Brahmin Girls Marrying (Attracted towards) NB Boys

[Jambu]

Share:

Facebook X (Twitter) LinkedIn WhatsApp Email Share Link

at least in our family and near relatives it looks they marry guys or girls of other religion or nationals rather than NB Hindu Indian The wedding are performed twice according to the custom of both religion one in Madras and the other in the US. Jambu

 

[Raghy]

Chi.Ravi,

Your views are interesting. They are correct; but, interesting though. You are talking about the 'brahmin community' as a whole. But, the said community do not act as a whole. In my own village, an Iyengar girl married a vadama boy; both the families did not want to know them after their wedding. (I know the girl very well. Very courageous girl; they are living happily. I hope the elders would see some sense in the future). In a different situation, long back, a very poor vadama girl (physically handicapped) approached me and said she was in love with a NB boy; I pulled up that boy and enquired.. he confirmed that he was in love. I asked his parents not to cheat that girl..they said 'அப்படி எல்லாம் செய்ய மாட்டோம்; கண் அவுஞ்சு போகும்'. Last time when I saw him..he was running a small business; he looked like an iyer boy with vibhooti & all; her parents were living with them; she was employed too. In short, she was living happily.

There are much more to inter-caste & intra-caste marriages than discussed in this forum.

Cheers!

 

[C RAVI]

Sri Raghy ji,

Whether it's interesting are not, I am just focusing and expressing the things really happening in Metro cities for the last 5 / 8 years.

You are elder to me and obviously have more experiences for past so many years..

That's why my observations are found to be very interesting. Might be funny too.

 

[Raghy]

Sri Raghy ji,

Whether it's interesting are not, I am just focusing and expressing the things really happening in Metro cities for the last 5 / 8 years.

You are elder to me and obviously have more experiences for past so many years..

That's why my observations are found to be very interesting. Might be funny too.

Chi.Ravi,

I did not say your observations are funny though. I pointed out my experiences so that your point views may be expanded further.

Cheers!

 

[sdharma]

Maintaining the purity of our community , itself is a Dharma. Lets follow this.

 

[Iyer]

Brahmins have to realize one important element in our present society. Things are changing at a rapid pace. We are living in the 21st Century. During the later half of the 20th century there was a revolution among Brahmim girls and boys. They broke out of their shells and started mingling with each other. Thanks to Hindi films like Bobby, Hare Rama Hare Krishna which set the trend. In the 21st century, with the invasion of IT and BT, the Indian society in general and the Brahmin community in particular have become more westernized. It is a matter of pride to show off psuedo Americanism. Every brahmin boy and girl wants to be certified as american-like. That is their pursuit, aim and ambition. The 21st centuty brahmin boy or girl cares two hoots for their roots and culture. To stall this is the challenge for the brahmin parents. Could we discuss on how to arrest this trend and revive brahmin ethics, culture among our youth?

 

[RVR]

Sri Iyer,

Can you please list out the root causes and possible solutions to the phenomena

All the best

 

[nachi naga]

re

Brahmins have to realize one important element in our present society. Things are changing at a rapid pace. We are living in the 21st Century. During the later half of the 20th century there was a revolution among Brahmim girls and boys. They broke out of their shells and started mingling with each other. Thanks to Hindi films like Bobby, Hare Rama Hare Krishna which set the trend. In the 21st century, with the invasion of IT and BT, the Indian society in general and the Brahmin community in particular have become more westernized. It is a matter of pride to show off psuedo Americanism. Every brahmin boy and girl wants to be certified as american-like. That is their pursuit, aim and ambition. The 21st centuty brahmin boy or girl cares two hoots for their roots and culture. To stall this is the challenge for the brahmin parents. Could we discuss on how to arrest this trend and revive brahmin ethics, culture among our youth?

iyer,

times are different,therefore adaption to newer methods to propagate is required.young youth identify with modern gadgets as a pre-requisite for modern living.parents need to be role model for the children.the ability of parents allowing to mingle with boys and girls,without attributing any suspicion or motive goes a long way.

parents doing mansik poojas,chanting mantrams,showing spirituality rather religious idealogy helps.gurus,able to explain sashtras,sampradayas in a scientific manner,and not getting bogged by dogmas,will help.

ability to show,income availability,via spirituality helps.no sooner conducting a maha lakshmi yagam,bringing in prosperity,status,harmony and peace mind,should be allowed to happen.

in tamizh nadu,atheism brought a significant raise in religious fervosity.its more like competetion.

boy and girls should be made proud of their heritage,culture.being a hindu,is something to be proud of.indianess brings good culture.

getting boys and girls engaged early (after 18 years + +)is also a good start.but girls and boys do not want commitment,but a loose federation of friendship.at a maco level cost of living has to come down,somehow the leftist in west bengal do it,dunno how?

nachi naga.

 

[C RAVI]

Sri Nachi Naga ji,

Absolutely correct...

Leftist in West Bengal could do this because they generally don't have much ego clashes.

I am sorry to say that South Indians, especially most of we Tamilians of Brahmin society always get into NEE YAA - NAAN AAA?? situation.

This is not only my perception but that of other communities in Tamil Nadu about Brahmins. Other communities of Tamil Nadu are comparatively much united among themselves than we Brahmins are within our community.

 

[pvraman]

Dear Naga Sir,

times are different,therefore adaption to newer methods to propagate is required

I do not understand, why we blame the change in our attitude because of the change in our moral and ethical and lifestyle to "MODERN" or "CHANGED TIMES". I think our educaton makes us feel inferior against the grand exibition of dress, action. Which is direct opposite to our principles and teachings. As for as I can understand, when we are in a race, all are equal.

Time is 24 hours, Night and day relentlessly come and go precisely from the time immortal. Animals are animals from the time immortal. Still we eat through mouth and breath through nose etc etc. In effect nothing from the nature is changed, in their form and existance. If at all any change in the nature it is purely by human for his greedy materialistic pursuit alone.

So, for any change, like our old people say, should start from ourselves. I would say, as in the present form, we need to look at ourselves, within us, for a change. Is it right?

Cheers

 

[vikrama]

Boys are made to undergo an 'Upanayanam' ceremony and then only they become 'dwija'. The thread on their shoulder constantly reminds them of their birth and rebirth.

But no such rebirth ceremony for girls. So they do not have a sense of belonging to this community.

How about performing upanayanam for girls also?

It is not an unprecedented idea. During Saraswathi pooja, we adorn the deity with an upaveetham. At least in words, we say upaveethartham akshathan samarpayami. Other feminine deities are also described to be wearing upaveetham.

One of my relatives belongs to a strange sect and she wears an upaveetham. So did her mother-in-law.

 

[Iyer]

Dear Nachi Naga Sir,

I agree with you that we need to adapt to changes, mingle with everyone. But does that mean we need to blindly imitate the westerners in everything? Boys and Girls Mingling was never uncommon in our community. The only difference between then and now, during the yesteryears we exercised control, we followed ethics and etiquettes, we were gentle in our conversational intercourse, interpersonal relationship. The Brahmin youngsters of present times must draw a line between adapting to change and blind imitation of americans. You don't need to be a pseudo american to use modern gadgets. Entering a garage does not make you a mechanic. Likewise pseudo americanism does not make you an american. Again there is absolutely nothing to be proud about imitating americans in anything and everything. Just because americans are a superpower, it does not mean we follow them suite in everything. For example Jeans is worn in cold climatic conditions. In our country in most parts, for most of the time the weather is warm. Jeans is not needed at all. The best dress to suite our climatic conditions is the Pancha Kacham. It has been designed so as to allow air circulation and keep the body cool. Every custom and practice in our land is with a purpose and objective unlike the west, where things are done aimlessly. What is needed is saner counsel, broad thinking. It is a crippled mind and mean mind which presumes greatness in pseudo americanism.

 

[nachi naga]

re

Dear Naga Sir,



I do not understand, why we blame the change in our attitude because of the change in our moral and ethical and lifestyle to "MODERN" or "CHANGED TIMES". I think our educaton makes us feel inferior against the grand exibition of dress, action. Which is direct opposite to our principles and teachings. As for as I can understand, when we are in a race, all are equal.

Time is 24 hours, Night and day relentlessly come and go precisely from the time immortal. Animals are animals from the time immortal. Still we eat through mouth and breath through nose etc etc. In effect nothing from the nature is changed, in their form and existance. If at all any change in the nature it is purely by human for his greedy materialistic pursuit alone.

So, for any change, like our old people say, should start from ourselves. I would say, as in the present form, we need to look at ourselves, within us, for a change. Is it right?

Cheers

pvr,

change is the only constant phenomena all over the world.Looking within brings remarkable clarity of purpose.When our girls and boys mingle openly and freely,its a friendship and sense of camrediership,i am aiming at.Girls want to be independent these days,and boys should accordingly adjust,not expect a mould of his mother.Even though i prefer joint family system,the elders dont want it,thats the situation today.

nachi naga.

 

[nachi naga]

re

Dear Nachi Naga Sir,

I agree with you that we need to adapt to changes, mingle with everyone. But does that mean we need to blindly imitate the westerners in everything? Boys and Girls Mingling was never uncommon in our community. The only difference between then and now, during the yesteryears we exercised control, we followed ethics and etiquettes, we were gentle in our conversational intercourse, interpersonal relationship. The Brahmin youngsters of present times must draw a line between adapting to change and blind imitation of americans. You don't need to be a pseudo american to use modern gadgets. Entering a garage does not make you a mechanic. Likewise pseudo americanism does not make you an american. Again there is absolutely nothing to be proud about imitating americans in anything and everything. Just because americans are a superpower, it does not mean we follow them suite in everything. For example Jeans is worn in cold climatic conditions. In our country in most parts, for most of the time the weather is warm. Jeans is not needed at all. The best dress to suite our climatic conditions is the Pancha Kacham. It has been designed so as to allow air circulation and keep the body cool. Every custom and practice in our land is with a purpose and objective unlike the west, where things are done aimlessly. What is needed is saner counsel, broad thinking. It is a crippled mind and mean mind which presumes greatness in pseudo americanism.

Iyer,

i too cannot waer panchakaccham and go to office sir.I prefer regular shirt and pant,with a nice haircut.No kudumi business,at least in my age.

Regarding american influence,its unfortunate that hollywood and tv style of portrayal,is giving wrong influence,to masses.Americans are extremely sensible people,excellent work ethics and stupendous schools of learning.Young people are on their own ,soon after graduating from high school,They have to fund their education either thru loans,grants,scholarship ,student aids,internship.Only a limited class of people fund their childrens education.Americans become very adult like in a relatively young age,comparing with our youths.

Moreover American has never been invaded by aliens,unlike us.Girls and boys date,and openly in pursuit of happiness.This freedom is the actual,magnet for people worldover,to imitate.But,most forget the hardships young americans undergo.

We Indians are conservative lot,and we like our culture.Our values are sound with principles according to elders prescription,and we should follow our tradition and culture.Letting of steam once in a while is acceptable sir,we are no prudes.

nachi naga.

 

[C RAVI]

Iyer,

i too cannot waer panchakaccham and go to office sir.I prefer regular shirt and pant,with a nice haircut.No kudumi business,at least in my age.

Regarding american influence,its unfortunate that hollywood and tv style of portrayal,is giving wrong influence,to masses.Americans are extremely sensible people,excellent work ethics and stupendous schools of learning.Young people are on their own ,soon after graduating from high school,They have to fund their education either thru loans,grants,scholarship ,student aids,internship.Only a limited class of people fund their childrens education.Americans become very adult like in a relatively young age,comparing with our youths.

Moreover American has never been invaded by aliens,unlike us.Girls and boys date,and openly in pursuit of happiness.This freedom is the actual,magnet for people worldover,to imitate.But,most forget the hardships young americans undergo.

We Indians are conservative lot,and we like our culture.Our values are sound with principles according to elders prescription,and we should follow our tradition and culture.Letting of steam once in a while is acceptable sir,we are no prudes.

nachi naga.

Well said sri nachi naga ji.....:yo:

 

[rvbsubramanian]

The issue raised by Ram is indeed very serious and it is painful to see the change in our community. There is one more side to this issue. Not only Brahmin girls are marrying outside community but brahmin boys are not getting suitable brahmin girls also. Might be for same reason. How ever, I dont advocate for whatever reason it may be.

 

[sreeramhariharan]

What you r telling is only one side of the coin of the Americans. The number of divorces there shows the method of marriage selected by them is completely wrong. They love, marry and finally divorce like changing of dress which is completely unacceptable. When we Indians were writing Vedas Americans were still on the trees (not yet converted to human beings). So give utmost respect to your culture. I dont want you to wear kudumi and traditional dresses. Wearing Pants and shirt doesn't make you an american and wearing traditional dress doesn't make you an Indian either. But wear it inside your soul so that you can be a better person tomorrow. Try to understand the logics behind a lot of things given by our ancestors. Analyse and then decide. (Let me ask you whether Punjabis are still wearing there Turbans, whether in India or in America?). Because they respect their tradition.

 

[sangom]

Brahmin girls marrying NB boys

What you r telling is only one side of the coin of the Americans. The number of divorces there shows the method of marriage selected by them is completely wrong. They love, marry and finally divorce like changing of dress which is completely unacceptable. When we Indians were writing Vedas Americans were still on the trees (not yet converted to human beings). So give utmost respect to your culture. I dont want you to wear kudumi and traditional dresses. Wearing Pants and shirt doesn't make you an american and wearing traditional dress doesn't make you an Indian either. But wear it inside your soul so that you can be a better person tomorrow. Try to understand the logics behind a lot of things given by our ancestors. Analyse and then decide. (Let me ask you whether Punjabis are still wearing there Turbans, whether in India or in America?). Because they respect their tradition.

Dear Shri Sreeramhariharan,

The number of divorces among TBs is also increasing very fast and this is more in the case of arranged marriages. What the Americans were doing when we wrote Vedas is irrelevant IMO now, when Americans have already gone to the moon while we are only still copying their "moon-climbing" technology and patting our own backs as if we have achieved something great and unique. Perhaps if our ancestors had continued to practice climbing of trees, instead of composing vedas, for one more millennium we might have overtaken the Americans today in many spheres!

You say "give utmost respect to our culture". This is a sentiment often heard in many forums both inside and outside the internet. Can you say, in a few sentences or paragraphs, what constitutes this "our culture" according to you? I will be glad to know.

 

[nachi naga]

sangom,

what a reply boss.mera bharathiyan mahaan.i dunno why picking on american's is a past-time for some.people do not have any idea about real american life.american policy of political leader's should not be confused with real loving happy peaceful american's.it's important our indian brothers and sisters understand this crucial distinctions.especially white american's go out of there way's to help educate and sometimes even gulp insults on their culture.i hope our forum members especially american members write few good things about our way of life in usa-its impotant plea from me.i know nara,silverfox write well,so gentleman please do the honors.thanks.

 

[sreeramhariharan]

Dear Shri Sreeramhariharan,

The number of divorces among TBs is also increasing very fast and this is more in the case of arranged marriages. What the Americans were doing when we wrote Vedas is irrelevant IMO now, when Americans have already gone to the moon while we are only still copying their "moon-climbing" technology and patting our own backs as if we have achieved something great and unique. Perhaps if our ancestors had continued to practice climbing of trees, instead of composing vedas, for one more millennium we might have overtaken the Americans today in many spheres!

You say "give utmost respect to our culture". This is a sentiment often heard in many forums both inside and outside the internet. Can you say, in a few sentences or paragraphs, what constitutes this "our culture" according to you? I will be glad to know.

Let me tell that the day we Indians started feeling that whatever the ancestors are saying of no use was the starting point of the decline of our country. If our ancestors may have continued passing the information in proper way, we would be much above any other country and the earlier vedas talks a lot of science and engineering in them. The writing in vedas takes a hell lot of time (may be THOUSAND YEARS) for completing it. So our ancestors were able to convey the same properly to their disciples and for completing the same properly. Let me ask one question to all "Why dont american indians try to do something for our country and contribute for the growth of our nation and stop blaming what we are". Dont forget that this is the place which has given you the base for the things that you build up there abroad.

 

[Nara]

"Why dont american indians try to do something

Who do you have in mind sir, Geronimo? Crazy Horse perhaps, or may be Sitting Bull??




This reminds me of a joke, please bear with me ....

A Native American boy came running to the town doctor and said, "Big Chielf, no sh%t".

The doctor gave him a pill for the Chief to take.

After a little bit, the boy came back and said, "Big Chielf, no sh%t" and the doc gave another pill.

After some more time the boy came back again and said, "Big Chielf, no sh%t". The doctor got impatient and gave a really large dose this time.

After a little bit, the boy came running and shouted, "Big sh%t" no Chief".

dumb joke right !

 

[kunjuppu]

sreeram,

apparently you are upset at TB girls marrying out of caste. i guess if they married out of religion, that would bother you too?

this practice of marrying outside is a relatively new phenomenon, i think. till about 15 years ago, the boys had the upper hand and used it firmly and without sympathy or empathy. this much i think you and i can agree. if you don't you might want to ask your parent's generation, anyone.

since the i.t. revolution, girls have not only started just as much as guys, but have become very focussed on careers. in this context, don't you think it is only befitting for them to take advantage of this new resulting empowerment to find a spouse to match their liking.

i think there are as many girls in i.t as there are guys. or maybe even more. looking at it from a girl's viewpoint, pray tell me, why should they, on marriage, hand over their entire salary to their in-laws, money probably just as much as the boys earn.

what about taking care of the girl's parents? why should they alone foot the marriage expenses? look at what our current girls are - top notch wage earners, cooks, home managers, mothers, entertainers (socially and in bed) and much much more.

is it not only fair, that they look for a matchup sans exploitation? or for further challenges on the home front instead of choplangis?

i think current day boys should take up this challenge. learn to groom themselves, develop social skills, panache, self confidence etc which make them looking dashing. if the boy's parents eunuch their sons in pure self interest by urging them only to study, they produce nerds who no brahmin girl wants.

girls' parents have experiences in ensuring all round development of their girls. now it is high time the boys' parents do the same with the same care.

on a personal note, would you be willing to foot 50% of your marriage expenses, and permit your wife to send 50% of her income in support of her parents? perhaps answering this question is a start for a dialogue here.

thank you.

 

[nachi naga]

Let me tell that the day we Indians started feeling that whatever the ancestors are saying of no use was the starting point of the decline of our country. If our ancestors may have continued passing the information in proper way, we would be much above any other country and the earlier vedas talks a lot of science and engineering in them. The writing in vedas takes a hell lot of time (may be THOUSAND YEARS) for completing it. So our ancestors were able to convey the same properly to their disciples and for completing the same properly. Let me ask one question to all "Why dont american indians try to do something for our country and contribute for the growth of our nation and stop blaming what we are". Dont forget that this is the place which has given you the base for the things that you build up there abroad.

sh,

in vedas,which one is talking about science and engineering?

in india today,its english which is binding the educated people.illiterates remain conversant in local language,which is ok,becoz,we learnt minimal 3 languages to speak read write.the sylabus was like that.half my brain got consumed just for communication.plus this religious scriptures,we don't even know whats going on,and if asked ,a resounding scolding or termed as arrogant behaviour.the shastri themselves dunno,with a wave of hand dismiss your queries as if one is a pandaram or pakkri or punnakku.

regarding indian-americans who are pio or permanent residents of indian origin,is dfinitely helping India in ways that majority indian citizens are not even aware.american indians are native americans of various tribes,who have been eliminated completely barring few tribes here and there in 50 states,which was worst genocide committed,for which an apology is in order,at least to make the spirits rest.

asking other's to write,in hindsight was a mistake by me.chalo,let me se what i can muster

 

[sangom]

Let me tell that the day we Indians started feeling that whatever the ancestors are saying of no use was the starting point of the decline of our country. If our ancestors may have continued passing the information in proper way, we would be much above any other country and the earlier vedas talks a lot of science and engineering in them. The writing in vedas takes a hell lot of time (may be THOUSAND YEARS) for completing it. So our ancestors were able to convey the same properly to their disciples and for completing the same properly. Let me ask one question to all "Why dont american indians try to do something for our country and contribute for the growth of our nation and stop blaming what we are". Dont forget that this is the place which has given you the base for the things that you build up there abroad.

Dear SH,
Please don't consider what I write as a show-off of my knowledge of hindu scriptures. But, honestly do most of us make any attempt to really study our scriptures and their meaning, interpretations and all the rest? [If you want the most up to date example see the post today of Ganesha Pancharatnam which, to put it mildly, is full of inexactitudes. The posting is a copy & paste job from another website, I think, and the original is so shabbily written that the composer as also the deity will run kilometers away from such ignorance. (There is a stock argument of our people when they are in such predicament; the myth of Guruvayurappan telling Melputhur, "Poonthaanam's bhakti is dearer to me than your vibhakti", and all that. I say that Poonthaanam did not do the job of translating/transliterating with errors, as some people do now; he only recited.]

If you have the time, convenience and requisite knowledge, please study the "vrishaakapi sookta" of the Rig Veda (Mandala 10, Sookta-86). There are other such statements in not only Rig Veda but also in YV and AV. What we or our forefathers have been doing is very similar to what primitive hill tribes were /and probably still doing. They consider, usually, that their 'gods'-which is very often a mix of deity and ancestors, devas & pitrus according to us - are at the top of a mountain near their place. Just like our Mahameru or Kailas. That place is so sacred that none should go there. In a similar way we also hold that our scriptures are so sacrosanct that no one even attempts to make a study.

Again, if, as you say, our ancients' knowledge was so immense and all-pervading, how come they could not achieve anything of note, except so much of mythology, before the advent of attackers? Could not any Rishi teach his student line some of the wonderful astras of Mahabharata so that we could have killed all the invaders right from Chenghis Khan or Mohammad Ghori/Ghasni at one go? For this also there is the stock answer - they did not lay emphasis on worldly things. If so should not the people now tom tomming about our culture follow them at least in that respect and live life without any of the things invented, patented and manufactured by the Mlechhas - like for example, electricity, cooking gas, petrol, plastics, modern drugs, all items depending on these, including the computer you and I are using, and the stethoscope even?

The facts are clear. We want each and every bit of what all conveniences the West and the western culture has produced but, hypocritically, go on raising the slogan about "our glorious culture".

 

[srikrish85]

Sir... I can understand your anguish... but wait...
in most of the cases people love at-least for 2 years...

Even I had friends who break up after 3 months of love... and that is experiment.. or... in some cases infatuation...
You just cannot giveaway your daughter to a person, who is totally unknown to you... and... that too with hoards of wealth...
We conduct marriage in grandeur manner... the money invested is a... well.. why should we have to invest a lot of cash... and then seervarisai.,..etc...

My friend, who is a nadar spent a lot of money for a marriage hall... man it looked like a mansion and food and marriage hall's expenses are meted out by him (I'd rather say it is a waste of money... and he also mumbled about this money issue that he doesn't even have a penny in his A/c. and in their custom... the groom and bride should share the expenses... but the bride tied all the expensive things on his head).

Now coming back to Brahman's point.
See... When people luv for 2 years or so... thy plan their career and reach a reasonable (even vary high) altitude in their life...

I saw many people... in arranged marriage...who cannot pull the cart(here the Grihasthashrama is referred to as cart)...
They quarrel daily... sometimes beating also happen... Either the lady will have the upper hand or the man will... mostly hubby used to snob the wife...
I look at my athai's family and shed tears for my cousin...
Athai and Athiember always disagree upon eachother. and the victim... is my innocent cousin... who has become a victim... man a damn 40 year old man... he now lacks in self confidence...
His parents squabble with eachother... and both of them failed to do good to their son... He is a man in the jobless lot...

See I narrate this here because... the difference of opinion arise... but in love marriage... we have the opportunity to understand one another.
Rather than giving the daughter to an unknown X... it is better to let her marry a guy... whom she understands well and he too understands her well...
They both... will love eachother's kins... unlike the enmity that exists in arranged marriages (most often). even though they' don't love each other's family... they don't hate...


So I m clear in my postings...