subbudu,
your post #96, says so many things, that i do not even know where to begin.
a while back, we had the same thread. someone bemoaned then, why we are striking again at a dead snake. but dead snake it is not.
our generation made changes to suit us, and give us upward mobility. my generation, though did not start the usa emigration, was the 1970s one which vastly increased the numbers, and the following generations followed suit, to such an extent, maybe i would not be wrong, if every tambram family has a blood relative abroad.
the ones who went in the 60s planned to return eventually, which the next generations eschewed in their plans, even before boarding the plane.
in toronto, the first coming of age of tambram children happened in the 80s. almost everyone married within the community, mostly under pressure from the parents, as there were sufficient numbers for minimal selection but not much of a choice. 100% marriage failure rate. this is reality, as the kids could not live under lies, just to please their parents.
most of them, remained single for a while, drifted apart, and all of them, married whites later.
some parents brought wives from india and these too failed. one wife left after two weeks here, back home, unable to handle the complexities of a boy, unwillingly married to her, and a confused desi at that, in his values. we knew the girl, who was from my neighbourhood, and felt so so sorry for her.
these days there are about 3 or 4 tambram marriages a year. all out of castes. interestingly to all hindus/sikhs. only one to muslim, and that too, a late marriage, from a rather 'devout' family. a couple to christians, but the weddings were handled hindu style and both the sides attended the festivities with gusto.
myself, i have given the kids broad parameters. these are more in terms of values, compatibilities and above all feeling of love and mutual respect and regard. i feel confident, though one is never sure, that they will use their hands, and would have considered facing a life together, ability to meet challenges and come out of it together.
you can be sure, that i will put any coupling of my children through queries such as these, for storms they will face. that is a surety. if they can stick together through the storms, and come out of it, their hands still holding, and their love for each other intact, what more could a parent want.
our chldren are reaping what we sowed ie since the generations since the 1940s - when we migrate outside of tamil nadu or kerala, had smaller families, emancipated our girls, let our sons travel abroad, educated our girls, let our girls travel abroad for education, let our girls have a career, and above all, contended ourselves with girls only family. how many changes!! from the traditions of milleniium, to these - only barely a 50 year gap - and not even that.
in many ways we should be proud of ourselves. a good many of us are frightened and alarmed. i have but only sympathy and care for them. to some all is lost. to some the future is bleak. as one who believes to the contrary, i cannot console them. but hopefully time and experience, will accomplish that.
God Bless.
