intercaste marriages

[subbudu1]

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My position does not make sense to you because you have not thought about it properly. You have just jumped to conclusions. Your flippancy is apparent when you say that 'by RaviSri's reasoning hereafter mumbai palghat vadamas should not marry chennai palghat vadams.' What do you mean by this? mumbai palghat or chennai palghat vadamas or brahacharanams do not make any sense. We have all gone to chennai or mumbai only for our livelihood. We don't become mumbai vadamas or chennai vadamas.

I was talking about where we originally belong to, Thanjavur or Tiruneloveli or Palakkad. What I meant was wherever we live, whether in mumbai, chennai, kolkata, delhi or washington, london etc., if you are originally from Tanjore you should marry only a Tanjorean, if you are from Palakkad, you should marry only a girl who belongs to Palakkad. My post is for serious people who can think seriously , not for flippant comments.

For those who have already married outside their region, I have nothing to say, except, please bring up your children in the best traditions of of your and your wife's/husband's regions. Thats all.

do not even approve of marriages outside one's own region,

This is what you said. I am not sure you know, but palghat Iyers came only a few centuries back from TN. Today you have migrated to mumbai or chennai.After 2-3 generations there is a difference. How many 40-50 years?
I do not approve, is a strong indication of narrowmindedness. As one palghat Iyer remarked to me when I mentioned about an alliance I knew. He said you tanjore guys and us cannot get together. This is the underlying thing in many people's mind.
All this language unique food etc, dont please give me a lecture on what your kids eat on a day to day situation , having settled in US, Bangalore etc. Even our forefathers were not so narrow-minded about language and food. Otherwise when they had come to palghat, you would have not been preparing kerala specials. You would not be speaking palghat tamil but some old form of tanjore tamil. And also you would not be celebrating vishu. Some of these youngsters in mumbai speak to their spouses only in Hindi, even though they might be Palghat Tamil.
Enough said. Please choose only a palghat partner for your kids, if they come to you for your arrangement of their marriage.

 

[renuka]

Dear all,

I have no problems with anyone who wants to maintain their lineage but I cant help writting here what my 11 year son asked me yesterday.
He asked me "how come some people are so sure that the 1st man was called Adam the 1st woman was called Eve when we are not even sure of the racial origin of the 1st man and woman and what language did they speak in?"

I was just wondering..how "pure" are we racially?

 

[kunjuppu]

Dear all,

I have no problems with anyone who wants to maintain their lineage but I cant help writting here what my 11 year son asked me yesterday.
He asked me "how come some people are so sure that the 1st man was called Adam the 1st woman was called Eve when we are not even sure of the racial origin of the 1st man and woman and what language did they speak in?"

I was just wondering..how "pure" are we racially?

Dear renu,

I am not so sure what you mean by ‘pure’.

To the best of my knowledge, the largest single group, with most common gene structure are the Japanese. Mainly due to their isolation, and lack of any new invasion or infusion of blood for a millennium or so. Even then, the Japanese can claim to be descended from the han Chinese.

Re the Chinese, those from the north are tall and fair, and the south short and dark.

Re india, once upon a time, I mentioned in this forum, it is quite possible that our grand mothers of previous generations, were prey to the victors of wars, as was the custom of those days (& even now I believe). How else could we account for the various racially different features within any community in india.

Repeated conquests have made us all mongrels, even though we may claim unbroken lineage from this rishi or that. DNA does not lie.

 

[Raghy]

I for one do not even approve of marriages outside one's own region, leave alone caste. For example I don't approve of a brahmin girl from Palakkad marrying into a Thanjavur brahmin family or vice-versa. Before dubbing me narrow minded listen to my arguement.
When a Palakkad girl marries a Thanjavur boy, the first casualty is her unique dialect. This dialect is a mixture of Tamil and Malayalam and is one of the most unique dialects still left in this country. When a Palakkad girl marries into a Thanjavur family, in about six months time her dialct changes to pure Tamil. Her children also will have no familiarity with the Palakkad dialect. This is a most unfortunate situation. Second, she would forget her recipes which are unique to her region. Thus the Palakkad uniqueness loses one more follower. This is true of the reverse also. Hence, not only inter caste but even inter regional marriages also should be avoided.

Sri.RaviSri,

Greetings. If you personally don't like a palakkad brahmin girl marrying a boy from different region, so be it. But you may not be able to talk for all the Palakkad Brahmin girls. Any girl, Palakkad or any other region, brahmin or any other caste, Hindu or any other Religion think in the same lines.... If she sets her eyes on 'The man', then she just walks behind him. Initially she would do it psychologically; once she knew him well, she would do it physically. Palakkad dialect may be unique for people some people; Chennai Tamil may be unique for people like me. Every dialect is important, in my opinion. I live in Australia for 20 years; I hardly have a chance to speak Tamil leave alone Chennai Tamil.... Still I love Chennai Tamil because it is unique; I can speak that dialect well too. I am for mixing cultures from different regions and mixing different languages and dialects.

Nothing is more tastier than Avial!

Cheers!

 

[Raghy]

Dear all,

I have no problems with anyone who wants to maintain their lineage but I cant help writting here what my 11 year son asked me yesterday.
He asked me "how come some people are so sure that the 1st man was called Adam the 1st woman was called Eve when we are not even sure of the racial origin of the 1st man and woman and what language did they speak in?"

I was just wondering..how "pure" are we racially?

Sowbagyavathy Renukakarthikeyan, Greetings.

This post is for your son. For your son to explore different possibilities. There is a very good possibility, first man was created and named Adam; first woman was created and named Eve.

I request you to guide your son, please. What I am posting is only a theory, just to look at different possibility. Chances are, you may have already seen it.

YouTube - Ancient Aliens Season 1 Episode 1(FULL)

Kindly ask your son to watch up to episode 5 in the season 1 release, please.

Cheers!

 

[renuka]

Sowbagyavathy Renukakarthikeyan, Greetings.

This post is for your son. For your son to explore different possibilities. There is a very good possibility, first man was created and named Adam; first woman was created and named Eve.

I request you to guide your son, please. What I am posting is only a theory, just to look at different possibility. Chances are, you may have already seen it.

YouTube - Ancient Aliens Season 1 Episode 1(FULL)

Kindly ask your son to watch up to episode 5 in the season 1 release, please.

Cheers!

Dear Raghs,
I think he has seen it before becos I remember him discussing this with my mum and my mum was telling him about other dimensions in our Loka and Samastha etc.
I remember this well ..anyway I saved the link and will show him again..He loves anything like this where once has to think and research hard.

Thanks..

 

[Raghy]

Dear Raghs,
I think he has seen it before becos I remember him discussing this with my mum and my mum was telling him about other dimensions in our Loka and Samastha etc.
I remember this well ..anyway I saved the link and will show him again..He loves anything like this where once has to think and research hard.

Thanks..

Dear Renuka,

I was a Tool Maker/Machinist for 30 years before becoming a Registered Nurse. When I saw the ruins of Puma Punku in Bolivia, I was stumped! We hardly have technolgy today to reproduce the stone works; that is inspite of the advancement with computer aided machining! We just don't have the tooling for performing such machining. All the internal sharp corners are but nightmares for a machinst! the fittings...oh! those fittings are mind boggling. Not only in Puma Punku, but also in most places where they used stones upto 300 tonnes!.... avearge stone weighs like 2 tonnes.

I was baffeled.

Cheers!

 

[Raghy]

Sowbagyavathy Renuka,

Sorry, I forgot to add the link for Puma Punku in my previous post...

Here it is - Ancient Mysteries - Puma Punku in Tiahuanaco

Cheers!

 

[biswa]

Dear all,
He asked me "how come some people are so sure that the 1st man was called Adam the 1st woman was called Eve when we are not even sure of the racial origin of the 1st man and woman and what language did they speak in?"
I was just wondering..how "pure" are we racially?

Oh the racial origin of man is very well known. We are all Africans who are descended from Lucy. As is sometimes the case, the mother is certain, but who knows who the father was?

 

[gopaindu]

Sir,
There are many people like you who do not perform any ritual because they donot have faith in it.They also do not believe in the existance of God. Notwithstanding, a few such people do their duties such as bringing up children, protecting the wife, thinking the welfare of the society in general, sincere and honest in their jobs,etc. Among this few, majority of them do it with expectation of results/ outcome for performing their duties but very very few perform their duties even without expectation of results/outcome but for their own satisfaction. These very few people can be called Hindus irrespective of the caste, creed, religion,etc. because, they follow Hindu principles. Coming to the inter-caste/inter-religion/inter-faith marriages, the marriages are likely to succeed as long as the person whether boy or girl follow one faith sacrificing their egos. It is not necessary only the girl should sacrifice even the boy can sacrifice. I have heard people not pressurising for non-vegetarian food being cooked in the house but eat the same outside. As long as such cooperation continues regarding adjustment for the sake of the other, the marriage will succeed. Further no religion,faith or caste will not decay just because inter-caste/inter-religion/inter-faith marriages are taking place larger in these days. The question is not the survival of religion,faith or caste but the success of marriage which is essential for the survival of society of good human biengs. The large number of divorce cases in the west have actually made a human being clueless for the peace/pleasures. N.Rajagopalan, [email protected]

 

[Nacchinarkiniyan]

I was talking earlier about understanding other communities. This is very important for the family to understand and help toward the success of the marriage.

Now I have seen many postings about Brahmin-Nair marriages.

Now do we really understand the Nair/Menon community?

The most important difference is that unlike Hindus all over India, the Nairs are matrilineal.

Matrilineality - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Marumakkathayam - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

For the entire Hindu community the Son is the most important aspect of their lives. Not having a son is considered a tragedy to say the least.

To marry into a community where the son/father has no value is a cultural shock. When a Nair talks about his family/Tharavad he/she is talking about the Mother's family. In the old days even the names reflected this. The sons were named A ananthiravan of B. Ananthiravan means nephew. So A nephew of B was the norm. The daughters were name A daughter of B amma. Here B was the name of the mother. The father's name never entered the picture. The head of the family was the Karanavar the eldest male member of the family. He lived with his sisters and their families.

Though things have changed/are changing the thinking and culture of hundreds of years can not change completely over 50 years. For a community with a son obsession, sons and fathers not being relevant would come as a shock. In the old days the husbands did not even stay with the wives. They stayed in their own house and only paid periodical visits to the wives. Later the men started saying in their wives' houses.

This line of thinking was carried to the extent that sons have fought against the fathers in clan wars.

The marriage ceremony also reflected this line of thinking. It was known as "Pudavai Kodutthal" where a saree was given to the bride by the bride groom. There was no fire and no mantras and no priests. This marriage does not fall within the definition of marriage in the Dharmasasthras.

Again Hinduism as practiced in Kerala is peculiar. They do not celebrate any of the Hindu festivals. The only festivals celebrated are Onam and Vishu. Onam is a harvest festival and Vishu is new year. Keralites are the only Hindus who do not celebrate Deepavali. Even Navarathri is only a temple festival.

I have no intention of passing any comment on the Nair/Menon culture. Having lived with them I respect their culture. This post is only to point out the necessity of knowing the cuture of the other communities before thinking of/entering into an inter-caste marriage.

 

[subbudu1]

I was talking earlier about understanding other communities. This is very important for the family to understand and help toward the success of the marriage.

Now I have seen many postings about Brahmin-Nair marriages.

Now do we really understand the Nair/Menon community?

The most important difference is that unlike Hindus all over India, the Nairs are matrilineal.

Matrilineality - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Marumakkathayam - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

For the entire Hindu community the Son is the most important aspect of their lives. Not having a son is considered a tragedy to say the least.

To marry into a community where the son/father has no value is a cultural shock. When a Nair talks about his family/Tharavad he/she is talking about the Mother's family. In the old days even the names reflected this. The sons were named A ananthiravan of B. Ananthiravan means nephew. So A nephew of B was the norm. The daughters were name A daughter of B amma. Here B was the name of the mother. The father's name never entered the picture. The head of the family was the Karanavar the eldest male member of the family. He lived with his sisters and their families.

Though things have changed/are changing the thinking and culture of hundreds of years can not change completely over 50 years. For a community with a son obsession, sons and fathers not being relevant would come as a shock. In the old days the husbands did not even stay with the wives. They stayed in their own house and only paid periodical visits to the wives. Later the men started saying in their wives' houses.

This line of thinking was carried to the extent that sons have fought against the fathers in clan wars.

The marriage ceremony also reflected this line of thinking. It was known as "Pudavai Kodutthal" where a saree was given to the bride by the bride groom. There was no fire and no mantras and no priests. This marriage does not fall within the definition of marriage in the Dharmasasthras.

Again Hinduism as practiced in Kerala is peculiar. They do not celebrate any of the Hindu festivals. The only festivals celebrated are Onam and Vishu. Onam is a harvest festival and Vishu is new year. Keralites are the only Hindus who do not celebrate Deepavali. Even Navarathri is only a temple festival.

I have no intention of passing any comment on the Nair/Menon culture. Having lived with them I respect their culture. This post is only to point out the necessity of knowing the cuture of the other communities before thinking of/entering into an inter-caste marriage.

I know quite a few cases of Tambrams , since the last few decades who have married with Nairs/Menons. They seem to be quite successful marriages.

One of the marriages I know of recently in my family circles, was a marriage with a Nair. Ironically it was the nair girl who was the vegetarian not the boy.

In another case, the parents of a girl did not know about marriage rituals of a Nair. They were in for a big shock when they came to know of the short duration marriage of Nairs. But the parents are happy with the boy otherwise, except for some feeling about cultural loss.

By and large my experience has shown that marital alliances with Nairs seem to work out usually well even for the parents.

So parents can even boldly approach Nairs for arranged marriages as well, if they are considering intercaste alliances.

 

[kunjuppu]

nacchi,

as pattars we have a familiarity and level of comfort with the nairs, ie more than any other malayali community.

The nairs could be the equivalent of mudalias or pillais of tamil nadu in the sociocaste hierarchy, I think.

There are quite a few such marriages in my family. The first one, was the very first ic marriage, of a girl cousin, late 1950, a widow with a daughter who married a nair guy from work.

The last one was a year ago, 2 MBAs from Wharton, both from well of parents, who have come back to india for their careers. the girl is a tambram.

The wedding was ofcourse celebrated posh, but tambram style. Don’t know if the groom went the ridiculousness of the poonal, but judging from the wedding photos, everything else from oonjal to nalangu was performed.

Personally I like the nambuthri presiding 10 minute marriage for its simplicity and shortness. But that is only a personal preference for minimalizing rituals


there are many others but i will not bore the public here with those.

 

[Nacchinarkiniyan]

Pattar-Nair marriage and sambandham is very old. I can recall many Nair relatives from two generations back. The change in the last generation is that it is now a proper marriage. And now a days many children are being brought up as Brahmins whereas in the older generations the children were always brought up as Nairs.

Though the realtionship between the communities is very cordial and the older generations even welcomed a marriage with pattars, arranged marriages are rare even now.

Many Brahmins insist on a proper Brahmin wedding because the Nair marriages do not have the essential rituals like sapthapathi etc.

 

[kunjuppu]

nacchi,

i agree. many of my ancestors have said to have sambandhams. infact, as you say, the pattar genes are much prevalent among the nairs.

personally, i love this group.

 

[subbudu1]

Another community similar to the Nairs, except for some practices is the Kayastha community. There are a lot of marriages that happen with this community and brahmins in that side of India. In my visits to Calcutta and UP, I have seen even our TBs mingling with them fairly well. In Bengal many TBs have quickly adjusted to the culture of Bengal. In their homes, the age old practices are continued. The younger generation however very well adapt to the Bengali habits- smoking, meat, fish etc. It can be a delightful interaction with the bengali babu especially for a TB.

In attitudes the Bengali babu(brahmin and non brahmin both) is much like the TB. The same passion for education, similar kind of appearance, similar attitudes to religion( there are orthodoxy among bengalis too).

I am sure even those from traditional TB families can adapt easily into a Bengali marriage if they ignore the food difference. But in that land food is not really considered a taboo and there is nothing to feel ashamed of one's food habits.

I have seen a produce of this intermarriage. An intellectual young man I met. Studious like the typical tambram samathu paiyyan. Our conversation began when he noticed me speaking in tamil. The connection went as deep as my native village. I had no idea I was interacting with a half bengali product. But then it surprised me to know his parentage.

It is a good case study on how the root of a TB cannot be necessarily lost in intermarriages.

 

[B.Krishnamurthy]

I had attended the marriage of a Nair community in Ayyappa temple,NewDelhi.The Bride's father was my colleague in my office.I think both the Bride and Bridegroom were from Nair community.Both the Bride and Bridegroom lit a Lamp and exchanged rings.The marriage function was over and the reception started immediately.Thereafter meals were served.I was surprised that FIVE different types of 'Payasams' were served and of the five'Adaprathaman'
was considered to be a great thing in a nair marriage.I was thinking aloud how parents of Brahmins Girls will feel happy if Nair type simple marriage is adopted by the brahmin community.

 

[sangom]

Nairs and Menons no longer follow marumakkathaayam; makkalthaayam is the rule today. Hence most of the characteristics given in the above post do not apply in practice to the Nair/Menon or, for that matter, to most Kerala society, today. Children are named as xyz s/o pqr, or, abc amma d/o wxy amma and so on. And, IMHO, a few of us sitting in one corner of this vast country with limited exposure to the world (though in our own perception, we may carry the grandiose notion that we are "know-it-alls") cannot and should not consider that we are wiser than the young man and lady who fall in love with each other and decide to marry. Tabra-Nair marriages have been there in the olden days also. Those were சின்ன வீடு type of arrangements but the said சின்ன வீடு used to become the regular address of the tabra, as time passed. That goes to the credit of the nair/menon lady vis-a-vis the tabra wife .

 

[Nacchinarkiniyan]

Sangom,

And, IMHO, a few of us sitting in one corner of this vast country with limited exposure to the world (though in our own perception, we may carry the grandiose notion that we are "know-it-alls") cannot and should not consider that we are wiser than the young man and lady who fall in love with each other and decide to marry.

Thank you for your honest opinion of myself.

In spite your opinion I would continue to write.

I wonder what value your post adds to the thread. Pouring scorn on other members and their posts is wrong .

The Marumakkathayam and other systems of inheritance was repllaced by the Hindu succession act. I think all our members know this.

 

[sangom]

Sangom,



Thank you for your honest opinion of myself.

In spite your opinion I would continue to write.

I wonder what value your post adds to the thread. Pouring scorn on other members and their posts is wrong .

The Marumakkathayam and other systems of inheritance was repllaced by the Hindu succession act. I think all our members know this.

If what I write appears to you as "Pouring scorn on other members and their posts is wrong" and that therefore, my posts do not have any value, so be it. Anyway, I am happy that my statement to the effect that marumakkathayam is no longer followed by the vast majority of Keralites (the Travancore royal family is one prominent exception AFAIK) has been accepted by you. And, secondly, I do not put any "controls & filters" in the threads started by me as to who can post and who cannot post etc. Readers will make their own judgment as to whose posts - yours or mine - are more readable and valuable.

As regards my use of the word "know-it-alls" it came automatically because many of us here in this forum are IMO often in the rarified atmosphere of books and references and fail to see the ground realities.

 

[Nacchinarkiniyan]

Another community which is very close to Brahmins are the Saiva Vellala Pillais. The relationship between Brahmins and Saiva Vellala Pillais have always been very close. The Atheenams owned the temples and the Brahmins were attached to the temples. In many villages they lived close together. Their interaction was always cordial.

Many Saiva Vellala Pillais were the tenants/cutivators of the land owned by the Brahmins. Some historians have observed that these two communities together were a powerful force in Tamil Nadu.

The culture of these two communities is very similar. The basic difference is that they are Saivas and the Smarthas are not pure Saivas. It is a sad state of affairs that these two communities with common values could not come together.

May be in the future these two communities would come together.

 

[Nacchinarkiniyan]

And, secondly, I do not put any "controls & filters" in the threads started by me as to who can post and who cannot post etc. Readers will make their own judgment as to whose posts - yours or mine - are more readable and valuable.

I am thankful to the moderators allowing the thread starter to exercise this right. This has prevented the hijacking of many threads and turning the threads to often repeated arguments, which was the bane of this forum.

You are a proponent of Agnostic views and I am a proponent of belief in GOD and Bhakthi. You try to turn every thread into a discussion on existence of GOD and Agnostism.I do not interfere in threads started by others unless I believe it adds some value to the discussions. And I do not pass judgement on others.

 

[sangom]

I am thankful to the moderators allowing the thread starter to exercise this right. This has prevented the hijacking of many threads and turning the threads to often repeated arguments, which was the bane of this forum.

You are a proponent of Agnostic views and I am a proponent of belief in GOD and Bhakthi. You try to turn every thread into a discussion on existence of GOD and Agnostism.I do not interfere in threads started by others unless I believe it adds some value to the discussions. And I do not pass judgement on others.

While it is good to welcome all types of views on any topic and then sift through them so that one arrives at some hitherto unseen aspect of a topic or issue, it usually happens that those with a strong pre-conceived notion (such as bhakti as in your case) develop intolerance towards contradictory views, and more especially such views which may shake the foundation on which the bhakti mansion has been erected. That precisely is the mindset which makes you put pre-conditions as to what sort of people can express their views (on the threads started by you) and what type of opinions can be written. To my mind the whole exercise of the thread boils down to the simple class-room exercise like "write ten sentences about the greatness of the cow", etc. Perhaps readers (who lurk) are not sold on such english composition exercises and skip the thread itself.

It is an unwritten rule that reader/viewer interest will be maximised when there are controversies and "heated" exchanges. Though we may not deliberately work for such an eventuality, I think it is always better to allow for divergent views to be expressed. After all some members do cite आ नो भद्राः क्रतवॊ यन्तु विश्वतः as motto for the spiritually inclined people.

I do not consciously drag every thread towards agnosticism and a doubtful god; if that is what seems to happen, it is entirely unexpected. In my scheme of things, others have the full freedom to follow whatever belief system they may have, but it may not always be possible for me to toe their line. I think all of us post with the very same value judgment viz., "I do not interfere in threads started by others unless I believe it adds some value to the discussions."

 

[Nacchinarkiniyan]

Your views on GOD are also a pre-conceived notion. Agnostism is as much a pre-conceived notion as Bhakthi. When you point a finger at one one please notice that three fingers are pointing at you.

I do not consciously drag every thread towards agnosticism and a doubtful god; if that is what seems to happen, it is entirely unexpected.

You have tried that in almost all the threads started by me and argued with the moderators about your right to do so.

Tolerance has to be practiced not only preached. You have been trying to impose your views on GOD on the memenbers of this forum.

 

[happyhindu]

Speaking of the wedding cutoms of the Nair/Menon community, it is quite apparent that their customs do not conform to the current 'hindu' norms.

Some books mention that the Nayara or Nagara Khanda people were the indigenous Nagas. According to Krishna Iyer (Social History of Kerala, Vol 2) scholars identify even the words Nayanmar with Nagammar as the plural form of the Nayar and Naga respectively.

I had provided some info on the Naga 'worship' system in this post. The Nagas are associated with the Lingam-Yoni fertility symbol which we worship as Shivalingam to this day. In the western himalayan region Naga cults founded temples based on 4 essential characteristics - snake, cow, cowherd and lingam.

To me, it is rather apparent that the native lingam worshipping traditions did not follow a wedding system associated with vedic mantras. Moreover, in South India the Nayara or Naga people became influenced by Jainism. They had become Jains in the early centuries of the christian era. Perhaps this reflects in their wedding practices where the couple light a lamp, to signal a new beginning of their life as a couple (i feel this is a Jain practice). (Btw, Jains were matrilineal).

Despite becoming Jains, they seem to have retained their characterisitics of worshipping spirits (bhootas), nagas and female goddesses. Infact some say that if you have a Amman temple as a kuladevi, it means your kulam (clan) descended from a matrilineal tribe. Some say the earliest vedic tribes were matrilineal. There are so many theories.

It may be difficult for some to accept that the Marukkathayam system placed less emphasis on the son. However if we go back in time, we can find several Stri-Rajya kingdoms (some examples in historic times are bastar, south kosala, regions of orissa, etc). Instead of son, the nephew (or sometimes the daughter) inherits that's all.

Why, if we were to take the Brahma Purana into consideration (though we do not know how much cooked up it is), even the line of Rama would seem Matrilineal because Raghu descended from Prasenjit who was the "son of Haimavati" (Haimavati was an Ikshvaku princess not her husband).

The Ailas were also supposedly matrilineal (i suspect the nayaras are derived from Ailas). Now we truly dunno how much 'cooked up' each of those puranas are, but i suppose they reflect social practices. Vishnu Purana story goes that Manu had a daughter named Ila. She slept with Soma, the son of Budha and had a child out of wedlock named Pururavas. This Pururavas became the first king of Ailas. Am thinking that to the puranic writers 'Aliya Kattu' must have meant a ceremony that did not constitute a proper wedding (and i suspect the term Aliya Kattu originated from Ila (or Aila)'s name as 'Aliya').

Anyways, all am conveying is that matrilineality was a very accepted practice at one time (usually associated with cults worshipping female goddesses or Devis) and slowly the society seems to have given way to a strictly patrilineal society. And communities that were formerly Shakta, Shaiva or Jain may not be following wedding customs that are currently seen as 'proper vedic' practices.

As long as a couple is happy why bother how the wedding ceremony was held.