming nature. I guess the problem is to the extent of 10-15% in our community. I may not be having the right statistics.But when such things happen in one's own family then the alarm bells ring.I know also of 2 cases where the girl & boy from community married Christians. In our community brahmin girls are going to NB due to the following reasons:
1. Parents are not taking proper care of the girl at home.
2. Parents are not broaching marriage topic with girls
3. Poor economic condition of father & girl feels that father would not be in a position to marry off.
4. There is no unity among Brahmins like in other communities.Also there is no fear or backlash in case I go out and marry from some other community
5. Lack of awareness of Brahmin tradition & culture on account of studying in Christian/secular schools
I also strongly feel that in order to protect tradition & culture concept of controlled dating in community should be allowed.
Also our community should be strong enough to resist girls /boys going away from community.
Jay Hind
VGane

 

[sivasn]

Hi,
I feel that the issue has reached alarming nature. I guess the problem is to the extent of 10-15% in our community. I may not be having the right statistics.But when such things happen in one's own family then the alarm bells ring.I know also of 2 cases where the girl & boy from community married Christians. In our community brahmin girls are going to NB due to the following reasons:
1. Parents are not taking proper care of the girl at home.
2. Parents are not broaching marriage topic with girls
3. Poor economic condition of father & girl feels that father would not be in a position to marry off.
4. There is no unity among Brahmins like in other communities.Also there is no fear or backlash in case I go out and marry from some other community
5. Lack of awareness of Brahmin tradition & culture on account of studying in Christian/secular schools
I also strongly feel that in order to protect tradition & culture concept of controlled dating in community should be allowed.
Also our community should be strong enough to resist girls /boys going away from community.
Jay Hind
VGane

Hi,
My view is that brahmins should be brought up as brahmins. The problem for the last two to three decades is children are tought only to study well and obtain a good job and earn good salary. They should also be taught our religion and the pride of being a brahmin and the importance of being in the family.
Siva SN

 

[gokul.kannan]

Some of the ideas put forth here are totally out-of-sync with the social realities of today..what we should understand is that the world today is not the same world that existed 40 years ago..we are witnessing dramatic changes in the socio-economic sphere especially in the last 15 years and this is set to continue..so called 'Non-Brahmins',especially in tamilnadu have improved their status and whether we accept it or not, they are the power centres of today..there's nothing wrong with it..just that the balance of power has tilted..moreover, we are a minority, less than 5% of population in tamilnadu today..Taking into account all these facts, the kind of discussion carried out by some is only a joke..I feel it's time we stopped talking about things like 'brahmin pride'.

A few decades ago, brahmins were a powerful lot and the 'non-brahmins' were not..so our women were not attracted to them..but now it is not the case and it is also not possible to return to that status..this is something we have to come to terms with.Also our youngsters are becoming more and more educated and financially independent..so this trend is set to continue..One idea of slowing this down would be to give a good grounding of our cultural aspects to our children and advising them against mixed community marriages from the beginning..we also need some novel ideas to curtail this..one of it,as said by kunjuppu is, if more brahmin girls are going outside, why not induct more girls from outside into brahminhood.?

 

[s5surya]

sir
please clarify "family" -f u r a taking about global family - in this case all are dads and no definition for "his daughter" - all are ur daughter and ur sons ? - sir please specific - no global calling sir- it is good to be a good daughter to a father - who will always think good for his daughter - it's bad to go away with anybody by throwing the dad who had taken care for 20/25 years a child - only to loss - ? O! God !pl pardon me!

 

[RVR]

There is no agraharam type environment now. Except few pockets, most of the areas are highly cosmopolitan. It is the duty of the parents also bring up the children by teaching our values and traditions.

It is better girls get married between 20 to 23 years unless they do higher studies. I have seen some of the parents live with daughter's earnings. Such parents cannot advice their daughter when it comes to choosing her life partner.

Boys should also get married around 25 to 28 and there should not be undue delay. They should get Brahmopadesam at the age of 10 and should be encouraged to pursue `truth' through our literature, discourses, discussions etc thereafter.

I earnestly feel that effective parenting will solve lot of problems

 

[Singleliner]

Are we open and intelligent enough to take some lessons from the already near extinct Parsee community, instead of giving a chance for the future History lessons to start with 'Once there lived a Thamizh Brahmin....'.

 

[RVR]

I don't think our community will be wiped out in the near future. There are some challenges but the same has to be converted into an opportunity. The fact that we are discussing openly in this forum of this issue itself is a great thing.

 

[skmr9246]

hai whats wrong in this make ur heart broad and in brahmins they consider girls ads sutras man and what is wrong if a sutra marries other nb boys and in brahmins they used to treat brahminladies as a second subject and nb community they are giving much freedom in nb community

 

[C RAVI]

Dear All

I am really surprised to go through various comments....

But I am really happy to note that all of us showing interest to this particular topic....Obviously it's the "Need of the Hour".

How can we was that there is no freedom in Brahmin's community???

There is.....

Those Agraharam days are gone....Plenty of Brahmin families are settled in cities. Almost all of us have adopted moderate Brahmin culture. Almost all of us have modern life style...Joint family system got vanished due migration to other cities on Job.

Almost all of us know all that happening in the fast progress world. We know the extent of freedom that is required and that should not be.

I could see plenty of Brahmin girls in western outfit.

1) Our parents (Old generation) people have accept it they could realize that the trend got changed.

2)Our parents have realized that our educated and working children know what is right and what is wrong.

3) Our parents clearly know the present environment.

4) Girls are going out with their friends with the permission of their parents...

5) Our parents don't mind their daughters not doing household work...especially cooking...

6) Our parents are giving equal rights to their daughter in par with their sons.

This way we can say that there is nothing to complain about Brahmin community's family system.

Perhaps some sort of checks are required for the parents to guard their daughters....And there is nothing wrong in it...After all the girl is going to be protected....

So, I request all the Brahmin girls to evaluate the situation in detail and come to a conclusion...We are all smart enough to understand what is right and what is wrong.

WE CAN NOT SAY THAT NON-BRAHMIN FAMILY IS VERY BROAD MINDED AND THEY ACCEPT ANY THING THAT A GIRL AS A WIFE, AS DAUGHTER-IN-LAW, AS A MOTHER AND AS A LADY IN A SOCIETY CAN DO ANY THING AS THEY WISH.

For Example -

1) Does Non-Brahmin in-laws/husband would encourage their family girls to go to Bar, have non-alcoholic drinks and spend the whole night in a night club???

- CERTAINLY NO.

2) Does Non-Brahmin in-laws/Husband would like their family girls to go out for any purpose casually with other guys???

- CERTAINLY NO

3) Does Non-Brahmin in-laws/husband would like their family girls to just sit at home with out extending a helping hand in household activities???

- CERTAINLY NO

4) Does Non-Brahmin in-laws would like their family girls to wear revealing cloths in front of elders???

- CERTAINLY NO

5) Does a Non-Brahmin husband would like his Brahmin wife to do what ever she likes ignoring her husband’s values???

- CERTAINLY NO



ALL THE ABOVE POINTS ARE APPLICABLE TO ALL THE GUYS AS WELL IN TERMS OF THEIR ROLE IN THIS LIFE / SOCIETY.


I HUMBLY REQUEST ALL THE BRAHMIN GIRLS WHO CONSIDER NON-BRAHMING FAMILY BETTER THAN BRAHMIN FAMILY, TO CONSIDER THE ABOVE POINTS AND REFINE THEIR THINKING PROCESS.


I strongly believe in all the above.

I kindly request you all to excuse me, if I am wrong anywhere...


Cheers..

RAVI

 

[kunjuppu]

ravi,

in future, please use ordinary fonts with size not more than '2' per this forum norms.

there is no need to use larger font sizes to highlight your message.

we would be forced to delete your message otherwise.

thank you.

 

[C RAVI]

Dear Mr.Kunjuppu,

I would certainly use the default font size ever....

So far it was like that only...

Todays post was in bigger size due to mistake...I prepared the draft in word document during spare time and pasted here that resulted in bigger font.

I shall change it to "2" in future...

 

[kunjuppu]

thank you ravi.

have a g'day

 

[sriniranga]

Sir
I never agree your sentance, Because Bramin girls are targetting by few of the guyes not because of the love or other things. I had one situation with cafeteria, One of my friend and my position married one tamil Iyer girl and that guy is from Karanataka NB. I spoke about there are families searching bride and grooms for more than 5 to 6 years still they are not matching. For that that guy mistakenly understood and said, U people done lot of things to us. so we are doing like this marriages.
another situation in my family they are very ortadox, The girl got married to one IAS office son who is DK, That girl is very beautiful. She said some time to me and my family group one time. My husband wont come because he never like our community but he like me so we got married. What is this folish ness.
They NB guy married our bramin girl, When ever you speak with them. That guy always curse us, Even in US also the same culture and type Practising, I had few friends in US who got married Our girls. i am quiter wondering what makes our girl to love those boyes.

No sir i don't think any such statistics are available.

i mentioned abt people i know of, within my circle of relatives, friends and acquaintances. And among them the number of couples involving brahmin boys and non-brahmin girls is more then NB boys and brahmin girls. It was in reponse to Sriniranga ji who felt that brahmin girls are being targetted. Unfortunately there is political section who does this. But there is also a social section that are far too yuppy for politics and who do this because of modernization.

 

[hariharan1965]

It has been quite interesting to read view/ comments on such an important topic. The issue is quite important as to goes to moot question of the existence of "Brahmins". It is customary in inter-caste / inter religion marriages, that the children follow the caste / religion of the father. There are cases where the children follow both the customs. The problem (for the family to adjust) is when a Brahmin girl marries a non-Brahmin boy. I am going into the moral or ethical issues involved in it, as these are quite subjective.
the main problem, i feel, is in adjustment. As they say "love is Blind". the boy or girl has to be clear before marriage that there are going to be problems in adjustment as the life style, the food habits...everything would be different. The problem becomes more complex, in families where they have single child - boy or girl - who marries a non-Brahmin, especially when the parents are orthodox. The main problem faced by the parents is 'how to face society"? This is the question which often force many parents not to accept inter caste marriage at the first instance. There cant be any parent who doesn't love the child. They don't want them to be "ridiculed" and become an "object of laughter" among their relatives and friends.
Having said that I have seen many non-Brahmin friends who are more "Brahminical" in their ways than Brahmins themselves. Unless they say they are non-Brahmins one cant make out. They do have high regards for Brahmins and tell "how fortunate you are to be born as a Brahmin?" It sometimes strikes as a sharpnel. It pinches somewhere. Are we following our duties as a Brahmin? Are we following our Dharma as a Brahmin as told to us by learned teachers and forefathers? We can have so many excuses for that - modern life, lack of time, fast life etc. etc. But even in such living conditions there are many who make sincere attempts to follow our traditions.
So I feel there is nothing right or wrong in marrying a non- Brahmin. It all relates to how one is convinced about it? How strongly one feels in a relationship? There are many inter-caste married people who take care of their parents very well at their old age. I think they are far superior to those who are married within the Brahmin community but throw the parents out on the streets! (Just one example I gave)
Ultimately it comes down to how nice a human being you are? How you love the people around - your parents, your in-laws, your brothers, sisters......
When one is nice human being, I think that is the BEST CASTE!

 

[sriniranga]

"who take care of their parents very well at their old age. I think they are far superior to those who are married within the Brahmin community but throw the parents out on the streets! (Just one example I gave)
Ultimately it comes down to how nice a human being you are? How you love the people around - your parents, your in-laws, your brothers, sisters......
When one is nice human being, I think that is the BEST CASTE![/"


In this case we need to teach the bramin married couples how to take care of their parents. See one of my cousin son got married to non bramin girl, that person is having only son. but he want to take care of his parents, finally my cousin adjusted with those copules with hell lot of pains. finally after one year he died due to their intermarriage by saying always saying to that son I can not dare to meet my relatives and friends . It is my fate. because of that mentel he died with in one year ?? why every parents want this type of end in their life ??

It has been quite interesting to read view/ comments on such an important topic. The issue is quite important as to goes to moot question of the existence of "Brahmins". It is customary in inter-caste / inter religion marriages, that the children follow the caste / religion of the father. There are cases where the children follow both the customs. The problem (for the family to adjust) is when a Brahmin girl marries a non-Brahmin boy. I am going into the moral or ethical issues involved in it, as these are quite subjective.
the main problem, i feel, is in adjustment. As they say "love is Blind". the boy or girl has to be clear before marriage that there are going to be problems in adjustment as the life style, the food habits...everything would be different. The problem becomes more complex, in families where they have single child - boy or girl - who marries a non-Brahmin, especially when the parents are orthodox. The main problem faced by the parents is 'how to face society"? This is the question which often force many parents not to accept inter caste marriage at the first instance. There cant be any parent who doesn't love the child. They don't want them to be "ridiculed" and become an "object of laughter" among their relatives and friends.
Having said that I have seen many non-Brahmin friends who are more "Brahminical" in their ways than Brahmins themselves. Unless they say they are non-Brahmins one cant make out. They do have high regards for Brahmins and tell "how fortunate you are to be born as a Brahmin?" It sometimes strikes as a sharpnel. It pinches somewhere. Are we following our duties as a Brahmin? Are we following our Dharma as a Brahmin as told to us by learned teachers and forefathers? We can have so many excuses for that - modern life, lack of time, fast life etc. etc. But even in such living conditions there are many who make sincere attempts to follow our traditions.
So I feel there is nothing right or wrong in marrying a non- Brahmin. It all relates to how one is convinced about it? How strongly one feels in a relationship? There are many inter-caste married people who take care of their parents very well at their old age. I think they are far superior to those who are married within the Brahmin community but throw the parents out on the streets! (Just one example I gave)
Ultimately it comes down to how nice a human being you are? How you love the people around - your parents, your in-laws, your brothers, sisters......
When one is nice human being, I think that is the BEST CASTE!

 

[kunjuppu]

srini,

as i understand your post, i think, what you mean is a society mindset.

i agree with your baseline assumption - intercaste weddings in india may run into rough weather, based mostly on society gauravam and rigidity of social/religious practices.

in that context, i have always advocated that inter caste married couples move to the west, if possible.

the same goes for inter religion, though inter religion may not have so much conflicts, as one partner, under indian conditions, totally renounces his/her hitherto background. this is from what i have seen.

back to the mindset issue re gauravam and society reputation.

personally, i think these are phantoms that we build on ourselves.

young couples who took the plunge, somewhere along the line, are unable to withstand the onslaught of parental or society pressures, and succumb to the inevitable sorrow or split.

i think it is the fault of parents, who all along, perhaps even unknowingly, work to sabotage the marriage. i think, many a times the couple is not given a fair chance to succeed.

what is a fair chance? just leave them alone, to adjust and build a household. constant interference and advice are like needles pricking an open wound. nobody needs that.

even in same caste marriages, such advice is unwelcome. except, in this case, the parental pride is swallowed and withers into bitterness over time. only because, most same caste marriages are arranged by the parents, and they cannot admit a mistake.

personally, if i were in india, i would tell my children that should they chose their spouses out of caste, to go and seek a livelihood in the west, where living for such couples is easier.

if they have to remain in india, i would tell them to atleast move far away from where the parents stay and build a quiter life in a new city.

thank you.